Chapter 7 – Toxic Masculinity, Its Values and Principles

I wrote this chapter as a direct reaction to my relationship with my father, my father’s friends over his lifetime, my male friends and acquaintances over my lifetime, and my employment experience of working with toxic men in the electrical trades and at the US Postal Service.  I could not help but witness, with an alarmed world population, the abhorrent behavior of Donald Trump, who has become the poster boy and face for toxic male stupidity and darkness.

The historical legacy of the American white man’s evil, and his support network of unconscious, disempowered, fearful and/or cowardly family and community members, continues even today. And, women remain the number one oppressed group of humanity, though the blacks, native American Indians, and other racial and ethnic groups have not escaped the grasp of white male privilege and toxicity, masquerading as American Christianity inspired Capitalism .   America has normalized that which should never have been acceptable. How can we possibly “make America great, again”?   Greatness only comes after we, as a society, face our collective darkness, acknowledge its damaging impacts on others, makes amends to ALL we have harmed, and find integrity, and stay on a more humane path in the future.

Over the past many years, the countless people who have pointed out the ills of society, and/or of the powerful individuals within that society, are rarely held in high esteem by others unwilling or incapable of making a similar sort of statement. They can end up being pilloried, imprisoned in jails, having their homes firebombed, their reputations impugned in the newspapers (or now, on Facebook or other media forums), or judged against, ignored or shunned. That is similar to the fate of many “prophets” over the preceding thousands of years, who were often regarded as insane, as well.

I have no problem pointing out the ills of society, or the ills of the unconscious, sick people within that society that stubbornly hold onto worn out ideas for how to live.  When I witness the injustice, inequality, and diseases of the minds of those entrenched people in positions of power and influence, I get really warmed up. My internal fire burns hot, and brightly, and will not be put out until my life’s work has been completed. I no longer have any problem speaking truth to power, in whatever form that “power” may now appear, including some of the supposedly “enlightened” among us.  If we as a culture, and me as an individual, don’t speak out, and affirm to ourselves, and to others, what the truth really is to us, then eventually the hypnosis and propaganda of others may become our own collective reality, and continue to overtly influence our personal integrity, community relationships and overall spirituality.

What gets you all fired up, what is your life’s work, and does your own internal fire continue to burn brightly for you? Are you too tired to face the truth about your own life, or the life that you share with the rest of humanity? If your pilot light is on, but the settings are on low, I will supply a little of my own gas to throw onto the collective fire. Our fires burn brightest when they can burn together in the night.

Here are some principles of toxic masculinity that I found live in our collective consciousness, and which also lived in unconscious domains of my own mind and heart. I have exaggerated them, and linked them with common monetary, sexual, and personal power dynamics. And yes, these principles, or variations of these themes, are part of the Common Knowledge Game fundamentals for erroneous understanding of self and other. If they appear to mimic some of the values and principle’s underlying Donald Trump’s abhorrent behavior, then you are already paying close attention to our collective consciousness, and its dangerous and sometimes catastrophic influence on the affairs of humanity throughout our history.  The underlying causes behind virtually all of these defects of our masculine character revolve around a sense of loneliness, isolation, shame, fear, guilt, and unresolved anger.  Those who just want to call all of our problems “fear” based behavior (or just lacking in “love”) can make compelling arguments, but my experience is that this may be simplifying complex masculine issues a bit too much.

#1:

I am the center of the Universe. The rest of humanity is here either for my pleasure, for my profit, or for my disdain. I may attend a church occasionally, so that I can create the impression that I worship a higher power than myself. But, I already know that there is no higher power but me. HUMILITY IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME, and is only for the poor and weak among us.

#2

Truly loving another human being is a sign of weakness, and thus I must continue to suppress all such impulses so that I can achieve my selfish goals. I will carry on a campaign of hatred, judgement, and condemnation of all people unlike myself, all the while claiming to represent their interests at the highest level of my being (with subtlety, if one is of the passive/aggressive nature) . The ignorant people populating my world will hopefully associate my hateful behavior with their understanding of what love is, thus damaging the hearts and souls of all who may fear, respect, and/or follow me. My schizophrenia will be confusing to others, but may still be normalized, as others that I may have influenced model and support my behavior.

#3:

People are most valuable if they can be monetized. If I can’t make money from my relationship with people, then I don’t necessarily need them. They will have to prove that they belong in my life in some other selfish self-serving ways.

#4:

Never admit that I am wrong. Always blame somebody else for my problems. The admission of guilt is a sign of weakness, and only for those who do not have sufficient monetary and legal power. I don’t need your forgiveness for my mistakes, because, as far as you should be concerned, I do not ever make mistakes.

#5:

I have a right to choose how much drugs and alcohol that I consume.  I do not need feedback from others telling me that I am abusing my medicine and/or alcohol.  I have earned the right to drink as much as I feel like, because I make so many sacrifices in my life, and I deserve an extra break and release through excessive alcohol and;/or drug consumption.  I do not have a problem, and if you think that I have a problem with my chemicals, then it is your misunderstanding, and not my own.

#6:

Never spend any time in self-reflection or meditation. Developing insight is difficult and time-consuming, and I have more important things to do  I am already perfect, I always have been perfect, and everybody else needs to change to accommodate my needs. If I am not “perfect” today, I always have someone, or something, else to blame.

#7

I have a right to use my strong emotions to intimidate and threaten anybody that I need to in order to get my way.  My anger is a weapon, to be wielded whenever necessary, and its expression is my first selection from my arsenal of control tools in manipulating and controlling my world.

#8

If I can’t get my way with another human being, then I will cajole or bully them into submission, or attack their name and character, and/or impugn their dignity, until they either submit, or are discredited by my allies.

#9:

Everybody unlike me  should be distrusted. Relationships built through mutual trust and collaboration can be threatening to my short-term goals, and should not be cultivated, as only alliances of hate and distrust are capable of bringing me to my goals.

# 10

The women in our lives are more suited to be our personal possessions than self-sufficient, independent people, and are not to be treated as equals, and are better suited for exploitation for family support, sexual purposes and/or economic gain.  I reserve the right to have as many sexual encounters as is possible, and this reflects my masculine attractiveness, prowess and abilities

#11

If I can’t get my way through truth-telling, then the telling of lies becomes my most potent weapon. If I am caught in a lie, then it is only your misunderstanding of my point, and not what I said, that is wrong. If I tell the same lie often enough, then people will start to accept the lie as the truth.

#12

If there is no conflict currently in progress, then I must start creating the conditions for the next one, and socially position myself so that I can maximize emotional profits and visibility for myself.

#13

I never will obtain enough money, power, sex, or attention to keep me happy. I must continue to pursue these needs to extremes in order to keep me from becoming depressed and losing my sense of personal value in this world. If I achieve my goals, and I am still unhappy, I must set new goals to attempt to fill that big hole in my heart and soul.

#14

The powers of my penis reigns supreme. When it is erect, it always points me in the right direction, regardless of the people who may be hurt by my wayward sexual desires. My self-esteem is dependent on how many women that I can convince to make love to me, and nobody is immune from my advances. One is too many, and a thousand is not enough, when it comes to sexual conquests.

#15

I am the king of my home. I have created my kingdom to serve my selfish needs. If my rules are not honored, and my intentions for the family do not hold up, and family members start to stray, I will coerce, cajole, or threaten all wayward members with violence, if necessary. The family must stay together under my control, no matter what the cost to others might be.

#16

Perfectionism and full control of others should not be mutually exclusive propositions. I will judge, criticize, and condemn others, and myself, as needed, to bring all of my world into alignment with how I think that it should be. I will compare and contrast my wealth and success with others to establish the best baseline for my expectations and behavior. My wife and my children are first and foremost my possessions. I will direct and control as necessary, and nobody else has any right to criticize my choices in how I provide and care for them.  My whole sense of self-esteem is derived by how deeply they honor and obey me, without argument or back talk. I do not want or need alternate points of view, as my view is the only view that is relevant.

#17

If those closest to me engage in betrayal, and destroy my sacred relationship with my family, I must avenge myself, and destroy all who have threatened my life and values. My wife is my property, and my property alone.  If she should ever have an affair with another man, I reserve the right to punish her and my family, up to, and including, murdering them. If I must die in the process, it is a good death for me. 

#18

Self sabotage is my unconscious need.  It is my right to destroy my creations even as I destroy myself, so murder-suicide is an acceptable option in the extreme, when my needs have been dishonored, and I feel that I have no more options to improve my life situation.

#19

I have been a failure since I never measured up to my father’s, my church’s, or my society’s standards. I will continue to self-sabotage my success at ever bend in life’s road, and I will see life as a self-fulfilling prophesy of incompleteness and loss. I will not even question that my life has other possibilities for it, and I will resign myself to my depressing fate.

#20

I reserve the right to murder anybody, when it suits my needs to protect myself. I will justify my possession and use of firearms through quoting the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution, as well as pointing to the fear and threats in our world, and our country as my own justification for stockpiling weapons. I will not listen to reason, as my mind is made up, and you can have my weapons after “prying them from my cold, dead hands” (thanks NRA, and the late mega-asshole Charlton Heston).

This list is the abbreviated list, as aspects of our collective selfishness covers the entire range of human darkness.  Men burdened by toxicity tend towards sexism, racism, isolation, poor judgement against all others unlike themselves, and low self-esteem, while men moving towards spiritual healing tend to unite with others in peace and mutual acceptance, and a willingness to share an improving sense of their self with the world.

These Toxic Masculinity Values and Principles underpin much of the Common Knowledge Game, which is the modern name for the phenomenon of socialized understanding of self and the other.  As the wise ones advise:  To change my world, I first change myself.There is terrorist, a Nazi, that lives deep down within all of us.  Once we have addressed our darkness, and healed it through bringing our light to it (insight), it loses its power to unconsciously control us.  Then, when we go out into the world to subdue the evil that sometimes erupts in dank, dark places, we can fight the actual enemies, and not waste energy fighting projections of our unhealed self.The fundamental oppressive force in the human universe is not our wayward political or social agendas, it is the human mind itself.Be careful in there!

Toxic masculinity is not just an American phenomenon, however.  It is a worldwide scourge, and collective mental illness and evil.  Just take a peak at this article, linked below, to witness the horrors unfolding within our neighboring country, Mexico..

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/its-a-crisis-of-civilization-in-mexico-250000-dead-37400-missing/ar-BBPIgFT?li=BBnb7Kz

GREED, GUNS, GOLD, GIRLS, GONADS, and the NRA (No Reasonable Alternatives)
How much is enough, American male?

The following information, though not quite up to date, carries some painful truths about masculinity, entrenched power, the #metoo movement, and gun violence. Our national disgrace seems to arise from toxic masculinity, a topic that does not get the press it deserves, because men are still predominantly in control, and continue to skew the narrative away from the truth that MEN ARE THE PROBLEM, and that our ideas for addressing the problems of gun violence, addiction, greed, and sexism tend to avoid obvious, rational solutions, because we don’t want to face ourselves.

Men, as a collective, would rather have our neighbors, wives and children assaulted, raped, overdosed through drug use, or murdered through gun violence, than make the necessary changes to our culture, and to our hearts and soul. We need more women in positions of power and influence, and men need to get in touch with their potential for toxic behavior and attitudes, and begin to make necessary course changes in their hearts and souls.

Nov 4, 2017 – The rate of gun deaths in the United States rose in 2016 to about 12 per 100,000 people, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said in a report released on Friday. That was up from a rate of about 11 for every 100,000 people in 2015, and it reflected the second consecutive year that the mortality rate increased.
The age-adjusted rate of drug overdose deaths in the United States in 2015 (16.3 per 100,000) was more than 2.5 times the rate in 1999 (6.1).

Sexual violence is a problem that is deeply rooted in our culture. Presently, the CDC does not have any statistics about sexual abuse against women in general, but i have read that one in four women have experienced sexual abuse at the hands of the diseased American male. The following statistics should be of interest (from RAINN):

17,700,000
The estimated number of women who have been the victims of rape since 1998.

99
The percentage of perpetrators of sexual violence that will walk free.

13
The percentage of female rape survivors who will attempt suicide.

64
The percentage of trans people who will experience sexual assault in their lifetimes.

127,000,000,000
The total amount of money rape costs victims every year in the U.S., excluding child sexual abuse.

16-19
The age range that women are four times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. Female college students ages 18-24 are three times more likely than women in the general population to experience sexual violence.

1 in 6
The fraction of American women who have survived an attempted or completed rape in their lifetimes.

1.8
The amount of times trans people of color are more likely to experience sexual violence than the general population.

3
The percentage of men who will be raped in their lifetime.

90
The percentage of adult rape victims that are female.

321,500
The average number of victims of rape and sexual assault per year in the U.S.

80,600
The estimated number of inmates who experience sexual violence in prison or jail every year.

60
The percentage of instances of sexual violence experienced by inmates that are perpetrated by jail or prison staff.

2
The number of times a person with a disability is more likely to be a victim of sexual assault or rape than a person without a disability.

A rational human being would posit that ALL rates are unacceptable, and that the American culture needs to treat ALL conditions seriously and equally. Why are we so self-destructive and irrational as a culture that we allow gun violence, sexual violence, and drug additive violence to continue against our fellow citizens? You already know the answer, and it continues to propagate in the genitals, and the damaged minds, of many men in power.

If enough people do rise up and rebel against the prevailing order (disorder) of the day, dramatic and positive change can be made. This is, in fact, how all evolutionary change is to be successfully made in a diseased, structured society like our own.

WHO WILL SAVE THE SOUL OF AMERICA?

There are those who claim to be “religious”, who want to save the unborn baby, while supporting the destruction of the Soul of America. The deadly, ugly truth about the state of the Republican party, some cults of Christian religious thought, and American politics in general, is on full display to the world. Our collective ignorance and stupidity makes us the laughing-stock of major parts of the world, and brings shame and disgust to the thoughtful and sensitive people of our own country..

Trump Related Extreme Anxiety Strikes Our Nation, or TREASON, for short.

The normalizing of criminal and indecent behavior appears to be how Trump got elected. The political party which once touted family values is being exposed for the moral and ethical corruption and spiritual bankruptcy that now permeates it. “Winning” is more important than good conscience, the exposing of criminal and corrupt practices by those within their own tribe, and cooperation and honest communication with all others.

Trump Erodes Rationality, Rhyme Or Reason In Susceptible Thinkers, or TERRORIST, for short

It is, at times, criminally inspired immorally motivated, and indecent, this United States of Hypnotic Suggestion, Propaganda, and Chaos that we now live in. Hang on, real America, we are in for quite a bumpy ride far into the future. Welcome to the “new normal”, where zealots, criminals, idiots, insane people, “white male privilege” and politicians try to continue to define what “reality” should be for everybody, including all others unlike themselves.

Deceiver In Chief Knows He’s Evil And Divisive, or DICKHEAD, for short.

There is a TREASONOUS, TRAITOR, AND DICKHEAD running our country right now, with nearly half of the country following lockstep in his corrupt path

Where do you stand on this issue?

What happens when the blind lead the blind? That ditch is coming up REALLY FAST, and the only thing left to break the fall is the lives of all of the others who have previously fallen into the ditch.

Quite a vision, isn’t it?.

It is time to change direction, and walk towards sanity, compassion, and intelligence, which has its own vision and light

Who will save the soul of America? Salvation will not come from the toxic men, and their supporting women, or the toxic religions that plague our society, or from the white man of the greatest wealth or privilege, that is for sure.

Please, save yourself.
And then, SPEAK UP!

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/6-lesser-known-but-equally-toxic-personality-traits-of-a-narcissist/ar-BBMm0U7?li=BBnb7Kz