Grandfather Great Spirit Revisited

To feel pain is to be alive, to feel another’s pain is to be human—-Leo Tolstoy

Recovery And Spirituality
Grandfather Great Spirit Revisited
Published by Bruce on October 25, 2023

Like Anais Nin, I am a writer, and an explorer of the deepest, darkest recesses of human experience, in addition to being a mystic, and spiritual adventurer.  I constantly surf the seemingly chaotic waves of spiritual evolution, while attempting to bring healing and balance to my life as I ride my consciousness onto Spirit’s final peaceful shores.

I have been struggling with extremely high blood pressure as of late, even though I have been taking high dosage anti-hypertensive medication.  I also have been experiencing anxiety at high levels, about once a week for the last two months, even though my stress levels are far below average.  Yet my body still is “keeping the score” about individual and collective traumatic injuries that I have experienced over the last 68 years, and these silent, embedded/embodied wounds can often rear their sleeping ugly heads and roar back to life, and severely penalize me, and many,  many other innocent victims.

I have been working on traumatic wounding, and all of our potentials for healing, for the past 7 years, resulting in eight books (none published so far, but the eighth, once an epic book, was edited down from 1150 pages to about 250 by Melinda Copp .  It will be sent to a final editor, as soon as this year is completed).

All of which brings me to a dream I had last night.

Dream of October 25:

I awoke at midnight, with an extreme anxiety reaction.

I was dreaming of being in a car with my grandpa Henry (my mother’s father, who died in 1990). There were two dark, threatening characters in the car with us. I knew that I must confront the two dangerous men, to protect my grandpa. I exited the car, and, in my mind, knew that I must subdue these men, even if it cost me my life, otherwise my grandpa would perish.

The conclusion says it all–I was totally willing to sacrifice myself to save the presence of my grandfather.   Yet, what does the word, and the experience, of “grandfather” really mean to me on the psychological/spiritual plane?

To backtrack a bit, in 1992 , while living in the Rock Creek area with Sharon, I had a most amazing dream, and for me to even be willing to share it with you is the miracle of love, and trust, that I now have for some of our evolving, yet still horribly diseased world (only Sharon has ever heard it , and she had no choice-she woke me up from the actual dream).

In this dream, I was in my grandfather’s home, sleeping in the bedroom that i always slept in as a child.  A “fierce, fiery cluster, or orb, of pure light and love” hovered over me, and though it did not have human form, I knew it to be “my grandfather”.  In shamanic terms, it was an actual experience of my eighth chakra, though, in my dream state, I recognized it as my deceased grandfather.  I was being drawn into his love light, and I knew that, for me to continue, this energy would destroy my body because my body was too weak to support this “fire of love” that came to me.  I did not care, for I had finally found what I was looking for, and I began to rise up, and attempt to join with it, knowing my “body” would be destroyed in the process.

Now, in real-time, in the physical world, my body was shaking and almost convulsing, and, to Sharon, my “crying and distress” showed that I was having a nightmare.  In her concern, she woke me up, and I had never felt so disappointed to have to wake up, as it ripped me away from this most remarkable inner experience.  But the dream carried many fruits with it into the world that our bodies inhabit  (Also, the prayer of gratitude-Grandfather, Great Spirit, Thank You, appeared in my mind and heart back then, as well).  I knew that if I wanted to entertain, or to even host, the higher vibrations of love, my body (both physical body and the body of thought constituting myself) I needed to be dramatically strengthened or my body would literally be destroyed, and this was part of the underlying motivation that culminated in my becoming nearly an elite athlete, by the time I was 46 years old.

End of dream.

(The following paragraph was written in the year 2017, regarding first 1992 grandfather dream)

This whole scenario, minus the 8th chakra understanding (or grandfather’s dream light) played out in my real world.  In my intense desire to finally bring forth my story of hope and healing to the world, the energy unleashed caused me incredible suffering, both physical and psychological, and I knew that I was going to die, if this energy did not get transmitted in such a way that my body could survive. I am hesitant to talk of it, even now, as there is no guarantee that this body of mine is still going to hang around.  Yes, I gained access to an incredible energy field, yet, for over one year, I remained quite fatigued.. But, I know that I am supposed to be writing this account of my 1992 dream, as the “God Chills”, or horripilations, accompany my words.

(End 2017 paragraph.  This energy coincided with the beginning of my writing career- probable causal relationship).

Thirty one years later, after the first grandfather dream, I come full circle to my grandfather. In 1992, I was willing to disappear into the ball of light my grandfather was. Yet, upon awakening, I knew that I was not strong enough to carry that vast, seeming infinite energy of love.

By the confrontation with, insight into, and the subduing of these two dark forces within me, the liberation of “Grandfather, Great Spirit” becomes inevitable.

I now cue in a small part of a transcendent meditation I had in 1987,  My Holy Spirit (more like Sacred Silence) gave to me, for a brief moment, a view of my life energy field.  In it were embedded two “tricksters”.  The “Silence”  just witnessed these forces with me-for we were One for that miraculous moment, but We/I took no immediate action upon them.  I was troubled for 29 years as to what these “tricksters” represented, but I knew that they were not there for my good, and yet I had no narrative for them.   I eventually forgot about them, and continued the process of rebuilding my new, more spiritualized identity, without directly addressing these confusing, ineffable forces, until late 2016.  With the encouragement of my wife Sharon, and best friend Marty Crouch(deceased), and the inspiration of Sheila Hamilton, writer of the book All The Things We Never Knew, I finally began weaving into a coherent narrative the story of the collective and individual effects of traumatic wounding

Dark forces common to all humanity plague all of us, either directly through our life experience, or through our relationships with other members of our family and of society.

Intergenerational trauma (the effects of war, terrorism, murder, religious wounding, alcoholic predispositions, patriarchal-societal dominance and oppression, with resultant misogyny and child neglect, racism, income inequality, etc.) plagues all of us, whether we are conscious of these facts, or not.  We all make accommodations to these dark forces,  and yet those adaptations that we make often define us, rather than encourage us to fearlessly confront the issues, and press onward for transformative change within ourselves and our world.

Personal wounding and subsequent dysfunction and repressive responses through individual life experience (moral injury, abandonment/neglect as baby, ptsd) are dark forces that torment most of us and must be faced, if we are to be clearer channels for healing and love’s intentions.

I am those tricksters, while remaining unconscious, and unmotivated to do anything about them.

I am Grandfather, Great Spirit when I confront these issues, see them for what they are, and refuse to be led down the dark pathways that they inevitably point to.

I get very sick when I stop looking at these issues, and also stop writing about them.  I will be getting new blood pressure medicine tomorrow, to protect the body from the potential for further damage (I had a mini-stroke of the right eye in March, temporarily losing vision,  from heightened blood pressure, and agitation/anxiety).

I firmly believe that as the book is finally published, as I continue to evolve, and as I also write and talk about my insights, the process of spiritual healing will bring greater health benefits to me, and to those inspired to action by all such efforts.

Book #8 is to be called:

No More Turning Away–Breaking The Conspiracy Of Silence

Bodhisattva— After fearlessly facing one’s pain and suffering, the developed capacity to witness another’s suffering, without turning away.