As I lie here on our driveway, and pet and caress our cat Patches, I marvel at the mystery of love and connection, and the diversity of life that expresses it, each in its own unique way.

I also reflect on the life, and the death, of my friend. As of 7:00pm this evening, he will be pronounced dead as a result of a Death With Dignity process.

I still marvel at the mystery of love and connection, and the diversity of life and how life expresses itself.

I also grieve for the death of my longtime friend, fellow book club group member, hiking partner, weekend vacation partner, couples dinner group participant (for the last 18 years), men’s cancer survivor writer’s group member, and one of the very few men in this universe who cared about what I had to say.

The way it all ended still leaves me somewhat disoriented, as if I have been on a spinning chair for the day. This morning was excruciatingly painful for me, as I contemplated our friend’s final day of life, after sharing time with him and his friends yesterday.

I do not pretend to understand this process fully.

I still marvel at the mystery of love and our interconnections, the diversity of life, and the infinite possibilities for its expression.

Wasn’t there any other possibilities? Perhaps a miraculous exception to the rule of life and death? Maybe a redo?

After the negotiations have been completed, I once again marvel at the mystery of life and love, life’s diversity, and the courage that it takes to face our fate as human beings.

Please save yourself,
before its too late.


Bruce

Presently, I am 67 years old, and I am learning how to live the life of a retired person. I am married to Sharon White, a retired hospice nurse, and writer. Whose Death Is It Anyway-A Hospice Nurse Remembers Sharon is a wonderful friend and life partner of nearly 30 years. We have three grandsons through two of Sharon's children. I am not a published writer or poet. My writings are part of my new life in retirement. I have recently created a blog, and I began filling it up with my writings on matters of recovery and spirituality. I saw that my blog contained enough material for a book, so that is now my new intention, to publish a book, if only so that my grandsons can get to know who their grandfather really was, once I am gone. The title for my first book will be: Penetrating The Conspiracy Of Silence, or, How I Lived Beyond My Expiration Date I have since written 7 more books, all of which are now posted on this site. I have no plans to publish any of them, as their material is not of general interest, and would not generate enough income to justify costs. I have taken a deep look at life, and written extensively about it from a unique and rarely communicated perspective. Some of my writing is from 2016 on to the present moment. Other writing covers the time prior to 1987 when I was a boy, then an addict and alcoholic, with my subsequent recovery experience, and search for "Truth". Others are about my more recent experiences around the subjects of death, dying, and transformation, and friends and family having the most challenging of life's experiences. There are also writings derived from my personal involvement with and insight into toxic masculinity, toxic religion, toxic capitalism, and all of their intersections with our leadere. These topics will not be a draw for all people, as such personal and/or cultural toxicities tends to get ignored, overlooked, or "normalized" by those with little time for insight, introspection, or interest in other people's points of view on these troubling issues. There also will be a couple of writings/musings about "GOD", but I try to limit that kind of verbal gymnastics, because it is like chasing a sunbeam with a flashlight. Yes, my books are non-fiction, and are not good reading for anybody seeking to escape and be entertained. Some of the writings are spiritual, philosophical and intellectual in nature, and some descend the depths into the darkest recesses of the human mind. I have included a full cross section of all of my thoughts and feelings. It is a classic "over-share", and I have no shame in doing so. A Master Teacher once spoke to me, and said "no teacher shall effect your salvation, you must work it out for yourself". "Follow new paths of consciousness by letting go of all of the mental concepts and controls of your past". This writing represents my personal work towards that ultimate end.