Part X: The Master Teacher Speaks
attempt 0:
The Hidden Passengers: Unmasking Unconscious Influences
This journey of deconstruction inevitably leads to the basement of the psyche, where we discover we are not alone. One of the most startling revelations of deep self-inquiry is the recognition of the unconscious influences that shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. During the transformative experience of 1987, two distinct “thought forms” or identity structures became visible within my own field of consciousness. They were unwelcome passengers, psychological stowaways who had been influencing my perception and choices without my conscious awareness.
These formations, later understood as internalized trauma responses, were distorted energetic imprints of parental influences absorbed in childhood. They appeared as “tricksters”—familiar enough to provide a strange sort of companionship for the isolated ego, yet ultimately destructive to authentic self-expression. Their whispers felt like my own thoughts; their fears felt like my own fears.
This discovery illuminates a profound truth about the human psyche: trauma becomes embedded within consciousness, creating fragmented, personality-like structures that compete for control. This explains the intense internal conflicts so many people experience—the sense of being pulled in different directions by competing inner voices, each claiming to represent our “true” interests. One part of us yearns for connection, while another sabotages relationships. One part strives for health, while another engages in self-destructive behavior. We are a house divided against itself.
As long as these hidden passengers remain unexamined in the darkness of the unconscious, they will continue to run the show. They generate the same limiting thoughts, the same emotional reactions, and the same behavioral patterns that keep us trapped in cycles of suffering and confusion. Recognizing them is the first step toward reclaiming our sovereignty. It is to shine the light of awareness on these fragments and see them for what they are: not who we are, but echoes of the past. By witnessing them without judgment, we loosen their grip and integrate their energy, moving from a state of internal civil war to one of wholeness.
Working Out Your Own Salvation
The most crucial understanding that emerges from any deep spiritual experience is that of personal responsibility. No teacher, no guru, no savior, no book—not even this one—can deliver enlightenment to you. Guides can point the way, share maps of the territory they have traversed, and offer encouragement. But ultimately, each individual must walk their own unique path to truth. The journey inward is one you must take alone.
This can feel both empowering and daunting. The empowerment comes from realizing that everything you need for spiritual realization already exists within your own consciousness. You are not lacking anything. The daunting feeling arises from the stark recognition that no one else can do the inner work for you. If a seeker is still clinging to concepts of Jesus, Mohammed, or Buddha as an external savior, that very clinging becomes the block, the final barrier preventing further progress on the infinite path. They are pointers to the truth, not the truth itself. The truth is the “I AM” within you that they realized within themselves.
The practical path forward involves developing the capacity to “think no thoughts.” This does not mean achieving a permanent state of mental blankness, a cognitive void. It means cultivating the ability to rest in aware presence without being compulsively hijacked by mental commentary. It is about shifting your identity from the thinker to the witness, the silent observer of the mind’s activity. This practice creates the space for direct perception to emerge, allowing us to respond to life from a place of deep wisdom rather than conditioned reactivity.
attempt 1: How to Release Control of Your Mind and Follow New Paths of Consciousness
The human mind operates like a relentless driver, gripping the steering wheel of consciousness with white-knuckled determination. We navigate through life believing we must control every thought, direct every experience, and manage every outcome. Yet what if the greatest spiritual transformation requires the most counterintuitive act: releasing that very control?
This guide explores the profound journey of letting go—not as passive surrender, but as active transformation. You’ll discover practical steps to quiet the mind’s chatter, embrace the unknown, and open pathways to consciousness that conventional thinking cannot access. Through mindfulness practices, meditation techniques, and radical acceptance exercises, you’ll learn to step beyond the limitations of ego-driven existence into realms of infinite possibility.
The Foundation of Spiritual Transformation
Spiritual transformation begins with a startling recognition: the version of yourself you’ve constructed through years of conditioning, judgments, and accumulated experiences may not represent your truest nature. Like a driver who has become so focused on the road that they’ve forgotten their destination, we often become trapped within the narrow confines of habitual thinking.
The mind creates elaborate narratives about who we are, what we believe, and how the world operates. These mental constructs, while serving practical purposes in daily life, can become psychological prisons that prevent us from accessing deeper dimensions of consciousness. The ego—that collection of memories, judgments, and self-concepts—mistakes its limited perspective for absolute reality.
Yet beneath this surface identity lies something far more expansive. When we release our death grip on mental control, we create space for what mystics and consciousness explorers have called “new paths of consciousness” to emerge. These aren’t mere philosophical concepts, but lived experiences that can fundamentally alter our perception of reality.
The Moment of Release: Understanding What It Means to Let Go
Imagine sitting in meditation, repeating a sacred phrase or focusing on your breath, when suddenly you encounter a choice point. You sense that you could continue steering your awareness in familiar directions, or you could release the controls entirely and allow something unknown to unfold.
This moment of release isn’t about becoming passive or losing consciousness. Rather, it’s about transitioning from effortful control to receptive awareness. Like a tightly clenched fist that suddenly opens, the mind stops grasping and begins receiving.
The sensation often begins as a subtle lifting—as if the heavy armor of self-consciousness were being removed piece by piece. Old psychological burdens, the weight of constant self-monitoring, and the exhausting effort of maintaining a particular identity begin to dissolve. What remains isn’t emptiness, but a profound sense of coming home to something essential and eternal.
This release creates what can only be described as an “exhilarating inner rush”—not the temporary high of external stimulation, but the deep satisfaction of alignment with our fundamental nature. The boundaries between observer and observed begin to soften, revealing interconnected structures of consciousness that were always present but previously hidden by mental noise.
Entering New Dimensions of Awareness
When we successfully release mental control, we often discover that consciousness is far more expansive than we previously imagined. Instead of the linear, verbal thinking that dominates ordinary awareness, we encounter what might be called “infinite interconnected energy structures”—webs of meaning and connection that transcend individual identity.
These experiences can be profoundly disorienting at first. The familiar landmarks of ego-based navigation disappear, replaced by a landscape that operates according to different principles. Here, separation dissolves into unity, time-based thinking gives way to eternal presence, and the very notion of a fixed self becomes questionable.
The messages that arise in these states often challenge our most basic assumptions about reality. Phrases like “No teacher shall effect salvation” point to the essential truth that spiritual transformation cannot be imported from external sources—it must be discovered and integrated through direct experience. “Think no thoughts” suggests that our habitual mental activity often obscures rather than reveals truth.
Perhaps most challenging is the recognition that “you can’t be real”—at least not in the way we typically understand ourselves. This isn’t a nihilistic negation of existence, but a joyful recognition that our constructed identities are temporary arrangements rather than ultimate realities. The “you” that worries, judges, and struggles is revealed as a collection of mental habits rather than a solid entity.
Practical Steps to Release Mental Control
Understanding the theory of releasing control is one thing; developing the practical skills to do so consistently is another. The following techniques provide concrete methods for cultivating this profound shift in consciousness.
Mindfulness Meditation: The Art of Witnessing
Mindfulness meditation forms the foundation of mental release by teaching us to observe thoughts and emotions without becoming entangled in them. Begin with short sessions of 10-15 minutes, focusing on your breath as an anchor in the present moment.
As thoughts arise—and they inevitably will—practice viewing them like clouds passing through an open sky. Notice their content without judging them as good or bad, important or trivial. This develops what Buddhist traditions call “choiceless awareness”—the capacity to witness mental activity without compulsively engaging with every thought that appears.
Pay particular attention to the space between thoughts. In those moments of mental stillness, you may glimpse the awareness that underlies all mental activity. This awareness is always present, even when obscured by busy thinking. Regular practice strengthens your ability to rest in this spacious presence rather than being pulled into the drama of mental narratives.
Body Scan Meditation: Releasing Physical Control
The body often holds tension that reflects mental grasping. A systematic body scan meditation helps release both physical and psychological control patterns simultaneously.
Lie comfortably and bring attention to your feet, noticing any sensations without trying to change them. Gradually move your awareness up through your legs, pelvis, abdomen, chest, arms, neck, and head. Where you discover tension, practice breathing into those areas and allowing them to soften naturally.
This practice reveals how much energy we unconsciously invest in maintaining physical and mental rigidity. As the body learns to release unnecessary tension, the mind often follows suit, discovering that it too can function more efficiently with less effortful control.
Open Monitoring Meditation: Expanding Awareness
While focused meditation practices concentrate attention on specific objects like the breath, open monitoring meditation cultivates a more expansive awareness that can hold multiple experiences simultaneously without getting caught by any particular stimulus.
Sit quietly and allow your attention to expand beyond any single focus point. Notice sounds, bodily sensations, emotions, and thoughts as they arise and pass away, maintaining an attitude of curious interest rather than selective attention. This develops the capacity to remain centered amidst changing experiences rather than being overwhelmed by mental or sensory input.
This practice particularly supports the release of mental control by training attention to function more like a clear mirror than a spotlight—reflecting whatever appears without preference or resistance.
Contemplative Inquiry: Questioning Fixed Beliefs
Our sense of needing to control consciousness often stems from unexamined beliefs about who we are and how reality operates. Contemplative inquiry involves asking fundamental questions and remaining open to answers that may challenge our assumptions.
Consider questions like: “Who or what is aware of my thoughts?” “What remains constant through all my changing experiences?” “What would I be without my story about myself?” Allow these questions to work on you over time rather than seeking immediate intellectual answers.
This process gradually undermines the unconscious beliefs that maintain ego-based control patterns. As our fundamental assumptions become more flexible, the mind naturally releases its grip on rigid ways of thinking and perceiving.
Embracing the Paradox: How to Be Unreal
One of the most profound challenges in this journey involves integrating the recognition that our ordinary sense of self isn’t ultimately real while still functioning effectively in daily life. This creates what might be called a “transformational dynamic”—living with the simultaneous knowledge that we both exist and don’t exist in conventional terms.
(Schrodinger’s cat would fit here).
This paradox initially feels destabilizing because it challenges the either/or thinking that dominates conventional consciousness. We’re conditioned to believe that something either exists or doesn’t, that we’re either real or imaginary. But advanced consciousness reveals a more nuanced understanding where different levels of reality can coexist.
The ego—that collection of memories, preferences, and learned responses—functions like a useful fiction. It provides continuity and enables practical functioning while not representing our deepest nature. Learning to hold this perspective lightly rather than desperately creates tremendous psychological freedom.
Consider how this applies to your daily identifications. When you think “I am angry” or “I am confused,” notice that something is aware of these states without being limited by them. The awareness that recognizes anger isn’t itself angry; the consciousness that observes confusion isn’t itself confused. This awareness represents a more fundamental aspect of your being than any temporary emotional or mental state.
Connecting with Universal Interconnectedness
As individual identity becomes more transparent, the recognition of interconnectedness often emerges spontaneously. This isn’t merely an intellectual understanding but a lived recognition that the boundaries between self and other are far more permeable than commonly assumed.
This shift in perception naturally gives rise to compassion—not as a moral obligation but as a recognition of shared being. When the artificial walls between “me” and “you” become transparent, caring for others feels as natural as caring for yourself because the distinction becomes increasingly meaningless.
Practice extending loving-kindness meditation beyond your immediate circle to include difficult people, strangers, and even those you consider enemies. This gradually dissolves the ego’s tendency to divide the world into categories of acceptable and unacceptable, expanding your capacity to recognize the common essence underlying all apparent differences.
Spend time in natural settings where the interconnectedness of all life becomes more apparent. Observe how trees, animals, weather patterns, and seasonal cycles all participate in larger systems that transcend individual boundaries. Allow this recognition to inform your understanding of human consciousness as equally interconnected.
Integration: Living the Transformation
The ultimate test of spiritual transformation isn’t the profundity of peak experiences but how successfully these insights integrate into ordinary life. This requires developing what might be called “functional enlightenment”—maintaining access to expanded awareness while engaging effectively with practical responsibilities.
Begin incorporating brief moments of release throughout your day. During conversations, practice listening from the spacious awareness you’ve cultivated in meditation rather than from reactive mental patterns. When facing challenges, take a moment to step back from problem-solving mode and connect with the larger perspective that transcends immediate concerns.
Notice how releasing mental control often leads to more effective action rather than less. When we’re not caught in anxious thinking about outcomes, creative solutions often emerge naturally. When we’re not defending rigid positions, genuine communication becomes possible.
Develop a regular practice that supports ongoing transformation rather than seeking dramatic breakthrough experiences. Consistency in meditation, contemplative inquiry, and mindful living creates the stable foundation necessary for sustained spiritual development.
The Invitation to Transform
The journey of releasing mental control and following new paths of consciousness isn’t a destination to reach but a way of living to embody. It requires the courage to question everything you think you know about yourself and reality, combined with the patience to allow new understanding to emerge gradually.
This transformation doesn’t promise to eliminate life’s challenges but offers a fundamentally different relationship to whatever arises. Instead of being victims of circumstances or slaves to reactive patterns, we discover the freedom that comes from resting in awareness itself rather than identification with mental content.
The recognition that “you can’t be real” ultimately becomes liberating rather than threatening because it points to something far more fundamental than ego-based identity. What remains when personal stories dissolve isn’t nothing—it’s the infinite awareness that was always your deepest nature, temporarily obscured by layers of conditioning and belief.
Begin today with simple practices: observe your breath without controlling it, notice thoughts without engaging them, question assumptions without defending positions. Allow these small releases of control to gradually reveal the vast freedom that has always been your birthright. Trust that new paths of consciousness will unfold naturally as old patterns of mental grasping begin to dissolve.
The journey awaits, not in some distant future but in this very moment when you release your grip on the steering wheel of awareness and allow the infinite intelligence of consciousness itself to guide your way forward.
attempt 2:
When the Master Speaks, WE LISTEN!
The truth is like rain water pouring over jagged rocks embedded within the mountains of human ignorance through many generations, or iterations of individual self. Eventually, it wears down the rough edges, and creates gentler pathways for future rains to travel back to its source. The impatient traveler thrusts his life, and his body upon the jagged edges, and causes greatest harm, even death, before truth’s essence can heal and transform him. The humbled wanderer, however, bears witness to its ever evolving process of revelation, letting the water gently erode his own rough edges, letting it return to its source within his own being, As I moved forward spiritually in that great summer of 1987, I was still quite new to the path of healing and transformation. I had left my old life behind, and I was open to the experience of spiritual connection, and, potentially, mastery. I had developed quite a meditation practice, eschewing committed relationships with others in order to develop a deeper spiritual reality.. I remained excited about the possibilities for my life, as I had finally made conscious contact with the God of my understanding. I had recently experienced a dramatic, miraculous, healing of my body and my mind, and a new energy permeated my being. I felt like I was finally swimming in a vast new sea of discovery and the unknown, though I still had not connected the dots, or started consciously rebuilding my new self. I could have never anticipated the experience I was about to have, on this particular day, July 21, 1987.
The Master Teacher
“Master Teacher of the Light, Master Teacher of the Light” I repeated within myself several times during an evening meditation, which is a mantra that I had developed to aid my focus for my meditation practice. I was meditating several hours a day, and though my life was bearing fruit from previous connections with the Spirit, I remained driven to find deeper and deeper layers of meaning, and experience of my true nature and being. This meditation was to become Truth’s bell ringer for me. Without warning, I was lifted from my body awareness, and I then had a sense that I now had a decision to make. It was like I was driving an automobile, and I realized that I could continue steering, and heading in my usual direction for life, or I could let go of the controls and experience something totally different and unique. Somehow, through a mechanism still a mystery to me, I was released from the steering wheel of my mind, and my conditioning. There was an exhilarating inner rush whereby I was totally released from myself and what was left of my old psychological set, and my burdens, and my body!
My essence traveled into a great unknown, which was neither light or dark, and it was like I passed through an apparently infinite matrix or structure. I had entered into a dimension of experience where interconnected structures of alive and intelligent energy were manifest. At that time, I did not recognize what I was witnessing, nor did I have the words to adequately represent this web. Later, I was to learn that this matrix was the very collective consciousness of mankind, with all of its intelligence, and its stupidity. I quickly flashed by what was, at this point in my life, that mysterious and unnameable energy, and began almost a half spiral downward, where I came to a place of complete darkness, or, more accurately, emptiness. I felt totally at home here. I felt as if I was in the womb of some great loving presence. There was nothing at all to witness here, at least initially.. Almost immediately, a laughing, happy voice seemed to be speaking to me, or, more precisely, through me.
Messages floated through, like
- “No teacher shall effect your salvation, you must work it out for your self”, and,
- “think no thoughts”, with
- “Follow new paths of consciousness”,
And then, a mathematical formula for re-entry back into the great unknown was given to me. Because of my mathematical background, It was a differential equation that I could understand, and which stated (in layman’s terms) that with the total elimination of the movement of time based thought, the direct perception of reality was possible. The limit, as delta T goes to zero (T is thought as a function of time), divided by delta t (t is time itself), delta is the “change in”, or as LIM dT/dt, as dt approaches zero, with T=f(t). The solution of this equation is the great unknown, INFINITY, or that which I sought. The difference between spiritual being and human becoming took on mathematical and spiritual significance for me on the deepest level. The final messages, however, were two of the most difficult to reconcile within my life, and the ones which remained troubling for me throughout the subsequent years. Finding the answers to the troubling questions created from this experience was to guide me, almost all of the way up to the present moment. First, there is this component:
- “YOU CAN’T BE REAL”.
When it was stated, it was stated through me, with a joyful, laughing voice, yet when I re-entered my normal way of being, it became a challenging, if not threatening statement. To see again, as God, or Truth, sees, I must be mastered by this truth. This statement is so important, I am compelled to supply a brief explanation. The ego is the sum total of all of my judgments, the sum total of my human experience, my acculturation, my conditioning, my separation from God, Love, my fellow-man, and Truth. The ego looks out from itself, and sees everything, and everyone, as if they are separate from its self, while totally failing to see that all that it ever sees, unto eternity, is itself..
We only see what we have created. I only see I, and I is the creation of being conscious. Through this ancient and venerated process I also have created the concept of “you”, as both experiences arise simultaneously.
There really does not exist the “you” that I have formed, my perception of “you” is an incomplete mental creation that only exists in my mind, and which may or may not be shared by others, and most certainly is NOT shared by you. The human race tends to confuse the verbal description (or mental image) of the person with the actual experience of the person, who, regardless of appearances, is infinitely more complex, and worthy of love and acceptance, than the human mind can readily accept. My ego is the sum total of all of my time based thoughts about time based behaviors of myself, and others. If I want to see clearly, I must accept that my main mode of viewing the world was through the ego’s eyes of time-based judgements and the unreality that this creates. To die to this mode of living is to truly be reborn of the spirit. To “follow new paths of consciousness”, while knowing that “you can’t be real” sets up quite a transformational dynamic within consciousness.
If “you” can’t be real, then everything that I associate with “I” is preeminent. Every time I identify with a person, a process, or a place, I have created either a “new path of consciousness”, or I have reaffirmed some older, more familiar, potentially worn out path that I have already been traveling upon.
“I am an electrician”, or
“I am a recovering alcoholic”, or
“I am a son of Beryl and Corinne Paullin”, or
“I am full of shit”, or
“I am a lonely, isolated person”, or
“I am angry with X,Y, Z”,
or WHATEVER I associate my self, my “I am” with, either continues my path in old directions, or creates the imperative to create new words, thoughts, and experiences around a new direction. I could just as easily say “I am no longer traveling old paths of consciousness”, and then STOP thinking time-based thoughts, and rehashing and rehearsing old memories, to create a new life experience for myself. I would then have to trust in a “Higher Power”, “the Unknown”, and the “Mystery” to create my new “timeless self” in each unique moment. Lastly, a most confusing revelation came, as well. I could see the field of energy that constituted my body/mind awareness. I saw embedded within it two almost complete thought forms, or identity forms, which I recognized as two distinct entities. Yes, I had two ‘extras’ attached to my field. I could see, in that insightful moment, that they were not there for my greater good, for sure. In that moment of recognition I regarded these two unwelcome components to my life force as tricksters, though I noted that their presence seemed to allay the feelings of loneliness of my ego, perhaps only because they seemed vaguely familiar to me. They appeared to be caricatures of two unique people. I sensed that I was supposed to let go of these illusions of self, but I did not know what to do. I was to learn later, much later, after my father’s death, that these two tricksters were creations that I had made in my youth in response to trauma, suffering, and abandonment as a baby, and to the influences of disassociated entities within my energy field, perhaps past lives still trying to influence my present life.
. The two extra identity vortices in the ‘human energy field matrix’ that constituted my conscious sense of self did not really ever disappear, they just became unconscious again, for me. I later was to associate them with two trauma inspired black holes in consciousness which my lack of self worth and the fear of death, and unresolved issues from my past, or even past lives, swirled around .. Little did I know that they were to become the most critical components to understand in my desire to form a better ongoing human/spiritual experience. I now understood the basis for the potential for the development of multiple personalities disorder. I saw how the whole human race suffered from this disorder, to varying degrees. Schizophrenia, oppression of others, repression of self and feelings, passive/aggressive behavior, people pleasing, prejudice, racism, misogyny and the like all shared a common foundation. All of these teachings were too much to digest in that moment, in that year of 1987, and for many years to follow. But, this is a true path of humility, to finally see in its totality the shortcomings of the human mind, and to become willing to go beyond it. It was all so fresh and new to me and I was not the best communicator around the experience. I had no one to discuss this earth shattering spiritual event with.. I knew that everybody else would think that I had gone insane again, so I kept this inner teaching a secret to everybody else for many years to follow.
Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. – Howard Thurman
I have always known that there is something fundamentally wrong with the way that we, as humans, live our lives while attempting to communicate with each other. I have not always known what the source of my own disease was, however. My disease of misunderstanding drove me to the brink of death, into insanity, drug addiction, despair, loneliness, and suicidal ideation. My life could only be characterized, by the time I had turned thirty years old in 1985, as a committed search for the grave. In 1987, I experienced a series of real spiritual transformational events, resulting in the miraculous healing of my body and mind. There was such a huge disconnect between the consciousness of the old ways, the diseased, the dying aspects of myself, and a new order of being that was trying to discard the old me. My old misunderstanding of life, and of myself, was to be replaced by another version of my infinite potentiality. It was a remarkable time, and people who knew me then could feel the energy that was bubbling up within me. I had found a newborn enthusiasm for life, living, and a healthy re-integration back into the flow of humanity, Humanity, alas, did not collectively share in my inner experience, nor could it. I traveled all around the City of Portland, much like I did when I sank into its underworld, on my original search for truth. I no longer visited the drug dealers, manufacturers, itinerant thieves, motorcycle gang hit men, or any of the other characters that helped to enlighten me while I traveled the road of darkness. I now met with, literally, thousands of people who were new to me, in a multitude of different group experiences, to engage with and get to know “my people”.
When I literally, and spiritually, came off of the mountaintop on June 22, 1987, an intention planted into my heart was to locate MY PEOPLE. My life had changed, and so did the nature of the people that I was to become interested in , and who became attracted to me, as well. The first of my journeys into my new world was to the nearly week long INTA convention, though I made many other forays into the unknown. On one of my journeys, I visited a crystal store, which was a new-age rock shop on Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway. The owner of the store stocked books which promoted some of the speculative spirituality of that time. Every day, many people congregated at that store. They appeared to be part of a well-meaning group of spiritual aspirants, yet I could not quite grasp the ideas that “spiritual masters”, or even ultra-evolved aliens, were communicating to the human race through these crystals, many of which were originally located in Brazil. Books had been written about them (such as the Starseed Trilogy), and there was a popular, though misguided, attraction to the possibility that these crystals had special powers. Even some of these supposedly evolved people had evaded the truth that their enlightened minds were the source or cause of special powers, and not any objects in the world of effect. I had several conversations with Jack, the owner of the shop, as I visited the shop at least three times to look at books, and be conversant with this “new-age” community of people. I challenged him about selling some of these crystals to naive purchasers for several thousand dollars each. Jack, quite the economic and spiritual realist, claimed that he was only meeting a need, and not promoting an idea or agenda. After all, he is a capitalist now, and he needed to pay his bills. One of our conversations had to do with what our responsibility as evolving, healing beings is to the rest of humanity, which continued to struggle with its own broken truth, as it had since time immemorial. Jack listened with great interest in what I had to say, as he always did. Jack had the capacity to listen to what was being said, acknowledge the person where they were, and point to a direction where they might want to look. In some sense of the word, Jack was a GURU. I was not attracted to GURU’s, however, as my nature tended to rebel against so-called authority figures. My own “Master Teacher”, which revealed itself within me on July 21, 1987, in a most spectacular fashion, rejects the notion that any teacher can deliver to another their salvation. The inner message, received as if delivered by thunder in the silence of my being, was that “no teacher can bring salvation to others, it must be worked out within the self”. There were a few other messages delivered, as well as a few visions, but I did not have the context at the time to fully interpret and understand the totality of its life-changing, life-affirming message. That is where personal experience must rise up and become incorporated within a new narrative, a narrative informed by the new energy, an energy that is more inclusive, and universal in its application. Without our personal story becoming married, as it were, to the new truth, life changing wisdom could not become part of our nature, nor could we become verbal around a new world order that was trying to reveal itself to all receptive beings. I pondered with Jack the possibility of bringing healing to others, as I felt so blessed by my own healing, and I felt that I had something unique and precious to share with the world.
Jack listened intently, as he always did, thought for a moment, then with a BIG SMILE stated simply:
“FUCK THE WORLD!”
I was confused, and asked for clarification. “
Bruce, the world could care less about your healing, and what new truth or messages that you might be able to bring to assist others in their journey. The world, as it now exists, exists for a reason. The whole fundamental consciousness has been established to make the common man feel OK about being less than who they are, in truth, and to limit and control those who might develop the insight to rebel against the established disorder. The whole of religion, and philosophy, was designed to help keep people in their darkness, while telling them that they are on the path to their own salvation through the belief in powers greater than themselves. It has always been about disempowering, and controlling, the population. Could you imagine how the powers of the age would respond if everybody sought for, and found, the Truth?, There would be chaos, and the world would collapse into a form of Armageddon. The world of religion, and this bastardized Christianity that Americans practice, is the ultimate form of oppression. And the oppressed BELIEVE that they are the chosen ones, while they subject themselves to the fantasies and hypnotism of their faiths”. One of his final statements set me back in my chair, and I almost fainted. “The “world” has created its own dysfunction, and revels in swimming in its own cesspool of misunderstanding, and there is NOTHING a sane man can do about it, other than just laugh at it.”
I felt a part of myself feel rejected by his statement. One of my childhood fantasies and misunderstandings of myself was that nobody would/could love me unless I saved them from death, or came to their rescue, so Jack poured some ice water over those smoldering ashes from the isolating fires of the poor self esteem from my past. But, I now felt a resonance with his statement of truth.. I had lived a life of little or no value up to my transformation, and I felt that I finally had something to contribute to the world, yet here was a prominent figure lecturing me to turn my back on the world, and to just go out and enjoy my life, and LAUGH AT THE WORLD. Here is the eerie part: In the spiritual experience of July 21, 1987, when I first reached the “Master Teacher” within my own being, I had traveled, without my body (of thought, past consciousness, etc.) to a place of silence so deep and powerful, and which was subsequently perceived to be the very “womb of creation” of consciousness itself. It was there that I heard my own Master’s voice.
“You can’t be real”
was the message, laughingly expressed through the deepest silence, peace, and love that I had ever experienced. For a moment, I was allowed to “look through the eyes of God” and see that the entirety of the matrix of consciousness of the human experience was unreality itself. All that the “Truth” can do, is to laugh at it, and dismiss it. And now Jack, two weeks later, was parroting the very idea that my “God” had revealed to me. All that I knew was that I was a “guided missile” of the truth, and I was to have many more remarkable connections with evolving people over the next several years. These connections helped me to “flesh out” what had been revealed within myself by my own “Master Teacher”, or source of wisdom common to all of mankind when it chooses to access it. I chose to be silent about my experience, for many years to follow. I carried a grin on my face that the despair of the world could not erase for several of the following years. I stopped “laughing at the world” when my responsibilities to my life increased.dramatically in the mid 1990’s, while, concurrently, my new, more spiritually inspired, persona developed. I was not to live the life of an acetic monk, or live the artificial, though idyllic, life of a member of an ashram. Traveling through the diseased world of form, with one’s need for eating and gainful employment, while witnessing the world’s corruption, its sin, suffering, and dying, tends to distract one from the truth that “all that is human, is illusion”. Having watched for four years the drama that unfolded from within the White House from the Anti-Christ himself was quite disturbing, and shows how twisted human consciousness may become. I am still attempting to relearn how to “laugh at the world”, though my “God consciousness” appears to have dramatically ebbed, at least for now, and all that I can do, many times, is to be anxious, and cry. We are all containers for Infinite Spirit, albeit broken ones, and that can be more than enough to bring a blessing to self, and to others.
All that I can now say is this:
Welcome to the ILLUSION.
Please, enjoy yourself while you are here. Discard all of our knowns and conclusions into the universal dumpster, and live from the state of “unknowing”, where insight and new knowledge may be spawned. There is only one Mind, and it can only be experienced in the “unknown”. Intelligence and its active agent, curiosity, only thrive when one is not permanently committed to a point of view. Changing our consciousness is a natural and normal experience, when we are not suffering under the infinite weight of the oppressive nature of collective consciousness. Drinking alcohol, using drugs, spinning madly on a merry-go-round, jumping out of airplanes, or even traveling to outer space is the expression of our natural need for change. The key is not to become addicted to the avenues chosen for release, for then they become new forms of oppression for our hearts. Permanent release, liberation, or enlightenment, occurs, when one loses attachment to the world of form and effect, its accumulated verbal constructs, and all forms of release, with its accompanying pleasure and pain. If you are not enjoying the show, remember, you are the co-creator of it. Try changing the channel, and see what happens. There must be the DEEPEST of desires to find the truth, and the DEEPEST of intentions to not neglect it in the face of attacks from others. The human “Conspiracy Of Silence” points to the FACT that mankind covers itself with illusory verbal constructs, worships the illusion as if it is fact, and will defend to the death, if necessary, its creations. The Truth remains forever buried, thus, the foundation for the “conspiracy” is created, and maintained, throughout eternity. The truth that I live is the only truth that I can give. I have saved the world from myself, and there really is nothing more for me to do, save witness the suffering of others, and point my finger to a potential new direction for those who choose to awaken. Those that do not choose to awaken, will remain stick figures in other people’s dream of world domination. Hildegard of Bingen, the great German mystic and writer from the 12th century, became ill whenever she did not write. The same experience has become the truth for myself, and, potentially, may be the truth for all of mankind. Collectively, we are terminally ill. Please, save yourself. And write a great story, or book!
Oh seeker of truth, on God’s High Mount you would climb, Though you stumble through the valley’s shifting sands of time. Stop confusing your mind with worn out rhyme and reason, For they are eternally charged by this moment of truth with treason. Oh mental marathoner, on life’s treadmill you just stand, Second hand words and thoughts keeps you life’s also-ran. Forever chasing in vain love’s all-knowing voice. So be still, for with your run’s end, is true cause to rejoice! Oh shadow boxer of evil will you ever tire? It is champion of a dream world to which you only aspire. Stop resuscitating those dead illusions with mental pugilist blows, And reveal a peaceful mind reserved only for the One who now knows. Please wake up to love’s voice, sweet somnambulator, And realize the truth, that I within any image of you is greater, Than any image you may ever form or learn. Your world will then reflect back to you the One for which you now yearn.
Jiddhu Krishnamurti-The Master Teacher Speaks
The following material is for those readers with intense philosophical and spiritual curiosity. In “truth” it may not be for anybody. This post is inspired by my relationship with the teacher, and the teachings of Jiddhu Krishnamurti, and a universal truth forever available to any sincere seeker.
Krishnamurti spoke almost poetically, and at length about the potential for experiencing truth, the truth that comes with the ending of knowledge, memory, and psychological time, or, the actual ending of the ego, or self. He described how the mind fragments into various perspectives, creates a main integrator to keep that fragmented consciousness fairly structured, yet fails to perceive that everything that he sees is his own broken self, Two of his favorite expressions were:
- “the observer IS the observed”, and
- “the knower IS the known”
Krishnamurti died in 1986, yet, somehow, his teachings had mysteriously reached me in 1987, prior to me having ever read about him or what he represented. Saul of Tarsus talked of hearing Jesus Christ’s voice, two years after Jesus’s death on the cross, on the road to Damascus, and this experience caused his conversion to Christianity, and he changed his name to Paul, as a result of this experience. I can’t help but postulate the possibility that either
- important spiritual teachers, and their primary teachings, remain active in the infinite field of human consciousness, or humanity’s morpho-genetic field after their own deaths, or
- this information about spiritual transcendence is eternally available within consciousness itself, independent of teachers and teachings, just awaiting someone’s dedication and commitment to its truth so as to bring it forth in their own unique life experience.
- One is increasing conflict among religious communities, as those societies compete for material and political advantage, and within those communities, particularly the suppression of religious views differing from those dominant in a particular society.
- Two is the increasing dissonance between religious traditions and the discoveries by science, a dissonance that is totally absent in what K proposes as a new sort of religion.
- Third, although it is possible that most of humanity will continue to choose the illusory comfort that comes with the bondage of traditional religions, one can also point out the attractiveness of K’s vision of absolute freedom.
“One is never afraid of the unknown, rather, one is afraid of the known coming to an end.”—–J. Krishnamurti What if I were to tell you that everything that you think you know about yourself is only a theory, and potentially an unproven one, at that? What if I were to tell you that everything that you think you know about your significant other, your children, your parents, and even your best friends are only theories, and potentially unproven ones at that? What if I were to tell you that everything that you think you know about your planet, including the plants, animals, insects, oceans, rivers, and the rocks and dirt, are only theories, and potentially unproven ones, at that? What if I were to tell you that everything that you think you know, or believe, about God, the Bible, Christianity, or other religions are only theories, and potentially unproven ones at that? Truth is the antidote for all inaccurate, second-hand, toxic and limiting theories. Truth is not just for the saints and sages. Yet, very few people have any interest in it, because of the belief that they are already covered by their “religion”, or that only their “savior” has the truth, or is the truth. There are others who believe that they already understand it, or, for others, that there is no such thing as “truth. Sadly there is also a category of human beings who are so absorbed with their material world existence that the search for “truth” never even begins, because it does not sound very interesting or entertaining. One cannot possibly find the sacred, using only the searchlights provided for by the profane.—Elisha Scott So, just what is “Truth”, anyway? A fact might be that there is only one mind, to be experienced in the unknown, yet to the uninitiated, that statement would sound vague and esoteric. Another fact might be that it is up to us to determine what is real, and what is not, yet that might sound threatening to those who cling the strongest to their culturally and religiously inculcated theories and dogmas. Truth is extremely difficult to conceptualize, because truth is elusive, and exists above and beyond all of the words used to chase it with descriptions. Truth is often times best described through our inspired art, poetry and music, where more of the brain becomes engaged to the energy attempting to be shared. But our words still serve a valuable function, yet forever remaining only pointers, or place-holders, for the energy that must be personally experienced, or it will never become psychologically real to the witness. So, again, what is Truth? There is only a “God” when there is no longer a “me” questioning “what is” while still trying to justify one’s own opinions or ignorance. In that silence, Infinity finds its expression, and the observer is the observed. And there is no longer a need, or a desire, to find “God”, for “God” has found “us”. Yet, there is no longer the “us”, per se, only a witness who has been uncoupled from limitation, and no longer tethered to a verbally intoxicated mind. It is in this silence that love flourishes, and moral and ethical action becomes spontaneous and natural. If we remain attached to our minds, with our limiting words and thoughts, we are perpetually stuck outside of the “Garden of Eden”. The Tree Of Knowledge of “good and evil” will continue to tempt us with its fruit, as we judge our way out of heaven from moment to moment. The flaming swords of our limiting judgements keep us forever on the outside of heaven, trying to look back in. Our shame that has been created by our broken relationship with our society, our family, and our reality will encourage us to cover ourselves with the tattered rags of the lies and misunderstandings of others. Our hubris keeps us promoting our own broken vision and knowledge, forever blocking us from witnessing the unknown and the mysterious, thus keeping the sacred foundation of our existence unknowable to all of us. Put that one in your philosophical pipe, and smoke it. “Why struggle to open the door between us, when the whole wall is an illusion”—-Rumi Jesus, The Buddha, Mohamed, and all of the other “heroes” or idols of religion and spirituality become potential hindrances to the truth, if we only follow and/or worship them and their words, and don’t see beyond them to the truth that is fundamental to all of us. Don’t follow the path. Go where there is no path and begin the trail. When you start a new trail equipped with courage, strength, and conviction, the only thing that can stop you is you!—– Ruby Bridges And the real observer, the sacred, can only laugh at the vast matrix of verbal consciousness created out of the disfigured mind of man. None of our understandings of God, Truth, or Love is real in any lasting, eternal sense, no matter how “sacred” the mind of man have imbued those words with, and historically worshiped them as such. In the deeper realms of truth, in the deep silence of the sacred within, some difficult, but transformative truths are revealed. There is no such thing as a “you” or a “them” in any ultimate sense of truth, though as we travel through this strange, wonderful world, we must continue to entertain those illusions because of our race’s consensus agreements that such entities must exist, and that their stories must be honored. Yes, we all must treat and respond to each other as if we are each real in an ultimate sense while we are alive. The truth is that the “self-concept” and the “other concept” are illusions, yet the underlying essence is that which is real, and eternal, and, in truth, the only part capable of loving, and being loved. Yet, those of us who have been wounded deeply, tend to cling the most tightly to our mistaken understanding of ourselves, and the other. When will the vain Emperor within us finally stop hiring the deceptive weavers of invisible golden threads to clothe our purity and nakedness in yet another illusion of self?
Self deception takes on added importance, and danger, in the mirror of relationships
July 21, 1987 Revisited: Finding Truth Within Yourself: A Journey Beyond the Mind’s Conditioning
The search for truth has captivated humanity since the dawn of consciousness. Yet most seekers look everywhere except the one place where authentic truth resides—within themselves. Like the proverbial bumblebee whose body appears too large for its wings yet still takes flight, we too must transcend the apparent limitations of our conditioned minds to discover the profound reality that lies beneath our constructed identities.
This journey of self-discovery requires more than intellectual understanding or spiritual concepts borrowed from others. It demands a willingness to release everything we think we know about ourselves and enter the unknown territories of consciousness where genuine transformation becomes possible. What awaits those brave enough to undertake this inner expedition is nothing less than a complete revolution of their understanding of reality itself.
The Invisible Self: Recognizing Our Hidden Nature
Before transformation can occur, we must first acknowledge how invisible we’ve become to ourselves. Most of us navigate life wearing masks crafted from societal expectations, family conditioning, and survival mechanisms developed in childhood. These protective layers, while serving a purpose, ultimately obscure our authentic nature and leave us feeling profoundly disconnected from our true essence.
The journey inward often begins with a recognition of this invisibility—the dawning awareness that the person we present to the world, and even to ourselves, represents only a fraction of our complete being. This realization can be both liberating and terrifying. Liberation comes from understanding that our limitations are largely self-imposed; terror arises from contemplating the dissolution of everything we’ve believed ourselves to be.
Consider the moments when you’ve felt most authentic, most alive. These glimpses often occur during experiences that bypass the analytical mind—in meditation, nature, creative expression, or profound silence. These instances point toward the deeper self that exists beyond our mental constructions and social identities.
Genuine spiritual awakening rarely follows a predictable timeline or methodology. It emerges from the depths of consciousness when conditions align—often during moments of profound surrender or crisis. The experience of July 21, 1987, serves as an example of how truth can suddenly illuminate consciousness like lightning illuminating a dark landscape.
During deep meditation, when the familiar mantra “Master Teacher of the Light” repeated internally, an unexpected doorway opened. The experience began with a choice point—continue steering the familiar course of conditioned thinking, or release control entirely and venture into uncharted territory. This decision to “let go of the steering wheel” of mental control created space for an extraordinary journey beyond ordinary awareness.
The subsequent experience involved traveling through what appeared to be the collective consciousness of humanity—a vast matrix of interconnected intelligence and ignorance, wisdom and folly. This passage revealed the extent to which individual consciousness participates in a larger field of shared understanding and misunderstanding. Moving beyond this collective layer, consciousness descended into what felt like the womb of creation itself—a place of complete darkness that paradoxically contained everything.
Within this profound silence, messages emerged with startling clarity: “No teacher shall effect salvation, I must work it out for myself,” “Think no thoughts,” and “Follow new paths of consciousness.” Perhaps most challenging was the declaration “YOU CAN’T BE REAL”—spoken with joyful laughter yet carrying implications that would reshape understanding for years to come.
Releasing the Mind’s Tyranny: Beyond Thought-Based Reality
The mathematical formula revealed during this transformative experience provided a key insight into the nature of reality perception. As the movement of time-based thought approaches zero, direct perception of reality becomes possible. This principle suggests that our ordinary way of processing experience—through constant mental commentary, categorization, and judgment—actually obscures rather than reveals truth.
The ego, understood as the accumulation of all our judgments and conditioning, looks out at the world and perceives separation everywhere. It sees “you” and “me,” “us” and “them,” creating an elaborate network of mental distinctions that have little correspondence to the underlying unity of existence. This habitual way of perceiving becomes so automatic that we rarely question whether our mental images of people and situations bear any resemblance to their actual nature.
To “follow new paths of consciousness” while recognizing that our constructed self “can’t be real” creates a powerful transformative dynamic. Every identity we claim—professional, social, psychological—represents either a new direction for consciousness or reinforcement of worn-out patterns. The statement “I am an electrician” or “I am lonely” or “I am spiritual” each carries the potential to either expand awareness or confine it within familiar limitations.
The Hidden Passengers: Recognizing Unconscious Influences
One of the most revealing aspects of deep self-examination involves discovering the unconscious influences that shape our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. During the transformative experience, two distinct “thought forms” or identity structures became visible within the energy field of consciousness—unwelcome passengers that had been influencing my perception and choice without conscious awareness.
These psychological formations, later understood as internalized trauma responses, represented distorted versions of parental influences that had been unconsciously incorporated during childhood. They appeared as “tricksters”—familiar enough to provide a sense of companionship for the isolated ego, yet ultimately destructive to authentic self-expression and growth.
This discovery illuminates how trauma becomes embedded within consciousness, creating multiple personality-like structures that compete for control of our thoughts and actions. Understanding this phenomenon helps explain the internal conflicts many people experience—the sense of being pulled in different directions by competing inner voices, each claiming to represent our “true” interests.
Recognition of these hidden influences represents a crucial step in reclaiming authentic selfhood. As long as these unconscious patterns remain unexamined, they continue to generate the same limiting thoughts, emotional reactions, and behavioral choices that keep us trapped in cycles of suffering and confusion.
The Illusion of Separation: Understanding Reality’s True Nature
The spiritual journey ultimately leads to a fundamental recognition about the nature of reality itself. The consciousness that observes thoughts, emotions, and sensations remains unchanging regardless of what passes through awareness. This witnessing presence represents our true nature—not the collection of mental contents we typically identify as “self,” but the aware space within which all experience unfolds.
From this perspective, the entire human drama appears as a kind of cosmic joke. The struggles, achievements, relationships, and conflicts that seem so vitally important to the personality reveal themselves as temporary modifications of consciousness—waves arising and subsiding within an ocean of being that remains fundamentally unaffected by surface turbulence.
This realization doesn’t diminish the relative importance of compassionate action or responsible living. Instead, it provides a foundation of inner stability that allows us to engage more skillfully with life’s challenges. When we’re no longer desperately defending a false sense of self, we become free to respond authentically to whatever circumstances arise.
The world’s apparent dysfunction begins to make sense when viewed from this expanded perspective. Most human conflict stems from the mistaken belief in separation—the conviction that we are isolated individuals competing for limited resources rather than interconnected expressions of a single consciousness exploring itself through countless unique perspectives.
Working Out Your Own Salvation: The Path Forward
The most crucial understanding emerging from deep spiritual experience concerns personal responsibility for inner development. No external teacher, technique, or tradition can deliver enlightenment to another person. While guides can point toward helpful directions and share their experiences, each individual must ultimately navigate their own unique path toward truth.
This recognition can feel both empowering and daunting. Empowerment comes from understanding that everything needed for spiritual realization already exists within consciousness. Daunting feelings arise from recognizing that no one else can do the inner work required for authentic transformation. If the pilgrim is still clinging to concepts of Jesus, Mohammed, or Buddha as their savior, that is the block preventing further progress on the infinite path of spiritual transcendence.
The path forward involves developing the capacity to think no thoughts—not as a permanent state of mental blankness, but as the ability to rest in aware presence without being compulsively driven by mental commentary. This practice creates space for direct perception to emerge, allowing us to respond to life from wisdom rather than conditioned reactivity.
Cultivating new paths of consciousness requires willingness to question every assumption, belief, and identity structure that has previously defined our experience. This doesn’t mean rejecting everything from the past, but rather holding all concepts lightly enough that truth can emerge through direct experience rather than borrowed understanding.
Embracing the Unknown: Living From Truth Rather Than Concepts
The journey toward authentic self-discovery ultimately leads beyond all concepts, techniques, and spiritual identities into the vast unknown where real learning becomes possible. This unknowing isn’t ignorance—it’s the intelligent recognition that truth transcends all mental categories and can only be known through direct experience.
Living from this understanding transforms every aspect of daily life. Relationships become opportunities for mutual recognition rather than ego gratification. Work becomes service rather than mere survival. Challenges become invitations for growth rather than threats to be defended against. Even pain and difficulty find their place within the larger rhythm of consciousness exploring its own infinite nature.
The world needs individuals willing to undertake this journey of authentic self-discovery. As each person awakens to their true nature, they become a source of healing and wisdom for others struggling to find their way beyond the limitations of conditioned thinking.
Your truth—not borrowed from books, teachers, or traditions, but discovered through your own courageous exploration of consciousness—represents your unique gift to the world. The journey may be challenging, but it’s the only path that leads to genuine freedom and lasting fulfillment.
Begin wherever you are, with whatever understanding you currently possess. Trust the intelligence that brought you to this moment to guide your next steps. The truth you seek isn’t hidden in some distant location or future achievement—it’s alive within you right now, waiting patiently for your recognition.
This is the eternal path along the Universe’s infinite bandwidth.
