The Hidden Cost of Oppression: An Intoxicating Cycle of Addiction

The Hidden Cost of Oppression: An Intoxicating Cycle of Addiction

Why do people knowingly take deadly risks with abusing prescribed and street drugs and alcohol, which are well known destroyers of lives? This haunting question echoes through emergency rooms, detox and recovery clinics, community centers, and family living rooms across America. To answer it, we must dig deeper—beneath the simple narratives of “poor choices” or “lack of discipline”—and examine the very fabric of our society. Because to understand addiction is to confront the traumas and mental illnesses lurking within our culture, our communities, and ourselves.

Every day in America, people are born into a culture that imposes unrelenting pressures. We are taught, almost from the moment we take our first breath, the rules of a game designed to reward productivity, conformity, and resilience—however oppressive the reality may be. These rules are not just written in laws or policies; they are etched into the expectations of our families, our schools, and our communities.

Stuff your feelings,

Smile through the pain,

Please others,

Prove your worth,

Judge yourself harshly,

Achieve at all costs.

But for some, the weight of these unspoken rules becomes unbearable. Unresolved family traumas, the feeling of social isolation, and the persistent longing to break free from our prescribed identities create wounds too deep for society’s bandages. Mental illness, whether genetically or cultually derived, become lifelong companions for many innocent victims, often resulting in the dreaded “dual-diagnosis” category of human experience. 

For the vulnerable of society —those most susceptible to despair—drugs and alcohol appear as the ultimate liberators. These intoxicants promise a fleeting escape, a moment of reprieve from a lifetime of quiet suffering.

Through my work with the Trauma Intervention Program, I am called to scenes of unimaginable grief—places where lives shattered by addiction collide with the deathly consequences of overdose. I sit with survivors, friends, and families in their rawest moments, offering compassionate care when words are too fragile for the weight of their anguish. The faces change, the names are different, but the stories often echo the same themes.

For many, addiction is not merely a “poor choice”; it is an attempt to rewrite their relationship with pain. Drugs serve as both the jailor and the key, a paradoxical companion that first promises liberation from their suffering but ultimately takes them hostage in a relentless cycle.

The tragedy, as I have come to understand it, lies in how society has failed these individuals long before substances claimed them. We label them as addicts, but rarely do we ask what they were trying to escape. Rarely do we ask how unresolved familial and cultural traumas might have shaped their suffering.

Recognizing addiction as a symptom of systemic and cultural oppression forces us to confront uncomfortable truths about our healthcare and social support systems. These systems, for all their noble intentions, often fail to address the root causes of addiction, preferring to chase quick fixes instead of offering holistic, long-term solutions.

Consider this:

• The Overdose Crisis: According to the CDC, over 100,000 Americans died from drug overdoses in 2022 alone—a devastating new record. Yet our policies continue to prioritize punishment over harm reduction.
• Gaps in Access to Care: Even when individuals seek help, stigma and discrimination often serve as insurmountable barriers. Many lack access to affordable mental health resources, trauma-informed care, or treatment programs.
• The Stigma Spiral: The societal tendency to shame those who use drugs perpetuates a cycle of isolation, creating deeper wounds and pushing individuals further from hope and healing.

These failures are not merely logistical or bureaucratic; they are philosophical. They reveal a collective unwillingness to view addiction as a deeply empathetic human experience and not simply as a “problem to solve.”

While America wrestles with its self-imposed blind spots, other nations have taken bold steps toward addressing addiction with compassion. Portugal decriminalized all drugs in 2001 and redirected funds into treatment, education, and harm reduction services. The results? Far fewer overdose deaths, significant drops in HIV transmission rates among drug users, and a cultural shift toward treating addiction as a health issue rather than a moral failing.

Similarly, Canada has embraced harm reduction strategies like supervised consumption sites. These centers not only save lives but also provide a vital connection to social and healthcare support.

What can we learn from these models? That sustainable solutions require courage—the courage to confront stigma, challenge punitive policies, and invest in the messy, human work of healing individuals and communities.

The battle against addiction cannot succeed on a patchwork of programs, temporary interventions, or half-hearted initiatives. Instead, it demands a seismic cultural and systemic shift.

Here’s what we must do:

• Reframe Addiction: Treat not just the symptoms of substance use but the societal and personal traumas that drive it.
• Invest in Harm Reduction: Support evidence-based strategies like needldespiteprograms and naloxone distribution to prevent overdose deaths.
• Foster Compassionate Care: Equip healthcare and social workers with the tools to provide trauma-informed and patient-centered support.
• Advocate for Policy Change: Push for legislative action that prioritizes treatment over incarceration, reduces stigma, and ensures healthcare access for all.

The question is no longer,

“Why do people take such chances with drugs?”

Instead, it is,

“What are we doing to create a society so riddled with invisible wounds that substances become an escape?”

It is time to challenge the narratives that have failed us, to speak out against the stigmas that hold us captive, and to demand systems and policies that meet the full complexity of addiction.

To those on the frontlines—healthcare workers, social workers, and even policymakers—I invite you to look deeper. Consider the stories, the faces, and the humanity behind the statistics. And to the general public, I urge you to advocate for empathy over judgment. Engage in conversations about our society’s culture of addiction and ask what role we each play in shaping a world that heals instead of wounds.

Lend your voice.

Demand change.

Together, we can break the tragic cycle of addiction and move toward a future where humanity’s pain is met with compassion instead of scorn.

It starts with a single question, a single conversation, and a shared determination to rewrite the story.

Recovering From Substance Abuse and Creating an Enhanced Life Narrative and Higher Consciousness Through the 12 Steps of Recovery

How did I begin the process of healing from addictions, and finally extricate myself from the trauma inspired illusons created by our culture, families, and addictions? I began practicing the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

In the quest for recovery from addictions, a better life story, or even higher consciousness, many have looked towards spiritual practices, meditation, and self-reflection. One often overlooked yet profoundly impactful method comes from the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Originally designed to help individuals recover from alcoholism and addiction, these steps can also be a guide for anyone seeking to enhance their narrative, elevate their consciousness and make meaningful, positive changes in their lives.

Understanding the Classic 12 Steps of AA

It is important to understand the original framework established by AA, and then see how that simple skeleton can get fleshed out by real life experiences and subsequently derived insight and evolving understanding.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

The Reinterpreted 12 Steps for Higher Consciousness

The original 12 steps serve as a foundation for personal transformation. However, they can be reinterpreted to address broader spiritual and psychological healing and growth, as I have done below. Many people have overcome severe mental health issues and addictions by honestly and resolutely practicing the 12 steps,

Here’s a spiritually reinterpreted version of the 12 steps:

1. Through our own extended suffering, we finally found the desire to want it to end. We admitted that when we become self-destructively habituated to any substance, situation, or perception, or judgement and/or lack of forgiveness in our relationships with others, we lose our freedom of choice, bring unnecessary trauma into our lives, and into the lives of others, and, thus, fail to achieve any lasting sense of inner peace and joy. We finally realize that our lives have been lived unconsciously, and have become unmanageable as a result of that neglect.
2.  With our new found hope and openness for change, came the desire to begin to awaken to higher possibilities for our lives. We realized that, in our essence, we have an interior, though neglected, power that will heal us and restore us to balance, if we pursue it in earnest. We now realize that we have not been living up to our full potential as human beings.
3. We made a decision to turn our will, and our lives, over to the care of our higher interior power. We become open to the possibility of embracing a new Truth for our lives. We want to access the power to continuously evolve, and we want to cultivate our heart to be more loving to ourselves and to others. We decide to let go of ANYTHING that impedes our progress towards happiness, healing and wholeness. We realize that without the deepest of desires, and intentions, to change our behavior, we will not be transformed.
4.  We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We have lived a life without a high sense of self-esteem, and we have made unfortunate choices because of the scarcity consciousness that has resulted from it. We realize that when we find the blocks to our evolution, and become willing to remove them, our new found insight will guide our paths with precision to the Truth of our existence. This is our entrance onto the path of mindfulness and higher consciousness.
5. We admitted that we were not being truthful with ourselves and with others, and by talking with another who we may trust, yet not be beholden to, about our errors in judgement and in actions towards our self and others, we can better deal with the shame and self-judgement that so often arises from the deadly secrets that we once felt that we must keep. Just by honestly talking with someone else, our burdens can be lifted. Our secrets need no longer keep us imprisoned, and mentally ill. When two or more people come together in the spirit of truth and honesty, mutual compassion and empathy also become part of the gathering.
6. We became entirely willing to let go of our attachments to unhealthy attitudes, behavior, and people. We wish to see clearly, without the limitations of our past, of our family history, and of our cultural conditioning, with all of their embedded trauma.
7. We open our hearts through humility and the willingness to change to embrace a new possibility for our life. Our new found sense of connection with our higher interior power inspires us to become more grateful for the gifts that we now have, and we are now spiritually preparing to finally give back to the world in a meaningful, positive way. We want to finally let go of all of the emotional charged memories which keep us trapped in a dead past. Rejoice, for the old demons are being transformed into the new angels!
8. While we were unconscious to our higher potential as human beings, we brought emotional, spiritual and perhaps even physical harm to other innocent beings, and we want to try bring healing and peace to those who have suffered from the effects of our ignorance. We realize that through the mirror of all of our relationships, dysfunctional or otherwise, we are granted a view into how we truly see ourselves. We want to see through the eyes of Truth, and not through the pain and suffering that unfulfilled relationships may have brought to us.
9.  We made direct amends wherever possible to all people we may have brought harm to, except when to do so would bring further injury to them or to others. Our guilt will not be assuaged at the expense of others. We make full application of our new found wisdom, and our renewed desire to bring no harm to any sentient being. We want our world, and our own personal sense of self, to feel safe from further attacks from us, and our honest disclosure of our mistakes to those impacted by our errors in judgement will continue to support that intention.
10. We continued to take personal inventory, and, when wrong, promptly admit it. We have become honest with ourselves. We practice mindfulness, and continue to develop our capacity for insight into ourselves. We now know ourselves, and we now know many of the potential impediments to experiencing and expressing the Truth of our being. We no longer solely abide in old modes of thought, and now we are more focused on the beauty of the present moment.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the Truth of our being, praying only for knowledge of Truth, and the willingness to live within its infinite domain. We now understand that this whole process of recovery is a meditation on life, and that the evolving, healing life that we are now experiencing is our living prayer. Each time we drink from the deep interior waters revealed to us by meditation, more of our painful dreams are dissolved. We finally realize that the capacity to change, to evolve, to grow in our infinite spirit is the whole point of our human existence. We are now traveling upon new paths of consciousness.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we attempted to carry our message of recovery to our world, while continuing to practice these principles in all our affairs. We have finally become whole, and are now conscious, caring human beings. We have accepted full personal responsibility for our lives, including healing our past, and keeping our present balanced and harmonious, and we no longer blame others for who we are now. We are now experiencing prosperity on many levels, and have witnessed the healing of ourselves. We have saved the world—from ourselves. Our life is now our truest teacher. We realize that we have no power to bring salvation to others, yet, it is our responsibility to point to the way of healing for others who may still be suffering, and who may finally become interested in overcoming their own limitations.

The Journey from Suffering to Awakening

Creating higher consciousness involves more than just following a set of steps; it requires a deep, ongoing commitment to self-awareness, honesty, and transformation. Recovery is not limited to those struggling with addiction but is a pathway for anyone seeking to heal and grow.

“Be mindful, oh Mankind, of all the painful secrets that we must keep,

For, by our suffering silence, we will not awaken, but just die alone, powerless, and asleep.”

This advice reflects the essence of the 12 steps—breaking the silence, facing our truths, and striving for a higher state of being.

This practice is a wonderful methodology for developing an expanded and insight filled life narrative.

The Voice For Awakening

Realizing higher consciousness involves releasing attachments, transcending conditioned beliefs, and awakening to the present moment’s beauty and sacredness.

Recovery and higher consciousness are about finding your personal truth and making amends with yourself and others. It’s a lifelong process that brings profound peace, joy, and fulfillment.  And it creates perfect foundations for better life narratives.

If you’re seeking to elevate your consciousness, consider exploring the 12 steps and reinterpreting them in ways that resonate with your spiritual and psychological needs. Remember, this journey is not just about overcoming addiction; it’s about achieving a higher state of being and living a life filled with purpose, love, and clarity.

It is also about presenting to yourself, and to the world, the best possible life narrative.

It is a long, happy life, for those who finally find the fundamental Truth of existence.

  The New Normal of Addiction and Cultural Disease in America (written last year)

In the modern American landscape, a troubling phenomenon is emerging as an insidious “new normal”: the widespread acceptance of addictive and self-destructive behaviors. This normalization is not only alarming but also represents a cultural disease that urgently needs to be addressed.

One of the most challenging aspects of this crisis is the pervasive denial that envelops those who suffer from alcoholism, addiction and mental illness. It manifests as an ingrained societal resistance to acknowledging the gravity of the issue. Individuals trapped in cycles of addiction—whether to alcohol, drugs, or other vices—often remain oblivious to the destruction they wreak upon their lives and those around them.

To these individuals, the concept of hitting “rock bottom” is not just a cliché but a harsh reality. It is the point where the pain of their affliction becomes so unbearable that it forces a reckoning. This moment of clarity, often resulting from catastrophic events such as job loss, family breakdowns, legal troubles, or near-death experiences, can serve as a catalyst for change. However, the tragedy lies in the fact that such moments are often required to break through the walls of denial.

The impact of addiction and cultural disease extends far beyond the individual. Families are torn apart, communities are weakened, and society at large bears the burden of lost productivity, increased healthcare costs, and the erosion of social cohesion. The normalization of these behaviors not only perpetuates the cycle of addiction but also desensitizes society to its consequences.

Mental health professionals and public health advocates recognize the critical need to address this issue as a public health crisis. Yet, the stigma attached to addiction and mental illness often impedes progress. Empathy and support are essential components of any effective intervention, but they must be coupled with accessible treatment options and systemic changes that prioritize mental health.

What is required is a paradigm shift in how we perceive and respond to addiction and cultural disease. It is imperative to view these issues through the lens of public health rather than moral failing. This shift necessitates a comprehensive approach that includes education, prevention, early intervention, and robust support systems for recovery.

We must advocate for policies that destigmatize mental health treatment and make it accessible to all. Communities should cultivate environments where individuals feel safe to seek help without fear of judgment. By fostering a culture of compassion and understanding, we can begin to dismantle the barriers that keep so many trapped in cycles of addiction and self-destruction.

The normalization of addictive and self-destructive behaviors in American culture is a pressing issue. It is a call to action for public health advocates, mental health professionals, and the addiction recovery community to unite in addressing this crisis. Through collective effort and unwavering commitment, we can create a society where healing and recovery are not just possible but expected—transforming the new normal into one of hope, resilience, and renewed purpose.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or mental health issues, reach out to a professional today. Remember, it’s never too late to find your turning point.

THE FOOLS ( written in Care Unit, 1984)

You know who we are, there is no need for our names.

We may be outwardly different, but inside are the same.

Vacationing on chemical trips, playing strange mind games.

Perhaps striving for success, and its dubious fame.

We remain graceless souls blending into life’s darkest mass.

Affirming our uniqueness, though we remain stuck in the same class,

As those parading around like winners, but appearing just like an ass.

Steering clear of self-awareness, Oh our transparency of glass!

Spewing words of wisdom, but with only another dogs’ bark.

Seeking to make a good life, but on life’s script just leaving a shit mark.

We may eventually see the light, but now life is always so dark.

Needing more purifying inner flames, while snuffing every divine spark.

Hoping to someday blossom, yet we will never possess Love’s flower.

While swimming in intoxicating sweetness, and then drowning in the sour.

Never realizing that, over life, we don’t hold any real lasting power.

We avoid the dark reality of our lives, by living in a chemical tower.

. We may bring up life’s rear, though we think that we should be first.

We want all of the best, somebody else deserves the worst!

Our life should be more blessed, why on earth do we feel cursed?

Our dependency creates overblown bubbles, just waiting to be burst! The Fools We Are:  A Philosophical and Introspective Reflection on Societal and Personal Issues

In 1984, within the confines of the Physician’s and Surgeon’s Hospital Care Unit in northwest Portland, a piece titled THE FOOLS was penned—a visceral, unfiltered commentary on the human experience interwoven with themes of addiction, self-delusion, and societal pressures. This excerpt from my memoir aims to unpack the profound and unsettling truths encapsulated in that poetic work, offering insights for mental health advocates, the addiction recovery community, and thought leaders.

“Vacationing on chemical trips, playing strange mind games / Perhaps striving for success, and its dubious fame”

The pursuit of success is a common narrative in our lives, often glorified and romanticized. Yet, THE FOOLS calls into question the integrity of this pursuit, especially when it’s fueled by escapism and a lack of self-awareness. Many people engage in “chemical trips,” be it substance abuse or other escapist behaviors, to mask their insecurities and inadequacies. This raises a critical question for society and individuals alike—what is the true cost of this relentless chase for success?

“We remain graceless souls blending into life’s darkest mass / Affirming our uniqueness, though we remain stuck in the same class”

The poem paints a vivid picture of existential despair and the loss of individuality. Despite our efforts to assert our uniqueness, many of us become part of a faceless mass, struggling with the same issues and vices. This paradox highlights a significant societal issue—while we aim to stand out, we often conform to destructive patterns that bind us together in a shared experience of suffering and mediocrity.

“Spewing words of wisdom, but with only another dog’s bark / Seeking to make a good life, but on life’s script just leaving a shit mark”

In our attempts to appear wise and enlightened, we often fall short, revealing our ignorance instead. The poem’s raw imagery underscores the dissonance between our intentions and our actions. Many of us try to create a meaningful existence, yet we leave behind trails of missed opportunities and unrealized potential. This calls for a deeper introspection and a reevaluation of our life choices and the values we uphold.

“We may eventually see the light, but now life is always so dark. / Needing more purifying inner flames, while snuffing every divine spark”

The struggle between light and darkness is a recurring theme in literature and philosophy, and THE FOOLS captures it poignantly. The notion that we need “purifying inner flames” indicates a yearning for spiritual growth and enlightenment. However, the simultaneous act of “snuffing every divine spark” reflects our self-sabotaging tendencies. This paradox is a powerful reminder of the inner conflicts that many of us face, particularly those grappling with addiction and mental health issues.

“Never realizing that, over life, we don’t hold any real lasting power / We avoid the dark reality of our lives, by living in a chemical tower”

The poem concludes with a sobering truth about the illusion of control. Despite our efforts to dominate our surroundings and dictate our destinies, we often find ourselves powerless in the grand scheme of things. The “chemical tower” serves as a metaphor for the artificial constructs we build to shield ourselves from harsh realities. For individuals in recovery and those advocating for mental health, this is a stark reminder of the importance of confronting, rather than escaping, our problems.

“Our dependency creates overblown bubbles, just waiting to be burst!”

Dependency, whether on substances, people, or societal validation, creates a fragile existence. These “overblown bubbles” are precarious and temporary, underscoring the need for more sustainable and authentic ways of living. For thought leaders and advocates, this line is a call to action to promote healthier lifestyles and support systems that foster resilience and self-reliance.

THE FOOLS serves as a powerful critique of the human condition, encouraging us to examine our lives with honesty and courage. It challenges conventional thinking and urges us to move beyond superficial successes and escapism towards genuine self-discovery and spiritual growth. For mental health advocates, the addiction recovery community, and thought leaders, this poem is both a mirror and a guide—reflecting our flaws while illuminating the path to a more enlightened existence.

If we are to heed the lessons within THE FOOLS, we must strive to cultivate self-awareness, nurture our inner flames, and break free from the cycles of dependency that imprison us. Only then can we hope to transform our lives and, by extension, the world around us.

I invite you to join the conversation. Share your thoughts on the societal and personal issues raised in THE FOOLS and explore how we can collectively foster a more aware, compassionate, and empowered community.

PAIN (Written In Care Unit, 1984)

Growing without roots, with a will that won’t bend, Weathering life’s storms, which never seem to end. No longer waiting for the sun that was once promised to arise, How could truth’s light possibly shine in dimmed eyes? Having reached with futility for all the high goals of life, With no spiritual growth, while consumed by inner strife. Devoid of healing affection, and a stranger to real love, Unrealistic hope was what my failed dreams were all made of. Despair meets each day, summer has now changed into fall, Looking at life, I am totally disgusted by it all. Dying of loneliness, and holding life by only a thread, With me rotting inside, hopefully, I soon will be dead. Pain, Why? Pain and Growth: A Journey Beyond Suffering

**Growing without roots, with a will that won’t bend,

Weathering life’s storms, which never seem to end.**

These lines capture the essence of a profound human experience—pain. Often perceived solely as suffering, pain is an inevitable part of life, yet it holds within it the seeds of spiritual growth and transformation.

In our society, pain is frequently viewed as an adversary to be conquered or an affliction to be endured. However, this perspective overlooks the intricate relationship between emotional pain and spiritual growth. Pain, in its rawest form, forces us to confront our vulnerabilities, exposing the fissures in our souls that need mending. This confrontation, though uncomfortable, is the precursor to genuine growth.

When we understand pain as a catalyst rather than an obstacle, we begin to see it for what it truly is—a teacher. It demands introspection, compelling us to seek deeper meaning and understanding. Thus, pain becomes a crucial element of our spiritual evolution.

To weather life’s relentless storms, one must cultivate “resilient roots.” These are the deep, foundational beliefs and values that anchor us, providing stability amid chaos. Without resilient roots, we are like trees with shallow roots, easily toppled by the first gust of adversity.

Building resilient roots involves a conscious effort to develop a strong inner life. This includes fostering a robust spiritual practice, whether through meditation, prayer, or mindfulness. It also involves nurturing a sense of purpose and aligning our actions with our core values. When we have these resilient roots, we can withstand life’s tempests and emerge stronger.

**No longer waiting for the sun that was once promised to arise,

How could truth’s light possibly shine in dimmed eyes?**

Unrealistic expectations are often at the heart of personal despair. We set lofty, sometimes unattainable goals for ourselves, believing that achieving them will bring ultimate happiness. Yet, when reality falls short, we are left in a chasm of disappointment and disillusionment.

Reevaluating our definition of success and happiness is paramount. True fulfillment comes not from external achievements but from inner contentment. By releasing unrealistic expectations and accepting life as it is, we free ourselves from the perpetual cycle of striving and suffering.

**Devoid of healing affection, and a stranger to real love,

Unrealistic hope was what my failed dreams were all made of.**

Love and connection are the antidotes to emotional pain. They are the threads that weave us back into the fabric of life, mending the tears caused by suffering. Psychological studies have shown that meaningful relationships and social connections significantly impact our mental well-being, reducing stress and fostering resilience.

Anecdotally, many find that love—whether from a partner, family, or community—provides the strength needed to overcome life’s challenges. Love is not merely a feeling but an active force that heals, nurtures, and transforms. It is through love that we find the courage to confront our pain and the capacity to grow beyond it.

**Despair meets each day, summer has now changed into fall,

Looking at life, I am totally disgusted by it all.**

Addressing pain effectively requires a holistic approach that integrates spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being. This means recognizing that pain is multifaceted and requires a comprehensive strategy to heal and grow.

1. Spiritual Well-being: Engage in practices that nourish your soul. This could be through meditation, prayer, or spending time in nature. Cultivate a sense of purpose and align your actions with your core values.
2. Mental Well-being: Practice mindfulness and cognitive reframing to shift negative thought patterns. Seek therapy or counseling if needed to process and heal from past traumas.
3. Emotional Well-being: Foster deep, meaningful relationships. Surround yourself with a supportive community that encourages vulnerability and authenticity. Practice self-compassion and kindness.

**Dying of loneliness, and holding life by only a thread,

With me rotting inside, hopefully, I soon will be dead.**

Pain, Why?

Pain is not merely an adversary; it is a profound teacher that guides us toward deeper self-understanding and spiritual growth. By building resilient roots, reevaluating our expectations, and harnessing the power of love and connection, we can transform our pain into a source of strength and wisdom.

To all spiritual seekers, personal growth enthusiasts, and mental health advocates, I urge you to view pain not as a curse but as a crucible for transformation. Integrate a holistic approach to address pain, and you will find that the very suffering you once sought to escape becomes the foundation upon which your truest self is built.

Remember, growth often stems from the most challenging experiences. In the words of Khalil Gibran, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

If you’re ready to explore this deeper path of healing and growth, join our community of like-minded individuals. Together, we can turn pain into power and suffering into strength.

Pain Revisited

Though the dark cloud looms on the horizon, it is also hidden within myself. It hovers in the distance, just beyond my reach, as it patiently waits for my most vulnerable moment. I then feel the initial mist from its clouds, and I know that I am its target. A piercing wind picks up, hugging me with its frozen arms, and I vainly look for protection.

As the torrential downpour begins, I feel my tenuous sense of peace and safety eroding beneath my feet. It strips back layer upon layer of my consciousness, exposing a bedrock bereft of sanity and hope. Exposing long-forgotten mental relics, threatening old, unhealed memories, and dangerous old habits. Stinging, piercing, hurting me at my core, obscuring visions of glorious, yet impossibly distant futures. Washing away all tenuously held possessions of sanity and hope. Uprooting the feeble foundation of a life desperately, but futilely, attempting to, yet again, reconstruct itself. Carrying a powerless, helpless, desperate soul back into toxic chemical valleys, amid a dark, swirling depression. Ravaging, drowning, then decaying.

Pain, why again?

Pain is often regarded as an agent of pure destruction. It tears through our lives, leaving scars and emotional wreckage in its wake. But what if pain also holds the blueprint for our most profound personal growth and resilience? Could it be that pain, in all its ferocity, is a necessary force, guiding us toward deeper self-understanding and development?

I revisit the concept of pain—not merely as an affliction to be endured but as a catalyst for transformation. By reexamining our relationship with pain, we can begin to view it not as an enemy to be vanquished but as a teacher, revealing essential truths about our existence.

The idea of “necessary pain” suggests that certain struggles and challenges are integral to our emotional and mental maturation. When we confront pain head-on, we emerge stronger, more resilient, and better equipped to handle life’s inevitable hardships. This is not to romanticize suffering but to acknowledge its role in shaping who we are.

Consider the process of muscle growth. To build strength, muscles must first be broken down through exercise. This micro-damage triggers the body’s healing mechanisms, leading to greater strength and endurance. Similarly, emotional and psychological pain can act as a crucible, refining our character and enhancing our capacity for empathy, wisdom, and compassion.

Avoiding or suppressing pain may offer temporary relief, but it often leads to greater suffering in the long run. Unaddressed pain festers, manifesting in destructive behaviors, chronic anxiety, and emotional numbness. True healing requires us to face our pain, to sit with it, and to understand its origins and implications.

This process is neither quick nor easy. It demands courage and a willingness to explore the darkest corners of our psyche. Yet, it is through this exploration that we can begin to transform our pain into a source of empowerment. By acknowledging and accepting our pain, we reclaim control over our lives and open the door to genuine healing.

How can individuals and society as a whole change their relationship with pain? The first step is to shift our perception. Instead of viewing pain as an adversary, we can start to see it as a guide. This shift requires a cultural change, where emotional and psychological struggles are not stigmatized but recognized as part of the human experience.

Support systems—such as mental health resources, community groups, and open dialogues—play a crucial role in this transformation. They provide safe spaces for individuals to express their pain and receive validation and support. As we collectively move toward acceptance and understanding, we create an environment where healing and growth are possible.

My own encounters with pain have been tumultuous yet enlightening. I have faced storms that left me feeling shattered and hopeless. However, each episode of pain has also brought with it invaluable lessons. I have learned to recognize my vulnerabilities, to seek support, and to cultivate resilience.

One particular episode stands out—a period of deep depression following a significant personal loss. The pain was all-consuming, threatening to pull me into an abyss. Yet, through the support of loved ones, I began to unravel the layers of my suffering. In doing so, I discovered a wellspring of inner strength and a renewed sense of purpose.

Pain is an inescapable aspect of the human condition. While it can be devastating, it also holds the potential for profound transformation. By revisiting our understanding of pain and viewing it through a lens of growth and resilience, we can harness its power to propel us toward healing and self-discovery.

For mental health advocates, personal growth enthusiasts, and thought leaders, this perspective offers a path to deeper empathy and more effective support for those in pain. It encourages us to engage in meaningful conversations about our struggles and to foster environments where healing and transformation can flourish.

In our collective journey, may we find the strength to face our pain, the wisdom to understand it, and the courage to transform it into a source of empowerment.

Like Grandfather, Like Grandson?

My wife Sharon and I recently received several phone calls from one of our grandsons, Jasper  In recent years He has stayed in touch with his grandmother Sharon through text messaging and phone calls. To a much lesser degree he has also kept in touch with me.  We have not seen him since 2018, when he came to our house from. California to accept a free used car. Jasper was involved with several crimes, some of a fairly serious nature, while living in California while hanging out with his so-called cousins. 

He called us one evening four years ago, after a  night of heavy alcohol abuse with his roommates.  While playing with a loaded gun. It discharged, and a young woman fatally shot herself. Jasper was already on probation for a felony conviction from a year previous, and now was jailed after calling 911 to bring emergency personnel to the scene, and then disappearing.  He was jailed for over a year, and released to the care off his mother, who lived in Kansas.  He immediately began using drugs such as meth, and eventually became suicidal.  He was forced into mental health care, and sobriety, ultimately taking residence in a local recovery home, the Oxford House, where he was frequently drug tested to check on his sobriety.  He gradually rebuilt his life, gainng a measure of self-esteem and purpose when he finally got a job. 

He moved out from the Oxford House into a duplex with another recovering man, but there were no more checks on his sobriety and he refused attendance at recovery meetings because he did not like to talk about himself with others. He stayed sober, as far as we know, for nearly a year, and established himself as a full time worker at a production plant, with many fellow workers who were not yet US citizens. By the way, Jasper is of Guatemalan and Caucasian heritage, and born in America.

The car that he was borrowing from his mother had failed and he sought help from us to buy another car.  We wouldn’t cosign a car loan, because Jasper was unreliable and often hid or misrepresented important information.  We offered to give some money to him to help with the down payment, which somehow got him into a new car at the urging of an aggressive car salesperson. They figured out he should be able to afford the car insurance and monthly car payments, plus basic living expenses, even though his income was not very high. In late October, he called us, reporting on the suicide death of his best friend Axel  from when he was running with the wolves in California. 

Jasper was devastated, and we all knew this was going to be a dangerous time for him, as he does not process difficult feelings well. Two weeks later, Sharon received a call at midnight, from a Nebraska policeman, who had delivered Jasper to a psychiatric medical facility after he totaled his brand new car, and was found wandering the roads attempting to get hit by motor vehicles. Sharon was sent an email by her estranged daughter, Jasper’s mother Hayley, that indicated Jasper was using meth again, and was psychotic from its use.

Jasper called us two days later, and he was a mess.  He had no memory of why he drove to Nebraska, he did not know what day of the week it was, and he said that he  no longer knew what was reality. He said he was hearing voices, and showed quite convincing evidence of a psycotic break from reality, though he talked with both of us.

I am a recovering individual, and have been in recovery for 40 years.  My relapse in 1985-1987 took me into the underworld society of methedrine manufacture, distribution, and personal drug abuse.  After one year of abuse I had tremors, occasional convulsions, and severe mental illness similar to what our grandson was now experiencing. After abstinence of three months from use, and a full time search for spiritual healing, I returned to a better than normal state, having a total healing experience precipitated by a series of remarkable spiritual experiences. Yet Jasper was never interested in my experience, strength, and hope, only his own distorted needs.

He is not unique.   

Yet, during this last phone call I regurgitated some distressing aspects of my story with him to try to give him hope for his own recovery. Could he even hear me over the internal noise generated by his psychosis? I know one phone call will not get him to recovery, or even give him the will to live again. I had an amazing story for my own recovery, and there has always been little interest expressed by others in learning more about it, so Jasper just continued to reinforce the temptation for me to believe that my life experience and wisdom has little value to others.

Finding Recovery and Healing Through Shared Stories

In the tangled web of family histories, patterns often repeat themselves, leaving us to wonder if we’re bound by destiny or free will. Having been fortunate enough to find recovery from substance abuse over 40 years ago, I now watch my grandson, Jasper, wrestle with the demons of addiction. His recent descent into methamphetamine use and the chaos that follows makes me reflect on my own past struggles. Can my story of healing serve as a lighthouse for him, guiding him to safer shores? This question is not just personal; it touches the broader conversation about the influence of shared experiences on individual recovery.

Let’s face it—stories resonate. They form the bedrock of our cultures, shaping identities and moral compass. My own story of transformation from a methamphetamine addict to a person graced with sobriety has been my anchor. It began in a place of psychological torment and despair, where I experienced tremors, hallucinations, and a profound sense of alienation. Through a series of spiritual experiences and support from communities like Alcoholics Anonymous, I found redemption and healing. But can this narrative truly inspire others to find their own path to recovery?  My message may be only uniquely mine, for no one has taken a healing journey like me, which I had named in 1986 after a suicide attempt

“my search for truth”.

Personal anecdotes hold immense power, but they are not a one-size-fits-all solution. While my story is woven with triumphs and insights, Jasper remains resistant to its lessons. He’s mired in his own struggles—legal troubles, substance abuse relapses, and mental health crises. Despite this, sharing my experience with him remains an act of hope, a way to plant seeds of possibility.

Stories alone, however, are rarely sufficient. Recovery, particularly from substances as destructive as methamphetamine, often requires professional intervention—therapy, medical treatment, and sometimes medication. In Jasper’s case, his episodes of psychosis and dangerous behaviors underscore the urgency for expert help. Addiction alters brain chemistry and behavior, often necessitating a multifaceted treatment approach.

Support from professionals provides the structure and expertise necessary to address both the physical and psychological dimensions of addiction. Therapy can unearth underlying issues, while medication may stabilize mood and reduce cravings. Programs like Oxford Houses offer an environment where sobriety is the norm, yet Jasper’s reluctance to engage with these resources poses another hurdle.

While professional help is crucial, the role of family cannot be overstated. Families offer unconditional love, a sense of belonging, and the emotional nourishment that can catalyze recovery. Sharon and I have endeavored to offer Jasper these very things, even when he was difficult to reach emotionally and physically. Our support is not without limits, but it is steadfast.

Yet, family involvement is not without its challenges. Enabling behaviors, lack of boundaries, and unaddressed family dynamics can complicate recovery efforts. It’s essential to strike a balance—providing support without facilitating dependency.

Some may argue that stories of recovery, particularly those involving spiritual or miraculous elements, can set unrealistic expectations. Critics suggest that they may inadvertently lead some individuals to believe that recovery should happen suddenly and without struggle. Indeed, my own experiences with spiritual epiphanies do not diminish the hard work and ongoing commitment required to maintain sobriety.

Another potential counterpoint is the emphasis on familial ties. People often recover in spite of, not because of, their families. Dysfunctional family systems can perpetuate cycles of addiction, necessitating a careful, individualized approach to family involvement.

Spiritual experiences, familial support, and professional intervention each have their place in the tapestry of recovery. Jasper’s battle with addiction is a stark reminder that while stories can inspire, they cannot replace the structured support systems necessary for sustainable recovery.

If you know someone struggling with addiction, share your story, but also encourage them to seek professional help. Engage in open conversations, foster environments of acceptance and support, and challenge the stigmas surrounding addiction. Most importantly, remember that every recovery path is unique, as varied and complex as the individuals who walk them.

In closing, my hope is that Jasper—and others like him—find their own path to healing. Whether through spiritual revelation, professional guidance, or the unwavering support of loved ones, may their stories be ones of resilience, growth, and newfound freedom.

Let’s continue to share our stories, not as prescriptions, but as possibilities—lighthouses guiding those adrift back to shore.