My first love, and first wife, died on the day of my birthday, November 20, 2022.. I just confirmed it this evening after our return from the beach,
We knew each other since 1972. Married in 1979 after living together for four often times troubling years.. Divorced in 1985 after repeated so-called “nervous breakdowns”.
She lived a tragic, heartbreaking, life.
I lost touch with her after the death of her real father, Don Flick, in 1996. HE WAS A GOOD MAN, though he had his own unique issues..
Childhood trauma, especially sexual abuse, is the wound that weighs a soul down for the entirety of one’s life, if left untreated. Donelle was abused by her mother’s horrific negligence and the alcoholic Bud Barr’s evil behavior.
She was a beautiful soul deserving the best life had to offer.
I often struggled to give her adequate emotional support during her breakdowns,
Her genetic family often gave her the worst support, but they were quite spiritually limited.
I have only wanted to bring the greatest harm to two people in my entire life–Bud Barr, the sex abuser that Marlene eventually married after leaving Don, and her mother Marlene.
Bud got is just deserts served to him in heaping portions later in life after killing two motorcycle riders while he was driving intoxicated.
I grieve for Donelle, and for all traumatized souls.
Click on the picture if you have a strong, curious, willing heart, and are interested in my description of mental illness, Donelle, and some of our life together.
I have written eight books trying to tell our story, the story of all traumatized souls, and our potential for healing.
Is anybody listening to me?
Is anybody listening to the so-called healing experts?
Does anybody really care?
I think, hope, and pray that we do.
My life was forever changed by my relationship with Donelle, while she presented me with a unique life, love, and growth experience.
If suffering is our ticket to heaven, God, the Creator, Universe, Grandfather Great Spirit, or whatever name we give to that which brought us here must have a wonderful place saved for you, sweet Spirit, Donelle.
You earned it!
The place many of the abused, victimized, and traumatized victims of American family and society looks like hell to me, and can really suck.
The response of the indifferent and insensitive of our world can really suck, too,

 

Donelle’s senior yearbook photograph

Categories: Musings

Bruce

Presently, I am 67 years old, and I am learning how to live the life of a retired person. I am married to Sharon White, a retired hospice nurse, and writer. Whose Death Is It Anyway-A Hospice Nurse Remembers Sharon is a wonderful friend and life partner of nearly 30 years. We have three grandsons through two of Sharon's children. I am not a published writer or poet. My writings are part of my new life in retirement. I have recently created a blog, and I began filling it up with my writings on matters of recovery and spirituality. I saw that my blog contained enough material for a book, so that is now my new intention, to publish a book, if only so that my grandsons can get to know who their grandfather really was, once I am gone. The title for my first book will be: Penetrating The Conspiracy Of Silence, or, How I Lived Beyond My Expiration Date I have since written 7 more books, all of which are now posted on this site. I have no plans to publish any of them, as their material is not of general interest, and would not generate enough income to justify costs. I have taken a deep look at life, and written extensively about it from a unique and rarely communicated perspective. Some of my writing is from 2016 on to the present moment. Other writing covers the time prior to 1987 when I was a boy, then an addict and alcoholic, with my subsequent recovery experience, and search for "Truth". Others are about my more recent experiences around the subjects of death, dying, and transformation, and friends and family having the most challenging of life's experiences. There are also writings derived from my personal involvement with and insight into toxic masculinity, toxic religion, toxic capitalism, and all of their intersections with our leadere. These topics will not be a draw for all people, as such personal and/or cultural toxicities tends to get ignored, overlooked, or "normalized" by those with little time for insight, introspection, or interest in other people's points of view on these troubling issues. There also will be a couple of writings/musings about "GOD", but I try to limit that kind of verbal gymnastics, because it is like chasing a sunbeam with a flashlight. Yes, my books are non-fiction, and are not good reading for anybody seeking to escape and be entertained. Some of the writings are spiritual, philosophical and intellectual in nature, and some descend the depths into the darkest recesses of the human mind. I have included a full cross section of all of my thoughts and feelings. It is a classic "over-share", and I have no shame in doing so. A Master Teacher once spoke to me, and said "no teacher shall effect your salvation, you must work it out for yourself". "Follow new paths of consciousness by letting go of all of the mental concepts and controls of your past". This writing represents my personal work towards that ultimate end.

2 Comments

gracefuladdict · November 27, 2022 at 6:00 PM

I care 🙏and I am sorry for the loss of your beloved💕

    Bruce · November 27, 2022 at 6:22 PM

    Your sweetness extends well beyond your words. Thank you for caring about life

Comments are closed.