I have been sub-optimal in health the last three weeks.  I had a terrifying and painful experience with a kidney stone that literally wanted to “stone me” to death.  The laser surgery was last Wednesday to remove it, with continued internal bleeding ever since then.  I was prescribed five different types of medication  to treat symptoms, and the medications cumulative effect and impact caused great harm, as well, with nausea, lightheadedness, and stroke like symptoms, amongst many other unpleasant phenomenon.  The Stent from the right kidney to the bladder was removed today by the surgeon, perhaps my body/ mind will now be able to find a new normal.
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        I first met Ramona H. several years ago, when my Uncle Wayne was hospitalized and preparing for heart surgery.  It looked kind of bad for Wayne, yet Ramona knew it was not his time to leave.  We talked extensively about intuitive healing.  I told her about my experience with Marty C., she warned me about the potential deadly consequences to the practitioner of attempting to bring healing to those unwilling or incapable of accepting it.  Well, she was so right, my experience with Marty had the potential to kill me, as well, and nearly did.  We talked about boundaries, physical as well as spiritual, that we must erect, lest the healer lose his/her own health.  She talked of having to avoid my aunt Roxanne the last two years of her life, as she entered into a dementia where she persecuted my uncle, and acted hateful towards him at times.  There is only so much a healer can do, and if they go over the line, all may be lost.  At my uncle’s birthday party, when the perpetually disturbed youngest daughter of Wayne arrived, she and Duane left immediately, for Caryn carried the same soul sucking energy that her mother did. I left shortly afterwards too, taking a cue from a leader.
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       The “extent’ of her abilities, right now, appears to be life force readings, and gauging capacity of the individual to facilitate their own healing, with or without medical intervention.  She appears to believe in the power of medicine applied through loving practitioners, as long as the patient really wants it, as well.  Gosh, it is hard to believe, but some people play a double game, they tell the world they want to get better, yet they tell themself in secret that their life is no longer worth living…An intuitive healer with wisdom avoids those situations like the plague.  We each already have the capacity to work healing miracles within ourselves, yet we believe that we need others to help, which is never a bad thing, because healing happens through energy release and sometimes energy exchange, as long as the other empathic party is attuned enough to return the diseased energy back to the ground, rather than storing it.
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       You and Rich will find what you are looking for, if healing is the overriding intention.  I will be scheduling a time with Ramona soon, just as soon as my own energy clears a bit, I do not want to bring my own burden of unhealed energy with me unless it can’t be avoided.  I will give her your phone number, and she may contact you, or not, but if she picks something up with her spiritual antenna, and chooses to act, you will know it, immediately.  I have been hesitant to contact her because of my own uncertainty around my worthiness, but that immaturity is dying within me, finally.
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With love and hope for healing for all of us,
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Bruce
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Marie Schmidt and the Infinite Way
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In 1987, I met Marie Schmidt, a practitioner of Joel Goldsmith’s The Infinite Way, which is a movement involved with mysticism and spiritual healing..  She was a woman about 87 years old, who taught every Sunday at the old YWCA on 10th Avenue in downtown Portland.  I had seen a simple advertisement for her tape group, while attending the International New Thought Alliance conference in Portland in August of 1987.  The tape group was a combination meditation group, and a forum for listening to the taped teachings of Joel Goldsmith, a spiritual healer and mystic who first began his healing practice shortly after the Great Depression began.

She had been holding weekly meditations and tape recorded playbacks of Joel’s actual messages since 1962. Marie would sit in the front of the room, and lead a 15 minute meditation, followed by the playing of a cassette tape of one hour length.  She had a collection of at least 300 tapes, of which I eventually copied virtually all of them, and committed them to memory as best that I could. Marie had over 1000 hours of his recorded messages, which she ended up giving to me, and which I converted to digital format.. Some of the tapes were the old style reel-to-reel, and I was not able to convert those tapes to the more modern digital format.

I was captured by this group, which had mostly older people who attended.  I believe that I was the youngest person there, for the period from 1987-1991, while I remain involved with her group.  Initially, I kept my distance from most of the people, not really being sure what the whole business was about.  I eventually drew Joan Madsen and Marcus Jones into the group, who I knew from the International New Thought Alliance convention of 1987, as well as Alcoholics Anonymous, and the Living Enrichment Center.

Late in 1988, In Marie’s apartment, Me, Joan Madsen, Marie, Marcus Jones, and Jeff, from left to right.

Late in 1988, In Marie’s apartment, Me, Joan Madsen, Marie, Marcus Jones, and Jeff, from left to right.

One day in February of 1989, after I had just broken off an engagement to be married to Laurie H, and I was devastated.  The sweet old woman, Marie, offered me a “healing session”.  Well, I had my doubts, and nothing to lose, and I was a little curious about this “healing business”.  I went up to her apartment, still devastated, and meditated with her for 15 minutes. At the end, Marie spoke the “message” that she heard from Spirit, in regards to me.

“More perfect than you are, you could never be”,

with

“All that is human, is illusion”.

Well, OK, but how can I possibly apply that spiritual salve?

As I thanked her for her time, I then noticed I was totally at peace, and I was “healed” of all of my emotional disturbances around the ending of my engagement to Laurie.  It was as if the winds of Spirit had blown away everything from my mind, except peace and joy.

As I look at my life’s history, I have been healed by its Loving Mystery.

I later tried to have her heal my mentally sick ex-wife, Donelle,  with no success.  So there were limits to her ability, though she always stated that God  heals, not herself . I can almost now hear Marie’s voice, telling me, in regards to all of us:

“More Perfect than you are, you could never be.”

How that manifests in all of our lives remains an unraveled mystery, to be experienced by us each day that we have the privilege to wake up.  She would tell me that we are all blessed by each other’s continued walk through life.    Love goes before us, to make all of  “the crooked places straight”. We are Loved, and, in fact are Love Itself.    The body goes where it must, but also, so does our Hearts.  Go in Peace and Love, and always be willing to bring healing to any situation, for that is our mission, and who we are always to be.

In 1994, Marie was placed in the St. Andrews home near Mt. Tabor, when her nephew noted her deteriorating health, and he was concerned about her decline.  Marie continued to practice healing with the other patients, even while under care of the attending professionals.  My last visit to her, prior to her death, was characterized by her still restating to Sharon and me of our perfection in the eyes of God.

“More Perfect than you are, you could never be.”

—–Marie Schmidt

At lunch with Marie, Sharon, and I, around 1990

Believe in yourself. Believe in your potential. Be in your UNIQUE PRESENCE.

BE NOW, AND BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT OUR “I AM” IS THE DOOR TO THE ONLY GOD THAT WE CAN EXPERIENCE AS HUMAN BEINGS.

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If God is not looking through our eyes, there can be no God in our experience.

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Please release yourself from the labyrinth of the human mind, and save yourself.

Categories: Musings

Bruce

Presently, I am 67 years old, and I am learning how to live the life of a retired person. I am married to Sharon White, a retired hospice nurse, and writer. Whose Death Is It Anyway-A Hospice Nurse Remembers Sharon is a wonderful friend and life partner of nearly 30 years. We have three grandsons through two of Sharon's children. I am not a published writer or poet. My writings are part of my new life in retirement. I have recently created a blog, and I began filling it up with my writings on matters of recovery and spirituality. I saw that my blog contained enough material for a book, so that is now my new intention, to publish a book, if only so that my grandsons can get to know who their grandfather really was, once I am gone. The title for my first book will be: Penetrating The Conspiracy Of Silence, or, How I Lived Beyond My Expiration Date I have since written 7 more books, all of which are now posted on this site. I have no plans to publish any of them, as their material is not of general interest, and would not generate enough income to justify costs. I have taken a deep look at life, and written extensively about it from a unique and rarely communicated perspective. Some of my writing is from 2016 on to the present moment. Other writing covers the time prior to 1987 when I was a boy, then an addict and alcoholic, with my subsequent recovery experience, and search for "Truth". Others are about my more recent experiences around the subjects of death, dying, and transformation, and friends and family having the most challenging of life's experiences. There are also writings derived from my personal involvement with and insight into toxic masculinity, toxic religion, toxic capitalism, and all of their intersections with our leadere. These topics will not be a draw for all people, as such personal and/or cultural toxicities tends to get ignored, overlooked, or "normalized" by those with little time for insight, introspection, or interest in other people's points of view on these troubling issues. There also will be a couple of writings/musings about "GOD", but I try to limit that kind of verbal gymnastics, because it is like chasing a sunbeam with a flashlight. Yes, my books are non-fiction, and are not good reading for anybody seeking to escape and be entertained. Some of the writings are spiritual, philosophical and intellectual in nature, and some descend the depths into the darkest recesses of the human mind. I have included a full cross section of all of my thoughts and feelings. It is a classic "over-share", and I have no shame in doing so. A Master Teacher once spoke to me, and said "no teacher shall effect your salvation, you must work it out for yourself". "Follow new paths of consciousness by letting go of all of the mental concepts and controls of your past". This writing represents my personal work towards that ultimate end.