Conspiracy of Silence
—-(definition from Wikipedia) An agreement, either formal or tacit, between two or more parties not to discuss some matter nor to reveal any information concerning it, especially in order to avoid blame, embarrassment, or other discomfort.
“Our lives begin to end, the moment that we become silent about things that matter”
—-Martin Luther King, Jr.
Don’t speak, unless you can improve upon the silence.
—-Quaker Proverb
Choose wisely, oh mankind, the secrets that we keep
For by our choices, we may awaken, or just die asleep
—-Bruce Paullin
“If you really, really knew me, you wouldn’t love me”
—Often heard in many recovery meetings, and one of the foundational beliefs behind our collective conspiracy of silence, which supports poor self-esteem, and distrust of others.
PROLOGUE
Presently, I am 62 years old, and I am learning how to live the life of a retired person. I am married to Sharon White, a retired hospice nurse, and writer of the book:
Whose Death Is It Anyway-A Hospice Nurse Remembers
Sharon is a wonderful friend and life partner of nearly 30 years. We have three grandsons through two of Sharon’s children. My writings are part of my new life in retirement. I have recently created a blog, and I began filling it up with my writings on matters of recovery and spirituality. I saw that my blog contained enough material for a book, so those writings are the foundation for this new book. My hope is that through this book my grandsons can get to know who their grandfather really is, what I have experienced in life, and what I now believe in.
I take a deep look at life, and write extensively about it from a unique and rarely communicated perspective. Some of my writing is from 2016 on to the present moment. Other writing covers the time prior to 1987 when I was a boy, then an addict and alcoholic, with my subsequent recovery experience, and search for “Truth”. Others are about my more recent experiences around the subjects of death, dying, and transformation, and friends and family having the most challenging of life’s experiences. There are also writings derived from my personal involvement with and insight into toxic masculinity, toxic religion, toxic capitalism, and all of their intersections with our POTU$. These topics will not be a draw for all people, as such personal and/or cultural toxicities tends to get ignored, overlooked, or “normalized” by those with little time for insight, introspection, or interest in other people’s points of view on these troubling issues.
There also will be a couple of writings/musings about “GOD”, but I try to limit that kind of verbal gymnastics, because it is like chasing a sunbeam with a flashlight.
Yes, my “book” is non-fiction, and is not good reading for anybody seeking to escape and be entertained. Some of the writings are spiritual, philosophical and intellectual in nature, and some descend the depths into the darkest recesses of the human mind. I have included a full cross section of all of my thoughts and feelings. It is a classic “over-share”, and I have no shame in doing so.
A Master Teacher once spoke to me, and said “no teacher shall effect your salvation, you must work it out for yourself”. This writing represents my personal work towards that ultimate end.
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