We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to
say ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’
Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those
people my heroes.
— Fred Rogers
True freedom is NOT about guns, money, or religion as damaged males interpret these symbols.
How much is enough, American male, and the American females who
continue to enable them? Our national disgrace arises from the
collective impacts of toxic masculinity, a topic that does not get
enough attention. Men are still predominantly in control, and continue
to skew the narrative away from the truth that MEN’S ATTITUDES ARE THE
PROBLEM. Our ideas for addressing the problems of gun violence,
addiction, greed, and sexism tend to avoid obvious, rational solutions,
because we don’t want to face ourselves. And, failure to face ourselves
will lead to the same self-destructive end that eventually happens to
all humans, and our attempts at creating and maintaining a civilization.
I wrote this chapter as a direct reaction to my experience of my male
heritage, my experience as a son to a often times toxic father, and
working with many damaged men in the electrical trades and in general
employment. Men, as a collective, would rather have our neighbors, wives
and children assaulted, raped, overdosed through drug use, or murdered
through gun violence, than make the necessary changes to our culture,
and to our hearts and soul. We need more women in positions of power and
influence, and men need to get in touch with their potential for toxic
behavior and attitudes, and begin to make necessary course changes in
their hearts and souls.
The abhorrent behavior of Donald Trump, the poster boy and face for
toxic male stupidity and darkness, as well as his supporting cast of
damaged characters, has become the de-facto leader of the energy of
toxic masculinity. If we as a culture, and me as an individual, don’t
speak out, and affirm to ourselves, and to others, what the truth really
is to us, then eventually the hypnosis and propaganda of others may become internalized as part of our own personal narrative, while also becoming part of our own collective reality. If not properly and consciously addressed, these distorting forces will continue to overtly influence our
personal integrity, community relationships and overall spirituality.
The historical legacy of the American white man’s
ignorance and evil, and his support network of unconscious,
disempowered, fearful and/or cowardly family and community members,
continues even up till today. Women remain the number one oppressed group of humanity, though the blacks/African Americans, native American Indians, and other racial and ethnic groups have not escaped the grasp of white male privilege, masquerading as American Christianity inspired capitalism and politics. Subservient women tend to follow their
husband’s lead, and as a group remain one of the leading populations of
unconscious support for continued male dominance.
Here are some principles of toxic masculinity that I found live in our collective consciousness, and which also lived in unconscious domains of my own mind and heart. I have exaggerated them, and linked them with common monetary, sexual, and personal power dynamics. And yes, these principles, or variations of these themes, are part of the Common Knowledge Game fundamentals for erroneous understanding of self and other. If they appear to mimic some of the values and principle’s underlying Donald Trump’s abhorrent behavior, then you are already paying close attention to our collective consciousness, and its dangerous and sometimes catastrophic influence on the affairs of humanity throughout our history.
- I am the center of the Universe. The rest of humanity is here either
for my pleasure, for my profit, or for my disdain. I may attend a church occasionally, so that I can create the impression that I worship a higher power than myself. But, I already know that there is no higher power but me. HUMILITY IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME, and is only for the poor and weak among us. - Truly loving another human being is a sign of weakness, and thus I
must continue to suppress all such impulses so that I can achieve my
selfish goals. I will carry on a campaign of hatred, judgement, and
condemnation of all people unlike myself, all the while claiming to
represent their interests at the highest level of my being (with
subtlety, if one is of the passive/aggressive nature) . The ignorant
people populating my world will hopefully associate my hateful behavior with their understanding of what love is, thus damaging the hearts and souls of all who may fear, respect, and/or follow me. My schizophrenia will be confusing to others, but may still be normalized, as others that I have influenced model and support my behavior. - People are most valuable if they can be monetized. If I can’t make
money from my relationship with people, then I don’t necessarily need them. They will have to prove that they belong in my life in some other selfish self-serving ways. - Never admit that I am wrong. Always blame somebody else for my
problems. The admission of guilt is a sign of weakness, and only for
those who do not have sufficient monetary and legal power. I don’t need your forgiveness for my mistakes, because, as far as you should be concerned, I do not ever make mistakes. - I have a right to choose how much drugs and alcohol that I consume. I
do not need feedback from others telling me that I am abusing my
medicine and/or alcohol. I have earned the right to drink as much as I feel like, because I have so much stress in my life, and I make so many sacrifices that I deserve an extra break and release through excessive
alcohol and;/or drug consumption. I do not have a problem, and if you think that I have a problem with my chemicals, then it is your
misunderstanding, and not my own. - Never spend any time in self-reflection or meditation. Developing
insight is difficult and time-consuming, and I have more important
things to do I am already perfect, I always have been perfect, and
everybody else needs to change to accommodate my needs. If I am not
“perfect” today, I always have someone, or something, else to blame. - I have a right to use my strong emotions to intimidate and threaten
anybody that I need to in order to get my way. My anger is a weapon, to be wielded whenever necessary, and its expression is my first selection from my arsenal of control tools in manipulating and controlling my world. - If I can’t get my way with another human being, then I will cajole or
bully them into submission, or attack their name and character, and/or impugn their dignity, until they either submit, or are discredited by my allies. - Everybody unlike me should be distrusted. Relationships built
through mutual trust and collaboration can be threatening to my
short-term goals, and should not be cultivated, as only alliances of
hate and distrust are capable of bringing me to my goals. - The women in our lives are more suited to be our personal possessions than self-sufficient, independent people, and are not to be treated as equals, and are better suited for exploitation for family support, sexual purposes and/or economic gain
- If I can’t get my way through truth-telling, then the telling of lies
becomes my most potent weapon. If I am caught in a lie, then it is only
your misunderstanding of my point, and not what I said, that is wrong.
If I tell the same lie often enough, then people will start to accept
the lie as the truth. - If there is no conflict currently in progress, then I must start
creating the conditions for the next one, and socially position myself
so that I can maximize emotional profits and visibility for myself. I never will obtain enough money, power, sex, or attention to keep me
happy. I must continue to pursue these needs to extremes in order to
keep me from becoming depressed and losing my sense of personal value in this world. If I achieve my goals, and I am still unhappy, I must set new goals to attempt to fill that big hole in my heart and soul. - The powers of my penis reigns supreme. When it is erect, it always points me in the right direction, regardless of the people who may be hurt by my wayward sexual desires. My self-esteem is dependent on how many women that I can convince to make love to me, and nobody is immune from my advances. One is too many, and a thousand is not enough, when it comes to sexual conquests.
- I am the king of my home. I have created my kingdom to serve my
selfish needs. If my rules are not honored, and my intentions for the
family do not hold up, and family members start to stray, I will coerce,
cajole, or threaten all wayward members with violence, if necessary.
The family must stay together under my control, no matter what the cost to others might be. - Perfectionism and full control of others should not be mutually
exclusive propositions. I will judge, criticize, and condemn others, and
myself, as needed, to bring all of my world into alignment with how I
think that it should be. I will compare and contrast my wealth and
success with others to establish the best baseline for my expectations
and behavior. My wife and my children are first and foremost my
possessions. I will direct and control as necessary, and nobody else has
any right to criticize my choices in how I provide and care for them
My whole sense of self-esteem is derived by how deeply they honor and obey me, without argument or back talk. I do not want or need alternate points of view, as my view is the only view that is relevant. - If those closest to me engage in betrayal, and destroy my sacred
relationship with my family, I must avenge myself, and destroy all who have threatened my life and values. My wife is my property, and my property alone. If she should ever have an affair with another man, I reserve the right to punish her and my family, up to, and including, murdering them. If I must die in the process, it is a good death for me. - Self sabotage is my unconscious need. It is my right to destroy my
creations even as I destroy myself, so murder-suicide is an acceptable
option in the extreme, when my needs have been dishonored, and I feel that I have no more options to improve my life situation. - I have been a failure since I never measured up to my father’s, my
church’s, or my society’s standards. I will continue to self-sabotage my
success at ever bend in life’s road, and I will see life as a
self-fulfilling prophesy of incompleteness and loss. I will not even
question that my life has other possibilities for it, and I will resign
myself to my depressing fate. - I reserve the right to murder anybody, when it suits my needs to
protect myself. I will justify my possession and use of firearms through quoting the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution, as well as pointing to the fear and threats in our world, and our country as my own justification for stockpiling weapons. I will not listen to reason, as
my mind is made up, and you can have my weapons after “prying them from my cold, dead hands” (thanks NRA, and the late mega-asshole Charlton Heston).
This list is the abbreviated list, as aspects of our collective selfishness
covers the entire range of human darkness. Men burdened by toxicity tend towards sexism, racism, isolation, poor judgement against all
others unlike themselves, and low self-esteem, while men moving towards
spiritual healing tend to unite with others in peace and mutual
acceptance, and a willingness to share an improving sense of their self
with the world.
These Toxic Masculinity Values and Principles underpin much of the
Common Knowledge Game, which is the modern name for the phenomenon of socialized understanding of self and the other. As the wise ones
advise: To change my world, I first change myself. There is terrorist, a Nazi, that lives deep down within all of us. Once we have addressed our darkness, and healed it through bringing our light to it (insight), it loses its power to unconsciously control us. Then, when we go out into the world to subdue the evil that sometimes erupts in dank, dark places, we can fight the actual enemies, and not waste energy fighting projections of our unhealed self. The fundamental oppressive force in the human universe is not our wayward political or social agendas, it is the human mind itself. Be careful in there!
Punch A Nazi Sign at June 2018 Portland, Oregon Rally for Immigrants and their families
By far and away, the majority of the violence against other human beings, and planet Earth, erupts from within the unhealed, unconscious minds and lives of toxic men and boys.
Please, heal yourself, and save the world.
If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth.
- 1 John 1:6 (NIV)
