We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say ‘It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’ Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.
Spiritual freedom has never been about guns, money, or religion. Damaged men believe otherwise.
Greed, Gold, Guns, Gore,Girls, Gonads, and NO REASONABLE ALTERNATIVES (NRA). How much is enough, American male, and the American females who continue to enable them? Our national disgrace arises from the collective impacts of toxic masculinity, a topic that does not get enough attention. Men are still predominantly in control, and continue to skew the narrative away from the truth that MEN’S ATTITUDES ARE THE PROBLEM. Our ideas for addressing the problems of gun violence, addiction, greed, and sexism tend to avoid obvious, rational solutions, because we don’t want to face ourselves. And, failure to face ourselves will lead to the same self-destructive end that eventually happens to all humans, and our attempts at creating and maintaining a civilization.
I wrote this chapter as a direct reaction to my experience of my male heritage, my experience as a son to a often times toxic father, and working with many damaged men in the electrical trades and in general employment. Men, as a collective, would rather have our neighbors, wives and children assaulted, raped, overdosed through drug use, or murdered through gun violence, than make the necessary changes to our culture, and to our hearts and soul. We need more women in positions of power and influence, and men need to get in touch with their potential for toxic behavior and attitudes, and begin to make necessary course changes in their hearts and souls.
The abhorrent behavior of Donald Trump, the poster boy and face for toxic male stupidity and darkness, as well as his supporting cast of damaged characters, has become the de-facto leader of the energy of toxic masculinity.. If we as a culture, and me as an individual, don’t speak out, and affirm to ourselves, and to others, what the truth really is to us, then eventually the hypnosis and propaganda of others may become our own collective reality, and continue to overtly influence our personal integrity, community relationships and overall spirituality.
The historical legacy of the American white man’s ignorance and evil, and his support network of unconscious, disempowered, fearful and/or cowardly family and community members, continues even up till today. Women remain the number one oppressed group of humanity, though the blacks/African Americans, native American Indians, and other racial and ethnic groups have not escaped the grasp of white male privilege, masquerading as American Christianity inspired capitalism and politics. Subservient women tend to follow their husband’s lead, and as a group remain one of the leading populations of unconscious support for continued male dominance.
Here are some principles of toxic masculinity that I found live in our collective consciousness, and which also lived in unconscious domains of my own mind and heart. I have exaggerated them, and linked them with common monetary, sexual, and personal power dynamics. And yes, these principles, or variations of these themes, are part of the Common Knowledge Game fundamentals for erroneous understanding of self and other. If they appear to mimic some of the values and principle’s underlying Donald Trump’s abhorrent behavior, then you are already paying close attention to our collective consciousness, and its dangerous and sometimes catastrophic influence on the affairs of humanity throughout our history.
#1:
I am the center of the Universe. The rest of humanity is here either for my pleasure, for my profit, or for my disdain. I may attend a church occasionally, so that I can create the impression that I worship a higher power than myself. But, I already know that there is no higher power but me. HUMILITY IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME, and is only for the poor and weak among us.
#2
Truly loving another human being is a sign of weakness, and thus I must continue to suppress all such impulses so that I can achieve my selfish goals. I will carry on a campaign of hatred, judgement, and condemnation of all people unlike myself, all the while claiming to represent their interests at the highest level of my being (with subtlety, if one is of the passive/aggressive nature) . The ignorant people populating my world will hopefully associate my hateful behavior with their understanding of what love is, thus damaging the hearts and souls of all who may fear, respect, and/or follow me. My schizophrenia will be confusing to others, but may still be normalized, as others that I have influenced model and support my behavior.
#3:
People are most valuable if they can be monetized. If I can’t make money from my relationship with people, then I don’t necessarily need them. They will have to prove that they belong in my life in some other selfish self-serving ways.
#4:
Never admit that I am wrong. Always blame somebody else for my problems. The admission of guilt is a sign of weakness, and only for those who do not have sufficient monetary and legal power. I don’t need your forgiveness for my mistakes, because, as far as you should be concerned, I do not ever make mistakes.
#5:
I have a right to choose how much drugs and alcohol that I consume. I do not need feedback from others telling me that I am abusing my medicine and/or alcohol. I have earned the right to drink as much as I feel like, because I have so much stress in my life, and I make so many sacrifices that I deserve an extra break and release through excessive alcohol and;/or drug consumption. I do not have a problem, and if you think that I have a problem with my chemicals, then it is your misunderstanding, and not my own.
#6:
Never spend any time in self-reflection or meditation. Developing insight is difficult and time-consuming, and I have more important things to do I am already perfect, I always have been perfect, and everybody else needs to change to accommodate my needs. If I am not “perfect” today, I always have someone, or something, else to blame.
#7
I have a right to use my strong emotions to intimidate and threaten anybody that I need to in order to get my way. My anger is a weapon, to be wielded whenever necessary, and its expression is my first selection from my arsenal of control tools in manipulating and controlling my world.
#8
If I can’t get my way with another human being, then I will cajole or bully them into submission, or attack their name and character, and/or impugn their dignity, until they either submit, or are discredited by my allies.
#9:
Everybody unlike me should be distrusted. Relationships built through mutual trust and collaboration can be threatening to my short-term goals, and should not be cultivated, as only alliances of hate and distrust are capable of bringing me to my goals.
# 10
The women in our lives are more suited to be our personal possessions than self-sufficient, independent people, and are not to be treated as equals, and are better suited for exploitation for family support, sexual purposes and/or economic gain.
#11
If I can’t get my way through truth-telling, then the telling of lies becomes my most potent weapon. If I am caught in a lie, then it is only your misunderstanding of my point, and not what I said, that is wrong. If I tell the same lie often enough, then people will start to accept the lie as the truth.
#12
If there is no conflict currently in progress, then I must start creating the conditions for the next one, and socially position myself so that I can maximize emotional profits and visibility for myself.
#13
I never will obtain enough money, power, sex, or attention to keep me happy. I must continue to pursue these needs to extremes in order to keep me from becoming depressed and losing my sense of personal value in this world. If I achieve my goals, and I am still unhappy, I must set new goals to attempt to fill that big hole in my heart and soul.
#14
The powers of my penis reigns supreme. When it is erect, it always points me in the right direction, regardless of the people who may be hurt by my wayward sexual desires. My self-esteem is dependent on how many women that I can convince to make love to me, and nobody is immune from my advances. One is too many, and a thousand is not enough, when it comes to sexual conquests.
#15
I am the king of my home. I have created my kingdom to serve my selfish needs. If my rules are not honored, and my intentions for the family do not hold up, and family members start to stray, I will coerce, cajole, or threaten all wayward members with violence, if necessary. The family must stay together under my control, no matter what the cost to others might be.
#16
Perfectionism and full control of others should not be mutually exclusive propositions. I will judge, criticize, and condemn others, and myself, as needed, to bring all of my world into alignment with how I think that it should be. I will compare and contrast my wealth and success with others to establish the best baseline for my expectations and behavior. My wife and my children are first and foremost my possessions. I will direct and control as necessary, and nobody else has any right to criticize my choices in how I provide and care for them. My whole sense of self-esteem is derived by how deeply they honor and obey me, without argument or back talk. I do not want or need alternate points of view, as my view is the only view that is relevant.
#17
If those closest to me engage in betrayal, and destroy my sacred relationship with my family, I must avenge myself, and destroy all who have threatened my life and values. My wife is my property, and my property alone. If she should ever have an affair with another man, I reserve the right to punish her and my family, up to, and including, murdering them. If I must die in the process, it is a good death for me.
#18
Self sabotage is my unconscious need. It is my right to destroy my creations even as I destroy myself, so murder-suicide is an acceptable option in the extreme, when my needs have been dishonored, and I feel that I have no more options to improve my life situation.
#19
I have been a failure since I never measured up to my father’s, my church’s, or my society’s standards. I will continue to self-sabotage my success at ever bend in life’s road, and I will see life as a self-fulfilling prophesy of incompleteness and loss. I will not even question that my life has other possibilities for it, and I will resign myself to my depressing fate.
#20
I reserve the right to murder anybody, when it suits my needs to protect myself. I will justify my possession and use of firearms through quoting the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution, as well as pointing to the fear and threats in our world, and our country as my own justification for stockpiling weapons. I will not listen to reason, as my mind is made up, and you can have my weapons after “prying them from my cold, dead hands” (thanks NRA, and the late mega-asshole Charlton Heston).
This list is the abbreviated list, as aspects of our collective selfishness covers the entire range of human darkness. Men burdened by toxicity tend towards sexism, racism, isolation, poor judgement against all others unlike themselves, and low self-esteem, while men moving towards spiritual healing tend to unite with others in peace and mutual acceptance, and a willingness to share an improving sense of their self with the world.
These Toxic Masculinity Values and Principles underpin much of the Common Knowledge Game, which is the modern name for the phenomenon of socialized understanding of self and the other. As the wise ones advise: To change my world, I first change myself.There is terrorist, a Nazi, that lives deep down within all of us. Once we have addressed our darkness, and healed it through bringing our light to it (insight), it loses its power to unconsciously control us. Then, when we go out into the world to subdue the evil that sometimes erupts in dank, dark places, we can fight the actual enemies, and not waste energy fighting projections of our unhealed self.The fundamental oppressive force in the human universe is not our wayward political or social agendas, it is the human mind itself.Be careful in there!
Punch A Nazi Sign at June 2018 Portland, Oregon Rally for Immigrants and their families
The following information, though not quite up to date, carries some painful truths about masculinity, entrenched power, the #metoo movement, and gun violence.
Nov 4, 2017 – The rate of gun deaths in the United States rose in 2016 to about 12 per 100,000 people, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said in a report released on Friday. That was up from a rate of about 11 for every 100,000 people in 2015, and it reflected the second consecutive year that the mortality rate increased.
The age-adjusted rate of drug overdose deaths in the United States in 2015 (16.3 per 100,000) was more than 2.5 times the rate in 1999 (6.1).
Sexual violence is a problem that is deeply rooted in our culture. Presently, the CDC does not have any statistics about sexual abuse against women in general, but i have read that one in four women have experienced sexual abuse at the hands of the diseased American male. The following statistics should be of interest (from RAINN):
17,700,000
The estimated number of women who have been the victims of rape since 1998.
99
The percentage of perpetrators of sexual violence that will walk free.
13
The percentage of female rape survivors who will attempt suicide.
64
The percentage of trans people who will experience sexual assault in their lifetimes.
127,000,000,000
The total amount of money rape costs victims every year in the U.S., excluding child sexual abuse.
16-19
The age range that women are four times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. Female college students ages 18-24 are three times more likely than women in the general population to experience sexual violence.
1 in 6
The fraction of American women who have survived an attempted or completed rape in their lifetimes.
1.8
The amount of times trans people of color are more likely to experience sexual violence than the general population.
3
The percentage of men who will be raped in their lifetime.
90
The percentage of adult rape victims that are female.
321,500
The average number of victims of rape and sexual assault per year in the U.S.
80,600
The estimated number of inmates who experience sexual violence in prison or jail every year.
60
The percentage of instances of sexual violence experienced by inmates that are perpetrated by jail or prison staff.
2
The number of times a person with a disability is more likely to be a victim of sexual assault or rape than a person without a disability.
A rational human being would posit that ALL rates are unacceptable, and that the American culture needs to treat ALL conditions seriously and equally. Why are we so self-destructive and irrational as a culture that we allow gun violence, sexual violence, and drug additive violence to continue against our fellow citizens? You already know the answer, and it continues to propagate in the genitals, and the damaged minds, of many men in power.
If enough people do rise up and rebel against the prevailing order (disorder) of the day, dramatic and positive change can be made. This is, in fact, how all evolutionary change is to be successfully made in a diseased, structured society like our own.
Domestic violence, sexual abuse, and patriarchal attitudes are a set of learned behaviors with the emphasis on exerting unhealthy power and control over others, and can be unlearned — but it takes consistent work on the part of the person who caused harm well beyond the immediate crisis. Complex ideas about gender roles and expectations are often at the root of abusive behavior, many times having been instilled from childhood.
Gentle confrontation with the offending person is a first step towards healing. The person may be unaware of his negative influence over others, or may feel powerless to do anything about it. Counseling can be the next step towards healing, though it would take the mutual accountability through the controls exerted by the common knowledge game for the rest of our population to move towards change. It takes ongoing attention and progress checks from the community, family members, and friends to ensure a true change of behavior. And, people who harm others should allow justice to be determined by the survivor. The perpetrators should publicly own up to their behavior, apologize, and describe how they’re trying to change. This is how we change norms around the conspiracy of silence that permeates domestic violence — by showing others using harm that accountability is necessary and healing is possible.
Make America Great Again? Normalize that which should never have been acceptable? Get real, and start healing, American male. Greatness only comes after we, as a society, face our collective darkness, acknowledge its damaging impacts on others, makes amends to ALL we have harmed, and find integrity, and stay on a more humane path in the future.
Fred Rogers may have died, but you can still be a hero, as well as a world healer.
Please, save yourself.
And then, SPEAK UP!
