After 8 years of loving service and devotion, with personal sacrifice, my wife Sharon White has passed the torch of Aunt Susie’s care on to the professionals at Mountain Park Memory Care.

Susie is still quite competent for most of the day and evening, but her lapses due to 93 years of age made it impossible for her to live at home without all day care options, which became unavailable.

I cared for her brother Beryl ( my father) and kept him in his home until his death. He had severe dementia from 2013-2017, so I took early retirement to be present for his needs. Being present for him, and his big, rambunctious dog, almost did me in, while keeping Sharon busy, too.  I derived enough insight and “benefit” from my care of my father, that I was inspired to write several (unpublished) books.  His death process, ultimately, helped to enlighten me as to my internal “tricksters”, and eventually help to empty me of my mistaken understanding of who I was.  Too bad that her daughter, who is severely depressed, had no intention to embark on that most difficult healing path.

I could not give up what little is left of my life to keep Susie at home. Sharon tried her hardest though.

We now have Susie’s cat, named Sassy, living with us, as the Center would not accept pets. Sassy continues to hide from me, being scared of her “new people”. I can only imagine the terror and confusion that my Aunt Susie is now experiencing in the Center, her new home as of today.

Argh, it was so much easier to be young, ignorant, and carefree.

Watching beloved family members, friends, companion animals, and, ultimately myself, deteriorate, suffer and die is life’s greatest challenge. It is heartbreaking and gutwrenching stuff.

Compassion and love for others, and for ourselves, are our greatest assets and treasures, and helps us to rise high enough, spiritually, to meet those challenges..

Cultivating these qualities eventually changes the world, and, ultimately, my response to it..

It is the difficult work of an engaged Life.

 

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Categories: Musings

Bruce

Presently, I am 67 years old, and I am learning how to live the life of a retired person. I am married to Sharon White, a retired hospice nurse, and writer. Whose Death Is It Anyway-A Hospice Nurse Remembers Sharon is a wonderful friend and life partner of nearly 30 years. We have three grandsons through two of Sharon's children. I am not a published writer or poet. My writings are part of my new life in retirement. I have recently created a blog, and I began filling it up with my writings on matters of recovery and spirituality. I saw that my blog contained enough material for a book, so that is now my new intention, to publish a book, if only so that my grandsons can get to know who their grandfather really was, once I am gone. The title for my first book will be: Penetrating The Conspiracy Of Silence, or, How I Lived Beyond My Expiration Date I have since written 7 more books, all of which are now posted on this site. I have no plans to publish any of them, as their material is not of general interest, and would not generate enough income to justify costs. I have taken a deep look at life, and written extensively about it from a unique and rarely communicated perspective. Some of my writing is from 2016 on to the present moment. Other writing covers the time prior to 1987 when I was a boy, then an addict and alcoholic, with my subsequent recovery experience, and search for "Truth". Others are about my more recent experiences around the subjects of death, dying, and transformation, and friends and family having the most challenging of life's experiences. There are also writings derived from my personal involvement with and insight into toxic masculinity, toxic religion, toxic capitalism, and all of their intersections with our leadere. These topics will not be a draw for all people, as such personal and/or cultural toxicities tends to get ignored, overlooked, or "normalized" by those with little time for insight, introspection, or interest in other people's points of view on these troubling issues. There also will be a couple of writings/musings about "GOD", but I try to limit that kind of verbal gymnastics, because it is like chasing a sunbeam with a flashlight. Yes, my books are non-fiction, and are not good reading for anybody seeking to escape and be entertained. Some of the writings are spiritual, philosophical and intellectual in nature, and some descend the depths into the darkest recesses of the human mind. I have included a full cross section of all of my thoughts and feelings. It is a classic "over-share", and I have no shame in doing so. A Master Teacher once spoke to me, and said "no teacher shall effect your salvation, you must work it out for yourself". "Follow new paths of consciousness by letting go of all of the mental concepts and controls of your past". This writing represents my personal work towards that ultimate end.

1 Comment

rkcdlitt · March 16, 2022 at 11:49 AM

May God comfort you in these trials

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