Healing From the Darkness Of Traumatic Wounding: Sean Tucker Story

My 50-year class reunion was a milestone for me. I engaged much of my healing potential and intentions during the several month period leading up to the weekend festivities in August of 2023. School, in general, was never a pleasant experience for me, save for when I was in Mr, Cox’s physics class in my junior year, or Mr. Hoffman’s Calculus class in my junior and senior years. In both of those classes I was surrounded with students pursuing their own excellence, and social hierarchies were much less in evidence.
Bodhisattva– The ability to witness, after confronting one’s own distress, the suffering of another without turning away.
USEFUL PRELIMINARY INFORMATION
Helping with abandonment
Internalize the other
1. Visualize either your mother, or, if natural mother arouses flight or fight response, visualize another mother-say a friend’s, or any emotionally safe mother image, holding you lovingly.
Get pictures, make drawings, write statements, body exercises where we physically connect (tie a rope between)
Hyperarousal-cry– when does not work
Hypoarousal-prepare for death (help is not coming).
Calmness-endogenous cannibanoids released.
Traumatic invalidation-precursor to complex ptsd-parent frightening other parent (image of mother crying in corner while I cry to try to prevent my ass whipping)
Make us feel unsafe, overlooked, or like we don’t exist. Threat of abandonment is not same as threat of attack, where fight or flight is operative. An infant will attempt care giving behavior of other in attempt to connect with caregiver. Role reversals.
Maternal withdrawal-wont come to crying baby-renember old understanding to ignore crying behavior. By adolescence, Borderline symptoms, substance abuse, social isolation, impulsive behavior, suicide
With no validation, move on to mental illness.
Let person know they have had a normal, yet traumatic response to unskilled aspects of their upbringing. Fears of abandonment are a Normal response to an abnormal childhood wounding.
Fear of dying, then fear of social rejection (traumatic fear of invalidating).
Three steps to treating abandonment trauma
1. Safety in Treatment.
Understand that healing is probable, and within predictable framework.
2.internal representation
3.process the abandonment
Deep brain reorienting- process the shock, the bracing in shoulders, neck stiffness. Processing visceral reactions to reacquaintance with early wounding.
Change the terror to anger, sadness, then grief, then self-compassion.
Trauma informed stabilization. Parts check- can you become aware and then make peace with part that was abandoned. It is a young part of ourselves. Can you understand now, and live, that part that may have become dissociated from your self?. Can you hold your little self’s hand, hug them?
Look at photos from that era to help consciously re-internalize and reintegration
Body/brain naturally move to healing afterward, moving towards self-compassion. We can then feel the safe for the disowned part, and the reattach the wounded part back to our self. It strengthens our internal attachment system. Compassion only happens not compatible with survival
One challenge of treating abandonment trauma . . .
. . . is that offering empathy or compassion to a client can often stimulate their hunger for attachment.
So how can we help clients process abandonment in a way that won’t activate a hyperaroused attempt to connect?
What We Know About the Early Childhood Experiences That Can Leave Patients with Such a Deep-Seated Fear of Abandonment
Why Abandonment Typically Leads to Hyperarousal
Rethinking the Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder
BEGIN STORY
Sean,
Wow, thanks for the feedback, and brief report on your past life! For a man of few words, you express yourself quite well!
The first thing I want to say is that I have always loved you as a friend. I could feel so many parts of you resonating with me when we were younger, and some kind of special spiritual connection was established. The pain and suffering in my pre-1987 life was, at times, monumental, eventuating in a suicide attempt on Jan 28, 1986. I had a spiritual healing which gave me an opportunity to look at life much differently. Yet, I finally have realized, I did not heal of my issues around you leaving the country, and those hidden hurt feelings kept me from having a fully open heart with you. Sharon always asked me why I rarely returned your phone calls, and now I know that it just hurt too much to do so. I had institutionalized and normalized within myself this sense of separation, seeing you as more of a figure from a dead past, than as the the living, loving divine expression of the present that you are.
First thing I want to say is, buried under all my life’s traumas and dramas, there is a powerful force of love which continues to propel me ever onward towards healing, and Oneness with God (not my favorite term, but it will do for now). Once I began letting go of the controls that kept me feeling rejected, unappreciated, and abandoned, this Love overwhelmed me with feelings of gratitude for all who have blessed my life, and that includes you.
I ask for forgiveness for my delay in engaging this healing force with you. It took going to the 50-year reunion, where I thought that I would know almost nobody, and which I almost did not attend, for me to come to a realization.
I found an openness to every person I talked with. Why? I had no preconceived notions about the people I would talk with. There was a natural flow, and I celebrated with all former RPHS students this continuing miracle of life that we share.
When I lead with my unresolved issues, no such positive connections become possible. And I have been leading my relationship with you, formerly unconsciously, with those issues
I was severely traumatized as a baby, and as a young boy. Trauma was not as recognized as a formative factor in the development of our body/mind experience when I was younger as it is now. I have spent many years unraveling the labyrinthine mind that trauma created within me. And I am much closer to my healing goals.
I still like the Madman Across The Water album by Elton John, and Tea For The Tillerman, by Cat Steven’s (or Jusuf Islam) albums, which you often played in the 57 Chevy. I have many fond memories of our friendship prior to the USAF, and even a couple when you came back to Oregon, on leave, to visit (remember 4th of July at Risley Park when you brought fireworks-it was a drizzly day).
I don’t remember much of the years 1974-1977 with you. I was working full time by summer of 1975, while going to school at University of Portland until 1976, while also trying to manage a relationship with an often-unstable lover. I probably didn’t get much of a chance to share friendship with you then and share in the pain we were both experiencing.
I do remember a remarkable weeklong car tour with Donelle and you, where the Buick’s trouble light failed to light up when a radiator hose broke.
Ah, those memories. I don’t remember near as much now as I once did, but I know dementia is not visiting me yet. My father’s last few years, where Sharon and I cared for and managed Dad’s life, were far too challenging, yet we survived. Dad, nearing the end of his life, knew that he gad amends he needed to make, yet his memory was faster disappearing, and he suffered, not remembering where he had made mistakes. It was heart wrenching to witness, yet I refused to remind him of his deficiencies, and the numerous times he was a real asshole. I just loved him, while watching so much of him slip away.
I have been committed to righting my wrongs since 1987. I am not going to suffer, like my father nearing death, and instead hold near and dear to my heart all who shared an important relationship with me, and right any wrongs that I can.
Thus, these emails.
Your friend,
Bruce
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From: Sean Tucker <tucksg@comcast.net>
Sent: Wednesday, September 27, 2023 3:50:18 PM
To: Bruce Paullin <run4play@msn.com>
Subject: Re: How’s Everything?
Hey old friend,
First and foremost, I’m so very very sorry for the pain that I unintentionally caused in your life! I never wanted to hurt my best friend! I only left Oregon because my high school sweetheart broke my heart and I couldn’t find work. You know that. And then I retired for health reasons and couldn’t fly to be with you when your Father passed. I’m so very very sorry old friend!
Thank you for your understanding and releasing me from those past hurts!
I guess I never thought that I had any effect on anyone’s life. I truly wish I could have been your best man! It would have been my honor and privilege!
Thank you for sharing all your great thoughts and perspectives on the reunion, and on all your old friends and Sheri! And thank you for sending the links! Truly an outstanding synopsis of life then and now! You are a wonderfully prolific writer with fantastic recall! What a blessing to you and those who you share your writings! Thank you!
I had no idea that Dan had done such a terrible thing to Donelle! Unforgivable act of violence to such a beautiful, innocent and tortured person! So terrible and disturbing!
Unfortunately, I’m a man of very few words. This has always been to my and my relationships detriment. Please don’t think that my lack of comment is for any reason other than that. Please know that you have always been a blessing in my life and I truly value our friendship!
Again, I’m so very sorry and thank you again for being my best friend these many many years!
Sean
On Sep 26, 2023, at 5:23 PM, Bruce Paullin <run4play@msn.com> wrote:
Sean,
We are reading each other’s minds again, I was just about to either give you a call, or write, or both.
I am doing well. How are your health issues progressing?
The reunion was an experience, for sure! Out of 318 seniors at RPHS, about 110 attended the Saturday meet and great at the High Rocks Pub in Gladstone. It was a fairly small room, and it sure felt a little cramped. There were a lot of unfamiliar faces, but the nametags (photos from our senior yearbook) were priceless. I had many great conversations that evening, including with Bruce Chapman and his wife Sue, and a few other treasures. Sunday we had an all 70’s reunion at North Clackamas Park, with only about 20 from our ’73 class there. (remember tossing the disc, and puffing on a few there?).
As you know, I am a writer, in addition to the ongoing spiritual path work that I have undertaken for much of my life. I posted on Facebook my recollections of a few people from high school, and you are one of the people mentioned in the post. Umm, 40 or so classmates have read the post, and commented upon it.
I will send to you a link to the Facebook post. In fact, I will send you two links, one that has a conversation with Sheri Bigei and no photographs, and one with photographs, and no Sheri Bigei conversation. Don’t ask me why I posted it twice, it is a long story.
I would like to renegotiate my friendship with you, Sean. Looking back over the years, I can see how some of my immature perceptions of life from the 1970’s and early 1980’s have slanted my view towards people from that era, and that includes you.
I felt betrayed and abandoned when you left for the USAF in the 70’s. I was left to deal with my trauma and drama without a dear friend, though I still had a few friends, they were not you. They just did not have the same sensitivity. I chose Dan Dietz and Randy Olson to be my best men at my wedding to Donelle, yet you were the one I wanted standing as my best man. With how unskilled Dan behaved towards Donelle, and my self, in 1980 (raping her during a drunken night out while Donelle was in the middle of yet another breakdown), it just confirmed in my mind that Dan was not the best choice for friendship. Yet, my best choice was somewhere between the Philippines and Spain.
When my father died in 2017, and you did not fly out to be with me, I felt that same abandonment and betrayal. And this is unfair to you. You made your best choices for your life (and I eventually did, too), and it just hurts that our best choices did not include each other.
But, I hereby release the past, its hurts and projections out of my personal suffering, and I release you with it. I am not saying that I want to end our friendship, which, realistically, became severely imbalanced and strained since 1978. I am saying that I want to be friends, without any entanglements from my past. You have nothing to do but read this, consider this, and continue living your best life.
Life is good! Life would have been a lot different, had you stayed local, or had any interest in ever returning to Oregon, if only for a visit.
But this is our life. I do commit to no longer looking at you through the lens of a dead past.
Thanks for the blessing that you brought to me in the 1970’s.
Your friend,
Bruce
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0zAr27UWJgaqhEMHMPNV9FpsMAfTKZ2pY6Ny9Rbjz5tvP9BFovchnn1xoCN2FdVWtl&id=100000821455607&sfnsn=mo&mibextid=RUbZ1f
https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0YxddBBzvah4TRhPC3rykBW4TosiSvb4fFsrDEc47pBXAm8rhk8fGV3cSf3aSrPKql&id=100000821455607&sfnsn=mo&mibextid=RUbZ1f
Sent: Tuesday, September 26, 2023 11:21 AM
To: Bruce Paullin <run4play@msn.com>
Subject: How’s Everything?
Hey old friend,
Just checking-in and hope all is well with you and yours!
Did you get a chance to make it to our 50th reunion? If so, how was it? I still think of those greatest times ever!
Take care,
Sean
To feel pain is to be alive, to feel another’s pain is to be human—-Leo Tolstoy
Recovery And Spirituality
Grandfather Great Spirit Revisited
Published by Bruce on October 25, 2023
Like Anais Nin, I am a writer, and an explorer of the deepest, darkest recesses of human experience, in addition to being a mystic, and spiritual adventurer. I constantly surf the seemingly chaotic waves of spiritual evolution, while attempting to bring healing and balance to my life as I ride my consciousness onto Spirit’s final peaceful shores.
I have been struggling with extremely high blood pressure as of late, even though I have been taking high dosage anti-hypertensive medication. I also have been experiencing anxiety at high levels, about once a week for the last two months, even though my stress levels are far below average. Yet my body still is “keeping the score” about individual and collective traumatic injuries that I have experienced over the last 68 years, and these silent, embedded/embodied wounds can often rear their sleeping ugly heads and roar back to life, and severely penalize me, and many, many other innocent victims.
I have been working on traumatic wounding, and all of our potentials for healing, for the past 7 years, resulting in eight books (none published so far, but the eighth, once an epic book, was edited down from 1150 pages to about 250 by Melinda Copp . It will be sent to a final editor, as soon as this year is completed).
All of which brings me to a dream I had last night.
Dream of October 25:
I awoke at midnight, with an extreme anxiety reaction.
I was dreaming of being in a car with my grandpa Henry (my mother’s father, who died in 1990). There were two dark, threatening characters in the car with us. I knew that I must confront the two dangerous men, to protect my grandpa. I exited the car, and, in my mind, knew that I must subdue these men, even if it cost me my life, otherwise my grandpa would perish.
The conclusion says it all–I was totally willing to sacrifice myself to save the presence of my grandfather. Yet, what does the word, and the experience, of “grandfather” really mean to me on the psychological/spiritual plane?
To backtrack a bit, in 1992 , while living in the Rock Creek area with Sharon, I had a most amazing dream, and for me to even be willing to share it with you is the miracle of love, and trust, that I now have for some of our evolving, yet still horribly diseased world (only Sharon has ever heard it , and she had no choice-she woke me up from the actual dream).
In this dream, I was in my grandfather’s home, sleeping in the bedroom that i always slept in as a child. A “fierce, fiery cluster, or orb, of pure light and love” hovered over me, and though it did not have human form, I knew it to be “my grandfather”. In shamanic terms, it was an actual experience of my eighth chakra, though, in my dream state, I recognized it as my deceased grandfather. I was being drawn into his love light, and I knew that, for me to continue, this energy would destroy my body because my body was too weak to support this “fire of love” that came to me. I did not care, for I had finally found what I was looking for, and I began to rise up, and attempt to join with it, knowing my “body” would be destroyed in the process.
Now, in real-time, in the physical world, my body was shaking and almost convulsing, and, to Sharon, my “crying and distress” showed that I was having a nightmare. In her concern, she woke me up, and I had never felt so disappointed to have to wake up, as it ripped me away from this most remarkable inner experience. But the dream carried many fruits with it into the world that our bodies inhabit (Also, the prayer of gratitude-Grandfather, Great Spirit, Thank You, appeared in my mind and heart back then, as well). I knew that if I wanted to entertain, or to even host, the higher vibrations of love, my body (both physical body and the body of thought constituting myself) I needed to be dramatically strengthened or my body would literally be destroyed, and this was part of the underlying motivation that culminated in my becoming nearly an elite athlete, by the time I was 46 years old.
End of dream.
(The following paragraph was written in the year 2017, regarding first 1992 grandfather dream)
This whole scenario, minus the 8th chakra understanding (or grandfather’s dream light) played out in my real world. In my intense desire to finally bring forth my story of hope and healing to the world, the energy unleashed caused me incredible suffering, both physical and psychological, and I knew that I was going to die, if this energy did not get transmitted in such a way that my body could survive. I am hesitant to talk of it, even now, as there is no guarantee that this body of mine is still going to hang around. Yes, I gained access to an incredible energy field, yet, for over one year, I remained quite fatigued.. But, I know that I am supposed to be writing this account of my 1992 dream, as the “God Chills”, or horripilations, accompany my words.
(End 2017 paragraph. This energy coincided with the beginning of my writing career- probable causal relationship).
Thirty one years later, after the first grandfather dream, I come full circle to my grandfather. In 1992, I was willing to disappear into the ball of light my grandfather was. Yet, upon awakening, I knew that I was not strong enough to carry that vast, seeming infinite energy of love.
By the confrontation with, insight into, and the subduing of these two dark forces within me, the liberation of “Grandfather, Great Spirit” becomes inevitable.
I now cue in a small part of a transcendent meditation I had in 1987, My Holy Spirit (more like Sacred Silence) gave to me, for a brief moment, a view of my life energy field. In it were embedded two “tricksters”. The “Silence” just witnessed these forces with me-for we were One for that miraculous moment, but We/I took no immediate action upon them. I was troubled for 29 years as to what these “tricksters” represented, but I knew that they were not there for my good, and yet I had no narrative for them. I eventually forgot about them, and continued the process of rebuilding my new, more spiritualized identity, without directly addressing these confusing, ineffable forces, until late 2016. With the encouragement of my wife Sharon, and best friend Marty Crouch(deceased), and the inspiration of Sheila Hamilton, writer of the book All The Things We Never Knew, I finally began weaving into a coherent narrative the story of the collective and individual effects of traumatic wounding
Dark forces common to all humanity plague all of us, either directly through our life experience, or through our relationships with other members of our family and of society.
Intergenerational trauma (the effects of war, terrorism, murder, religious wounding, alcoholic predispositions, patriarchal-societal dominance and oppression, with resultant misogyny and child neglect, racism, income inequality, etc.) plagues all of us, whether we are conscious of these facts, or not. We all make accommodations to these dark forces, and yet those adaptations that we make often define us, rather than encourage us to fearlessly confront the issues, and press onward for transformative change within ourselves and our world.
Personal wounding and subsequent dysfunction and repressive responses through individual life experience (moral injury, abandonment/neglect as baby, ptsd) are dark forces that torment most of us and must be faced, if we are to be clearer channels for healing and love’s intentions.
I am those tricksters, while remaining unconscious, and unmotivated to do anything about them.
I am Grandfather, Great Spirit when I confront these issues, see them for what they are, and refuse to be led down the dark pathways that they inevitably point to.
I get very sick when I stop looking at these issues, and also stop writing about them. I will be getting new blood pressure medicine tomorrow, to protect the body from the potential for further damage (I had a mini-stroke of the right eye in March, temporarily losing vision, from heightened blood pressure, and agitation/anxiety).
I firmly believe that as the book is finally published, as I continue to evolve, and as I also write and talk about my insights, the process of spiritual healing will bring greater health benefits to me, and to those inspired to action by all such efforts.
Book #8 is to be called:
No More Turning Away–Breaking The Conspiracy Of Silence
Bodhisattva— After fearlessly facing one’s pain and suffering, the developed capacity to witness another’s suffering, without turning away.
To feel pain is to be alive, to feel another’s pain is to be human—-Leo Tolstoy
Recovery And Spirituality
Grandfather Great Spirit Revisited
Published by Bruce on October 25, 2023
Like Anais Nin, I am a writer, and an explorer of the deepest, darkest recesses of human experience, in addition to being a mystic, and spiritual adventurer. I constantly surf the seemingly chaotic waves of spiritual evolution, while attempting to bring healing and balance to my life as I ride my consciousness onto Spirit’s final peaceful shores.
I have been struggling with extremely high blood pressure as of late, even though I have been taking high dosage anti-hypertensive medication. I also have been experiencing anxiety at high levels, about once a week for the last two months, even though my stress levels are far below average. Yet my body still is “keeping the score” about individual and collective traumatic injuries that I have experienced over the last 68 years, and these silent, embedded/embodied wounds can often rear their sleeping ugly heads and roar back to life, and severely penalize me, and many, many other innocent victims.
I have been working on traumatic wounding, and all of our potentials for healing, for the past 7 years, resulting in eight books (none published so far, but the eighth, once an epic book, was edited down from 1150 pages to about 250 by Melinda Copp . It will be sent to a final editor, as soon as this year is completed).
All of which brings me to a dream I had last night.
Dream of October 25:
I awoke at midnight, with an extreme anxiety reaction.
I was dreaming of being in a car with my grandpa Henry (my mother’s father, who died in 1990). There were two dark, threatening characters in the car with us. I knew that I must confront the two dangerous men, to protect my grandpa. I exited the car, and, in my mind, knew that I must subdue these men, even if it cost me my life, otherwise my grandpa would perish.
The conclusion says it all–I was totally willing to sacrifice myself to save the presence of my grandfather. Yet, what does the word, and the experience, of “grandfather” really mean to me on the psychological/spiritual plane?
To backtrack a bit, in 1992 , while living in the Rock Creek area with Sharon, I had a most amazing dream, and for me to even be willing to share it with you is the miracle of love, and trust, that I now have for some of our evolving, yet still horribly diseased world (only Sharon has ever heard it , and she had no choice-she woke me up from the actual dream).
In this dream, I was in my grandfather’s home, sleeping in the bedroom that i always slept in as a child. A “fierce, fiery cluster, or orb, of pure light and love” hovered over me, and though it did not have human form, I knew it to be “my grandfather”. In shamanic terms, it was an actual experience of my eighth chakra, though, in my dream state, I recognized it as my deceased grandfather. I was being drawn into his love light, and I knew that, for me to continue, this energy would destroy my body because my body was too weak to support this “fire of love” that came to me. I did not care, for I had finally found what I was looking for, and I began to rise up, and attempt to join with it, knowing my “body” would be destroyed in the process.
Now, in real-time, in the physical world, my body was shaking and almost convulsing, and, to Sharon, my “crying and distress” showed that I was having a nightmare. In her concern, she woke me up, and I had never felt so disappointed to have to wake up, as it ripped me away from this most remarkable inner experience. But the dream carried many fruits with it into the world that our bodies inhabit (Also, the prayer of gratitude-Grandfather, Great Spirit, Thank You, appeared in my mind and heart back then, as well). I knew that if I wanted to entertain, or to even host, the higher vibrations of love, my body (both physical body and the body of thought constituting myself) I needed to be dramatically strengthened or my body would literally be destroyed, and this was part of the underlying motivation that culminated in my becoming nearly an elite athlete, by the time I was 46 years old.
End of dream.
(The following paragraph was written in the year 2017, regarding first 1992 grandfather dream)
This whole scenario, minus the 8th chakra understanding (or grandfather’s dream light) played out in my real world. In my intense desire to finally bring forth my story of hope and healing to the world, the energy unleashed caused me incredible suffering, both physical and psychological, and I knew that I was going to die, if this energy did not get transmitted in such a way that my body could survive. I am hesitant to talk of it, even now, as there is no guarantee that this body of mine is still going to hang around. Yes, I gained access to an incredible energy field, yet, for over one year, I remained quite fatigued.. But, I know that I am supposed to be writing this account of my 1992 dream, as the “God Chills”, or horripilations, accompany my words.
(End 2017 paragraph. This energy coincided with the beginning of my writing career- probable causal relationship).
Thirty one years later, after the first grandfather dream, I come full circle to my grandfather. In 1992, I was willing to disappear into the ball of light my grandfather was. Yet, upon awakening, I knew that I was not strong enough to carry that vast, seeming infinite energy of love.
By the confrontation with, insight into, and the subduing of these two dark forces within me, the liberation of “Grandfather, Great Spirit” becomes inevitable.
I now cue in a small part of a transcendent meditation I had in 1987, My Holy Spirit (more like Sacred Silence) gave to me, for a brief moment, a view of my life energy field. In it were embedded two “tricksters”. The “Silence” just witnessed these forces with me-for we were One for that miraculous moment, but We/I took no immediate action upon them. I was troubled for 29 years as to what these “tricksters” represented, but I knew that they were not there for my good, and yet I had no narrative for them. I eventually forgot about them, and continued the process of rebuilding my new, more spiritualized identity, without directly addressing these confusing, ineffable forces, until late 2016. With the encouragement of my wife Sharon, and best friend Marty Crouch(deceased), and the inspiration of Sheila Hamilton, writer of the book All The Things We Never Knew, I finally began weaving into a coherent narrative the story of the collective and individual effects of traumatic wounding
Dark forces common to all humanity plague all of us, either directly through our life experience, or through our relationships with other members of our family and of society.
Intergenerational trauma (the effects of war, terrorism, murder, religious wounding, alcoholic predispositions, patriarchal-societal dominance and oppression, with resultant misogyny and child neglect, racism, income inequality, etc.) plagues all of us, whether we are conscious of these facts, or not. We all make accommodations to these dark forces, and yet those adaptations that we make often define us, rather than encourage us to fearlessly confront the issues, and press onward for transformative change within ourselves and our world.
Personal wounding and subsequent dysfunction and repressive responses through individual life experience (moral injury, abandonment/neglect as baby, ptsd) are dark forces that torment most of us and must be faced, if we are to be clearer channels for healing and love’s intentions.
I am those tricksters, while remaining unconscious, and unmotivated to do anything about them.
I am Grandfather, Great Spirit when I confront these issues, see them for what they are, and refuse to be led down the dark pathways that they inevitably point to.
I get very sick when I stop looking at these issues, and also stop writing about them. I will be getting new blood pressure medicine tomorrow, to protect the body from the potential for further damage (I had a mini-stroke of the right eye in March, temporarily losing vision, from heightened blood pressure, and agitation/anxiety).
I firmly believe that as the book is finally published, as I continue to evolve, and as I also write and talk about my insights, the process of spiritual healing will bring greater health benefits to me, and to those inspired to action by all such efforts.
Book #8 is to be called:
No More Turning Away–Breaking The Conspiracy Of Silence
Bodhisattva— After fearlessly facing one’s pain and suffering, the developed capacity to witness another’s suffering, without turning away.