I wrote my first love poem in 1984, when I became lovers with a woman by the name of Diane (Di Di) McCloud. I had first met Di Di while she was running with Gary, a cocaine dealer and friend to both me and Randy Olson. Gary and I became friends, and Gary eventually stored his money and cocaine in a safe house, which happened to be the home that I lived in. How unlucky was that for me! I got the privilege of running with the same important people that Gary did, including prominent local rock and roll DJ’s, as well as the best local rock and roll bands. And, during this time, I started to fantasize about someday hooking up with his sweetie, but I never had any intention of having an affair with her. Somehow, she stayed with Gary for over two years. Di Di was quite the free spirit, as well as a drug addict, so Gary’s appeal may have been enhanced by his constant supply of drugs.
Randy and I were living near downtown Portland at the time We lived on the 22nd floor of the Panorama Tower, and it was at this home that Randy first brought Di Di, who had recently broken up with Gary, into our shared lives. She hung out with Randy for a few days, then lost interest in him. Somehow, we hooked up after that, early in the summer of 1984, and this most beautiful woman professed her love and willingness to stay connected with me shortly after that. I was blown away, as she was the most attractive, sexy woman I had ever seen. I was so inspired by my relationship with Di Di, that I wrote my first love poem in 1984. She treasured the poem, and actually sought another copy of it shortly before her own death early in 1987. She was to become the first person that I felt I had ever truly loved, but we had to let each other go after a short period of time.
I was to see her two more times in April of 1986. I saw her at a bar in Beaverton, and we traveled to the beach together to Seaside to spend the following evening. She was somewhat distracted, and in the intervening eighteen months since I seen her last she had deteriorated in her appearance, looking a little worn. We drank at the local Seaside bars, until I no longer had any desire to drink anymore. I told her that I was going back to the hotel room, and left her the extra key. She stated that she wanted to keep the party going, and continued drinking and carrying on with some of the local folks. She returned to the hotel room at two in the morning, all excited about some new “friends” that she had made, and the great cocaine that they had shared together. She wanted to bring the two guys back into the hotel room to continue the party.
“No thanks, this is where I take my leave!” I announced in a rather angry tone of voice. I grabbed my overnight bag, and headed towards home, even though I was drunk, almost to the point of being in a blackout. Somewhere along Highway 26, beyond the Elderberry Inn, I crashed my car into a guardrail, nearly going over a cliff in the process. I could not get out of the drivers side door, it was so crashed in. I quickly got the car back onto the road, in my attempt to get home before any more trouble befell me. When I finally reached North Plains, I fell asleep at the wheel again, stepped on the accelerator, and rammed into the back of another car at freeway speeds. We both pulled over, and I was able to bribe the owner of the car not to call the police, since I was DRUNK, by writing him a check for $471, which was every last penny that I had in my checking account. My car was totaled, but somehow I was able to make it home, miraculously escaping death or a DUI citation.
Di DI called me a month later, wanting to talk, and wanting a copy of the love poem that I had given her two years before. When we met, she told me that the poem was the most beautiful gift that anybody had ever given her, and that she was sorry that she did not find the spot in her life for me. We both cried, and parted company on rather sad terms. She eventually died one year later, when she was killed in a drunken driving related automobile wreck in Lake Oswego.
Ozzy Osbourne–I Will See You On The Other Side
Di Di became a part of myself and my consciousness, and I had one profound dream with her in it, shortly after her death. In the dream, I am confronted by a man exhibiting aggressive, unkind, abusive behavior. In the dream, I am appalled, disgusted, and threatened by his manner. I call out to a policeman, imploring him to arrest that man, and protect all of us from his violence. Di Di then walks up to me in the dream, taking the policeman’s place, and states quite plainly that for love to reappear in my life, in all of its fullness, I must first “arrest” all of these negative qualities within myself, and rehabilitate my own passions, then love will reappear. The dream ends, but the journey continues.
Though hibernating for oh so long
And hiding from the deep pain of winters’ chill
Love reawakens to sing its special song
So for how much longer can we be still?
With eyes that melt winters’ deepest snow
A tender touch that always seem to say
That all we will ever need to know
Will be learned along Love’s way
Two minds that were brought together
Two hearts that seek to share,
Two bodies that need no tether
Two become one, though still a pair
Heavenly nights and rapturous mornings,
Love promises through all of our years,
The sweet, stirring music of love sings
For two souls who now have the ears to hear.
True love can be the source of dreams
For two hearts continuing to awaken.
I pray that we are all each other seems
And share in Love’s next journey taken.
Written for Di Di, in 1984.
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