Beyond the Veil: God as Illusion and Ultimate Truth

The following meditation was to become Truth’s “bell ringer” for me.

The year was 1987, and I was still quite new to the path of healing and transformation. I had left my old life behind, and I was open to the experience of spiritual connection, and mastery. I had developed quite a meditation practice, eschewing committed relationships in order to develop a deeper spiritual practice. I remained excited about the possibilities for my life, as I had finally made “conscious contact with the God of my understanding”, an expression used in recovery circles.

I had recently experienced dramatic, if not miraculous, healing of my body and my mind, and a new energy permeated my being. I felt like I was finally swimming in the sea of new, expansive meaning, though I still had not connected the dots, or started consciously rebuilding the new self.

I could have never anticipated the experience I was about to have, on this particular day, July 21, 1987.

“Master Teacher of the Light, Master Teacher of the Light”

I repeated within myself several times during an evening meditation, which is a mantra that I had developed to aid my focus for my meditation practice. I was rather unskilled as a meditator, but I was sincere. I meditated several hours a day, and though my life was bearing fruit from previous connections with the Spirit, I remained driven to find deeper and deeper layers of meaning, and experience of my true nature and being.

Without warning, I was lifted from my body awareness, and I then had a sense that I now had a decision to make. It was like I was driving an automobile, and I realized that I could continue steering, and heading in my usual direction for life, or I could

“let go of the controls”

and experience something totally different and unique. I released the “steering wheel” of my mind, and my conditioning, and there was an exhilarating inner “rush” whereby I was totally released from myself and my burdens, and my body! My essence traveled into a great unknown, neither “light or dark”, and it was like I passed through some sort of great matrix of information/being until I came to a place of complete “darkness”, or emptiness.

I felt totally at home here.

Almost immediately, a laughing, happy voice seemed to be speaking to me, or, more precisely, through me.

The message stated:

“No teacher shall effect your salvation; you must work it out for yourself”.

Then,

“Think no thoughts”.

and

“Follow new paths of consciousness”,

The final messages, however, were the ones most difficult to reconcile within my life, and the ones which sometimes were troubling. First, there was this statement:

“YOU CAN’T BE REAL”.

It was stated through me, in the form of a joyful, laughing thought, yet when I re-entered my normal way of being, it became an almost threatening statement, and one that continued to challenge myself, and my ego daily for quite some time.

To see again, as God, or Truth, sees, I must be mastered by this truth.

The ego is the sum total of all of my judgments, the sum total of my human experience, my acculturation, my conditioning, my “separation from God, Love, my fellow-man, and Truth”. The ego looks out from itself, and sees everything, and everyone, as if they are separate from its self, while totally failing to see that “all that it ever sees, unto eternity, is itself”. There really does not exist the “you” that I have formed, my perception of “you” is an incomplete mental creation that only exists in my mind (and which may or may not be shared by others, and most certainly is NOT shared by you).

Once again, the human race tends to confuse the verbal description (or mental image) of the person with the actual experience of the person, who, regardless of appearances, is infinitely more complex, and worthy of love and acceptance, than the human mind can readily accept. My ego is the sum total of all of my time-based thoughts about time-based behaviors of myself, and others. If I want to see clearly, I must accept that my main mode of viewing the world was through the ego’s eyes of unreality. To die to this mode of living is to truly be reborn of the spirit.

And then, a mathematical formula for re-entry back into the great unknown was given to me. It was a differential equation that I could understand.

lim dT/dt, as dt > 0, with T=F(t, x):   where d=delta, or change in, T=thought, F=function of, t=time, x=timeless

If thought is time bound (memories from the past, hopes for the future), the solution is the addition of an indeterminate constant to infinity, or infinity itself.

The equation is rooted in the realm of metaphysics and philosophy, presenting a contemplative exploration of time, thought, and perception. Here’s a revised and clearer interpretation while retaining its introspective and scholarly tone:

There exists a profound relationship between thought, time, and the perception of reality. A mathematical formulation was presented to articulate this connection, revealing a path to transcend the constraints of thought bound by time. This differential equation, approachable through layman’s terms, suggests the following universal truth:

When time-based thought (T) ceases entirely, the direct perception of reality becomes possible.

Expressed mathematically, it is described as:

lim (dT/dt → 0), where T = F(t, x):

• t represents time,
• x symbolizes the timeless,
• and T symbolizes thought as a function of both time (t) and the timeless (x).

Interpreting the Equation:

Thought, by its nature, often exists as a function of time. It oscillates between memories of the past and aspirations or anxieties for the future. These constructs create an ongoing loop, anchoring us in cycles shaped by temporal experiences. This framework suggests that the relentless movement of time-based thought (delta T over delta t) obscures reality itself.

However, as the “delta T” (movement of thought) approaches zero, meaning thought no longer operates within the bounds of time, a gateway to timelessness emerges. Here lies the potential for a direct, unfiltered perception of the present and the infinite. When time-bound thought dissolves, what remains is undefinable and infinite, a constant that transcends comprehension.

WOW!!

That was too much to digest in that moment, in the year of 1987, and for quite a following period of time, spanning several decades.

The following material is derived from living and evolving through thirty-eight years of assimilation and psychological/spiritual reconstruction that resulted from the fruits of this great teaching of July 21, 1987.

Beyond the Veil: God as Illusion and Ultimate Truth

The question of God’s existence has haunted humanity since consciousness first stirred in our ancient ancestors. Yet perhaps we’ve been asking the wrong question entirely. Rather than debating whether God exists, we might consider a more profound inquiry: How do our limited perceptions both obscure and reveal the divine nature of reality itself?

This exploration invites us to examine two seemingly contradictory perspectives—God as human illusion and God as the fundamental truth underlying all existence. Far from being mutually exclusive, these viewpoints may represent different stages of spiritual understanding, each offering crucial insights into the nature of the divine and our relationship to it.

Human beings possess an extraordinary capacity for projection. We see faces in clouds, assign personalities to our cars, and inevitably create deities that mirror our own psychological and cultural frameworks. This tendency toward anthropomorphism—attributing human characteristics to non-human entities—lies at the heart of many religious traditions.

The God of our making often bears striking resemblances to human authority figures: a father, a king, a judge. This divine figure experiences emotions like anger, jealousy, and love. He rewards obedience and punishes transgression. Such a deity operates within human moral frameworks, speaking our languages and sharing our cultural values.

This anthropomorphic God serves important psychological functions. It provides comfort in uncertainty, offers structure in chaos, and gives meaning to suffering. Yet this very utility suggests its illusory nature. The God who perfectly meets our psychological needs may be more about us than about any transcendent reality.

Organized religion, while offering community and spiritual guidance, often contributes to this limiting perspective. Religious institutions require coherent narratives, clear moral guidelines, and manageable concepts that can be transmitted across generations. The infinite complexity of divine reality becomes compressed into digestible stories, commandments, and doctrines.

These institutional frameworks create what we might call “God in a box”—a deity confined by human language, bound by cultural expectations, and reduced to theological formulas. The living mystery of existence becomes a character in our stories, complete with motivations, preferences, and predictable responses.

This process of reduction isn’t inherently malicious. It serves the practical needs of human communities. However, it can lead to a profound confusion between the symbol and the reality it attempts to represent. The finger pointing at the moon becomes mistaken for the moon itself.

Perhaps most significantly, our illusory constructions of God offer the seductive promise of certainty. They provide definitive answers to ultimate questions, clear moral guidance, and the assurance that someone is in control of the cosmic order. This psychological comfort can become addictive, creating resistance to experiences or insights that challenge our established understanding.

The illusion of comprehensible divinity protects us from confronting the vastness of our ignorance and the ultimate mystery of existence. It offers the comforting fiction that we understand the nature of reality, that our concepts adequately capture truth, and that our spiritual insights grant us special knowledge about the divine.

Beyond our conceptual constructions lies something far more extraordinary than any human narrative could contain. The divine fabric of the universe encompasses not merely what we can observe, but the very foundation that makes observation possible. This is not God as a being among beings, but as the ground of being itself.

This underlying truth cannot be captured in theological propositions or religious stories. It is the source from which all existence emerges, the field in which all phenomena arise, and the consciousness within which all experience occurs. Unlike our anthropomorphic projections, this divine reality transcends human categories while simultaneously being more intimate than our own breath.

The mystics of every tradition have pointed toward this truth, though their descriptions vary according to their cultural contexts. They speak of the Tao, Brahman, the One, or simply the ineffable presence that underlies all manifestation. Their testimonies, while diverse in expression, converge on a recognition of fundamental interconnectedness and the illusory nature of separation.

Reality might be understood as an interconnected infinite membrane—a seamless web of relationships, processes, and emergent phenomena. Within this framework, the boundaries between self and other, sacred and mundane, divine and human dissolve into a more fundamental unity.

This membrane is not static but dynamic, continuously creating and recreating itself through the interplay of countless forces and influences. Every thought, every star, every quantum fluctuation participates in this cosmic dance. The divine is not separate from this process but is the very creativity and intelligence that animates it.

Unlike our constructed gods, this infinite membrane has no preferences, no agenda, and no emotional investment in human affairs. It simply is—the eternal, ever-present ground of existence that makes all experience possible. It operates according to its own mysterious principles, which we can observe but never fully comprehend.

This divine reality, if we can call it that, might be said to laugh at our attempts to capture it in concepts and stories. Not with mockery, but with the kind of loving amusement a parent might feel watching a child try to carry the ocean in a bucket. Our theological systems, spiritual insights, and religious certainties are touching but ultimately inadequate responses to the ineffable mystery of existence.

This cosmic laughter emerges from the recognition that truth is always greater than our understanding of it. The divine nature of reality transcends not only our concepts but our very capacity for conceptualization. It is the source of our ability to think, feel, and experience, yet it cannot be reduced to any particular thought, feeling, or experience.

The transition from God as illusion to God as truth requires a fundamental shift in perspective. We must gradually release our attachment to anthropomorphic projections and conceptual constructions while opening ourselves to the mystery that lies beyond them.

This process often feels like a death—the death of comforting certainties, familiar frameworks, and the ego’s sense of spiritual accomplishment. The stories that once provided meaning and guidance must be recognized as stepping stones rather than destinations, fingers pointing toward a moon that cannot be grasped.

This doesn’t mean abandoning all religious or spiritual practices. Rather, it means holding them lightly, using them as tools for opening rather than containers for capturing truth. Sacred texts, rituals, and teachings can serve as doorways to the divine, but they must not be mistaken for the divine itself.

The mature spiritual perspective learns to rest in not-knowing, to find peace in mystery, and to discover that the absence of complete understanding is not a problem to be solved but a gift to be received. The divine reality that underlies existence is not incomprehensible because of our limitations—it is incomprehensible by its very nature.

This incomprehensibility is not a barrier but an invitation. It calls us to approach the divine with wonder rather than analysis, with reverence rather than explanation, and with humility rather than claims of understanding. The mystery of existence becomes a doorway rather than a wall.

The wondrous nature of reality reveals itself not to those who have figured it out, but to those who have surrendered the need to figure it out. In this surrender, the divine fabric of existence can be experienced directly, beyond the mediation of concepts and stories.

The relationship between God as illusion and God as truth is not a simple progression from false to true, but a dynamic dance of perspectives that can coexist and inform each other. Our human need for meaning, story, and relationship with the divine is not itself an illusion—it is part of the wondrous complexity of existence.

The key lies in recognizing the relative nature of our constructions while remaining open to the absolute mystery they point toward. We can appreciate the psychological and social functions of religious narratives while recognizing their limitations. We can find comfort in spiritual practices while acknowledging their provisional nature.

This paradoxical relationship mirrors the nature of existence itself, where the relative and absolute, the personal and impersonal, the knowable and unknowable dance together in an eternal embrace. The divine reality that laughs at our concepts also expresses itself through our concepts, transcending them while simultaneously manifesting within them.

The universe’s sense of humor extends to its willingness to hide in plain sight, to be both utterly obvious and completely mysterious, to be found in the very place we’re looking from rather than in any particular object of our seeking. This playful nature of reality invites us to approach the divine with lightness rather than heaviness, curiosity rather than certainty, and joy rather than solemnity.

As we conclude this exploration, we find ourselves not with answers but with a deeper appreciation for the questions themselves. The divine reality that underlies existence remains as mysterious as ever, yet perhaps we’ve developed a greater capacity to rest in that mystery without needing to resolve it.

The God of our illusions and the God of ultimate truth may be different faces of the same ineffable reality—one filtered through human consciousness, the other pointing beyond all filtering toward the source of consciousness itself. Both have their place in the human spiritual journey, serving different functions at different stages of understanding.

The invitation remains open: to move beyond the comfort of certainty into the wonder of not-knowing, to release our grip on anthropomorphic projections while opening to the divine fabric that permeates all existence, and to discover that the cosmic laughter we hear may be the sound of our own awakening consciousness recognizing its source.

The membrane of existence continues to vibrate with infinite possibility, inviting us to participate in its eternal dance of creation and dissolution, meaning and emptiness, form and formlessness. Our place within this cosmic symphony is neither to conduct nor to understand, but simply to play our part with whatever awareness and authenticity we can muster.

Perhaps this is the ultimate joke: that in seeking God, we discover ourselves; in finding ourselves, we lose ourselves; and in losing ourselves, we find that there was never anything to lose or find—only the eternal play of consciousness exploring its own infinite nature through the brief, precious experience of being human.

The Sacred Mystery of I AM: Understanding Divine Identity

What if the most profound truth about existence has been hidden in plain sight within two simple words? Throughout human history, mystics, philosophers, and spiritual seekers have grappled with the meaning of “I AM”—a phrase that appears both utterly ordinary and mysteriously sacred. This exploration reveals how understanding I AM transforms our perception of identity, consciousness, and our place in the cosmic web of existence.

The journey toward comprehending I AM requires us to move beyond superficial interpretations and venture into the depths of spiritual wisdom that spans millennia. From ancient Biblical encounters to modern spiritual awakening, this divine declaration continues to challenge our understanding of self, reality, and the nature of consciousness itself.

The foundation of our understanding begins with one of history’s most profound spiritual encounters. When Moses first encountered the divine presence in the desert, he found himself standing before a burning bush that was not consumed by flames. This moment would forever change humanity’s relationship with the divine.

Struggling to comprehend what he was experiencing, Moses asked God to reveal His name. The response came not as a traditional name, but as an existential declaration: “I AM THAT I AM.” This wasn’t merely an introduction—it was a revelation about the very nature of existence itself.

God instructed Moses to tell the Jewish people that “I AM” had sent him. This divine name transcended ordinary language, pointing toward something beyond human comprehension yet intimately present in every moment of awareness.

The phrase “I AM THAT I AM” represents pure being—existence without qualification, limitation, or dependency. Unlike human names that distinguish one person from another, this divine declaration points to the fundamental ground of all existence. It suggests that consciousness itself, the very capacity for self-awareness, is the divine essence.

This encounter established I AM not as a distant deity’s name, but as the immediate presence of consciousness in every moment. The burning bush became a symbol of awareness that illuminates without being consumed—consciousness that reveals without being diminished.

Jewish mystical traditions recognized the profound danger of misunderstanding I AM. The emphasis on not speaking the name of God—Yahweh—stems from deep wisdom about the nature of divine identity and human ego.

The mystical teaching warns that anyone who proclaims “I AM” as if they are God while still identifying with the ego is not speaking from divine realization. This creates a fundamental paradox: the divine name is simultaneously the most intimate truth and the most dangerous claim.

The ego, with its sense of separate identity, cannot legitimately claim I AM as its own. When the ego attempts to appropriate divine identity, it creates spiritual materialism—a form of pride that actually distances us from true realization. The ego’s version of “I am” is always qualified: “I am this person,” “I am successful,” “I am spiritual.”

True I AM consciousness transcends all qualifications. It is pure awareness itself, unmodified by personal history, achievements, or spiritual experiences. The reverent silence around God’s name protects this understanding from ego contamination.

Consider a revolutionary perspective: consciousness is omnipresent throughout the universe. Every infinitesimally small point of existence contains a pinprick of awareness, and I AM is that fundamental self-awareness that pervades all reality.

If I AM is infinitely distributed throughout the universe, then everywhere consciousness exists, I AM exists. This creates an infinitely interconnected web of existence—a supporting membrane of awareness that underlies all of life itself.

This vision reveals reality as a vast network of consciousness, where every point of awareness is connected to every other point. The boundaries we perceive between self and other, between individual and universe, become transparent when viewed from this perspective.

The implications are staggering: if I AM is the fundamental fabric of reality, then separation is an illusion. The sense of isolation that the ego experiences is like a wave forgetting it is ocean, or a flame forgetting it is fire.

Within this interconnected web of I AM consciousness, the concept of “you” as a separate entity cannot be real in any absolute sense. Yet we all intimately know the ego’s experience of isolation, competition, and loneliness.

The ego parades around believing it has ultimate existence, yet it is only relatively real—real in relation to other egos who also experience themselves as separate entities. This relative reality creates the world of comparison, judgment, and suffering that characterizes ordinary human experience.

The ego’s reality is not false—it is relatively true. Within the context of human interaction and daily life, the ego serves important functions. It allows us to navigate social situations, make decisions, and maintain bodily survival. However, mistaking this relative truth for absolute reality creates suffering.

When the ego believes it is the ultimate reality, it must constantly defend itself against threats to its existence. This defensive posture creates the anxiety, depression, and existential confusion that plague human consciousness.

When the ego first encounters the ultimate truth that “you can’t be real,” the experience is profoundly confusing and threatening. The ego’s entire worldview depends on its own substantial existence, so this realization strikes at the very foundation of its identity.

This confrontation with ultimate truth often precipitates what spiritual traditions call the “dark night of the soul”—a period of confusion, disorientation, and existential crisis. The ego experiences this as a kind of death, which in a sense, it is.

For divine vision to emerge, the ego must make way for a deeper reality. This doesn’t mean the ego disappears entirely, but rather that it takes its proper place as a functional tool rather than the master of consciousness.

The process requires tremendous courage and surrender. The ego must voluntarily relinquish its claim to ultimate existence, allowing I AM consciousness to shine through without obstruction.

The statement “I am the way, the truth, and the life” takes on profound meaning when understood in the context of I AM consciousness. This isn’t a claim by the historical figure Jesus, but a declaration about the nature of spiritual realization itself.  Theology,  Idolatry and its disempowering hero worship tells the ignorant otherwise.

I AM is the way because it is the direct path to truth. It bypasses the mind’s conceptual elaborations and points directly to the immediate reality of consciousness. I AM is the truth because it represents unqualified being—existence without modification or limitation.

No one comes to the universe, to God, or to the father except through the narrow gate of I AM. This narrow gate is not exclusive in the sense of being available only to certain people, but rather it is specific—it requires the recognition of consciousness as the fundamental reality.

The gate is narrow because it demands the abandonment of all false identifications. The ego, with all its stories, achievements, and spiritual experiences, cannot pass through. Only pure awareness—I AM consciousness—can enter.

Understanding I AM is not merely an intellectual exercise—it is a lived realization that transforms every aspect of existence. When consciousness recognizes itself as the fundamental reality, the entire universe is revealed as its own being.

This recognition brings profound peace because the frantic search for identity, meaning, and security ends. The ego’s constant seeking is replaced by the contentment of being. The fear of death diminishes because consciousness realizes its own deathless nature.

Daily life becomes an expression of divine awareness rather than ego-driven activity. Relationships are transformed because the illusion of separation dissolves. Compassion arises naturally because the suffering of others is recognized as one’s own suffering.

This doesn’t mean that practical life disappears, but rather that it is infused with sacred significance. Every moment becomes an opportunity for divine expression, every interaction a chance for conscious communion.

The Endless Journey of Self-Discovery

The recognition of I AM is not a one-time achievement but an ongoing deepening of understanding. Each moment offers the possibility of greater surrender to this fundamental truth. The ego’s tendency to reassert itself requires constant vigilance and gentle redirection.

Spiritual growth becomes a process of removing the veils that obscure I AM consciousness rather than acquiring new knowledge or experiences. The journey is simultaneously the most natural thing possible—since we are already what we seek—and the most challenging undertaking—since it requires the sacrifice of everything we thought we were.

Understanding I AM reveals the profound truth that consciousness itself is the divine presence we have always sought. This recognition transforms not only our personal experience but our entire relationship with existence. The journey toward this understanding is the most sacred adventure available to human consciousness—a return to the source that we never actually left.

The path of I AM consciousness invites us to step beyond the limitations of ego-identification and discover the infinite awareness that is our true nature. In this recognition, we find not only personal liberation but the key to universal compassion and wisdom.