Part Two-Penetrating The Conspiracy Of Silence: Troubleshooting and Repairing A Broken System

GOING MY WAY?

“Our lives begin to end, the moment that we become silent about things that matter” Martin Luther King, Jr. All human beings need to be in a recovery program, while creating a new story for our self. Recovery from what, you may ask? We all need healing from our human condition, and NO ONE IS IMMUNE from the damaging effects from living in an unconscious world. Our initial stories in recovery will start with the repetition and rehearsal of the painful stories of suffering from our pasts. There is short-term value in sharing stories of this nature, and after a healing period, we should feel no guilt or shame in revealing those parts of ourselves to others. I first experienced long term sobriety in 1987, though I did not have a whole lot to talk about, except while with other recovering individuals. With such a dramatic change of mind and heart, it took a substantial period of time to develop the language to surround this energy with, and to talk about the new present moment experience.. Stories get developed after the fact about our life experience, unless we are patterning ourselves from the disfiguring stories thrust upon us by our families, our religions, our cultures, and our diseases. In these cases, those outdated stories become the rickety structure that we attempt to weave our new life experience around, and thus we don’t really ever get to fully claim, or find our own unique identity, or story. Most people love a good story, and this medium for communication has been proven to be an extremely effective method for the transmission of our wisdom and human values to others.. Even the belief in God, whether or not “God” actually exists, has its own origins in the need for mankind to create a story around its own origins, and to give its existence some sort of context and meaning. I have read about and heard from a few parents that their young children were so close to “God”, that when they first learned to talk, they would tell their parents about talking directly with God, or hearing God talk to them (or Jesus, or whatever their cultural background would predispose them to refer to). I did not have that experience as a youth, and, in fact, I could not fathom the possibility of such a “miracle”. Prior to recovery, my bullshit detector would sound off long and loud whenever I heard such a story. There was nothing special or spiritual about my birth or early childhood, and, in fact, I was on the opposite end of the peace spectrum from those luckier, supposedly “divinely blessed” children. When I was a baby. I was quite the disruption, because I cried almost non-stop, and my crying kept my father from sleeping. I was wrapped in a warm blanket, and kept in the car in the garage until my father left for work. This destructive isolation of a developing baby was more common in the baby boomer generation than the reader might be aware of. When the cries for love and survival go unheeded, fear becomes the primary creative companion to the developing brain of a baby. While I was still a boy, up to nearly nine years of age, it was I who nightly had horrible nightmares so terrifying that I could not get out of bed to go to the bathroom for fear of what was going to get me from inside of the closet, or under my bed. When a baby’s mode of existence becomes informed by feedback that its cries won’t be heard, coupled with a sense of abandonment, a troubled life experience of self-doubt inevitably follows. As a result of my early training and nature, I had a loving relationship with my mother, though I had an often times troubled relationship with my father.. I was to feel incompletely accepted by the world outside of our family, as well . There were quite a few friendly adults who were my parent’s friends, or who were loving relatives such as my aunt and uncle, or my grandparents. But my father and my world appeared to be dramatically impacted by men abusing their personal power, men who were impacted by what I now know as toxic masculinity. I was ill equipped to successfully deal with many of the interpersonal challenges within peer relationships. Poor self-esteem, self doubt, poor insight, and general anxiety around my relationship with the world made me an easy target for escapism, isolationism, and those hucksters hawking quick fix solutions for longer term problems. As a young person, the thought of becoming an astronaut, and traveling through space far away from this planet, motivated me to excel in school, in both mathematics and science. I saw scholastic excellence as my ticket to get free from my social dis-ease, feelings of inadequacy, and my sense of disengagement from the resident aliens who also shared planet Earth with me. I longed for a way “to get off of this fucking rock”, and that became my driving intention for life. My life prior to drug addiction was quite lonely at times, especially for several years prior to age 9 years while living in our West Linn home along the Willamette River. Yet, I made the best of it. When I was not in the outdoors climbing trees, building forts, riding bicycles, playing “doctor” with the neighbor girl while she played “nurse” with me, or exploring fields, forests, or islands in our neighborhood, I would spend copious amounts of time reading. The steady reading of fictional books, especially science fiction, enabled me to take vacations from a world that never seemed to me to be very welcoming.. One of my favorite SF books was Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein, which I read as a twelve-year-old boy. In this book, the main character, Michael Valentine Smith, is adopted by Martians after the death of all Earthlings except for baby Michael on a Mars mission that had crashed upon landing. Michael learns from the Martians, who end up raising Michael until near adulthood, that all, ultimately, is God. Michael was eventually rescued, and returned to Earth. When Michael proclaimed to all of Earth’s inhabitants after his introduction back upon Earth that “Thou Art God” I had my first ever feeling of hope that there might be a God available to be present in life, maybe even in MY LIFE. I read that book over and over again, as it gave me so much hope, but the hope, with its concurrent “God chills” or horripilations, were ephemeral, and did not last long after each reading of the appropriate passages in the book. It was with this book that the seed was planted for the idea that the search for God may well be my ticket out of my loneliness and misery, that the search must somehow begin and end within myself.. In the era of my life from 1971 to 1987, I led a highly dysfunctional life. After succumbing to peer pressure to use recreational drugs as a sophomore in high school, I quickly became addicted to alcohol and drugs. I was an addict from the start, and I knew that I would either die as an alcoholic/addict, or I would kill myself by age 30, if I had not yet recovered from my disease. What I did not know was what would happen if I survived my affliction, what kind of life there would be for me to live, and what kind of person that I could become. I had made no preparations for how to live life without substance abuse, nor would I, at least initially, have adequate language to describe my hopes for the sober life, other than in the simplest, vaguest of terms. With the exit from Portland’s underworld community, in March of 1987 and my own exit from the drug-induced and culturally inculcated insanity, a new world waited to welcome me, but it did not just reach out and grab me by the hand, and lead me down the path to recovery and reintegration back into the community. With all that I have previously written about the time beginning with recovery from addiction and alcoholism , it would be a mistake to assume that I was totally conscious about what was going on, and the direction that I was headed from 1987 forward. All that I knew was that after I had made “conscious contact with the God of my understanding”, my old life seemed to disappear. I had an ability to describe the world that I had left behind, but I had no language to describe the new world that I was entering into, or the new experiences that were unfolding in the new life of sobriety. I had never felt like I was an accepted and honored part of the outside world in the first place, so finding my new people, and my language, were important endeavors to me, once I was firmly on the path to sobriety and enhanced spirituality. This desire for a loving integration into the wholeness of life arose several years before, when I yearned for peace. While addicted, I could not fulfill the conditions for its experience. The transformation was many, many years in the making, but when it appeared within me, I was no longer tormented by my social insecurities, or my feeling of disconnection from God, my fellow-man, or from the plants and animals that grace this beautiful planet that we share. Somehow, I had “let go of the controls” of my old ego state of mind, and a new order started revealing itself, from moment to moment. At times I felt like a “guided missile”, never knowing the destination for my life, but trusting whatever it was that had launched my new life into existence would get me to the right place at the right time.. I still had memories of my former life, yet they no longer informed my day-to-day thoughts, my decisions, or my overall outlook on life and love. I did not know who the “new me” was, though the “new me” always had a smile, and felt continuous joy. I had a series of spiritual upheavals which defied my rational mind, and I did not have the words to describe or contain the experience for many years to follow. It was as if a new person had landed in my consciousness, the “old me” had died, and now I was informed, moment to moment, by a powerful force of peace or silence, or Love itself. Before 1987, there were “many people with their disfiguring concepts” roaming around in my mind, but now that “committee of the many” had permanently adjourned, and there was now only one peaceful presence, a new ordering principle for my consciousness. And not only did I not have the language developed for the new story, the small story that I did begin to tell did not necessarily meet with a friendly reception from others. When I told my story, I would usually be met with silent stares, a quick change of subject, or general disinterest., though a friend from a men’s group claimed that I was a “walk-in”, a term used to describe when the old ego departs a body, to be replaced by a new being. My family still saw me in terms of the past, for the most part, as my history created great scars on the psyche of fellow family members, as well as the friends and acquaintances of my years prior to recovery. But, they could appreciate that the “new me” no longer required their extra concern or care, as I was now an independent, upright, fairly conscious human being. I made healthy choices in my relationships, and I chose a new, fulfilling career to replace all of the career wreckage from my past. I was but a boy again, though, while still learning the ropes, meeting new friends, discovering new possibilities for myself and others, and, occasionally, still sipping from the inner healing springs of the Miracle that can quench the spiritual thirst of all who seek it out. This new being, this upgraded Bruce 2.0, which appeared in the summer of 1987, was like those miracle babies and children that I had always envied, and doubted. During most of the time after June of 1987, until I met my present wife Sharon in August of 1989, I spent over six hours a day in prayer and meditation, and probably as a result experienced blessed states on an almost continuous basis. I now “heard and felt” God, and I was taught on the inner spiritual plane about aspects of life, and consciousness, that I had no way to learn or know about otherwise. This was not a “Christian” God, or a “Jewish” God, or the Buddha Mind, or “Christ Consciousness”, but those names certainly pointed to the new reality that I had somehow accessed, and been dramatically changed by. As hard as it is for me to write about this now, or, understandably, for the reader to believe this story, I was taught by the “Master Teacher”, whoever, or whatever, that might be. We all have access to inner wisdom not borne of our personal experience, yet it lies, mostly ignored, in the inner recesses of our hearts and souls, for much of our lives. I was given a new blank slate to write my new self upon, a new possibility for living, and being, in this world, aided by this new connection with my own wisdom. The world that I once wanted to depart from so badly, was now paradise on Earth, and I knew that Heaven was not a concept for the future, but a living reality only for the present moment. But, I could not carry the “old me” into that world, I had to leave ALL of my verbal and non-verbal memory possessions behind, so to speak, to stay in tune with the new Spiritual music. I have noted from my understanding and experience of others who have had dramatic spiritual experiences, is that, initially, they experienced a state of being poor communicators around the event. This lack of articulateness is quite a common, for several years that follow such an upheaval. Those that have a strong religious background try to use the language of that system of thought to interpret and communicate their own unique opening. For those who do not have a well established religious background, or who might need other language or images to convey their experience, the search through historical literature to see what others have written about their own cosmic events have been found to be helpful. There is an attempt to try to use a language that others might understand, but, unless they too have had spiritual lightning strike them, the search for an equally enlightened/awakened peer group is liable to be fairly unsuccessful, at least initially. Then there are also those who just throw up their hands, and give up on the idea of ever communicating with others about the transcendent state. And, finally, there are those whose minds are irreparably damaged by the experience, and though they may remain “connected to the Spirit”, their behavior and style is indicative of a person who is insane, and operating well outside of socially and culturally accepted standards. I did not have the capacity to communicate with others what I was experiencing, for many years after 1987. I would refer to my “rebirth”, and talk of the “old me” with those who were interested, especially in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. The people who met me after my rebirth could not believe that I was ever addicted or dysfunctional in self-destructive or other-destructive ways, and I learned to not wave that recovery flag at every new person I met, so that they could have an honest chance of knowing me for who I now was, rather than who I might have been long ago. It was my movement through all of these new relationships which helped to define for me the “new me”, who I was now, how I now related to and appreciated others, and how I now loved unconditionally most everyone that I met. All of humanity became my brother or sister in this new reality, and my lifelong sense of dreadful separation from others had been lifted. I then set out to find “my people” and find out where I might fit into the new world order that was revealing itself within my mind and heart. In my naiveté, I assumed that most others naturally came by this understanding, and that I was finally catching up, spiritually, with the “normal folks”, the folks that never were so unhappy as to consider alcoholism, drug addiction, and/or suicide for themselves. I eventually became active in the great outdoors again through hiking and backpacking, I resumed bicycle riding with an association with Cycle Oregon over several years, I learned tennis, and I also ended up excelling in road and trail racing as a runner, albeit an older runner (in the master’s division), competing individually and also appearing on several championship or near-championship level Master’s teams in both the Hood To Coast and Rainier To Pacific races. I was able have a “redo” of my life, and experience success and failure based on my own decisions, and actually glean wisdom from my interactions with life, rather than hate myself and/or others for its sometimes difficult teachings. And, yes, the new life was quite fertile ground for learning. This new life also provided me with some of the language that I needed to communicate better with others what I had experienced on the inner plane. It also started to provide me with the language needed to describe the foundational consciousness which predisposed me, and our world to dysfunctional and self-destructive behavior, but I was not to get the full message until much later in life. Having allowed myself to return back into the world after this second birth, I subsequently gained insight into the matrix of collective human misunderstanding that was the foundation for our collective consciousness as a human race. I had no inclination to attempt to describe the “light” as the mystics and poets experienced it, for I saw the futility of that path of “via positiva” for me. My path was primarily informed by two major categories for spiritual liberation. These two are “via transformativa” and “via negativa”. which are the techniques using personal responsibility, insight, meditation, as well as other agents for spiritual evolution. If the debris field of human consciousness has been healed and cleared, via negativa.and via transformativa have been successfully accessed, integrated together, and applied to one’s spiritual journey. What is left, after the garbage is cleared? If might be considered similar to the process of metamorphosis, which brings forth the butterfly from the caterpillar. If the butterfly could talk, I would assume that it would much rather talk about its new freedom, and the ability to fly, rather than its previous form of life sliding over the dirt Yet, the only life that the butterfly arose from was with ground dwellers, and that is where all of its past stories were created. Could you imagine that butterfly going back and telling his caterpillar friends about the potential for a new life, and what the “ground dwellers” might say in response? How about “get lost, you were never one of us, anyway?” or “well, it must be nice for you to fly, but it is just not for me right now?” or “have you heard about the great tasty leaves that parsley plant has?” are three potential responses from those who think that change is threatening, unnecessary, irrelevant, or impossible, for themselves. There is new life available to all, yet I won’t devote too many words on that one. I am not a poet, and I don’t need to draw a big audience for those who are the seeker moths of our world who blindly follow the latest human “light”. The “light” is best experienced personally and non-verbally, for then there are no conflicts created between “the word” versus “the truth of the moment”. It is best to see this process for oneself. The word will forever remain a shadow, cast by the light built into the divine heart of mankind, as it tries to define the “undefinable”. Yet, if the heart is in the right place, the words formed and delivered will become attuned to and resonant with the energies pointing to healing of self and of the other. “If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.” ― William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell We have all been victimized by the cultural and familial conditioning of the information processing centers of the brain that cause certain streams of awareness to be represented by erroneous concepts, or attenuated or terminated prematurely by fear before any reasonable assessments can even be made. Our cultural “headlights” for looking into ourselves have had much of their light blocked by years of unacknowledged road debris accumulating on the lens. Yet, we first have to “see” that there is a blockage, as it will not clear on its own. Our own internal “seeing” can ultimately liberate us from the erroneous views foisted upon our innocent hearts and souls by the well meaning but often times ignorant teachers of our pasts, and those who may not have yet cleared up their own internal lenses of perception. But we each must look, acknowledge what appears to be there, share our perceptions with others, learn from each other, and thus create more accurate, updated knowledge. “Know thyself, and thou will know God, and the Universe” ——Attributed to Pythagoras, and the Oracle at Delphi “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it”——–Aristotle The final two quotes sets the stage behind the eternal tension between what is truth and what is falsehood, and the spiritual requirement not to create and worship idols, physical or verbal. They also point to the supporting conditions behind one’s potential for spiritual evolution and final ascendancy out of false knowledge and the suffering that results from entertaining such thoughts.. Life is always a self-fulfilling prophecy, yet whose self are we fulfilling? What if your life is fulfilling the prophecies of your religion and culture, rather than that of your true self? While unenlightened forces dominate human consciousness, oppression and repression are born, and nurtured. This creates more damaged human beings, who continue to remain unconscious, and thus overpopulate this planet. The fate of these damaged people is to continue to damage themselves, each other, and the very planet that supports and sustains them, until they find their self and its truth. Find the self, and the life that has a great future, and discard the one that will die with our rotting civilization. Life is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  All that we presently see, or anticipate that we might see, unto eternity, is our self, and the extension of our hopes and dreams. I see a great future for our planet, if enough of us break free from the effects of the collective oppression by others and, ultimately, the repression of our Spirit. If enough of us find the only self that can be free, collective liberation becomes more of a possibility. What on Earth is humanity waiting for? My journey of healing has been documented in this book. My consciousness is comprised of all of the answers that our culture, my family and I have dreamed up to some of the great questions of life. My life up to this point in time and space has been an attempt to answer the following questions, and adjust to the basic underlying principles that were supporting those questions.: Cleansing the doors to perception means bringing truth into sharper focus, and the process of asking the right questions, and not necessarily immediately supplying an answer, provides powerful energy to this endeavor.

• Just what is “God”, and what relationship does “God” have to reality, and to me?
• What is a “well lived life”?
• Who are my “people”, and where are they located?
• Will I ever fit in? Will anyone ever notice me?
• Why don’t I feel peace of mind?
• Why do I always seem to “self-destruct” right at the moment when I am about to achieve great success?
• Will I ever understand myself, and others?
• Why is expressing real emotions such a double-edged sword?
• Where is the love that I feel is missing from my life?
• Why do I have no desire to contribute to society in a more generous, meaningful way?
• Why do I feel that I have to always be competitive, or “better than the others” just to fit in?
• Why do I not feel satisfaction when I achieve the greatest goals that I have set up for myself?
• Why does guilt control so much of my life’s experience?
• What is oppression, and what is my relationship to it?
• What is repression, and why do I participate in it?
• Is it possible to speak or live a lie long enough that we no longer can accept or believe the truth?
• Is a person’s silence because of an absence of opinion, or from a fear of speaking the truth?
• What is good “mental health”?
• Why do people continue to experience poor self-esteem?
• Why are some people always so angry, or depressed?
• Why can’t some people be more emotionally and spiritually present for others?
• Why do people feel that they need to engage in mutual “control dramas”?
• Why do some men become spiritually and emotionally disfigured by their desire for sex?
• Why do some men exercise excessive emotional control over their partners?
• Why do people cling to certain groups of people, and reject all others?
• Why don’t people get along better with each other?
• Why do people endlessly pursue entertainment and/or use drugs and alcohol to excess, and ignore their own personal transformation and healing?
• Why is just more knowledge so much more important than intuition, wisdom and insight to most men and left brained dominated women?
• Why is collaboration such a dirty word for a national political process?
• Why is competition and greed, as presently coupled with Capitalism, the predominant economic system in our world?
• Why does our society, and our world, and much of the world’s population, continue to not experience peace of mind, with beauty, wonder, and the innate internal integrity of our (potentially) divine nature?
• When Will America Fully Awaken?

My life story became my improving attempts at addressing these questions, and adjusting to whatever answers, if any, that came into my awareness at any particular point in time.. There is nothing really “new” being written here, though this is the most important writing that I have ever attempted. Please forgive me in advance if my insights and realizations appear obvious and simple. When they come to an innocent mind for the first time, they bring with them the sense of profundity and wonder.. I had many teachers on the “outer plane” who continued to point the way to a higher, more spiritually integrated life, while I measured their messages against what was bubbling up within my own mind and heart as my own internal answers to life’s great questions. Words started forming within my mind that were to become the verbal bridges connecting my internal “non-verbal” state of being to reach the surface of my mind and the outside world with its infinite interwoven matrices of verbal intelligence. Just sitting around smiling at people was not getting the job of connection and communication accomplished, but I was always flooded with joy, and carried a constant smile on my face, which did open many doors to friendship with others. I was no longer a sheep looking for a shepherd, as I became a more conscious wanderer on life’s path, looking for fellow travelers and collaborators to exchange companionship with while we collectively reached for our greater good. I had no desire to fly solo, but instead to fly with a new flock, populated by those who were flying the same direction that I was guided to fly. Finding our spiritual family or core group, or “my people” is a common healthy desire for all of us. As human beings we have the potential to be “free birds” in our own unique way and manners, though we remain part of the greater “flock of life”. It is important to find, and continue to fly in, the flock of our own choice. We are social creatures, and to deny that absolute fact is to deny reality, and to deny our own greater good, and the greater good of humanity. It is a challenge to all of us to find that right group of people who our spirit can soar with. We all have tried to fly with turkeys, and that is not to be our lot in life, unless we continue to choose that for ourselves. We are all free to choose again, so choose wisely, and fly united! GETTING CLOSER TO “HERE AND NOW” Awakening is an interactive process, encouraged and facilitated by the pain and suffering that we experience as human beings, while engaging with the so-called “real world”. Far too many Americans live in alternate universes, where pain and suffering are not directly dealt with, or are to be avoided at all costs, wherever possible. Immersion in fantasy and denial of our personal and collective responsibility towards the ills of this world also reigns supreme in major sections of our culture. This is fueled by addictions to media devices, diversions of our life force into entertainment and worship of TV and movie personalities, hypnosis by false religious and spiritual leaders, alcohol and drug addictions, and personal and sexual power abuses. To facilitate healing, we must reject the false leaders, hypnosis, hero-worshiping and idolatry, and we must become our own leaders, with awakened powers of understanding and compassion. All of the sleeping beauties, and the ugly ones with warts, will continue to sleep, until their nightmares become so frightening that they either have to wake up to the “kiss of the healing prince, or princess”, or die. The prison guard with one of the primary keys to release me from my own spiritual imprisonment remained my own unhealed relationship with my father. Overcoming a lifetime of oppression and control by others is no easy task. It also must be done clean and sober, for the true depth and healing of the experience to permanently take hold. I began a new relationship with my father, starting with my new-found sobriety. The real fruits of healing from the relationship was not to become apparent until many, many years later. The process of caring for my increasingly demented father from 2011 until his death in September of 2017 proved to be the most difficult, and the most transformative, period of my life. But that is another story! I developed some insight into how my own father’s ignorance and selfish needs early in my childhood negatively impacted my own mind’s formation. There was a revelation within me that as a result of my father’s sometimes toxic influence, and my own mother’s unskilled participation in my life, I had unwittingly and unconsciously created two fundamental cores to my personal dysfunction. I came to refer to these forces as “tricksters”, and a thorough examination of all of my inner demons showed that they were traumatically created through incomplete, unskilled interactions with life. Their presences initially kept me from being helpless as I attempted to navigate the world as a young being, offering their own extremely limited versions of interior guidance. But, these miscreations kept me from developing into my greater good as an independent, free adult human being. It was these two fundamental cores that swirled around another unknown force of darkness within me, as if drawn and disfigured by an infinitely powerful locus of negative influence. These two tricksters resembled actual personality subsets within my consciousness, and I posit that these disassociated personality subsets are the precursors to all manners and types of mental illness, including anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, and multiple personality disorder. My father represented, in a perfect way, how my life experience had become overshadowed by the needs and concerns of our culture, and its own unconscious needs to dominate, control, and oppress, especially those who did not conform to its often conflicted, twisted values. My father had difficulty, in times of great stress, in recognizing the intrinsic value of all life, including my “baby self”, and my essence as a young boy. My father showed to me, in a perfect way, what a potential end point looks like from a lifetime lacking in true collaboration and emotional integrity while sharing life force with others. My father achieved many of his goals in life, yet at what cost did they come to him, and to the people who he may have influenced and over which he exerted control? And, what is the cost to a society that blindly plows forward while supporting ideals that do not conform to the development of all of its citizen’s highest nature, and truth? With the death of my father, it ended the era of subservience to my perceptions of his needs. It also ended the era of incomplete grieving for my own mother’s death, as I never completely worked through my own process around her sudden demise. I was now an “orphan”, and all of the entanglements that kept me wound around their lives were now physically removed. My fathers’ spirit no longer could overshadow my own life, and now I was allowed to live fully into whatever, or whoever that I am. I found that I no longer had the unconscious need to protect my mother from my father’s wayward emotions and behavior, which I always girded myself for, and I had prepared myself to do throughout my life. In truth, however, I never really succeeded in protecting anybody from my perception of my father, including myself. I was to find that these tricksters were my internalized representations for each of my parents, and the historical accumulations of fragmented interactions between them and me. For me this is an extraordinary release, because my ego may have formed somewhat differently than much of the rest of humanity due to unusual parental bonding issues just after birth, and through my first 4-5 years. Being placed on formula right after birth, and being placed in a chilly car in the garage at night so that my father could sleep better because I was just another “damn crying baby”, left me as a young being with so-called “attachment issues”, such as feeling abandoned, and lonely, from the beginning. Though I loved my parents, I certainly did not want to grow up and be like them. Yet, I was not able to offer to my developing self a viable alternative to being like my father, being extremely limited creatively, and my resultant dull, though at times insightful, personality reflected that darkness throughout my childhood, and adulthood through my first thirty-one years of life. We are all alive today due to the self-organizing principles of life itself. In manufacturing and industrial processes, in our planet Earth and its journey through the solar system, and even in the human mind, we bear witness to the wonders and mysteries of self-organizing systems. The human brain has evolved into a capable predictive mechanism since the introduction of language as a tool for communication. Words are used for the measure of our experience, and are now our primary avenue for communication with each other. Words are forever containers for energy, and are not the actual energy itself, being only pointers towards that energy. Yet the introduction of words into the conscious void of the ancient human being must have been the most transformational, apocalyptic event in human history, probably being more important than the harnessing of the power of fire and water for the creation of the conditions for safety, security, and even society itself. In our world, there are countless examples of self organizing systems, and all creatures, and the minds of those creatures, are examples of that miracle in action. The bodies appear to be primarily organized through the pattern created by the history of that species, and it’s interactions with its earthly environment. DNA appears to carry that pattern within our very cells. Some biologists and scientists, such as Rupert Sheldrake, postulate the existence of a “morphogenetic” field of energy, in which in the whole biological and environmental history of all species are stored, and which each member of the species shares energy with. This name identifies a scientifically recognized process whereby the whole of the species influences the individual, and the individual can also exert influence on the whole, especially when the number of individuals is great. The human mind has a self-organizing principle attached to it as well, as it organizes itself into a personal sense of being. Some say that the “word” or the act of first recognizing that a verbal sound or a specific set of symbols can represent an environmental influence is the initial generative force behind the creation of the personal sense of self. Helen Keller gives an outstanding account of the beginning of her own sense of self, once she recognized that the letters W A T E R represented the substance that she washed with, and drank. Her sense of self became eternally linked with the the word “water” ,a substance of highest value to all life. Helen became a beloved writer, and went on to write great works of spirituality, beauty, and insight. I can only wonder what my nature, and the nature of all other humans, might have become, had the first word that we recognized been a unifying concept, rather than a narrative developed through trauma, especially around the words “mom” and “dad”. The development and the evolution of human language itself has had the effect of bringing the hope for new or enhanced order to the chaos inherent within the unconscious human experience, at least through the structure of words used to represent the world that one is experiencing. Note the illusory sense of power that words sometimes create for us. We sometimes think that to finally identify a phenomenon, and giving it a name, that we are now somehow in control of that which still exists outside of our control. One example is when we finally get a diagnosis for a troubling medical condition that had evaded identification and description. The name brings momentary satisfaction and may point to the direction that a favorable outcome may be located, yet having a name or a diagnosis does not guarantee that a favorable prognosis will result. Also, my personal experience of finally being able to bring a verbal description to the vast interior spaces of unconsciousness and ignorance within my individual and collective self has done NOTHING to bring a new order to the present day divisiveness and chaos within our national mindset, including the conscious and unconscious elements.. For most other situations where stress or conflict may have arisen, we only need witness the “committee”, or the “monkey mind” operating overtime within our minds while it unsuccessfully tries to make sense, or bring order, out of the background chaos forever present in our lives. Those who are neophytes in meditation, and even some of us when troubled by current events, experience this hyperactivity and perceive it as a block to peace of mind. In truth, this internal mental chaos, when reinterpreted, becomes a gateway or portal to be passed through so as to access deeper, more peaceful and benign regions of our spiritual identify. There is an interesting interpretation of the Pauli Exclusion Principle which carries great relevancy to our understanding of the word. The Principle simply states that in our effort to describe or define any particle, or object, or to establish its exact location in the universe, we can never know all of the characteristics of the object of observation at one time, such as its angular momentum, direction, speed, and mass, being limited to three out of the four descriptors. Like our imperfect attempts at locating a particle in space, our words, literally, are our sincere, though incomplete, collective measurements, or representations, of reality, or our theories for how things now are, or could become in the future. We attempt to measure and locate eternally elusive phenomenon, and our words are perpetually in a state of “catch up” with an ever-unfolding new reality. If establishing or maintaining order is our concern, we can effectively channel all relevant knowledge into intelligent systems of control that will maintain maximum stability wherever necessary, but only under those conditions where we understand most or all of the variables.. The basic process control theory underlying all modern industrial and manufacturing systems has an equivalent in the human mind, where we use feedback and feedforward information loops for refining and maintaining order (mindfulness, personal inventory, and meditation). For humans, though our primary system of control is through the laws of our society and of our religions, we have not yet developed the understanding of all of the boundary conditions for our human experience. Humanity’s egregious blunder has been in attempting to bring stability to itself while disregarding the laws of our spiritual heritage and of Mother Nature, which mankind continues to ignore, at its own peril. The instability introduced into our collective Earth life system by humanity’s ignorance of these laws will not be correctable until we humble ourselves enough to learn from our mistakes, be they theological, philosophical, religious, economic, ecological, or social in nature. The nature of self-organizing systems is that once the quiescent point (also known as the Q point, set point, the functional operation level, the balance or the homeostasis point) has been altered, the system naturally seeks a return back to its native state, or “normalcy”. For our human experience, this may be both a blessing and a curse, depending on the “state” to which we are being returned back to. Typically, if we stretch a rubber band, and then release it, it returns to its original state. But, if we have stretched the rubber band too hard and too often, the rubber band loses its elasticity, and will never again return to its original state. A human being who has been stretched beyond their capacity through excessive stress, anxiety, and/or addictive behavior cycles will NOT be returning to their “normal” state, once it is recognized that the “normal” state was, in fact, an unhealthy, abnormal state of being in the first place, which in turn led to the creation of their present chaotic mindset.. The mystery of the origination of the sense of self revolves around many additional factors, including prenatal health of the mother, what the father might have ingested prior to conception, the physical health of the new baby, and how well the organism feels accepted by, and connected to the environment that its body travels through. Thus, healthier senses of self arise from, and are supported by, myriads of “successful” interactions with its social and physical environment, and the internal “name giving and associations” and stories that eventually get created by the self. First and foremost is acceptance and integration into the primary family cell, or group. If the young being does not get the requisite positive feedback early on, it faces tremendous odds against forming a happy, well-adjusted self organizing principle, or ego. My first 31 years of life reflected that experience, and I internalized and normalized the horror of a life suppressed by this aspect of the “conspiracy of silence”. I was damned by my own creations, which spawned from a subservience to a damaged image of self, and other. My own true nature, or possibility for experiencing another way of being, had been masked over, or silenced, through that process.

A black hole is a region of space/time exhibiting such strong gravitational effects that nothing—including particles and electromagnetic radiation such as light—can escape from inside it. The theory of general relativity predicts that a sufficiently compact mass can deform space/time to form a black hole. The boundary of the region from which no escape is possible is called the event. Within the human psyche, I posit the existence of consciousness “black holes”, or singularity points. We, as a human race, seem to have a predisposition to creating “black hole events” where no light, such as love, compassion, empathy, healing thoughts, can emanate from our consciousness. These events occur especially during times of collective distress including mass hypnosis and the resultant mob mind activity that leads to wars, genocide, racism, xenophobia, hysteria and fear.

We, as individuals, also have a real talent for creating “black hole events” within our personal worlds, as well. Our concepts of time and space certainly get distorted, as present day events occurring in our lives get distorted within our minds by traumatic events of our past, or “black holes” of past influence through which the light of our ever unfolding “present moment of life” gets sucked into the darkness of a singularity point of a traumatic event from our past. Our minds are “generators of consciousness”, which simply stated, means aspects of ourselves generate internal feedback, develop and support our own internal self-concept, create internal imagery and understanding of the “outer world” and support our verbal relationships with and actions towards all others. We attempt to match the “outer reality” by forming internal verbal and emotional linkages within ourselves, and this helps us to stay “relevant” and abiding within some measure of resonance and continuity with the perceived “external universe” or community that we presently share with others. This “light” that we internally emit, and eventually share with our worlds either through action or verbal expression, is influenced dramatically by our own secret, internal agendas, whether we are conscious of those agendas, or not. While these agendas remain “unconscious”, they become the equivalent to our own internal black holes. All streams of consciousness that our minds and hearts attempt to “emit” become trapped in the swirling vortices of these powerful forces, and these internal black holes continue to influence virtually every aspect of our lives. And, if not dealt with consciously and carefully, these black holes will eventually draw all of our internal light into them, and we become unwitting agents of our own internal darkness. To repress or deny these internal forces is to continue to feed them. As we get in touch with our fears, angers, hatreds, or whatever name for manifesting “darkness” that we might give to them, it is important to realize that these are great forces, and once they are harnessed, NOT REPRESSED OR DENIED, these black holes will continue to keep us connected to the real world, and, as we transmute their energy, the light within us uses these once “dark energies” for the good of ourselves, and for all mankind. I have identified a black hole within my own internal universe, which had created powerful forces of control, keeping me separate from my greatest good. I have attempted to deal with my trauma directly and honestly, lest my entire life becomes a continuation of further black hole events. I have identified that the fear that my voice will never be heard, resulting in my death, is my unique black hole. Insight finally reveals that this is a direct result of my failure to be fully integrated as a complete, healthy human being, and manifesting a more holistic or divine intent. This vortex drew all of my internal light towards itself, and by the time that this internal “singularity point” worked its dark magic to its fullness, I actually flirted with the end of my own life. Such is the way these “black hole events” can influence and control our lives, making peace of mind and positive, loving connections with others virtually impossible. These black holes may remain, even after making profound spiritual and emotional changes. Their dark influence, however, continues to recede, once there is a committed intention to stay connected with insight and spiritual healing, where all true light comes from. As I strive to stay balanced internally, so shall my walk through the rest of my life remain balanced, as well. Insight keeps these forces herded within the “spirit of wholeness” which utilizes our energy in more “sane” and mutually beneficial ways. And, for more than one of us, these black holes are eventually transformed into “white holes”, where no darkness can escape, and all of our experience becomes “enlightened”. We can’t short-circuit this process, by just substituting the pleasant-sounding “spiritual froth ” produced by other great spiritual thinkers, and trying to layer those messages over our unexamined inner universe. Well meaning advocates of this process become unwitting contributors to the repression, and oppression, of the Human Spirit. It is only after we do the real inner work, that these teachers can assume their rightful position in our consciousness, as fellow travelers on the path to Truth, which has no final destination. Our most profound words and thoughts only present the illusion of a “final resting place”, when, in fact, truth is eternally unfolding into each moment as a brand new, unique manifestation. I have my moments with the “white holes”, and I continue to strive for experiencing this phenomenon with both increased frequency and intensity. A path of insight and meditation is quite helpful, and association with others who share in this new reality has been shown to produce almost miraculous results. If this experience is to become our real new reality, then there is work to do! Please, let us not rest on another person’s “spiritual laurels”, for by this culturally and religiously ingrained process we will be delayed in finding our True Passion. I am what I am, but I am not what I seem You are mad, bonkers completely off your head.  But, I will tell you a secret.  All the best people are. ——Lewis Carroll What might a man performing a thorough self-examination through internal probing discover about his self, and the subconscious guidance and direction by those black holes within his own unique nature?. To uncover the treasure, we first have to dig through the dirt, and believe me, it can be a toxic waste site. It is no wonder to me that there are “few there be that enter into” this unexplored realm within. There is a kingdom within that searches for its rightful king, but will we ever rise up and assume our proper place? This process requires patience, time, experience, and humility, but eventually insight is developed whereby we can see the forces of corruption within our own heart and soul, and through the seeing, we also begin to facilitate the healing, as well. In the absolute, we are the space that we witness, either through our eyes, the telescope, or our mathematics, we are the time, or the timelessness, that we experience, and we are all of the people, and the cultures, that we are presently having relationships with. All that we will ever see, unto eternity, is our self. Insight is life, and life is insight. In truth, none of us are on the “outside looking in”. Sensing Our Connection With The Earth You carry Mother Earth within you. She is not outside of you. Mother Earth is not just your environment. In that insight of inter-being, it is possible to have real communication with the Earth, which is the highest form of prayer.
—Thich Nhat Hanh Sharon and I have embarked on many wilderness backpacking and hiking trips over the many years of our relationship. One of our backpacking trips was to become quite a memorable experience for both Sharon and me. I awoke one morning during the summer of 1992, and finished preparing to leave on a weekend hiking and camping trip with Sharon, up to the Mt. Adams Wilderness Area. My senses were somehow heightened, and I felt as though I could see and hear better than I was accustomed to. Food tasted better, the air carried many more scents, and my entire body felt alive with vitality, and sensation, well beyond what I was accustomed to experiencing in my day-to-day life. I had to work that day, so I ignored my “extra sensory perception” for most of the work day, and I remained excited about joining with my beloved partner on a hike to Lookinglass Lake, which would end up becoming around a 10 mile hike, in one direction. Our drive took longer than expected, and we arrived in the Wilderness area too late to reach the developed campground, so we parked for the night in a snow park area, and set up our tent to shelter for the evening. We sat outside of the tent, and I began to experience, in its fullness, that “extrasensory perception” yet again, but much more profoundly this time. It was as if I had sensory receptors in the dirt, the sky, and the trees. It was as if I had grown roots, so to speak. I not only could see the ground all around us, and the beautiful trees, and the sky, I could FEEL the ground, and it was as if I extended all the way through everywhere that I could see. It was the experience, in a new form, of “all that I can see is myself”. It was like I was “hearing” and “seeing” and “feeling” for all of nature that surrounded us, and it was a mystical, transcendental event. My new body was the earth, the sky, the trees, the wind, the insects, and my human shell. We finally lay down for the evening in our tent, and though I was still quite profoundly experiencing this event, I was able to fall asleep beside my beloved. Shortly afterward, I awoke to a great light enveloping our tent, and I arose to go outside to see what was happening. In the sky appeared a Great Light, and the entire surrounding area was bathed in a light that totally eliminated all shadows, even though it was near midnight! I awoke Sharon, who rose to witness the light. To this day, I have no clue if the light is associated with my “heightened mystic awareness”, or if it was just a coincidence that a UFO would awaken us to bathe us in its radiance. After we returned home, I told my mother about the light, and she reported that the week before, a mysterious light in the Mt Adams wilderness area was also reported, so who knows what was happening there? Eileen Bowden, Eileen Bowden, who lived in British Columbia, Canada, was a student of Joel Goldsmith, the originator of the Infinite Way. Joel was a non-practicing Jew, who was led into Christian Science in the 20’s, while his father was on his death-bed. Joel watched a Christian Science practitioner heal his father, and Joel caught fire with the possibilities for bringing spiritual healing to all of life (life that is receptive to healing, that is) because of this. Joel taught classes around the world until his death in 1964.  I was to come into possession of over one thousand hours of his taped messages, and over thirty of his books, so I caught fire with the possibilities that he attempted to reveal to the world. Eileen was hand-picked by Joel to continue teaching the Infinite Way, as she “had the message”, meaning that she had achieved, or attained, the “Presence”. She would enter into the sacred energy, and then give her unprepared talks (she spoke extemporaneously for at least 1 hour for each talk given). I attended a four day intensive at Federal Way, Washington with Eileen in 1993.  Most of the time was spent in meditation and “listening”.  Our role as “listeners” was to be in a sacred, meditative space, as well, so as to contribute to the total energy of the experience.  The result for me from this experience was that I was totally “involved” in the sacred energy of the Spirit, with the total quietness/stillness of my mind complemented by perfect peace, and joy. I carried this energy for a full week after the experience. The experience was somewhat perplexing to Sharon, as she wondered why I was having this profound experience, and why it continued on for so long. She had many questions, but the perfect peace that I was experiencing was not ebbing, at least initially. I had to return to work, as I worked for a living as an electrician. At work, the energy continued to flow in its own unique way, but well into the work week I started to question the value of “enlightenment” when I still had to continue to work. My co-workers were so out of touch with these things that I considered important, special, or sacred, and I could not quite get a handle on how this spiritual experience would have any value in the workplace. I dared not speak about it, or show any type of behavior that would distinguish me from anybody else, and the dominating attitude for me was to “just blend in” as best I could. I had already cut way back on meditation with the beginning of my running career in 1993, and when the spiritual “energy” changed, and appeared to finally ebb, I despaired a bit, and I felt a little awkward pursuing further deeper connection. I had started questioning the value of a process that I was failing to integrate into the rest of my life. There was nobody to blame but myself, but ever so gradually, my “over commitment” to my spiritual unfoldment began to ebb, as well.  Yet, for the years to follow, my mission was to attempt to integrate the world of spirit with the world of flesh, with mixed results. Awakening, Part 4  Perfection lies, behind all eyes, We, who would look within ourselves, will find, The Sublime Surprise, of which all Life does comprise, The Divine Self of all Mankind. We, who have made our choice, with one free voice, Call to our Eternal Source Supreme, We will no longer roam, we are coming Home, We are awakening from the “human” dream! With courage draught, from fear made naught, We move from temporal shadow to Eternal Light, The Kingdom sought becomes the Vision caught, Whosoever overcomes, now sees with unhindered sight! The Love All-Knowing, the Truth now showing, With Divinity, We walk hand in hand. In us its growing, through us its flowing, Embracing all between space and land. With Hearts entwined, One Soul Divine, To this world, We are a blessing immense. Though we pass this way for but a day, With Divine experience, who would dare dispense?

Mayan ruins at Cerros

I AM (Bruce Paullin, written in Belize in January, 2019) I am the brightest of mornings, I am the cloudiest of days, I am the silent night altar upon which mankind prays and preys. I am the Olmec and Mayan of times old, recent, and new, I am all civilization’s ruins, and I am the ever-evolving life that regrew. I am the bird’s call, I am the wind beneath its wings, I am the music and its spirit that joyously lifts our hearts up to sing. I am the water, I am the lagoon and the bay, I am the infinite ocean where my children are birthed, live, love and play. I am the blue sky, I am the gathering of clouds, I am the lightning storms that are now appearing so dangerous and loud. I am the wind, I am the warm soothing breeze, I am even our cold’s most raucous cleansing sneeze. I am the dolphin and manatee, I am the mangrove lined shores, I am waves crashing against rocks, that photographers adore. I am the mind, and I am the end to its lonely thoughts, I am the heart’s loving web in which we are miraculously caught. I am the boisterous protests, and I am the crowd made quiet, I can be even be found witnessing the white supremacists’ riot. I am the wealthy, and I am the hurt, oppressed and poor, I am your heritage until we all are no more. I am the Sanders and Pelosis, I am the Putins and Trumps, I am love’s warriors, and I am also hate’s chumps. I am the Christian, and the Hindu, I am the Muslim and the Jew I am the Atheist and Buddhist who you never thought that you knew. I am the cancer, and I am the movement towards health, I am the healing balm that works mysteriously in stealth. I am the grief, and I am the pain and the sorrow, I am the deepest well of hope from which we eternally borrow. I am the life, I am the body and its breath, I am the blessed last moment before each of our deaths. I am the death of self that leads to the only true heaven, Our denial of this truth brings the hellish news on channel two at eleven. I am the sacred, and I am even the profane, I am the source of all that we treasure, resisting me only adds to life’s pain. I am not the movement of our thoughts, while we cling to concepts of time, I am the emergence from all shadows, we all must reach for the sublime What is my name, and where is my place? Being ONE is seeing Me on every smiling and suffering sentient beings’ face. “Be still, and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth.” – Psalm 46:10 Set out, pilgrim. Set out into the freedom and the wandering. Find your people. God is much bigger, wilder, more generous, and more wonderful than you imagined. – Sarah Bessey

See Matthew 16:26 from Bible for comparison with Bob Marley’s quote. The Windshield Wiper I get questioned from time to time about why I need to write about performing personal inventory work about the impact of Toxic masculinity upon my life, and upon the human race in general. Some perceive that I must have anger or hatred motivating me for attacking our masculine heritage and background. Those questions have led to the following story appearing here: A man got into his car, and put Jimmy Cliff’s song “I Can See Clearly Now” onto his car audio player. He started the car, and began driving down the road during a driving rainstorm. Not more than one block down the road, he slammed head-on into another car, critically injuring himself and the other driver, who happened to be a female. The policeman who showed up on the scene investigated the accident, and noted that the male driver had failed to turn his windshield wipers on. He visited him in the hospital to interview him, so that he could finish his report. When the driver who failed to turn on his windshield wipers awoke from his coma, the officer asked him why he didn’t turn on his windshield wipers. “Officer, I did everything right. I was playing the right music in the background, and I trusted that I was seeing all that I needed to see. I just did not think that I needed my windshield wipers”. The officer immediately cited him for reckless endangerment and reckless driving. There is your answer. Our unconscious behavior causes damage every moment of every day. Turn on those damned windshield wipers, fellows, and leave them on! If we are still a man, and a human being, it is always raining somewhere inside of our minds, or even in our heart. If someone writes us a citation for our behavior, we need to learn from it, rather than resisting it. Why would anybody think that they can just listen to the choir music in the church or just apply another coat of spiritual paint to cover over a house experiencing rot and decay, and expect that the new paint job will have any lasting, positive effect? New thoughts layering over, or covering our non-examined embedded belief structures are just like slapping another coat of paint over the decaying house. This is like affixing a fig leaf over our genitals, like in the Garden Of Eden myth. In the program of AA, we call that our “look good”, which means that we keep our exterior looking just fine, thank you very much, all the while our interior remains corrupted, unexplored and unhealed. A favored expression is “we are only as sick as our secrets”, but our secrets do keep all of us sick, whether we want to deal with them, or not. The examined life demands that we take inventory on our self, and make every effort to understand the motivations behind all of our thoughts and actions in this world. The deeper we dig, the more that we learn that we are connected at a much deeper, more profound level with the rest of humanity than we ever dreamed possible. It is then that the healing we undertake as an individual can have a “ripple effect” upon the rest of humanity, because we all influence the collective, as well as individual, consciousness that we experience as human beings. The Pearl

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it. —-Jesus of Nazareth One of the quickest ways to turn off many an atheist or agnostic is to start a message with a quote from Jesus! Our egos certainly take a liking or a disliking to certain messengers, depending upon our vision and values, and how well the messenger conforms to our hopes and expectations. Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Mohamed, Kant, Aristotle, Nietzsche are all potential guides for those who consider themselves lost, which, typically, are all those still enmeshed with their ego, So this brings up a question: Of what value to us is our ego? Our ego can be likened to the shell of an oyster. The oyster shell is rarely recognized for its own beauty. Like the oyster shell, our personality may be appealing to some, ugly to others, or just plain uninteresting. Yet we all have access to different, unknown, and, potentially, sublimely transformative layers of our self, even though the personality often fails to consciously engage with them. In an oyster, natural pearls form when an irritant, usually a parasite, or, perhaps, the proverbial grain of sand, works its way into an oyster, mussel, or clam. As a defense mechanism, a fluid is used to coat the irritant. Layer upon layer of this coating, called ‘nacre’, is deposited until a lustrous pearl is formed. The pearl developed inside gives the oyster its unique value to human beings, who prize the pearl’s positive response to a major irritant in its life. But, the shell has to be opened, for all to witness the beautiful visual delight developed and hidden within. Ego is formed and continuously affirmed in an environment where spiritual discernment has not yet sufficiently evolved. Our ego is our static assessment of a dynamic, changing world, and it is constantly engaged in a state of “catching up” with the truth, however that may be expressing. It can be likened to taking a picture of a movie in midstream, and assuming that the picture represents the entirety of the movie. Wisdom is gained through our experiences in the journey through space and time, and the reinterpretations of and the release from all of the illusory static images stuck in our memory. Wisdom IS the perception that our memory may be clogged with a lifetime of the accumulation of static images, all out of context with our present day intentions to evolve and heal. Life in the Now is eternally dynamic and changing, while the fragile ego clings to its static fantasies and hopes spawned from its past. If we resist conscious, rational change, our ego will hold onto worn out understandings of life, and become out of touch with the ever unfolding new reality. Yesterdays truth is today’s superstition, and yesterday’s inaccurate assessment of others is today’s isolation and pain, so it is imperative to keep an open mind to change. Otherwise, the ego will be left behind, and suffer according to the cognitive dissonance it allows itself to experience. At all the intersections of the points of conflict between our inner world and our “outer world”, there are choices to be made. When a conflict arises, do we resist any new message or lesson being offered by another, especially when their understanding does not conform to our own? What about that daughter-in-law who hangs up on you, or the husband who talks more than he should, and is unwilling to change? What about that friend or writer who promotes a way of viewing life that does not conform to our own? These are irritants, and if we use the irritant to justify an inaccurate judgement against, or physical separation from, the offending party, we may have pushed away a layer of nacre for our own internal pearl of wisdom. Our judgements are only verbal measurements of an ever changing environment. Any judgement should be a temporary rest stop, to be left behind when we move in resonance with the new reality continuously unfolding before our eyes. Thus is the way of forgiveness. Change is irritating, and often threatening, to the ego. Our egos exist to help bring context and balance between what we are witnessing now with what we have experienced in the past, to assess what actions in life we must undertake to meet our social and societal obligations. It is our minds conscious attempt at bringing a balance between the world of form that we share with all of life, and the almost secret world inside of the personal mind. We might believe that we are keeping secrets from each other, but the truth is that we all share in the vast majority of thoughts and inclinations with our fellow man (woman), and we are only in denial of that fact when we don’t believe it and fail to act with compassion towards our self and to others. If the oyster was a closed system, and did not allow for an internal response to irritants, whatever parasites or grains of sand that entered into the oyster might cause its very destruction. Because the irritant has been addressed, and stabilized through the deposit of the layers of nacre, the oyster continues to thrive, though it is now growing an internal “body” consisting of the layers of the nacre, which are forming into a most lustrous pearl. So too do we, as humans, have the capacity to make pearls. But we must approach all irritants with love and compassion, or we will produce no spiritual nacre, only more pain and suffering. Those with spiritual discernment are finally able to see the Pearl for what it is, in Truth. Love, or God, takes many forms, and those with the eyes to see, and the ears to hear, witness its action through the loving co-creation of a new reality with others who are also honoring their own pearls. All of the “forgiveness” that we offer to ourselves, and to all offending parties in our world, also create the most lustrous layers of nacre Do not judge another by their “shell”, but instead, wait, until they can open their self up, and reveal the Pearl of greatest price. We all experience the effects of thoughtless, capricious human activity. Bring on those “irritants”, as they are the gate keepers to new layers of God consciousness! Remember, most people ask for forgiveness, rather than permission before they engage in their controversial behavior. Self will runs riot in an unconscious world, and we all suffer under a similar burden created through the action of that darkness in our world. Our wisdom, created through spiritually discerning the irritants in life, is our shiny Pearl. To those who have not fearlessly faced themselves and their own personal darkness, I wish you more pain, as pain is a major gateway to personal change and transformation. The point is to learn meaningful lessons from the pain, and not assume that it arose out of nowhere. Unaddressed pain tends to take over small centers within the mind, and over a period of time the traumatized mind loses its ability to be an avenue of present moment awareness, and it becomes fixated upon a past that cannot be healed. The institutionalized pain embedded within our memory becomes virtual scabs over our unexamined wounds. Are we just forming scabs that only partially cover our wounds, or are we facing our brokenness, in spirit and in relationship, which contribute to the formation of a healing spiritual nacre within our own mind and hearts. But truly, what is the pearl of the greatest price?It is your pearl, strung on the same string with the rest of humanity. Our stories imbued with collective wisdom creates the necklace of ultimate value. We must each build our own unique consciousness of truth and love. Then, each of our stories can become the nacre for THE PEARL OF GREATEST PRICE which is the story of the ever unfolding wisdom of mankind. Some call this the Christ consciousness, the Buddha mind, or God consciousness. Wear that necklace with love and compassion! Wear that necklace with discernment and the applied wisdom of all “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces” —–Jesus of Nazareth But, we still need to be careful with who and how we share our best lessons and messages with. There are those who are so offended when their religious fantasies are challenged, that they might seek for your crucifixion, and speed your passage through those “pearly gates of heaven”. If they are part of the psychiatric community, they may also try to medicate you into submission and oblivion. We are just growing pearls everywhere, aren’t we?. Enlightenment does not come to the “fat and happy” people of our world. People who do not feel the pain of their own lives, and of their own poor choices, are not ripe for the experience of change. And, enlightenment is NOT a gentle process, merely attained through reading books, practicing affirmations, talking with our friendly therapists, and attending a few workshops and conferences. To find true enlightenment, a path through personal, and collective, insanity is REQUIRED. Watch out for the so-called ‘professionals’ of our culture, or those latest pseudo-spiritual gurus, who continue to try to oppress this movement, and repress those impulses within themselves, and others under their ‘spell’ or control. I have been in some recent settings where spiritually aware, conscious people have gathered together to celebrate ‘connection’ and healing, like in world peace gatherings, friendship circles, men’s and couple’s groups, and recovery meetings. I have born witness to newer forms of the conspiracy of silence. I have had to overcome some well-meaning, but inaccurate spiritual teachings and aphorisms that distort reality, and do not point to the truth that I was finally hearing within myself. Somehow my truth does not measure up to other people’s opinions of what some other person’s truth is. I have had friends attempt to channel the Dalai Lama and other so-called spiritual masters to point out that I am not thinking or speaking correctly, and therefore I should try to fit in and be parroting other people’s opinions and try to make them my own. “Wow, where is my muzzle, my yoke, and my harness, I must have misplaced them somewhere? I just can’t wait to trudge down the road to a happier destiny while following the other nearly blind people into the ditch!“ Just because we can quote the “masters”, talk glibly about the latest releases from Eckart Tolle, and try to think like the spiritual herd, does not place us any closer to the ultimate truth of who we are, or what our ultimate destiny might be. There is an old saying: “If you see the Buddha along side the road, shoot him!” Those who understand this controversial passage, understand where I am now coming from. Dialogue With A Friend Of A Master But you can’t get to any of these truths by sitting in a field smiling beatifically, avoiding your anger and damage and grief. Your anger and damage and grief are the way to the truth. We don’t have much truth to express unless we have gone into those rooms and closets and woods and abysses that we were told not go in to. When we have gone in and looked around for a long while, just breathing and finally taking it in – then we will be able to speak in our own voice and to stay in the present moment. And that moment is home. —-Ann Lamott Anger is not a shortcoming to be denied, but a creative force that tells us when something is wrong. – Austin Channing Brown I have found that the use of anger for defensive and humanitarian purposes, and as an act of tough love is quite similar, philosophically and spiritually, as the need to use military force, and war for humanitarian purposes. However, weaponized, institutionalized, and dehumanized anger can result in unnecessary suffering and unethical wars; Christianity, Hinduism, and Buddhism, like most religions, believe that war is undesirable and avoidable. I have never been a promoter or supporter of senseless and selfish wars, yet I don’t have much use for religions, especially Christianity as it is now understood and practiced, which I do not now see as developing sufficient insight into how each of its adherents may achieve the peaceful life, thus deterring interpersonal violence or war. The corruption of their moral and ethical fabric has become so prevalent in modern society that our present political and religious mores are almost indistinguishable from each other. Just tune into Pat Robertson of the 700 club (666 club), or listen to the children of Billy Graham to get a horrifying view of the modern disease of the American pseudo-Christian Spirit. We have all been victimized and traumatized by the well-meaning, and not so well meaning, adherents of that philosophy. All of the religions of our world still tend to guide much of the discussion about the rules for engagement with self, and the other. Religious reasoning around human emotions, such as happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and anger tend to be attuned to the cultures and geographic locations in which the religions are practiced the most. And, these emotions, coupled with whatever rationality and reason might still be present in the humans experiencing them, become the foundation behind all action in our world, including the search for love, family and friend connections, personal and cultural evolution, healing, crime, and war. Understanding all of these internal relationships, ie. having deep insight into self and other, is essential to establish the foundation for proper action in the world. A great story from classical spiritual literature around human values and war comes from the Hindu tradition, and is called the Bhagavad Gita & War. In the classic Hindu text, the Bhagavad Gita & War, is documented the story of Arjuna, the fabled bowman of the Mahabharata. Lord Krishna’s view of war is revealed in the Gita. .Krishna’s obsession throughout the entire Mahabharata was to establish a society where Dharma was the guiding principle. This is a society where there is protection and happiness for all, and where people live in a balanced, spiritually orientated way, with respect for other people, creatures and all of nature… There were two warring factions in this story, Pandavas and Duryodhana. Pandavas, consciously strove to act for the betterment of the masses rather than for their own personal gain. They were rulers who could be instrumental in bringing about such a society as Krishna wanted to create. The rulers from the Pandavas philosophy were guided by the principles underlying true statesmanship. On the other hand, Duryodhana stood for hedonism and self-aggrandizement, and is the ancient version of America’s Trump phenomenon.. There is an incident in the Mahabharata where Duryodhana complains that Krishna always favored the Pandavas. Krishna’s reply was simple – “Adopt a Dharmic way of life, and I will give you, Duryodhana, the same support and guidance I give to the Pandavas.” As such, it would have been disastrous for society if Kaurava, the legendary king of the Duryodhana, had come to hold sway over the most influential and powerful kingdom of that era. A Kaurava victory would have meant a rule of darkness over Hastinapoor, Indrapastha and beyond. And for Arjuna, the warrior in dialogue with Lord Krishna, as a member of the “Kshatriya” or the warrior caste, fighting the battle is eminently ‘righteous’. It is a just cause and to defend it is his duty or dharma. And, he receives conscious support from Lord Krishna, who even bends the code of war to support Arjuna to defeat his foe. In this brief overview, it can be seen that Krishna’s guidance to the Pandavas reflects a universal and valid approach to certain predicaments that will always face mankind. His efforts to help the Pandavas should be understood in the sole context of the establishment of a righteous society The philosophies behind the decision to defend ourselves, and/or our communities, from attack from others are biologically, historically, spiritually, and rationally based. Our biological natures, beginning at the cellular level with the dispatch of antibodies against foreign invaders such as bacteria and viruses, up to the threats against our lives by armed aggressors, demand that we work at self-preservation. Also, whenever there is an immanent threat against our community, our cultural and personal values and natures require that we protect ourselves from “outside threats” whenever those not from our area attempt to bring harm and/or steal resources from our community, especially after peaceful outreach and advances have been rebuffed. Just as a peace-loving community must generate a protective force against the bellicose attitudes and outside aggression of others who do not hold peace and loving communication as a cultural value, so must the individual within that community learn to entertain and balance those complex energies, in order to bring forth the most effective and life-affirming responses to threats. So, just where does anger and love fit into this preliminary discussion? There are those who despair of the violence in society, and within themselves. They seek to go beyond this distress, yet they perceive few available options. Not knowing that the answer lies deep within themselves, they seek elsewhere, and find mentors, gurus, counselors, therapists, or methods of actually hiding from the self, such as excessive drink, drugs, sex, or the obsessive pursuit of outward accomplishments in the world. There are those who go to India to sit at the feet of the latest Master of renown, or follow the latest popular spiritual teachers, who appear to be popping up like weeds everywhere, including television and Facebook. Unless the “Teacher” or “Master” loves the great outdoors, communes with nature and its glorious creatures, hikes, camps, bicycles, and generally loves their own body, and its movement across this sacred planet Earth, they have nothing to offer to me but more spiritual “froth”. For me, the teacher must appear within our own hearts and minds, and it demands of us to be listened to. The period of time after Marty’s surgery, and my own “internal psychic surgery” of March 7, 2017, was characterized by a period of prolific writing, conscious dreaming, enhanced creativity, joy, happiness, and a desire to share some of the amazing insights that seemed to be just popping up like wildflowers. I contacted Jules during this period of time. He was still associated with the Peace Foundation, as well as hosting a weekly Saturday gathering. I wanted to resume my friendship with him, and I was excited about the new energy that had seemingly lifted me into a new dimension of understanding. We scheduled a lunch meeting, and I shared my desire for continuing friendship and communication with him. I was much more aware of what was going on with Jules, than he was with me, so I tried to bring him up to speed a bit. We were friendly and quite engaged with each other initially. He then stated:. .”There is so much hatred arising within our Portland area since the election of Donald Trump. It does not matter who is the President, for our society to continue to be a loving place, the people need to reign in their emotions and follow a path towards peace and reconciliation. “Jules, it is unsettling to be a witness to what is being uncovered in our country right now. I had no idea of the predominance of ignorance and anti-social tendencies of many Americans. I hope that we are not witnessing the takeover of our country by a false prophet and liar.”. “Um, Bruce, perhaps there is a different way for all of us to see what is unfolding right now. When I think of you, I think of Joel Goldsmith’s teachings. I see you as the perfect channel for the great teachings from that mystic and spiritual guide. Isn’t there a more spiritually appropriate way for you to be viewing this national process?”.. “Jules, Joel’s teaching were indeed a blessing for me in the past, but a new energy has come upon me. I have a new love offering to bring to the spiritual buffet, I think, that is much more appropriate to the times, and the situation”.. “Oh, I look forward to hearing about your experience. Have you dramatically diverged from your spiritual path, or is this just a new description for the way towards love and peace?”.. “No, I believe that a bridge to peace and healing has been provided for me to offer to those still struggling with the human condition. It is not a time for absolutist philosophies and reasoning. It is the time to acknowledge our sacred humanity, and to not judge parts of ourselves as less divine, or Godly, than other parts. This divide and conquer routine that mankind has offered to the seeker is a fragmented, unholy approach to spiritual well-being. It is reminiscent of the “mortification of the flesh” processes that even the Buddha finally renounced”. “Bruce, I am not sure what you are trying to say. Can you give me some examples?”. “Well, for instance, anger is one of our human emotions that is judged as unacceptable by those supposedly in the spiritual “know”. We are all beings sourced from the energy of infinity. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, but it certainly can be accessed, and modified to meet the need of the moment. Anger is a name given to an aspect of human energy. Anger naturally arises in human consciousness, just as does love, sexual desire, and a desire for community, peace and personal safety. I have seen how anger itself is not either bad or good, it is a manifestation of the divine impulse within all of mankind.”. “Bruce, that is an ignorant, shocking statement. The Dalai Lama himself says that anger is hatred, and that it damages the mind of all who use it as part of their life’s practice”.. “I have to respectfully, but STRONGLY, disagree, with your interpretation of what the Dalai Lama has said, or even with him, if he holds strong to that idea. This is America, Jules, not Tibet, or India. None of us were born, raised or treated like we were the next Jesus Christ, or reincarnated Enlightened One of the Buddhist tradition, like the Dalai Lama. Had he been born into my family, he would probably be speaking to you today with my point of view. Had I been born into his reality, perhaps I would be the one that you are quoting from right now. You simply cannot take a teaching like the Dalai Lamas, and apply it universally like some sort of magic salve. This is America, and we are a broken culture and civilization. Anger is appropriate and necessary in these times, as long as it is not institutionalized anger like racism, misogyny, xenophobia, white supremacy, genocide, or religious persecution. Anger born of the moment is infinitely different, and pure, whereas anger born of collective or personal memory is the source of hatred, revenge, lack of forgiveness, and what you now appear to fear.”. “Oh Bruce, I can’t believe that you are saying this. You have changed, and I don’t recognize you anymore. Please read my book again, and, here, make sure to read some of the Dalai Lamas’ teachings. You have gone astray.”. “Jules, no, I believe that I have found a middle path. If a stranger were to come over to our table right now, and urinate on our meals, or hit us, anger would spontaneously arise. What about the young man or woman about to be raped by a predator in a dark alley? It is that very energy of self-protection and defense, that anger, that we can channel for the good of the moment, to either inform the individual of their injustice against us, or to actually defend ourselves from the threat to our safety and well-being. To just sit there and turn the other cheek is NOT the proper response. If you believe that your thoughts and prayers could transmute the situation without action of any kind, that is fantasy thinking, and thus keeps us victimized and oppressed. We must stand up for our rights!.. You have not fully connected with nor understood the inner matrix of collective consciousness that underpins the entirety of the human race, where darkness, isolation, fear, and hubris reign supreme, and operates as a strong potential energy under the surface of many men’s thoughts and actions. The Common Knowledge Game that plays out in collective human consciousness is what we have to consciously deal with. The aggressor is playing out a story that has been told and retold since man first created stories, and first lifted a hand against his innocent, or guilty, brother or sister, and either felt self-justified in doing so, or was oblivious to his own intentions. Our prisons are filled with millions of human beings who all of humanity’s best thoughts and prayers could not and did not help. Right now, virtually all of the people who you associate with cultivate peaceful, loving attitudes, and that is just great. But there are many of us who still have to make contact with the rest of humanity, where such intentions are not even considered. There is a fight for survival, a fight to defend one’s tiny little plot of life, land, illusions of thought and sense of self. And there is mental illness, and an indifference to the feelings of all others who are unlike their own limited understanding of themselves. If we do not rise up and let the indifferent know not only that we exist, but we have feelings, and that we will defend our right to continue to have feelings, and existence, then those who ignorantly attempt to repress and dominate us will continue their abhorrent behavior.. Like a virus, those who oppress will be drawn to others who also have a desire to oppress, and the infection spreads through the collective mob mind. It is the feedback that we give back to them that eventually becomes part of the new knowledge for them, that others have feelings, and need to be respected, if they want to maintain some of their own freedoms. If we sit back and pray, as if the offenders already have the sensitivity to pick up on those finer vibrations, and that all they need to be reminded of is the underlying goodness of all is a self-defeating delusion, as our good intentions and prayers have little power for those people. The prayer that has the greatest power is the vocal one uttered through THE WORD We must be loud, if necessary, to remind the offender that another human being is present, has rights, and will protect itself and reflect back to the offender his own offensive energy, until the offender finds a way to present a more favorable side of himself to the rest of the world. We are part of the feedback loop for the rest of the world. We neglect our responsibilities as teachers and healers if we do not confront evil wherever evil arises. To not confront evil, or to mask it over with another name, and make it OK, as long as its influence does not directly impact us in this moment, is a dereliction of spiritual duty, and is one of the responsible parties for the continued proliferation of darkness and evil upon our planet… Your vessel is shining on the outside, yet on the inside there appears to be an incompleteness of understanding, and of spirit. You attempt to suppress and repress part of your own humanity, and thus, the humanity of others. You are a well-meaning, but unconscious part of the conspiracy of silence, where men are made wrong for speaking or acting from their strongest emotions, through which our true spirit may reign supreme.”. “Bruce, where you are wrong is simple. Through meditation, peace and reconciliation, we can create all of the relationships that either prevents the anger and hatred from arising that you believe that you may have to defend yourself against, or gives you a more creative, loving way to deal with the assaults.”. “Jules, how is that working for you, and for our world, so far?. History shows the cyclical nature of human civilizations, with the rise and falls of collective order, culture and spirituality, mutual trust, intelligence, creativity and the arts, and infrastructural stability. Our own personal history parallels the same cyclical principle, except in a more compressed time frame..To be aware is to note that as far as we can see, we can only see ourselves, and our own projections of what we think that we see, or might be. Note that to not see what is happening in the real world is remain in a dream world, the world of illusion, no matter how much you want to make peace and love the picture of the world.. ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL.. Do you think that just because you are giving love to the offender, that his behavior is going to spontaneously change? You noted at the start of our lunch the predominance of anger and hatred arising in Portland right now. I am not seeing all of our prayers and meditations working right now, nor have they for thousands of years. All of the Dalai Lamas prayers and meditations for Tibet were useless. He left his country, and did not defend himself. He left the country in fear for his own life, and his country was to be overrun by the Chinese, to be defended only by those who could not escape with him. Gedhun Choekyi Nyima, the 11th Panchen Lama, was left behind, and spent many years philosophically fighting the Chinese incursion, and languished in jail as a result of his best efforts. He stood up, and made his voice heard, in the only place and way a man of true spiritual integrity could. The Dalai Lama’s peaceful attitudes did not change one Chinese invader’s mind. I don’t see any of our thoughts and prayers reaching this reality TV star parading as our President, either. Three hundred and fifty million jabs back at his pudgy belly will help, though.”. “Violence begets more violence, period. I think that our lunch time has come to an end. Please reconsider your position, Bruce. You have so much to give to the world, yet giving anger to the world is no gift, it is a curse. I can help, perhaps come to more meetings at our church, where we can give you the support of our spirit of peace”.. “Thanks, Jules. I know that you say this with love. And I say this to you, this is also love, if only you had the ears to hear. Right anger leads to right action, as well. Protecting oneself against the violent assaults from others is an act of love, as well. Loving oneself through defending oneself, while giving an offensive human being necessary feedback from which to learn is an act of love, too. Would you watch your own child torture and torment a neighbor’s pet, and have no emotional reaction to it, and not confront him and teach him another way to behave? Love and righteous anger as a response to aggressive and offensive philosophies can live together in harmony, and they must, if America is to survive. Jules, I don’t have a church, a book for you to read, nor can I provide a forum for you to understand what I am talking about. Just know that my own “still small voice” is thundering from the silence in the center of my being, affirming the truth as I speak it, and live it. I am not a lamb before another person’s sincere, but wayward teachings, I am led from within, and I will go where the teachings lead me.. Blessings to you on your journey, Jules. I love you.”. And I left the lunch, and we have not spoken since.  In the timeless words of Bob Marley, come the words of a real spiritual warrior:. Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights: And in the words of another great spiritual warrior:. “I come not to bring peace, but a sword!”, Jesus of Nazareth.. as he, too, tried to break down the patterns of social, economic, and religious injustice of the day.

The Far Side: Wait, Wait, We don’t have to be just sheep

.A lifetime of oppression, of not being heard, having cries of pain and suffering ignored because of some sort of prevailing philosophy, thus ignoring major energy centers of who I AM, creates energy field corruption and damage. How can a young woman, or man, not respond with anger and fear while being sexually abused by yet another Toxic Man, and his own distorted theories of how life should be? Extrapolate that to our entire country, where millions of our fellow Americans, or, more accurately, our fellow human beings, be they African-American, Hispanic, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh, or whatever label we want to foist on another child of God, continue to be persecuted and oppressed by the dark philosophies spawned by other Patriarchal ideologues.. For me, I layered myself with all manners of philosophies that suggested that I should ignore my personal human emotions, and all of the so-called dark energies that plague us, through the labeling, judging, and condemnation of all of these energies. Maya, or illusions, or cultural hypnosis, are terms coined by the “aware” that help us to understand that what appears to be in the “real world” may not actually be there, and to be aware of the potential of our minds to project out of our own unenlightened ignorance our misunderstanding of life, and our actual relationship to it. Ignorance and darkness, and their love child, evil itself, do exist, and is not an illusion. Rwanda, Syria, and any number of modern-day countries have witnessed the ravages of evil, and those residents who stayed seated in meditation and prayer are now dead, while those who are still alive escaped or had to defend themselves.. The key is to place these so-called dark energies in the service of understanding and love. Enlightened anger IS wisdom, and if we deny our anger about the oppression we have experienced, or that which is persecuting the innocents of the world, our access to vast sacred energy centers will continue to be blocked away from us, by those who inadvertently become part of the control mechanism that we are attempting to become liberated from.. Somebody has to act as a bridge between highbrow spiritual theories and/or realizations, and the damaged, hurt, misunderstood, persecuted, abused, sick and ill, and I AM THAT, along with countless millions of awakening abused people around the world. One size does NOT fit all, when it comes to how to spiritually respond to challenging situations. If we are sitting in an ivory tower or lofty spiritual “reality” then we will have one style of engagement with the world. If we are still in relationship with all of humanity, we have to be ready for anything, and we will have to be ready to engage ALL of our resources to meet the safe and sane requirements for each unique relationship . This is how my awakening world now spins, around the reunification of all rejected energies of our Holy Spirit (the spirit of wholeness that still resides within all of us, even in the “least of these” people, who may still reside in their own personal hell).. There are those purporting to be “spiritual teachers” and advisors, who are admonishing their followers to abhor using human emotions with their dealings with the public. Specifically, I am frequently hearing that a “requirement for maintaining spiritual integrity” is to NOT EXPRESS ANGER, in any form, and instead to substitute “loving thoughts” and “forgiving actions”.. Really?. First things first!. Anger is a natural, normal response, in any particular new moment, to any assault on our being, on those that we love, or on our inner sensibilities. Anger, among all other emotions, and in balance with those aspects of our self, help us to manage our response to the outer world, which is, at times, quite the aggressive, distressed, ugly, oppressive environment. Anger is not positive or negative energy, it is HUMAN ENERGY ITSELF, and like all aspects of our humanity, it needs to be understood in the context from which it arises, and when and how it expresses itself.. Anger can bring fear to the unaware among us, because of an incomplete or unhealed response to its expression in their past. We have all been persecuted, at one time or another (or many times), by the angry parent, boss, co-worker, or stranger driving next to us in a car. Or, how about the rapist, or child molester, who tries to attack us, or our children?. According to classic psychology, humans engage in “fight or flight” behavior, when they experience fear and/or perceive that they are being attacked. Whether we choose one or the other depends on any number of circumstances, and ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL. When we are backed into a corner, and there is no way out, where is our energy to come from, when the attacker makes his final lunge at us?. We all feel a need to “be in control”, and to conform to social norms, especially those “norms” expressed in the common knowledge game that dominates the unaware human consciousness. Philosophies and theologies that stress the need to repress aspects of our human nature need to be examined in their fullness, and not accepted at face value. By their very nature, any umbrella philosophy and theology devalues the “intelligence of the moment”, and intentionally and/or unwittingly contribute to the suppression, and repression, of sacred human values and emotions. This unrepressed and unoppressed human energy, when balanced, keeps us as complete beings, capable of accessing and expressing the wholeness of our being, with emotionally intelligent actions appropriate to the activity of the moment.. There is a Wisdom deep inside us all, waiting to inform all of our thoughts and actions in this world. And, this world requires Ultimate intelligence to navigate through it successfully, without bringing harm to ourselves and others needlessly. Anger and fear are not to be repressed by any healthy human being, but instead are to be witnessed, and studied, and utilized intelligently for wise action in this troubled world.. Stand up, stand up, stand up for your rights!. But, make sure that the anger is appropriate to the moment, and not some formulaic response that the “non-healed, unbalanced” nature within your own self offers up under many questionable circumstances. An “institutionalized expression of anger” becomes hatred in disguise, and that characterizes the oppressive nature of far too many male originated, and dominated, philosophies. When anger becomes an automatic response to all situations where threat is perceived, then the intelligence of the moment is denied, and we are susceptible to bringing needless harm to our bodies, and to our minds, as well as to the “other”.. When I was a eight-year old boy, while on a camping trip with family and friends, my sister and I complained to my parents about the father of the other family,, who had severely overreacted to us, and we accused him of being excessively angry and threatening to us. When my father confronted Bob about his rage, Bob got angry again, denied that he threatened us, and then commanded me to “get my story straight”, before complaining about his behavior in the future. Several years later, while in a fit of rage with his wife, he intentionally crashed his car head-on into another car at a high rate of speed, killing himself and crippling his wife for life. The act of “getting our story straight”, and calling out ourselves or someone for being disrespectful or engaging in hurtful behavior will not necessarily guarantee any immediate positive outcomes, but it disrupts the conspiracy of silence, if only for a moment. In the seeing, or the development of insight into self, change is facilitated. Everybody needs to become more conscious of the self, and fine tune how we respond to our emotions, but the point is to accept personal responsibility for our emotions, see how they impact ourselves and others, and make necessary adjustments in course if we have behaved inappropriately. Repression and oppression helps nobody in the long run, though they maintain an order of false peace and control for the status quo. To respond successfully in anger, we need to measure how mindfully we can engage these threats, and successfully group our own thoughts and actions, with others also engaged in the situation, to either fight the oppressors, or to speak our truth, and be heard. We do not engage in mass protests because we want to go for a walk with a bunch of strangers, we engage in protests because we want our voices heard. Channeled anger is an effective, time-tested method for standing up to those who would keep us silent in the face of their own misdeeds. One only needs to review history to see how well the silent sheep held back the Nazi oppressors. If you want to conform to the “spiritual philosophies” of those who did grow up in our country, and did not share in our American Experience, good luck to you. I choose to wisely tend to my own “flock” of thoughts and feelings, and not to become just another follower in someone’s “herd”. I am now a shepherd of my own thoughts and feelings, and not just someone’s lamb.. Anecdotally, we hear of those rare few who have successfully mitigated dark, evil circumstances, through some fortunate “intervention” through prayer, or luck, where those who are attacking us somehow are diverted, and move their aggression elsewhere. Stories of Gandhi’s non-violent protest against British occupancy of India’s lands gets a lot of play in so-called “spiritually aware circles”. Remember, though, the many years of British occupation prior to that stand, and Britain’s diminishing will to keep their empire extended throughout the world. We only need watch the news, or read the paper, to see that these anecdotal stories do not embrace the reality underlying most of the final acts, and resulting actions, of the aggressive ones. Murder, rape, child molesting, intimidation, oppression, misogyny, road rage, terrorism, paternal violence in ALL OF ITS FORMS, keeps manifesting itself, and has throughout all of history. Those who are inspired to make peaceful approaches to these problems must continue, yet, so do those who aggressively confront the forces of oppression and darkness. WE NEED BOTH ENERGIES FOR CHANGE By the way, have you ever noticed how so many of the so-called spiritual savants, or gurus from foreign lands, do not have families? What is the real teaching here, do you think? It is so much easier to talk love and light for all beings, especially when one does not have to deal directly with the most challenging of human relationships. From the middle of 1987 to early 1988, I spent over 6 hours a day in meditation and prayer, and I had very few problems with my relationships with people. I lived in perfect peace and harmony within myself. Also, I had no children, or nobody to call me on my isolation and (potential) loneliness. All in all, it was beautiful for me, yet totally disengaged from the challenges of integration into society, and family and friendship development. I value my time in the “real world”, where the beauty, and the pain, of human existence is my greatest teacher. Mysticism has a place in our world, yet I struggle to find how to best stay in alignment with its ecstasy, and enlightenment, while maintaining a “normal human experience”. Perhaps I will drink again from its deep waters, when I have finally wearied of this world.. If our minds are fed anything other than facts, ESPECIALLY WITHIN ESTABLISHED COMMUNITIES OF HUMAN BEINGS, we are involved in a process known as maya, or illusion creating, and our world(s) tend to end up in chaos. The result is individual, and cultural, hypnosis and schizophrenia, where we can end up losing personal power, and we can be too easily bullied by the wayward opinions and false insights of others. Too often those who claim to have real knowledge are as lost as everybody else, even though they may be claiming righteousness, religious or otherwise. When we try to fit into a situation or setting where our heart tells us we don’t belong, honor those feelings, and investigate where they are coming from. If we feel that we are already “swimming in the divine ocean”, then we can watch, and wait, and see who is swimming with us, and join with them as indicated (or reach out and help lift another up, as they request help). While in the marketplace of human thought and reason, LET THE BUYER BEWARE!. It has taken me many years to speak my truth to our cultural, political, and theological power and knowledge brokers. My enhanced attention to my inner needs and the greater good of all finally took precedence over my own feelings of inadequacy in confronting this collective American life experience about it’s alienating, crazy making communications and relationships, and its collective consciousness, and collective unconsciousness. Our cultural spiritual dementia needed to be challenged, lest we all lapse into deeper degrees of anxiousness, powerlessness, and unreality. Confronting a difficult reality takes more energy than most of us care to bring to the table, yet, not doing so diminishes our own standing in Truth, Life, and Love.. I had very poor training since birth in how to successfully navigate group energy, up to, and including, the whole of society that we all participate in. As a boy, when family discussions turned into arguments, many times I found myself either raising my voice against the angry voice of my father, or retreating into submission and fear at the threat of being attacked for being contrary to the flow. And, I internalized that I was probably wrong anyway, and would be punished if I stepped out and asserted myself too much. I learned that I could undertake less obvious means of rebelling against authority, sometimes through indirect, or obvious, self, or other, destructive behavior.. Passive/aggressive tendencies have haunted me most of my entire life, and becoming “self-aware” has gone a long way to keep me from employing those unskilled coping mechanisms unconsciously, though I am still occasionally haunted by their presence. Having undertaken the inner work of insight, and maintaining mindfulness, and identified those sources of suffering within myself, does not instantaneously remove all of the darkness within. But is also does not remove from me the responsibility to call out those who are the external agents of oppression and repression, no matter how much I might love them or want to protect them, or even to protect myself from the ramifications of asserting what is right, true, or proper in any situation.. Alcoholism, depression, mental illness, murder, suicide, participating in the continued destruction of our sacred Mother Earth, and other manifestations of dis-empowered male energy can be the results of loss of integrity, and stifling ones feelings and voice. And, this is NOT yet another spiritual theory, this is the ACTUALITY of American male life, and of my life. Sitting in meditation, and or quoting other “spiritually enlightened individuals” may have brought me a temporary measure of peace, but this whole process became yet another “opiate”, and it never brought the change required by my spirit for its own emergence into its own unique wholeness. Thoughts and prayers are great preparation for action, but, without action, thoughts and prayers are only mental masturbation.. Ignorance, and its most deadly spawn Evil continues to exist, in spite of Love’s presence, and I will not allow the “wise ones” and their dismissive theories on evil to discourage me from confronting that force, both within myself and within my American culture. It takes a force of will, or an energy FAR transcending those that the absolutist philosophies of unconditional love promote, to address this darkness. Jesus facing the devil in the desert has no value to me, if I do not also face my own “devil”, and our collective “devils”. If I lived in a spiritual “ivory tower”, where I never witness man’s inhumanity to man, then these philosophies might serve my needs. Why would any sane man create more Fake News, deny what they see, and gloss it over with Universal Love, whatever that means? I no longer need permission from “higher powers” to deal with all of our difficult emotions directly and honestly.. It is fascinating to watch what happens in group processes, where the “active issues of the moment” are finally met by the active participants within a closed group. M. Scott Peck had a great understanding of the stages of spiritual growth, as well as how communities respond to challenges within themselves. He coined a term “the dark prophet” for those who take an antagonistic position in regards to a prevailing attitude, concept, or accepted norm established by the community. When those other members within the community are confronted by the perceived “attack”, they immediately go into a defensive posture, and begin the process of self, and other, protection, and scapegoat or marginalize the “dark prophet” who has spoken out against the accepted norms. Unfortunately, in our spiritual and emotional therapy groups, or in the political process itself, the person who speaks out against the so-called prevailing norms is over-analyzed by, or redirected by, those who cannot or will not share in the observation, or insight offered. Eventually, truth will dawn on the rest of the community, but not before an innocent is punished for offering up a contrary truth.. It is not a fun position to be in, to be the “dark prophet”. It is the position of greatest spiritual growth, and evolution, and only for those who have made a decision to separate from the “common knowledge game” of human (mis)understanding. My old tendencies would be to try to hide under the nearest table (figuratively, and literally) to avoid confrontation. Or, I would rather defend the person who is being challenged, rather than consider both or several points of view simultaneously, and doing the real work of healing of conflicting and diverging energies, and the resultant synthesizing of a new group outlook. But, we are dying, and our world is dying, and it is time to speak out about the underlying issues with our culture, and the male consciousness that supports it. The destruction of our planet, and the monetization and dehumanization of our people, especially including the feminine aspect of all humanity, where our feeling nature and divinity lives, will continue unabated until a critical mass of awakening humanity rises up and asserts itself in the face of these assaults against life and human decency.. Without the integration of the divine feminine with our unhealed male consciousness, any hope for a bright future cannot be maintained. I cannot and I will not be led unconsciously to my own spiritual slaughter, and to the slaughter of my Values, Morality, and Ethics that World Patriarchy continues to threaten us all with on a daily basis. The Demon must be recognized, and challenged by all, or prepare for the darkened ending to all that is important to us as an American culture, and as a world civilization.. But, we must strive to keep an equilibrium, between our need to confront the forces of oppression, repression, darkness, and mutual imprisonment, and our need to listen carefully to the needs of those promoting values antithetical to the very spiritual values that we are affirming and practicing in our own lives. A continuing part of our education, and evolution, is dependent upon our willingness not to reject the human being still covered in a darkened shroud, but instead to reject the ideas that the ignorant person is still clinging to. Therein lies the great challenge in communication with spiritual integrity, separating the person from the offending agenda or philosophy.. Those stuck deepest in their own illusions are those most prone to stubbornness in holding onto the ways perceived as threatening to ourselves. The ideas that “God said it, I believe it, and that is all that there is to it!”, and “My country, and its leaders, RIGHT OR WRONG!”, are sure to stimulate a positive response within those who have been raised to, or like to follow authoritarian principles, but for all awakening souls, there may not be a supportive or friendly response. It is best to first pause, before reacting to any offending statement, and wait for a response from the deeper reaches of our heart. Keeping the doors open to dialogue and mutual respect are of primary importance, and not attempting to convert another to our own beliefs, no matter how “wrong” they appear to be, and how “right” we might feel in our minds and hearts.. In our attempt to be “heard”, we instead try to program people, unconsciously, to behave and react more in accordance with our expectations. When they don’t (they rarely do, unless they are our impressionable young children), we are very disappointed, and feel rejected, and, in the absolute, we feel betrayed by the sum total of exchanges between the parties.. We just can’t quiet our minds long enough to listen with our hearts to what is being said, and respond accordingly with our heart. We are much too eager to respond with ego programmed responses, which, typically, are based on incomplete perceptions or someone else’s ‘knowledge’, and it remains our attempt to control each others’ experience through linking our own unhealed energy with their own.. We, as the human race, keep layering ourselves and our ideas upon what somebody else is saying, rather than meeting the being where they are, and responding according to the dictates of our “heart center”, which in most people, ESPECIALLY MEN, has been scabbed over by our own early emotional and spiritual wounds. Men typically inflict their own wounded natures on everybody else, in subtle, or not so subtle ways. Usually, this manifests in dominating, or being dominated, by others. Philosophies of oppression, and of the monetization of reality, arise out of this wounding. Women are usually victimized as well as all people with sensitive natures.. When our personalities have been formed by the layering of our egos upon the “unnamed, unrecognized dark energy”, we end up with an energy exchange dynamic where we “project” our dysfunction onto others, and make them wrong for it, not recognizing that we were the source of our misplaced judgement.. There is a new possibility for bringing change to our world, including all of those people who blindly follow the paths of their past, and their collective and individual dysfunction. It takes much patience and perseverance, and in our new world order of instantaneous image and information exchange through our social media platforms, it can be frustrating to remain engaged with the so-called “other side of the argument” people. What I have noted from my own relationships with those that I love, and who are not yet in that more perfect place that I aspire to be with them in, if I keep an image of how things can change and heal between two or more parties, many times that energy eventually helps to inform all parties, and we all tend to change together, for the greater good of all.. I do not want a life that has been lived in vain. I see a world where the majority of us still suffer from the same, basic issues that I have tried to describe here. Even among some people closest to me, denial reigns supreme, and though I have only a small measure of hope that the “personal truth” that I am trying to convey here will actually be heard, and applied by others that I care about (which now includes the entirety of our planet Earth), I have enough hope to spend many hundreds of hours writing this material down..“There is something fundamental here.”. As a baby, my parents placed a blanket around my baby body, and deposited me in a car in their garage so that my father could get at least 5 hours of sleep a night. My father was “chasing the American Dream”, and worked two jobs at the time.. I don’t need to remind any of my loved ones of the profoundly damaging effects of denying love and interactive time to a developing human being. What I might need to remind myself at times is that others, no matter what their age, or how much that I think that I know them, deserve my undivided attention, as they attempt to reveal who they are in this moment..It is funny, sometimes when I share some of my creative work, I still get the very strong impression that some “important” people in my life just don’t have the time to listen.. Another clue about our own, or the others’ listening intention, is when we try to share a “profound life event”, and are immediately “run over” by another with more knowledge of the subject. Sometimes we, or the other, either have “too much book knowledge”, we have the “certificate”, we already have read about it on the internet, we have memorized something from a class that we already took, or we have a friend who has already “been there, done that!”. Trust me on this one. If I do not want to grow anymore, I will stop listening to what others are really trying to say. If i don’t want to be of service to my fellow-man/woman, I can just stop listening to what they are trying to express, and just “layer my own ignorance” and judgement, over somebody else, and not let them reveal to me who they Really Are in this special moment. Our President, and many of our politicians, are masters at this. Please don’t inflict this same treatment on the ones you love. It is like putting a blanket around our heart and soul, and putting us into the car, so that those with a dehumanizing or monetizing philosophy can continue to oppress others, while keeping themselves spiritually asleep.. We all deserve to be listened to. I don’t need to remind any of my loved ones of the potential of the damaging impacts to our relationships with others, by merely not taking the time to listen with our hearts, to the other’s deepest meaning. Most of my closest connections already practice this, and do not intentionally ignore the needs of others.. We are all developing human beings, no matter what our age. And, we are all God’s children, and God speaks through us, whether we can hear the “truth”, or not. Sometimes the “truth” is so difficult to hear, that we shut down emotionally, and we either ignore what is said, or substitute our own story for what the “other” is trying to communicate. And, the most difficult of emotions, such as anger, we all must become more proficient in expressing, as well as developing the capacity to listen to it being expressed by others.. And, perhaps the most important point of all, is that we must be willing to listen to ourselves. Our anger is NOT bad. We do not need to feel shame for feeling anger. We do not have to feel guilt for feeling anger. We do not have to oppress ourselves, and repress our sacred selves, in order to fit into the small box of another person’s limited understanding of how we should be. We do not need to smoke pot to hide from our feelings of anger. We do not need to shoot heroin in our desire to wait for another day and time when our anger is not overpowering us. We do not need to drink ourselves to death to escape our most difficult of emotions.. We do need to begin the difficult journey of understanding ourselves, forgiving ourselves and others, and becoming mindful of the triggers that take us away from our peace of mind. And we must remember that anger is a very effective tool that has the potential to move mountains, and change behaviors. Those who have learned how to channel their anger effectively have risen up to become some of the world’s greatest leaders, and forces for positive change. Those who have failed in that mission continue to create all manners of darkness and ignorance. A Skillful Relationship With Anger Can Be Healthy For All Of Us Most of us are taught from a very early age that anger is a ‘bad’ emotion. Where are told to manage it, to keep it in check. And so, most of us learn to ignore it—to shove our angry feelings deep, deep down where they won’t upset anyone. But censoring our anger isn’t healthy. In fact, finding a way to improve our relationship with anger can be tremendously beneficial. First off, it is important to remember that there are no ‘bad’ emotions. Each of our feelings is a valid form of experience. They are all completely human, and none of them are innately ‘bad’. It’s how we handle and express those feelings that truly matters. With anger, many of us tend to lose our cool—scream, stomp, punch, fume. That’s destructive anger. But if we redefine our relationship to anger, expressing it can actually be an incredibly positive experience—meaning our anger can actually be productive. When Anger Can Be Useful Here are three powerful ways that anger can be supportive and healthy. 1. Acknowledging and expressing anger is an agent for growth.. Think of anger as a force for positive change in our life. It can provide insights to our deepest values… as well as our deepest faults. By becoming aware of these parts of our self and expressing them in a healthy way, we can actually grow and evolve as a person. There may be a lot of discomfort in experiencing and acknowledging anger—but we’ll come out the other side a wiser, better version of our self. 2. It is a real motivator Without anger, you might not ever take action to address the things that truly upset you. Anger is a very clear sign that you are not happy with something in life, and it can provide the fire you need to roll your sleeves up and do something about it. Being mad can be good for society; it motivates us to work toward positive change. It was a major force behind the American Revolution, the women’s suffragette movement, the abolition of slavery and the labor movement. 3. It elevates what is important to us in our minds Every time we feel a little twinge of anger, it’s like a gentle reminder to prioritize what we value most. Maybe we’ve been letting people walk all over us at work or in a family setting. Maybe we feel like your partner isn’t pulling their weight around the house. That feeling of anger could simply mean we desire respect and appreciation. Anger is never truly about the small things that light our fuses. It speaks to a greater truth about what we value in life. By taking anger as an opportunity to step back and audit our lives, we can ensure that we continue to live true to our most deeply held beliefs. Anger definitely has its upsides. The important thing is to check in with and release our anger in a healthy manner on a regular basis. Shoving our feelings away to fester can lead to a build up of anger, which leads to prolonged irritability, road rage, and other explosive behaviors. Consulting a professional is appropriate if we have a history of struggling with our anger. When we confront our anger early on, perhaps through a calm discussion or some journaling, it can be the kick start that we need to grow and freely express our self. Yes, it can be an uncomfortable emotion to come to terms with, but getting a little angry can be an incredibly useful thing.

One of the greatest insights that I have made is a direct result of a science class that I attended in fourth grade. Mr Hill, our Principal and co-teacher of the fourth grade class, was going to perform an experiment, and he wanted to teach the students about the power of observation. Each member of the class was to record everything they observed onto a note pad, so as to completely describe what they had witnessed. He had heated a portable electric stove. He then grabbed with some insulated tongs a thin sheet of metal and set it onto the burner. The metal immediately began to distort in size, and became quite disfigured, and the metal no longer looked like it did before. I watched, yet I had no words to describe what it was that I had just witnessed. I had never seen anything like that before, and I was struck dumb by it. I saw two kids writing feverishly on either side of me, and in my need to be accepted, “fit in” and not look stupid I looked at each of the two student’s writings, and saw how they described the event. I used their expressions to help me to create my own descriptions. At an early age I saw how dependent that I was on other people to give a description about events that I did not have the words for. As a result, I have seen how the mystery of life can sometimes get overrun by society’s need to establish and maintain a continuity of reality and a shared understanding of events between all of its members. Someone else had the description of what I could not yet describe, so I used second-hand words to fill in the gap. Extrapolate this need to fit in and to belong to all collective gatherings of human life, including religion, politics, and society, and it is easily seen the potential foundation for illusion within all such bodies of experience. The description is never the actual event, yet those who did not have the experience, copy and worship the description, and overlook the event that may be still happening right under their noses. They have never developed the capacity and/or the willingness, to give their own unique description of an event, they are in fear of offering a different or contrary version of the event, or they have never witnessed the event itself. I have investigated limited aspects of human collective consciousness, finding that through accessing our common knowledge, there are many unconscious or unwritten rules for engagement between all members of society, in addition to the conscious and/or written ones.. The unconscious rules have been with us from the beginning, well before the introduction of mega-cities and civilizations, when mankind first falteringly attempted to both explore and to define inner experience. The conscious “rules” or laws have been developed over the last two hundred or more generations with the intention of establishing and maintaining the best order and harmony for the ever enlarging populations congregating together into the structure of cities or settlements. Hammurabi’s code of conduct and the Ten Commandments of the Old Testament are two great examples from our distant past of the documentation and implementation of rules defining acceptable conduct. The human race may continue to evolve in spirit and in truth as long as it is able to provide a minimum foundation of safety and security for all of its members, so it is important to remember that not all requirements to conform are misguided or evil in intent. A great allegory for the social behavior of humans is that of the story of the life cycle of some populations of lemmings. Lemmings are little rodents that live near the cold northern Arctic regions. They are focused animals by nature, meeting only to mate and then going their separate ways, but like all rodents, they have a high reproductive rate when food is plentiful. When population density becomes too high, some of the lemming species migrate in large quantities and since they can swim, they choose to cross the water in search of a new habitat. Lemmings have been known to follow each other as they plunge off the edge of cliffs into the water below. Even though lemmings have been found to be “swimming migrants” rather than victims of collective suicidal ideation, the myth of mass suicide is still called the Lemming Effect. Regardless of the lemmings real intentions, the lemming story has become a metaphor for people who go along unquestioningly with a group, with potentially dangerous consequences. The “Lemming Effect” is an innate psychological phenomenon, a survival trait, an inborn instinct in the majority of people. We see this happening in many occurrences from bad collective investment decisions such as the dot com boom of the late 1990’s, craving the latest Apple I Phone releases, excessive alcohol consumption at a party, following theological assertions such as “the blood of Jesus is the sacrifice to God that saves our soul”, following the latest dispensations from the “spiritual masters”, to modern day automobile and fashion trends. This Lemming Effect enables entire segments of a society to lose their sense of judgment and the application of personal wisdom all at the same time. It can be linked to the “mob mind” phenomenon inherent within collective consciousness itself. Anybody who has witnessed a Trump rally understands this mindset, and the participant may feel threatened, or even be appalled by such crowd behavior if not presently an active member of the violent tribe.. If you have ever been a member in good standing in the problem drinking division at the local bar, you have intimate understanding of the suspension of wisdom and good judgement with your drinking decisions, as well. It is of greatest importance to realize that no man, or woman, is an island in this vast universe, and that our perception of harmony and balance is inextricably intertwined with the rest of humanity. No matter how healed, balanced, or empowered we believe that we are becoming, we are eternally linked with the rest of humanity, and the universe, in our attempts to create order or balance out of our own unique versions of the collective chaos known as human knowledge. The temptation to follow the herd, or to swim with the lemming, is built right into the foundational nature of our socialized existence. We don’t realize how often our decisions are based on other people’s behavior. Lemming effect depicts a negative side of the conscious following of the crowd, especially when following leads to falling off the cliff. In real life situations it could mean losses of money, self identity and slower spiritual development. As it might sound easy to grasp the concept, it is difficult to notice in our own actual behavior. Moreover, social togetherness is sometimes very pleasant and valuable, for instance at a rock concert where one man starts to dance, then few people join and once the critical 10-20 people threshold is passed, massive amounts of people may join the dance.. It is a pleasant example of a positive manifestation of the lemming effect. It is all part of the process of making our unconscious parts more conscious, which must also bring awareness that mass behavior does not always result in positive experience for the individual. Lets take the stock market dot-com bubble implosion in 1999-2001 and a recent real estate/collateralized debt obligation bond fiasco in 2007-2009, which also caused another stock market crash. Many investors were too emotional, irrational and instead of conducting the research themselves, followed the commonly accepted level of valuation. Believing that our world is always operating effectively and efficiently in short time periods results in the lazy approach of following what others do. A take away from this situation is that we each must remain vigilant in our awareness, and that we cannot walk individually, or join in the stampede as may be the case, on the same path as the others and be guaranteed that we will retain our integrity. From a spiritual development perspective, following the masses could mean loosing our individuality, feeling anxious, uncomfortable and discontented. For instance, if the most popular educational program in universities happened to be engineering and we choose engineering while ignoring our true desires, this could lead to some serious cognitive dissonance. The supporting rationale that we have the best grades and this career would please our father the most may lead in unhappy directions. Many of us fail to perform sufficient research of what studies would fit us the best. Our choices could result in the premature termination of our studies, or worse, finishing the studies and then having to be retrained to work in a different field. I have pointed out a very real phenomenon here, as my educational life was directed through this very same unconscious process. The lemming effect is not that far from pleasant, life affirming social togetherness, but the effect has some potential negative effects that we need to be aware at all times. It is healthy and wise to participate in social movements, but we must not lose our heads in the emotions. We must be critical of the movements of the crowd that are going against our vision and values. Also, we must do the research, and even experiment with unpopular ideas, before deciding that any massive new movement is for us. It is important not to ignore the “leading edge” movements, because accidentally standing on the way of the movement could bring harm to us or others. On the other hand, we could have a very good experience with the lemming effect, if played well. This is one of the aspects where an aware individual can play the common knowledge game and “lemming effect” to maximum personal benefit, without changing the collective rules of engagement. Our politicians, marketers and advertisers, and religious leaders have harnessed the power of the “lemming effect”, and our entire world civilization continues to be manipulated, for good or for evil, by these practitioners. Anyone care to take a plunge into the water from a cliff, or go for a long swim? Like lemmings, we are all migrants, albeit spiritual migrants, until we find our unique spiritual home. Once we have found our truth, we may follow our heart and our intelligence, and if that means following the herd for the moment, so be it. But if it means leading the herd, or even leaving the herd for a time, we must be ready to answer the call, as it may lead to all manners of healing and spiritual prosperity. But what about those whose insanity leads them into isolated worlds, totally devoid of connection with the healing potential of a positive, socialized experience? What about those who cannot swim with other “spiritually aware and evolving lemmings?” Not everybody appears to have equal access to our infinite spiritual potentials. Had my first wife Donelle, a most beautiful human being, not been severely traumatized as a youth, a much different life experience might have occurred, and many, many people would have benefited by Donelle’s conscious presence in her own unique, spiritual experience of life, healing, and humanity. Many of our children are destined to journeys through abuse, darkness, isolation, abandonment, and insanity, because those are the qualities that permeate the minds of our unconscious parents. We can all quote from the Bible, Koran, Talmud, Bhagavad Gita, or the sayings of the “enlightened masters” such as the Buddha, Jesus Christ, Mohammed, or more recently J. Krishnamurti, the Dalai Lama, OR ALL OTHERS, for the rest of eternity, but until we face ourselves and our diseased minds directly and honestly, NO TRANSFORMATIONAL CHANGE WILL OCCUR. The same is true for our country, and for our world. Our children pay a horrible price for our dark, ignorant projections of our selves, and our unfulfilled needs. Each child deserves ultimate respect and love, or they eventually become just another dead illusion of our culture’s aging, decaying, conditioned mind. The insight gained through mindful self-examination can erase the blocks to Love’s awareness, and imbue all life with a new meaning. And our children can be seen for the Spirit that they really are, and be allowed to grow into the magnificent beings that they were meant to be, without the detours to greatness that poor parenting introduces. I will see you, and be with you for as long as necessary, on the “Dark Side Of The Moon”, until Light is brought to our world, and our children cease to be the victims of our oppressive, abusive natures. Our children deserve much better love, care, and concern than the vast majority of the parents with culturally conditioned insanity can attempt to give. While incarnated into human form, with our poorly illuminated human minds, we can only witness the projections of our minds. All that we will ever see, unto whatever eternity that we can possibly conceive of, is our self, so the most important question for each day is “how will I see myself today?” The answer to that question determines whether I can see through the eyes of the truth of this moment, or just the limited eyes of the past.

Traumatic experiences keep us pilloried to our troubled pasts, and chained to the sources of suffering. Healing is not so certain for those whose psychological damage is so profound. I have both witnessed and experienced great benefit from many people who have meditated upon their own unique illness and suffering, and we have had, literally, our trauma points reveal themselves to us, sometimes taking the form of actual ‘beings” who have taken residence within the body/mind of the sufferer. We created those beings, yet reject them through a process of disassociation. They thus float through our consciousness as though they are independent all the while directly influencing all aspects of our lives. Many days, I am not a proud member of the human race. Sometimes, I am appalled and disgusted by my male peers, and most times I want nothing to do with oversexed and all overly aggressive men. Men are the serial killers, they are the rapists, they are the ones wielding assault rifles, they are the ones terrorizing innocent people. There was a time when I would have lifted my fists against the aggressors, but a broken hand and broken collarbone proved to me that my structure could not support the war on Patriarchy and its ugly spawn, the damaged male ego and its addiction to its “penis power”. I continue to write about the vile, damaged parts of consciousness of the American male, much to the distress and consternation of some of my readers, past and present. I also know that there is a tender, loving, compassionate component to the male consciousness, and that is the part the I celebrate with all people seeking healing from our sometimes evil world, the world created by dark men and their twisted fantasies of domination and control. I will no longer remain silent. I confront darkness wherever it lies, even if it is within my own soul. For men, the big problem is not that we get erections, it is that we unskillfully manage ourselves in self-destructive and other destructive manners. Too many men live in a dark world dominated by their own genitals, the fantasies entertained in the privacy of their dark minds, and their own unskilled relationship to their own sexuality. I will not idly stand by while my peers abuse their family members, their female friends or acquaintances, or their world, because my heart will not allow it. Abuse in any form is unacceptable behavior, and the issues behind it must continue to be addressed by our awakening culture. I have left several male friendships because of spousal abuse or significant other abuse, and abandoning these friendships were some of the most excruciating, difficult actions that I have undertaken in my life. I have literally felt my heart tear from its moorings as I severed loving relationships with two men from my men’s group experience who either were active abusers or enablers. Most mentally ill people would benefit greatly from trauma therapy. I remain hopeful that all mentally ill people will find a measure of healing for themselves, once the conditions for the application of that miracle are better supported within our society, or are mastered by individual healers within consciousness, and integrated within our collective experience. Creating the basic conditions that support emotional and spiritual growth might be beneficial to the entirety of our human race. Men, and women have basic needs regarding personal safety, security, and placement within the society. Here are some simple, and not so simple, human needs coupled with spiritual intention:

• To belong, to feel safe while belonging, including the desire to help and protect others while helping oneself,
• To speak up, and feel like we really were heard, and not have our spirit layered over with others’ errors in reasoning and judgement,
• To be able to listen to another at the deepest level possible, and be present in the spirit of understanding, cooperation, and collaboration.
• To feel whole, and to be able to recognize that wholeness, not only within ourselves, but within all others, even those living in alternative realities.
• To love all others, as well as to be accepted, and loved, with as few conditions attached as possible. Unconditional love was never meant to be reserved just for a mothers’ love for her child, so it is a great evolutionary objective to attempt to be a channel for it.
• To evolve, for if we do not, we become subject to the forces of friction and chaos inherent within a closed mind, and system, resulting in higher physical and mental disease and dysfunction.

FAILURE TO HONOR THESE NEEDS WILL RESULT IN THE CONTINUATION OF OUR PRESENT DAY CULTURAL CHAOS AND DYSFUNCTION, WITH LITTLE POTENTIAL FOR OUR NATIONAL HEALING. I want to thank my present wife (of 25 years) Sharon White, who has provided constant compassionate support for both me, and for Donelle, while she was still present and active in my life up to 1996. Her understanding and love for me, and open heart response to my first wife, helped me immensely in my own healing. The truth is that we are not yet free; we have merely achieved the freedom to be free, the right not to be oppressed. We have not taken the final step of our journey, but the first step on a longer and even more difficult road. For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. The true test of our devotion to freedom is just beginning. —-Nelson Mandela Toxic Energy, and Masculinity Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground. They want rain without thunder and lightning. They want the ocean without the awful roar of its many waters. – Frederick Douglass Far too many men engage in our cultural conspiracy of silence daily, which is a most deadly component of the common knowledge shared by men. These include the following admonitions:

• don’t talk
• don’t tell
• don’t touch
• don’t feel
• don’t engage
• don’t listen
• don’t socialize
• don’t change
• don’t heal

My male heritage and my experiences as both a son to a often times toxic father, and working with many damaged men in the electrical trades and in general employment, provided the background for most of my writing . Patriarchy, as expressed through men as a collective consciousness, is responsible for creating the present day conditions of our diseased world. Men in power would rather have our neighbors, wives and children assaulted, raped, overdosed through drug use, or murdered through gun violence, than to promote and enforce healing changes. We need more women in positions of power and influence, and men need to get in touch with their potential for toxic behavior and attitudes, and begin to make necessary course changes in their hearts and souls. The abhorrent behavior of Donald Trump, the poster boy and face for toxic male stupidity and darkness, as well as his supporting cast of damaged characters, has become the de-facto leader of the energy of toxic masculinity.. If we as a culture, and me as an individual, don’t speak out, and affirm to ourselves, and to others, what the truth really is to us, then eventually the hypnosis and propaganda of others may become our own collective reality, and continue to overtly influence our personal integrity, community relationships and overall spirituality. The historical legacy of the American white man’s ignorance and evil, and his support network of unconscious, disempowered, fearful and/or cowardly family and community members, continues even up till today. Subservient women, often times religiously inculcated to be that way, continue to follow their husband’s lead, and as a group remain one of the leading populations of unconscious support for continued unhealthy male dominance. Yet, women remain the number one oppressed group of humanity, though the blacks/African Americans, native American Indians, and other racial and ethnic groups have not escaped the grasp of white male privilege, masquerading as American Christianity inspired capitalism and politics. Here are some principles of toxic masculinity that I found live in our collective consciousness, and which also lived in unconscious domains of my own mind and heart. I have exaggerated them, and linked them with common monetary, sexual, and personal power dynamics. And yes, these principles, or variations of these themes, are part of the Common Knowledge Game fundamentals for erroneous understanding of self and other. If they appear to mimic some of the values and principle’s underlying Donald Trump’s abhorrent behavior, then you are already paying close attention to our collective consciousness, and its dangerous and sometimes catastrophic influence on the affairs of humanity throughout our history.

1. I am the center of the Universe. The rest of humanity is here either for my pleasure, for my profit, or for my disdain. I may attend a church occasionally, so that I can create the impression that I worship a higher power than myself. But, I already know that there is no higher power but me. HUMILITY IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME, and is only for the poor and weak among us.
2. Truly loving another human being is a sign of weakness, and thus I must continue to suppress all such impulses so that I can achieve my selfish goals. I will carry on a campaign of hatred, judgement, and condemnation of all people unlike myself, all the while claiming to represent their interests at the highest level of my being (with subtlety, if one is of the passive/aggressive nature) . The ignorant people populating my world will hopefully associate my hateful behavior with their understanding of what love is, thus damaging the hearts and souls of all who may fear, respect, and/or follow me. My schizophrenia will be confusing to others, but may still be normalized, as others that I have influenced model and support my behavior.
3. People, and Mother Nature itself, are most valuable if they can be monetized. If I can’t make money from my relationship with people or our natural surroundings, then I don’t necessarily need them. They will have to prove that they belong in my life in some other selfish, self-serving ways. I choose to neglect the long term effects of my short sighted thinking, because now is the only moment to profit from others, and from the Earth.
4. Never admit that I am wrong. Always blame somebody else for my problems. The admission of guilt is a sign of weakness, and only for those who do not have sufficient monetary and legal power. I don’t need your forgiveness for my mistakes, because, as far as you should be concerned, I do not ever make mistakes.
5. I have a right to choose how much drugs and alcohol that I consume. I do not need feedback from others telling me that I am abusing my medicine and/or alcohol. I have earned the right to drink as much as I feel like, because I have so much stress in my life, and I make so many sacrifices that I deserve an extra break and release through excessive alcohol and;/or drug consumption. I do not have a problem, and if you think that I have a problem with my chemicals, then it is your misunderstanding, and not my own.
6. Never spend any time in self-reflection or meditation. Developing insight is difficult and time-consuming, and I have more important things to do I am already perfect, I always have been perfect, and everybody else needs to change to accommodate my needs. If I am not “perfect” today, I always have someone, or something, else to blame.
7. I have a right to use my strong emotions to intimidate and threaten anybody that I need to in order to get my way. My anger is a weapon, to be wielded whenever necessary, and its expression is my first selection from my arsenal of control tools in manipulating and controlling my world.
8. If I can’t get my way with another human being, then I will cajole or bully them into submission, or attack their name and character, and/or impugn their dignity, until they either submit, or are discredited by my allies.
9. Everybody unlike me should be distrusted. Relationships built through mutual trust and collaboration can be threatening to my short-term goals, and should not be cultivated, as only alliances of hate and distrust are capable of bringing me to my goals.
10. The women in our lives are more suited to be our personal possessions than self-sufficient, independent people, and are not to be treated as equals, and are better suited for exploitation for family support, sexual purposes and/or economic gain.
11. If I can’t get my way through truth-telling, then the telling of lies becomes my most potent weapon. If I am caught in a lie, then it is only your misunderstanding of my point, and not what I said, that is wrong. If I tell the same lie often enough, then people will start to accept the lie as the truth.
12. If there is no conflict currently in progress, then I must start creating the conditions for the next one, and socially position myself so that I can maximize emotional profits and visibility for myself.
13. I never will obtain enough money, power, sex, or attention to keep me happy. I must continue to pursue these needs to extremes in order to keep me from becoming depressed and losing my sense of personal value in this world. If I achieve my goals, and I am still unhappy, I must set new goals to attempt to fill that big hole in my heart and soul.
14. The powers of my penis reigns supreme. When it is erect, it always points me in the right direction, regardless of the people who may be hurt by my wayward sexual desires. My self-esteem is dependent on how many women that I can convince to make love to me, and nobody is immune from my advances. One is too many, and a thousand is not enough, when it comes to sexual conquests.
15. I am the king of my home. I have created my kingdom to serve my selfish needs. If my rules are not honored, and my intentions for the family do not hold up, and family members start to stray, I will coerce, cajole, or threaten all wayward members with violence, if necessary. The family must stay together under my control, no matter what the cost to others might be.
16. Perfectionism and full control of others should not be mutually exclusive propositions. I will judge, criticize, and condemn others, and myself, as needed, to bring all of my world into alignment with how I think that it should be. I will compare and contrast my wealth and success with others to establish the best baseline for my expectations and behavior. My wife and my children are first and foremost my possessions. I will direct and control as necessary, and nobody else has any right to criticize my choices in how I provide and care for them. My whole sense of self-esteem is derived by how deeply they honor and obey me, without argument or back talk. I do not want or need alternate points of view, as my view is the only view that is relevant.
17. If those closest to me engage in betrayal, and destroy my sacred relationship with my family, I must avenge myself, and destroy all who have threatened my life and values. My wife is my property, and my property alone. If she should ever have an affair with another man, I reserve the right to punish her and my family, up to, and including, murdering them. If I must die in the process, it is a good death for me.
18. Self sabotage is my unconscious need, as I fail to achieve my goals. It is my right to destroy my creations even as I destroy myself, so murder-suicide is an acceptable option in the extreme, when my needs have been dishonored, and I feel that I have no more options to achieve my goals, and improve my life situation. Some men just want to watch the world burn, and others will pay a price if they try to get in my self-destructive way.
19. I have been a failure since I never measured up to my father’s, my church’s, or my society’s standards. I will continue to self-sabotage my success at ever bend in life’s road, and I will see life as a self-fulfilling prophesy of incompleteness and loss. I will not even question that my life has other possibilities for it, and I will resign myself to my depressing fate.
20. I reserve the right to murder anybody, when it suits my needs to protect myself. I will justify my possession and use of firearms through quoting the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution, as well as pointing to the fear and threats in our world, and our country as my own justification for stockpiling weapons. I will not listen to reason, as my mind is made up, and you can have my weapons after “prying them from my cold, dead hands” (thanks to the NRA, and the late mega-asshole Charlton Heston).

This list is the abbreviated list, as aspects of our collective selfishness covers the entire range of human darkness. Men burdened by toxicity tend towards sexism, racism, isolation, poor judgement against all others unlike themselves, and low self-esteem, while men moving towards spiritual healing tend to unite with others in peace and mutual acceptance, and a willingness to share an improving sense of their self with the world. Defender Dan “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― C.G. Jung Guns, gold, gore, greed, gonads, and girls. . . . how much is enough, American male? In the 1950’s and 1960’s, America’s economy was booming, and our country also grew into its role as world policeman, which followed its involvement in World War II. As a country, it was pleasant to think of ourselves as the defenders of freedom and liberty, and the liberator of the damned, especially after its world saving performance of WWII. The Defender Dan story serves as an allegory for my understanding of the American male experience of the brain and its function, and the “Baby Boomer” generation in general, of which I am a qualified member. I have inserted a picture of Defender Dan, a toy machine gun which was produced and marketed in the 1960’s, and which continues to carry immense symbolic value for me. Defender Dan was a plastic and metal representation for a powerful tool of war, and served our culture’s need to normalize and promote aggressive role playing behavior for males. This machine delivered simulated death by plastic bullets, and was a manifestation of the cultural perception that a need for such violent toys existed. The promotion of the use of these toy weapons happened concurrently with the execution of the Vietnam War, but one can review history to see that in each era that there has been war, there has also been toy guns made available for children. These toy weapons represent our culture’s unconscious support for common knowledge based attack/defense postures and the mutual bullying behaviors that frequently appear in human relationships. Symbolically, these weapons helped to prepare our male population for continuing as unconscious human beings, who, when feeling threatened, would rather “shoot first, and ask questions later”. This toy perfectly represents the tool for manifesting that intention. Men, especially those from lower economic and educational backgrounds, were to be enforcement agents and soldiers for war, for our American economic and philosophical imperialism. Psychologically susceptible American boys, through the practice with and the use of such toy weapons were being prepared to continue in their father’s footsteps. Our leaders stressed that our international bullying behavior was intended to enhance world peace and protect individual freedom and liberties. The clinging to and the use of “adult versions” of weapons of war by spiritually underdeveloped citizens such as white supremacist terrorists, shows the power of the potential for evil arising from excess fear and the perceived need for protection from the effects of one’s errant philosophies. My physical relationship with Defender Dan began in 1968. At that time, my mother worked at the Oak Lodge Fire Department as a dispatcher. The department had an annual toy drive, where they collected and distributed donated toys to disadvantaged children within the local community. One of the toys donated was called a Defender Dan Machine Gun. It was not a new toy, as it had “minor damage” that made it an acceptable toy only for a boy, and a father with mechanical skills, who might be able to troubleshoot and repair it. It was reckoned that there would be a real disappointment to a family if the toy was given to them and they could not fix it, so the toy was pulled from the pool of gifts. My mother asked for it, and she was “gifted” with the defective toy, which she gave to me for a Christmas gift.. I was thirteen years old at the time, and when I opened up the gift at Christmas, I thought that I might be a “little too old” to be receiving and playing with a toy gun, even one as massive as this huge gun. I mean, this thing took up a lot of space (as do hurtful and self-destructive and other-destructive thoughts and judgements within our minds)! It was quite an intimidating looking piece of hardware. I set the machine gun up, and proceeded to fire about 20 plastic bullets at my sister (also symbolic of the fact that all war is fratricide) before the gun jammed up internally, and it would only misfire after that. Some friends of my parents showed up with their teenage daughter to visit, and it was then requested that I move the machine of war to the basement, much to my sister’s and to my parent’s relief.. I was confused as to what was expected from me. Why was I given something to play with that had known problems? Didn’t I deserve something that was new and perfect? My dad was disinterested in helping me fix it, and, in fact, he was not mechanically inclined enough to offer much help. I certainly did not have a fully developed skill package in troubleshooting and repairing this fairly complex mechanical system, but I liked a good challenge, and I thought that this endeavor might be worthwhile. Ann C., a daughter of the friends of my parents, came downstairs to talk with me, while her parents continued to talk with mine. I tried one final time to get Defender Dan to work, but I could not get it to function properly and with consistency. I began dismantling it, trying to understand how it worked so that I could find the problem and attempt to repair it. And I also thought that I might be able to impress Ann just a little bit, if I were to succeed in fixing the machine. Dad came downstairs and saw the gun parts spread all over the basement floor, accused me of destroying the gift, and then proceeded to remove his belt, and whip the hell out of me, right in front of Ann. That one hurt a lot of different ways, for sure. In one sense I succeeded, because I am sure that the sight of a thirteen year old boy getting his ass beat with a belt was impressive. I was horribly shamed, with the feeling of shame not being unusual to me. Defender Dan, and all of the supporting behavior and attitudes behind its existence, was to become synonymous with fear, and shame, in my own mind. My response to my father’s attack was to give up troubleshooting and repairing the toy. I did not treasure Defender Dan, and after my initial attempts at its repair failed, and my father’s shaming behavior, I took that as further affirmation of my lack of competence and value, so I took a hammer to the toy, smashing it into smaller, more useless pieces. “Some men just want to watch the world burn”, and this is one example of that principle in action, and why it arises in the first place. I placed the heap into the garbage can, while trying to forget about my latest “failure”. I then moved onto the next challenge facing me as a thirteen year old young man, which was to come up with a good story that might prevent another beating. Designers and builders of machinery , or creators of ideas or new forms of art, are encouraged and empowered by their society and their own “creator within” to bring into the world of form their latest creations. Creators are happiest when they actually bring something new, or an updated version of the old, into the world. With the power of creation carrying us across the ocean of life, we can’t help but use that power to make idols, icons, and images that represent that which we are grateful for, or what has given us protection or sustenance. I am sure that fathers over the history of humanity have given crude versions of their primary tools of trade or weapons of war to their boys since the idea of gifting first arose. And, the father encouraged the boys interest in protecting himself, his family, and in a more recent evolutionary development, even his ideology. Yet I have to wonder how giving the gift of fear, isolation, shame, aggression, and the potential for violence is really the highest quality gift that our “creator” has to offer to us Each human child is dependent upon the quality of love, safety, and prosperity of the family household, and these are primary factors that greatly influence a growing child’s evolutionary path through consciousness. The parents are by intention also designers, builders, and co-creators of the early life and consciousness of the new child, even if it is the DNA that determines a greater portion of the heritage. My father spent five years at a local university learning about psychology, child development, logic, philosophy and religion, and yet his successful mastering of these subjects in school did not translate into insight as to how to best parent his children. My mother studied Dr. Spock and others, yet did not develop the insight necessary to know that placing a blanket wrapped crying baby in a car in the garage at night until dad left for work so that he could sleep missed the bulls eye for perfect child care by the widest of margins. All creators strive for perfection, and most parents are no exceptions, yet that desire for excellence is difficult to identify in dysfunctional families, especially by children who were negatively impacted by chronic parental mismanagement. Victims of wounding carry the pain well into adulthood, and even unto death, in situations where the trauma is never made conscious or gets addressed in a loving, healing manner. I never have met the lucky ones who had the perfect birth, infancy, and childhoods. Like me, childhood was probably a mixed bag for the majority of people on this planet. And, there are a few of us who were born physically handicapped, and it leaves us to wonder why human biological creative energy manifested itself in such a unique way. These physical handicaps are visible to all who look their way. And, those who transcend their physical handicaps are honored for their courage, and their achievements in life. Yet, what about the rest of us, who may have been born with another type of handicap, a handicap of the human spirit, caused by a diseased culturally inculcated consciousness? I might have been born with a predisposition towards an overly ignorant, fearful mind, or those deficiencies could have evolved from my parent’s faltering attempts at nurturing. I do know that I was handed and told to repair a ‘defective piece of equipment” over the course of my education as a young person. Just what was this “defective piece of equipment” that I am referring to? Of course I am referring to self-destructive mental programming created through societal, historical and genetic predispositions , cultural conditioning, individual and collective ignorance, and all vitriolic, bullying, war-mongering behaviors.The “piece” consisted of poor self esteem, and a sense of being ignored, undervalued, and lonely. I was hyperactive, restless and discontented, and I suffered from a feeling of not being heard or fully accepted as a child. I would let the immune system of my mind run overtime, resulting in excessive attacks against myself and others, and excessive posturing in passive/aggressive approaches to insecure and troubled relationships My parents and my culture made their compelling arguments for trying to convince me that their paths and understandings were righteous, and I just needed to become mature enough to understand and find where I fit in this challenging place. All that I know is that the world sure appeared to be a fucked up place. And those who have successfully adapted to this fucked up place sure don’t like to be told the truth that they are also living in a fucked up place, and that their adjustments with and accommodations to the fucked up world keep the world, as well as their own puny little life, all fucked up, whether they are aware of that fact, or not.. My parents and my culture told me to become the best person that I could be. Yet, they insisted that I make do with their conflicted standards of understanding and behavior, adapt to it somehow, and to live my life with it. I could also try to “fix it”, if I had the time, inclination, and courage to learn more about it, interact with it on a different level, and become a conscious witness to its healing evolution. I have written extensively about toxic masculinity, and there is a direct relationship between the damaged American male, and the incidence of gun marketing, distribution, sales, use, murder and terrorism within our country. Enough is enough, my fellow male (and supporting female) citizens who are hypnotized by the destructive potential of their judgements AND their weapons of war and by the extremists that so effectively promote twisted values to our diseased society. The floodwaters of gun violence have been created by the unleashing of weapons upon our society by the twisted advocates of the 2nd Amendment, gun manufacturers, the NRA, and insane minds who understand nothing but fear, self-preservation, and hatred. It is impossible to save ourselves from the ravages of flooding brought about by the dam of public mental health bursting, so why don’t we work on preventing the dam from bursting in the first place? Human and Civil rights are not equivalent to gun rights, period, and, in fact, supersede all philosophical claims to dominion by extremist gun rights advocates. The 2nd Amendment has been fine tuned by neurotic, overzealous gun rights advocates to promote ideals not conforming to a rational, effective approach to gun safety and ownership. Gun violence against innocent Americans is NOT SUPPORTED BY OUR CONSTITUTION, no matter what those who blindly support the 2nd Amendment claim. No individual is a militia, no matter how megalomaniacal they may be, and it is utter nonsense that paranoid people use that as an excuse to stockpile weapons of mass-destruction. This is not a political statement to me. This is a statement of common sense, law, reason, and love. Those who “politicize” this issue with divisive, hateful reasoning, form their deadly alliances around their fears, and this prevents our society from healing. It is up to us to challenge these defective ideas in open forum, and to vote out of office all politicians who support politically sanctioned mass murder,. It is time to strictly regulate or ban the weapons used to assault our families, our own bodies, and our sensibilities, and it is time to change the dirty diaper that characterizes much of masculine thought in our country.. An American society dominated by the self-destructive and other-destructive fantasies of sick minds, (including the ultra-conservative “Christian followers” who believe in Armageddon, and who are doing everything in their power to create the conditions for it), have created this unsafe, upside down world where weapons of mass destruction are worshiped as tools of freedom and safety, rather than being seen for what they are, which are tools for murder, propagation of fear, bullying, and self-righteousness. Freedom is not preserved and protected through the threatened use of lethal force of one citizen upon another with guns. Freedom is preserved and protected through the understanding that the enemy lies within our own consciousness, and then healing our world through insight, and the cultivation of collaboration, unity, justice, and love. To the extent that Christian America believes in their weapons, is the extent that they do not believe in their supposed Christian ideals, period. The ultra-conservative “Christian” gun promoter is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and should be recognized as such. Time to listen up, America. Time to shut up, NRA, and the politician’s feeding at their troughs of gun violence, death and insanity.I just have to wonder when terrorism will hit these individuals in political power right where it hurts most, and then they can finally decide that their pro-gun, pro NRA positions are steeped in insanity and nonsense. When they start to feel the pain of the rest of our country, then they will act on behalf of gun control, rather than obfuscate the issues while monetarily profiting from our suffering, as they have in the past. People that profit from the deaths of innocent civilians are worse than terrorists. Why does America support domestic terrorism? Do we understand that our culture is disfigured, diseased, and in need of dramatic change? Guns kill people, and the people who supply guns to people KILL PEOPLE. There are those who prefer to gloss over the darkness in our society, and call the evil, bullying, and cruelty by names other than what represents the truth of the matter. Learn to recognize these people, and remember that in any coercive society, including Hitler’s Germany, these types of individuals were part of darkness’ support network, whether inadvertently by their own ignorance, or intentionally by their own malevolence. I have spoken out against guns and gun violence since 1980, and my voice has been drowned out by those who speak louder than me. Now, I am starting to believe that the silent majority is finally going to assert itself, and our country steer towards more rational approaches to gun ownership, and control. Our culture is INSANE, as are the people who support the unfettered DISTRIBUTION AND SALE OF GUNS AND AUTOMATIC WEAPONS. Once again, their specious reasoning and heartless, hollow arguments are filled with holes, the bullet holes of death to our rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The NRA and the politicians who do not act to reduce the proliferation of automatic weapons are sponsors of national terrorism. Just how many automatic weapons does it take to make you feel safe? It is just that many weapons that it takes to make you unhealthy, insane, fearful, and outside of the picture of potential national healing. Gun violence directly stems from a national mental illness, and guns are never the proper medication to alleviate the symptoms. Atomic weapons don’t kill people, people kill people. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. These are equivalent arguments, only differing by the degree of devastation that their use creates. Attitudes don’t kill people, people kill people. Anger, hatred, war, and despair don’t kill people, people kill people. Whatever position that one attempts to strike, the fundamental fact remains that people are the source of all of the attitudes, conflicts, hatred, fear, and other forms of ignorance that predicates the need for weapons of war, be they mechanical or philosophical in nature. Does the chicken or the egg come first? That is an invalid question, because both the chicken and the egg are the effects of consciousness, though they both have a direct relationship to each other. Consciousness is both causative and fundamental, As a world civilization, we try to regulate our atomic weapons, yet we let other weapons of mass destruction run free. Would you allow the arming of groups of mad men with nuclear weapons (white supremacists like our POTUS or Kim Jung Un notwithstanding)? We all must be protected from the atom bombs. We all must be protected from the guns that are designed for and used to kill people. It is impossible to protect us from all of the bullying lunatics out there in the world brandishing their weapons of mass murder, so we must act rationally, and decisively, to thwart the self-destructive and other-destructive tendencies of unevolved, fear based males. We don’t allow children to drive cars, which are dangerous in their immature hands. Men who think they need guns to protect themselves from philosophical extensions of their own fear, ignorance, and hatred are also children, and should be treated accordingly. Politicians who cater to children deny the ability of the culture to accept and adopt more rational, healing approaches to the historical and cultural predisposition to male violence. Automatic weapons are the tool of choice for mass murder and oppression now. Those who support the use of automatic weapons, are unwitting dupes for an evil that far transcends their limited understanding. It continues to be the time to turn these “swords into plowshares”, and create and enhance the conditions for honoring diversity and brotherhood between all peoples and nations. It is insanity to continue the proliferation of weapons of war, and there is NO sound argument, to continue distributing them in our country, as well. There sure are a lot of weak arguments, however, and the wayward pseudo-religious people and politicians who have failed to create the conditions for peace and safety within our society need to grow up, and assert what is true and right for humanity, and not what is right for ideologues and the immature male elements within our world culture. Have you ever tried to take a favorite toy away from your son? It continues to be hard to separate stubborn boys from their murderous toys. Disempowered males identify themselves with weapons of war, giving themselves a sense of control over a life that they feel is threatening to them, and which they feel ill-equipped to deal with in a rational, even spiritual manner. Weapons of war are men’s spiritually impoverished substitution for true individual power, If we love ourselves, and our fellow man, we have no need for weapons of war, PERIOD. Lenin wrote, “When it comes time to hang the capitalists, they will vie with each other for the rope contract.” When it comes to time for human beings to murder and kill each other, they will clamor for the rights to own guns and ammunition to do so, and, in darkened America, they will point to misguided interpretations of the 2nd Amendment. Just like many wayward Christians point to passages in the bible to justify continued judgement, evil and hatred against others not of their tribe, sexual preferences, or unlike themselves in other ways. My heart breaks, and goes out to the victims, and the victims families, of the massacres in America, Sri Lanka, France, New Zealand, and elsewhere. The eternal fires of evil are always being fanned, and uses our weapons of war to accomplish its goals. It is sad, tragic, and, at times, evil that gun toting bullies determine the rules for engagement with the world. It is time to grow up, and become part of the healing process of the human race. It is time to stop letting the unconscious male children run the world into ruination. Men, as a collective, would rather have our neighbors, wives and children assaulted, raped, overdosed through drug use, or murdered through gun violence, than make the necessary changes to our culture, and to our hearts and soul. We need more women in positions of power and influence, and men need to get in touch with their potential for toxic behavior and attitudes, and begin to make necessary course changes in their hearts and souls. When we finally realize that the most deadly automatic weapon in existence is the unhealed, unconscious human male brain, then our pseudo-civilization will finally have a real chance to become a real civilization.  The most dangerous place in the universe is in the dark, disturbed male brain. Be careful in there! A human being may have had a perfect upbringing, yet that fact does not have ultimate significance in the evolution towards good mental health and well-being as an adult. Avoiding a childhood characterized by physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse is certainly a desirable and necessary foundation for strong, healthy children, and parents have an immense responsibility for all relevant support.. . Yet normal, strong, healthy children will not necessarily avoid the adversity of broken adult-hoods, and all will eventually bear witness to the devastating effects of suffering on self and/or on others. The cultivation of a few friendships within Alcoholics Anonymous meetings or in homeless shelters, warehoused disabled senior citizens in long term care facilities, communication with military veterans suffering from injuries from battle and/or post-traumatic stress disorder, volunteering at sites of climate change inspired catastrophes like hurricanes, flooding, and tornadoes, working at a domestic violence shelter or as a medical professional, or manning a suicide hotline, will bring home some painful truths for those who have not yet personally experienced misery and hardship. Many of America’s nominally “good religious people” raised in “good religious homes” do not have access to the healing truth that the application of a more universally distributed love would have on their lives. The absence of that love has brought great harm to our world. Any philosophy that continues to devalue or obscure the pain that their own skewed understanding of God and Love has inflicted on innocent people, such as Jews, Muslims, LGBTQ’s, pagans, “witches”, “atheists”, or even themselves, over countless generations needs an immediate upgrade . Many religious and non-religious strong, healthy children and adults look upon the destruction of our natural world, continued global warming, and the extinction of thousands of sacred species of animals as a necessary part of economic development, thus showing a true disconnect with the painfully dark reality of their own intentions. Some even cling to their denial of the reality of climate change/global warming, believing that their disregarding of scientific facts is somehow supported by living in a fantasy world in an “alternate reality” with “alternative facts” that support liars and cheaters like the President of the United States. These supposedly “healthy people” display a profound disease of the Spirit, which directly impacts ALL OF US. The Earth-destructive and self-destructive decisions of Capitalist economics has been married to aspects of a Judeo/Christian ethic, culture and faith for several generations. This “two part harmony” has sung the following refrains for hundreds of years: “Be fruitful, and multiply,-Prosperity is a sign of God’s love for his people. We are the chosen people of God, Take dominion over the earth, etc.”. The selfishness and tribalism of these beliefs threatens the very safety and security of all of Mankind, with the religions encouraging over-population and the continued destruction of our planet. No one is immune to this disease, and the collective, worldwide brokenness that spawns such ignorance. Those who profess to follow God through admiring Donald Trump are now the true infidels. I never thought that I would live to see the day when our country would be ruled by such a spiritually primitive, overtly lying, cheating, scandalous force. For Donald Trump, the end justifies the means. For Evangelical Christians, the end, and their new beginning is the suicidal world-wide Armageddon, in whatever forms that takes, that our wayward, selfish, white supremacist leader may ignorantly lead us into. They treat the wound of my people as if it were nothing: “All is well, all is well,” they insist, when in fact nothing is well. – Jeremiah 6:14 (CEB) The people who hold most strongly to the “all is well” philosophy, or its “God’s will” without full internal examination of self, need enlightenment, they just aren’t aware of that fact yet. Most adults live a life of denial of the collective disease of American consciousness, while more than just a few have prospered economically from American Capitalism, and the diseases of the Spirit that are spawned from the socially, environmentally, and spiritually irresponsible versions of it. When economic standards of living take precedence over environmental and social standards of living, all manners of darkness erupts. Selfishness and self-aggrandizement, corporate, religious, and individual greed, socially and environmentally irresponsible allocation of resources, seizing of assets of those less powerful in other countries, and economic minimization and subjugation of those without an empowered voice becomes the norm within the society, Those who believe that economic transcendence is the end point in the journey of happiness and enlightenment are living a life begging for the rudest, and most painful of awakenings, however. Economic progress at the expense of spiritual principles, and at the expense of our sacred planet, is suicide, and insanity manifested. A liar, cheater, criminal, thief, promoter an indirect participant in treason and collusion, puppet of Russian and Saudi Arabian money and oil interests, and, ultimately, a traitor to American values, has no place on any world stage, let alone the presidency. Those who continue to support the Trump abomination are part of a collective disease of the human spirit. We who do not walk in this darkness will continue to speak out against the broken ones who continue to consciously support ignorance, greed, tribalism, and corruption. Yet, broken adults can become the very foundation upon which insight into the nature of destructive aspects of human nature and consciousness can arise from. Those who have survived the journey through the depths of hell can develop the capacity to show others how to avoid or escape misery’s grasp. And, perhaps, they can save a future child from the need to write a several hundred page book about escaping our culture’s conspiracy of silence that few people have the time, understanding, willingness or the capacity to be interested in. If I were requested to read somebody else’s account of the collective disease within human consciousness, while I was still in denial of its damaging impacts, I would have little interest, as well, save if it was required reading for a book club. People who have been happy from birth may not have as much need, or motivation, towards achieving depth of understanding, compassion, and empathy as those who had a troubled upbringing, and are seeking answers to the great questions of life. The “happy ones” may not be driven to seek, and to find, the truth, at least as much as those whose spiritual siblings were suffering, disease, and impoverishment. It is a revelation to finally see that much of the dogma and nonsense that many variations of religious thinking morph into exist solely to insulate the believers from the access to their own legitimate, authentic human suffering and pain. The “painful Truth” is that Truth IS painful, until all of our wayward holdings, attitudes, and behaviors are fully examined, and released, so as to make way for a new understanding and experience of life, where Truth can be experienced more as Love and Peace, and a collective will to support and care for all of our sacred planet Earth. When our childhood ends, and our eyes are finally opened, the conditions of our childhood becomes almost irrelevant, whether or not we had a positive experience. When our childhood ends, we are no longer insulated from the damaging effects of our own, our religion, or our culture’s wayward thoughts and intentions, and we begin the search for a new way of being. When our childhood ends, enlightenment becomes our teacher, our student, our lesson plan, and our life’s journey. When our childhood ends, we finally let “God” off of the hook, and directly address all of the greatest, most challenging issues of life itself. When our childhood ends, we stand in the power, love, and wisdom that “God” gave to us in the beginning, before we personally, and collectively, ignorantly, or with malice, added to the suffering of all of “God’s” creations. When our childhood ends, we are all healed, regardless of the conditions of our upbringing. When our childhood ends, the world becomes new to us, while we help those still stuck in the past of their own childhoods. When our childhood ends, we are able to help right the wrongs of our fellow man, and of ourselves. When our childhood ends, we stop thinking like we are separate, independent human beings, and start thinking collectively, for the good of the earth, and for the good of all mankind. When our childhood ends, the one true, real God begins to work with us, and through us. When our childhood ends, we lay aside our prayer fantasies and our worship of spiritual deities, and begin the real work of co-creating with the Universe. It may be easier to build strong children, than to repair broken adults, yet both are important endeavors and services that mankind will be requiring for ages to come. Hopefully, our childhood, whether it is now happy, or unhappy, ends before our civilization self-destructs, and our sacred world, burns in the hell created by Mankind’s continued ignorance and darkness of Spirit. We remain terminally ill as a culture, as a nation, and, potentially, as a planet. We need a miracle experiment, a movement towards a change in individual and collective consciousness that must be undertaken by all who want our planet to survive. The beginning of Wisdom is knowing that Life is infinitely more sacred and important than the religious and philosophical beliefs by which we falteringly attempt to define our relationship to It. I grieve with the rest of humanity for the mental health issues and early deaths of all damaged souls, and for the loss of human potential to the rest of humanity. Please, America, listen to, and retell their stories, so that we can all heal, grow, and love together in a new, transformative environment that celebrates our potential for wholeness, and our individual contributions to it, from both the male and female perspectives. The compulsion to hide from ourselves can be lifted. We can know love and forgiveness of ourselves, and others, like we thought would never be possible. We can become a light unto ourselves and others, and that light can sustain us for the rest of our days. We can be at peace, and understand, perhaps for the first time in our life, how to live life on life’s terms. We can finally find what we were looking for our entire life, so please do not give up before the real miracle of our life reveals itself. Finding our real healthier, saner self is the greatest challenge of life. We did not cause or create this disease, we cannot control this disease, and we cannot cure this disease. I have had many, many years of sobriety, but I have also had three major relapses over the past 34 years, as well. I can continue to treat myself consciously and with love for this disease, and show the benefits of recovery from this disease to those who still suffer, and have interest in their own recovery process. Relapse is a painful, but necessary, part of recovery, as we learn from our mistakes, and grow from them. The point remains to lift ourselves up in recovery, even though we might have descended the ladder into the hell of toxicity and insanity yet again. If we fall seven times, we lift ourselves up seven times. Those who are still diseased and toxic are not without choices. We all have the internal power to change, we only need to learn how to consciously access that power which is greater than our resistance to change and our bad habits, and express its infinite healing potential. For me, the choice became between living a an inspired life, or leading a self-destructive life. For those that continue to embrace insanity and toxicity to their own detriment, and the detriment of others, there are healthier, more life affirming choices to be made.. We must commit to fearlessly challenge all assumptions that lead to depression, drug addiction, suicide, and other self-defeating beliefs and behavior. We must commit to exposing the bedrock of lies that much of our collective consciousness and religious misunderstanding is based upon, the lies that tell us that we are not worthy of love and acceptance by others, and/or that we have no value other than remaining the unconscious minions of those in positions of power who have been spiritually disfigured by their monetization of humanity. We must commit to transcending all forces that lead to an untimely death through “white middle-class male despair syndrome”. Freedom and intrinsic human value are not goals to forever pursue, as they are part of the very fabric of Love, awaiting those with the insight to weave them into happier, healthier, more meaningful lives.. Our civilization has not yet embraced and fully applied the principles of Love, the Love that transcends time and history, nationality and place. We must birth together the Love that has the capacity to save the world from the damaging, insane behavior of a collective consciousness hypnotized by its own imaginary self-importance, a self-importance that drives human overpopulation and the resulting destruction of the very planet Earth that was created to provide for all of Life, and not just our limited, selfish visions, religiously inspired or otherwise. Those who find what they are looking for, find the secret of spirituality, and the secret of a successfully lived life. Happiness, joy, and freedom become our life’s most enduring companions on our life’s journey. Difficulties, sorrows, heart breaks, deaths, depressions, anxieties, and even relapses may still arise, but we now have healthier tools for dealing with the adversity of life. We no longer hide from life, but instead remain engaged with it. We ride Life’s occasional Tsunami waves, rather than be drowned by them. We learn that it was not Life’s loads that broke us, but instead it was the unconscious and unskilled ways that we carried them. Now we have the developed spiritual skills to successfully manage Life’s unavoidable burdens, while creating the conditions for new opportunities in life and for prosperity in its many forms, including enhancing our relationships to each other! We must honor our body, and the planet Earth, as the temple of the true “living God”. We must not knowingly introduce physical and/or spiritual toxins into our body/mind, nor will we encourage or support others to bring harm to their own bodies and minds, to the bodies and minds of others, or to our planet Earth. We all must become “prophets” for the truth that supports and sustains the very life-force of our sacred planet Earth, and all of its inhabitants. We must commit to continue to support and work towards rational solutions to global warming/climate change. We must continue to get outdoors and enjoy nature, and honor the natural world at an enhanced level, and encourage all others to do the same. To not do this work is to continue the suicidal, insanity into a self–destructive conclusion, the Armageddon that many of the religiously disfigured Christians now cling to, and see our corrupt POTUS as now leading us into. It is time to grow up, end our collective childhood, and find our true relationship to Spirit. It is time to grow up, and save ourselves. We either heal together as individuals, as families, and as a civilization, or we will all die alone. I did not have the power to save the world. I did not have the power to save Donelle, Dan, Di Di, Alcindia, Jeff, Randy. Marty, or my father, I did have the power to make effective changes in my life, and I SAVED THE WORLD from my own insanity. Technology, especially as reflected through our phones and other media devices, is only a tool, though it has become another new world religion, a way of life for far too many people. Our country, and our world, shows the collective effects of falling far short of meeting or even acknowledging the existence of our spiritual needs, or attempting to meet our spiritual needs through illusory processes. Most of our media devices have continued the promotion and distribution of cultural hypnosis, and most people continue to be separated from a greater good through that process. The world exists in a state of hypnosis, and it is easy to see that truth when the mind finally takes itself off of the grid of shared cultural and religious misunderstanding. We can pull our eyes off of the phone display for a moment, and engage the person next to us in conversation. We will all benefit from the exchange. We do not benefit in any spiritual or social way by remaining glued to our phones. Several decades ago, Saudi Oil Minister Sheikh Yamani gained recognition for his insight into global development: “The Stone Age did not end for lack of stone, and the Oil Age will end long before the world runs out of oil.” Today, we live in what many call the Information Age, and we are in absolutely no danger of running out of information, particularly in data form. There is a general perception that we are overwhelmed with data, making the ability to store, process, analyze, interpret, consume, and act upon that data a primary concern. There are, potentially, infinite streams of information available, yet most information may have little or no use to our discerning, conscious minds.. There is so much more to reality than what just greets the eye, and appears on the screens of our cellphones and/or computer monitors, however. Scientists, mathematicians, theologians, artists, philosophers, enlightened politicians, and Google algorithm writers, continue to struggle towards some unknown destination that our collective search for truth continues to guide us towards as a human race. The exponential increase in available information does little to settle what the “truth” might be, let alone which direction that its search may best be started from. Information can help us to know why we are ill and which illnesses we have, exactly. But wisdom is to know how to heal them. —Dr. Alberto Villoldo We need only watch the evening news, or read any newspaper or magazine, to recognize that we are no closer now to a consensus reality than we were before, even with the advent of the internet. Religious and philosophical divisiveness, ego aggrandizement, wealth accumulation, and personal and corporate power are still being celebrated and supported as ideals to pursue by our cultural power brokers, and these principles lead to further propagation of lies, misstatements, half-truths, and illusions. All people who follow these ignoble paths have no true knowledge of their fundamental selves, nor would they possess this knowledge about the other people in their worlds, thus they have limited access to the truth, and their styles of communication reveal that ignorance. Can truth and love be reduced to a series of binary decisions? Where does our reliance on technology connect with a “search for truth”? Search engines now serve you up what they think you are looking for. They know who you are, and more importantly, what your online consumer preferences are. They know how you are looking for things, as well as how you search for news, companies, products, etc. Plus, they know the zip code and the local geography where each user is located. Search engines are getting better and smarter at knowing YOU, as well as what’s new, and old, in your micro-locale every day. A quick type into Google, and you are being fed more information, and the foundation for yet another illusion, with just another photograph of or written interpretation of a past that never was true. Do you think for one moment that truth, or love, can be reduced to a string of “1’s” and “0”s” (machine code for programming of computer hardware) or ascii characters (The result of “I Love You” on hexadecimal notation based on ascii code is : 49204C6F766520596F75). These characters give you a real warm, fuzzy feeling, don’t they? Many types of “knowledge” actually breed division and separation between human beings. It is easy to tell the difference between the ministers, politicians, teachers, teachings, and knowledge just by feeling within our own inner chambers of consciousness how their message impacts our hearts. Eventually the presenters of knowledge and the highest learned “truths” of the day will be ignored, if they are not able to break through the psychic/spiritual barrier between the mind and the heart, while still presenting, or preaching, to others their message. Did they just bring more information, which we tend to daily saturate our awareness with anyway (Google it!), or did they bring the intellect coupled with the heart awareness, where we can experience the promised fruits of deeper connections with all of creation, and, perhaps, experience an increased measure of peace of mind and more love brought into our world? The control of information is something the elite always does, particularly in a despotic form of government. Information, knowledge, is power. If you can control information, you can control people. —Tom Clancy Understanding what we now consider to be sources for knowledge is all important, as well. With the idea of “FAKE NEWS” being so casually tossed about these days, it is important to keep in mind that “FAKE NEWS” has always been with us. It can be traced all of the way back to the days when we first starting naming objects, and attaching emotional linkages to our observations. Everybody sees things somewhat differently, though similarities outweigh differences by super-substantial amounts. But the human mind tends to focus on the differences, and, thus, temporarily accentuate those divisions while examining the objects of its reality, reassembling the new information into its own unique information matrix known as our personalities. To the more technically inclined, it takes more than cleaning cookies or turning off personalized searches in Google’s browser, Chrome, to get to the “truth.” Keep in mind that most of the search algorithms are Capitalist Oriented Male Biased (COMB) computer coding exercises that sort and order the “objects of reality” based on that slanted mind-set. The locations that a person visits and lives in reveal a great deal about them, especially if it is linked to a GPS position calculated by using one’s own phone position. By shaping the menus and the choices that we pick from, and by observing the collective internet purchases and behaviors of our geographic peers, technology then attempts to hijack the way we perceive our choices and replaces them with new ones that the ad purchasing merchants may be promoting. But the closer we pay attention to the options we’re given, the more we’ll notice when they don’t actually align with our true needs. Their surreptitious collection and use in ad targeting can pave way to ads that are harmful, target people when they are vulnerable, or enable harassment and discrimination. The issue of privacy can become particularly acute when there’s the presumption or wish for confidentiality – say, during a therapist visit or at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I see COMB-overs as having run their course, with the need to be balanced with a more feminine, humane perspective. If we all want that biased mindset, then we will continue to trust and rely upon Google, and most other search engines, for the ordering of our reality. It should be more than a little concerning to know that many of the same values that our President touts as his own are built right into these algorithmic formulas. Within myself, it is quite enlightening to note that when I attempt to interpret situations solely in terms of a potentially divisive philosophy/understanding, I usually now rebel out of my newer/refreshed understanding of life, and continue on and listen more deeply for the real truth of the moment, (AND NOT THE POTENTIALLY WORN OUT TRUTH OF YESTERDAY). All of those divisive philosophies that pit “me versus you” or “us versus them” will bring fewer positive results than the uniting philosophies that bring people together in the spirit of cooperation and caring. Yet it almost seems like the divisive ideas are for many, and for me, by instinct, first in line for consideration, so it is important to not act out of impulse. Yes, it is being mindful to wait out that first racing train of sometimes fearful, angry or hurtful thought, and just watch it as it passes through the screen of awareness, and wait for another peaceful train of loving thought that may lie underneath all of the other noise. The goal might be to make “love” the leading, or first, thought considered, but in my reality, it does not always automatically arise, nor should it, just because I think that it is a good idea. It is important to note here that ideas that initially appear to be counter to our prevailing philosophy may have legitimate origins, and discovery and exploration of the mind and our individual experience of it should continue without fear and self-judgement, as we attempt to discern the “truths” being communicated. If our “prevailing philosophies” are not subject to change, then we risk excess friction in all of our relationships, especially as we slip further and further away from the new, upgraded truth trying to be revealed. Mindfulness, insight, and meditation help to create a more stable foundation for thought, feeling, and action. Remaining socially connected through real life interaction, vs predominantly through media devices, keeps the heart and mind refreshed and engaged holistically. Giving and receiving “presence” to each other has much more value than the mere information that might be exchanged. For us to continue to trust in technology solely for our heart connection is like only eating popcorn for our diet; Satisfying in the short-term, and deadly in the long run. We need to feed each other new ideas and words from the deep storehouses within each of our hearts, where intuition, empathy, compassion, and healing all arise from. To continue to be fed only from the internet, is to continue our connection with cultural hypnotism, which leads in its own self-defeating directions. Of course, once “new ideas” become integrated, they can be just as resistant to change as old, damaged, worn out thoughts, and the new synthesis will require continuous further revision until some sort of all-encompassing philosophical unity arises (or God-consciousness, for those who like to tie spirituality and religion together). The “unknown” is the opening in our mind and heart that God (change to higher power, or whatever represents love, beauty, and healing to you) speaks through, so that we can find the truth and spirit of this new moment. Do not fear the unknown, as it can be so much more than we could ever anticipate or imagine. Even after our most sincere and deepest “prayers”, there still must be an opening created within our minds where we can listen and watch, without fear or judgement, for the “answer”, which is always provided, and rarely understood. An overactive mind runs over the quiet truth that is revealed in each moment, so take off those mental workout clothes, and take a breather! We will never change “God’s mind”, but we just might change our own, and, in that change, the real miracle of life can be revealed, and our lives healed and renewed. The “One Mind Of God” can only be experienced in each new moment, in the ever-unfolding unknown and unknowable moment that is now. This unique new moment can only reveal itself to a mind no longer burdened only with its own knowledge, or the knowledge of others’ endeavors. Freedom from our cultural hypnotism may not be for everybody now, but it certainly is for me, now, and for all of eternity. I am grateful for my wife Sharon White, who shares in the new/old insight. May all sentient beings be freed from their suffering. But first, all sentient beings must become conscious enough to be aware of the options available to free themselves from their suffering. Pay attention to the man behind the curtain! Get to know him at the deepest level. And then, don’t give up finding truth, beauty, and love until the real Miracle appears in your own life, OK? Like my father asked, when I was nearly four years old, and finally learned how to talk, “Will that boy ever run out of things to talk about?” and “Bruce, would you please shut up! I am the only one who should be talking and it is your time to just listen” Once I started talking I proved that I had the capacity for speech, and A LOT OF IT. Both of my parents wondered, at times, if I would ever shut up. Once a person touches Consciousness, Infinity is the limit to our potential. Yet, my own voice disappeared, after many years of oppression, and repression, The long-term oppressive effects of the conspiracy of silence that plagues most men will continue to limit our potential to experience happiness and longevity, and love for our life. That certainly was the case for my own life, and nearly eventuated in my early death at thirty years of age, What if a real miracle was trying to happen in our lives, and too few people cared or were not even aware enough to attempt to look for it? This indifference or ignorance is the foundation for chaos in our world, and within our own minds..Those who refuse to look at the toxic masculinity inspired darkness within our culture become its unconscious and, unwittingly, its most ardent supporters. Indifference and hatred continues to threaten to destroy everyone and everything. Tragically, in this age, collective outpourings of love and support for victims follow domestic terrorist acts, rather than healing and preparing the culture enough to actually prevent the heinous behavior in the first place. But through Insight and mindfulness, minds and hearts are transformed, making all of us much less likely to become the source of suffering for others, and we become the living examples of loving non-violence in action. Insight plants the seed of the miracle into our minds, and mindfulness is the great gardener of that miracle, resulting in a more abundant, healthy crop of happier, peaceful, loving, and ordered thoughts. I am humbled and amazed by both the miracle eternally embedded in SACRED SILENCE, as well as its bridge to human consciousness through the Word. May the Word take a form unique to each of us in all of lives, and lift all of us together into a unity of love, thought, action, and a new shared story of world healing and wholeness. May the Word spontaneously arise from our SACRED SILENCE, and not from the chaos of our troubled past, As I contemplate the entirety of my life, I see a simple truth arising from the complexities of the details. Silence born of ignorance and oppression brings suffering and disease. Silence born of healing brings joy and love into the world. This same Silence brings forth the capacity to listen with the heart for the deepest meaning embedded within All of Life, in All of Its infinitude of forms, and return the dignity back to each sacred manifestation of life. Is anybody really listening to each other? Have we given up on trying to communicate with those who trouble us? Those blessed few who have learned how to really listen, finally hear the “voice for God”. And, we finally get to live in the creation that Love provides for us all, when we accept Love’s vision as our own, And, no, Father, in whatever form Father energy may now take, I will never “shut up”! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? We all have had problems listening to each other. We all have had problems listening to ourselves. Yet, our stories must be told, and we must listen to the “other’s” story, with respect and compassion for ourselves, and for the other. Every good story has an ending. And, so do our bad stories. What value is a story, if it is never told? What value is love, if it is never shared? What is the value of speaking, if nobody is even listening? What is the value of writing, if there is nobody left to read? We all have infinite value, whether it is ever recognized by another, or not. Discover, enjoy and celebrate INFINITY, rather than the limitations thrust upon us by the deafness of our culture and of our families of origin, Sing your song, like your life depended on it, BECAUSE, IT DOES! All of our lives depend on each others stories. Those who will not listen to our story, and in turn, will not share their own story with us, are still stuck in their own story of repression and oppression. They are still unconscious participants in the Conspiracy Of Silence, The sun shines, and the artist interprets its light upon the beautiful landscape, and paints a classic piece of art. The wolf howls in the lonely, cold, snow-covered wilderness, and, miraculously, another wolf a great distance away howls back at him, reassuring both that each other is still there. The bird sings alone in the forest, yet, a hiker stops for a moment, listens, and her heart begins to sing and soar with the bird. The divorced and lonely man sings in the shower, and the salesman at the door hears him, and is so impressed by the man’s voice that he encourages him to try out for a local band. An isolated man stumbles upon the miracle of silence within his being, and a resultant bridge of words subsequently connects this sacred silence to his latest writings, creating beloved poetry and healing balms for all, My deceased friend Marty, just prior to his death, stated to me that the most important act that he had ever done was to encourage me to join his men’s cancer survivor’s writing group, and to encourage me to finally start to share my “magic” with the world. I was with him when he wrote his last creative story, which became an amazing story of acceptance and his release from the world of the conditioned mind. As I look at my life’s history, I bear witness to Love and its healing Mystery. And, to those courageous few that have made it this far, you have finally heard my own unique voice. I have penetrated the Conspiracy of Silence, and I have lived well beyond my expiration date.  The conspiracy of silence continues in earnest in the United States, and its principles still rule much of our population. My “miracle experiment” continues in earnest. My world can never be the same, How about yours? LOVE’S REUNION (poem by Bruce Paullin) I stumbled over the frozen wilderness for oh, so long! With a hole in my heart that life could just not fill Until I stopped to rest, and heard a gentle voice singing a long forgotten song That promised of my release from this winter world of painful chill Her lyrics spoke of the return of Life to freedom And the release of shivering minds from darkness’ frozen, fearful hands She drew me closer without any further verbal tethers And prepared me for the walk back to Love’s now awakening lands Her warming presence melted the icy hardness that I used to know Inspiring within me the courage, to myself and my world, to say That, to all of my past memories’ barren trees of lifeless knowledge, I now refuse to go I will now accept only the lessons learned along Love’s Infinite Way Yes, she met me while I was with the dark companion But it was to her pleasure to take me home to share her loving lights And give me the shelter of Love’s never setting summer sun She changed my cold mourning into happier, heavenly nights! By freely offering of herself and all of her sacred charms She moves me through life’s clamorous valleys unto its silent peaks I can now retire from a life of fruitless wanderings To live in the Source of Peace of which mankind forever seeks Her life is resplendent with Wisdom, Strength, and Beauty For these are the robes with which she clothes her being The gift of Love now unwraps before my inviting eyes To reveal her ecstatic vision, which is now all-seeing My search for Truth and Love Sublime has finally ended For, I now fill my empty cup from her joyous running streams I have reunited with my eternally fulfilling lover And, her healing waters dissolve all of my painful dreams I only seek to remain within her all-embracing arms While through all life she extends her ever unfolding surprise My first waking breath each morning brings the certainty That, from my bed, joined as one, we again shall arise My broken heart and shattered life is finally mending And, wedded to her life, I now call her my faithful bride Life no longer has a fearful road ahead to travel For, One with God, on Love’s lighted path, I now gratefully stride Blessed Longing, (Goethe, translated by John O’Donohue) Tell no one else, only the wise For the crowd will sneer at one I wish to praise what is fully alive, What longs to flame toward death. When the calm enfolds the love-nights That created you, where you have created A feeling from the Unknown steals over you While the tranquil candle burns. You remain no longer caught In the peneumbral gloom You are stirred and new, you desire To soar to higher creativity. No distance makes you ambivalent. You come on wings, enchanted In such hunger for light, you Become the butterfly burnt to nothing. So long as you have not lived this: To die is to become new, You remain a gloomy guest On the dark earth. The Awakening Voice (by Bruce Paullin) Though the slowly shifting desert sands of time, Keep creating ever taller dunes for America’s lost, thirsty souls to climb. It is through transcending our hateful world of so little reason and rhyme, That we will reaffirm the way of Truth, with its quenching waters of the Sublime. As seekers for Peace, on Truth’s high mount’ we must continue to climb, Or we will stumble through the swirling sands of chaotic, corrupted minds. That tempts and confuses minds with the lies of false rhyme and reason, So all our inner Lawyers must object to deceit, and charge those thoughts with treason! Are we but marionette’s dancing images trapped upon the ATM screen of a monetized mind? With Corporate America’s dollar driven beliefs in full control, what freedom can we find? We must release ourselves from the spiritual imprisonment of these choking, binding strings, And unleash our hearts’ truest wisdom that our liberated Intelligence can then bring. As shadow boxers of Trumped Up Evil, to what ends do we hope to aspire? Becoming co-champions with false leaders in their nightmares creates situations that are perpetually dire! When we first heal our own illusions that promote self-destructive mental pugilist blows, Our hearts can support the real fight against the Dark Ones who are now on public show. As a pro-Trump marathoner, only on Life’s treadmills will we perpetually stand, To follow in a liar’s missteps dooms us all to fail and become life’s also-rans, Who forever just chase in vain Sanity’s unifying, healing voice. So step off of his divisive, circular belt, and share first place in the Life all may rejoice! To finally realize the Truth, is to see ignorance’s agendas are only illusions that limit and bind, Spun together with the same golden threads of the Emperor’s New Clothes, his evil tailors did wind, To corrupt the minds and hearts of all innocents, and all of the vulnerable that they can find. So we must continue to seek our own truth, and then our struggle becomes Sublime! The non-illuminated, restless mind is devoid of all of Love’s rhyme and Truth’s reason, And only chases after desert mirages, until it sees the internal corruption that is guilty of treason. Shame on you, Donald Trump, your minions, and the pseudo-Christians who continue to support you. Blessings to all of America’s holy warriors, who seek for, and hold onto, all that is just, equitable, and true