I don’t remember exactly when I first met Barbara, but Steve had introduced us in the late summer. She kept turning up at after hours parties and other supposedly spontaneous happenings around se Portland that I had been invited to, She was to become an emotionally unavailable running mate for several exciting weeks in the fall. She was a pettite woman, and had a outgoing personality that attracted others to her as much, or more than, her physical appearance. Barb wasn’t interested in sex, as her focus was to be lighthearted, to have fun, and to use drugs, to excess, if possible. I attended one party in NE Portland with her where we were with fairly high class, normal looking people, and I felt safe with her, probably one of the only two times I ever felt that way in the underworld. Like most time with her, at the end of the evening, she discarded me like an empty potato chip bag. She was an unpredictable person, and my kind of gal for these times!
One of the best times of my underworld life was on Halloween. Her girlfriend, Joanne, and Barb invited me to go out on the town with them, as long as I dressed up as a pimp, and them as .prostitutes. Barb and Joanne wore skimpy skirts with stocking and exposed garters, and the look was NAILED. I still had a pair of leather pants, a nice expensive suede leather jacket, velvet hat, fake gold chain necklace, and cowboy boots, so I had the look down. it covered up my emaciated body to near perfection. I also got the first, and only, complement about my sexy appearance in my life so my self esteem in the underworld was at a record .level, to be sustained for about 8 hours before collapsing back into the self-hating ruins that I had grown accustomed to..
We drove downtown, and started bar hopping early in the evening. Everywhere we went, it was ELECTRIC, the three of us stunned others and we got all sorts of attention, though it was mostly the unwanted type by guys with their needs. Up The Down Staircase, The Last Hurrah, Jakes, and several other stops made for an exhilarating evening. Barb finally tired of having me around, and discarded me around 2:30 am. She could be quite blunt at times and I always knew that I was around her only when she wanted the company of someone who had no expectations of her. She could be demeaning, and was to me several times, but whi was I to complain? I sensed that someone, or something, or a combination of the two, had an iron grip on her soul, and limited her freedom. Loneliness and loss of desire to keeping living were two acquaintances that had their grip upon me. Welcome to the club, Barb, there is open admission, all comers welcome!.
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