Complete Part Two and Part Three Draft +Dana Brucke (GOOD)

PART 2:  THE PATH THROUGH COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS

It is what it is, but it is not what it seems

—Paul Hewson

We will either heal together as individuals, as a country, and as a world,  or we will all die alone

—-Bruce Paullin

In this time when the anti-Christ seems to rule the United States, and when heartless terrorists, capitalists, and politicians victimize our most innocent of beings, be they human, animal, or the entire Earth itself, it can be difficult to feel the miracle of life that is constantly within us. Yet, to not have that experience, is to live a life devoid of much of the greater meaning available to us as human beings.  And, the American male, who carries most of the self-destructive, earth destructive, socially destructive, and feminine destructive energy within humanity, is paying a huge spiritual price for our errors in the presentation of our lives to, and the experience of, this world.  We, as a gender, continue to carry the historical debris from many generations of callous indifference to the needs of others, and to our spiritual needs for wholeness, love, healing, and compassion.

As I read, hear about, and personally witness the early death syndrome of the White American male, which may yet still capture me, I now know that our spiritual, medical, social, and economic systems are flirting with catastrophic collapse. The race is on between those who are spiritually supporting personal and collective Armageddon, and those who are promoting a holistic, healing approach to living together in lasting peace and health upon our sacred planet. Those who can become receptive to their own spiritual awakening will become part of a world-wide healing movement, through co-creating the roots of the new Tree of Life that supports a new world order of Love, Compassion, and the preservation of our home planet Earth and all of its sacred inhabitants.  Those who choose to stay asleep will continue to contribute to suffering, and the destruction of life in all forms.

I offer my apologies in advance to any widow or family member who reads this story, and might be offended by what appears to be judgmental or incomplete representation of the facts. I will leave it to the real ‘experts’ within our culture to drill down to the “real facts”. What I have observed is quite subjective, and the population that I have witnessed is fairly small, compared to the whole of the population that has been impacted by our cultural disease. My only intention here is to provide a very incomplete voice, for those who can no longer speak up for the ills of the society that created the conditions for their own early demise, be it through heart attacks, brain cancer or cancer in general, alcoholism, drug addiction, suicide, murder, or “accidents”.

I have watched an endless parade of friends, and acquaintances meeting an early death.   Most of my grade school and high school friends have already suffered, and have either become disabled or had early deaths.  Both of my best friends from earlier in my life died young from alcoholism and poor health choices  My nephew has a bipolar condition along with alcoholism  Having visited a cousin in February who was comatose and near death from the DT’s in the ICU, and buried another drug addicted cousin last August, and witnessed two close family members who are co-enabling alcoholics plying their self-destructive trade over the Christmas holiday in Arizona, not to mention our own grandson who has been addicted to pot and other substances since he was 11 years old, I can’t ignore this disease of the Spirit which has taken over our country.

Randy Olson (left-1955-2013) Dan Dietz (1955-1997)

In many cases, those early deaths or disabilities from mental illness and/or alcoholism were, literally, a divorce from their lives, as their lives were so unfulfilled and unhappy. In some of the cases that I am familiar with, the men were not happy at the end, and their death appeared to be a welcome release for them.  Some had lost their careers, and could not recover from that. Some had no meaning in their lives, and could not recover from that. Some were addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, and could not recover from that. Some were addicted to the idea that their only function was to provide for their wives or family, and, having achieved success or failure, they could not recover from that. Some were just waiting for a better day, and when it never appeared, they could not recover from that. Some were lonely and depressed, and they could not recover from that. Some had profound mental illness, and they could not recover from that.

What is the hidden story, the real back story to these men and their lives that may not have been told to their families, to their religions, to their culture, to their employer and co-workers, and to their Gods? Were any of our male victims of society able to listen to themselves, and identify their own unique pain and suffering, and bring it to the light of Love and Reason, to search for, and eventually find a newer path to healing and meaning? Or, did they blindly follow down the well-worn path of premature deterioration and death that unconscious humanity, through engaging in our collective common knowledge game,  the road defined by “sin”, suffering, and dying, is doomed to trudge upon?

There has been an epidemic of younger, white, middle class men who have been dying at earlier ages than would be statistically forecast, for the past 20+years. There is a dearth of information on this issue, though there are many references to the Opioid Epidemic, painkiller addiction, and the progression to heroin addiction by those participants. This is only a small part of the real story, and I am going to try, in my own incomplete way, to write about the disease of Spirit that has targeted American Masculinity for quite some time, and the people who I have known who have been struck down by it. I have seen, and I believe at the deepest level of my own being, that disease in the mind of mankind is directly related to disease within the body of mankind.

Does anybody think that the suicide victim, lone wolf arsonist, abusive alcoholic, mentally ill man shot by a policeman, drug overdose victim, or mass murderer, is a unique being, with no relationship to the rest of the very humanity that spawned him? I have been asked why I often focus my attention on the damaged American Male Psyche, and why I don’t instead focus on more pleasant, loving thoughts and activities. The question itself reveals the flaws inherent in living an non-examined life, and the fragmentation already present in our collective understanding of how to bring healing to our self, and to our world. Just because we are not now consciously aware of, and viscerally experiencing the damaging effects of, the unhealed American Male Psyche, does not mean that we remain unaffected by its self-destructive, and other-destructive, energies. Ignorance never leads to bliss, but instead to more suffering by self and others.  Before we can proceed into a new world order of better health, increased happiness, peace, and preservation of our sacred planet and our relationships with the totality of life upon it, we must first completely see where we came from, or our self-destructive history will repeat itself.

It is extremely difficult in finding a way to reach those who have unconditionally accepted a diseased culture and/or one’s own unique fragmented individual life, while they remain in rigorous denial of those facts.  Those who have made a decision to slowly and painfully commit suicide, individually and collectively through their addictive and self-destructive cycles of behavior are becoming part of the new normal in American life. Each mentally ill human being, including all alcoholics and drug addicts must find their own unique “bottom”, where the pain of the disease causes a change, or turning point, in their lives. Insanity, poor physical health, loss of job, loss of family, jail, DUI, threat of death, or near death experiences, and deaths of close friends or family members also suffering from cultural disease and addiction have been known to bring the desire for healing. Personally, it took all the previously mentioned negative addictive cycle outcomes to convince me to change behavior.

Awakening is an interactive process, encouraged and facilitated by the pain and suffering that we experience as human beings, while engaging with the “real world”. Unfortunately for all of us, too many Americans live in alternate universes, where we do not have to deal directly with our pain and suffering.  Fantasy and denial of our personal and collective responsibility towards the ills of this world reigns supreme in major sections of our culture. This is fueled by addictions to media devices diversions of our life force into entertainment and worship of TV and movie personalities, alcohol, drug, and personal power abuses,, and all of the false teachers and leaders  we have ignorantly chosen to follow, as did our parents, grandparents, and on and on until the beginnings of human consciousness. To facilitate healing, we must reject the false leaders, and we must become our own leaders, with awakened powers of understanding and compassion. All of the sleeping beauties, and the ugly ones with warts, will continue to sleep, until their nightmares become so frightening that they either have to wake up, or die.

One only needs to look around, and view the effects of Toxic Masculinity, and its ugly spawn, Toxic Religion, Toxic Politics, and Toxic Capitalism, to see that repression of the feminine, and the Divine, is built right into the very fabric of our cultural existence. Our POTU$ is the perfect representation for all of the ills of our culture, and to the extent that the men within our culture practice his unholy principles of engagement with the world, and its women, and men, within it, the men also share in his disease of mind, body, and spirit. What happens to a man defeated by the dark energy of unhealed masculinity? We don’t need to look too far to see the insanity around us, the mass murders, early deaths, suicides, drug addiction, alcoholism, abuse of woman, and children, extinction of species, destruction of our ecology, and see the relationships that now continue to a very bleak future, unless the men in this world awaken, and rebel against the prevailing dark attitudes of our dying culture.

The following are formative energies that tend to shape and guide men in today’s America:

• Unconscious participation in the Common Knowledge Game of harsh and inaccurate self and other judgement, with resultant poor self-esteem inculcated into boys from birth by our wayward fathers, religions, and cultures,
• Remaining ignorant or fearful of our own feelings, including anger and grief, or expressing them unskillfully,
• Letting stress go on unabated in our lives, without challenging its points of origin
• Loss of emotional and physical safety in home, school or work environments
• not communicating honestly with others, and carrying the feeling of not being heard or appreciated,
• eschewing deep and meaningful relationships with others,
• excessive competitiveness with others while engaging with greed, trying to “keep up with the Jones’ “,
• proving self-worth in environments where self, and others’, worth is disrespected, thus trying to fit in where we really don’t belong,
• people pleasing, at the expense of our personal integrity
• not speaking up for ourselves or for others that are oppressed for fear of being marginalized,or further victimized
• over immersion in entertainment, excess reliance upon Snapchat, Facebook, or other social media platforms for social awareness
• excessive eating and/or eating excessive sugar or processed foods
• not exercising, not hiking in Nature and thus staying away from its healing balm
• excessive drinking of alcohol, use of recreational drugs to the point of habituation (including marijuana),
• smoking or chewing tobacco,
• using sex as a way to emotionally hide or escape, or to manipulate others,
• workaholic behavior, and forgetting how to laugh and play well with others

These and other phenomenon represent the factors that most men encounter or employ in our efforts to meet the needs for economic security, establish our place in society, relieve stress and keep ourselves at least marginally happy, and pursue family fulfillment, including ones sexual gratification. And, statements of personal well-being, such as those listed below, were anything but “facts of life” for most men.

• I am worthy,
• I am safe,
• I am whole,
• I am loving and lovable,
• I have something worthwhile to say

Dead men tell no tales, but the nearly dead MUST continue to tell their stories, with respect for themselves and others, until our civilization finally wakes up. To not express ourselves honestly and openly results in our own early demise, Spiritually as well as physically. My innate response would be to keep silent, as I have nothing of value to share with the world, and/or the world could give a shit about what I have to say anyway. Extrapolate that response to all of life, and we can perceive the isolating framework that imprisons much of the American male psyche.

THE FOOLS

You know who we are, there is no need for our names

We may be outwardly different, but inside we are the same

We vacation on ego trips, and with the world play strange mind games

While striving for material success, and its dubious fame

We remain graceless souls trying to blend into life’s masses

Some affirming our uniqueness, though we remain stuck in the same class

With  our delusions of grandeur, while appearing just like an ass

And steering clear of self-awareness, Oh our transparency of glass!

At times spewing words of wisdom, but with only another dogs’ bark

Seeking to make a good life, but on life’s script still leaving just a dirty mark

Believing we may have seen light, but, if so, why is our life always so dark?

Needing more purifying inner flames, while snuffing every divine spark

Though we think that we have blossomed, we do not possess Love’s flower,

We hope for a life carried by the river of sweetness, while we still wade through the sour

Never realizing that, over life, we hold very little power

We can only avoid the reality of our lives, while living in our ivory tower

We tend to bring up life’s rear, though we think that we should be first

And from life we want all of the best, somebody else deserves the worst!

We think that our life should be more blessed, why on earth do we feel cursed?

Our lives just become overblown bubbles, just waiting to be burst!

Individuals who are addicts/alcoholics, and/or who are mentally ill, and the cultures that breed and support that behavior, and who are not yet ready to face their shame, guilt, fears, and insecurities consciously will not have an easy time of it in recovery and in the search for greater meaning in their lives. There are many religious paths to take,  methodologies for achieving and maintaining sobriety, and therapeutic modalities and medications available for mental illness, and the technique chosen should be wisely considered based on personal needs and philosophies-or lack of them. For those who just want to treat the body, and not the mind or Spirit, there are injections available to reduce alcohol and/or drug cravings, and medications to temporarily treat the illnesses of the mind, which may be all that the sufferer needs for now, especially if they have little inclination towards personal awareness, insight, and spiritual evolution.

Each of my mentally ill or substance abusing family members knows of my own drug addicted and alcoholic background, and so far has had little use for my experience, strength, and hope in sobriety, showing that my “process for recovery” has debatable value for a diseased mind that has no desire to change. A common statement uttered by a practicing alcoholic/addict is “I don’t have a problem”, or, “he/she is the one with the problem, not me!” Denial of the facts of addiction and/or toxic attitudes, and justification for continuing unhealthy behaviors, results in the creation of the “fake news” that they don’t have a problem with drugs and alcohol and our underlying consciousness, and this sad fact remains a constant for most sufferers of addiction and Toxic Masculinity and Toxic Religion.  Our culture is insane, and the insanity has crept into all of our families, and all of our individual lives, whether we want to face it, or not.

Brain Damage

(Written by Roger Waters, of Pink Floyd)

\https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Af9720phTEc

There are many life stories built into this great song, including one of the original members of this band, Syd Barrett. The oppression of our mentally ill, and the repression of the basic human spirit by our culture, and by many of those practicing their “mental health” professions, which sometimes borders on witchcraft, continues to distress me.

My first wife, Donelle Mae Flick Paullin, suffered from what psychiatric professionals labeled as paranoid schizophrenia. I struggled mightily to help, and to understand her, over the many years that I stayed in relationship with her. I gained insight not only into her “disease”, which also devolved into multiple personality disorder, but also into the very mind of mankind. Mankind suffers from aspects of this disease in a collective sense, and the oppressed and victimized, and most innocent and sensitive people in our society are most vulnerable to developing such mental illnesses.

The psychiatric profession would do itself wonders to finally gain the necessary insight to understand the underlying message here, for we are all about to be impacted by our cultural INSANITY, as far too many American citizens continue an unconscious descent into their own darkness. They need better guidance, and our sick society needs better guidance, before it is too late for all of us.  Chemicals can carry a disabled personality only so far, and then the river of spirit, with healing and insight, must carry the diseased human being the rest of the way to sanity.

Enlightenment does not come to the “fat and happy” people of our world. Enlightenment is NOT a gentle process, merely attained through reading books, practicing affirmations, talking with our friendly therapists, and attending a few workshops and conferences. To find true enlightenment, a path through personal, and collective, insanity is REQUIRED. Watch out for the so-called ‘professionals’ of our culture, or those latest pseudo-spiritual gurus, who continue to try to oppress this movement, and repress those impulses within themselves, and others under their ‘spell’ or control.

I can quote from the Bible, Koran, Talmud, Bhagavad Gita, or the sayings of the “enlightened masters” such as the Buddha, Jesus Christ, Mohammed, or more recently Krishnamurti, the Dalai Lama, OR ALL OTHERS, for the rest of eternity, but until I face myself directly and honestly, NO TRANSFORMATIONAL CHANGE WILL OCCUR. The same is true for our country, and for our world.  For those who understand, I will see you, and be with you for as long as necessary, on the “Dark Side Of The Moon”.

I took my father to the doctor in January of 2017, and my number one concern, next to my dying father’s needs, was that my father was going to outlive me. Why would such a concern erupt within my own mind? The stress of having provided care for a moderately demented older “gentleman” (he was quite gentle the last several years of his life) did take quite the toll on me, even though it also provided great spiritual benefits to me, as I came to understand, AT THE DEEPEST LEVELS, how my relationship with my father had created much of the irregularities in my own vision of life, and love, especially in my earlier years.

Susie and Dad at Sharon’s 70th birthday party in 2016

My father represented, in a perfect way, how my life experience had become overshadowed by the needs and concerns of our culture, and its own unconscious needs to dominate, control, and oppress, especially those who did not conform to its often conflicting,  twisted values. My father had great difficulty, in times of stress, in recognizing the intrinsic value of all life, including my “baby self”, and my essence as a young boy. My father showed to me, in a perfect way, what that dark, negative end point looks like from a lifetime lacking in true collaboration and emotional integrity while sharing life force with others. My father achieved his goals in life, yet at what cost did they come to him, and to the people who he influenced and controlled? And, what is the cost to a society that blindly plows forward while supporting ideals that do not conform to the development of its citizens’ highest nature, and truth?

Boy Named Sue”, by Johnny Cash

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gbtm-93oqE

This song really does capture the basic story of my life, and that life which is impressed upon all of humanity.  Sue has to begin his search for the source of his ‘bad name’ or nature, which was his father.  He needs to conquer and punish that evil force, yet after confronting the great evil, he gains an understanding of his father, forgives him, and then states a new intention for his life.  In this world, we are given an incomplete identity not our own, and forced to defend it the rest of our life, until we make peace within ourselves, and find our truest nature.  Of course, we unconsciously transmit our process through our children anyway, so even if the child of the “original dysfunction” wanted his children to have a radically different life, they, or their heirs,  are predestined to make many of the same mistakes in life, unless they too can become conscious of those hidden predispositions.

“The unexamined life is not worth living”

Socrates

“The unexamined life” refers to a life lived by rote under the rules of others without the subject ever examining whether or not he truly wants to live with those routines or rules. According to Socrates, this type of life was not worth living. Rather than living an unexamined life, Socrates chose death, and these words are attributed to the philosopher during one of his last speeches before his suicide.  The truth is that the practicing addict, alcoholic, and toxic human is living an unexamined life, and an early death is a much higher likelihood for all such people, whether we choose it consciously or not.

I started using marijuana my sophomore year of high school, and that use brought me into association with the Oak Grove group of students, who I had not met before, as I went to a different grade school (Concord) than they did. It was with a small subset of this group that I “learned how to drink alcohol”. Goose’s Garage in Oak Grove became my training center for social drinking, keggers, and out of control drunkenness, and I was a fast learner. After my first “drunk” I knew that I was an alcoholic, and that I would eventually die from it.

It was after my first “drunk” that I knew that I would be dead by age 30, at the very latest. I had resigned myself, at an early age, to the life of an alcoholic/addict, and i knew that I just had to “maintain control” as best i could, even though i no longer had control over my choices in life. Yes, my death wish was enshrined early, and worshiped daily.

In high school in my junior year, i was required to keep a daily journal for a writing class. The problem was that I had no “insight”, at least as far as being able to put into words what the interior nature of my mind and life looked like. I had to submit something, and in my desperation to get a decent grade i went to a bookstore, to find a book to help me to ‘look at myself’.

Hugh Prather had written a book called ‘Notes To Myself’, and I stumbled upon it, and bought it. I was so empty of complete statements about myself and my life that I copied statements from Hugh’s book, and tried to ‘personalize’ them so that it would not be obvious that I had copied his work.

I got my passing grade, felt very relieved, and continued on my awkward, highly dysfunctional path through high school. I was near the top of my class near graduation time, yet I was so out of touch with the majority of my classmates, as well as with myself, that to finally graduate seemed like it might change, if not end, much of my social anxiety and sense of disconnect. Of course this could not be further from the truth.

Looking back, this would have been great stuff to write about in high school, but i was living a lie, and the telling of the truth to others, let alone to myself, might force me into changes that I could not embrace or consider as possibilities. The absence of personal honesty and insight doomed me to a deteriorating life experience, and limited my choices so much that many days, and years, I felt trapped in a prison, with interior windows sometimes only opening to Hell.

I will bypass a few years, and revisit insight again. In April of 1984, I placed myself in the Care Unit of Lovejoy Hospital for a month, with the intentions of maintaining my job with the U.S. Postal Service, as well as, maybe, staying sober for a little while. I had a female Christian counselor named Claire, who was my guide while residing in this facility. A requirement was to keep a daily journal, and to document our “internal weather” while undergoing reorientation into a life of “sobriety”.

I remained quite uncomfortable recording my “interior universe”. Little had changed since high school with becoming “honest with my self”, and finding any hidden gems to discover, and write about. I found that i could write a lot, however, if what i wrote had the intention of “pleasing others” ,especially if they were female in orientation. Also if I could sometimes make somebody else a little “wrong” for what they were, or more regularly for me, accept FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE MISTAKES OF OTHERS, I could find something to write about. Yet, something else was also brewing inside, to be revealed at a later time.

Every day my desire for PEACE was acknowledged, all the while attending the daily groups, and counseling sessions. I attempted to practice the 12 steps of AA, for alcoholic recovery, which demands insight, and rigorous honesty. My chances were still “less than average”, due to fundamental flaws in the basic makeup of my “personal consciousness, and awareness”. A lifetime of oppression, insanity, and repression of spirit, does not just magically disappear because others, or myself, think that it might be a good idea.

The final descent into darkness is documented in Part One, the Path Through Individual Consciousness. Suffice it to say, to follow new paths of consciousness means to “become aware” as a human being, and listen to my heart, and the heart of others, as we travel these uncertain paths of life that lay before us. And, I must continue to accept personal responsibility for all of my thoughts and actions, while supporting others to do the same. We must walk together, or die alone.

In the absolute, All that we ever see, unto eternity, is our own self. As I look upon the world, and all of my relationships with the people, the land, the animals, and inner and outer space, I see an evolving landscape that demands collaboration and involvement by ALL PEOPLE, and representation for those beings who do not have a voice in such matters. This is a landscape that demands that I make my own unique impression upon it. I must first confront the demons within my own mind and heart before I strike out against the “outer world”, lest I project unhealed images and intentions upon the unsuspecting population.

“The unexamined life will be painfully lived”

—-Jack Boland, several years before his death from cancer.

Insight and mindfulness, meditation, walking away from self-destructive dependencies, maintaining dialogue with others, speaking our truth, fighting against oppression of others, and repression within our own hearts and souls, following new paths of consciousness, working out our own salvation, while helping others on their own paths (only as requested) as well, are ways to develop collective awareness, and healing, and bringing peace of mind to our own interior universe. We cannot love others, or our own lives, completely, until we make peace within our own hearts and souls.

Our negative assessments, or judgements of others, and of our self, both physical form and spiritual essence, is the reason for the spiritual imprisonment for all of us. This internal, and social, process of consciousness has become culturally inculcated into our awareness, and we all share in this “collective consciousness”.  A most important aspect of this “collective consciousness” is the “common knowledge game”, a phenomena well-studied in the last generation by Nobel Prize winners, mathematicians, and New York Times best-selling authors and philosophers (this has been called many other names by seers and seekers over the millennia). This is the mechanism by which we can collectively keep each other imprisoned. This process has become so ingrained in consciousness, so accepted, so standardized, so normalized that the individual who even casually practices it continues to contribute to the imprisonment of all of mankind through this process.

Here is a more specific explanation and definition of the Common Knowledge Game (Game Theory is an offshoot of this phenomenon). There are several good books to be read on the matter, and articles on the theory are available on the internet, should your own insight into or experience of it not be sufficient for its understanding.  My thanks to several published authors for providing some of the information in the following discussion about the Common Knowledge Game.

An item of information in a game is common knowledge if all of the players know it (it is mutual knowledge) and all of the players know that all other players know it and all other players know that all other players know that all other players know it, and so on. This is much more than simply saying that something is known by all, but also implies that the fact that “what is known by me” is also known by all, etc.  Thus, common knowledge implies not only that we all know some piece of information, but can also be absolutely confident that the rest know it, and that the rest know that we know it, and so on.

Consider a simple example of several jealous office workers seeking to demean a common foe, be it a boss or a motivated co-worker, or practicing racism, sexism, religious persecution, etc. (this can be several human beings practicing typical mutually inaccurate assessments of a party not currently in their presence, also typical of what happens in big companies, politics and Donald Trump style “tweet attacks” , high school, or in church). To those with prior knowledge, this will be reminiscent of the “mob mind”, and how it acts in the real world. The participants will not attack unless they are sure that the other will attack at exactly the same time, as nobody wants to be the lone attacker, becoming vulnerable and thus expose their own intent for aggression. The first person sends out a “feeler” (verbal exchange of internalized culturally inculcated thought process) to the other parties with the message “You know, I am really unhappy with Mr. X, he is problematic.” Yes, we warm up for the attack, by gently degrading the third-party, while awaiting the others reply within the group physically or emotionally present, which, hopefully affirms our intent. Our verbal or written means of attempting to communicate with the other “attackers” may be misinterpreted, so we initially have no collective security in adopting an “attack mode”. If however, the message of attack is received simultaneously by others within the group, which it does in “common knowledge modes of thought”, then the attack is on. Note that all parties already know the message. They all knew in advance that the “other attackers” had the message as well, because it is COMMON KNOWLEDGE that others share at least some of their negative perceptions, and they will attack the other, because they always have before, and they have already prepared their internal fortifications, as well as their “verbal and social weapons” for such an experience.

This is the classic attack/defense posture or mechanism that the entirety of the human race is now participating in. Anybody who has worked in the construction trades, or in work areas dominated by men, know this process quite well. The terms repartee, badinage, bantering, persiflage, etc. are the kind names given to this culturally accepted, and sometimes revered process, whereby we “lightly and without intentional malice” impugn the dignity and reputation of others, through pokes at each other. We call this “humor”, and some may feel almost hurt when others do not engage in this behavior with us. This has been an accepted standard of behavior (though we are finally awakening to darker aspects of this by identifying hostile work environments, and instituting regulations for reducing persecution, racial discrimination, age discrimination, sexual harassment and sexual discrimination in the workplace).

In schools, the wimps, eggheads, goths, transsexuals, homosexuals, hippies, outcasts, or whatever name that defines the “out group” outside of the popular, socially accepted standards of behavior, can be quite susceptible to aggression, antagonism, and bullying.  I think that everyone reading this had experience with this phenomenon in grade or high school.  There only needs to be one in an “in” group, in the presence of others from that group, who may want to impress their peer group, and they begin by attacking a member of the ‘out” group.  It may be only verbal, or it can be a combination of both physical and verbal, but the rules of engagement have already been worked out generations in advance of any new bullying behavior.  It follows standards paths of aggression, hostility, belittlement, and debasement, and somehow the aggressor becomes elevated in stature, at the expense of the victim.  Of course, these are the same behaviors that get translated into our adult life as racism, xenophobia, and the callous judgement against the poor, old, disabled, and the rest of the compromised members of society, that our conservative Republican politicians and wayward POTU$ continue to try to abuse and deprive of health care and welfare.

Be aware, once again, of what the “common knowledge game” really is. Briefly, it is the process whereby we have internalized the verbal understandings of all others, whereby ignorant, judgmental, limiting, obfuscating, damaging, soul-destroying concepts of self and other are “socially acceptable” modes for assessing and understanding the self, and the other. This are internalized, and socialized, and this “knowledge” becomes a collectively shared experience. And, we all know that everybody else knows what we know, while we know what everybody else knows.  Within the Christian churches with backwoods understanding, we are all “sinners”, we are “corrupt”, we have no hope for “salvation”, etc. unless we believe a certain way, and bow down before certain philosophies and religious and political leaders.  Who wants to be damned to hell for eternity for not following the religious path?  Everybody knows that is where you go when you disobey the laws that are represented in the bible, or expounded upon by the minister.

Through a process which has existed since verbal consciousness first formed in humanity, we develop verbal constructs to represent the outside world in our own internal universe. Yet, none of these internalized assessments are 100% accurate, NOR COULD THEY EVER BE, even though the entirety of human consciousness now shares in the illusion that what they do represent what is actually “out there” as represented by their current misunderstanding of their fellow human being, and their current relationship to the other (“the finger pointing at the moon can never be the moon”). And, we use these constructs to oppress, repress, and deny the other, all the while unconsciously honoring the culturally inculcated process of mutual oppression, and repression, of the Divine. We are all potential scapegoats for “the other”, especially when collaboration in a process is not a value, and much of our energy may become directed to prevention of us from becoming blamed or accused of behavior everybody is already responsible for, with or without us, anyway. PROJECTION IS PAINFUL, and we all feel its wrath from time to time.

Civil War, by Guns and Roses

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALhwQKTRAgA

Our culture shows many examples of this process playing out in movies, on TV programs, and, of course, we all experience this in our day-to-day lives, as we interact with our social and cultural environment. The implications are vast, and insidious. Please consider the following excerpt from the movie COOL HAND LUKE

Captain: You gonna get used to wearing those chains after a while, Luke. Don’t you never stop listening to them clinking, ‘cause they gonna remind you what I been saying for your own good.

Luke: I wish you’d stop being so good to me, Cap’n.

Captain: Don’t you ever talk that way to me. NEVER! NEVER! [Captain hits Luke, who rolls down the hill to the other prisoners] What we’ve got here is … failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. I don’t like it any more than you men.

The “failed” communication of the Captain to Luke is the basis for the successful communication of the Captain to the prisoners: subvert my rules and you will be crushed. The brutal message is made in public, not so that all the prisoners can see what happens to Luke, but so that all the prisoners can see all the prisoners seeing what happens to Luke.

In environments like prisons, the education system, the military, and larger groups up to, and including, American society, behavioral decisions based on private information (“I saw Luke beaten down for breaking the rules. If I break the rules I might get beaten, too.”) are almost always weaker than behavioral decisions based on Common Knowledge (“Everyone knows that if you break the rules like Luke you will be beaten down. Why would I even think about breaking the rules?”). The latter is a more stable equilibrium because, in effect, the prisoners themselves end up enforcing the warden’s (or societies’) rules. Even if you privately believe that you and your fellow prisoners could make a break for it, so long as you believe that “everyone knows” that you will be punished for breaking the rules, then you do not believe that you will receive any support from your fellow prisoners (fellow citizens, or friends). It is irrational to even raise the subject with your fellow prisoners, as you will mark yourself as someone who is either too stupid or too dangerous not to recognize what everyone else knows that everyone else knows. And because everyone is making a similar calculation, no one ever makes an escape attempt and the Common Knowledge grows stronger over time, as does the no-escaping behavioral equilibrium. This is why the Captain goes to such lengths not just to punish Luke for his escape attempts, but to break Luke, and not just to break Luke, but to break Luke as publicly as possible.

A variation of the Common Knowledge game appears in a story first presented in ancient times.  Plato has Socrates describe a group of people who have lived chained to the wall of a cave all of their lives, facing a blank wall. The people watch shadows projected on the wall from objects passing in front of a fire behind them, and give names to these shadows. The shadows are the prisoners’ reality. Socrates explains how the philosopher is like a prisoner who is freed from the cave and comes to understand that the shadows on the wall are not reality at all, for he can perceive the true form of reality rather than the manufactured reality that is the shadows seen by the prisoners.

The inmates of this place do not even desire to leave their prison, for they know no better life. The prisoners manage to break their bonds one day, and discover that their reality was not what they thought it was. They discovered the sun, which Plato uses as an analogy for the fire that man cannot see behind. Like the fire that cast light on the walls of the cave, the human condition is forever bound to the impressions that are received through the senses. Even if these interpretations are an absurd misrepresentation of reality, we cannot somehow break free from the bonds of our human condition – we cannot free ourselves from phenomenal state just as the prisoners could not free themselves from their chains. If, however, we were to miraculously escape our bondage, we would find a world that we could not understand – the sun is incomprehensible for someone who has never seen it. In other words, we would encounter another “realm,” a place incomprehensible because, theoretically, it is the source of a higher reality than the one we have always known; it is the realm of pure Form, pure fact.

Because of the Common Knowledge game, there is enormous power in making a Public Spectacle out of information, which is why our local and national news (see Fox News and Sinclair Broadcasting), especially those tainted by the present day propaganda generators, Presidential Twitter Posts, terminations from employment, public humiliations, coronations and executions (remember Timothy McVey?) alike are carried out in front of live audiences, posted to Facebook, broadcast through Twitter feeds, and/or are televised.  This lesson in behavioral influence – the crowd doesn’t just need to see the event, the crowd needs to see the crowd seeing the event – is why so many of our modern social institutions – from political campaigns to American Idol – are staged in front of live audiences. When you sit in front of your TV set and watch, say, a national political convention, you are infinitely more engaged with the event when you see a crowd than when we don’t. We can’t help our self. It doesn’t even matter if the live audience is faked and we know that the audience is faked … have you ever listened to a sitcom without a laugh track? It’s just not as funny. The fact is that humans are social animals. We are hard-wired to look for and respond to Common Knowledge, and smart people – from political leaders to religious leaders to business leaders – have taken advantage of this for thousands of years.

What happens in the diseased family structure (alcoholism and drug addiction, physical and sexual abuse, psychological abuse of all types) in many situations of discipline and control exactly parallel the common knowledge game? Eventually, the children learn not to attempt to act out, or break free from, the oppressive qualities of an abusive parent, or parents, their church and its interpretation of “religious thought”, and their educational experience. Breaking the spirit of the abused child, and making sure that other members know that such “punishment” will also come their way keeps children under control, but also victimized, and traumatized. Children entering the school system where bullies are allowed to run free get to experience this process once again, in a bigger social setting. And, children who attend a church where the dignity of the individual is constantly degraded through their religious philosophy (you are a sinner, you always have been a sinner, and unless you believe the way we do, you are evil, and doomed to an eternity in hell) also will feel the horrific abuse of the COMMON KNOWLEDGE GAME. If any of us were to speak out against our oppressors, we will be punished severely, and we will be smacked down, and “roll down the hill” just like what happened to Paul Newman in the movie Cool Hand Luke.

So, our COMMON KNOWLEDGE GAME keeps all of us in some sort of order, albeit one that affirms the false truth that we are all broken human beings, with our only hope for salvation lying with chaotic, and insane, orders of unreality that continue to be inculcated into our collective consciousness. In other words, unless we march to the drummer of our religious and cultural past, we will be judged, persecuted, marginalized, and otherwise thrown to the wolves, with little hope for our own redemption.  Woe to the brave individual that strikes out on his own,  and attempts to find a new way of being in this world of chaos, distraction, and torment.

Far too many men engage in the Conspiracy of Silence daily.  These are the

don’t talk

don’t touch

don’t feel

don’t engage

don’t listen

don’t change

attitudes that we witness over and over again in far too many men in our lives.  The Conspiracy of Silence is a common practice for addicts, alcoholics and generally dysfunctional people of both genders, and is also a prime underlying principle in the Common Knowledge Game.  There is little wonder as to why our culture is so emotionally and  spiritually disfigured.

The Buddha had his own ideas about what constitutes mental health, and by his definition anyone who isn’t well on the way to Enlightenment is insane. Quite how literally he meant it when he said “All humans are mad” is hard to say, but when he looked at ordinary people like us going about their daily business he saw a world out of balance — and a world that by necessity is out of balance, because it is composed of those same off-kilter individuals.  He viewed this imbalance as a form of perversion, inversion, and/or derangement  He understood that we, collectively, misunderstand the world that we live in, misunderstand ourselves, thus we all end up living in a virtual reality of delusion, confusion, and distortion.  What’s more, we largely share the same delusions, which mean that we don’t even realize that our minds are disturbed.

As Krishnamurti suggests, it’s possible to think that we’re spiritually and mentally healthy because we share our mistaken values and understandings with those around us. Collectively, our ill minds create social circles, or society that is itself ill, and we consider ourselves healthy because we see our values reflected in our spiritually sick fellow travelers.

Jesus of Nazareth stated quite clearly that “My kingdom is not of this world”. Also he stated “Be in this world, yet do not be of it”. And, “Do not attempt to remove the silver from another’s eye, before first removing the log from your own eye”. Finally, he also stated “Straight is the way, and narrow is the gate, and very few there are who will enter in”. “Truly I tell you,” Jesus also said, “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

This is a pretty clear message, for those who have “ears to hear”.

Pockets of conscious, self-aware, healthy people have been sprouting up among the weeds of American misunderstanding since the beginning of our time together as a people and nation. Perhaps these pockets will someday be woven into  a national garment of spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and physical well-being, to be worn by all. This is not happening while I am still alive, however, and may not ever be realized in our time, or any time for that matter. Changes must happen within consciousness itself, and the “common knowledge game” that we all unconsciously play must be examined, and re-examined again and again, until we are no longer subjugated to its darker sides of oppression and repression of human spirit.

Yes, our country is in a downward spiral, where telling the truth is no longer a virtue, but instead it is bastardized, and spun into alternate reality fantasies, to be just another tool to be abused by propagandists. Propagandists are masters at manipulating fear, distrust, lies, half-truths, and specious reasoning, which also help to create new channels of control in the Common Knowledge Game.  We are in a war of ideologies, and the “first victim of war is the truth”. Supporting and promoting Pseudo-Christian Apocalyptic irrationality, and making “America Great Again” for the rich, for the polluting energy industry, and for the military, spells doom for the rest of us, and for our precious world.  Donald Trump and his family constitute non-holistic capitalism, and, at times, a borderline criminal enterprise. It is both a reflection on Donald Trump, and of America itself, that a known liar, cheater, manipulator, and one time Russian money dependent bankrupt businessman would be elected as Commander-in-Chief.

The most corrupt human being to occupy the White House in many, many generations (maybe ever?) knows a little about corruption and lying. It is kind of hard not too, since he is a master at both. Accusing others of his own bad behavior is typical of all “projectionists”, especially when guilty of all charges, and unable to mount a rational defense. The only fake news here is when Donald Trump opens his hyperbolic mouth, and entertains his minions with his verbal drooling. This dirty diaper of a human being needs to be changed, QUICKLY.  TREASON:  Trump Related Extreme Anxiety Strikes Our Nation.

THE OLD MAN UP THERE

The Ultimate Position, God, has been vacated by that White Bearded White Man wearing flowing robes, who used to sit on, and rule from the Golden Throne. Yes, that old, worn out fantasy of an image for God no longer serves the awakening consciousness of our world, though it still serves the ignorant, and the artist, quite well.

I have an idea. . . Donald Trump could resign from the presidency, be given that position, rule from his White Porcelain Altar, and not miss a beat, or a wipe. It is said that his greatest thoughts are engraved daily upon the sacred white Twitter scrolls of his toilet paper. His followers will have the same success worshiping this false Idol as they did his “predecessor”.

It is a win-win proposition. Our country can then survive and prosper, and Trump can stay in his ignorant, hateful, delusional world, ruling without conflict, while the rest of his hypnotized minions continue to ponder why they feel abandoned by their “God”.

In God’s Universe, and Mind, all that is ever seen, unto eternity, is Itself. In Trump’s universe, in which he sees “shit-hole countries”, rest assured that this is the most revealing insight into how he sees himself, and his relationship to the ALL. All of the Universe is but a ‘shit hole’ to Trump, if it has no use to him with his self-serving agendas. Pardon me if I excuse myself from his twisted, deluded “divine mission’.

The rest of humanity can continue to witness the real God working It’s Love and Miracles with the Awakened People Of Our Country, and The World, guiding the Aware, opened Hearts and Minds, as It always has. The dark and ignorant will continue to unconsciously benefit, without ever knowing why. And Trump can continue to be worshiped as the Dark King that he is.

Just a thought, with my verbal tongue planted firmly in my cheek.

Yes, the “devil made me do it!”

We have tens of millions of Americans who believe in their “leaders” no matter what (and many of these “blanket believers” also regard their religious “reasoning” AS BEYOND QUESTION), thus insanity and irrationality are built right into most of our collective understandings, and our individual personalities. i have little or no hope for that backward segment of our country (the poor will always be among us). The laziness of their obese minds, overweight with rampant materialism, distrust of others unlike themselves, and ignorance, coupled with the rest of America’s present ineffectiveness at dealing with this national disgrace known as our POTU$, will potentially rain down all sorts of cruel and unfortunate outcomes upon all of us.

The healthy, sane, spiritually inspired individual steps outside of the COMMON KNOWLEDGE GAME, and practices seeing him or herself through a new lens with few or NO VERBAL CONSTRUCTS from our culturally damaged memories, the only “place” where a “heart centered experience” of the other becomes possible. Ultimately, if there is any words to be shared about what is experienced, it serves only as a temporary bridge to understanding, to be discarded at the earliest possible moment, as truth reveals itself MOMENT TO MOMENT, and not just through the shared verbal constructs of a dead past that may have arisen.

In mystical Christianity, The WORD was meant to represent the spiritually realized person, whose very being, and words, come from the Truth as it exists in this eternal moment. Historically, some religious interpreters mistakenly believe that the Word becomes flesh in only one human form (Jesus), and dwelt among us some 2000 years ago (sorry, to those who misinterpret the first Christian mystic, St. Paul and his main disciple through the New Testament book of John). The Word actually points to a loving, non-verbal reality, far above and beyond the limiting verbal beliefs and insane actions of man in the world, and it also points to the human beings who through all time have been able to access that energy, express it in new, unique, loving ways, while practicing its universal principles in all of their affairs.

SATAN’S GREATEST TEACHING

Satan and his lead disciple drifted above planet Earth, and would, on occasion, descend down upon the human population, and Satan would make his observations on their behavior, so that his student could learn some more of the great lessons of the truth of the Dark Master.  One of their investigations brought them to a single man in an open field, who looked up to the heavens, with a great look of joy upon his face.  As Satan and his disciple looked closer, they found that the man was holding something in his hands, close to his heart.  The man walked back to his home, protecting his sacred find from the scrutiny of the outside world.

The disciple asked Satan, “What do you think that this human has found?”

“Oh, he has found Truth”, replied Satan, with a satisfied look on his face.

“But Satan, how can you be so happy?  Should we not be terrified by this horrible revelation?  This could spell the end of your rule over our earthly kingdom!”

“Hush, my student, and listen closely.  We are about to help this man organize his “truth” into yet another religion.  This is my greatest teaching, that organized religion can become the tool that gives us the greatest leverage to capture and imprison the minds and hearts of the people.”

I was not to find my “higher power” through American Christianity, though I certainly devoted many years of both superficial and in depth research into its philosophy and practice.  I attended Sunday school for several years, which set the foundation for my inconsistent and unsatisfying relationship with that body of belief.  I stopped going to church by the time I was 11 years old, and I would not return to active interest in that religion until 1980, when I had to take Theology at the University of Portland.  I became interested in Christianity once again, as an adult, and as a student, as a result of my college education.  But I was also quite interested in other religions, as well.  My resurgence of interest was to be quashed, when I met the Deering brothers at the University of Portland.  There were three of them, and one was an international drug dealer who just happened to be attending college.  When I met Mike, my Christian interest waned, as my renewed interest in higher powered drugs re-emerged.

I had two more immersions in Christianity, once in 1984, while attending the Lovejoy Hospital Care Unit, to recover from drug addiction and alcoholism, and once again in 1987, when I was baptized at the Hinson Baptist Church.  One of my “friends’ at the Care Unit attended Hinson, and so I bought a new suit, and attended church with him on Sundays for awhile, until alcoholism  became more interesting to me than healing my “sins”.  When I first became sober in March of 1987, I started going back to church, not knowing that I had better options for spiritual understanding available.  When I was introduced to Jack Boland, an internationally known and loved speaker on recovery issues, I found that I no longer needed to follow that awkward path anymore.  It was shortly after hearing Jack speak that I had my first real “conversion” experience.

There are many people of a “religious nature” who speak about being “born again” in Christ, whatever that might mean to them, and to the community of people who support such a possibility.  I cannot claim to have had that kind of experience, as I am a four-time dropout from the American Christian faith, and I will not be returning to that style of understanding again.  I knew from the earliest of ages that there was something quite amiss with Christian theology, though I returned back to it several times over the course of my life.   My own cultural conditioning, immature personal insight, plus not being  courageous, resourceful or creative enough to  look for “truth” with a different set of eyes, kept me going back to the murky, turbulent spiritual well of American Christianity.  Over countless generations many have experienced, and claimed for themselves, enhanced meaning and healing for their lives as a direct result of their Christian faith.   Most derive some sort of comfort believing that there is an afterlife, and that they are somehow protected from death because of their belief system  However, I was never satisfied with those ideas, so when I drank from Christianity’s well ,my spiritual thirst was never adequately quenched..

Any religion that starts with the premise that man is a sinner, and separated from God does not provide a good philosophical starting point for understanding our basic relationship to our planet Earth, to ourselves and each other,  and to all of Creation, and also only provides conditional support for the real dignity and intrinsic value of each life form present upon our beautiful home.  God did not ever create only one divinely inspired son, who “died for our sins”, and who requires our lifelong allegiance to him, period,  The passage “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, and whosoever believes in him will not perish, but have everlasting life” needs to be spiritually discerned.  There is only One creation, of which we are all an intimate part of.  Collectively, the world that we live upon is God’s One Creation or “son/daughter”, in which we all share, including all of our animal friends and neighbors.  A statement more representing the truth is that because of our misunderstanding about who we are, and what our true relationship is to each other, we kill each other either physically, or spiritually with our ignorance, greed, hatred, and false judgements, and monetize, plunder,  and victimize all other life forms upon our entire planet.

The story of the prodigal son IS ACTUALLY A PARABLE OF THE STORY OF JESUS OF NAZARETH, and is, potentially, our own story as well. Those Toxic Christians that make him divinely inspired from birth have turned his life into a myth, rather than the story of a real life human leader of the movement towards healing Toxic Religion and Toxic Masculinity.  We can all reach towards the divinity within us, and that happens through going through the darkness CONSCIOUSLY, while shedding the prison uniforms of the prevailing philosophical, religious, and political powers of the day. The light of unfettered love that shines after leaving the darkness has many names, though it need not be clothed with more verbal contrivances, dogmas, or theories.

It is more than unfortunate that Christianity has created yet another Idol to worship, another ‘golden calf’ to carry around and show off to others, while claiming pseudo-righteousness for themselves. All the while they sacrifice the innocent blood of “non-believers” at their altars of hate and ignorance. There is no acceptable way to have Trump and Christ Consciousness walking hand in hand. One exists at the exclusion of the other, PERIOD.   Any group of human beings who continue to align themselves with the abomination of a human being that is named Donald Trump need to make dramatic course changes in the direction of their own lives, and their wayward understanding of themselves and their “religion”.

The truth is that each one of us has a divine seed planted within ourselves, and our dedication to going beyond our own selfishness and self-deceit will sprout that seed, and eventually unveil the One True God. The only “sacrifice” required of us to reveal God’s presence in our lives is to let go of our own, and our cultures’, ignorance towards spiritual matters, find a way to release ourselves from our suffering, and eliminate fear of all others unlike ourselves, which means, in a nutshell, to let go of our ego controls/control dramas.  If we want to just remain sheep looking for a shepherd, then be prepared to live a limited, ignorant, tribal life.  No teacher, minister, saint, guru, or Jesus himself will save us, we must each work out our own “salvation”, whatever that might mean to us as individuals.  For those who like to move in herds, the Christian religion, and affiliated churches, provides community support, and some context, for those who need institutionalized guidance  Because the Church has become so politicized in recent years, and because of the power of the collective unconscious mind, coupled with divisive group energy dynamics, the development and expression of a “mob mind” mentality can result, and turn a potentially spiritually oriented community into the minions of power figures promoting white supremacy, homophobia, xenophobia, religious persecution,  and organized hatred and encourage blatant tribalism, all in the guise of promoting supposed “Christian values”.

The search for God (or truth, higher power, change, healing, awe, wonder, beauty, creativity, etc.) through institutionalized religious teachings can be likened to searching for sunbeams with a flashlight.  I have placed the dimmed flashlight of American Christianity permanently back into the drawer, as it tends to obscure the light of truth with its arcane philosophical and mythological filters, and present day spiritual malpractice and politically inspired malfeasance.   I will not be using “Christian terms” to define or describe my experience, except where unavoidable.  Yes, I now follow new paths of consciousness, having tired of reaching the same dead end to the bumpy, rutted road that organized religion kept taking me on.

Before I leave this part of the writing, I just want to acknowledge the absolute majesty, and beauty, of the enlightened Christian movement, where the teachings of the Christian mystics are honored and meditated upon with passion and understanding. There are so many “gospels” or works of the good news of the spiritual foundation for our humanity, and how we might achieve it., It is an absolute requirement to try to follow newer paths of consciousness, as all lessons lead to insight, which in turn leads to an enhanced experience, appreciation, and understanding of our “power greater than ourselves”, which, counter-intuitively, resides at the very core of every being in existence. Meister Eckert, Teilhard de Chardin, and, more recently, Joel Goldsmith, and countless other men and women mystics over the history of our civilization I owe an eternal debt of gratitude to. The truth sought lies at the mystical foundation of our religion, but very few there be that may ever find it, or enter into it. The ignorant, unenlightened Christian cannot see the forest for the trees. It is to this audience that most illusory ideas are promoted, as there is a historic perception that most of humanity is too “coarse” to perceive the reality behind religion, thus the need for the rituals, rites, passing show and movements of thought to capture and hypnotize, until, hopefully, their own desire for truth takes precedence in their lives, and they can open up to the real religion that connects all of life together.

John Lennon and the song “God”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkybcZ_stAk

Fellow Portlanders of the Baby Boomer generation, remember those late night television commercials in the 1960’s and 1970’s, where Tom Peterson would come on the air, and knock on the inside of the screen of our TV’s, yelling “WAKE UP! WAKE UP!!” ?

This is John Lennon’s equivalent in song, without the sales pitch to buy a TV!

A select few in our world grow weary of being tied to the whipping post of cultural and religious ignorance, and break free from those punishing, choking, binding chains. In “waking up”, a certain aloneness ( all-One-ness) is found, a journey towards individual and collective healing. When God as a religious concept finally dies, Reality awakens. Life becomes a profound experience, even if living a simple life.

Fasten the seat belt, though, because when we finally let go of our controlling thoughts, the journey through the Unknown becomes quite the exhilarating ride through the unexpected, unanticipated, unexplored aspects of the human heart and soul! And the real life “sleeping beauty” finally Awakens, which some give the name “LOVE”.

No longer is one on the “outside looking in”, One is on the “inside looking everywhere”. Then, all that we will ever see, unto eternity, is our Self, in its infinitude of forms.

How will we see our Self today?

WITH NO LIMITS

“IMAGINE” THAT!

True connection with our self and with the other, takes much time, insight, and commitment. Our culture, its values, its continuing deterioration into poorer spiritual, mental and physical health with its excess dependencies upon the medical profession, drugs and alcohol, media saturation and escapist entertainment, and pseudo “political, economic, religious, and spiritual teachers” and all of its supposed “saviors”, reflects the historical progression of the destruction of the DIVINE within all of us.

Understanding how we form the walls of the prison that we each may live in individually leads to the insight that removes these walls, once and for all. Next time we look at our self, or someone else, and we do not have a loving perception, we will know that we need to dig deeper, to find the gold that is buried, hidden under the debris left by the entire history of the Common Knowledge Game of human perception.

Awe, wonder, love, connection, healing, wholeness, collaboration, good mental health, all lie within the realm of possibilities for humanity. One person at a time, by accepting personal responsibility for all of our perceptions, and the transmutation of their dark energy into lighter energy through insight, mindfulness, and meditation will bring to us what we have been looking for since Mankind first arrived on this planet.

When the Word becomes flesh, it must travel lightly!

I am no longer actively participating in the most powerful division of the common knowledge game (American male collective consciousness), where male domination and control run rampant, and are accepted as socially acceptable standards of behavior. I have become a “traitor” to those multitudes of men who still insist on keeping their dark secrets to themselves, or only sharing with others also encumbered by the darkness (“all women are bitches”, “locker room talk?”, “boys will be boys”, “don’t talk, don’t tell”, “all people unlike ourselves are inferior, let’s bully or persecute them”, etc.). After experiencing the oppression from our male dominated culture through much of my adult life, and my own internal repressive characteristics developed through incomplete lessons learned as a developing human being, I have become committed to the lifelong process that ultimately brings liberation of my spirit from imprisonment in a mercurial, warmongering male ego. I now choose for full self disclosure of all beliefs, characteristics, and behaviors that would bring harm to myself, to others, and to the world. It is these secrets that are kept unconscious, deep within the non-examined crevasses of our minds and hearts, that have the potential to bring the greatest harm to self and other.

What might a man performing a self-examination through internal probing discover about his self?. To uncover the treasure, we first have to dig through the dirt, and believe me, it can be a toxic waste site., This requires patience, time, experience, and humility, but eventually insight is developed whereby we, as men, can see the forces of corruption within our own heart and soul, and through the seeing, we also facilitate the healing, as well.

Here are some principles of toxic masculinity that I found lived in unconscious domains of my own mind and heart. I have exaggerated them, and linked them with common monetary, sexual, and personal power dynamics.  And yes, these principles, or variations of these themes, are part of the Common Knowledge Game fundamentals for erroneous understanding of self and other.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #1:

I am the center of the Universe. The rest of humanity is here either for my pleasure, for my profit, or for my disdain. I may attend a church occasionally, so that I can create the impression that I worship a higher power than myself. But, I already know that there is no higher power but me. HUMILITY IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME, and is only for the poor and weak among us.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #2

Truly loving another human being is a sign of weakness, and thus I must continue to suppress all such impulses so that I can achieve my selfish goals. I will carry on a campaign of hatred, judgement, and condemnation of all people unlike myself, all the while claiming to represent their interests at the highest level of my being (with subtlety, if one is of the passive/aggressive nature) . The ignorant people populating my world will hopefully associate my hateful behavior with their understanding of what love is, thus damaging the hearts and souls of all who may fear, respect, and/or follow me. My schizophrenia will be confusing to others, but may still be normalized, as others that I may have influenced model and support my behavior.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #3:

People are most valuable if they can be monetized. If I can’t make money from my relationship with people, then I don’t necessarily need them. They will have to prove that they belong in my life in some other selfish self-serving ways.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #4:

Never admit that I am wrong. Always blame somebody else for my problems. The admission of guilt is a sign of weakness, and only for those who do not have sufficient monetary and legal power. I don’t need your forgiveness for my mistakes, because, as far as you should be concerned, I do not ever make mistakes.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #5:

I have a right to choose how much drugs and alcohol that I consume.  I do not need feedback from others telling me that I am abusing my medicine and/or alcohol.  I have earned the right to drink as much as I feel like, because I make so many sacrifices in my life, and I deserve an extra break and release through excessive alcohol and;/or drug consumption.  I do not have a problem, and if you think that I have a problem with my chemicals, then it is your misunderstanding, and not my own.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #6:

Never spend any time in self-reflection or meditation. Developing insight is difficult and time-consuming, and I have more important things to do  I am already perfect, I always have been perfect, and everybody else needs to change to accommodate my needs. If I am not “perfect” today, I always have someone, or something, else to blame.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #7

If I can’t get my way with another human being, then I will cajole or bully them into submission, or attack their name and character, and/or impugn their dignity, until they either submit, or are discredited by my allies.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #8

Everybody unlike me  should be distrusted. Relationships built through mutual trust and collaboration can be threatening to my short-term goals, and should not be cultivated, as only alliances of hate and distrust are capable of bringing me to my goals.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #9:

The women in our lives are more suited to be our personal possessions than self-sufficient, independent people, and are not to be treated as equals, and are better suited for exploitation for family support, sexual purposes and/or economic gain.

Toxic Masculinity Principle # 10

If I can’t get my way through truth-telling, then the telling of lies becomes my most potent weapon. If I am caught in a lie, then it is only your misunderstanding of my point, and not what I said, that is wrong. If I tell the same lie often enough, then people will start to accept the lie as the truth.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #11

If there is no conflict currently in progress, then I must start creating the conditions for the next one, and socially position myself so that I can maximize emotional profits and visibility for myself.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #12

I never will obtain enough money, power, sex, or attention to keep me happy. I must continue to pursue these needs to extremes in order to keep me from becoming depressed and losing my sense of personal value in this world. If I achieve my goals, and I am still unhappy, I must set new goals to attempt to fill that big hole in my heart and soul.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #13

I am the king of my home. I have created my kingdom to serve my selfish needs. If my rules are not honored, and my intentions for the family do not hold up, and family members start to stray, I will coerce, cajole, or threaten all wayward members with violence, if necessary. The family must stay together under my control, no matter what the cost to others might be.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #14

Perfectionism and full control of others should not be mutually exclusive propositions. I will judge, criticize, and condemn others, and myself, as needed, to bring all of my world into alignment with how I think that it should be. I will compare and contrast my wealth and success with others to establish the best baseline for my expectations and behavior.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #15

If those closest to me engage in betrayal, and destroy my sacred relationship with my family, I must avenge myself, and destroy all who have threatened my life and values. My wife is my property, and my property alone.  If she should ever have an affair with another man, I reserve the right to punish her and my family, up to, and including, murdering them. If I must die in the process, it is a good death for me.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #16

It is my right to destroy my creations even as I destroy myself, so murder-suicide is an acceptable option in the extreme, when my needs have been dishonored, and I feel that I have no more options to improve my life situation.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #17

My wife and my children are first and foremost my possessions. I will direct and control as necessary, and nobody else has any right to criticize my choices in how I provide and care for them.  My whole sense of self-esteem is derived by how deeply they honor and obey me, without argument or back talk. I do not want or need alternate points of view, as my view is the only view that is relevant.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #18

I have been a failure since I never measured up to my father’s, my church’s, or my society’s standards. I will continue to self-sabotage my success at ever bend in life’s road, and I will see life as a self-fulfilling prophesy of incompleteness and loss. I will not even question that my life has other possibilities for it, and I will resign myself to my depressing fate.

Toxic Masculinity Principle #19

I reserve the right to murder anybody, when it suits my needs to protect myself. I will justify my possession and use of firearms through quoting the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution, as well as pointing to the fear and threats in our world, and our country as my own justification for stockpiling weapons. I will not listen to reason, as my mind is made up, and you can have my weapons after “prying them from my cold, dead hands” (thanks NRA, and the late mega-asshole Charlton Heston).

This list is the abbreviated list, as aspects of our collective selfishness covers the entire range of human darkness.

Some Of these Toxic Masculinity Principles deserves more embellishment, so I will now develop a few of them.

MALE TERRORISM: SOME MEN, AND WOMEN, JUST WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN.

I have made a personal acquaintance with the Hindu God, Lord Shiva, the god of Destruction. Of all the “gods’ that the human race consciously or unconsciously worships, this aspect of most American male egos needs some dissection and examination, so that the entirety of our human race will no longer be hypnotized by its apocalyptic spell.

The unconscious male, Christian, American, Russian, Muslim, Jew, or whatever label you like, is the seed bed for true terrorism in our world.

I will submit a great series of exchanges between Alfred and Batman (Bruce Wayne), from within the Batman movie, the Dark Knight, showing how the writers caught the very essence of the “God of Terror” that lives within us:

Bruce Wayne: [while in the underground bat cave] Targeting me won’t get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn’t go down without a fight, but this is different. They crossed the line.

Alfred Pennyworth: You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation, they turned to a man they didn’t fully understand.

Bruce Wayne: Criminals aren’t complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he’s after.

Alfred Pennyworth: With respect Master Wayne, perhaps this is a man who you don’t fully understand, either. A long time ago, I was in Burma. My friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So, we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never met anybody who traded with him. One day, I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.

Bruce Wayne: So why steal them?

Alfred Pennyworth: Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with.

SOME MEN JUST WANT TO WATCH THE WORLD BURN.

Cue in Trump and Bannon’s white supremacist, Christian apocalyptic visions and propaganda, and one can see a phenomenon that our culture rarely speaks about, because male patriarchy dominates the truth, the discussion, and the conclusions.

Within all men lies the seeds of the destruction of our very planet Earth. It has been given many names over time, but the end result is that when men are stressed at a high enough level, we will self-destruct (including other destruction, as well) if we perceive our creations are imperfect, and no longer deserve our love, respect, and support.

A rational, introspective, evolving human being would use our imperfection to hone our insight into unfolding a higher reality within ourselves, but for most men, such a change is threatening, and healing is regarded as a threat to our very being. I let “healing” chase me through the gates of hell, to Death’s actual doorstep, and only when I made a decision to change the way i look at life, could help come my way.

Yes, the collective insanity of the American male (perhaps the world male) is on display right now. Only those men in denial, or with limited awareness of self and other, would ever deny this fact.

Cue in all of the murder/suicides, alcoholism, drug addiction, alienation, child abuse, homelessness, monetization of humanity for the benefit of the few, and, ultimately, insanity, and we see the dark aspects of the world we now live in. This unspoken internal terrorist is the ultimate bullying behavior that we consciously, or unconsciously, utilize as men, when we have had our egos threatened, with no safety outlets perceived.

Only desperate, disconnected human beings would place their faith in this century’s version of the anti-Christ. Trump, Conway, and Bannon (that the three-headed lying monster) have their plan for ascendancy after they deploy their self-serving, wallet fattening, Apocalyptic Insurrection.

I will make another quick diversion into the darkened American Male underbelly of guns and gonads  Toxic masculinity, Toxic Capitalism, Toxic Religion and the NRA’s ideas around guns, are filled with holes, BULLET HOLES. I have written extensively about Toxic Masculinity, and there is a direct relationship between the damaged American Male, and the incidence of gun marketing, distribution, sales, use, and murder and terrorism within our country. Enough is enough, my fellow male (and supporting female) citizens who are hypnotized by the destructive potential of their weapons of war, and by the extremist hooligans that so effectively promote their value to our diseased society.

Human and Civil rights are not equivalent to gun rights, period, and, in fact, supersede all philosophical claims to dominion by extremist gun rights advocates. Owning a gun is a privilege, NOT A RIGHT. The 2nd Amendment has been fine tuned by neurotic, overzealous gun rights advocates to promote ideals not conforming to a rational, effective approach to gun safety and ownership. No individual is a militia, no matter how megalomaniacal they may be, and it is utter nonsense that paranoid people use that as an excuse to stockpile weapons of mass-destruction. See US Supreme Court Justice Warren Burger’s comments on this issue, if you do not trust my point of view.

These are statements of common sense, law, reason, and love. Those who “politicize” this issue with divisive, hateful reasoning, form their deadly alliances (see NRA) around their fears, to help prevent our society from healing. It is up to us to challenge these defective ideas in open forum, and to vote out of office all politicians who support politically sanctioned mass murder, and strictly regulate or ban the weapons used to assault our families, our own bodies, and our sensibilities.

An American society dominated by the self-destructive and other-destructive fantasies of sick minds, (including the ultra-conservative “Christian followers” who believe in Armageddon, and who are doing everything in their power to create the conditions for it), have created this unsafe, upside down world where weapons of mass destruction are worshiped as tools of freedom and safety, rather than being seen for what they are, which are tools for murder, propagation of fear, bullying, and self-righteousness.

The floodwaters of gun violence have been created by the unleashing of weapons upon our society by the twisted advocates of the 2nd Amendment, gun manufacturers, the NRA, and insane minds who understand nothing but fear, self-preservation, and hatred. It is impossible to save ourselves from the ravages of flooding brought about by the dam bursting, so why don’t we work on preventing the dam from bursting in the first place?

Freedom is not preserved and protected through the threatened use of lethal force of one citizen upon another with guns. Freedom is preserved and protected through the understanding that the enemy lies within our own consciousness, and then healing our world through insight, and the cultivation of collaboration, unity, justice, and love. To the extent that Christian America believes in their weapons, is the extent that they do not believe in their supposed Christian ideals, period. The ultra-conservative “Christian” gun promoter is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and should be recognized as such.

Time to listen up, America. Time to shut up, NRA, and the politician’s feeding at their troughs of gun violence, death and insanity. People that profit from the deaths of innocent civilians are worse than terrorists. Why does America support domestic terrorism? Do we understand that our culture is disfigured, diseased, and in need of dramatic change? Guns kill people, and the people who supply guns to people KILL PEOPLE.

There are those who prefer to gloss over the darkness in our society, and call the evil, bullying, and cruelty by names other than what represents the truth of the matter. Learn to recognize these people, and remember that in any coercive society, including Hitler’s Germany, these types of individuals were part of darkness’ support network, whether inadvertently by their own ignorance, or intentionally by their own malevolence.

I have spoken out against guns and gun violence since 1980, and my voice has been drowned out by those who speak louder than me. Now, I am starting to believe that the silent majority is finally going to assert itself, and our country steer towards more rational approaches to gun ownership, and control. Our culture is INSANE, as are the people who support the unfettered DISTRIBUTION AND SALE OF GUNS AND AUTOMATIC WEAPONS. Once again, their specious reasoning and heartless, hollow arguments are filled with holes, the bullet holes of death to our rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

We really are not a “Christian nation”, which may not be a bad thing, taking all factors into consideration, especially the spiritual destruction that our supposed “National Religion” has experienced through political rape and pillage by the brokers of corporate and political power. I believe that Christianity has long since died in this country, and has been taken over the last several generations by politicians and zealots intent on the disfigurement of our society, through contorting our nation so that it conforms to their own dark, selfish needs. These economic, religious, and political bullies create an imbalanced, disfigured world where economic and social disparity reigns supreme, and where violence and mass murder have become culturally acceptable byproducts of the need to serve their own conscious desires for self-promotion, corporate welfare, as well as their NRA masters. Little do they understand, that these are also unconscious desires for their own self-destruction, and the destruction of all others unlike their own mistaken understanding of themselves.

I am not an American Christian, I am appalled and disgusted by those in political power who profess a belief in Christian religious ideology, and go ahead and rape and pillage America in the name of their corrupt Gods of power, hubris, death, and greed. .I follow the directions that Truth and Love create for me in my life. I am not afraid to confront darkness, wherever it might appear, be it in the Church, in the NRA, Congress and in the White House, in our corporations, in my family, or even if it is within my own mind and heart

NRA prayer:  THE LORD’S PRAYER (corrupted)
Our father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name,
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily munitions, and forgive us our poor marksmanship,
While we plot our revenge for the real or imagined trespasses of others.
And lead us not into temptation to be at peace without automatic weapons,
But deliver us from evil with our sacred AR-15’s,
For thine is the kingdom, the firepower, and the glorious gore of death, forever.
Amen

What is the true source of your fear, those who stockpile weapons and fear monger? Patriotism does not support terrorism, Christianity does not support gun violence and terrorism, and true patriots, be they Christians, Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, agnostics, or atheists do not get confused by this.

Jesus, in whatever form “he spiritually exists today” would take his “spiritual sword”, and hack the ideas behind 2nd Amendment hooligans to pieces. If you are seeking for guns, and for weapons of war, you are not seeking for peace.

Tom Petty and I Won’t Back Down

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2h9HPZhqHE

What do we really want and need, as human beings, and what might we need, that we have yet to be able to express clearly to others?  I have listed a few possibilities below, please add your own to the list.

To be able to express our thoughts and feelings authentically, without bringing unnecessary harm to ourselves or to others

To belong, to feel safe while belonging, including the desire to help and protect others while helping oneself,

To speak up, and feel like we really were heard, and not have our spirit layered over with another’s error in reasoning and judgement,

To be able to listen to another at the deepest level possible, and be present in the spirit of understanding, cooperation, and collaboration.

To feel whole, and to be able to recognize that wholeness, not only within ourselves, but within all others, even those living in alternative realities.

To love all others, as well as to be accepted, and loved, by others, with as few conditions attached as possible.

To evolve, for if we do not, we become subject to the forces of friction and chaos inherent within a closed mind, and system, resulting in higher physical and mental disease and dysfunction.

A most important issue of the emotions is our willingness and ability to skillfully express our anger  All too many of us have been victimized by family members, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or strangers who have aggressively and maliciously used this emotion in an attempt to control or abuse others.  Anger gets a really bad name from those who are of a sensitive nature, whose being does not respond well to strong emotions, and from those who have fear of anger itself.

Anger is appropriate in these times, but constructively using this energy for the good of the people requires understanding, however. We are beings of energy, GREAT ENERGY, but that energy gets pushed away every time we fail to recognize that anger may be one of our most important spiritual assets available. There is a vast difference between anger and hatred, and those who confuse the two, in the name of their own dis-empowered belief systems, have given themselves permission to not rise up publicly, and to speak out against those who are attempting to oppress, dominate, and control us. Anger can inform our Passion, and give us access to that extra energy needed to rise up, and speak out. Sitting back on our hands, and developing spiritual philosophies that allow us to ignore what we are viewing is tantamount to creating more FAKE NEWS, and normalizing that which is insanity.

We can’t dismiss what is going on, and deny our hearts and spirits, when there are millions of dis-empowered citizens who cannot defend themselves, or speak out against the oppression, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR RELIGIOUS AND SPIRITUAL LEADERS CONTINUING TO FOIST DIS-EMPOWERING BELIEFS, AND PHILOSOPHIES, UPON THESE UNSUSPECTING ADHERENTS. Though their hearts may be in the “right place”, this is not the time for more dis-empowering agendas from those who have already given themselves permission not to stand up and be counted .Righteous indignation and anger may not be for everybody, but those who have been inspired by these powerful energies can harness them for the greater good of mankind, and, for themselves.

An appropriate response to the needless suffering of others IS ANGER, especially when we are witnessing the same ignorant oppressors repeating the same antagonistic actions over and over again. Speaking out in loud voices is a powerful way to let the oppressors know that we are NOT SHEEP WILLING TO BE LED TO OUR SLAUGHTER, but instead we are warriors willing to stand up and defend our self, our families, our neighbors, and our world. The Liars and Thieves that many times takes the form of politicians and national leaders need to be able to hear our voices. The feeble, baying voices of the multitudes of oppressed sheep of this world will continue to be persecuted, oppressed, and their human values will continue to be systematically trod upon. The AWAKENED AMERICAN has never been a member of that dis-empowered flock, however.

The Far Side: Wait, Wait, We don’t have to be just sheep!

My heart breaks for the innocent, yet somehow, miraculously, love still lives.   And I want to give the reader some hope, after so much description of the down side of the American male consciousness.   My philosophical background predisposes me to the discussion of the blocks to love’s awareness and experience, for by seeing completely the shades pulled over Truth, ultimately we will see through them, to where the mystery of the unknown, and Love itself, actually resides. The capacity for insight brings change, in the actual seeing IS AWAKENED THE CAPACITY FOR LASTING INTERNAL CHANGE.  The  Kingdom of Love is where the need for words is almost negated, unless one is a poet, or a writer seeking an audience or a book deal.

Black Holes

A black hole is a region of space/time exhibiting such strong gravitational effects that nothing—including particles and electromagnetic radiation such as light—can escape from inside it. The theory of general relativity predicts that a sufficiently compact mass can deform space/time to form a black hole. The boundary of the region from which no escape is possible is called the event

Within the human psyche, also resides “black holes”.

Within our minds, we have “consciousness generators”, which simply stated, are aspects of ourselves that generate internal feedback, develop and support our own internal self-concept, and support our verbal expression as well. We attempt to match the “outer reality” by forming internal verbal and emotional linkages within ourselves, and this helps us to stay “relevant” and abiding within some measure of resonance with the perceived “external universe”.

This “light” that we internally emit, and eventually share with our worlds either through action or verbal expression, is influenced dramatically by our own secret, internal agendas, whether we are conscious of those agendas, or not. While these agendas remain “unconscious”, they become the equivalent to our own internal “black holes”. All streams of consciousness that our minds and hearts attempt to “emit” become trapped in the swirling vortices of these powerful forces, and these internal “black holes” continue to influence virtually every aspect of our lives. And, if not dealt with consciously and carefully, these black holes will eventually draw all of our internal light into them, and we become unwitting agents of our own internal darkness.

To repress or deny these internal forces is to continue to feed them. As we get in touch with our fears, angers, hatreds, or whatever name for manifesting “darkness” that we might give to them, it is important to realize that these are great forces, and once they are harnessed, NOT REPRESSED OR DENIED, these “black holes” will continue to keep us connected to the real world, and as we transmute their energy, the light within us uses these once “dark energies” for the good of ourselves, and for all mankind.

I have identified two major black holes within my own internal universe, which have created powerful forces of control, which must be dealt with directly and honestly, lest one’s entire life becomes a manifestation of “black hole events”. For me, I have named the BIG TWO. Number One, is the black hole that my voice will never be heard. Number Two, is the black hole of death. Insight finally reveals that these two are actually related, and are a direct result of failure to be fully integrated with the Divine.

These two vortexes drew all of my internal light towards themselves, and by the time that those internal “singularity points” worked their dark magic to their fullness, I actually flirted with the end of my own life. Such is the way these “black hole events” can influence and control our lives, making peace of mind and positive, loving connections with others virtually impossible.

On the left, an optical image from the Digitized Sky Survey shows Cygnus X-1, outlined in a red box. Cygnus X-1 is located near large active regions of star formation in the Milky Way, as seen in this image that spans some 700 light years across.

These “black holes” may remain, even after making profound spiritual and emotional changes. Their dark influence, however, continues to recede, once there is a committed intention to stay connected with the Divine, where all true light comes from. As I strive to stay balanced internally, so shall my walk through the rest of my life remain balanced, as well. Insight keeps these forces balanced internally, so that the “spirit of wholeness” within us can utilize our energy in more “sane” and mutually beneficial ways.

And, for more than one of us, these “black holes” are eventually transformed into “white holes”, where no darkness can escape, and all of our experience becomes “enlightened”. We can’t short-circuit this process, by just substituting the pleasant-sounding “spiritual froth ” produced by other great spiritual thinkers, and trying to layer those messages over our unexamined inner universe. Well meaning advocates of this process become unwitting contributors to the repression, and oppression, of the Human Spirit. It is only after we do the real inner work, that these teachers can assume their rightful position in our consciousness, as fellow travelers on the path to Truth, which has no final destination. Our most profound words and thoughts only present the illusion of a “final resting place”, when, in fact, truth is eternally unfolding into each moment as a brand new, unique manifestation.

I have my moments with the “white holes”, and I continue to strive for experiencing this phenomenon with both increased frequency and intensity. A path of insight and meditation is quite helpful, and association with others who share in this new reality has been shown to produce almost miraculous results. If this experience is to become our real new reality, then there is work to do! Please, let us not rest on another person’s “spiritual laurels”, for by this culturally and religiously ingrained process we will be delayed in finding our True Passion.

In the timeless words of Bob Marley, come the words of a real spiritual warrior:

Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiPwCMlghhQ

And in the words of another great spiritual warrior:

“I come not to bring peace, but a sword!”,

Jesus of Nazareth

as he, too, tried to break down the patterns of social, economic, and religious injustice of the day.

I have two good friends who suggested to me that anger IS hate, and should be eschewed at all costs. That statement to me, If I now said it, would be identified by my Spirit as showing lack of discernment. A lifetime of oppression, of not being heard, having cries of pain and suffering ignored because of some sort of prevailing philosophy, thus ignoring major energy centers of who I AM, creates energy field corruption and damage. How can a young woman, or man, not respond with anger and fear while being sexually abused by yet another Toxic Man, and his own distorted theories of how life should be? Extrapolate that to our entire country, where millions of our fellow Americans, or, more accurately, our fellow human beings, be they African-American, Hispanic, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, or whatever label we want to foist on another child of God, continue to be persecuted and oppressed by the dark philosophies spawned by other Patriarchal ideologues.

John Lennon–How

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1QE2Hl7ljA

For me, I layered myself with all manners of philosophies that suggested that I should ignore my personal human emotions, and all of the so-called dark energies that plague us, through the labeling, judging, and condemnation of all of these energies. Maya, or illusions, or cultural hypnosis, are terms coined by the “aware” that help us to understand that what appears to be in the “real world” may not actually be there, and to be aware of the potential of our minds to project out of our own unenlightened ignorance our misunderstanding of life, and our actual relationship to it.

The key is to place these so-called dark energies in the service of understanding and love. Enlightened anger IS wisdom, and if we deny our anger about the oppression we have experienced, or that which is persecuting the innocents of the world, our access to vast sacred energy centers will continue to be blocked away from us, by those who inadvertently become part of the control mechanism that we are attempting to become liberated from.

Somebody has to act as a bridge between highbrow spiritual theories and/or realizations, and the damaged, hurt, misunderstood, persecuted, abused, sick and ill, and I AM THAT, along with countless millions of awakening abused people around the world. This is how my awakening world now spins, around the reunification of all rejected energies of our Holy Spirit (the spirit of wholeness that still resides within all of us, even in the “least of these” people, who may still reside in their own personal hell).

There are those purporting to be “spiritual teachers” and advisors, who are admonishing their followers to abhor using human emotions with their dealings with the public. Specifically, I am frequently hearing that a “requirement for maintaining spiritual integrity” is to NOT EXPRESS ANGER, in any form, and instead to substitute “loving thoughts” and “forgiving actions”.

Really?

First things first!

Anger is a natural, normal response, in any particular new moment, to any assault on our being, on those that we love, or on our inner sensibilities. Anger, among all other emotions, and in balance with those aspects of our self, help us to manage our response to the outer world, which is, at times, quite the aggressive, distressed, ugly, oppressive environment. Anger is not positive or negative energy, it is HUMAN ENERGY ITSELF, and like all aspects of our humanity, it needs to be understood in the context from which it arises, and when and how it expresses itself.

Anger can bring fear to the unaware among us, because of an incomplete or unhealed response to its expression in their past. We have all been persecuted, at one time or another (or many times), by the angry parent, boss, co-worker, or stranger driving next to us in a car. Or, how about the rapist, or child molester, who tries to attack us, or our children?

According to classic psychology, humans engage in “fight or flight” behavior, when they experience fear and/or perceive that they are being attacked. Whether we choose one or the other depends on any number of circumstances, and ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL. When we are backed into a corner, and there is no way out, where is our energy to come from, when the attacker makes his final lunge at us?

We all feel a need to “be in control”, and to conform to social norms, especially those “norms” expressed in the common knowledge game that dominates the unaware human consciousness. Philosophies and theologies that stress the need to repress aspects of our human nature need to be examined in their fullness, and not accepted at face value. By their very nature, any umbrella philosophy and theology devalues the “intelligence of the moment”, and intentionally and/or unwittingly contribute to the suppression, and repression, of sacred human values and emotions. This unrepressed and unoppressed human energy, when balanced, keeps us as complete beings, capable of accessing and expressing the wholeness of our being, with emotionally intelligent actions appropriate to the activity of the moment.

There is a Wisdom deep inside us all, waiting to inform all of our thoughts and actions in this world. And, this world requires Ultimate intelligence to navigate through it successfully, without bringing harm to ourselves and others needlessly. Anger and fear are not to be repressed by any healthy human being, but instead are to be witnessed, and studied, and utilized intelligently for wise action in this troubled world.

Stand up, stand up, stand up for your rights!

But, make sure that the anger is appropriate to the moment, and not some formulaic response that the “non-healed, unbalanced” nature within your own self offers up under many questionable circumstances. An “institutionalized expression of anger” becomes hatred in disguise, and that characterizes the oppressive nature of far too many male originated, and dominated, philosophies. When anger becomes an automatic response to all situations where threat is perceived, then the intelligence of the moment is denied, and we are susceptible to bringing needless harm to our bodies, and to our minds, as well as to the “other”.

To respond successfully in anger, we need to measure how mindfully we can engage these threats, and successfully group our own thoughts and actions, with others also engaged in the situation, to either fight the oppressors, or to speak our truth, and be heard. We do not engage in mass protests because we want to go for a walk with a bunch of strangers, we engage in protests because we want our voices heard. Channeled anger is an effective, time-tested method for standing up to those who would keep us silent in the face of their own misdeeds.

One only needs to review history to see how well the silent sheep held back the Nazi oppressors. If you want to conform to the “spiritual philosophies” of those who did grow up in our country, and did not share in our American Experience, good luck to you.  I choose to wisely tend to my own “flock” of thoughts and feelings, and not to become just another follower in someone’s “herd”. I am now a shepherd of my own thoughts and feelings, and not just someone’s lamb.

Anecdotally, we hear of those rare few who have successfully mitigated dark, evil circumstances, through some fortunate “intervention” through prayer, or luck, where those who are attacking us somehow are diverted, and move their aggression elsewhere. Stories of Gandhi’s non-violent protest against British occupancy of India’s lands gets a lot of play in so-called “spiritually aware circles”.  Remember, though, the many years of British occupation prior to that stand, and Britain’s diminishing will to keep their empire extended throughout the world. We only need watch the news, or read the paper, to see that these anecdotal stories do not embrace the reality underlying most of the final acts, and resulting actions, of the aggressive ones. Murder, rape, child molesting, intimidation, oppression, misogyny, road rage, terrorism, paternal violence in ALL OF ITS FORMS, keeps manifesting itself, and has throughout all of history.  Those who are inspired to make peaceful approaches to these problems must continue, yet, so do those who aggressively confront the forces of oppression and darkness.  WE NEED BOTH ENERGIES FOR CHANGE.

By the way, have you ever noticed how so many of the so-called spiritual savants, or gurus from foreign lands, do not have families? What is the real teaching here, do you think? It is so much easier to talk love and light for all beings, especially when one does not have to deal directly with the most challenging of human relationships. From the middle of 1987 to early 1988, I spent over 6 hours a day in meditation and prayer, and I had very few problems with my relationships with people. I lived in perfect peace and harmony within myself. Also, I had no children, or nobody to call me on my isolation and (potential) loneliness. All in all, it was beautiful for me, yet totally disengaged from the challenges of integration into society, and family and friendship development. I value my time in the “real world”, where the beauty, and the pain, of human existence is my greatest teacher. Mysticism has a place in our world, yet I struggle to find how to best stay in alignment with its ecstasy, and enlightenment, while maintaining a “normal human experience”. Perhaps I will drink again from its deep waters, when I have finally wearied of this world.

If our minds are fed anything other than facts, ESPECIALLY WITHIN ESTABLISHED COMMUNITIES OF HUMAN BEINGS, we are involved in a process known as maya, or illusion creating, and our world(s) tend to end up in chaos. The result is individual, and cultural, hypnosis and schizophrenia, where we can end up losing personal power, and we can be too easily bullied by the wayward opinions and false insights of others. Too often those who claim to have real knowledge are as lost as everybody else, even though they may be claiming righteousness, religious or otherwise. When we try to fit into a situation or setting where our heart tells us we don’t belong, honor those feelings, and investigate where they are coming from. If we feel that we are already “swimming in the divine ocean”, then we can watch, and wait, and see who is swimming with us, and join with them as indicated (or reach out and help lift another up, as they request help). While in the marketplace of human thought and reason, LET THE BUYER BEWARE!

It has taken me many years to speak my truth to our cultural, political, and theological power and knowledge brokers. My enhanced attention to my inner needs and the greater good of all finally took precedence over my own feelings of inadequacy in confronting this collective American life experience about it’s alienating, crazy making communications and relationships, and its collective consciousness, and collective unconsciousness. Our cultural spiritual dementia needed to be challenged, lest we all lapse into deeper degrees of anxiousness, powerlessness, and unreality. Confronting a difficult reality takes more energy than most of us care to bring to the table, yet, not doing so diminishes our own standing in Truth, Life, and Love

I had very poor training since birth in how to successfully navigate group energy, up to, and including, the whole of society that we all participate in. As a boy, when family discussions turned into arguments, many times I found myself either raising my voice against the angry voice of my father, or retreating into submission and fear at the threat of being attacked for being contrary to the flow. And, I internalized that I was probably wrong anyway, and would be punished if I stepped out and asserted myself too much. I learned that I could undertake less obvious means of rebelling against authority, sometimes through indirect, or obvious, self, or other, destructive behavior.

Passive/aggressive tendencies have haunted me most of my entire life, and becoming “self-aware” has gone a long way to keep me from employing those unskilled coping mechanisms unconsciously, though I am still occasionally haunted by their presence. Having undertaken the inner work of insight, and maintaining mindfulness, and identified those sources of suffering within myself, does not instantaneously remove all of the darkness within. But is also does not remove from me the responsibility to call out those who are the external agents of oppression and repression, no matter how much I might love them or want to protect them, or even to protect myself from the ramifications of asserting what is right, true, or proper in any situation.

Alcoholism, depression, mental illness, murder, suicide, participating in the continued destruction of our sacred Mother Earth, and other manifestations of dis-empowered male energy can be the results of loss of integrity, and stifling ones feelings and voice. And, this is NOT yet another spiritual theory, this is the ACTUALITY of American male life, and of my life. Sitting in meditation, and or quoting other “spiritually enlightened individuals” may have brought me a temporary measure of peace, but this whole process became yet another “opiate”, and it never brought the change required by my spirit for its own emergence into its own unique wholeness.  Thoughts and prayers are great preparation for action, but, without action, thoughts and prayers are only mental masturbation.

Ignorance, and its most deadly spawn Evil continues to exist, in spite of Love’s presence, and I will not allow the “wise ones” and their dismissive theories on evil to discourage me from confronting that force, both within myself and within my American culture. It takes a force of will, or an energy FAR transcending those that the absolutist philosophies of unconditional love promote, to address this darkness. Jesus facing the devil in the desert has no value to me, if I do not also face my own “devil”, and our collective “devils”.  If I lived in a spiritual “ivory tower”, where I never witness man’s inhumanity to man, then these philosophies might serve my needs. Why would any sane man create more Fake News, deny what they see, and gloss it over with Universal Love, whatever that means? I no longer need permission from “higher powers” to deal with all of our difficult emotions directly and honestly.

It is fascinating to watch what happens in group processes, where the “active issues of the moment” are finally met by the active participants within a closed group. M. Scott Peck had a great understanding of the stages of spiritual growth, as well as how communities respond to challenges within themselves. He coined a term “the dark prophet” for those who take an antagonistic position in regards to a prevailing attitude, concept, or accepted norm established by the community. When those other members within the community are confronted by the perceived “attack”, they immediately go into a defensive posture, and begin the process of self, and other, protection, and scapegoat or marginalize the “dark prophet” who has spoken out against the accepted norms. Unfortunately, in our spiritual and emotional therapy groups, or in the political process itself, the person who speaks out against the so-called prevailing norms is over-analyzed by, or redirected by, those who cannot or will not share in the observation, or insight offered. Eventually, truth will dawn on the rest of the community, but not before an innocent is punished for offering up a contrary truth.

It is not a fun position to be in, to be the “dark prophet”. It is the position of greatest spiritual growth, and evolution, and only for those who have made a decision to separate from the “common knowledge game” of human (mis)understanding. My old tendencies would be to try to hide under the nearest table (figuratively, and literally) to avoid confrontation. Or, I would rather defend the person who is being challenged, rather than consider both or several points of view simultaneously, and doing the real work of healing of conflicting and diverging energies, and the resultant synthesizing of a new group outlook.  But, we are dying, and our world is dying, and it is time to speak out about the underlying issues with our culture, and the male consciousness that supports it.  The destruction of our planet, and the monetization and dehumanization of our people, especially including the feminine aspect of all humanity, where our feeling nature and divinity lives,  will continue unabated until a critical mass of awakening humanity rises up and asserts itself in the face of these assaults against life and human decency.

Without the integration of the divine feminine with our unhealed male consciousness, any hope for a bright future cannot be maintained.  I cannot and I will not be led unconsciously to my own spiritual slaughter, and to the slaughter of my Values, Morality, and Ethics that World Patriarchy continues to threaten us all with on a daily basis. The Demon must be recognized, and challenged by all, or prepare for the darkened ending to all that is important to us as an American culture, and as a world civilization

But, we must strive to keep an equilibrium, between our need to confront the forces of oppression, repression, darkness, and mutual imprisonment, and our need to listen carefully to the needs of those promoting values antithetical to the very spiritual values that we are affirming and practicing in our own lives.  A continuing part of our education, and evolution, is dependent upon our willingness not to reject the human being still covered in a darkened shroud, but instead to reject the ideas that the ignorant person is still clinging to.  Therein lies the great challenge in communication with spiritual integrity, separating the person from the offending agenda or philosophy.

Those stuck deepest in their own illusions are those most prone to stubbornness in holding onto the ways perceived as threatening to ourselves.  The ideas that “God said it, I believe it, and that is all that there is to it!”, and “My country, and its leaders, RIGHT OR WRONG!”, are sure to stimulate a positive response within those who have been raised to, or like to follow authoritarian principles, but for all awakening souls, there may  not be a supportive or friendly response.  It is best to first pause, before reacting to any offending statement, and wait for a response from the deeper reaches of our heart.  Keeping the doors open to dialogue and mutual respect are of primary importance, and not attempting to convert another to our own beliefs, no matter how “wrong” they appear to be, and how “right” we might feel in our minds and hearts.

In our attempt to be “heard”, we instead try to program people, unconsciously, to behave and react more in accordance with our expectations. When they don’t (they rarely do, unless they are our impressionable young children), we are very disappointed, and feel rejected, and, in the absolute, we feel betrayed by the sum total of exchanges between the parties.

We just can’t quiet our minds long enough to listen with our hearts to what is being said, and respond accordingly with our heart. We are much too eager to respond with ego programmed responses, which, typically, are based on incomplete perceptions or someone else’s ‘knowledge’, and it remains our attempt to control each others’ experience through linking our own unhealed energy with their own.

We, as the human race, keep layering ourselves and our ideas upon what somebody else is saying, rather than meeting the being where they are, and responding according to the dictates of our “heart center”, which in most people, ESPECIALLY MEN, has been scabbed over by our own early emotional and spiritual wounds. Men typically inflict their own wounded natures on everybody else, in subtle, or not so subtle ways. Usually, this manifests in dominating, or being dominated, by others. Philosophies of oppression, and of the monetization of reality, arise out of this wounding. Women are usually victimized as well as all people with sensitive natures.

When our personalities have been formed by the layering of our egos upon the “unnamed, unrecognized dark energy”, we end up with an energy exchange dynamic where we “project” our dysfunction onto others, and make them wrong for it, not recognizing that we were the source of our misplaced judgement.

There is a new possibility for bringing change to our world, including all of those people who blindly follow the paths of their past, and their collective and individual dysfunction.  It takes much patience and perseverance, and in our new world order of instantaneous image and information exchange through our social media platforms, it can be frustrating to remain engaged with the so-called “other side of the argument” people.  What I have noted from my own relationships with those that I love, and who are not yet in that more perfect place that I aspire to be with them in, if I keep an image of how things can change and heal between two or more parties, many times that energy eventually helps to inform all parties, and we all tend to change together, for the greater good of all.

I do not want a life that has been lived in vain. I see a world where the majority of us still suffer from the same, basic issues that I have tried to describe here. Even among some people closest to me, denial reigns supreme, and though I have only a small measure of hope that the “personal truth” that I am trying to convey here will actually be heard, and applied by others that I care about (which now includes the entirety of our planet Earth), I have enough hope to spend many hundreds of hours writing this material down.

“There is something fundamental here.”

As a baby, my parents placed a blanket around my baby body, and deposited me in a car in their garage so that my father could get at least 5 hours of sleep a night. My father was “chasing the American Dream”, and worked two jobs at the time.

I don’t need to remind any of my loved ones of the profoundly damaging effects of denying love and interactive time to a developing human being. What I might need to remind myself at times is that others, no matter what their age, or how much that I think that I know them, deserve my undivided attention, as they attempt to reveal who they are in this moment.

It is funny, sometimes when I share some of my creative work, I still get the very strong impression that some “important” people in my life just don’t have the time to listen.

Another clue about our own, or the others’ listening intention, is when we try to share a “profound life event”, and are immediately “run over” by another with more knowledge of the subject. Sometimes we, or the other, either have “too much book knowledge”, we have the “certificate”, we already have read about it on the internet, we have memorized something from a class that we already took, or we have a friend who has already “been there, done that!”

Trust me on this one. If I do not want to grow anymore, I will stop listening to what others are really trying to say. If i don’t want to be of service to my fellow-man/woman, I can just stop listening to what they are trying to express, and just “layer my own ignorance” and judgement, over somebody else, and not let them reveal to me who they Really Are in this special moment.

Our President, and many of our politicians, are masters at this. Please don’t inflict this same treatment on the ones you love. It is like putting a blanket around our heart and soul, and putting us into the car, so that those with a dehumanizing or monetizing philosophy can continue to oppress others, while keeping themselves spiritually asleep.

We all deserve to be listened to. I don’t need to remind any of my loved ones of the potential of the damaging impacts to our relationships with others, by merely not taking the time to listen with our hearts, to the other’s deepest meaning. Most of my closest connections already practice this, and do not intentionally ignore the needs of others.

We are all developing human beings, no matter what our age. And, we are all God’s children, and God speaks through us, whether we can hear the “truth”, or not. Sometimes the “truth” is so difficult to hear, that we shut down emotionally, and we either ignore what is said, or substitute our own story for what the “other” is trying to communicate.

The Windshield Wiper

I get questioned from time to time about why I need to write about doing personal inventory about the impact of Toxic masculinity upon my life, and upon the human race in general. Some perceive that I must have anger or hatred motivating me for “attacking” our masculine heritage and background.  Those questions have led to the following story appearing here:

A man got into his car, and put Roberta Flack’s version of Jimmy Cliff’s song “I can see clearly now the rain is gone” onto his car audio player. He started the car, and began driving down the road during a driving rainstorm. Not more than one block down the road, he slammed head-on into another car, critically injuring himself and the other driver, who happened to be a female.  The policeman who showed up on the scene investigated the accident, and noted that the male driver had failed to turn his windshield wipers on. He visited him in the hospital to interview him, so that he could finish his report.  When the driver who failed to turn on his windshield wipers awoke from his coma, the officer asked him why he didn’t turn on his windshield wipers.

“Officer, I did everything right. I was playing the right music in the background, and I trusted that I was seeing all that I needed to see”.

The officer immediately cited him for reckless endangerment and reckless driving.

There is your answer.

Our unconscious behavior causes damage every moment of every day. Turn on those damned windshield wipers, fellows, and leave them on! If we are still a man, and a human being, it is always raining somewhere inside of our minds, or even in our heart. If someone writes us a citation for our behavior, we need to learn from it, rather than resisting it.

Why would anybody think that they can just apply another coat of spiritual paint to cover over a house experiencing rot and decay, and expect that new paint job to have any lasting, positive effect? New thoughts layering over, or covering our non-examined embedded belief structures are just like slapping another coat of paint over the decaying house. In the program of AA, we call that our “look good”, which means that we keep our exterior looking just fine, thank you very much, all the while our interior remains corrupted, unexplored and unhealed. A favored expression is “we are only as sick as our secrets”, but our secrets do keep all of us sick, whether we want to deal with them, or not. The examined life demands that we take inventory on our self, and make every effort to understand the motivations behind all of our thoughts and actions in this world. The deeper we dig, the more that we learn that we are connected at a much deeper, more profound level with the rest of humanity than we ever dreamed possible. It is then that the healing we undertake as an individual can have a “ripple effect” upon the rest of humanity, because we all influence the collective, as well as individual, consciousness that we experience as human beings.

Yet, there is hope. I found balance and healing in my own life, without using outdated religious fundamentalist modes of thought, which continue to pollute the minds and hearts of millions of Americans. The 700 Club on TV should be called the 666 Club, and Pat Robertson, and all of the other unconscious supporters of this nonsense, need to make way for the New Truth dawning in the minds and hearts of our Awakening America.

The Evangelicals who continue to obstinately support Trump have revealed their true colors to all thinking and feeling Americans, and I remain appalled by their collective ignorance, hatred, and collusion with anti-Christ principles. Many are now promoting “loyalty pledges” to their anti-Christ master, and who knows what the dangerous endpoint will be for this nonsense? I fear that the formation of the pseudo-Christian equivalent of “the Taliban” is happening right before our eyes.

As a description, and a lesson plan, for the real true religious practice, AS I SEE IT, I only need to quote from the Old Testament, from our Christian bible (or it could be from the Torah). “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters.” – Genesis 1:1-2 NASB

It was the picture of disorganization and uncertainty, for the world had no order. Everything was “formless and void.” The Hebrew words here suggest that there was confusion, emptiness, and waste. And it was filled with darkness.

But ‘God’ changed everything. ‘His’ action began as “His” Spirit was “moving.” The Hebrew word here is found only two other times in the Bible. The picture is of observing or watching carefully and deliberately. The Spirit of God was brooding…studying…examining…lingering. And only after this hovering did God take action and start bringing order.

Then God declared, “Let there be light.” This light illumined everything about the world, and He was pleased with the impact. He “saw that the light was good; and God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light day, and the darkness He called night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day.”

Day after day, God continued to bring order out of chaos. And as He looked at His creation, He declared that it was “very good.” It was only AFTER he declared that it was “very good” that he could find rest.

So, here I am indicating the direct connection between the story of Genesis, and the development of spiritual discernment that must be developed within myself to enable me to ever find the “rest” that being in the presence of my God brings to me. In fact, GOD IS THE VERY ORGANIZING PRINCIPLE OF OUR CONSCIOUSNESS. WE ARE PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR INCORPORATING LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING INTO OUR WORLD VIEWS, AND THIS LITERALLY BECOMES OUR “LORD”. The ignorant of the Christian world would take this story literally, and miss out on the fact that this is the very process or procedure that we all must take with our lives. We must bring order out of the chaos that we created through ignorance in our minds. We must separate the light from the dark, and we can only rest when we have become one with the goodness at the center of our being. We must become mindful, or, in the words of Alcoholics Anonymous, continue to take personal inventory, and when we miss the mark, promptly admit it and change course, rather than waste time defending our illusions.  Those who habitually defend personal, cultural, or religious illusions are the very ones who create chaos, misunderstanding, and conflict.

God’s actions in creation help us understand how we actually approach our lives, and the ways this awareness can help us today. For ‘God’ still brings clarity to confusion. ‘God’ replaces disorganization with organization. Uncertainty is replaced by certainty. Chaos is replaced by order. Those who are aimless are given new plans. Emptiness is replaced by meaning and purpose. And any sense of darkness is replaced by a new light, or understanding. This is a process that is now known as MINDFULNESS, but it has been known to “godly people” for all of time. “God” does not judge us, we judge ourselves, and, thus, we can become more “godlike” in nature and manner, once our blocks to loves awakening and awareness are acknowledged within  There is no white bearded man in the sky, ruling from the golden throne, with angels circling his head.  But, there is wisdom within us, when it is cultivated, and our insight and true knowledge become “angels” to us, as they lift our spirits, and our understanding and connection with each other, the world, and all of the life upon it

A fixed truth about life is that if we can’t honestly look at where we are in life, we will never find the true motivation, or foundation for change in our life’s experience. The non-examined life always results in a damaged, dysfunctional life, and that characterizes both individuals, and the collective society that they participate in. The Christians tend to believe that they can be saved from their own darkness by claiming the work performed by somebody else (the blood of Jesus?). Well, for those who have really made “conscious contact with the God of our understanding”, the realization comes that OUR BLOOD IS MORE THAN ACCEPTABLE. In fact, the only sacrifice that ever needs to be made (and the only sacrifice acceptable to the Truth within us) is our erroneous understanding of who we are, and who or what our fellow-man is. Our own “crucifixion” continues until our own physical deaths, unless we release ourselves from all of the false illusions of self and other. Our misunderstanding of life, no matter how “Christian” we claim to be, creates infinite opportunities for chaos and disharmony with each other, and we feel betrayed by, and suffer endlessly from, all of the wounds incurred through fragmented belief systems.

We are typically healed though the power of awareness, awareness that operates through the present moment of experience. We need not claim a healing through the long dead consciousness of some purported master or saint to have a true healing experience There is always somebody trying to layer the Truth of Being with their own misinformation and broken philosophies, and this includes the Church, in whatever forms we address it. Truth and healing DO NOT REQUIRE AN INTERMEDIARY, IMAGINARY OR OTHERWISE. No teacher will affect our salvation, we must work it out for ourselves. The God of our misunderstanding only needs our humility, patience, and sincerity to approach it successfully. The medium for healing is our own consciousness and the consciousness of our spiritually aware “helpers”, and this is always happening NOW. To believe otherwise is the absolutely damaged understanding that has been foisted upon the unaware, philosophically and spiritually uninterested, socially conforming group of people claiming to follow Christ’s teachings for countless generations.

I will allude to my own personal experience here, to add to the mental picture that I am trying to re-create. Recently I was motivated to write a story about my unfolding as a human being, and my entry onto the “path of spirituality”. This inspiration resulted in the writing of a story that resulted in a more complete understanding of the blocks to “love’s awareness” that existed in my mind/heart during my childhood and early adult years. A cathartic event resulted, revealing a long ignored “voice” that I was called upon to finally listen to. I had to look at and listen to my history completely, as there were early periods in my life when there was nobody to listen to me when I needed it most, and thus some damaging marks were left on my soul, which were then healed through the powers of present moment awareness. Healing can be instantaneous, or it can be a lifelong process, but because refining the powers of awareness is a lifelong process, children would be well advised to begin early the study of themselves and their developing hearts and minds, and not some worn out lines of dogma that do not carry the spirit of Truth within them.

I attempted meditation upon my own source of pain and suffering, and what came to me was how most of what I know about myself, and my reactions to the world, was created by my fundamental relationship to my parents. I had never developed a complete sense of self in my early years (I will not call it Asperger’s Syndrome, or Autism, though it manifested similarly to ADHD) and my sense of self revolved around internalizing what my mother and father expected from me, what I could or could not give back to them to attempt to please them, and my defense mechanisms for managing the fallout when I failed to either please them, or protect them, or myself, from the results of the conflict that arose in our house when I either made yet another mistake, or when father overreacted to any situation that brought a sense of fear or threat into the home environment. There was also that aspect where I felt a need to “balance” whatever energy was being over-expressed at any particular moment, which certainly added to my “passive-aggressive component” of self-expression.  It was as if I had two extra self-organizing personalities occupying my ego mind, my creations of who I thought my father and mother were, which was crowding out the “real me”, whoever or whatever that might be (if anyone, maybe there was never a real “me” present, only some sort of complex verbal construct?).

With the death of my father, it ended the era of subservience to his needs, and the need to “protect” my mother from my perception of his aggression towards her.. It also ended the era of incomplete grieving for my own mother’s death, as I had to immediately support my mentally deteriorating father when mother died, and I never completely worked through my own grieving process. I was finally an “orphan”, and all of the entanglements that kept me wound around their lives were now physically removed. My fathers’ spirit no longer needed to overshadow my own life, and now I was allowed to live fully into whatever, or whoever I am, or was supposed to be.

For me this is an extraordinary release, because my “ego” formed differently that most of the rest of humanity due to unusual parental bonding issues just after birth, and through my first 4-5 years. Being placed on “formula” right after birth, and being placed in a chilly car in the garage at night so that my father could sleep better (I was just another “damn crying baby”) left me as a young being feeling abandoned, and lonely, from the beginning. Though I loved my parents, I certainly did not want to grow up and be like them. Yet, I was not able to offer to my developing self a viable alternative to being like my father, being extremely limited creatively, and my resultant dull, though at times insightful, personality reflected that darkness.

Up to this most recent point in my life, I have perceived the collective impact of toxic male consciousness upon my individual existence, with some insight into my own father’s sometimes toxic involvement in my own mind’s formation. I saw that I had two Tricksters roaming through the inner recesses of my heart and soul, and their continued presence, though they kept me from being lonely as a young being, kept me from developing into my greater good as an independent, free human being. In our world, there are countless examples of “self organizing systems”, and all creatures, and the minds of those creatures, are examples of that miracle in action. The bodies appear to be primarily organized through the pattern created by the history of that species, and it’s interactions with its earthly environment. DNA appears to carry that pattern within our very cells.

Yet the mind appears to have an extra self-organizing principle attached to it, as it organizes itself into a personal sense of being. That little mystery revolves around how well the organism feels accepted by, and connected to the environment that the body travels through. Thus, healthier senses of self arise, and are supported, by myriads of “successful” interactions with its social and physical environment. First and foremost is the beings’ acceptance and integration into the primary family cell, or group. If the young being does not get the requisite positive feedback early on, it faces tremendous odds against forming a happy, well-adjusted self organizing principle, or ego. My first 31 years of life reflected the internalized horror of a life suppressed by the “conspiracy of silence” created by my subservience to a damaged image of self, and other. My own true nature had been masked over, or silenced, through that process.

My resistance to life was substantial, creating friction each step of the way on my life’s journey, until I learned how to yield to my “higher nature”, through the examination of all of my “inner demons”, and the subsequent reorganization of my inner emotional and spiritual universe so that it could be more in resonance with love’s awareness and activity. For my “Christian friends”, the “blood of Jesus” did not help me heal myself, it is the power of my awareness, and my awareness alone, that brought me to my present moment of healing. I have bled more than enough to atone for my “sins”. My blood is worthy enough, if I respect my life experiences, and am willing to look at my shit, and be healed from it. I am compelled to remove the “log from our own eyes”, before criticizing the “splinter” stuck in the eye of another. Jesus does not do that for me, “Jesus” commands that I do that for myself. I no longer wonder why people claiming for themselves the “fruits of the spirit” , or ‘born again” mentalities continue to live a life almost devoid of that pure connection. THE TRUTH IS, If I don’t do the inner work, I don’t get the results. PERIOD.

Who, or what, am I now? I am a mystery, even to myself. I need not be anxious, though the transition times from what  I thought I was to who I am predestined to become does create intense anxiety. I am to be forever walking into the unknowable present moment. Living into the Truth of what that is now is the new story of my life. There is but One Mind, but it is only experienced in the Unknown.

“Higher Power”

“God” can a major impediment to people’s understanding and willingness to pursue a change in heart and/or recovery from addiction (it sure was for me, especially in the early 1980’s!). For some, God is simply a name for the human capacity to make positive changes in our own lives. It is not the God of religion that need be sought, it is the God of one’s personal understanding. Nobody in recovery needs the self-righteousness, judgement against those not yet “saved”, and the guilt and shaming of others that all too often gets promoted from within fundamentalist Churches. On the positive side of religious practice, Muslims, Sikhs, Christians, Buddhists, Hindus, Rastafarians, and Jews have all found a “higher power” to guide and direct their paths, as well as pagans, agnostics and atheists. Perhaps you can find a new path, where the promise of a healing change can happen in your own life?

For me, in sobriety, “God” could never be just a man, or a “he” or “him”, but instead “God” is our collective universal life force, and the innate human creative capacity for personal change, healing and evolution, and love of self and other while practicing compassion. God is a state of mind and body that One experiences, after the ego has been laid to rest.  God, the same yesterday, today, and forever, eternally Now, eternally Love, eternally unfolding in creative new ways of being and expressing itself. The Infinite Indivisible Invisible, defies all logic, and all human attempts to categorize and control (but oh, how religions, philosophers, and scientists, and the verbally expressive part of me in this post, love to keep trying, don’t we?). We will never find God through a Google search algorithm, or through mindlessly following other people’s opinions as to what the “truth” is. It is a uniquely personal journey, and no one can do this for us but ourselves.

God must be individually experienced, and then the fruits of the experience can be collectively shared with other interested parties (AA meetings, friendship circles, etc.), to create the strongest atmosphere for healing of self and others. Our own intention must start the process, though the healing intentions of others for us, and for themselves, can bring us together into a “healing formation”, where the miracle of the collective/shared mind of a love inspired mankind can really work its wonders. Here we may actually share in the real Master Mind that has attempted to guide the human race since the beginning, since well before our present day diseased world mind took over. The right group of people, sharing love and healing together, creates a palpable energy, and this can characterize some recovery groups, depending on the quality of recovery present, and being expressed, in those groups.

I have already over-shared on the subject of God, and such writing only adds to the confusion around the subject for those who have had only “educational, cultural, or social” experiences around the concept of God, and have had no inner, personal conscious experiences of the shared Truth and Ground of All Being (the “finger-pointing at the moon can never be the moon”). The God of my understanding actually defies (laughs, figuratively, at) all of my vain attempts at providing a rational, understandable explanation, therein lies the mystery and challenge of communication around our understanding of our “higher power”

The feeling of being isolated from others can be dissolved.  The compulsion to drink and use to hide from ourselves can be lifted. The desire to bring harm to ourselves and to others can be healed.  The feeling of inadequacy and incompleteness can be eradicated.   We can know love and forgiveness of ourselves, and others, like we thought would never be possible. We can become a light unto ourselves and others, and that light can sustain us for the rest of our days. We can be at peace, and understand, perhaps for the first time in our life, how to live life on life’s terms. We can finally find what we were looking for our entire life, so please do not give up before the real miracle of our life reveals itself. Finding God means finding our real healthier, saner self, the two just cannot be separated. Therein lies the challenge, and the growth opportunities, of living a spiritual life.

Those who find what they are looking for, find the secret of good mental health, sobriety, and the secret of a successfully lived life. Happiness, joy, and freedom become our life’s most enduring companions on the journey of sobriety. Difficulties, sorrows, heart breaks, deaths, depressions, anxieties, and even relapses may still arise, but we now have healthier tools for dealing with the adversity of life. We no longer hide from life, but instead remain engaged with it. We ride Life’s occasional Tsunami waves, rather than be drowned by them. We learn that it was not Life’s loads that broke us, but instead it was the unconscious and unskilled ways that we carried them. Now we have the developed spiritual skills to successfully manage Life’s unavoidable burdens, while creating the conditions for new opportunities in life and for prosperity in its many forms, including enhancing our relationships to each other!

I did not cause or create this disease known as the human condition, I cannot control this disease, and I cannot cure this disease. I have had many, many years of sobriety, but I have also had three major relapses over the past 34 years, as well. I can continue to treat myself consciously and with love for this disease, and show the benefits of recovery from this disease to those who still suffer, and have interest in their own recovery process. Relapse is part of recovery.  The point remains to lift ourselves up in recovery, even though we might have descended the ladder into the hell of addictions yet again. If we fall seven times, we lift ourselves up eight times.

If you still are emotionally disturbed, depressed, mentally ill, addicted to drugs, alcohol, or other self-destructive activities, you are not without choices. We all have the internal power to change, we only need to learn how to consciously access that power which is greater than our addictions and bad habits, and express its infinite healing potential. For me, the choice became between living a “divinely (love and healing) inspired life”, or leading a self-destructive life. For those that continue to drink alcohol and use drugs to your own detriment, and the detriment of others, what are your choices?

I continue to have contact with mentally disturbed individuals, practicing alcoholics and/or drug addicts, as well as the family and friend “enablers” that consciously or unconsciously continue to support them in their dysfunction. Enablers are not bad people, we just do not know what to say, or how to say it, to those who continue to abuse their chemical of choice. We might be hesitant to give feedback, for fear of being rejected and/or seen as being overly judgmental, or we may have become fatalistic in our appraisal of the situation, and given up hope. For some of us, we have remained silent in the face of direct threats against the continuing health and safety of our beloved family members or friends, and our own emotional well-being while attempting to remain an active part of the diseased family structure.

To those who continue to enable bad/self-destructive behavior of others, just remember that even though you did not cause the disease, you cannot control the disease, and you cannot cure the disease, by your remaining silent on the sidelines, you remain part of the denial system of the practicing addict/alcoholic, Toxic man, Toxic Christian, and/or Toxic capitalist. At some point, it WILL BECOME NECESSARY to confront the diseased human being, and speak your truth. Then you will need to set your boundaries, and hold fast to them. Becoming a “black belt Alanon” may be your only hope for maintaining safe boundaries, should the diseased family member or acquaintance hold too firmly to their point of view. This can include eschewing all conversations and/or physical connection with the offending family member unless they become willing to make necessary changes in course, and MAKING SURE THAT THEY  KNOW EXACTLY WHY YOU ARE KEEPING AWAY FROM THEM, or reducing your exposure to them.

Your own mental health and personal safety become most important, for without that, you remain a powerless part of the social and family problem of mental illness and addiction/alcoholism. There are many, many toxic human beings in our culture, the extremely ill people and addicts and alcoholics who have found the way to use their disease to control their family, their friends, their employers, and all of the people in their lives like they were marionettes on a string. We must not remain a functioning part of their diseased control dramas, lest we lose control over our own destiny, and sanity.

I remain well acquainted with anonymity, which is one of the supporting spiritual principles for AA. My headlights shine brightly for my own “vehicle of consciousness” on my own new path of consciousness, yet they provide little illumination for others on their own unique path. This is as it should be, as “no teacher can effect the salvation of others, as we each must work it out for ourselves”. Yet, we must be willing to share our experience, strength, and hope, so that others might benefit from our journey.

We are all as sick as the secrets that we keep from each other, and from ourselves.

Choose wisely, oh mankind, the secrets that we keep,

For by our choices, we all may awaken, or just stay asleep.

Stairway To Heaven, Led Zeppelin, 1971

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHdAl2HtAWA

Part 4). The Master

The Master, if, or when, it comes, will reveal itself in its own unique, inimitable fashion and form.  For some, it takes a lifetime of searching and seeking (some say many lifetimes, though who could know about such things?). Those who have resigned themselves to lives of superficial living, drinking alcohol excessively, using intoxicating drugs regularly, flitting from short-term relationship to short-term relationship for sexual purposes, or other forms of reckless behavior will not have the depth of desire to begin the search, though, ultimately, the pain that arises from these lifestyles may motivate the individual to finally begin the search, after the collapse of their life.

For some, it takes such a life, immersed in desperation and suffering, to develop the earnest desire to find the real way out of the multitudes of forms of human insanity.  In this case, the suffering person may truly be blessed beyond their own comprehension, not knowing how such pain actually guides the soul in a truer, more straightforward direction towards the goal.   There are also those who are happy with the church of their family, its social functions, and the doctrines and rituals of the organization, and they will not usually have the motivation to seek further, and dig deeper, into the essence of that what is real, true, and eternal.  But, from time to time there are those even within an organized religion who realize that they have deeper spiritual needs than even the church can satisfy, and thus begins another pilgrims’ search for the all abiding truth.  They develop true spiritual discernment, and even the worn out holy books of thousands of years ago take on a new life, and vitality, as they become able to see through the “trees” of words, to the true “forests” of spiritual wisdom and knowledge that the vast majority of their peers fail to perceive.

The search for the truth of life, the truth of being, will take the sincere seeker along narrower and narrower paths of discovery, and inquiry, as time goes on.  By necessity, there must be a certain amount of purification that must first occur within the mind of any seeker, because if the mind carries too much hubris, and is prone to excessive delusion, the contact with the Truth, if it occurs, will be the generating force for yet another layer of fantasy within the seekers’ mind (case in point-Joseph Smith, though there are many other famous masters of illusion who have wrought their religious and spiritual havoc upon human consciousness over the ages.).  If the seeker has truly become fed up with the fantasies of the human mind, and is willing to have them healed by a touch of the Spirit, then all such psychosis is much less likely to visit the mind, but there are no guarantees..  The closer that one gets to the truth, the easier it should become to discern the distortions of truth from those who have touched, and personally experienced, the essence of that which is sought. But, the best truth that exists is the actual truth that has unfolded within the secret, interior dimensions of ones being.   The educational experience, though it is seen as a necessary adjunct to the search (especially at the seeker’s initial stages of spiritual unfolding) must have its influence reduced, and ultimately eliminated, if one is to finally achieve unity with the goal.  There is a time and a place for teachers and teachings, but they must be transcended if one is to achieve the fullness of spiritual potential.

When contact is finally made, the seeker may not be able to contain, or embrace the totality of the essence of the teaching, or insight, given.  The message(s)/insight(s) will be shocking, and should rock the seeker to the core, as Truth is completely foreign to the human mind.  No amount of education or training can prepare the individual for what is to be experienced.  As is said, the “finger pointing at the moon can never be the moon”.   Most people confuse the description of the event with the actual inner experience of it, and thus  delude themselves into believing that they have already experienced the truth, when, in fact, all that they have experienced is strong emotions wrapped around some  personal or social experience.   When the truth hits the center of one’s being, it sets in motion a series of inner events that eventuates in the seeker having a totally different outlook on life, on the universe, and on their self.  But, because we are human, and still retain the power of free will and choice, the message may be rejected (at least temporarily), and we may try to cling to our old, worn out way of reasoning, feeling, and relating to our lives, to each other, and to Truth.  On the one hand, we may have said to our self, and, perhaps to others, that we are fed up with our lives, and with the way the world is experienced by us, and we will do anything to bring about a change in our life’s situation.  But, when the inner pathway to our transcendence is finally revealed, we balk at its implementation, finally comprehending how dramatically that we must change to be aligned with the path of Truth, and Righteousness.   We may not be really ready to “die to ourselves” and truly be “reborn” of the Spirit.  If we can humble ourselves enough, we can continue the journey.  But, those who recoil, as if burned by a hot flame, spend many more years, if not the rest of their lives, avoiding making the final adjustments to become aligned with their Life’s True Message.

When one finally accepts the path of Truth, and is willing to relinquish their hold upon the world of the ego, then they are in the neighborhood of the real One.  More than once, certain members of our human race have had “mountain top” experiences, where true insight has been gained into understanding life, love, and both the ephemeral, and eternal, natures or aspects of reality, or That One. That One becomes the source for all future understanding and engagement with the world.

That One sees beyond the limitations of the isolated, suffering self, and could see the unity of all creation, and how all systems of thought tend to separate us from each other, rather than unite.

That One saw how the limits of love shared was typically tribal in nature, and rarely extended beyond the imaginary boundaries of their perceived communities.

That One saw how organized religion had become a tool for the political powers of the day, and no longer existed to serve the needs of the spirit, but instead to follow the dictates of those male power figures who inaccurately, and sometimes falsely, interpret the scriptures to control people, and arrange selfish outcomes.

That One saw how the rich and powerful within the religion used its truth to dominate and control others.

That One saw these religious power figures actually monetize their brethren, to see how their “flock” could bring them wealth through their superstitious tithing, or offerings to their “God”.

That One saw that the poorest in spirit occupied the most fertile ground for healing, yet all too often were the most separated from any benefits of their religion.

That One saw how the religious powers of the day were corrupt, potentially beyond repair.

That One saw that all sense of religion needed to be “born again”.

That One came down from the mountain top to bring the good news to the people, that they did not need their religion anymore to keep them philosophically imprisoned.

That One then advised the world:

If their “religion” does not allow for them to love another as them-self, then discard those dark aspects of their religion, honor the underlying spirit of love, and affirm the dignity and value of the human being through the healed human heart (which is the source of all true religion).

That just might mean removing the log from our own eyes (even if the log is our very own religion), before attempting to remove the splinter from another (yes, this is the inventory step).

It means stop monetizing humanity for business purposes.

It also means separating the Church from the State.

It means taking personal inventory, and when wrong, promptly admit it.

It means lying, cheating, stealing, destroying, murder, greed, selfishness, destroying the animal and plant kingdom and the like are antithetical to the spirit of love which has created this universe, therefore they are unacceptable patterns of behavior only reserved for those who have chosen to stay asleep..

You know who That One is, because That One lives today, and it is not just the Jesus of two thousand years past. That One has existed since the beginnings of the illusion of self, and other, and the illusions created by competing philosophies. That One has the voice for God, for Truth, for Love, and Life, bubbling up inside of their hearts, just waiting to be listened to, and obeyed. And That One understands all to well the difficulties in bringing Truth and Love to the masses, because in the masses is where corruption of thought gets institutionalized and normalized, instead opting to bring it to humanity one person at a time.

Lessons learned

I just want to note some very important lessons that I have gleaned from my travel down my dotted lined path of life.

If I want to make dramatic changes in my life, the desire has to come from a place deep within myself.  I will not change because my wife and family, my friends, my minister at church, my employer, my political leaders, or my “people pleasing” attitudes cajole or advise me to change.  If I become conscious that my behavior is causing irreparable harm to myself, to other human beings, to our animal brothers and sisters, and/or to the sustainability for life on this planet, then I must understand that my behavior is insane, and unless I have a death wish for myself, or against others, I will seek for a higher power or energy to overcome my present insanity.  Insanity can be healed, if it is recognized that its source is habituated thoughts and feelings  Insight changes attitudes, insight changes behaviors, and insight changes lives.  To change my world, I first change myself, through insight, meditation, making amends to all people who I may have harmed through my insanity, and through carrying the message of recovery and healing to all who are interested in not only hearing my story, but bringing healing to their own lives, as well.

Always question prevailing attitudes and philosophies of the people in power, be they politicians, employers,  or religious figures.  Healthy skepticism is warranted whenever a person or organization tries to exert pressure on individuals to conform to certain beliefs or traditions.  Never sit idly by while witnessing injustice or unfair and hurtful judgement meted out by the people in power against innocent people.  By your silence, you are supporting the ignorant and the evil doers.  They will use your silence to claim that you were in full support of their abhorrent behavior.

Never let someone speak for us, we are responsible for bringing our voice into the world, and having it heard. Never take for granted our right to freedom of speech and its expression, both at home and in the marketplace.  Find the way to express yourself without sacrificing your integrity, and stand up tall and strong in the face of any ignorant,  unfair or unwarranted criticism.  You will “cast your pearls before swine”.  Our hard-earned deepest truths have little value to those who are considered hypnotized, which are many of the “civilized” and “normalized” citizens within this diseased culture of ours.  If they cannot see how your wisdom will increase the size of their bank accounts, increase their prestige and popularity, get them more or better sex, or just generally appeal to their ego, it will have little value, except “laughing value”.  “A prophet is never respected in their own hometown”.

Healthy anger at people, situations, politicians, religious figures, and abusive family members is not only acceptable behavior, it is required for honoring the truth of the moment, and to retain spiritual integrity.  Do not follow those well-meaning souls who claim that all anger is hatred, for that is simply not true.  Anger becomes dangerous when it does not naturally arise from the moment, but instead from animal/tribal instinct, memory and religious and cultural conditioning.  Oppression and repression are birthed through incomplete and prematurely aborted responses to environmental threats.  Institutionalized anger, or hatred,  arises from memory, inadequate education, and emotional immaturity, and can be stoked by politicians and religious leaders with ignorant and evil agendas, and it is dangerous, being the source or racism, war, hatred, alienation, and cultural insanity.

It is revealing to note how the experience of “enlightenment” allows for the love for all people, and respect for all philosophies, yet promotes no religion or philosophy, as such, for its own support.  The prerequisites are a desire for change, self-honesty, insight, mindfulness, meditation, and the developed ability to see beyond the controlling mirages of cultural and religious conditioning.  Yet, religions, and their followers, tend to strongly move in tight circles around their own adherents and practices, and often exclude others from their spiritual “inner circles”.  And those who point to the benefits of non-religious,  spiritual enlightenment are regarded suspiciously, and, in some cases, as manifestations of Satan, or Infidels, by those who claim to be “religious”.

It is healthy to acknowledge that we all need each other.  I can’t do this life alone, nor would I ever want that for myself.  We are here to help each other, and to love each other. Each moment can either be a new beginning, or just the continuation of a painful past where all of human suffering arises from.  It is our choice as to how we will experience this moment.  I must be willing to travel new paths of consciousness, and never to become too attached to any particular memory, or teacher and their teachings, as it is up to me to work out my own “salvation”.  When I let go of the controls, including my own internalized forms of institutionalized thoughts, when I let go of time based thoughts and expectations, when I respect the truth that many times the presence and wisdom of the Great Unknown, rather than just more information and knowledge, is what I am best fed with, that is when I am truly trusting the life force which has always supported me, whether I have recognized its presence or not.

While incarnated into human form, with our  poorly illuminated human minds, we can only witness the projections of our minds.  All that we will ever see, unto whatever eternity that we can possibly conceive of, is our self, so the most important question for each day is “how will I see myself today?”  The answer to that question determines whether I can see through the eyes of the truth of this moment, or just the limited eyes of the past.  Each person that I meet either is one of the infinite manifestations of God, deserving ultimate respect and love, or they become just another dead illusion of my aging, conditioned mind.  The insight gained through mindful self-examination can erase the blocks to Love’s awareness, and imbue life with a new meaning.

The ultimate truth is that “you can’t be real”.  For in God’s eyes, there is only one self, one love, one existence, with an infinitude of manifestations.  There is no room for “you and me” in ultimate truth, though we must continue to make room for that “illusion” in the relative truth of this world, through practicing forgiveness and letting go, until the final ascension into “enlightenment” or complete spiritual understanding.  Finding the true connecting link is the journey into wholeness that our human race must undertake, if it is to survive.  When we see our brother and sister as our own self, then we are home.  This connecting link is not to be found through our digital devices, or through our “best thinking” or philosophies.  It will unfold when we learn how to no longer think time based thoughts, but,  instead, eternity based thoughts.  That is the only place where Unity will ever be experienced.

To be in realization of Truth, is to find that God’s High Mount is just an illusion  to climb

Like a virus it infects and controls the ignorant, and all fearful, desirous  minds.

The non-illuminated, restless mind remains forever devoid of Love’s Rhyme and Truth’s Reason

And it only chases after mirages, until it looks within, and sees the movements that are guilty of treason.

Finally, mysticism is at the core of all religions.  Each of us is a mystic, should we shed the oppressive and repressive energies of familial, cultural and religious conditioning.  Each one of us should become the leader of our own internal movement towards truth, beauty, love, intelligence, awe, wonder, grace, and miracles.  What is the difference between the “mind of God” and the “mind of man”?  Ah, the answer is there, for you to discover for yourself.  You should never just accept my answers, without your own deepest inquiries into your own personal truth.

If it is a desire from the Heart, never stop seeking that which seems unattainable.

To see eternity, is to first witness the self without fear and judgement, and then see through the illusions of self to the Heart of Truth.

The following needs to be integrated with the previous paragraphs…

The gap between self and other is the source for all judgement, hatred, and illusion. That gap is the “YOU”, which is only a mental creation, and “YOU” can never be real, in any absolute sense. As I look out from the place where I stand in life, as far as I will ever see, until eternity, is my self.

How will I see my self today?  “I will find what I am looking for”.

Part Three

Grandfather, Great Spirit, Thank You!  A Parable of My Live

by Bruce Paullin

In March of 1987, I finally made the decision to live. My grandparents provided their loving presences, and home, for me for four days, while I detoxified from sixteen years of drug abuse and alcoholism. Over the course of my lifetime, they had already provided a constant, unwavering loving presence for me, even while I felt no love for myself, or my life. My grandfather eventually came to represent the very presence of God’s love for its children over the course of our shared life, and that love helped to prepare me for the engagement to the real purpose for my life. The following story is my message of gratitude and love, to give back to all who have helped me to “prune my thorns”. Thank you, Grandfather Great Spirit, for your presence continues to daily guide me into my own promised land, which I gladly share with all who are receptive. Though I was never meant to be your spokesman, my spirit demands that you be honored, in the only way that I know how.

Grandfather, Great Spirit, Thank you,

Long ago, there lived in a cottage far outside of the limits of the city, a gardener and his wife. They were both quite dedicated to their simple, quiet life of country living, being surrounded and embraced by all of its natural beauty. They developed quite a nursery, and they were able to provide a sustainable living for themselves through the sales of the plants, trees, and flowers that they raised. Eventually, they had one son together, whom they came to worship, from the moment of his birth. The family lived a normal, happy life, and learned how to love, enjoy, and respect each other at the highest, most loving levels through all of their years together. But, as their beloved son reached the age of maturity, he started to stray from the high standards set for him by his parents. After a series of unproductive discussions, and then an avalanche of angry arguments, their son left in a storm of bitter, angry words to lead his own life in the city, with the son vowing to never come back home, leaving his shocked, grieving parents alone.

The parents still had so much love to give to their world, and they contemplated how they might give that to others, now that they had the extra free time. The idea came to dedicate a major portion of their property to creating a garden space, and their time came to become devoted to the planting of their gardens, of which a portion they had committed to many types of flowers. The wife had always admired the beauty and complexity of the rose-bush, so they dedicated a major section to roses, as well. They knew that the roses required utmost care and attention, to be able to unfold into their greatest natural beauty, so for many years, they carefully monitored and managed their rose garden. Weeds were not allowed to grow up around their prized bushes, nor were the bushes themselves allowed to grow haphazardly, thus the rose bushes were trimmed back perfectly at the start of each new growing season, with them remaining fascinated by each gentle step of all of their rose bushes growth. Each little bud that appeared was nurtured and cared for, and those that did not manifest their true, beautiful nature were trimmed back, to make room for those who could. Of course, each bush had its thorns, which nature provided so as to protect the vulnerable buds, and flowers, from its natural enemies. The gardeners respected natural law, and also understood that wayward thorns would cause harm to themselves, or to their inattentive admirers, so all of the thorny branches were cut back, enough to preserve their natural beauty, while exposing all of their beautiful flowers for all to see and admire.

Over the years, their rose garden became quite renowned for its beauty and magnificence, and it came to be visited by people from all around the area. People loved to both admire each unique rose-bush from a distance, as well as to come close to each bush, and bath their senses with each budding flowers’ sweet fragrances and essences. The couple had become master gardeners, with their spirits merging with the offspring of their heavenly garden. They truly grew together, the gardeners and the rose bushes, and all who came to witness their creations admired, and honored as one, the creators and the creations. The couple’s secret was that they channeled the same love that they had reserved for their only son, to give back to their prized roses. They had long ago stopped asking why their only son did not respond the same way of the flowers, as the pain was just too great to bear, though they continued to follow his life from afar.

The years passed by, and the aging couple could no longer manage their large rose garden with the love, care, and attention of the past. They gradually focused on fewer, and fewer, rose bushes, as their mobility had become quite limited, and their energy quite low. Finally, they only had the energy left for one bush, to which they dedicated the last of their energy. The flow of admirers to their garden had long ago stopped, as word had spread of the deterioration of the garden. The couple had their memories, which still brought them great satisfaction, while caring completely for that last bush, which was closest one to the door to their cottage. All of the other bushes continued to grow unattended, becoming wild and unruly, and eventually overwhelmed the rest of the garden. In their heart of hearts, they remembered that this final rose-bush represented the love that they had for their son, whom long ago they had stopped hoping that would ever return to them. Reports of the success of their son still trickled in, carried in by their very occasional visitors, with a rumor being reported that they might even be grandparents, but who knows for sure? Every attempt to contact him had continued to be spurned.

One morning, the husband woke up, to hug and caress his wife, as he had every morning, for the last fifty years. Yet, this morning, there was no response from his wife. Death had finally found his wife, and he cried out in anguish, being absolutely devastated. He could feel his own life force slipping away, as well, and felt an urge to finish his own business, as his time was extremely limited. He grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote one final message, and placed it in his shirt pocket. He then grabbed a hidden shoe-box, in which he had stored all of their life savings, and then he limped out to the garden shed, and grabbed a shovel, and went to his rose garden one final time. Behind their last prized rose-bush, he carefully dug a grave for his beloved, with the prized rose-bush intended to become her headstone. He also dug a hole in front of the next rose-bush, which was currently in such a sad condition, yet, it might take on new significance in an unknown future, he thought, should his final prayer be answered. He placed the shoebox in the ground, and buried it, tamping the dirt down firmly so that it was not obvious that anything was buried there. Then he proceeded to bury his beloved wife, and when he placed the final scoop of dirt, he laid his weary, worn out body upon his wife’s burial mound, pressed his tear washed face to the loose dirt, and life then drifted away from his body into eternity, his body sharing his wife’s headstone for now.

A couple of days passed, and when the postman noticed the mail had not been picked up, he walked to the cottage door to inquire about their health. The door had not been locked, so when nobody answered, he looked inside and saw that it was empty inside. He then walked around the outside of the cottage, and came upon the couple’s resting place. He knew, in that moment, that he was now a witness to love’s most sacred and beautiful expression that he had ever seen. He became overcome with grief, initially, then he felt admiration and love for this beautiful couple, of which he only knew so superficially before, through the exchange of pleasantries at the mail box.

The postman called the appropriate authorities, and the gardener’s body was removed and taken to a local mortuary. The police contacted the son, who expressed no interest in claiming it. The manager of the mortuary knew that he would have to treat the body as “unclaimed”, which meant an anonymous burial. The manager was so moved by the face of the deceased man, who even in death, seemed to give off a special radiance, that he contacted the postman who had found the body, to see if he knew of any next of kin besides the son.

The postman was quite troubled by the call, and began to regret calling the authorities to the body, thinking that he should have just buried him instead. But, he knew that, in his position, he might be able to help. His manager helped him with sending a system wide communication to all local and regional postal carriers, requesting that if they delivered mail to anyone with the same last name as the deceased, to please let them know immediately. As luck would have it, he received two replies. There was a family that lived on the far side of town, as well as a PO box address had been recently rented in the main downtown office, with the same last name.

A phone call was placed to the home, but the woman who answered knew of nobody with the name of the deceased. She remembered her estranged husband telling her, long ago, of the death of his grandparents before his birth, so the man could not him. Well, there was one final hope, and that was with the recently opened PO box. The postman requested information from the post office box registration form about its purchaser. He noticed the registration showed a first name of Gary, with a middle name, Brian, which was the same first name of the deceased. Could this be a relative, or was this just a coincidence?

The postman fashioned a post card with information about the dilemma around claiming the body, and had it placed in the PO box of Gary. Unless Gary was a relative, Brian’s body would be cremated and stored in an urn, and he would be forgotten for all of time. It all felt so wrong to the postman, that this deceased man of such obviously good stature would be treated with such indifference by his world.

Gary finally began to awake, but the searing headache and accompanying nausea  that seemed to dominate  his morning wake up calls discouraged him from quickly arising from his cot in the shelter. “How on earth can I continue going on like this?”, thought Gary, as he tried to muster enough energy to dress himself, from the clothes that he had carelessly strewn about the floor next to his cot the night before.

He briefly thought of his estranged wife and son, and the horror of their final rejection of him that still stung deep to his core. He also briefly thought of his mother, whom he still loved, and deeply missed, and his father, whom he had alienated himself from many years before. His last communication with his father was so horrible and ugly, that he cringed whenever he thought of it, so he tried not to think of it now, even ten full years after leaving his parents in an explosion of mutual anger and animosity. What possible reason is there to go on, now that he had no family, employment, or friends, and he had no hope for the future?

His last employer had just fired him two months ago, for his performance and attendance had been lagging as of late, and now he had nothing to look forward to doing, except to stew in his own misery. He attempted to hide from that suffering through his favorite chemical cocktails, which had stopped providing relief long ago. But, habits that die-hard were making him die harder, and the pain had to stop, even if it meant stopping his own life.

He looked into his wallet, and saw that he had little money left to finance his daily binges. The shelters’ walls felt like they were closing in around him, ready to trap him in this prison for all of eternity. With panic descending upon him, he urgently thrust himself outside of the shelter door, in search of, who knows what? What is there to find, when a person has given up hope for his life, and for finding his life’s true purpose? Maybe, he thought, his purpose is to die, to somehow provide a dark lesson plan for others, perhaps even for his son, on which path that they dare not follow, lest they lose their own sanity, and life, as well.

“Well, I must find some more money, either through begging, borrowing, or stealing”, he thought to himself, as this looked like the only option now, as his income sources had dried up.

He then remembered that his past employer was to send to him a final severance check, and a dark light went on inside of him, telling him that with this income he could buy a gun, and end this drama forever. His heart began to race, and cold sweat erupted all over his body, and he knew that he had better start self-medication soon, or he would not even have the composure to complete any necessary transactions. He made his way to the main post office, where he had recently rented a box for his mail. This PO box was the only place that he could call his own now, and he felt so small, and insignificant, and did not even attempt to ponder the why’s or the what’s about his life, as these internal inquiries always came back empty.

Upon opening the box, he was disappointed to find no severance check from his employer, and helplessness and misery continued to overwhelm him. But, he noted a small post card from a mail carrier from an outlying rural area of the county. He read the card, read and understood the request of the carrier, and was immediately struck by how indifferent he was to the plight of the mail carrier.

“Why should I care about some unclaimed body?” he thought, even though the deceased had the same last name as his own.

His mothers’ parents lived across the country, and he rarely saw them as he grew up. On his father’s side, he had lost those grandparents, even before he was born. He knew of no other family members with a similar last name, so he cast the card into the garbage on the way out the door.

How was he going to end his life today, now that he had no money to try drink himself to death like he had done daily for the past two months, or to purchase a gun for one final solution to his problems? In his helplessness and desperation, he called out once again to a God that he never understood, or believed in, in yet another vain attempt to find a solution to a problem that he could not understand. He was quite accustomed by now, to talking with people who could not listen to him, and seeking love from people who had no love to give, so the deadly silent answer he received back from the God of his misunderstanding felt almost normal to him by now.

As he drifted along the sidewalk, the idea came to him to go to the mortuary, and to see if the deceased man had any assets that he could falsely claim as his own, so that he could finish his own business as well, and perhaps join the stranger on his own personal death slab.

The mortuary was on the other side of town, and since all that he had was time, and misery, he thought that the time spent walking to the mortuary might pay off, if he could deceive the people about who he was. Gary eventually made it to the mortuary, tired and anxious, and entered the double front door into the foyer, seeking someone to talk with. That moment the manager was walking by, and engaged Gary in conversation, asking him what he could do for him. Gary then, while still uncomfortable from his unfulfilled cravings for drinks and drugs, stated that he may be a long-lost relative of the deceased, and asked if he could have any assets that the man may have had on his body at the time of death. The manager eyed him closely, and was struck by a vague similarity between this disheveled young man, whom he estimated to be around 30 years old, and the deceased man lying on a cold slab in the far back room of the mortuary.

“Let me take a look at your identification, sir, if you will, please”, asked the manager.

Taking the photo identification, he saw that the man before him had the same last name as the deceased, as well as a middle name the same as the first name of the deceased, and he thought,

“Perhaps this man really is related”.

The manager took Gary to the back room, and led Gary to the body. Gary took a deep breath, and began to look at the body, first starting at the feet, and gradually making his way to the man’s head.

“I am only here for the money,” he reminded himself, as he began the distasteful process of attempting to look concerned, while viewing the stranger’s body.

But, a feeling a recognition began to bubble up with Gary’s mind, and he became surprised, when he recognized, in spite of the deceased man’s wrinkled face, his own fathers’ eyes, nose, and chin on this deceased man,

“How could this be?” he thought. “Is this man a long-lost uncle of my father, or, perhaps an unknown twin of my deceased grandfather?”

Nothing made sense to him, and his anxiousness and his racing heart gave way to a sense of grief, and loss, and his heart hurt, unlike any hurt that he ever felt before.

“Why don’t I know this man? He must be related to me!” he thought. He then repeated his constant litany of complaints against life, which included such dark thoughts as

“This man, even if he is family, never loved me or cared about me. Why should I care about him?  He is dead, and so am I. Why did life do this to me?  I must be some sort of aborted child of god, or some red-headed step child of an unloving family, and universe that needs to punish me for being myself. Why should I even care about anybody, anyway, because nobody ever listened to me, acknowledged me, or cared for me in any meaningful way that I could recognize?, Anyway, I don’t remember what love feels like or looks like, and maybe my curse is to never make its acquaintance, or to have my voice heard by anybody who cares.”

But, Gary’s curiosity was tickled a bit, and he found the energy to ask the manager if anybody else had come to look at the body. The manager had answered no, and Gary then felt some other difficult feelings, which felt unsafe for him to express with the manager of the mortuary.

For some unknown reason, he felt anger rising to the level of his consciousness, and he also felt the sense of betrayal yet again, at the hands of his father, which he had already previously experienced in a myriad of other ways, This made him feel worse than he could ever remember feeling before, and he felt that he could not be wronged one more time. He had already walked out on his father several years before, after he was once again publicly humiliated by him at a major social function that was honoring his successful dad, and his fathers’ efforts in the community.

“Hmmm, maybe I won’t wait for the alcohol to kill me now, perhaps its time to become proactive in my demise, for I can no longer live this lie that my life has become”, he thought to himself.

“The closer I get to any truth about my life, the more miserable I feel, and this can’t go on any longer.”

He then sealed the deal in his mind, making the decision that it was time to take whatever money his grandfather may have had left, buy a gun, and end it all.

“Do you think that the county records would have any useful information for me, if I were to go there and make an inquiry?” asked Gary.

The manager replied that there could be little harm in asking a few questions of them, and then encouraged Gary to make the trip to the building where all county records were stored. It was beer thirty, to be closely followed by Gin eighty proof, to be followed by a blackout, hopefully, if Gary’s daily life plan went according to the standards set by his previous two months of life, so whatever mission he was on, he needed to quickly finish. Finding enough money to finish the job was his only intention, at this point.

As he walked to the house of records, Gary vaguely recollected stories his dad used to tell him about his ancestors. His great-grandfather had immigrated to America fairly early in the last century, and had adapted his original family name into a unique name for himself and his family, and all of his ancestors to follow. He also heard a few stories about his great-grandfather’s alcoholism, and how that disease disfigured and punished the family horribly. The children were beat within inches of their lives, and his wife was eventually beaten to death by his great-grandfather during a drunken blackout. Well, he thought to himself, at least I did not beat my wife and children in the style of my great grandfather, though he then intuited that he might have beat them up in other, less obvious ways.

His last name must still be a fairly uncommon name, only shared by direct family members, as far as he could reason. After an exhaustive search of the records, it was found that the only record available about family name, other than that was recorded for his father and for himself, was another deed that was recorded with that same, unique last name, some fifty years before. But, there was no record of this home owner’s death.  Gary had been told since he could remember that his grandparents had died,  years before his own birth, so nothing made sense, except for the fact that, perhaps, his own father had lied to him his whole life about his origins.

With more questions than answers, Gary returned to the mortuary, with a copy of the original deed to the deceased man’s home. Gary then asked the manager as to the location from which the body had been picked up from. The manager went to his office, and after a brief search returned with the original paperwork generated through the processing of the incoming body. The addresses were identical! Still feeling cold-hearted, and rejected one final time, Gary acknowledged that this must be a relative, and could he please have his wallet now?

The manager called an associate, who located the box where all of the contents in the deceased man’s pockets were being held. Gary was led back to the same large chilled room in the back of the complex, where Gary was also presented with the man’s possessions. Gary hesitantly walked back over to the man, and gazed upon his old, broken body again. He then began to cry uncontrollably. Gary had not cried in years. and this emotional outburst was totally unexpected, and uncharacteristic, of how he had learned to behave. Gradually, as the tears subsided, the identity of this man became obvious to him.

Gary informed the manager, that the man had to be his grandfather, and that he wanted all of his grandfather’s possessions. The manager delivered the contents within the man’s pockets, which included a wallet with $22, and a sealed letter that was in his front shirt pocket. The manager handed the note to Brian, who then promised to take it outside to read it, He really was heading to the liquor store first, however, to spend the last $22 on the cheapest booze that he could find, so that he might have enough to poison himself to death, since he did not have enough money for a gun. On the way back to the park, where Gary occasionally drank by himself, Gary stopped to open up the letter to read it. Even though the note had been written by a feeble old man, the writing was quite legible, and so Brian sat down, sans his best friend alcohol, which he would purchase later and finally began to read it.

Dear Grandson,

You do not know me, but oh, how I know you! I am your grandfather. I know that this must be a shock to you, to have to hear about me under such conditions, but this is the way of our world sometimes. I do not know what path that you had to travel to get here, to finally find the truth about you, and your life. But I also know that it is what was necessary to get you to this point in this first place, where you can finally “hear my voice’, even if it must be from the grave.

Your father was a fine son to me, and he had such a wonderful countenance all through his childhood. His smile brought such joy and happiness to your grandmother and me, and we thanked our Creator daily for the miracle of his beautiful life, and the open heart that he was blessed with. Like all growing children, he needed guidance and direction, which we gave to him lovingly, and without reservation, whenever he lacked direction, or when we saw that he was straying from his unique path of goodness. He was so open to learning that he was naturally a great student, and he devoured knowledge, much like a hungry teenage kid devours a pizza. Our sense of pride in his development, and his accomplishments at home and at school, never waned during all of those years. Nobody ever loved their son more than we loved your father, and you need to know that now, so that we can rest in peace.

I still do not know what caused your father to turn so aggressively against us, when he turned 17 years old. He was an advanced student and was already preparing for his college education, and we continued to affirm his goals, and together we celebrated all of the goodness that was unfolding in his life. Yet, he began to spurn our attention, and rejected all of our advice, and help, even though we could see that something was troubling him, and that he should consider talking through his issues with those that love him, so that he might avoid some of the same adult issues that I had faced, such as avoiding the alcoholism that poisoned much of our family tree. We encouraged him to avoid the temptation to drink, and also for him to socialize with those who heading the same direction as he was in life. But, he found himself a girlfriend, who had other ideas besides supporting a man who had ambition and a desire for higher education. His concentration on his studies eventually faded, to the point where he no longer was interested in pursuing his college degree.

We encouraged him to seek help from others, since he no longer wanted to look to us for his support. His girlfriend became his number one messenger for his guidance and direction, and her message was quite contrary to all that we had tried to teach your father, and we expressed our concern several times. But your father’s mind was made up, and in an angry spell he totally rejected us, and struck out on his own, heading into the city to find his work. Of course his work ethic still stayed with him, which enabled him to climb to the heights of his profession. Yet, he was so bitter and angry with us for trying to help him that he rejected us for all time, with no opportunity for us to reconcile.

For you to be reading this note, your path must have brought to you some grief and suffering, and perhaps you even feel wronged and betrayed by your father. And, you have every right to feel that way. Yet, it is now up to you to manage your life. By now you must have learned how to prune away the unwelcome thorns from your  minds’ eye, and you have pulled all of the useless weeds from your heart that try to choke out your sense of purpose, and the potential for peace, and love in your life. For if you have not done this most important gardening of the soul, then your life will reflect the chaos and misunderstanding that curses the lives of all who have chosen not to manage their own internal gardens. Your beauty is there for all to see, and for you to see, but the work of the gardener is never complete. There are always new seasons to prepare for, new buds to blossom into beautiful flowers, as well as the need for the removal of those painful thorns that stick us, and our loved ones, in their hearts if we have not managed our gardens like the master gardeners that our Creator made us to be.

Your grandmother and I lived in the country, besides the great forest, where we had our own little piece of heaven. Our cottage has sheltered and protected us for 50 years, and it was the place that we raised your father. Please stop by sometime and visit your grandmother there (I do not know where the others will bury me, but please insist that my beloved wife stay where she now is). Her headstone is the most wonderful rose-bush that we ever cared for. Though the rose-bush could not love us back like the son we once shared with our great Creator, it came to reflect the glory back to us, that our Creator gave to us in all of our beginnings.

Grandson, I do not know what the future holds for you. But I do know that our hearts hold your essence near and dear, for all eternity, as our hearts also hold our long-lost son. Please love your father, and show to him the fruits of the spirit that our great Creator gave to you, in the beginning, before this world of pain and suffering arose. I know that the future will bring wholeness to you, if you can make the journey back to your grandfather’s and grandmother’s home. Our hearts have always been open, and waiting for you, and your father.

If your heart leads you to our home, with patience, you will find your own unique buried treasure, a treasure so precious, so tender, so loving, that your whole being will feel like a joyous explosion has levelled all of your past heartache and fear. If you find your treasure, your will find our blessing, and this will provide for you in all ways for all of your time to come.

Life does not always deliver beautiful flowers to our doorsteps, my grandson, but with loving attention and care, we can help each other to blossom from within and reveal the beauty that our Creator imbued us with in the beginning. By ourselves, in isolation, we are doomed to a life devoid of hope, and of love, so stay in touch with your people, for you will help each other stay whole.

Finally remember that all that you give to your life, you give to yourself, as well. All that you receive from life, you also receive for all of humanity.  No matter how great your vision, or how limited it might become, all that you will ever see, unto Eternity, is yourself. How will you see yourself today, my beloved grandson?

Blessed be you, who have finally read this message. More blessed be the world, when you finally understand it.

Love,

Brian, your grandfather

Gary was absolutely blown away from his reading of the letter. The constant tension around his chest, and near his heart, that he had felt all of his life had begun to loosen, and he was confused by the change in his feelings as the pain in his heart started to give way to something so precious, so powerful, and so healing, that he could no longer stand up by himself. As Gary began to collapse, the manager grabbed Gary and attempted to hold him up, but Gary, in a rare moment lacking self-consciousness, wrapped his arms around the manager to first stabilize himself, and then to give the man the first hug he had ever given another human being.

“Kind sir, please prepare my grandfather for transport back to his home, where I plan to bury him next to his wife”, Gary requested, though he had no idea how he would ever afford to deliver on his intention. He grabbed the $22 that the manager had given him, and added the $16 that he still had, and asked the manager if he could put this money down on delivery fees to have his grandfather transported back to his home.

The manager thought for a moment, and then remembered an old hearse that he had mothballed in a warehouse close by, and he ordered his assistant to retrieve it, and make it ready for transporting the grandfather’s body.

“You may keep this hearse as long as you need it, Gary. Just make sure that you keep in touch, and let me know how everything works out for you”.

Gary was blown away by the generosity of the manager, and as graciously as he could, he thanked the man, and when the hearse was ready, helped transport his grandfather’s body out to the hearse. Brian’s body was carefully placed in the back, and with the copy of his grandfather’s deed, he sought the homeland for which his grandfather wanted to be buried.

Arriving at his grandparents’ property, he was stunned by its beauty, and its placement in relationship to the forests, meadows, and nearby streams and mountains. A sense of gratitude for life, and a sense of awe for his new surroundings, came to replace his desire for alcohol and drugs. He eagerly walked around the property, admiring all of the wonderful landscaping that dominated his grandparents property, though everywhere he looked, there was signs of neglect, with the property needing major work just to get it looking organized again. He walked into the cottage, which had a welcoming feel for some reason, and he was immediately struck by another feeling, a feeling that he had finally found his true home, and his real family, even though they were now dead. He walked from room to room, admiring his grandmother’s artwork, and all of the early family photographs showing his father happily engaged in activities with his grandfather. Walls were filled with articles from the local paper about his own father and his myriad accomplishments, and shelves were still filled with his father’s trophies from his high school sports participation.

“Well, if I am to live here, I had better either learn how to forgive my father, or I am going to have to throw all of these memories away,” he thought to himself. Forgiveness was an unknown concept up to now, best left for those who really could give and receive it.

Walking outside, and around the cottage just around the front door, Gary spotted his grandmother’s grave mound, and its most wondrous headstone, a perfectly manicured rose-bush, filled with blossoming roses. Though tears began filling his eyes, he began to feel such an overwhelming appreciation for his grandmother, that he had to get down on his knees before her grave, and from his heart he spoke of his regret at having never met her, or his grandfather. He also began to realize that there was much to be done around making some changes in his life, and making some amends to all whom he had harmed while on his darkened path.

“But, first things first”, he thought.   His grandfather’s body needed to be buried, and though he did not like hard work, having never held a shovel in his life, he sought one from the shed, and walked back to the grandmothers’ gravesite.

He thought of all of the work that lie ahead, and he felt overwhelmed by the prospect of caring for this piece of property, as he had no money, or experience, in managing a country home with a yard. How could he ever afford to pay for the taxes or the upkeep, let alone feed and clothe himself? His city life had made him quite ignorant as to the ways of nature, and of caring for plants. His city life had also made him quite ignorant of the ways of caring for his own self and his soul, though he now suspected that he was more in control of this than he had previously realized.

Walking to the unruly rose-bush besides his grandmothers’ grave, he began to lose hope again, and he felt powerless, and foolish forever thinking that he belonged here. Yet, his grandfather’s letter had left a measure of hope in his heart, so he committed to finishing the business of the day, which was to bury his grandfather, and then he would have to figure out what to do next, including, perhaps, finishing the business of ending his own life. Perhaps he should dig two graves?

He started shoveling the dirt that was behind the chaos that now was the second rose-bush. He pushed the shovel into the ground, and though the shovel felt uncomfortable in his hands, he quickly learned how to more efficiently press the shovel into the earth, for maximum load movement. The strain on his back was quite unfamiliar, yet he grew to appreciate the movement that he was making, and the results began to show. As the hole stretched closer and closer to the wayward thorny branches of the bush, he noted that the ground was softer, and the dirt seemed to fly right out of the shovel with little effort! But then, he struck something that appeared to be out-of-place, a soft spot among the hardened soil. Curious, he bent down, and brushed away the dirt from some flat, unrecognizable surface.

“Why, what is this?” he thought, as he grabbed a box from the ground. Opening it, he found a deed to the cottage and property, a checking account book, and many thousands of dollars in stray cash.

It was then that he remembered his grandfather’s note, and the promise of finding buried treasure, should he find his way to his grandparent’s home. He thought that his grandfather had a more poetic intent than just this cold, hard cash, and time would prove that to be true. Yet, in the interim to finding the real truth of his grandfather’s message, he found a concrete way to stay connected with his new home, and he felt supported, for the first time in his life, by Life itself.

Several months passed, and Gary became devoted to his grandparents land. He worked hard each day into the evening, cleaning and upgrading the home, and all of the surrounding property to the best that he could. He had to learn as he went, as his life training was so limited, that he had no background. On his free time, he went to the bookstores, and purchased all of the books he could find about growing flowers, and pruning rose bushes. He wanted to be an expert from the beginning, but as life would have it, he had a lot to learn, and made many mistakes in attempting to recover his grandparents’ sacred rose garden. But he was not deterred, and he saved his best effort the bush that served as his grandfathers’ headstone. With all of the love, care, and concern that he could muster, he pruned each branch as if it was his own child, to carefully reveal the inner buds of beauty that the bush had tried to reveal to the world, but in the past was stymied by the proliferation of all of its thorny branches.

Gary felt whole for the first time in his life, and he wanted to share it with somebody. He no longer felt the need to remain isolated, as he felt, for the first time in his life, a sense of purpose, and he had a peace of mind that he never believed possible for himself. Who would possibly be interested in sharing these gifts with him??

His amends letter had reached his wife, and his son, late that summer. His wife had not heard from Gary for over 8 months, and she could hardly believe the message that she was reading. But, her heart mysteriously began to break open, and she felt compelled to take her son, and drive to the cottage on the outskirts of the county, and visit with her estranged husband.

Gary waited beside the mailbox, awaiting for his wife and son to arrive. He was feeling some apprehension, though he knew that this was the path of his heart, and that there was no going back. He was prepared to make amends for all of the harm he had caused, through his own ignorance, and his own brokenness and unhealed life.

His wife and his son were blown away by the change they witnessed in Gary.

”It must be some sort of miracle!”, his wife thought, that Gary could undergo such a profound change of mind, and of heart, and be the person that stood before them now.

“What has happened to you Gary, you are so changed, you now appear to be so happy! And, the hairs on my arms, and on the back of my neck, start to tingle whenever you speak to me! What happened?”

“Well, I can hardly believe that this could be happening to me, but I think that I am having an experience with God!”

Gary then proceeded to tell his story, and though he never believed in God, nor would his old mind ever let him, he felt like he had been touched by the very hand of the Creator, and he felt the inner assurance that his search for truth had found unexpected results.

Their relationship began again, with a new emphasis on love, understanding, and change. His wife and son moved in with him, and together they finished rebuilding their grandparents’ piece of paradise. Several years later, the rose garden, having been returned to its original stature, attracted people from far and wide, and once again their property became a sustaining operation, and they had no further issues with successfully managing the property.

Their family continued to thrive, and they continued the sometimes difficult process of fine tuning their own minds and hearts, while helping their other family members tune themselves to the higher vibrations, as well. Communication no longer was threatening to Gary, though sometimes he still struggled with old thoughts from the past that suggested that he was not being heard. Because he was open about his issues, his wife was able to give loving guidance whenever his behavior suggested that he felt that he was not being heard, even when he really was. His wounds, or his thorns, were always going to be with him, but his wife was there to help him trim back the thorns, whenever they threatened to scratch.

He daily stopped by his grandparents’ grave, and gave his respect, and his love, to both their gravesites, and to the rose bushes that adorned their resting place. Yes, there was order in his life, and in the universe as a whole, and others outside of the family came to recognize his growth and evolution.

Gary grew to become respected, and honored in his community, even though he felt like he had nothing to do with it, giving all credit to the change that his grandfather stimulated within him.

Word of his life and his new energy reached far and wide, and finally fell upon the once deaf ears of his long abandoned father, who was in failing health. His mother had died two years previous, and now his father was in need of extra support in his old age, and he was moved to a nursing home, where he received adequate care, though his heart was unhealed, and he continued to ache for all of the love that he had lost in his life. He was inconsolable, and the medical staff felt helpless as to how to help him. A member of the staff, not really knowing of the estrangement of the father and son, heard of the great life that the son was leading, and wondered why there was no connection. She proceeded to contact Gary, who she had read about in the county newspaper, to see if he could help in any way to give his father a higher quality of life in his final days.

“Whoa, I could never give that man what he needs!” thought Gary, and his own spirits started to sink, as he contemplated his own unwillingness to help, his almost indifference to the plight of his father.

But something clashed inside of his heart. His life was now devoted to his family, and to his land, and to providing beauty and a new sense of appreciation for the wonders of creation for all who visited his family’s land.

“Yet, does not this man also deserve the same opportunity to be blessed by the gifts that my grandfather gave to me? And, was not this property his own home over fifty years ago?”

Gary consulted with his wife and son, and they discussed at length the potential risks, and rewards, of extending their hearts and lives to the man who so frequently and rudely damaged Gary’s sense of self- esteem when he was young. Gary knew that, in the spirit of fairness, and in a tribute to his new sense of spiritual integrity, he now felt compelled to extend the hand of love to his father, in his final stretch of days. His father arrived by ambulance several days later, and the family prepared the home for their newest family addition, devoting the family room to Gary’s father’s care. Gary’s father was severely compromised mentally, having lost his short-term memory. But his father also remembered many of the good times that father and son had shared together. so they focused on the good times, while Gary continued to trim his own internal thorns back, that tried to prevent love’s vision from appearing. Daily, Gary would wheel his father out into their beautiful garden, where his father delighted, and felt somehow completed, and made whole, by being there. Eventually Gary left his father in front of the two prized rose bushes nearest the house, not telling him that his own parents’ bodies were buried, with the bushes as their headstones.

Gary’s father always requested to be left at those bushes, and Gary was more than happy to wait by his wheelchair’s side, as his father gazed, with pure love in his own heart, at the treasured shrubs. And, as his own father neared his death, Gary felt, for the first time in his life, a complete and total unconditional love for the man who was now appearing as his father, knowing inside, with the complete authority of the spirit that resided within him, that his father was so much more than the role that he played in life. Gary finally recognized that the Creator had appeared as his father, and for the first time in his life, he felt grateful for his father’s life.

On the final day of his father’s life, Gary wheeled him outside, to one more time view the prized rose bushes. Gary told his father that his parents were buried there, and that they had always saved a place in their hearts, and on their property, for their once estranged son.

Gary’s father looked up into Gary’s eyes, and, with his own eyes filled with tears they exchanged loving looks, and acknowledged the perfection of love that all of them now shared together.

Gary’s father final wish was to be buried beside his father, and when the end arrived, he was lovingly placed in his own resting place, beside the father, and mother, who had awaited his return all of this time.

The third rose-bush, because of the extra love and attention paid to it, became a most beautiful creation, and truly belonged alongside the other two prized bushes. The family felt honored, and blessed, and vowed to also be buried beside their now beloved father, and grandparents. The cycle of life, and of love, had once again become fulfilled. Healing was the greatest gift of all, returning to everyone the joy of sharing and togetherness, and they continued to be blessed, and to bless others, with the all of the gifts of the spirit that were to follow.

We are all master gardeners, and we are all rose bushes. While we help trim the thorns from those we love, we must also be willing to have our own thorns trimmed back. This is the essence of cultivating the spirit of creation.

Thank you to my loving wife, Sharon White for her constant encouragement and support, as I continue to heal from my original brokenness, which tries to tell me that my voice will never be heard. I have been heard, and in that hearing, I am healed.

“My peace I leave with you, not as the world giveth, give I unto you”.    Jesus of Nazereth

New Science Proves That Men with This Have Better Sex Lives

By Diana Bruck

Heads up, fellas. It’s time to drop the “tough guy” act. Fostering emotional health can help improve your relationships, body confidence, and feelings of sexual satisfaction—for both partners.

In the aftermath of the #metoo movement, one of the focal points of discussion has been the way that toxic masculinity is harmful to both women and men. Our outdated views of masculinity–especially the notion that men need to keep all of their feelings bottled up–has serious consequences.

A recent episode of NPR’s “The Hidden Brain” highlighted the way that the lack of male bonding negatively impacts a man’s physical health. An analysis of nearly 150 studies has found that people with strong social bonds have a 50 percent lower mortality risk than those who do not. The shocking data has led some sociologists to conclude that men who feel lonely or isolated have an even greater risk of death than people who don’t exercise or are clinically obese.

Now, Japanese sexual health and wellness company Tenga has pulled back the curtain on some of the other effects of outdated assumptions of masculinity, in a recently-released report based on results on the responses of 13,000 adults between the ages of 18 and 74 across 18 countries. Much of the survey focused on how men viewed having and expressing feelings and the result this attitude had on their wellbeing.

Approximately 90 percent of American men said they believe men value traditionally masculine traits such as aggression, assertiveness, and physical strength. But 88 percent of men claimed to be in touch with their emotions, and 77 percent said they were comfortable talking about their feelings or personal challenges, indicating that perhaps men are actually changing, and not as many men value traditionally masculine characteristics as you would think.

This is particularly true of younger generations, since 50 percent of Baby Boomers, 59 percent of Millennials, and 62 percent of Gen Xers defined themselves as men who “Feel More”—in other words: are open about their feelings and desires.

This is great news, because the survey found that being men who reported feeling more enjoyed a variety of wellness benefits. Their emotional connection with their partner was 20 percent better, they had much higher levels of body confidence, and they are 20 percent more happy with their sex life than the average man. They are 23 percent more likely to use sex toys, and are 18 percent more sexually satisfied with their partner.

They are also happier with their lives in general, and have better overall health. Men who “feel more” were even found to be 11 percent more likely to be part of a gym than those who play things close to the chest. And we all know how much exercise impacts our physical health and extends our lifespan.

As society changes, women’s sexual preferences change as well. A recent study, for example, found that women are no longer interested in flashy men with lots of resources, and another study found that while a woman might enjoy a strong-jawed man for a brief sexual fling, she’s more likely to choose one with feminine features, that denote empathy and understanding, for a long-term partner. This implies that never crying in front of a woman is no longer a prerequisite for someone to think you’re a “real man.”

This research corroborates with the Tenga study, which found that 91 percent of people looking for a male partner said their ideal man was comfortable discussing sex and mental health, cared about social issues, and was in touch with his feelings and those of the people around him.

“It’s important we realize being empathetic and open to the needs of yourself and those around you isn’t weak or taboo, but rather a necessity to break down social stigmas and allow everyone to be their authentic selves,” Dr. Chris Donaghue