LIFE IS BETTER WITH YOU
Sharon White, Anne LaBorde, and myself attended the Michael Franti and Spearhead concert Saturday evening. Sharon and I look forward to his concert every year, as he is the musical advocate for all that we embrace with our hearts and soul. Sharing this common theme of celebrating and honoring the dignity of all people, and living and loving life together as one infinite family in God’s Kingdom (No religion necessary, thank you!), is what gives me reason to wake up every day. We transitioned from attending a party celebrating our friends Marty and Eddy’s marriage, and life, to attending the high spiritual/social energy Michael Franti concert at Edgefield Manor.
I cried almost the whole way through this song. The song “Life Is Better With You” was the song I was to play (with Sharon) at Eddy and Marty’s celebration of life event earlier that day. 30+people were invited to their home, to give the couple some social support (it was also Eddy’s birthday). Eddy had been the primary caregiver to her husband for the first three weeks after Marty became paralyzed in his left arm and leg, a direct result of his cancer medication, but now the task was shared by many (every Friday for me).
Upon arrival at their home, Sharon was secretly informed that Marty was using his “death with dignity” option the next day, Sunday. A party celebrating life and their marriage took an unexpected turn for me, and my world started spinning. My friend for 20 years, fellow book club member and creative writing partner with the men’s cancer survivors’ writing group, and our hiking partner left our planet somewhere between 6 and 7 Sunday. His mission was to enter the Mystery, and the Unknown.
The song “Life is Better With You”, should have been worded “Life was Better With You”.I felt like a rug was pulled out from under me. I refused to deliver the song, and sat under their dining room table for a while, watching others give creative gifts to the couple, such as song playing, acting, poetry recitation, etc. The party had become surreal for me, and the whole event felt “out of phase” with reality. Nobody was to know that Marty was dying the next day. We were all supposed to participate in some sort of celebration of their marriage, and their shared life. I was unsure whether to cry, vomit, or run away. Instead, i first sat next to Marty for a couple of minutes, then I gave him “my message”. He apparently did not know that I knew about his decision to abort his mission today. He was relaxed and quiet, and he listened well to me, and to those who talked with him. I was previously told that I was to be included in his final “death with dignity” process, but due to unknown reasons he shelved my support at the last-minute.
I still am a bit confused, and my heart is hurting. Crazy making communication around his “assisted suicide” is understandable, but that still does not protect me from its emotional and spiritual fallout. My stomach may yet lose its contents, but not my heart.
I love you, Marty. If there is such a thing as “life after death”, I hope that it is not only the life that is left for those still living in the wake of your death. My heart says that there is more to life, but my head still lags behind, and affirms that this life is all that there is.
I am missing you. I await the message from the Mystery, from the infinite reality that is Unknown to us as human beings.
