Insight and Mindfulness: Cultivating Authentic Awareness:  The Power of Firsthand Experience

Insight and Mindfulness: Cultivating Authentic Awareness:  The Power of Firsthand Experience

Many of the insights of the saint stem from their experience as sinners—Eric Hoffer

It is through deep introspection, contemplation, and the cultivation of mindfulness that we can unlock the doors to profound insights.  Engaging in mindfulness, self-reflection and deep introspection not only enhances self-awareness but also opens doors to personal growth, allowing us to refine our perspectives and make more informed choices.  Insights are those sudden flashes of understanding that have the power to illuminate the darkest corners of complexity, or even the darkest corners of our minds.  Insights transcend logical reasoning, allowing us to grasp the essence of intricate problems and find innovative solutions.

In the honest seeing of our problems through enhanced and sincere insight and awareness, our freedom is ultimately attained from our culturally conditioned and trauma influenced minds.  The preceding statement is a variation on quotes by many spiritual teachers, prophets, saints and savants, so please give it your highest regard. We all can be spiritually erumpent, yet our lives will never blossom into the beautiful, independent, fragrant flower they can become, while we continue to neglect our true selves, our life’s meaning, and our inner spiritual GPS. Sadly, our hearts will never break out into a dithyramb, instead remaining in stunned, helpless silence. We yearn for a better day while mourning the loss of our happiness and greater potential. We remain entombed behind the massive burial stone created by early family and cultural wounding, other forms of trauma, and our unconscious response to those wounds, until we begin the journey of self-discovery and spiritual awakening.

The oppression of major blocks of humanity coupled with Capitalist attitudes supporting the decimation of the plant and animal kingdoms reigns supreme in major sections of our culture. We tend to turn away from the suffering of others and avoid taking responsibility for the healing of this world, while remaining a distracted culture. This inattention is fueled by addictions to media devices or mind-numbing ideologies, and diversions of our life force into mindless entertainment while also worshipping TV actors, sports stars, movie personalities, and spiritual gurus.. Alcohol, drug, and personal power abuses continue, seemingly unabated. False or underqualified teachers and leaders we have ignorantly chosen to follow continue the disturbing trend started by our ancestors until the beginnings of human consciousness. Some still play make-believe and cling to the spiritual accomplishments of others, such as the historical Jesus or Buddha, and ignore the call to work out their salvation.. As a result, those who do not perform the required spiritual reclamation projects will continue to needlessly suffer, while bringing no relief from suffering to others…

To facilitate awakening and healing, we must reject the precedent that has been established, while aspiring to become our saviors, with awakened powers of understanding and compassion. New thoughts not based upon wounded memories are essential. Otherwise, we continue layering over, or covering our non-examined embedded belief structures with another coat of paint, while our decaying house of consciousness shakes with its ever-eroding foundation..

There are no quick-fix solutions. Our country has been fed on spiritual and religious fast food for much too long. What is next in the queue for us?

• drive through healing?
•  five-minute meditations for transformation and prosperity?
•  new diets that guarantee weight loss and immortality?
• books that promise that all of your prayers will be answered if you would just pray the one special way offered by the starving author?.
• a magic pill that erases all difficult memories, and creates pleasure where there once was only pain?

Or, should we just declare “it is what it is”, throw up one’s hands in surrender, and just accept defeat, or that all is “God’s will”?

If we do not understand the system that we are trying to repair, we are only introducing more chaos into an already unstable process, and we risk further damage to, or the destruction of, an already compromised life. We must not get bogged down by resentments, judgments, denial, and ignorance.. We need to proceed carefully and consciously as we look for the causes of our individual and cultural distresses. We must enhance our understanding of ourselves and all of our relationships. Then, we can intelligently and logically troubleshoot them with the best tools and techniques, knowledge, insight, and intuition presently available.

I have lived two complete lives in my 68+ years on this planet. Much of the first life is still available to me, both through my family history, my writings, and my own very good memory. In my first life, I was plagued with toxic, self-limiting and debasing internal dialogue and beliefs. Had it not been for a deep need to understand my dysfunctional process, and try to find an underlying healing truth amid my chaos, I would not have awakened, and instead I would have passed away long ago..Some aspects of my former life eluded my ability to communicate around and about them, and thus added to my personal and cultural conspiracy of silence. Some wounds were so deep, and primal, that I had no language for them, with just a vague, ongoing anxiety and disconnect from others that plagued me through the first iteration of myself.

If we begin our search for truth and healing, we will eventually find the common threads that were woven together into straight jackets, and then burial shrouds, rather than as potential mantles signifying discipleship to higher spiritual possibilities..Often, our clues are not immediately evident and obvious and available. It pays great dividends to give attention to our dreams, personal poetry and writing, physiological issues, conversations with family members, and therapists, and, sometimes, just following up on hunches and our intuition to finally expose what our clues may be, or where to research further for them, A good assumption to start with is that we have been traumatized in one or more ways during our childhood, especially if we are presently not experiencing great bodily health, joy, love, and a sense of purpose.. How might a successful search for truth begin?

• By tiring of the way things are or having our hearts broken and becoming willing to make changes in course.
• By studying the narratives of our culture, our family system, and ourselves, and developing a curiosity about new possibilities.
• By becoming aware of collective archetypes that unconsciously, influence us, and developing a willingness to let go of any unhelpful controls.
• By listening to our intuition, insight, meditations, and dreams, and following any clues that are revealed.

I began seeking healing and balance in earnest in 1987. Before that point, the act of creating personal stories with their isolated lonely context characterized my narratives. I found that just being conversational about the details of my life, without accompanying insight, did not dislodge the detritus from my field of conscious awareness. The Devil is in the details, figuratively speaking, and, as my desire for change was great, I found that I needed to find a way to see under the vast matrix of my oft-times conflicted mind, a mind disordered by a fixation on the chaos generated from our cultural influences and from my past..

The healing journey is to find the timeless silence at the foundation of our being, but this requires great insight and dedication. Plato, and the Oracle at Delphi, stated that once we really understood ourself, we could become intimately aware of God and the Universe.  But we must comprehend the whole process of naming and all knowledge subsequently inspired, for the stories that arise may be just more time-based narratives characterized by intellectual knowledge and self-satisfying entertainment.

To develop the capacity for the insight that brings divine knowledge requires a tremendous depth of desire to know one’s self.  This is a complete, more profound holistic knowing that overcomes a lifetime of suffering, ignorance, and indifference and oppression by others, and repression of one’s emotional and spiritual nature.  Once we truly know ourselves, all that we see, and will ever see, unto eternity, is our Self.  If we are still fragmented, chaos driven,  and divided within ourselves, our perceptions of the outer world will reflect that inner turbulence.

• Is the Book Of Genesis within the Bible pointing to something completely different than most people realize?
• How does one eliminate the causes, within our consciousness, of the emotional and spiritual equivalents of the auto-immune diseases within our bodies?
• What if a real miracle was trying to happen in our lives, and too few people cared or were not even aware enough to attempt to look for it?

     Indifference and its favorite dance partner, ignorance, are the foundations for chaos in our world and within our minds..Those who refuse to look at the toxicities within themselves and within our culture become unconscious and unwitting contributors and supporters of the darkness. Indifference, ignorance, and its deadly spawn hatred continue to threaten to destroy everyone and everything.  Tragically, in this age, collective outpourings of love and support for victims follow domestic terrorist acts, rather than healing and preparing the culture enough to prevent the heinous behavior in the first place. But through Insight and mindfulness,  minds and hearts are transformed, making all of us much less likely to become the source of suffering for others, and we become living examples of loving non-violence in action.  Insight plants the seed of the miracle into our minds, and mindfulness is the great gardener of that miracle, resulting in a more abundant, healthy crop of happier, peaceful, loving, and ordered thoughts.

Insights

Insight and Mindfulness: A Journey Through Dreams

In the realm of consciousness, where our waking lives intertwine with the ethereal world of dreams, profound insights await those courageous enough to seek them. My most profound experience of insight occurred during my childhood—a vivid dream that transcended the ordinary and plunged me into the depths of self-discovery and mindfulness.

In 1964, at the tender age of nine, I found myself grappling with a persistent fear of sleep. Nights were fraught with nightmares, making the prospect of falling asleep a daunting task. Despite my efforts to go to bed early, I rarely drifted off before midnight. To counter this dread, I developed a nightly ritual of introspection—reviewing my day and contemplating how I could improve my behavior and interactions.

It was during this tumultuous period that I experienced a dream so vivid and intense that it would forever alter my understanding of fear, mindfulness, and self-awareness.

The Dream

The dream began in a high mountain village by a serene lake, reminiscent of Lake Titicaca in the Andes. The village priest, having received a divine directive, gathered the villagers and instructed them to discard all their golden figurines and sacred symbols into the lake. He urged them to face their deepest fears without the crutch of their idols or symbols of protection.

Returning to his home, the priest followed suit, throwing his own treasures into the lake. Stripping bare of all physical and symbolic protections, he prepared to confront the dark forces. Surrounded by an eerie fog, he summoned his inner strength, and sparks began to fly from his fingertips, illuminating the surrounding darkness.

As he channeled his energy, a palpable fear gripped him. The fierce battle drained his life force, yet he pressed on, determined to confront the lurking evil. In a climactic moment, a face materialized within the fog—the face of the “evil one.” To his shock and horror, the priest realized that the face staring back at him was his own.

This dream, while intensely personal, carries a universal message. The priest’s confrontation with his own fear and darkness symbolizes the process of introspection and mindfulness. It illuminates the profound truth that the external threats we perceive are often projections of our internal struggles.

By discarding their idols, the villagers—and the priest himself—symbolize the act of letting go of external dependencies and protections. This act of surrender allows for a deeper exploration of the self, unearthing hidden fears and unresolved conflicts.

Introspection, therefore, becomes a powerful tool for personal transformation. By reflecting on our actions and behaviors, we can identify areas for improvement, leading to a more harmonious inner world and, consequently, a more peaceful external reality.

The paradox of seeking peace by confronting fears is poignantly illustrated in the priest’s battle. True peace and inner strength arise not from avoiding or suppressing fear, but from facing it head-on. The priest’s decision to summon the dark forces, despite the imminent danger, exemplifies the courage required to confront our deepest anxieties.

The dream’s symbolism extends beyond the individual to the collective human experience. We create idols, gods, and protective mechanisms to shield ourselves from perceived evil. Yet, these constructs often serve to perpetuate our ignorance and fear. The realization that the “evil one” is a projection of the self underscores the necessity of self-awareness and personal responsibility.

The lessons from this dream are applicable to anyone navigating personal struggles or seeking profound insight. By turning inward, we can uncover the root causes of our fears and anxieties. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and reflective journaling, can facilitate this process, fostering greater self-awareness and emotional resilience.

The journey of insight and mindfulness is a continuous process of self-discovery and growth. By confronting our fears and letting go of external protections, we can cultivate inner strength and peace. The universal message of my childhood dream serves as a reminder that the path to enlightenment begins within.

Lake Titicaca Peru-Bolivia-South-America

One of the most profound insights I’ve encountered dates back to a fourth-grade science experiment led by Mr. Hill, our principal and co-teacher. He heated a portable electric stove and set a thin sheet of metal onto the burner. The metal distorted and became unrecognizable. I was struck silent, unable to find words for what I had seen. In a bid to fit in, I copied the descriptions my classmates penned, realizing how dependent I was on others for descriptions of events beyond my understanding.

This dependency on second-hand descriptions can overshadow the raw mystery of life. Society often establishes a continuity of reality, favoring shared understanding over individual perception. This pattern extends to religion, politics, and social constructs, forming a foundation for illusion. Those who never experience the event themselves may worship the description, missing the actual occurrence.

Fast forward to my junior year in high school, I faced a similar challenge. Required to keep a daily journal for a writing class, I found myself incapable of articulating my internal experiences. I listened to others, accepting or rejecting their narratives, but couldn’t describe my own inner world. In desperation, I turned to Hugh Prather’s Notes To Myself, copying and personalizing statements to pass the class. This lack of self-awareness continued through high school and into college, where my life was further clouded by substance use and emotionally unhealthy relationships.

The absence of personal honesty and insight limited my choices and left me feeling trapped. I lacked the words to describe my inner turmoil, living a lie that prevented me from making necessary changes. This verbal and emotional disconnect was a missed opportunity for growth, as verbalizing my distress could have facilitated healing.

Revisiting insight again, in April 1984, I checked into the Care Unit of Lovejoy Hospital, hoping to maintain my job with the US Postal Service and achieve sobriety. My counselor, Claire, required us to keep a daily journal documenting our “internal weather.” Yet, I remained uncomfortable recording my inner universe. Writing to please others or make someone else wrong provided some content, but true self-honesty eluded me. Despite attending groups and practicing the 12 steps of AA, fundamental flaws in my personal consciousness hindered my progress.

My quest for peace of mind necessitated becoming aware and listening to my heart. Insight and mindfulness, along with meditation, helped me confront my inner demons and find my truth. It became clear that I must name and understand my personal experiences before addressing the outer world, to avoid projecting unhealed intentions onto others.

Insight and mindfulness are crucial for genuine self-discovery and growth. They involve developing the capacity to observe and articulate one’s experiences, fostering a deeper understanding of oneself. Here’s how to cultivate these practices:

1. Firsthand Observation

• Engage in activities that require direct observation. Take notes and describe events or experiences in your own words.
• Reflect on these observations to develop a deeper understanding of your perceptions.

2. Daily Journaling

• Maintain a journal documenting your thoughts, feelings, and insights.
• Be honest and introspective, focusing on your internal experiences rather than external validations.

3. Mindfulness Meditation

• Practice mindfulness to become aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
• Use meditation as a tool to explore your inner landscape and develop a deeper connection with your true self.

4. Active Listening

• Listen to others empathetically, but also question and reflect on your interpretations.
• Avoid blindly adopting others’ descriptions; instead, seek to understand and articulate your own experiences.

5. Self-Honesty

• Confront the truths about yourself, even if they are uncomfortable.
• Accept personal responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions.

6. Community and Support

• Engage with a supportive community that encourages self-exploration and authenticity.
• Share your insights with others, fostering mutual growth and understanding.

Insight and mindfulness are not just practices but pathways to genuine self-discovery and authentic living. By developing these skills, we can navigate life’s complexities with a deeper understanding of ourselves and our place in the world. They allow us to move beyond borrowed descriptions and cultivate our unique perspectives, fostering personal growth and meaningful connections with others.

If you’re ready to embark on this path of self-discovery, remember that insight and mindfulness require patience, practice, and a willingness to confront the unknown. But the rewards—inner peace, clarity, and authentic living—are well worth the journey.

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“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

– Anaïs Nin

“The unexamined life will be painfully lived.”

– Jack Boland

The word must become flesh and dwell within us. Insight and mindfulness help transform our internal chaos into coherent understanding. They guide us towards peace, authenticity, and a life well-examined.

For me, God is the self-organizing principle of consciousness within each one of us. Each of us has this principle, which integrates and sustains our sense of self. By developing insight and mindfulness, we honor this principle and foster a deeper connection with our true selves.

The Self-Organizing Principle of Consciousness as God

In our quest for spiritual fulfillment and personal growth, the concept of God often emerges as a daunting yet central theme. It evokes a myriad of reactions, from awe and reverence to skepticism and rejection. For many, the term “God” carries baggage—historical, cultural, and personal. Yet, what if we could redefine this concept in a way that is both accessible and deeply meaningful? What if God is not an external, omnipotent entity but an intrinsic part of our own consciousness—a self-organizing principle that lends coherence and purpose to our existence?

Please do not be intimidated or repulsed by the name God when I refer to it. For me, God is the self-organizing principle of consciousness within each one of us, plain and simple. Each one of us has a self-organizing principle, or we would not remain integrated and true to our sense of self, and we would dissolve into chaos, fragmentation, and insanity. If you see God in terms of some sort of creative power of the universe, a superpower, or a transcendent mystical being, you may be right, but my present definition of God is designed to meet the need for the following discussion.

To understand this concept more deeply, let’s turn to the Old Testament. “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was formless and void, and darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was moving over the surface of the waters.” – Genesis 1:1-2 NASB. This passage paints a picture of disorganization and uncertainty— a world in chaos. But ‘God’ changed everything. ‘His’ action began as “His” Spirit was “moving.” The Hebrew word here suggests careful and deliberate observation, a brooding over the chaos before action was taken. God then declared, “Let there be light.” This light illuminated everything, bringing order out of chaos.

This story illustrates the process of spiritual development that each of us must undertake. We must bring order out of the chaos that we created through ignorance in our minds. By separating light from dark, we can only find rest when we become one with the goodness at the center of our being. Mindfulness, or as Alcoholics Anonymous puts it, “taking personal inventory,” is essential. When we miss the mark, we must promptly admit it and change course rather than waste time defending our illusions.

God’s actions in creation help us understand how to approach our lives. ‘God’ brings clarity to confusion, replaces disorganization with organization, and transforms chaos into order. Those who are aimless are given new plans; emptiness is replaced by meaning and purpose. Any sense of darkness is replaced by new understanding, a process now known as MINDFULNESS but known to “godly people” for all of time. God does not judge us; we judge ourselves. We can become more “godlike” in nature and manner once we acknowledge our blocks to love’s awakening and awareness within.

A fixed truth about life is that if we can’t honestly look at where we are, we will never find the true motivation or foundation for change. An unexamined life results in a damaged, dysfunctional existence, both for individuals and the collective society they participate in. Many Christians believe they can be saved from their darkness by claiming the work performed by somebody else. However, for those who have truly made “conscious contact with the God of our understanding,” the realization comes that our own blood is more than acceptable. The only sacrifice necessary is our erroneous understanding of who we are and who or what our fellow-man is.

We are typically healed through the power of present-moment awareness. We need not claim healing through the long-dead consciousness of some purported master or saint. Truth and healing do not require an intermediary. No teacher will affect our salvation; we must work it out for ourselves. The God of our misunderstanding only needs our humility, patience, and sincerity to approach successfully. The medium for healing is our own consciousness and the consciousness of our spiritually aware “helpers,” happening now.

Seeing God as the self-organizing principle of consciousness invites us to take personal responsibility for incorporating love and understanding into our worldviews. This perspective challenges conventional thinking and encourages self-discovery and spiritual growth. By aligning ourselves with this self-organizing principle, we can transform chaos into order, ignorance into understanding, and darkness into light. This is not just a religious or philosophical exercise but a practical approach to living a fulfilled, harmonious life.

The path to spiritual enlightenment is not through external validation or historical doctrines but through the continuous, mindful examination of our own lives. We must acknowledge our illusions, confront our misconceptions, and strive for a deeper, more authentic connection with ourselves and the world around us. Only then can we achieve the “rest” that comes from knowing we are aligned with the divine order of our own consciousness.

The Windshield Wiper: A Metaphor for Addressing Toxicity Within Individual Consciousness

I often receive questions about why I feel compelled to discuss the impact of toxic masculinity on my life and on humanity as a whole. Some assume that anger or hatred fuels my “attack” on masculine heritage and traditions. These inquiries inspired the following story, an allegory about the unseen dangers of unconscious behaviors.

A man got into his car and played Roberta Flack’s version of Jimmy Cliff’s song “I Can See Clearly Now.” Despite the driving rainstorm, he felt confident as he cruised down the road. Not more than a block later, he collided head-on with another vehicle, critically injuring both himself and the other driver, a woman.

The investigating officer discovered that the male driver had neglected to turn on his windshield wipers. When questioned later in the hospital, the man responded, “Officer, I did everything right. I was playing the right music and trusted that I was seeing all I needed to see.”

The officer cited him for reckless endangerment and reckless driving.

This story serves as a powerful metaphor. Our unconscious behaviors cause damage every moment of every day. Like the man driving without his windshield wipers in a storm, many of us go through life with a limited, obstructed view, causing harm without even realizing it. Turning on the windshield wipers represents the conscious effort to examine and address our behaviors and beliefs.

Toxic masculinity perpetuates harmful behaviors, attitudes, and expectations. It encourages men to suppress emotions, avoid vulnerability, and dominate or control others. This mindset not only harms individuals but also ripples out, affecting relationships, communities, and society at large.

Engaging in introspection and self-awareness is crucial for addressing these unconscious behaviors. This process does not demonize masculinity but seeks to recognize and eliminate its toxic aspects. The goal is to foster a new, conscious masculinity that embraces vulnerability, empathy, and self-improvement.

Why would anyone think that applying another coat of spiritual paint over a decaying house would have any lasting effect? Similarly, layering new thoughts over unexamined, embedded belief structures is futile. In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), this is referred to as a “look good” façade, where the exterior appears fine, but the interior remains corrupted and unhealed.

A favored AA expression is, “We are only as sick as our secrets.” Secrets keep us sick, whether we want to deal with them or not. The examined life demands that we take inventory of ourselves and understand the motivations behind our thoughts and actions. The deeper we dig, the more we realize our profound connection with humanity. Individual healing can have a ripple effect, positively influencing collective consciousness.

Outdated religious fundamentalist modes of thought continue to pollute the minds and hearts of millions. These beliefs often support toxic masculinity and hinder personal growth and societal progress. Instead, we need to cultivate a New Truth that aligns with our evolving understanding of humanity and consciousness.

Jesus of Nazareth’s teachings offer insights relevant to contemporary societal issues:

• “My kingdom is not of this world.”
• “Be in this world, yet do not be of it.”
• “Do not attempt to remove the sliver from each other’s eye before first removing the log from your own eye.”
• “Straight is the way, and narrow is the gate, and very few there are who will enter in.”
• “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

These teachings emphasize the importance of inner transformation and self-awareness, encouraging us to look within and address our flaws before attempting to change others.

Pockets of conscious, self-aware individuals have always existed, striving for spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and physical well-being. While this collective awakening may not fully manifest in our lifetime, changes within individual consciousness can contribute to broader societal shifts.

Breaking free from the “common knowledge game” requires constant examination and re-examination of our beliefs and behaviors. Only then can we move beyond oppression and repression, fostering a society rooted in truth, empathy, and understanding.

Our country is in a downward spiral, where truth is often manipulated and distorted. This ideological war threatens our collective well-being. Supporting Pseudo-Christian Apocalyptic irrationality and policies that favor the wealthy and powerful spells doom for the rest of us and our precious world.

However, by turning on our metaphorical windshield wipers—engaging in introspection, addressing toxic masculinity and subservience to patriarchal values, and cultivating a new, more conscious humanity—we can contribute to a healthier, more connected society. It starts with each of us taking personal inventory and committing to ongoing self-improvement.

Let’s start this journey together. Engage in self-reflection, challenge outdated beliefs, and strive for a conscious humanity that benefits all. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below, and let’s foster a community of growth and understanding.

    Mindfulness Revisited 

The Word (peace, love, healing, wholeness, unity of life) must become flesh, and dwell within me, and within all of us.  To not have that experience is to invite all of the darkness, turbulence, and disease that the world has to offer into our individual, and collective, lives.  Through insight and mindfulness, the difficult emotions that arise within the human experience are experienced in the most sacred, honored way of the Spirit within us, and not subservient to the controls of those in religious, cultural, or political power who attempt to dictate to their flocks who we should be, and how we should express ourselves.  We become more free, and honest, human beings.  And, a few of us get to experience the real miracle, where we see from that aspect of our real nature that can watch our thoughts arise, without being the self who remains unconsciously controlled by them

“Nothing will come near your dwelling place, for those who live in the secret place of the most high”.
—Psalm 91:1

     Mindfulness is meditation, with our eyes wide open.  One day, perhaps we will all stop looking through the kaleidoscope of our broken minds, and see a glorious vision of unity, love, peace, and healing.  Insight and mindfulness work together to bring the parts of ourselves back into alignment with each other and reduce the profound impacts of brokenness and chaos in our lives.  It is a lifelong process, and personal awareness is more necessary than the brushing of our teeth, the daily changing of our underwear, or the eating of organic and/or non-processed foods for our overall well-being (but please do not discontinue those healthy behaviors!).  With mindfulness cultivating the seeds planted by insight, a new world order can grow, and bring our world back into alignment with the higher orders of peace, health, and collective well

    In October of 2022 I was at a 14-hour spiritual retreat. It was the most powerful and transcendent experience that I had experienced in many years.  The facilitator, after deep meditation and extensive personal sharing, questioned me as to why I did not recognize myself as a beautiful person.  I replied that, though I know of my interior beauty and the beauty of my world, my body now shows to the world anything but that.  I am in my late 60s, I have psoriasis, skin cancer, wrinkles on my neck that Botox would help etc., so my body image certainly kept me from acknowledging a truth that the facilitator wanted me to see, and of which my wife concurred with upon my return home.

I had long ago left that part of my biological and cultural self that sought a more perfect body in a quest to be attractive to the opposite sex (I am heterosexual).  My search has ended in that regard, with my present spiritual and physical partner Sharon having become my life partner since 1989.   Yet, I forget to consciously cultivate my love for my body, and express gratitude for the continued miracle of its existence as the vehicle for my version of consciousness.

The facilitator stated that if I only perceived my beauty to be an interior phenomenon, I was still just living out of my “head space”, as beauty is of THE WHOLE BEING, body, mind, and spirit, and a reflection of our connection with Mother Earth, and the Universe.  We are all of immeasurable beauty and significance, and these two qualities must forever remain within our hearts, and remain independent of our biological, social, and personal agendas, AND THE UNINFORMED OPINIONS OF OTHERS.   Otherwise, our failure to conform to the expectations of others will create internal informants who become our tricksters, and fool us into accepting disfigured visions, and versions of the innate perfection of life.

Wow, that was quite a call on me.

I remembered the times growing up, when I felt rejected by most peers, sometimes because of my appearance.  My wife reminded me of the time that Marsha Feldman (deceased), a pulchritudinous friend of mine from the 1980s,  had rejected me as a lover because I did not have the classic handsome characteristics that her spoiled heart had demanded of all of her previous lovers.  I was not emotionally impacted by her assessment, as I had little interest in sexual relationships at the time. I treasured her platonic friendship, however. Yet, was the indifference that I exhibited, and claimed for myself, only a facade, and an actual manifestation of some deeper denial, self-neglect, or even hatred?

Marsha had the most perfect body, and face that I had ever seen.  Yet, even she was not happy.  She even visited with her Rabbi several times, trying to get to the root of her unique problems.  She had an auto-immune disease and wanted her Rabbi to explain to her how she could find God, and be healed of her suffering.  Her Rabbi told her, quite succinctly, that he had wasted much of his own life searching for God through the scripture, and through its laws, and he never found the Truth.  It was not until he began an intense exploration of himself that he finally arrived at the doorstep of the Truth.  He advised Marsha to learn about herself and her judgments against others and against herself,.  He told her that she must explore the darkest corners and secrets of her life, her relationship to her body, her friends, her enemies, her family, her loves, her hatreds, her employment, and her connection with Nature.  Marsha had to first see what “God” isn’t,, to find the path to what “God” is.

Her Rabbi stressed that If Marsha was to find the healing balm that “God” could provide,

SHE HAD TO FIRST FIND HERSELF.

The Rabbi’s message is one for the ages and one for all of us. Marsha’s Rabbi recommended that even though she was not an alcoholic, she should try any twelve-step support group, to begin exploration of her life at a deeper spiritual level.  That is how I met her, at the 1987 International New Thought Alliance conference in Portland, at the talk given by the world-famous expert in twelve steps work, and all-around motivational speaker,  Jack Boland.  He was a true master, and several years later at another Portland speaking engagement, he had the temerity to tell me that he probably knew me more than I knew myself.  He stated to me that I needed more pain in my life, to motivate me to want to dive deeper into my true self, and recovery.

It has taken me a while, but I now realize that one of the dark forces that had dominated my early life continued to act as a subtle informant to my unconscious conspiracy of silence around my traumatic wounding, and my, as yet, failure to fully turn the dark black holes of negative influence from those early years into the light of the beauty of an infinite present moment experience.

Something that my mind now tells me is obvious, was not so obvious, before.  The self-negating fact was so close, and so normalized historically, that I had accepted it, and made it a foundation, or an unconscious subroutine, that supported the incomplete understanding of who I thought I was.  I have an auto-immune disease:

I AM ATTACKING MYSELF,

through a false understanding of my body and its appearance to myself, and to others.

Should I have known better?

As I am an evolving consciousness, by remaining open to the wisdom of others, my own improving insight is enhanced and supported by other awakening souls and their compassionate feedback.  Our collaborative insight helps all of us to see which part of ourselves to feed and support, or which parts to starve out of our awareness.  Mindfulness and meditation help keep us connected to the “what is”, and the light of that awareness can bring transformative changes to the “seer” and to our “seeing”.

Another great insight was gained through the retreat and feedback process.  While in my spiritually adjusted state (higher consciousness) I was able to see, without judgment, one of my last remaining attachments to ego identification, other than to my body.

It was my body of writing!

The same judgment that I had heaped upon myself for the state of my body, I was also heaping upon myself for the state of my writings.  I saw how I had tried to bring my writings to the world in a way that was more presentable, and readable by the general public.  I had fallen ill to the need to cater to other people’s perceptions, rather than just making my own best presentation and letting the chips fall where they may.  In my most exalted state, I saw that my writings, just like my body, were suffering from an auto-immune disease, the disease where I permitted myself to attack myself for the failure of my self to make my appearance to others more pleasing.

The related, and parallel ideas that my face, and my writings, needed a botox treatment to be more presentable to others is an ongoing revelation.  Yet, I am in the process of transforming that darkness into the light of the present moment.

It is important that one fact still be entertained within my consciousness:

My body, and my writings, are temporary containers for my infinite spiritual potential.  As such, they were created to serve my Spirit as channels for Its Infinite Expression, while my evolving consciousness and mindfulness keep me focused on that ultimate goal for my human expression and experience…

How do I bring healing to all of those mistakes of perception?  Sometimes, the greatest healing techniques have already been developed, so in this case, I don’t need to reinvent the wheel.  The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, spiritually reinterpreted, plus an ancient mindfulness story, are great supportive tools.

Practical Steps for Mindfulness and Introspection

1. Daily Reflection:

• Set aside time each day to reflect on your actions, thoughts, and emotions. Consider what you could have done differently and how you can improve.

2. Meditation:

• Practice mindfulness meditation to develop a deeper awareness of your inner world. Focus on your breath and observe your thoughts without judgment.

3. Journaling:

• Maintain a journal to document your reflections and insights. Writing can help clarify your thoughts and reveal patterns in your behavior.

4. Face Your Fears:

• Identify your fears and confront them directly. Instead of avoiding uncomfortable situations, approach them with curiosity and openness.

5. Seek Support:

• Engage with a community of like-minded individuals who share your commitment to personal growth. Supportive relationships can provide encouragement and accountability.