Master Teacher of the Light: A Journey Beyond Self and Consciousness

In the spring and summer of 1987, I had a series of transformative experiences with a power much greater than my education or anything I had ever accessed in my previous life experience.  One particular meditation, on July 21, was noteworthy.  All of the following material has been derived and inspired by that one singular, profound meditation.

“Master Teacher of the Light, Master Teacher of the Light,” I repeated within myself several times during an evening meditation, a mantra developed to aid my focus. I was meditating several hours a day, and though my life bore fruit from previous spiritual connections, I remained driven to find deeper layers of meaning and experience my true nature. This meditation revealed Truth’s “bell ringer” for me.

Meditation is often touted for its calming effects, but those who venture deep into its practice understand its potential for transformation. A personal mantra, developed through intuition and experience, can act as a beacon, guiding the practitioner into higher states of consciousness. My mantra, “Master Teacher of the Light,” became more than words—it was a key unlocking a door to an existence beyond my physical form.

During this pivotal meditation, I felt an urge to relinquish control. It was as if I were driving a car and suddenly realized I could either continue steering or “let go of the controls” to experience something entirely new. Choosing the latter, I felt an exhilarating rush as I was released from my old psychological set and bodily burdens.

This act of letting go is more than a metaphor; it is a fundamental shift in perception. By surrendering my conditioned mind, I opened myself to an uncharted dimension of experience. This dimension was neither light nor dark but a matrix of alive, intelligent energy—a web of interconnected structures that I can only describe as the collective consciousness of mankind, with all its intelligence and ignorance.

In this realm, I witnessed the intricate patterns of thought and being that make up our collective mind. This matrix, teeming with life and information, revealed the duality inherent in human consciousness. Intelligence and ignorance coexist, intertwined in a complex dance that shapes our reality.

Understanding this interconnectedness offers profound insights into our shared existence. It highlights the importance of empathy and collective growth, urging us to transcend individual limitations and contribute to the greater good.

My journey continued, spiraling downward into a place of complete darkness or emptiness. Yet, paradoxically, I felt entirely at home here. This void, devoid of sensory input, felt like the womb of all creation—a space holding infinite potential.

This dimension, beyond light and dark, represents a universal consciousness that transcends human understanding. It is a reminder that our realities are but fragments of a larger, unfathomable existence.

The experience of complete emptiness was not one of loss but of profound potential. In this void, I sensed the possibility of all things in the universe. It was a space of pure being, where creation and dissolution coexisted harmoniously.

This paradoxical sense of emptiness as a source of creation challenges conventional thinking. It invites us to explore the depths of our consciousness, to seek out the spaces of silence and stillness within ourselves, and to recognize them as the womb of our potential.

Sharing such experiences is crucial for inspiring others on their spiritual paths. My journey was deeply personal, yet its insights are universal. The act of letting go, the revelation of interconnectedness, and the exploration of dimensions beyond our understanding are themes that resonate with all spiritual seekers.

By sharing these experiences, we create a tapestry of collective wisdom, encouraging self-discovery and spiritual growth. We remind each other that the path to enlightenment is not a solitary one but a shared voyage into the unknown.

The mantra “Master Teacher of the Light” led me on a transformative journey beyond self and consciousness. It revealed the power of deep meditation and personal mantras, the art of letting go, the interconnectedness of human consciousness, the existence of dimensions beyond light and dark, and the paradoxical nature of emptiness as a source of creation.

I invite you to explore your own spiritual path, to seek out the experiences that resonate with your soul, and to share your insights with others. In doing so, we collectively enrich our understanding of the universe and our place within it.

For those seeking guidance on this profound journey, consider connecting with like-minded individuals and thought leaders. The path to spiritual enlightenment is a shared one, and together, we can illuminate the depths of our collective consciousness.

Discovering Your Path to Spiritual Awakening and Healing

In a world overflowing with external guidance—from teachers, healers, and gurus to friends, ministers, and shamans—it can be tempting to seek salvation outside ourselves. Yet, the profound truth remains that no one can work our salvation out for us. Each individual must take the courageous step to find their wounds, bring healing to them, search for truth, learn their own lessons, and ultimately make their own conscious contact with the God or Truth of their experience.

The essence of personal growth and spiritual awakening lies in the empowerment that comes from taking full responsibility for one’s own healing. When we rely solely on external sources for our spiritual and emotional wellbeing, we may find temporary solace but often miss out on the deeper, more enduring transformation that only self-discovery can bring.

By actively engaging in our healing process, we not only uncover the roots of our wounds but also learn to address them with compassion and wisdom. In doing so, we cultivate resilience and inner strength, which become the bedrock of our spiritual path. This empowerment is not about rejecting help from others; rather, it is about understanding that true healing and growth begin within.

Self-actualization is the realization of one’s fullest potential, wherein an individual experiences profound alignment with their true self. This concept, popularized by psychologist Abraham Maslow, is deeply interconnected with the search for truth and personal growth. It involves a relentless pursuit of authenticity and a willingness to explore the depths of our being.

To achieve self-actualization, we must bravely face our fears, question our beliefs, and dismantle the barriers that hinder our progress. This process requires introspection and a commitment to continuous learning. By seeking truth in our experiences and reflecting on our actions and choices, we gradually unveil the layers of our true nature and move closer to our highest potential.

While personal responsibility is paramount, the role of community and guidance in our spiritual journey cannot be overlooked. Communities provide us with support, encouragement, and diverse perspectives that enrich our understanding and growth. Mentors and guides offer wisdom and insights that illuminate our path, helping us to see beyond our limitations.

However, it is crucial to remember that these external influences should complement, not overshadow, our personal responsibility. We must discern when to seek guidance and when to trust our inner voice. The balance between receiving help and cultivating self-reliance is delicate but essential for genuine spiritual development.

The quest for spiritual awakening is inherently intertwined with mental health and self-awareness. A holistic approach to personal growth recognizes that spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being are interconnected and mutually reinforcing.

Spiritual practices such as meditation, prayer, and mindfulness can significantly enhance mental health by reducing stress, increasing emotional resilience, and fostering a sense of peace and purpose. Simultaneously, self-awareness—gained through reflection, therapy, and honest self-examination—deepens our spiritual understanding and facilitates healing.

By integrating spirituality, mental health, and self-awareness, we create a comprehensive framework for navigating life’s challenges and uncovering our true path. This integration empowers us to face our struggles with grace and emerge stronger, wiser, and more attuned to the divine or universal truth that guides us.

Ultimately, the journey to healing and spiritual awakening is deeply personal and uniquely our own. While teachers, healers, and communities play vital roles in our lives, the responsibility for our growth rests with us. By taking ownership of our healing, striving for self-actualization, and balancing external guidance with inner wisdom, we set the stage for profound transformation.

We invite you to reflect on your spiritual path and consider how you can take greater responsibility for your growth and healing. Engage with our community of like-minded seekers, share your experiences, and explore the rich tapestry of insights available. Together, we can support each other in our quest for truth and personal evolution.

Remember, the path to spiritual awakening and healing begins with you. Step forward with courage and curiosity, and discover the boundless possibilities that await.

Unveiling the Tricksters Within Your Consciousness

In the vast landscape of human consciousness, there exists an intricate web of energy fields and thought forms that shape our perceptions, experiences, and sense of self. These unseen forces often play a crucial role in our mental and spiritual well-being. Today, we will explore a personal narrative that uncovers the presence of “tricksters” within one’s energy field—entities born out of childhood trauma—and their profound impact on our lives. By understanding these tricksters, we can gain insights into our own psyches and pave the way for deeper personal growth and spiritual enlightenment.

Our consciousness is more than just a collection of thoughts and feelings. It is a dynamic field of energy, constantly interacting with and influenced by external and internal stimuli. This energy field, often referred to as the aura or the human energy matrix, encompasses our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual states. Within this matrix, thought forms—distinct patterns of energy generated by our thoughts—take shape, influencing our behavior and experiences.

These thought forms can be positive, uplifting our spirits and guiding us toward growth. However, they can also be negative, manifesting as limiting beliefs, fears, and unresolved traumas. Recognizing and understanding these thought forms is essential for achieving a balanced and healthy state of being.

During a profound moment of introspection, I became aware of two distinct entities within my energy field. These entities, which I later came to regard as “tricksters,” were not mere figments of my imagination. They were deeply embedded within my consciousness, shaped by cumulative childhood trauma. At first, their presence seemed somewhat comforting, as they mirrored familiar aspects of my past. However, it soon became clear that these tricksters were not there for my greater good.

These entities appeared as almost complete thought forms, caricatures of two unique individuals. Their presence allayed the feelings of loneliness within my ego, but I sensed that they were illusions of self that I needed to release. It was only much later, after my father’s death, that I fully understood the nature of these tricksters.

The two tricksters within my energy field were creations born out of my parents’ intentions for me and my historical reactions to their points of view. They embodied my unhealthy attachments and unresolved traumas, acting as psychological anchors that kept me tethered to the past. Although they never truly disappeared, they became unconscious again, lurking beneath the surface of my awareness.

Over time, I associated these tricksters with two “black holes” in my consciousness, swirling around my lack of self-worth and fear of death. Understanding their origins and significance became a critical component of my quest for a better ongoing human and spiritual experience.

My personal encounter with these tricksters led me to a profound realization about the human condition. I saw how the whole human race suffers from similar internalized thought forms, to varying degrees. These entities manifest as various mental health disorders, such as schizophrenia, and contribute to societal issues like oppression, prejudice, and passive-aggressive behavior.

Our collective struggles with self-worth, fear, and unresolved trauma create a fertile ground for these tricksters to thrive. Recognizing their presence and impact can help us address these issues at both an individual and societal level.

The tricksters within our consciousness are not just personal phenomena; they have far-reaching implications for society as a whole. These internalized thought forms contribute to a range of societal issues, including:

  • Prejudice and Racism: Deep-seated fears and insecurities can manifest as prejudice and racism, leading to discrimination and social division.
  • Misogyny: Unresolved traumas and negative thought forms can fuel misogynistic attitudes and behaviors, perpetuating gender inequality.
  • Mental Health Disorders: Tricksters can exacerbate mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, and multiple personality disorder, making it challenging to achieve psychological well-being.

By addressing these internalized entities, we can work towards healing not only ourselves but also the broader societal fabric.

Recognizing the presence of tricksters within our energy fields is the first step towards healing and integration. Here are some strategies to help you identify and address these thought forms:

  • Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions, making it easier to identify negative thought forms.
  • Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and experiences can provide valuable insights into your inner world, helping you recognize patterns and recurring themes.
  • Therapy and Counseling: Working with a mental health professional can provide guidance and support in identifying and addressing unresolved traumas and negative thought forms.

By incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can develop a deeper understanding of your inner landscape and begin the process of healing and integration.

Once you have recognized the presence of tricksters within your consciousness, the next step is to integrate them into a healthier self-concept. This process involves acknowledging their origins, understanding their impact, and transforming them into positive, empowering thought forms.

Consider the following steps to facilitate this transformation:

  • Self-Compassion: Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your struggles and treating yourself with kindness and understanding. This can help you release negative thought forms and replace them with positive ones.
  • Reframing: Reframe negative thought forms by challenging their validity and replacing them with more empowering beliefs. For example, transform a thought form based on fear into one rooted in courage and resilience.
  • Spiritual Practices: Engage in spiritual practices, such as yoga, meditation, or prayer, to connect with your higher self and cultivate a sense of inner peace and balance.

Through these practices, you can transform tricksters into allies, supporting your personal growth and spiritual development.

The presence of tricksters within our consciousness is a powerful reminder of the impact of unresolved trauma and negative thought forms on our mental and spiritual well-being. By recognizing and addressing these entities, we can pave the way for deeper personal growth, healing, and transformation.

Reflect on your own energy fields and thought forms, and consider the potential for personal and collective healing. Through mindfulness, self-compassion, and spiritual practices, you can integrate these tricksters into a healthier self-concept and contribute to a more harmonious and balanced world.

Explore further resources and connect with like-minded individuals to continue your journey towards self-discovery and spiritual growth. Together, we can create a brighter and more enlightened future.

The Intersection of Mathematics and Spirituality: A Journey into the Infinite

In the labyrinth of human existence, few questions are as profound and perplexing as the nature of reality and the self. Messages floated through my consciousness during profound moments of introspection, whispering cryptic yet illuminating phrases like, “No teacher shall effect salvation; I must work it out for myself,” and “Think no thoughts.” These musings beckoned me to follow new paths of consciousness and, ultimately, led to a mathematical formula that seemed to unlock the very essence of existence. This article aims to explore these revelations, merging the realms of mathematics and spirituality, and to discuss their implications for understanding the difference between spiritual “being” and human “becoming.”

During one extraordinary experience, a mathematical formula for re-entry into the great unknown was revealed to me. It was a differential equation stating that with the total elimination of time-based thought, direct perception of reality becomes possible. The equation, expressed as LIM dT/dt as dt approaches zero, with T=f(t), indicates that as the change in thought over time diminishes to zero, we approach an infinite state of understanding.

In layman’s terms, this means that by eliminating the constant movement of thoughts rooted in time, we can perceive reality directly, without the filters of past experiences or future anxieties. This direct perception is akin to experiencing the present moment in its purest form, unadulterated by the noise of temporal distractions.

This mathematical insight led me to contemplate the profound difference between spiritual “being” and human “becoming.” In the spiritual realm, “being” represents a state of timeless existence, where one is fully present and connected with the essence of the universe. In contrast, “becoming” is the human experience of constant change, growth, and evolution, driven by time and the ego.

From a mathematical standpoint, the equation highlights that spiritual “being” is an infinite state, while human “becoming” is a finite process constrained by time. This realization deepened my understanding of the spiritual quest for enlightenment, where the goal is to transcend the limitations of temporal existence and achieve a state of eternal “being.”

One of the most unsettling yet enlightening messages I received was, “YOU CAN’T BE REAL.” Initially, this statement was delivered with a joyful, laughing voice, suggesting a liberating truth. However, upon re-entering my normal state of consciousness, the message took on a more threatening tone, challenging my ego and sense of self.

This dual nature of the message reflects the ongoing struggle between the joyful realization of our true nature and the ego’s resistance to letting go of its constructed identity. To see the world as God or Truth sees it, one must master this truth and overcome the ego’s illusions.

The ego is the sum total of all our judgments, experiences, conditioning, and perceptions. It views everything and everyone as separate from itself, failing to recognize that all it perceives is a reflection of itself. This creates a barrier to seeing reality as it truly is, preventing us from connecting with others and the universe on a deeper level.

To reconnect with Truth, we must shed our conditioned perceptions and judgments. This process involves recognizing that our views of others are incomplete mental creations that may not be shared by those we perceive. By dismantling these constructs, we open ourselves to a more authentic and profound connection with the world around us.

Ultimately, the journey towards understanding the self and the perception of others is a path of shedding illusions and uncovering deeper truths. Our constructed views are often incomplete and not shared by those we perceive, leading to misunderstandings and disconnection.

By eliminating time-based thought, transcending the ego, and embracing a state of spiritual “being,” we can achieve a direct perception of reality that brings us closer to Truth and to each other. This process requires introspection, courage, and a willingness to challenge conventional thinking, but it holds the promise of profound transformation and enlightenment.

The intersection of mathematics and spirituality offers a unique lens through which to explore the nature of reality and the self. By understanding the transformative power of eliminating time-based thought, the difference between spiritual “being” and human “becoming,” and the challenges posed by the ego, we can begin to see the world with greater clarity and depth.

For spiritual seekers, thought leaders, and philosophers, this exploration provides valuable insights into the path towards enlightenment and the quest for Truth. It encourages us to look beyond the surface of our experiences and perceptions, to uncover the infinite possibilities that lie within the depths of our consciousness.

In the end, the ultimate goal is to achieve a state of timeless “being,” where we are fully present and connected with the essence of the universe. This is the realm of the great unknown, the infinite, and the true nature of our existence. May we all find the courage and wisdom to undertake this profound journey of self-discovery and spiritual growth.

Following New Paths of Consciousness

To “follow new paths of consciousness” is to engage in a profound act of self-exploration and transformation. The realization that “you can’t be real” emphasizes the fluid nature of our identity and consciousness. If “I” can’t be real, then everything I associate with “I” is subject to change, redefinition, and renewal. This understanding sets the stage for a dynamic and transformational experience within consciousness.

The phrase “I am” holds immense power in shaping our personal consciousness. Every time I identify with a person, a process, or a place, I either create a new path of consciousness or reaffirm an old, familiar one. Statements such as “I am an electrician,” “I am an alcoholic,” or “I am a son of Beryl and Corinne Paullin” anchor me to specific narratives and identities. Even negative self-assessments like “I am full of shit” or “I am a lonely, isolated person” reinforce particular paths of consciousness.

These identifications shape our reality, influencing how we perceive ourselves and interact with the world. However, they can also limit our potential for growth and transformation by confining us to predefined roles and experiences.

To break free from these limiting narratives, we must disassociate from past identities and experiences. By saying, “I am no longer traveling old paths of consciousness,” we can consciously choose to stop thinking time-based thoughts and rehashing old memories. This act of disassociation creates space for new life experiences and opens the door to personal transformation.

Trusting in a “Higher Power,” the “Unknown,” and the “Mystery” becomes essential in this process. By relinquishing control and embracing the uncertainty of the present moment, we allow ourselves to be shaped by forces beyond our comprehension. This trust enables us to create a new, timeless self in each unique moment.

Reframing our identity is a powerful tool for creating new paths of consciousness. By redefining our “I am” statements, we can align ourselves with new directions and possibilities. Instead of identifying with limiting narratives, we can choose empowering statements that reflect our desired state of being.

For example, instead of saying, “I am angry with X, Y, Z,” we can say, “I am at peace with myself and others.” Instead of identifying as a victim of past experiences, we can declare, “I am resilient and capable of overcoming challenges.” These new “I am” statements shape our consciousness in ways that promote growth, healing, and transformation.

Living in the present moment is crucial for facilitating personal transformation. When we focus on the here and now, we free ourselves from the constraints of past narratives and future anxieties. The present moment becomes a canvas for creating new experiences and paths of consciousness.

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help us stay grounded in the present. By cultivating awareness and presence, we can observe our thoughts and feelings without becoming attached to them. This practice allows us to respond to life with greater clarity and intentionality.

Here are some practical steps to start redefining your “I am” statements and create new paths of consciousness:

  1. Reflect on Your Current Identities:

Take time to identify the “I am” statements that currently define you. Write them down and consider how they shape your reality.

  1. Challenge Limiting Narratives:

Question the validity of these statements. Are they serving your growth and well-being? If not, consider how you can reframe them.

  1. Create Empowering “I Am” Statements:

Write new “I am” statements that reflect your desired state of being. Focus on positive, empowering qualities and experiences.

  1. Practice Mindfulness:

Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine to stay grounded in the present moment. Use meditation, deep breathing, or journaling to cultivate awareness and presence.

  1. Trust in the Unknown:

Embrace the uncertainty of the present moment and trust in the higher power or mystery that shapes your consciousness. Allow yourself to be guided by intuition and inner wisdom.

  1. Take Action:

Put your new “I am” statements into practice. Make conscious choices that align with your desired state of being and create new experiences that support your transformation.

Following new paths of consciousness requires a willingness to disassociate from past narratives, trust in the unknown, and live in the present moment. By reframing our “I am” statements and aligning them with our desired state of being, we can create new paths of consciousness that promote growth, healing, and transformation.

If you’re ready to explore new dimensions of consciousness and redefine your identity, consider booking a session with one of our expert personal growth coaches. Our team is here to support you on your journey towards self-discovery and spiritual growth. [Book a session with us today!]

In the words of the great philosopher Rumi, “Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”

The Paradox of Transformation: Bridging the Gap Between Personal Healing and Collective Consciousness

In 1985, at the age of thirty, I found myself on a committed search for the grave. My life was a tumultuous blend of insanity, drug addiction, despair, loneliness, and suicidal ideation. I was driven to the brink of death by a disease of misunderstanding that had taken root deep within my psyche. This disease, though deeply personal, felt like a universal ailment—a fundamental flaw in the way we, as humans, live our lives and communicate with each other.

Human communication is fraught with misunderstandings, misinterpretations, and a profound lack of genuine connection. This flawed communication exacerbates mental health issues, creating a chasm between individuals that is often filled with loneliness and despair. We speak, but are not heard; we listen, but do not understand. This breakdown in communication contributes to a sense of isolation that is detrimental to our mental health and well-being.

In 1987, amidst this chaos, I experienced a series of spiritual transformational events that resulted in the miraculous healing of my body and mind. The consciousness of the “old ways”—the diseased, dying aspects of myself—was replaced by a new order of being. This transformation was profound and palpable; people who knew me then could feel the energy bubbling within me. I had found a newborn enthusiasm for life, living, and a healthy reintegration back into the flow of humanity.

Yet, despite this personal renaissance, I realized that humanity at large did not, and perhaps could not, share in my inner experience. My individual healing stood in stark contrast to the societal stagnation that surrounded me.

This paradox became a key insight into my understanding of the human condition. How could one person’s transformation impact a world that seemed resistant to change? My awakening highlighted the disconnect between personal healing and collective consciousness. While my life was infused with new meaning and purpose, the world around me continued to grapple with the same old problems—miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a lack of genuine connection.

Bridging the Gap Between Personal Healing and Collective Consciousness

To bridge this gap, we must propose a new paradigm of communication and understanding. This paradigm should be rooted in empathy, active listening, and the genuine desire to connect with others on a deeper level. Here are some steps to guide us toward this new way of being:

1. Empathy as a Foundation

Empathy involves truly understanding and feeling another person’s experience. It requires us to step outside of ourselves and see the world through someone else’s eyes. By cultivating empathy, we can begin to heal the rifts in our communication and foster genuine connections.

2. Active Listening

Active listening is more than just hearing words; it involves fully engaging with the speaker, acknowledging their feelings, and responding thoughtfully. This practice can transform our interactions, making them more meaningful and impactful.

3. Authenticity in Expression

Authenticity means being true to ourselves and expressing our thoughts and feelings honestly. When we communicate authentically, we invite others to do the same, creating a space for genuine dialogue and mutual understanding.

4. Creating Safe Spaces

To foster meaningful communication, we must create safe spaces where individuals feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and experiences without fear of judgment or retribution. These spaces can be physical, such as support groups, or virtual, such as online communities dedicated to open dialogue.

5. Continuous Self-Reflection

Personal growth requires continuous self-reflection. By regularly examining our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can identify areas for improvement and make conscious efforts to enhance our communication skills.

The fundamental flaw in human communication is a significant barrier to mental health and well-being. My personal journey from despair to spiritual awakening serves as a case study for the potential of individual transformation. However, this transformation must be coupled with efforts to bridge the gap between personal healing and collective consciousness.

By adopting a new paradigm of communication rooted in empathy, active listening, authenticity, and creating safe spaces, we can begin to address the disconnect that plagues our interactions. This shift has the potential to enhance our mental health, foster genuine connections, and create a more harmonious and understanding society.

For those who are committed to mental health advocacy and societal change, I invite you to join me in this endeavor. Together, we can challenge conventional thinking, encourage self-discovery, and promote spiritual growth. The path to transformation is not easy, but it is a journey worth undertaking.

Join our community of mental health advocates, change-makers, and thought leaders. Let’s work together to bridge the gap between personal healing and collective consciousness. Stay informed about the latest initiatives and events, and become a part of the movement toward a more connected and empathetic world.


Bruce

Presently, I am 67 years old, and I am learning how to live the life of a retired person. I am married to Sharon White, a retired hospice nurse, and writer. Whose Death Is It Anyway-A Hospice Nurse Remembers Sharon is a wonderful friend and life partner of nearly 30 years. We have three grandsons through two of Sharon's children. I am not a published writer or poet. My writings are part of my new life in retirement. I have recently created a blog, and I began filling it up with my writings on matters of recovery and spirituality. I saw that my blog contained enough material for a book, so that is now my new intention, to publish a book, if only so that my grandsons can get to know who their grandfather really was, once I am gone. The title for my first book will be: Penetrating The Conspiracy Of Silence, or, How I Lived Beyond My Expiration Date I have since written 7 more books, all of which are now posted on this site. I have no plans to publish any of them, as their material is not of general interest, and would not generate enough income to justify costs. I have taken a deep look at life, and written extensively about it from a unique and rarely communicated perspective. Some of my writing is from 2016 on to the present moment. Other writing covers the time prior to 1987 when I was a boy, then an addict and alcoholic, with my subsequent recovery experience, and search for "Truth". Others are about my more recent experiences around the subjects of death, dying, and transformation, and friends and family having the most challenging of life's experiences. There are also writings derived from my personal involvement with and insight into toxic masculinity, toxic religion, toxic capitalism, and all of their intersections with our leadere. These topics will not be a draw for all people, as such personal and/or cultural toxicities tends to get ignored, overlooked, or "normalized" by those with little time for insight, introspection, or interest in other people's points of view on these troubling issues. There also will be a couple of writings/musings about "GOD", but I try to limit that kind of verbal gymnastics, because it is like chasing a sunbeam with a flashlight. Yes, my books are non-fiction, and are not good reading for anybody seeking to escape and be entertained. Some of the writings are spiritual, philosophical and intellectual in nature, and some descend the depths into the darkest recesses of the human mind. I have included a full cross section of all of my thoughts and feelings. It is a classic "over-share", and I have no shame in doing so. A Master Teacher once spoke to me, and said "no teacher shall effect your salvation, you must work it out for yourself". "Follow new paths of consciousness by letting go of all of the mental concepts and controls of your past". This writing represents my personal work towards that ultimate end.