Insight, Black Holes and White Light

.Know thyself, and thou will know the Universe, and the Gods-—Attributed to Plato, and also to the Oracle at Delphi

All that we now see, and will ever see, unto eternity, is our Self.

And, how does one eliminate the causes, within our consciousness, of the emotional and spiritual equivalents of the auto-immune diseases within our bodies?

Are the first quote, the first statement, and the question, related in any way?

The answer is a resounding YES !!!! 

Let me explain:

This past Tuesday, I was at a 14 hour spiritual retreat. It was the most powerful and transcendent experience that I had experienced in many years.  The facilitator, after deep meditation and extensive personal sharing, questioned me as to why I did not recognize myself as a beautiful person.  I replied that, though I know of my own interior beauty,  and the beauty of my world, my body now shows to the world anything but that.  I am in my late 60’s, I have psoriasis, skin cancer, wrinkles on my neck that Botox would help etc., so my body image certainly kept me from acknowledging a truth that the facilitator wanted me to see, and of which my wife concurred with upon my return home.

I had long ago left that part of my biological and cultural self that sought a more perfect body in a quest to be attractive to the opposite sex (I am heterosexual).  My search has ended in that regard, with my present spiritual and physical partner Sharon having become my life partner since 1989.   Yet, I forget to consciously cultivate my own love for my body, and express gratitude for the continued miracle of its existence as the vehicle for my own version of consciousness.

The facilitator stated that if I only perceived my beauty to be an interior phenomenon, that I was still just living out of my “head space”, as beauty is of THE WHOLE BEING, body, mind, and spirit, and a reflection of our connection with Mother Earth, and the Universe.  We are all of immeasurable beauty and significance, and these two qualities must forever remain within our hearts, and remain independent of our biological, social, and personal agendas, AND THE UNINFORMED OPINIONS OF OTHERS.   Otherwise, our failure to conform to the expectations of others will create internal informants who become our tricksters, and fool us into accepting disfigured visions, and versions of the innate perfection of life.

Wow, that was quite a call on me.

I remembered the times growing up, when I felt rejected by most peers, sometimes because of my appearance.  My wife reminded me of the time that Marsha Feldman (deceased), a pulchritudinous friend of mine from the 1980’s,  had rejected me as a lover because I did not have the classic handsome characteristics that her spoiled heart had demanded of all of  her previous lovers.  I was not emotionally impacted by her assessment, as I had little interest in sexual relationships at the time. I treasured her platonic friendship, however. Yet, was the indifference that I exhibited, and claimed for myself, only a facade, and an actual manifestation of some deeper denial, self-neglect, or even hatred?

Marsha had the most perfect body, and face that I had ever seen.  Yet, even she was not happy.  She even visited with her Rabbi several times, trying to get at the root of her own unique problems.  She had an auto-immune disease, and wanted her Rabbi to explain to her how she could find God, and be healed of her suffering.  Her Rabbi told her, quite succinctly, that he himself had wasted much of his own life searching for God through the scripture, and through its laws, and he never found the Truth.  It was not until he began an intense exploration of himself that he finally arrived at the doorstep of the Truth.  He advised Marsha to learn about herself and her judgements against others and against herself,.  He told her that she must explore the darkest corners and secrets of her life, her relationship to her body, her friends, her enemies, her family, her loves, her hatreds, her employment, and her connection with Nature.  Marsha had to first see what “God” isn’t,, to find the path to what “God” is.

Her Rabbi stressed that If Marsha was to find the healing balm that “God” could provide,

SHE HAD TO FIRST FIND HERSELF.

The Rabbi’s message is one for the ages, and one for all of us. Marsha’s Rabbi recommended that even though she was not an alcoholic, she should try any twelve step support group, to begin exploration of her life at a deeper spiritual level.  That is how I met her, at the 1987 International New Thought Alliance conference in Portland, at the talk given by the world famous expert in twelve steps work, and all-around motivational speaker,  Jack Boland.  He was a true master, and several years later at another Portland speaking engagement he had the temerity to tell me that he probably knew me more than I knew myself.  He stated to me that I needed more pain in my life, to motivate me to want to dive deeper into my true self, and recovery.

It has taken me awhile, but I now realize that one of the dark forces which had dominated my early life continued to act as a subtle informant to my unconscious conspiracy of silence around my own traumatic wounding, and my, as yet, failure to fully turn the dark black holes of negative influence from those early years into the light of the beauty of an infinite present moment experience.

Something that my mind now tells me now is obvious, was not so obvious, before.  The self-negating fact was so close, and so normalized historically, that I had accepted it, and made it a foundation, or an unconscious subroutine, that supported the incomplete understanding of who I thought that I was.  I have an auto-immune disease:

I AM ATTACKING MYSELF,

through a false understanding of my body and its appearance to myself, and to others.

Should I have known better?

As I am an evolving consciousness, by remaining open to the wisdom of others, my own improving insight is enhanced and supported by other awakening souls and their compassionate feedback.  Our collaborative insight helps all of us to see which part of ourselves to feed and support, or which parts to starve out of our awareness.  Mindfulness and meditation helps keep us connected to the “what is”, and the light of that awareness has the capacity to bring transformative changes to the “seer” and to our “seeing”.

Another great insight was gained through the retreat and feedback process.  While in my spiritually adjusted state (higher consciousness) I was able to see, without judgement, one of my last remaining attachments to ego identification, other than to my body.

It was my body of writing!

The same judgement that I had heaped upon my self for the state of my body, I was also heaping upon myself for the state of my writings.  I saw how I had tried to bring my writings to the world in a way that was more presentable, and readable by the general public.  I had fallen ill to the need to cater to other people’s perceptions, rather than just making my own best presentation and letting the chips fall where they may.  In my most exalted state, I saw that my writings, just like my body, were suffering from an auto-immune disease, the disease where I gave myself permission to attack myself for the failure of my self to make my appearance to others more pleasing.

The related, and parallel ideas that my face, and my writings, needed a botox treatment to be more presentable to others is an ongoing revelation.  Yet, I am in the process of transforming that darkness into the light of the present moment.

It is important that one fact still be entertained within my consciousness:

My body, and my writings, are temporary containers for my infinite spiritual potential.  As such, they were created to serve my Spirit as channels for Its Infinite Expression, while my evolving consciousness and mindfulness keep me focused on that ultimate goal for my human expression and experience…

How do I bring healing to all of those mistakes of perception?  Sometimes, the greatest healing techniques have already been developed, so in this case, I don’t need to reinvent the wheel.  The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, spiritually reinterpreted, plus an ancient mindfulness story, are great supportive tools.

12 Steps Revised To Reflect My Spiritual Experience

1. Through our own extended suffering, we finally found the desire to want it to end. We admitted that when we become self-destructively habituated to any substance, situation, or perception, or judgement and/or lack of forgiveness in our relationships with others, we lose our freedom of choice, bring unnecessary trauma into our lives, and into the lives of others, and, thus, fail to achieve any lasting sense of inner peace and joy. We finally realize that our lives have been lived unconsciously, and have become unmanageable as a result of that neglect.

2. With our new found hope and openness for change, came the desire to begin to awaken to higher possibilities for our lives. We realized that, in our essence, we have an interior, though neglected, power that will heal us and restore us to balance, if we pursue it in earnest. We now realize that we have not been living up to our full potential as human beings.

3. We made a decision to turn our will, and our lives, over to the care of our higher interior power. We become open to the possibility of embracing a new Truth for our lives. We want to access the power to continuously evolve, and we want to cultivate our heart to be more loving to ourselves and to others. We decide to let go of ANYTHING that impedes our progress towards happiness, healing and wholeness. We realize that without the deepest of desires, and intentions, to change our behavior, we will not be transformed.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We have lived a life without a high sense of self-esteem, and we have made unfortunate choices because of the scarcity consciousness that has resulted from it. We realize that when we find the blocks to our evolution, and become willing to remove them, our new found insight will guide our paths with precision to the Truth of our existence. This is our entrance onto the path of mindfulness and higher consciousness.

5. We admitted that we were not being truthful with ourselves and with others, and by talking with another who we may trust, yet not be beholden to, about our errors in judgement and in actions towards our self and others, we can better deal with the shame and self-judgement that so often arises from the deadly secrets that we once felt that we must keep. Just by honestly talking with someone else, our burdens can be lifted. Our secrets need no longer keep us imprisoned, and mentally ill. When two or more people come together in the spirit of truth and honesty, mutual compassion and empathy also become part of the gathering.

6. We became entirely willing to let go of our attachments to unhealthy attitudes, behavior, and people. We wish to see clearly, without the limitations of our past, of our family history, and of our cultural conditioning, with all of their embedded trauma.

7. We open our hearts through humility and the willingness to change to embrace a new possibility for our life. Our new found sense of connection with our higher interior power inspires us to become more grateful for the gifts that we now have, and we are now spiritually preparing to finally give back to the world in a meaningful, positive way. We want to finally let go of all of the emotional charged memories which keep us trapped in a dead past. Rejoice, for the old demons are being transformed into the new angels!

8. While we were unconscious to our higher potential as human beings, we brought emotional, spiritual and perhaps even physical harm to other innocent beings, and we want to try bring healing and peace to those who have suffered from the effects of our ignorance. We realize that through the mirror of all of our relationships, dysfunctional or otherwise, we are granted a view into how we truly see ourselves. We want to see through the eyes of Truth, and not through the pain and suffering that unfulfilled relationships may have brought to us.

9. We made direct amends wherever possible to all people we may have brought harm to, except when to do so would bring further injury to them or to others. Our guilt will not be assuaged at the expense of others. We make full application of our new found wisdom, and our renewed desire to bring no harm to any sentient being. We want our world, and our own personal sense of self, to feel safe from further attacks from us, and our honest disclosure of our mistakes to those impacted by our errors in judgement will continue to support that intention.

10. We continued to take personal inventory, and, when wrong, promptly admit it. We have become honest with ourselves. We practice mindfulness, and continue to develop our capacity for insight into ourselves. We now know ourselves, and we now know many of the potential impediments to experiencing and expressing the Truth of our being. We no longer solely abide in old modes of thought, and now we are more focused on the beauty of the present moment.

11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the Truth of our being, praying only for knowledge of Truth, and the willingness to live within its infinite domain. We now understand that this whole process of recovery is a meditation on life, and that the evolving, healing life that we are now experiencing is our living prayer. Each time we drink from the deep interior waters revealed to us by meditation, more of our painful dreams are dissolved. We finally realize that the capacity to change, to evolve, to grow in our infinite spirit is the whole point of our human existence. We are now traveling upon new paths of consciousness.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we attempted to carry our message of recovery to our world, while continuing to practice these principles in all our affairs. We have finally become whole, and are now conscious, caring human beings. We have accepted full personal responsibility for our lives, including healing our past, and keeping our present balanced and harmonious, and we no longer blame others for who we are now. We are now experiencing prosperity on many levels, and have witnessed the healing of ourselves. We have saved the world—from ourselves. Our life is now our truest teacher. We realize that we have no power to bring salvation to others, yet, it is our responsibility to point to the way of healing for others who may still be suffering, and who may finally become interested in overcoming their own limitations.

I have deep roots, both genetic and spiritual, within the Earth of Native American Indians and their traditions.  Here is a story reputed to be a spiritual teaching of the Cherokee tribe.

The Black And The White Dog

One evening, a Cherokee elder was teaching his grandson about life.

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“A fight is going on inside me,”

 

he said to the boy.:

 

“It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. This battle that goes on between the two wolves is inside us all.  One wolf is Evil. He is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

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He continued:

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“The other is Good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

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The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:

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“Which wolf will win?”

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Wisely, the grandfather simply smiled and replied:

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“The one you feed.”

Let us leave our canine friends now, and have a look at a dream that I had, as a young person.  The message from deep within myself is unmistakable.

At 9 years of age I had a most amazing, realistic dream.  This was during a period of time when I slept very little, as I usually got to sleep no earlier than midnight, no matter how early I went to bed.  I lay in bed and reviewed the day every night before sleep, to see where I could have done things better, or said something a little differently.   My dreams had finally evolved beyond the continuous nightmare phase that I was accustomed to, prior to age 8.  But, being so immature, and not too worldly in my knowledge, I did not have the necessary background to know what to think about this transcendent dream.

Here is THE DREAM:

The priest, having received his directive from “on high”, then returned to his village along the lake in the high mountain region.  He gathered all of the villagers together, and informed them that they were to take every golden figurine, every sacred symbol that they owned, and they were to throw them all into the lake, and never to think about them again.  Then, he told each villager that they must each go into their own home, and face the “evil one” without any protection or care from any of their gods or their symbols of the sacred.

The priest then returned to his own home, having tossed all of his own idols and treasures into the deep blue lake.  He stripped himself bare of all clothing, and then began to summon the forces of the dark.  He became surrounded by a fog, and as he lifted his hands, sparks started flying out of his fingertips at the unknown force of darkness that lay just beyond his visual field, still hidden beyond the boundaries of the fog.   The priest refocused his energy into his arms, and hands, and the sparks grew into a steady energy field, extending from his body, his heart, and his spirit, towards his unknown adversary.  He was determined to overcome this force, this dark energy, and he redoubled his efforts.  The priest’s heart began to race out of control, he began to sweat profusely, and a growing sense of fear and dread began to take hold of his entire being, as he finally understood that his energy could not last forever.  Yes, for him to continue this battle, he must sacrifice all of his life force. Yet, he felt that he had no choice but to keep engaging the enemy, to finally see the face of the force that had terrorized his village since time began.  He desperately strained and stretched to see the object of his fear and disdain, even as the ebbing energy field flowing from his fingertips continued to cut through the fog.  Suddenly, a face began materializing before his faltering gaze.  As he collapsed to the floor, almost drained of all life, he could no longer fight an undeniable truth– the face of the evil one might be his own!

Have you ever wondered what remains when your personal darkness is seen for what it is, and disappears under the floodlights of insight ?

Let us leave the 12 steps, fighting dogs, and childhood dreams for now, and prepare ro take an interstellar, and internal trip.  It is time to explore black holes in outer space, as well as within our interior dimensions.  Remember, all that we see, or will ever see, unto eternity, is ourselves.  With that fact in mind, what relationship does an astronomical black hole, located light years away, have to our own understanding of our Self?

A black hole is a place in space where gravity pulls so much that even light can not get out. The gravity is so strong because matter has been squeezed into a tiny space. This can happen when a star is dying. Because no light can get out, people can’t see black holes. They are invisible. But we can certainly see the effects on the space around a black hole, as, literally, time and space bend around its disfiguring gravitational pull.

The parallels to our interior dimensions of consciousness are obvious.  The black holes witnessed through our telescopes, along with our conceptual interpretations of them, are symbols for what what lies within ourselves.  We all have, or have had, wounds and traumas that have become embedded within our Souls, becoming our internalized “black holes”.  They pull at the light within our interiors, and warp our interior soace/time consciousness away from the peace, love, and innate fulfillment eternally embodied within the present moment. While we remain unconscious of their presence, we become dying stars, as they continue to distort our interior dimension, and, eventually, their gravitational pull will draw all light away from our potential for present moment reality into the dark abyss of our past wounding, traumas, and misunderstandings of our self and each other.

We are the Universe, embodied within the human body.  We are literally made of the very substance that is fundamental to all matter within this universe, as well.  As some have said, we are stars clothed in flesh.  The Universe looks out from our eyes, yet, we also have a limited sense of self which is called the ego, who dominates the perceptual field, obscuring the glorious vision available to all of us until we can finally see clearly.

Never, never, ever forget that our ego is not our enemy.  Our egos were formed as a self protective response to a world that has not yet learned how to love itself, and each other, to the fullest of its potential.  The more we fight this limited concept of ourselves, as ego, the more we revive it with the mental pugilist blows directed at it.  The light of our unconditioned awareness will eventually dispel all darkness, and turn that darkness into light.  The ego actually can serve, through the process of mindfulness, as the midwife to our journey into our infinite potential.

It is possible for two black holes to collide. Once they come so close that they cannot escape each other’s gravity, they will merge to become one bigger black hole.Theories predict that when two black holes begin affecting one another gravitationally, they will begin to orbit one another, closing into an ever-tighter spiral. Eventually, the two black holes will merge into a single, larger black hole, but there would be an incredible amount of energy produced by this merger.   Such an event would be extremely violent. 

Perhaps the spiritual equivalent of the two converging black holes might be a sense of poor self esteem, and an all consuming fear, such as of death, or speaking in public (you know who you are).  It is easy to imagine what the troubled union of these two black holes might create.  Say, someone of a Christian persuasion who suffers from poor self esteem would fear death, because hell and its eternal suffering might await after death.. Here is a potent mixture of lack of self-esteem, and the fear of death, which are two primary black holes common to most of humanity. Another challenging convergence is someone who suffers from poor self esteem, and who is expected to speak in public.  Tbey may develop a stutter, or become so self conscious that they become paralyzed by fear, and mispronounce, or even forget their lines.  Or,  they may become so anxious that they create illness, and have cancel their speaking engagement,

The social equivalent of two black holes colliding is when a mob mind is formed around shared grievances.  The darkness within each troubled person attracts the darkness of the rest of the social network, and this creates the potential for catastrophic events.  The beginnings of Nazi Germany, and even the congregation of Trump inspired militants who ultimately attacked Congress are perfect examples of the compounding of dark energies orbiting each other.  To those who still believe that the insurrection was an expression of Light, it only shows how dramatically disfigured as spiritual and moral beings that these believers have become.

I found that, while I was unconscious, there were two fundamental cores to my personal dysfunction. It was around these powerful cores that the whole of my consciousness swirled around, as if drawn and disfigured by two distinct, though interconnected, black holes of negative influence.  And I found that I was not alone with this spiritually disfigurement.

We, as a human race, have a predisposition towards creating “black hole events” where no light (love, compassion, empathy, healing thoughts) escapes from our consciousness. These events occur individually, as well as during times of collective distress including mass hypnosis and the resultant mob mind activity that leads to wars, genocide, racism, xenophobia, hysteria and fear. These also occur as a result of traumatic injuries to ourselves, as a result of the incomplete responses to Mother Nature’s weather or earthquake assaults, the capricious or neglectful actions of others, and to the inevitable vicissitudes of life.

We, as individuals, have a real talent for creating black hole events within our personal worlds, as well. Our concepts of time and space certainly get distorted, as present day events occurring in our lives get distorted within our minds by traumatic events of our past, or black holes of past influence through which the light of our ever unfolding “present moment of life” gets sucked into the darkness of a singularity point of a traumatic event from our past. We remained tethered to a past that drags us back into the darkness through this very process..

Our minds are the generators of consciousness, which simply stated, means our minds utilize our brains to generate internal feedback, develop and support our own internal self-concept, create internal imagery associated with our understanding of the “outer world” and support our verbal relationships with and actions towards all others. We attempt to match the “outer reality” by forming internal verbal and emotional linkages within ourselves, and this helps us to stay relevant and abiding within some measure of resonance and continuity with our perceived external universe or community that we presently share with others.

This light that we internally emit, and eventually share with our worlds either through action or verbal expression, is influenced dramatically by our own secret, internal agendas, whether we are conscious of those agendas, or not. While these agendas remain unconscious, they become the equivalent to our own internal black holes. All streams of consciousness that our minds and hearts attempt to express become trapped in the swirling vortices of these powerful forces, and these internal black holes continue to influence virtually every aspect of our lives. And, if not dealt with consciously and carefully, these black holes will eventually draw all of our internal light into them, and we become unwitting agents of our own internal darkness.

To repress or deny these internal forces is to continue to feed them. As we get in touch with our traumatic wounding, our fears, our angers, our hatreds, or whatever name for manifesting darkness that we might give to them, it is important to realize that these are great forces, and once they are harnessed, NOT REPRESSED OR DENIED, these black holes will transform and now become the informants for good, while continuing to keep us connected to the real world.  We who have transmuted their capacity to draw all light within our Self turns them into singularity points that no longer suck our light, and they now only draw all darkness away,  The light within us uses these once dark energies for the good of ourselves, and for all mankind.

It was around these cores that the whole of my consciousness swirled around, as if drawn and disfigured by two distinct, though interconnected, loci of negative influence. These dark masses of influence interacted with my internalized,  incomplete representations of my parents, and I now posit that these forces are the precursors to all manners and types of mental illness, including anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, and multiple personality disorder.

My two major black holes within my own internal universe created powerful forces of control, which contributed to my sense of powerlessness, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and isolation. Black hole number one is that my voice will never be heard, and because my voice has not been heard, I have no value. Insight number two was that I must be alone in this universe, with only death awaiting me. Insight finally reveals that these two are actually connected, and are a direct result of failure to be fully integrated into the family as a complete, healthy human being. This formative consciousness is certainly not the foundation for a healthy integration into the world.

These two vortexes drew all of my internal light towards themselves, and by the time that those internal “singularity points” worked their dark magic to their fullness, I actually flirted with the end of my own life, attempting suicide in 1986. Such is the way these black hole events can influence and control our lives, making peace of mind and positive, loving connections with others virtually impossible.

The black holes may remain, even after making profound spiritual and emotional changes. Their dark influence, however, continues to recede, once there is a committed intention to stay connected with insight and spiritual healing, where all true light comes from. As I strive to stay balanced internally, and create harmony with my world, so shall my walk through the rest of my life remain balanced and harmonious, as well. Insight keeps these forces balanced internally, so that the spirit of wholeness within us can utilize our energy in more sane and mutually beneficial ways.

And, for more than one of us, these black holes are eventually transformed into “white holes”, where no darkness can escape, and all of our experience becomes enlightened. We can’t short-circuit this process, by just substituting the pleasant-sounding “spiritual froth ” produced by other great spiritual thinkers, and trying to layer those messages over our unexamined inner universe. That process is now known as SPIRITUAL BYPASS.  Well meaning advocates of this process become unwitting contributors to the repression, and oppression, of the Human Spirit. It is only after we do the real inner work, that these teachers can assume their rightful position in our consciousness, as fellow travelers on the path to Truth, which has no final destination. Our most profound words and thoughts only present the illusion of a “final resting place”, when, in fact, truth is eternally unfolding into each moment as a brand new, unique manifestation.

I have my moments with the “white holes”, and I continue to strive for experiencing this phenomenon with both increased frequency and intensity. A path of insight and meditation is quite helpful, and association with others who share in this new reality has been shown to produce almost miraculous results. If this experience is to become our real new reality, then there is work to do!  Please, let us not rest on another person’s spiritual laurels, or rest in the supposed grace afforded to us by departed saints, avatars, or prophets.These culturally and religiously ingrained beliefs bring great delays in finding our True Identity.

After the death of my father in 2017, I had the privilege and challenge of reading and sorting through a lifetime worth of writings and papers from my parents, and from myself. After reading some of my mother’s personal writings, I was struck by the pain and suffering that she experienced remaining married to my father. He was not a person with the soft touch, when it came to communicating with those that he loved, especially during challenging/difficult periods of life. He was what those in the field of recovery refer to as a “dry drunk”. He was a poor listener, and he could be opinionated, judgemental, angry, obnoxious, overly competitive, and hurtful. He was a member of a huge class of human beings now known as toxic males, and his behavior was to become a major influence for my own choices for how I was to present myself to the world

My father’s death ended the era of subservience to his needs, and the need to protect my mother from my perception of his aggression towards her. It also ended the era of incomplete grieving for my own mother’s death, as I had to immediately support my mentally deteriorating father when mother died in 2009 and I had never completely worked through the grieving process.  I had a major healing event around the deficiencies of my mother, culminating in Spirit revealing itself as my true Mother, and I could finally let my genetic mother off of the hook for her omissions in my early years when she was a full time worker.

I was finally an “orphan”, and all of the entanglements that kept me wound around their lives were now physically removed. With my fathers’ spirit no longer overshadowing my own life, and my feeling of abandonment by my mother early in life spiritually resolved,  I was allowed to develop more fully into whatever, or whoever I am.

For me this was an extraordinary release, because the formation of my sense of self was influenced by parental bonding issues just after birth, and through my first 4-5 years. Being placed on “formula” right after birth, and being placed in a chilly car in the garage at night so that my father could sleep better (I was just another “damned crying baby”) left me as a young being feeling abandoned, and lonely, from the beginning. Though I loved my parents, I certainly did not want to grow up and be like them, and inflict this pain on innocent children. Yet, I was not able to offer to my developing self a viable alternative to being like my father, being extremely limited creatively, and my resultant dull, though at times insightful, personality reflected that darkness. Coping mechanisms such as people pleasing and passive/aggressive behavior became my normal response to the daily challenges of life. Toxic masculinity, or, more precisely, an unskilled capacity to relate to people in a spiritually balanced, peaceful and mutually accepting manner, fueled by a poor self image and faulty perception of others was to become a defining characteristic of my life, especially prior to 1987, when Spirit first made Itself known to me.

I came to perceive the collective impact of male unconsciousness upon my individual existence, with some insight into my own father’s sometimes toxic involvement in my own mind’s formation. I saw that the two tricksters roaming through the inner recesses of my heart and soul became informants to an unspoken conspiracy of silence within me that only apparently gave me protection, though with their extremely limited guidance.  These internal informants kept me from developing with an enhanced sense of self esteem, and kept my greater good as an independent, free human being out of reach for me..  Their echoes resulted in my present day misunderstanding of my body, as well as of my creations, which are now mainly my written works.

So, if all that I see, and will ever see, unto eternity, is myself, the way I see my life completely controls the nature of the life experience that I am having.  If I am burdened by self-defeating understandings of my body, my life, and my creations. then my unlimited potential as a human being will be limited, and controlled by all perceptual attacks against myself.  I now choose to bring harm to no one,

ESPECIALLY MYSELF.

Every new beginning starts with another “new beginning” from the past coming to an end.  Celebrate all new beginnings that are higher, more evolved expressions of the light and love inherent within the Soul of our lives.  The movement of thought as time within our consciousness rarely points forward to the present moment, and almost invariably leads back into the perimeter of a past black hole event.  Thus

THINK NO SUCH THOUGHTS.

Shall we be agents of a dark personal and collective past, or shall we become the luminous warriors of the present moment?

LET THERE BE LIGHT!

This phenomenon of seeing the BIG PICTURE is what the Bible tried to capture in the Book of Genesis.

On the 7th day, God looked upon its creation, and saw that it was good.  God then rested.

We are the Universe, which is now looking out from our eyes, and only sees ITSELF, if not burdened by the concepts of a traumatized ego.

My SELF, which is forever ME AND YOU, and ALL of creation, is the source for healing, transformation, and spiritual magic.

All that I see, and will ever see, unto Eternity, is my most beautiful SELF

We are eternally Creators Creating Creation.

There must come a point in our lives, in our eternal unfoldment as beings of Spirit, when we finally see that all the altars we have built, and all of the religions we have created as stairways to heaven, are all expressions of our own vanity.  When we have finally discontinued even our greatest, most exalted and profound verbal prayers and testimonies to our unknown creator, we have found true knowledge of our verbally limited, entrapped selves, and we can then laugh heartily at the illusion of it all. We can even laugh together at our disfigured concepts of our Gods, our bodies, each other, and the rest of our creations.  This even ncludes my writings, though we might have different perspectives as to why we might find them humorous.

We can also have compassion for those who still suffer under the oppressive weight of individual and cultural hypnosis in this age from which we have all arisen.

We no longer believe in others concepts of God, seeing the concept of God as just another laughable construct within human consciousness.  We see as our Universe has prepared us to see.  If we truly know ourselves, we finally know the Universe, and the God’s, as incarnated as our Real Exalted Self, and as the Self of the rest of Existence..

A Truth guaranteed to get the awakening Ones crucified in any age.  Wow, no more imaginary friends!

I now am at peace. As I think no thoughts about my diseased past, I am free to see the present moment without chasing it with yet more words, especially those under the influence of the pull of black holes..

I look upon my Creation with joy.

My Creation is good.

I am finally at rest.

I Love Myself The Way I Am

 DOWN WITH BOTOX!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M_0GAobbpQ