To Honor an Experience of 38 years ago.
(version 1): Exploring the Nature of Divine Visions and Revelations
Throughout history, the idea of divine vision or revelation has captivated humanity. From biblical accounts of burning bushes to mystical experiences rooted in meditation or intense reflection, these moments often present themselves as a bridge between the earthly and the transcendent. But what exactly are these occurrences? Are they messages from a higher power, manifestations of our inner consciousness, or perhaps both? I continue to explore the profound nature of divine revelations through historical, personal, and interpretative lenses, offering insight into their purpose, relevance, and potential for transformation.
Divine visions and revelations are extraordinary experiences often described as a connection to a higher power or cosmic truth. They can take the form of visual imagery, auditory messages, or deep, inexplicable knowing and typically occur during moments of intense emotion, desperation, or spiritual seeking. Historically significant figures, from prophets to mystics like St. Teresa of Avila, have often recounted such experiences.
But these instances are not confined to the past or religious texts. Many individuals today report moments of divine clarity or visions, which shape their understanding of themselves and their purpose. What makes them remarkable is their ability to offer guidance, healing, and transformation, especially during crises or moments of profound searching.
On May 24, 1987, I had a life-altering vision born from the depths of despair and a fervent desire for healing. To fully understand its significance, I must share a bit of my own story, one marked by neglect, struggle, and the slow search for meaning.
I was an unintentional casualty of my circumstances as an infant. Unable to breastfeed and consumed by work, my mother could spare little nurturing time. My cries disrupted the household’s night-time peace, often leading to me being placed in a car in the garage so my father could rest after working two jobs. These moments of maternal absence created a void that would follow me for years, reflected in my delayed speech, nightly nightmares, bed-wetting, and an underlying sense of not belonging.
Through my childhood, loneliness felt almost like a constant companion. At school, my over-exuberance while seeking attention often led to disciplinary trouble, while my gravitation toward the gentler company of girls left me feeling further alienated among male peers who seemed more at ease in their world.
Adolescence brought little reprieve from these struggles. Romantic relationships seemed elusive, amplifying insecurities already deeply ingrained. I sought love in what seemed like the only path available, but an ill-fated marriage compounded feelings of inadequacy and despair. After its dissolution in 1984, two more failed relationships deepened my wounds.
By 1986, life had reached a breaking point. No longer able to see a way forward, I attempted to end my life. Yet, even in the depths of despair, something stirred. Following that night, I embarked on a one-year odyssey into darkness, navigating the shadows of Portland’s criminal underworld, my pain masked by substance use. Yet, this descent became an unlikely crucible, leading to the profound realizations that would eventually surface.
Emerging from the void in March 1987, I began a search for spiritual healing. I sought clarity, peace, and above all, the divine. With sincere devotion, I revisited the teachings of Alcoholics Anonymous and, for the first time, considered that perhaps the divine dwelled within me, unnoticed all these years.
Two months into sobriety, my yearning for healing culminated in a vision. I saw the figure of the Mona Lisa, serene and timeless, nursing a baby. This image stayed with me for an entire week, during which I felt enveloped in a profound sense of maternal love and nurturing. It was as though the infinite maternal care withheld in my childhood was now being bestowed upon me in divine form.
The experience was more than visual. It was deeply sensory and profoundly emotional. The light of divine motherly love seemed to permeate every corner of my being, bathing me in healing I never anticipated but so desperately needed.
How might one interpret such an experience? The vision seemed layered with meaning, tying my personal history to broader universal truths. Here’s what I believe:
- Healing Maternal Deprivation:
The image of the Mona Lisa nursing urged me to reconcile with my past and the early maternal absences that shaped much of my life. It affirmed that divine love, much like maternal care, is nurturing, unwavering, and universal.
- A Reminder of Divine Presence Within:
For many, including myself in those moments of despair, divine presence feels external, unreachable, almost elusive. Yet, the vision revealed that this nurturing love was not far removed but rooted within my very being.
- The Universality of Divine Communication:
I came to see this vision as a reminder that the divine communicates in ways we are most primed to understand. My yearning for maternal connection, so long denied, became the template for divine revelation.
The vision marked a pivotal turning point in my life. From childhood neglect and alienation to adult struggles with loss and addiction, it seemed as though those years of pain had collided into a moment of divine grace.
The capacity of divine visions and revelations to heal lies not only in their occurrence but in their ability to connect us to our deeper truths. They remind us of who we are beyond our trauma and struggles, illuminating paths we may have never considered.
For anyone reading this who feels lost in their search for meaning, know that divine communication does not always come in grand or mystical ways. It may arrive in stillness, during a sleepless night, or an ordinary moment of reflection. True divine revelations meet us where we are, speak our language, and, most profoundly, remind us of the love that resides within.
Divine visions are not exclusive to prophets or mystics. They belong to humanity’s shared spiritual heritage. By cultivating introspection, nurturing our spiritual desires, and seeking understanding during our darkest hours, we, too, can open ourselves to these profound experiences.
If this exploration resonated with you, I encourage you to take time to reflect on your own life’s journey. What pains linger unconsciously, and what forms of love or truth might bring healing? Perhaps the answers are already within you, waiting to be revealed.
(version 2): Breaking the Silence: The Transformational Power of Spiritual Experience
What if the most profound experiences of your life—the ones that have fundamentally shaped who you are—were not meant to be kept a secret?
But, what if, in the moments when the world needed them most, you were compelled to keep quiet?
For too long, this “Conspiracy of Silence” has pervaded our collective consciousness, discouraging us from openly sharing our transformative spiritual journeys. This silence robs us not only of personal growth, but also of the opportunity to ignite healing and change in those around us.
I know this because I’ve lived it. My life has been marked by moments of profound connection to the Divine and an extraordinary spiritual awakening. Spiritual experience not only lifted me out of the darkest depths of addiction and despair but also revealed a shocking truth that our world—steeped in patriarchal values and resistant to acknowledging higher levels of consciousness—desperately needs to hear.
The institutional structures we often turn to for spiritual guidance—churches, synagogues, mosques—have buried divine energy under layers of dogma, hierarchy, and rigid gender roles. I have experienced a universal love that extends to all beings, great and small. This moment crystallized my understanding of why so many people have rejected organized religion—not because they lack faith, but because these institutions often fail to reflect the expansive truth of the Divine.
Reconciling this truth with societal expectations is no easy task. It requires rejecting the narrow norms that have been imposed on us and courageously stepping into higher awareness. This is the work of personal transformation—and it is not for the fainthearted.
Before my awakening, addiction had consumed my life. Recovery—guided by the 12-step programs of Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Adult Children of Alcoholics—gave me the tools to rebuild my foundation. But spirituality was the missing link that gave my recovery depth and meaning. And, sometimes, these steps are known to carry those that practice them to new heights of spiritual experience and understanding.
One pivotal moment in my recovery was listening to Jack Boland’s tape series, Twelve Steps to a Spiritual Experience. These recordings helped me move beyond the mechanics of sobriety and into the heart of what it means to live a spiritually rich life. Boland’s teachings introduced me to the idea that recovery is not merely about abstaining from substances; it is about experiencing a profound transformation of the soul.
Through practices like prayer, meditation, and exploring nature, I began to feel truly alive again. I felt unspeakable gratitude for the interconnectedness of all things—a gratitude that continues to sustain me today. This connection to spirit introduced a resilience I never thought possible. It has enabled me to face—and ultimately transcend—the societal stigma and the internal self-doubt that so often accompany both addiction and spiritual seeking.
Today, I share my story not as an act of self-expression alone, but as an act of service, a love letter to humanity in its darkest hours. And, though I also know that many are not interested in this type of material, I will not let that fact discourage me from breaking the conspiracy of silence.
On May 24, 1987, I experienced what I can only describe as a direct encounter with universal love. Driving along Canyon Boulevard toward my friend Randy Olson’s house, I was overcome by a vision of a loving, infinite motherly presence cradling me like an infant. As I drove over the West Hills, that wonderful vision came to me, accompanied by a feeling that I had not had before. The vision of a loving mother, in the image of the Mona Lisa holding a baby, was chosen by my inner spirit to represent this infinite energy, for reasons to be explained later.
For the first time in my life, I felt the true depth of love—a force so overwhelming, so healing, and so inexplicably beautiful that I had to pull my car over to the curb, get out of the car, and fall to my knees. I felt the love of this wonderful UNIVERSE. There is the love we have for each other, for our friends, our pets, our children, our families, but this love that I felt flow into me, and through me, transported me into a heightened awareness, and awe. The beauty was too great to talk about, the feeling so overwhelming, so healing, so resurrecting.
I eventually made it to Randy’s house, and I met with him for the first time since drinking to a blackout fourteen months previous. Randy and I had consumed high levels of alcohol many times together over the years, and the impact of drugs and alcohol had really taken its toll on me. Randy could not believe his eyes when he saw me and loudly exclaimed.
“Bruce, what has happened to you? You look different, you look happy. You look at peace. You have changed!!!”
Yes, I had changed. I started talking to Randy about my experience, and Randy started to get tingling sensations up and down his spine. The hairs on his arms started sticking up straight off of his arms! Randy exclaimed
“Bruce, what is going on. When you talk, I start to tingle all over. What has happened to you?”
“Well, I think that I am having an experience with God, Randy.”, I said.
“Umm, Bruce, such an experience is not for me right now, but I am sure happy that you are having it, because you needed something different in your life really bad, and really quick!”.
How right he was!
I could not take Randy into my new-found world of love and happiness, I could only share, ever so briefly, my personal experience of it. Such is the way of much of the world, who have adapted in their own unique ways to not experiencing cosmic love. Our egos do a fine job shielding us from our greatest good. Sometimes, it takes a miracle, a transcendent vision, to shake us free from the ego’s pillory.
The image of the Mona Lisa holding a baby is a fascinating, enlightening image. I was later taught to understand that this energy is the Divine Feminine, of which our patriarchal world continues to suppress daily, and has successfully done so, more or less, for at least the last 2000 years. The wonderful feelings that accompanied that vision became known to me as divine horripilation.
It was reported some time back that Leonardo DaVinci had painted the Mona Lisa as a self-portrait of himself, in feminine form. His message is subject to interpretation, but in today’s terms, he was honoring his feminine side, or nature. He saw that the source of all creativity came from this mysterious, non-conscious center within himself where feelings of wonder, awe, mystery, and sensitivity to and compassion for others arises from. His mission was to symbolically represent the divine within himself, through the most effective medium of the day, which was painting.
Consciousness presented this as a healing image to my awareness. I saw how this feminine side carried all of the divine love and deep feelings of goodness that I had ever wanted for myself. I was literally re-birthing myself, and this image of the mother holding the baby represented that new birth to perfection.
Mysterious Image of divine Mother’s love?
This was not the conditional love we exchange in our daily relationships. This was Love itself—a generous, boundless essence that coursed through me like an eternal stream. The universe, which had once felt cold and indifferent, now embraced me as its cherished child.
This was my introduction to the Divine Feminine. It was a revelation that stands in stark opposition to the patriarchal narratives I had so often encountered within religious institutions, where the feminine is diminished and, at times, entirely erased.
My spiritual awakening illuminated an essential truth—the Divine Feminine is not an abstract concept or mere metaphor. It is a vital energy that complements the Divine Masculine, bringing balance, nurturing, and creativity to the cosmos. Yet, for centuries, patriarchal systems have sought to suppress it.
One of the greatest challenges we face in both personal and collective transformation is breaking the silence that fear of rejection and shame enforces. Too often, we feel compelled to “look good,” presenting polished exteriors to the world that we think will be readily accepted while hiding our authentic selves. This tendency creates barriers to honest connection and healing.
Recovery, much like spirituality, thrives on vulnerability. Sharing our stories—our real stories, not the airbrushed versions—is an act of courage that not only liberates us but also invites others to reflect on their own journeys.
It takes strength to defy societal norms that encourage silence about spirituality, addiction, or even emotional suffering. However, each time we speak openly, we chip away at the walls of ignorance, misunderstanding, and judgment.
Spiritual transformation is never just about the individual. When we embrace our own healing, we create a ripple effect that benefits our communities and the larger world. Whether it’s guiding someone else to begin their recovery or simply modeling authentic living, the small acts that stem from spiritual integrity have the power to inspire profound change.
By acknowledging and honoring the Divine Feminine in all of us, by integrating spirituality into recovery, and by sharing our experiences freely, we serve not only ourselves but also the greater good.
If there’s one message, I hope you’ll take away, it’s this: Seek authentic self-discovery. Uncover the layers of self-doubt, shame and conditioning that keep you from experiencing who you truly are. Explore the depths of your spirituality, and don’t be afraid to share your story—no matter how raw or unconventional it may be.
Your story has the power to heal—not just you, but the countless others who need to hear it. Together, we can break the “Conspiracy of Silence,” honor the balance of the Divine Feminine and Masculine, and create a world more open to Love itself.
Are you still attempting to search for your own personal Jesus? Your time is better spent searching for your true nature, rather than preying on Jesus and the collective ignorance surrounding his life and teachings. Then, other spiritually realized people can take their rightful place in your life, as your brothers and sisters in Spirit..
If you need someone to believe in, if you need to believe in a sacred presence that is real, and present for you in this moment, then start believing in yourself. Open your heart to the divine potential in yourself, everyone and everything and open yourself to your highest possibilities.
The time for silence is over.
The time for transformation is now.
Will you answer the call?
The Quiet Crisis of Early Childhood Bonding Disruptions
What shapes the foundation of a soul? Beyond genetics and biology, the earliest moments of nurturing and connection leave an indelible mark on the emotional and psychological blueprint of a developing human being. Yet, in modern society’s relentless pursuit of productivity and achievement, we increasingly sideline these foundational experiences, creating a quiet crisis that remains underexamined and poorly addressed.
Mom, Dad, and Pam, circa 1955
Consider the plight of an infant whose cries in the night are answered not by the warmth of an affectionate parent, but by the cocoon of a warm blanket while being “garaged” in a car to accommodate exhausted parents. Imagine the lingering effects on a child whose earliest bonds are fractured by a mother’s limited ability to breastfeed or her absence due to the demands of a career. These scenarios are emblematic of a larger cultural issue that prioritizes economic output over nurturing bonds, and are my real life experience.
What happens to these children when vital aspects of human development are compromised? What future are we sculpting when care is outsourced, touch is minimized, and time is rationed? What happens when a child is traumatized by lack of nurturing and attention in the formative years? And what healing is possible for the adult who still is impacted by those deficiencies in their upbringing?
The first few years of life are a crucible where emotional, psychological, and even physiological characteristics are cast. Neuroscientists and psychologists alike emphasize the critical importance of secure attachment in early childhood. The unique interplay between a caregiver’s love, attuned presence, and responsiveness directly shapes a child’s ability to trust, empathize, manage emotions, and form meaningful relationships throughout life. This isn’t just anecdotal. Research shows that secure attachment and early bonding literally shape the architecture of the brain, particularly regions responsible for stress regulation, empathy, and social functioning.
Breastfeeding, while often discussed in terms of its nutritional benefits, also serves as a profound vehicle for bonding. Oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone,” is released in both mother and child during breastfeeding, cultivating a sense of closeness and attachment. When breastfeeding is absent, either by necessity or choice, this avenue of connection narrows.
When these early experiences are missing or disrupted, the consequences can be far-reaching. Studies link disrupted attachment to a range of long-term challenges, from difficulty in emotional regulation to an elevated risk of depression, anxiety, and insecure attachment patterns in adulthood.
For many modern families, the solution to these challenges lies in non-family caregivers such as babysitters or daycare providers. These caregivers can play an essential role in a child’s development, providing care and nurturing in the absence of parents. However, their ability to fully replicate the unique emotional bond shared between parent and child remains limited.
Although good caregivers can soften the impact of reduced parental involvement, they are unlikely to completely fill the void left by the lack of a consistent, loving parental presence. Psychologists suggest that frequent changes in caregivers or a lack of emotional attunement may exacerbate attachment disruptions, leaving children vulnerable to insecurity and mistrust.
A deeper societal examination reveals the systemic forces at play. The economic structure of modern society often forces parents to prioritize work over early nurturing, despite the profound long-term effects this may have on their children. For mothers, the pressure is magnified. Many women face impossible choices in balancing the demands of a competitive workforce with the emotional and physical labor of parenting.
This isn’t just a personal struggle; it’s a societal dilemma fueled by inadequate parental leave policies, high childcare costs, and cultural narratives that undervalue caregiving roles. When the nurturing years are left unsupported, we witness a ripple effect across generations, where children inherit the voids left by institutional neglect of families.
The scars of disrupted early bonding rarely fade. Adults who experienced insecure attachments as infants may struggle with forming trusting and fulfilling relationships. Research also links such disruptions to increased risks of developing anxiety disorders and depression later in life. These outcomes extend beyond individual suffering to a societal level, contributing to public health challenges, social disconnectedness, and rising mental health concerns.
By failing to create an environment that supports early bonding experiences, we limit the full potential of human flourishing. The cost of “efficient” parenting today may be an epidemic of emotional inefficiency and instability tomorrow.
If we are to address this profound issue, we must begin by recognizing the critical importance of parental presence and early bonding in a child’s life. Here are steps we, as a society, can take to reverse the trend of prioritizing productivity over nurturing:
- Advocate for policy changes such as extended parental leave, affordable childcare, and breastfeeding-friendly workplaces.
- Promote awareness campaigns that emphasize the importance of early bonding for healthy child development.
- Support parents with resources, such as counseling, education programs, and flexible work schedules, to help them balance their careers and family responsibilities.
- Redefine societal values, celebrating caregiving as a vital and honorable role while challenging the narrative that productivity solely defines self-worth.
Consider the immense untapped potential of a world where every child’s early emotional and developmental needs are met with care and intention. By reshaping societal priorities and structures, we hold the power to cultivate a generation better equipped to lead, empathize, and connect.
This isn’t just about parenting; it’s about fostering a more compassionate, emotionally resilient society. We must ask ourselves difficult questions about the systems we’ve built and the prices we’re willing to pay for progress.
If we continue to deprive future generations of the foundation they so desperately need, we risk creating a world of individuals perpetually seeking connection in all the wrong places. But if we choose awareness and change, we can build a future marked by secure attachments, stronger communities, and unparalleled human potential.
The time to act is now. Society requires us, as individuals and communities, to reevaluate what we prioritize. Start by reflecting on your role within this dynamic and consider how we can collectively realign our systems to support both family growth and broader societal health.
Together, we can reclaim the nurturing bond that every human being deserves.
The Silent Epidemic of Our Age ~How Societal Shifts and Childhood Trauma Fuel Mental Health Crises
Why do so many individuals in our modern world feel unseen, unheard, and unanchored? What does it say about society when suicide is a leading cause of death in certain populations?
We stand at a crossroads in human history, confronting a silent epidemic that continues to grow in scale and consequence while being too often ignored. Mental health crises have become a defining challenge of our age, one exacerbated by sweeping societal shifts, the erosion of community empathy, and the enduring scars of childhood trauma.
It’s time for an honest, unflinching exploration of how we arrived here and what must change for individual healing and collective transformation to occur.
Modern culture prizes individual success, enterprise, and self-actualization above all else. Throughout much of history, communities operated with a shared sense of responsibility for one another. Empathy, connection, and collective well-being formed the fabric of thriving societies.
Today, that fabric has been frayed by the threads of hyper-individualism. When success becomes synonymous with self-reliance and autonomy, vulnerability is treated as weakness. People suffering from mental health challenges are stigmatized, often left to grapple silently with their struggles.
Social media exacerbates this isolation, presenting curated portraits of success that lead individuals to internalize feelings of inadequacy and failure. The polished exteriors mask the inherent messiness of human imperfection, perpetuating the harmful belief that personal struggles are abnormal. The result? A society where emotional suppression and loneliness thrive, leading to skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide.
Communities thrive when the value of collective support outweighs the obsession with personal achievement. Healing requires us to reconnect with the sense of shared humanity largely lost in today’s culture.
Childhood trauma doesn’t remain confined to the early years of life; it ripples outward, influencing adult relationships, self-worth, and the ability to address stressors effectively. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study highlighted a stark reality: early trauma significantly contributes to long-term mental and physical health challenges, from higher risks of depression and anxiety to chronic illnesses such as heart disease.
Neuroscientific research confirms that childhood trauma alters brain development, particularly in regions governing emotional regulation, empathy, and stress responses. When left unaddressed, these changes create cascading problems that persist across future generations.
Societal change must prioritize early intervention. By investing in trauma-informed approaches in schools, healthcare, and community programs, we can mitigate the lasting effects of adverse experiences and empower individuals to rewrite destructive patterns.
Mental health crises thrive in silence. To dismantle stigma, society must shift its paradigm toward open, empathetic dialogue. Denying or concealing struggles amplifies isolation, while sharing stories humanizes the experience of mental health challenges.
From a personal perspective, one encounter clearly illustrates this truth. Decades ago, I stood on the precipice of despair, burdened by layers of unresolved childhood trauma. A fleeting attempt to seek connection ended in rejection, encapsulating the cold indifference haunting much of modern society. Yet surviving that moment catalyzed a profound realization—that the silence surrounding mental health serves as both a barrier and a battleground. More than anything, breaking away from shame and speaking openly is where societal healing must begin.
Key Actions:
- Encourage conversations about mental health in families, workplaces, and public forums.
- Share personal narratives of resilience to normalize vulnerability.
- Build and fund community spaces where individuals can feel safe letting down their guard.
A path forward exists, but it requires radical shifts in priorities, understanding, and support systems. Here are some actionable ways society can begin to tackle the mental health crisis at its root.
To counteract the loneliness fostered by individualism, institutions and leaders must invest in rebuilding community connections. Policies promoting group engagement, volunteerism, and peer-led mental health programs could serve as hubs for reconnection.
Schools represent critical ground for identifying at-risk children. By training educators to recognize signs of trauma and offering resources for intervention, we can provide support before wounds fester into lifelong scars.
One of the most significant barriers to mental health support is cost and availability. Expanding access to affordable therapy, counseling, and community mental health services, especially in underserved regions, is paramount.
While technology can isolate, it also holds immense potential for connecting individuals with care. AI-powered tools, teletherapy platforms, and crisis intervention apps have already shown promise but must be deployed with ethical oversight.
Business leaders, policymakers, and educators must serve as advocates for mental health awareness. By modeling empathetic leadership and prioritizing wellness initiatives, they can set the tone for inclusive, supportive environments.
At its heart, the silent epidemic reflects more than individual struggles. It signals a societal failure to extend empathy where it’s most needed. Each interaction, whether between neighbors, colleagues, or loved ones, carries an opportunity to choose compassion over indifference.
We need a cultural shift that redefines success—not as a measure of individual achievement but as a collective commitment to seeing and supporting one another. Empathy must return to the forefront of human interactions, permeating policies, workplaces, and everyday experiences.
Begin with small acts of connection in your own life. Reach out to a friend, colleague, or family member who might be struggling. Advocate for the integration of mental health discussions in your workplace. Join or support organizations advancing mental wellness initiatives. Together, these micro-changes can initiate macro shifts.
The march toward a mentally healthier society begins with breaking the silence. It’s a truth steeped in both ancient wisdom and modern neuroscience—healing arises when individuals feel seen, heard, and supported.
We must collectively stand against the tide of isolation and indifference by fostering environments rooted in empathy, resilience, and proactive care. It’s not enough to merely hope for change; we must embody it.
For those ready to take the next step, there are abundant resources and professionals ready to guide you on your path to healing. Together, we can rewrite the narrative, remembering that mental health is not an individual burden but a shared responsibility.
This is a call to action for all of us—to listen, to learn, and, most importantly, to lead with compassion and connection. Because when we choose to see beyond ourselves, we reclaim the humanity that binds us.
Nobody should have to attempt suicide, and go through years of despair and darkness, to finally find the divine light switch to turn their life back on.
Nobody.
