Book 8: Chapter 4: Insight Into The Male Gender, Its Potential For Toxicity, And Movements Towards Healing

He that makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man,—Samuel Johnson

Most of my grade school and high school friends have already suffered, and have become emotionally calloused, disabled, or have died, from diseases of the spirit. I visited a cousin who was comatose and near death from delirium tremens in the ICU in 2017, and he eventually died in 2020. We buried another drug addicted cousin in 2017,. My wife and I continue to witness a son and daughter-in-law who are co-enabling heavy drinkers ply their self-destructive trade. We have a toxic male nephew who clings to his hatred, disguised as Trump style politics, and his guns, like his life depended upon them. One of our grandsons has sat in a county jail for a year on felony charges, and then later became suicidal because of poor decisions arising from his traumatic upbringing, and his use of pot and other substances since he was 11 years old. All of my male best friends from high school are deceased. I have already had three close male friends from my adulthood die of brain cancer, and several others from heart disease. I can’t ignore this disease of the Spirit which has taken over our country.

Randy Olson (left-1955-2013) Dan Dietz (1955-1997)

After the death of my father in 2017, I had the privilege and challenge of reading and sorting through a lifetime worth of writings and papers from my parents, and from myself.  After reading some of my mother’s personal writings, I was struck by the pain and suffering that she experienced remaining married to my father.  He was not a person with the soft touch, when it came to communicating with those that he loved, especially during challenging/difficult periods of life.  He was what those in the field of recovery refer to as a “dry drunk”.  He was a poor listener, and he could be opinionated, judgemental, angry, obnoxious, overly competitive, and hurtful. He was a member of a huge class of human beings now known as toxic males, and his behavior was to become a major influence for my own choices for how I was to present myself to the world.

I came to perceive the collective impact of toxic male consciousness upon my individual existence, with some insight into my own father’s involvement in my own mind’s formation. I saw that the two errant guides or tricksters roaming through the inner recesses of my heart and soul gave me limited guidance and kept me from being lonely as a young being, yet kept me from developing into my greater good as an independent, free human being.

My first 31 years of life reflected the internalized horror of a life suppressed by the conspiracy of silence created by my subservience to a damaged image of self, and of the other. My own true nature had been masked over, or silenced, through that process, while also preventing me from witnessing the inherent goodness in other human beings..

Men are living through a turbulent, troubling period of time.  Their own masculinity has been called into question.  There are Fox News hosts who claim that the awakening elements of our culture are emasculating innocent men.  The truth is that men are struggling.

• Some have lost their careers, and could not recover from that loss.
• Some had no meaning in their lives, and could not recover from that.
• Some were addicted to drugs and/or alcohol, and could not recover from that.
• Some were sexually or physically abused in their youth, and could not recover from that.
• Some were addicted to the idea that their only function was to provide for their wives or family, and, having achieved success or failure, they could not recover from that.
• Some were traumatized war veterans who suffered immensely, and could not recover from that.
• Some were just waiting for a better day, and when it never appeared, they could not recover from that.
• Some were lonely and depressed, and they could not recover from that.
• Some had profound mental illness, and they could not recover from that.
• Some had a profound need to speak up around their own pain, and when they could not find a loving ear with the capacity to listen, they could not recover from that.

The effects of toxic masculinity, and its ugly spawn, toxic religion, toxic politics, and toxic capitalism, is the continued repression of human emotion, the feminine, and the sublime possibilities for existence. Over many centuries, men have built mutual oppression right into the very fabric of our cultural existence. Toxic masculinity values and principles underpin much of the Common Knowledge Game (CKG), which is the modern name for the phenomenon of socialized understanding of self and the other.  The following are guiding energies that tend to shape men’s thoughts and actions created through the CKG of understanding in today’s America.

1. Unconscious, harsh and inaccurate self and other judgement, with resultant poor self-esteem inculcated into boys from birth by our wayward fathers, religions, and cultures.
2. Remaining ignorant or fearful of our own feelings, including anger and grief, or expressing them unskillfully, We have been trained to ignore or to hide from our own feelings
3. Letting stress go on unabated in our lives, without challenging its points of origin
4. Loss of emotional and physical safety in home, school or work environments
5. Not communicating honestly with others, while carrying the painful feeling of not being heard or appreciated,
6. Eschewing deep and meaningful relationships with others,
7. Excessive competitiveness with others while engaging with greed, trying to “keep up with the Jones’ “,
8. Attempting to prove self-worth in environments where self, and others’, worth is disrespected, thus trying to fit in where we really don’t belong,
9. People pleasing, at the expense of our personal integrity and truth.
10. Not speaking up for ourselves or for others that are oppressed for fear of being marginalized,or further victimized
11. Over immersion in entertainment, binge watching of television, obsessive video game playing, and excess reliance upon Snapchat, Facebook, or other social media platforms for social awareness and connection
12. Excessive eating and/or eating excessive sugar, salt, or processed foods
13. Not exercising, not hiking in Nature and thus staying away from its healing balm
14. Excessive drinking of alcohol, use of recreational drugs to the point of habituation (including marijuana),
15. Smoking and chewing tobacco, all the while knowing that behavior is killing us
16. Using sex as a way to emotionally hide or escape, or to control or manipulate others, We are selfish with our sexuality.
17. Workaholic behavior, and forgetting how to laugh and play well with others. Because of our lack of prosperity, employers abuse our work ethic to encourage us to become workaholics, which ends up keeping us out of the connecting, healing currents of friendships and family relationships.

In our efforts to meet the needs for economic security, continue our family line, and meet our sexual needs, we often make sacrifices that diminish our health, our sense of well-being, our community connections, and our personal integrity.  And, as most wives know, men are usually quite unwilling to make any meaningful changes in their behavior, unless they are about to die.

TOXIC men’s attitudes are spawned through an unwillingness to embrace real change.  Spiritual freedom exists independently of guns, money, or religion,

The primary contributor to the continuing cultural disease and dysfunction is men’s unwillingness to make fundamental changes in attitudes and behavior. White male privilege, patriarchy, and toxic masculinity are three useful terms denoting the entrenched, institutionalized nature of our dysfunction, which is a major disease of the human spirit. This disease has its deadly flames fanned by our cultural denial of a deadly truth, which is the foundation for the conspiracy of silence. Our unskilled male behavior collectively remains a national disgrace, as we continue to dishonor each other, our animal brothers and sisters, the environment, and our planet Earth.

Men who are not happy with themselves directly influence others to be unhappy, too.

Men are still predominantly in control, and continue to skew the narrative away from the truth that MEN’S ATTITUDES ARE A PRIMARY CAUSATIVE AGENT. Our ideas for addressing the problems of gun violence, addiction, greed, racism, and sexism tend to avoid obvious, rational solutions, because we don’t want to face ourselves. And, failure to face ourselves will lead to the same self-destructive end that eventually happens to all humans and their attempts at maintaining civilization.

A prime example is the NRA and the corrupted politicians who do not act to reduce the proliferation of automatic weapons. These allied forces are sponsors of national terrorism. Just how many automatic weapons does it take to make America’s gun owners feel safe? It is just that many weapons that it takes to make America unhealthy, insane, fearful, and outside of the picture of potential national healing. Gun violence directly stems from a national mental illness, and guns are never the proper medication to alleviate the symptoms. One automatic weapon is too many, and 300,000,000 is never enough, so goes the divided, self-destructive collective mind of America.

There Is Something Fundamental Here

I had an amazing, cathartic experience around the origins of my own toxic masculinity. The following story recounts an experience that I had in 2017. If it weren’t for the incredible spiritual strength, and wisdom, of my life partner, Sharon White, I would not have been able to have, what some people call, the following “cathartic event”.

It was on a Thursday morning in February, and I was preparing to go to the Pilates class that Sharon and I attended each Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday at our athletic club. Typically, I wanted to get there a little early, so that we could warm up on an exercise bicycle, with a little aerobic activity that I still enjoyed participating in, since I no longer ran, having retired late last year after a lifetime of enjoyment, and pain.

It was 9:15, and I was fully prepared to leave, while Sharon remained on the telephone, talking with a friend. As it turned 9:19, I spoke to her, in my most innocent of voice,

“can we go now?”

Sharon had a series of responses that I won’t repeat here, but three things that she said coincided with me entering a “spell”. I felt the presence of something so basic, so fundamental, so raw, so real, so hurt, that I raged for a couple of minutes, declaring several times:

“There is something fundamental here!”

The trapped energy of a lifetime was released. I became aware of a pain so deep, and so all-encompassing, resulting in an anger from a source that I had never touched before, at least as a verbally conscious human being.

Sharon and I went our separate ways for a few hours, while we both tried to understand what the heck had just transpired. Leading up to this experience, I had been intensely exploring the entirety of my life experience, having written 70 pages about my early childhood, maturation process, addictive and self-destructive cycles, and glimpses into higher possibilities for living. Without me realizing it, all of the personal story writing had placed me into the psychic world of all of my past pain and suffering.

After a meditation, I had a realization. My wounded essence had actually cried out for the first time and I actually listened to it, without my ego repressing it as it had for 61 years. And I also saw, for the first time, the wounding process that I shared with my father. I felt an incredible compassion, love, and acceptance for my father, who had also suffered immensely under the spiritually destructive parenting of his own diseased parents.  I also understood the foundation behind my father’s, and my own, need to overachieve just to feel like we had any value.

I finally had experienced the most basic nameless suffering of an ignored child, or baby, and I have now given it verbal description:

MY VOICE IS WORTHLESS, I HAVE NO VALUE. I MUST BE ALONE IN THIS WORLD.

Sharon paid the price for a couple of hours, while I re-birthed the wounded baby within me. But, I had an insight that still informs me daily.

I saw how we, as humans, keep layering ourselves and our ideas upon what somebody else is saying, rather than meeting the being where they are, and responding according to the dictates of our “heart center”, which in most people, ESPECIALLY MEN, has been scabbed over by our own early spiritual wounding. Men typically inflict their own wounding on everybody else, in subtle, or not so subtle ways. Usually, this manifests in dominating, or being dominated, by others. Collaboration and cooperation become nasty words for all such practitioners. Philosophies of oppression, and of the monetization of reality, arise out of this wounding. All oppressed groups remain victimized and marginalized, and are only stick figures in the oppressors dreams of those seeking world domination.

When our personalities have been formed by the integration of our perceptions into an unconscious, unnamed, unrecognized dark energy, we create self-defeating tricksters within our minds, which become our internal advisors for life. We end up creating an energy exchange dynamic where we project our dysfunction onto others, and make them wrong for it, not recognizing that we were the source of our misplaced judgement. I have acknowledged their very presence within my own mind, and that their continued distorting presence can determine how I view reality. The spiritual thorn in my side will forever be that my voice will not be heard before I die, which is the adult version of my infantile suffering and separation from love.

When I am not fully conscious, the unfocused, chaotic energy within my mind makes me a poor listener. If I can quiet my mind long enough to listen with my heart to what is being said, I can respond accordingly with the intelligence of my heart. As a race and a culture, we tend to be too eager to respond with ego programmed responses, which, typically, are based on incomplete perceptions or someone else’s ‘knowledge’, so being mindful is a huge help.

In our attempt to be heard, we instead try to program people, unconsciously, to behave and react more in accordance with our expectations. When they don’t (they rarely do, unless they are our impressionable young children), we are very disappointed, and feel rejected, and, in the absolute, we feel betrayed by the sum total of exchanges between the parties. It is deadly to attempt to control the other’s experience through linking our own unhealed energy with their own.

I do not want a life that has been lived in vain. I also see a world where the majority of us still suffer from the same, basic issues that I have tried to describe here. Even among some people closest to me, denial reigns supreme, and I have only a small measure of hope that the personal truth that I am trying to convey here will actually be heard, and applied by others that I care about, which now includes the entirety of our planet Earth.

“There is something fundamental here.”

As a baby, my parents placed a blanket around my baby body, and deposited me in a car in their garage so that my father could get at least 5 hours of sleep a night. My father was “chasing the American Dream”, and worked two jobs at the time.

I don’t need to remind any of my loved ones of the profoundly damaging effects of denying love and interactive time to a developing human being. What I might need to remind myself at times is that others, no matter what their age, or how much that I think that I know them, continue to be developing human beings, and they deserve my undivided attention, while they attempt to reveal who they are in this moment.

If I do not want to grow anymore, I will stop listening to what others are really trying to say. If i don’t want to be of service to my fellow-man/woman, I can just stop listening to what they are trying to express, and just layer my own ignorance and judgement, over somebody else, and not let them reveal to me who they Really Are in this special moment.

Another clue about our own, or the others’ listening intention, is when we try to share a profound life event, and then are immediately “run over” by another with more knowledge on the subject. Sometimes we, or the other, either have “too much book knowledge”, we have the “certificate”, we already have read about it on the internet, we have memorized something from a class that we already took, or we have a friend who has already “been there, done that!”  What about that “friend” or “family member” who checks their phone, and Googles information, perhaps to confirm their own biases or (mis)understandings, instead of accepting the validity of the energy that we are attempting to share in this new, unique moment?

Our President, and many of our politicians, are masters at this. Please don’t inflict this same treatment on the ones you love. It is like putting a blanket around our heart and soul, and putting us into the car, so that those with a dehumanizing or monetizing philosophy can continue to oppress others, while keeping themselves spiritually asleep.

Whether any of us can accept it, or even want to try to believe that it is possible, there is a unique truth, which some call divine inspiration, which reveals Itself moment to moment. In my ignorance, disguised as “knowledge”, I throw a ‘blanket” around IT, and throw IT in a car, so that I can continue to sleep.

We all have a secret that needs to be told

We all have secrets from others that need to be told to us.

We all need to be more willing to listen for the deeper meanings of each other.

There is something fundamental here.

I choose Compassion today, with its loving, listening ear..

We are all developing human beings, no matter what our age. And, we are all God’s children, and God speaks through us, whether we can hear the “truth”, or not. Sometimes the “truth” is so difficult to hear, that we shut down emotionally, and we either ignore what is said, or substitute our own story for what the “other” is trying to communicate.

Please, listen to your self. Please, listen to the other.

Far too many men engage in our cultural conspiracy of silence daily, which is a most deadly component of the CKG.  These include the following admonitions:

• don’t talk
• don’t tell
• don’t touch
• don’t feel
• don’t engage
• don’t listen
• don’t change
• don’t heal

Caricature of men working things out between themselves. The conspiracy of silence is inculcated into many males, and females, too.

The abhorrent behavior of Donald Trump, the poster boy and face for toxic male stupidity and darkness, as well as his supporting cast of damaged characters, has become the de-facto leader of the energy of toxic masculinity.. If we as a culture, and me as an individual, don’t speak out, and affirm to ourselves, and to others, what the truth really is to us, then eventually the hypnosis and propaganda of others may become our own collective reality, and continue to overtly influence our personal integrity, community relationships and overall spirituality.

The historical legacy of the American white man’s ignorance and evil, and his support network of unconscious, disempowered, fearful and/or cowardly family and community members, continues even up till today.  Subservient women, often times religiously inculcated to be that way, continue to follow their husband’s lead, and as a group remain one of the leading populations of unconscious support for continued unhealthy male dominance. There always comes the day when the family of the woman under the husband’s domination needed for her to speak up the most, and the whole family is further damaged because of her own silence and continued powerlessness.

Women remain the number one oppressed group of humanity, though the blacks/African Americans, native American Indians, and other racial and ethnic groups have not escaped the grasp of white male privilege, masquerading as American Christianity inspired capitalism and politics.

Here are some principles of toxic masculinity that I found live in our collective consciousness, and which also lived in unconscious domains of my own mind and heart. I have exaggerated them, and linked them with common monetary, sexual, and personal power dynamics. And yes, these principles, or variations of these themes, are part of the Common Knowledge Game (CKG) fundamentals for erroneous understanding of self and other. If they appear to mimic some of the values and principle’s underlying Donald Trump’s abhorrent behavior, then you are already paying close attention to our collective consciousness, and its dangerous and sometimes catastrophic influence on the affairs of humanity throughout our history.

1. I am the center of the Universe. The rest of humanity is here either for my pleasure, for my profit, or for my disdain. I may attend a church occasionally, so that I can create the impression that I worship a higher power than myself. But, I already know that there is no higher power but me. HUMILITY IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME, and is only for the poor and weak among us.
2. Truly loving another human being is a sign of weakness, and thus I must continue to suppress all such impulses so that I can achieve my selfish goals. I will carry on a campaign of hatred, judgement, and condemnation of all people unlike myself, all the while claiming to represent their interests at the highest level of my being (with subtlety, if one is of the passive/aggressive nature) . The ignorant people populating my world will hopefully associate my hateful behavior with their understanding of what love is, thus damaging the hearts and souls of all who may fear, respect, and/or follow me. My schizophrenia will be confusing to others, but may still be normalized, as others that I have influenced model and support my behavior.::
3. People, and Mother Nature itself, are most valuable if they can be monetized. If I can’t make money from my relationship with people or our natural surroundings, then I don’t necessarily need them. They will have to prove that they belong in my life in some other selfish, self-serving ways. I choose to neglect the long term effects of my short sighted thinking, because now is the only moment to profit from others, and from the Earth.
4. Never admit that I am wrong. Always blame somebody else for my problems. The admission of guilt is a sign of weakness, and only for those who do not have sufficient monetary and legal power. I don’t need your forgiveness for my mistakes, because, as far as you should be concerned, I do not ever make mistakes.
5. I have a right to choose how much drugs and alcohol that I consume.  I do not need feedback from others telling me that I am abusing my medicine and/or alcohol.  I have earned the right to drink as much as I feel like, because I have so much stress in my life, and  I make so many sacrifices that I deserve an extra break and release through excessive alcohol and;/or drug consumption.  I do not have a problem, and if you think that I have a problem with my chemicals, then it is your misunderstanding, and not my own.
6. Never spend any time in self-reflection or meditation. Developing insight is difficult and time-consuming, and I have more important things to do  I am already perfect, I always have been perfect, and everybody else needs to change to accommodate my needs. If I am not “perfect” today, I always have someone, or something, else to blame.
7. I have a right to use my strong emotions to intimidate and threaten anybody that I need to in order to get my way.  My anger is a weapon, to be wielded whenever necessary, and its expression is my first selection from my arsenal of control tools in manipulating and controlling my world.
8. If I can’t get my way with another human being, then I will cajole or bully them into submission, or attack their name and character, and/or impugn their dignity, until they either submit, or are discredited by my allies.
9. Everybody unlike me  should be distrusted. Relationships built through mutual trust and collaboration can be threatening to my short-term goals, and should not be cultivated, as only alliances of hate and distrust are capable of bringing me to my goals.
10. The women in our lives are more suited to be our personal possessions than self-sufficient, independent people, and are not to be treated as equals, and are better suited for exploitation for family support, sexual purposes and/or economic gain.
11. If I can’t get my way through truth-telling, then the telling of lies becomes my most potent weapon. If I am caught in a lie, then it is only your misunderstanding of my point, and not what I said, that is wrong. If I tell the same lie often enough, then people will start to accept the lie as the truth.
12. If there is no conflict currently in progress, then I must start creating the conditions for the next one, and socially position myself so that I can maximize emotional profits and visibility for myself.
13. I never will obtain enough money, power, sex, or attention to keep me happy. I must continue to pursue these needs to extremes in order to keep me from becoming depressed and losing my sense of personal value in this world. If I achieve my goals, and I am still unhappy, I must set new goals to attempt to fill that big hole in my heart and soul.
14. The powers of my penis reigns supreme. When it is erect, it always points me in the right direction, regardless of the people who may be hurt by my wayward sexual desires. My self-esteem is dependent on how many women that I can convince to make love to me, and nobody is immune from my advances. One is too many, and a thousand is not enough, when it comes to sexual conquests.
15. I am the king of my home. I have created my kingdom to serve my selfish needs. If my rules are not honored, and my intentions for the family do not hold up, and family members start to stray, I will coerce, cajole, or threaten all wayward members with violence, if necessary. The family must stay together under my control, no matter what the cost to others might be.
16. Perfectionism and full control of others should not be mutually exclusive propositions. I will judge, criticize, and condemn others, and myself, as needed, to bring all of my world into alignment with how I think that it should be. I will compare and contrast my wealth and success with others to establish the best baseline for my expectations and behavior. My wife and my children are first and foremost my possessions. I will direct and control as necessary, and nobody else has any right to criticize my choices in how I provide and care for them.  My whole sense of self-esteem is derived by how deeply they honor and obey me, without argument or back talk. I do not want or need alternate points of view, as my view is the only view that is relevant.
17. If those closest to me engage in betrayal, and destroy my sacred relationship with my family, I must avenge myself, and destroy all who have threatened my life and values. My wife is my property, and my property alone.  If she should ever have an affair with another man, I reserve the right to punish her and my family, up to, and including, murdering them. If I must die in the process, it is a good death for me.
18. Self sabotage is my unconscious need, as I fail to achieve my goals.  It is my right to destroy my creations even as I destroy myself, so murder-suicide is an acceptable option in the extreme, when my needs have been dishonored, and I feel that I have no more options to achieve my goals, and improve my life situation.
19. I have been a failure since I never measured up to my father’s, my church’s, or my society’s standards. I will continue to self-sabotage my success at ever bend in life’s road, and I will see life as a self-fulfilling prophesy of incompleteness and loss. I will not even question that my life has other possibilities for it, and I will resign myself to my depressing fate.
20. I reserve the right to murder anybody, when it suits my needs to protect myself. I will justify my possession and use of firearms through quoting the 2nd Amendment of the Constitution, as well as pointing to the fear and threats in our world, and our country as my own justification for stockpiling weapons. I will not listen to reason, as my mind is made up, and you can have my weapons after “prying them from my cold, dead hands” (thanks NRA, and the late mega-asshole Charlton Heston).

This list is the abbreviated list, as aspects of our collective selfishness covers the entire range of human darkness.  Men burdened by toxicity tend towards sexism, racism, isolation, poor judgement against all others unlike themselves, and low self-esteem, while men moving towards spiritual healing tend to unite with others in peace and mutual acceptance, and a willingness to share an improving sense of their self with the world.

(probably remove the following through the poem) While living a toxic male life, I created some of my own writings on “pain”, which originated while I was hidden in the  Care Unit for Alcoholic Rehabilitation, in 1984.  These poems are from the hand, and heart, of a toxic man who was in the initial stages of awakening. The following are two different iterations for Pain that I penned in 1984

PAIN

Though the dark cloud looms on the horizon, it is also hidden within myself.

It appears to hover in the distance, just beyond my reach, and it patiently waits my most vulnerable moment.

I then feel the initial mist from its clouds, suspecting that I am its intentional target.

A piercing wind picks up, hugging me with its frozen arms, and I vainly look for protection

As the torrential downpour begins, I feel my tenuous sense of peace and safety eroding beneath my feet.

As it strips back, layer, upon layer, upon layer, upon layer, of my consciousness, exposing a bedrock bereft of sanity.

Exposing long forgotten mental relics, threatening old, unhealed memories, and dangerous old habits,

Stinging, piercing, hurting me at my core, obscuring visions of glorious, yet impossibly distant futures,

Washing away all tenuously held possessions of sanity, and hope.

Uprooting the feeble foundation of a life desperately, but futilely, attempting to, yet again, reconstruct itself,

Carrying a powerless, helpless, desperate soul back into toxic chemical valleys, amid a dark, swirling depression,

Ravaging, drowning, then decaying.

Part II

Yes, growing without roots, with a will that won’t bend,

Weathering life’s storms, which never seem to end.

No longer waiting for the sun that was once promised to arise,

How could truth’s light possibly shine in dimmed eyes?

Having reached with futility for all the high goals of life,

With no spiritual growth, while consumed by inner strife.

Devoid of healing affection, and a stranger to real love,

Unrealistic hope was what my failed dreams were all made of.

Despair meets each day, summer has now changed into fall,

Looking at life, I am totally disgusted by it all.

Dying of loneliness, and holding life by only a thread,

With me rotting inside, hopefully, I soon will be dead.

Pain,

Why?

There is no mystery to me as to why some people choose suicide, continued ignorance, or continued addictions over becoming more consciously aware, and fully embracing recovery from cultural and individual ignorance. In 1986, my choice was for continued addictions and, ultimately, suicide, until I awoke to the potential for healing in my life in 1987. The potential for recovery is only that, a potential, unless one develops a conscious intention to break free from the tight grip of the effects of  trauma, wounding, grief, loss, and heartbreak. Pain, and suffering, without any hope for healing, brings anger, despair, depression, loneliness, and suicidal ideation.

As the wise ones advise:  To change my world, I first change myself. There is terrorist, a Nazi, that lives deep down within all of us.  Once we have addressed our darkness, and healed it through bringing our light to it (insight), it loses its power to unconsciously control us.  Then, when we go out into the world to subdue the evil that sometimes erupts in dank, dark places, we can fight the actual enemies, and not waste energy fighting projections of our unhealed self.The fundamental oppressive force in the human universe is not our wayward political or social agendas, it is the human mind itself.

Be careful in there!

Punch A Nazi Sign at June 2018 Portland, Oregon Rally for Immigrants and their families

‘Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice

—–Vin Diesel

The following information, though not quite up to date, carries some painful truths about toxic masculinity, entrenched power, the #metoo movement, and gun violence.

Nov 4, 2017 – The rate of gun deaths in the United States rose in 2016 to about 12 per 100,000 people, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said in a report released on Friday. That was up from a rate of about 11 for every 100,000 people in 2015, and it reflected the second consecutive year that the mortality rate increased. The age-adjusted rate of drug overdose deaths in the United States in 2015 (16.3 per 100,000) was more than 2.5 times the rate in 1999 (6.1).

Sexual violence is a problem that is deeply rooted in our culture. Presently, the CDC does not have any statistics about sexual abuse against women in general, but i have read that one in four women have experienced sexual abuse at the hands of the diseased American male. The following statistics should be of interest (from RAINN):

• 17,700,000—The estimated number of women who have been the victims of rape since 1998.
• 99—The percentage of perpetrators of sexual violence that will walk free.
• 13—The percentage of female rape survivors who will attempt suicide.
• 64—-The percentage of trans people who will experience sexual assault in their lifetimes.
• 127,000,000,000—-The total amount of money rape costs victims every year in the U.S., excluding child sexual abuse.
• 16-19—-The age range that women are four times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. Female college students ages 18-24 are three times more likely than women in the general population to experience sexual violence.
• 1 in 6—-The fraction of American women who have survived an attempted or completed rape in their lifetimes.
• 1.8—-The amount of times trans people of color are more likely to experience sexual violence than the general population.
• 3—-The percentage of men who will be raped in their lifetime.
• 90—-The percentage of adult rape victims that are female.
• 321,500—-The average number of victims of rape and sexual assault per year in the U.S.
• 80,600—-The estimated number of inmates who experience sexual violence in prison or jail every year.
• 60—-The percentage of instances of sexual violence experienced by inmates that are perpetrated by jail or prison staff.
• 2—–The number of times a person with a disability is more likely to be a victim of sexual assault or rape than a person without a disability.

A rational human being would posit that ALL VIOLENCE is unacceptable, and that the American culture needs to treat ALL conditions seriously and equally. Why are we so self-destructive and irrational as a culture that we allow gun violence, sexual violence, and drug additive violence to continue against our fellow citizens? You already know the answer, and it continues to propagate in the genitals, and the damaged minds, of far too many men in power.

THE FOOLS

You know who we are, there is no need for our names

We may be outwardly different, but inside we are the same

We vacation on ego trips, and with the world play strange mind games

While striving for material success, and its dubious fame

We remain graceless souls trying to blend into life’s masses

Some affirming our uniqueness, though we remain stuck in the same class

With  our delusions of grandeur, while appearing just like an ass

And steering clear of self-awareness, Oh our transparency of glass!

At times spewing words of wisdom, but with only another dogs’ bark

Seeking to make a good life, but on life’s script still leaving just a dirty mark

Believing we may have seen light, but, if so, why is our life always so dark?

Needing more purifying inner flames, while snuffing every divine spark

Though we think that we have blossomed, we do not possess Love’s flower,

We hope for a life carried by the river of sweetness, while we still wade through the sour

Never realizing that, over life, we hold very little power

We can only avoid the reality of our lives, while living in our ivory tower

We tend to bring up life’s rear, though we think that we should be first

And from life we want all of the best, somebody else deserves the worst!

We think that our life should be more blessed, why on earth do we feel cursed?

Our lives just become overblown bubbles, just waiting to be burst!

This is a pretty clear message, for those who have “ears to hear”.

There is an inmost center in us all, where truth abides in fullness;….and, to know, rather consists in opening out a way where the imprisoned splendor may escape, then in effecting entry for a light supposed to be without.”

—–Robert Browning

How did I attempt to bring healing to my broken interior?  I first acknowledged that, of myself and my old ways, I was heading nowhere, and that I was doomed to repeat the same potentially fatal mistakes over and over again   I did not have any childhood training in, nor did I spontaneously develop capacities for insight, positive change and growth.  I first needed to develop the emotional and spiritual fortitude to look at the entirety of my life, and then incorporate the experience for my greater good, which also impacts the whole of life in a more positive manner.  By developing the power of insight, I brought a new level of healing and awareness into this new, present moment of experience.  Some call this process “mindfulness:, though I just call it ‘taking personal inventory’, and improving my “conscious contact with my higher power” as I learned through practicing the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I have come to believe that there is a “power greater than myself” that lives within my internal reach that restores me to sanity, no matter how often I might fall. My willingness to change IS my greatest asset, and opens the door to the highest power.  Part of maintaining sanity is to allow for a continuous evolution of understanding and experience of what “God” or “Higher Power” is, apart from religious dogma, ignorance, politics, and superstition. We don’t need to believe in any concept of God at all, but we do need to access our willingness to change, for that openness will point to our own unique higher powered life experience.

There was no minister, church, support group, therapist, Care Unit counselor, Indian guru, psychiatrist, mother, father,  sister, wife, friend, daughter, son, pet dog, or Jesus Christ figure that could dig into my unique version of the human soul, and remove the thorns/swords that had been thrust into my side since my birth.  My internal wounding and the resultant unsustainable suffering became the impetus to begin my inward journey, to face the absolute darkest areas of life itself, and then mine the treasure from my unique relationship with the dark force or shadow.  To not face myself would mean to continue living the second-hand/passed down story of dysfunction that I inherited from our culture and from my ancestors, from which we cannot ever completely heal, without first becoming aware of our internalized, unconscious subservience to those controlling agendas.

Since I have been in recovery, I have been involved in the exploration of some of the more fundamental aspects of my consciousness, and, thus, of all human consciousness.  Virtually all of the interesting characters in history have struggled with, and have overcome, at least to some degree, a dark internal force, and it is their journey that becomes the stuff of great stories and legends.   I am trying to give a context to this distress that I share with the rest of humanity.  For, the one is the many, and the many are the one.  The author and scholar Joseph Campbell refers to the “Hero’s Journey” that we all must take to find our true self.

I have been quite resistant to many aspects of life, and to change itself, an extreme resistance that may have begun in my mothers’ womb, or, maybe, it extends all the way back to the beginning of human consciousness, but, the start date is unimportant.  What is important is the intention to bring healing to a darkened situation.

It is extremely difficult in finding a way to reach an individual, or a society, that has unconsciously made a decision to slowly and painfully commit suicide through toxicity and addictive cycles, while all remain in rigorous denial of that fact. Each toxic human being, be they an unconscious power hungry man or woman, alcoholic, drug addict, or mentally ill person must find their own unique “bottom”, where the pain of the disease causes a change, or turning point, in their lives. Insanity, loss of job, loss of family, admission to a mental health or addiction recovery facility, jail, DUI, threat of death, or near death experiences, and deaths of close friends or family members also suffering have been known to bring the desire for healing to many of us. A confrontation from those we may have harmed can have rather dramatic effects on our desire to change, as well. It took all of the negative life cycle outcomes to convince me to change behavior. Living in hell for an extended period of time brought me to death’s doorstep, yet I did survive, and the process helped me to seek for a deeper light.

American society has created the perfect conditions for our population to practice insanity, mutual control dramas, and addictive behaviors, but it remains up to us as individuals to create our own conditions for recovery.  Self-awareness, personal inventory, making amends to all that we have harmed, working a strong spiritual program, mindfulness, meditation, eating healthier and exercising wisely, and hanging around like-minded people took me to the outskirts of my own promised lands.  Life isn’t always pretty, but I remain personally responsible for my attitudes and behaviors, and I retain freedom of choice in most of my affairs. But, many have lost all such freedom of choice.   I have much compassion for those who still struggle with mental illness and alcoholism/drug addiction.

It is this very matrix of misunderstanding that we all must eventually embrace within ourselves, see it for what it really is, and isn’t, and then move through the illusions of self to the very foundation of our timeless soul, where peace and healing eternally resides.

Statements of personal well-being, such as those listed below, were anything but “facts of life” for most men.

• I am worthy,
• I am safe,
• I am whole,
• I am loving and lovable,
• I have something worthwhile to say

What do we really want and need, as human beings, and what might we need, that we have yet to be able to express clearly to others?  I have listed a few possibilities below, please add your own to the list.

• To be able to express our thoughts and feelings authentically, without bringing unnecessary harm to ourselves or to others
• To belong, to feel safe while belonging, including the desire to help and protect others while helping oneself,
• To speak up, and feel like we really were heard, and not have our spirit layered over with errors in reasoning and judgement from others.
• To be able to listen to another at the deepest level possible, and be present in the spirit of understanding, cooperation, and collaboration.
• To feel whole, and to be able to recognize that wholeness, not only within ourselves, but within all others, even those living in alternative realities.
• To love all others, as well as to be accepted, and loved, by others, with as few conditions attached as possible.
• To evolve, for if we do not, we become subject to the forces of friction and chaos inherent within a closed mind, and system, resulting in higher physical and mental disease and dysfunction.

ANGER AND AWARENESS

A most important issue of the emotions is our willingness and ability to skillfully express our anger  All too many of us have been victimized by family members, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, or strangers who have aggressively and maliciously used this emotion in an attempt to control or abuse others.  Anger gets a really bad name from those who are of a sensitive nature, whose being does not respond well to strong emotions, and from those who have fear of anger itself.  I know that when I did something wrong as a child, and my father either witnessed it or heard about it, he got angry, and my ass got whipped by his belt, so anger sure had a bad association in my mind between its expression and a belt whipping my sore ass!

Anger is appropriate in these times, but constructively using this energy for the good of the people requires understanding, however. We are beings of energy, GREAT ENERGY, but that energy gets pushed away every time we fail to recognize that anger may be one of our most important spiritual assets available. There is a vast difference between anger and hatred, and those who confuse the two, in the name of their own dis-empowered belief systems, have given themselves permission to not rise up publicly, and to speak out against those who are attempting to oppress, dominate, and control us.

Anger can inform our Passion, and give us access to that extra energy needed to rise up, and speak out. Sitting back on our hands, and developing spiritual philosophies that allow us to ignore what we are viewing is tantamount to creating more FAKE NEWS, and normalizing that which is insanity.

We can’t dismiss what is going on, and deny our hearts and spirits, when there are millions of dis-empowered citizens who cannot defend themselves, or speak out against the oppression, ESPECIALLY when they have their religious and spiritual leaders continuing to foist disempowering beliefs and philosophies upon unsuspecting followers. Though their hearts may be in the right place, this is not the time for more dis-empowering agendas from those who have already given themselves permission not to stand up and be counted .Righteous indignation and anger may not be for everybody, but those who have been inspired by these powerful energies can harness them for the greater good of mankind, and, for themselves.

An appropriate response to the needless suffering of others IS ANGER, especially when we are witnessing the same ignorant oppressors repeating the same antagonistic actions over and over again. Speaking out in loud voices is a powerful way to let the oppressors know that WE ARE NOT SHEEP willing to be led to our slaughter, but instead we are warriors willing to stand up and defend our self, our families, our neighbors, and our world. The Liars and Thieves that many times takes the form of politicians and national leaders need to be able to hear our voices. The feeble, baying voices of the multitudes of oppressed sheep of this world will continue to be persecuted, oppressed, and their dignity and human values will continue to be systematically trod upon. The AWAKENED AMERICAN has renounced membership within that dis-empowered flock, however.

Anger is a natural, normal response, in any particular new moment, to any assault on our being, on those that we love, or on our inner sensibilities. Anger, among all other emotions, and in balance with those aspects of our self, help us to manage our response to the outer world, which is, at times, quite the aggressive, distressed, ugly, oppressive environment. Anger is not positive or negative energy, it is HUMAN ENERGY ITSELF, and like all aspects of our humanity, it needs to be understood in the context from which it arises, and when and how it expresses itself.

Anger can bring fear to the unaware among us, because of an incomplete or unhealed response to its expression in their past. We have all been persecuted, at one time or another (or many times), by the angry parent, boss, co-worker, or stranger driving next to us in a car. Or, how about the rapist, or child molester, who tries to attack us, or our children?

According to classic psychology, humans engage in “fight or flight” behavior, when they experience fear and/or perceive that they are being attacked. Whether we choose one or the other depends on any number of circumstances, and ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL. When we are backed into a corner, and there is no way out, where is our energy to come from, when the attacker makes his final lunge at us?

Anecdotally, we hear of those rare few who have successfully mitigated these circumstances, through some fortunate “intervention” through prayer, or luck, where those who are attacking us somehow are diverted, and move their aggression elsewhere. We only need watch the news, or read the paper, to see that these anecdotal stories do not embrace the collective reality that most of humanity experiences through the actions of those possessed by their own ignorance and evil. Murder, rape, child molesting, intimidation, oppression, misogyny, road rage, terrorism, paternal violence in ALL OF ITS FORMS, keeps manifesting itself, and has throughout all of history.

We all feel a need to be in control, even while attempting to conform to social norms, especially those “norms” expressed in the common knowledge game that dominates the unaware human consciousness. Philosophies and theologies that stress the need to repress aspects of our human nature need to be examined in their fullness, and not accepted at face value. By their very nature, any umbrella philosophy and theology devalues the “intelligence of the moment”, and intentionally and/or unwittingly contribute to the suppression, and repression, of sacred human values and emotions. When our human energy is not repressed and oppressed, we can find the balance that enables us to access and express the wholeness of our being. Emotionally intelligent actions appropriate to each new moment is no longer just a theory, and becomes an ever present healing activity of the awakening life.

True religion is a revolutionary force: it is an inveterate enemy of oppression, privilege, and injustice.

—Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan

There is a Wisdom deep inside us all, waiting to inform all of our thoughts and actions in this world. And, this world requires Ultimate Intelligence to navigate through it successfully, without bringing harm to ourselves and others needlessly. Anger and fear are not to be repressed by any healthy human being, but instead are to be witnessed, and studied, and utilized intelligently for wise action in this troubled world.

The liars and thieves that currently portray themselves as politicians, religious and other national leaders need to be able to hear our voices. The feeble, baying voices of the multitudes of oppressed sheep of this world will continue to be persecuted, oppressed, and their human values will continue to be systematically trod upon. The AWAKENED AMERICAN has disavowed membership within that disempowered flock, and continues to point to the life far away from the ignorant shepherd.

Stand up, stand up, stand up for your rights!

But, make sure that the anger is appropriate to the moment, and not some formulaic response that the “non-healed, unbalanced” nature within your own self offers up under many questionable circumstances. An “institutionalized expression of anger” becomes hatred in disguise, and that characterizes the oppressive nature of far too many male originated, and dominated, philosophies. When anger becomes an automatic response to all situations where threat is perceived, then the intelligence of the moment is denied, and we are susceptible to bringing needless harm to our bodies, and to our minds, as well as to the “other”.

To respond successfully in anger, we need to measure how mindfully we can engage these threats, and successfully group our own thoughts and actions, with others also engaged in the situation, to either fight the oppressors, or to speak our truth, and be heard. We do not engage in mass protests because we want to go for a walk with a bunch of strangers, we engage in protests because we want our voices heard. Channeled anger is an effective, time-tested method for standing up to those who would keep us silent.

One only needs to review history to see how well the silent sheep held back the Nazi oppressors. If you want to conform to the spiritual philosophies of those Tibetan or Hindu avatars who did not grow up in our country, and did not share in our American Experience, good luck to you. You are straying too far from home, and you risk becoming lost for this incarnation..

I cannot and I will not be led unconsciously to my own spiritual slaughter, and to the slaughter of my values, integrity, morality, and ethics that world patriarchy continues to threaten all of us with on a daily basis. The Demon must be recognized by all, and challenged by all, or prepare for the darkened ending of all that is important to us as an American culture, and a world civilization

I choose to wisely tend to my own “flock”, and not to become just another follower in someone else’s herd. I am now a shepherd of my own thoughts and feelings, and not just someone else’s lamb.

Please, tend to your own flock of thoughts and feelings. Some call this process “mindfulness”. You will learn to listen to your voice, and and your wisdom and emotional intelligence will be more accessible according to your own level of spiritual empowerment.

Keep in mind, some members within the Christian faith, and self-destructive men in general, just want to watch their worlds burn. We need to be ever-present with spiritual fire extinguishers.

My heart breaks for the innocent, yet somehow, miraculously, love still lives.   And I want to give the reader some hope, after so much description of the down side of the American male consciousness.   My philosophical background predisposes me to the discussion of the blocks to love’s awareness and experience, for by seeing completely the shades pulled over Truth, ultimately we will see through them, to where the mystery of the unknown, and Love itself, actually resides. The capacity for insight brings change, in the actual seeing IS AWAKENED THE CAPACITY FOR LASTING INTERNAL CHANGE.  The  Kingdom of Love is where fragmented, broken thinking can be healed, as it has its own unique intelligence and understanding.

Healing through a heightened awareness must be individually experienced, and then the fruits of the experience can be collectively shared with other interested parties, such as in AA meetings, friendship circles. Here we can create the strongest atmosphere for healing of self and others. We don’t need an edifice for this, yet our own home can become the foundation for community healing. If we belong to an enlightened group of people who attend church, there is also an immense potential for mutual support. Our own intention must start the process, though the healing intentions of others for us, and for themselves, can bring us together into a “healing formation”, where the miracle of the collective/shared mind of a love inspired mankind can really work its wonders. Here we may actually share in the real Master Mind that has attempted to guide the human race since the beginning, since well before our present day diseased world mind took over. The right group of people, sharing love and healing together, creates a palpable energy, and this can characterize some recovery groups, depending on the quality of recovery present, and being expressed, in those groups.

Going my way? Let’s fly united!

Individuals who are toxic men, addicts/alcoholics, and/or who are mentally ill, and the cultures that breed and support that behavior, and who are not yet ready to face their shame, guilt, fears, and insecurities consciously will not have an easy time of it in recovery and in the search for greater meaning in their lives. There are many healing and/or religious paths to take,  methodologies for achieving and maintaining sobriety, and therapeutic modalities and medications available for mental illness, and the technique chosen should be wisely considered based on personal needs and philosophies-or lack of them. For those who just want to treat the body, and not the mind or Spirit, there are injections available to reduce alcohol and/or drug cravings, and medications to temporarily treat the illnesses of the mind, which may be all that the sufferer needs for now, especially if they have little inclination towards personal awareness, insight, and spiritual evolution.

Each of my toxic male, mentally ill or substance abusing family members knows of my own toxic background, and so far has had little use for my experience, strength, and hope in sobriety, showing that my “process for recovery” has debatable value for a diseased mind that has no desire to change. A common statement uttered by a practicing alcoholic/addict or toxic male in denial is “I don’t have a problem”, or, “he/she is the one with the problem, not me!” Denial of the facts of addiction and/or toxic attitudes, and justification for continuing unhealthy behaviors, results in the creation of the “fake news” that they don’t have a problem with drugs and alcohol and our underlying consciousness, and this sad fact remains a constant for most sufferers of addiction and Toxic Masculinity and Toxic Religion.  Our culture is insane, and the insanity has crept into all of our families, and all of our individual lives, whether we want to face it, or not.

One of my problems with religion in general, their prophets, messengers, and associated religious texts, is the institutionalized ignorance that is passed for wisdom and spiritual knowledge. And, they tend to take the scatter-gun approach to delivering their message.  Most of their “truths” are hard to digest, and they tend to speak AT the listener or student, rather than speaking TO the student or practitioner.  There are those blessed few who are attuned to the inner value or meaning of the truth being delivered, and the message speaks TO the listener.  It has been said that those are the ones who were either born with or somehow learned how to develop and practice spiritual discernment.  In the hearing of Love, or Truth,  hope for change is stimulated, and the internal motivation to make necessary changes in the course of one’s life begins.

There is one more step, however, with religious attainment, or attunement.  Only a few in recorded history have developed the capacity to have their religion, their God, their Buddha Mind, their Christ Consciousness speak THROUGH them.  In Christian mystical terms, this is the word made flesh, and dwelling among us.  Ministers and politicians ever so rarely qualify for this exalted state, as experts and practitioners of the law  have limited access to the spirit behind it.  Watch out for television preachers and evangelicals, as they are ministers of propaganda, and are money accumulating propagators of illusion, delusion, deception, and fear, while preying on the ignorant, and the innocent.  They support the unreality of the walls built between all beings and their Gods by their history and their religions, and then try to devise clever bridges to reconnect all that they have illigically separated.

If this book finds that its readers feel like this work only speaks AT them, then the work has little lasting value.  If the reader feels that this work speaks TO them in some way, however, then a true connection has been made, and human energy has been exchanged, for the betterment of the reader and the writer.  This is a fundamental form of energy exchange, or prayer.  But if a reader somehow finds a truth within this work that resonates within their mind and heart, to the point of dislodging some repressed or oppressed divine energy, an enlightenment or liberation is attained that the whole human race has the potential to benefit from.  If healing, wholeness, or divinity subsequently speaks THROUGH the reader, then this becomes a form of universal prayer that genuinely has the chance to help in the healing of the planet.  To this point, nothing I have ever said or written has led anybody into the “promised land”, so I would be happy if this story somehow finds a way to speak TO a few readers.  We can then share in a prayer with the potential to bring healing, wholeness, and divinity to us and the consciousness that we presently share.  I will leave liberation and enlightenment to the spiritual savants, and to their students that insist on hanging onto their every word.

There is a unique path that each one of us must take, to find our greatest good.  Those who continue to follow other people’s routes, at the exclusion of the route that their own internal GPS system is generating, risk losing all, including their freedom and their unique life expression.  Trying to fit in with and adapt to insanity, and the continuing attempts to normalize it, is the foundation for mental illness, our national schizophrenia, and its spawn, our present day corrupted economic, political, and religious systems.

Even though we as individuals did not create this disease of the human mind, and we appear to have little control over its wayward actions in others, or our society in general, we still have access to a cure.  The development of personal insight is a mechanism that points to the cure.  As we heal as individuals, and join with others who have also chosen to heal, we can create a new culture of healing, and awakening, and reduce the destructive effects of social oppression and the repression of our inner, truest natures.

Continuous process improvement works for systems, and humans.

Built right into the very fabric of life, is death itself.  There are up to fifty trillion cells within our human bodies which are constantly dying off, and being replaced by others so that we can continue to live, and even evolve (or regress as the situation may dictate).  So also should all of our old thoughts die off, to be replaced by newer, more vibrant creations, if we are to continue to live, and grow, and even evolve.  Those who do not do the work to shed the old ways, the old thoughts, the incomplete and inaccurate ways of seeing life, and being in life, will remain the “poor among us”, and more susceptible to the ravages of disease, aging and deterioration of the mind and body.  Yet, even though the disease and despair wrought by toxic male energy is woven throughout the collective garment that now covers our humanity, there are many threads of hope interwoven within it, as well, and these threads are our hope for transcendence.

I continue to feel that A New Story Needs To Be Told by our teachers and leaders, and by ourselves.  The fatal flaw with all philosophies touting the coming of a new age of peace and enlightenment is that they fail to embrace a fundamental flaw in the human mind, its character and reasoning.  And, this flaw typically arises in the male dominated mind, with a few notable exceptions.  Those who continue to promote the “light”, without first addressing the required walk through our personal and collective “darkness”, are offering up shallow containers for those who need to drink deeply from the waters of the Spirit.  We are left thirsty, and confused, as to why we do not reach the “promised land” as offered by others who are supposedly “in the know”.

Men use their philosophies to justify greed and selfishness, and to give themselves permission not to feel for others less fortunate than themselves, nor to even fully feel their own human emotions.  Male energy in general, and all patriarchal cultures are out of balance, having repressed so much of our basic, human (feminine) nature that we can no longer access our innermost divine/human nature, where all love and healing bubbles up from.  Men who can’t access their feelings, can’t access their higher natures, period.  The path to the Spirit goes directly through the flooding streams of human emotions.  Those who bypass this step live mostly from their “heads” rather than through their “hearts”.

I Looked For My Soul (by William Blake)

I looked for my soul,

But my soul I could not see.

I looked for my God,

But my God eluded me.

I looked for a friend,

And then I found all three.

May we all become friends of the Spirit, because love and insight is bigger than anything in its way.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Anais Nin

We all must find a way to blossom and to release our “imprisoned splendor”. Emotionally dishonest, hiding, shame based behavior, hateful, misogynistic, racist, irrational, anti-earth and anti-animal, and immoral agendas promoted by the existing POTUS, and tragically practiced by millions of our fellow Americans, will not lead to recovery and healing, period. We are all negatively impacted by the continued resistance of others to the unfoldment of healing, and love.

Pockets of conscious, self-aware, healthy people have been sprouting up among the weeds of American misunderstanding since the beginning of our time together as a people and nation. Perhaps these pockets will someday be woven into  a national garment of spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and physical well-being, to be worn by all. This is not happening while I am still alive, however, and may not ever be realized in our time, or any time for that matter. Changes must happen within consciousness itself, and the “common knowledge game” that we all unconsciously play must be examined, and re-examined again and again, until we are no longer subjugated to its darker sides of oppression and repression of human spirit.

While some believe that our collective emotional and spiritual IQ appears to be declining, there are those who continue to grow, evolve, transform, and become aware. which brings me a measure of optimism for the future. Women, who tend to think more holistically, are the hope for the future, as men’s fragmented thinking and selfish reasoning will only continue to lead us all down the path of chaos and brokenness. Men will never lead anybody into the “promised land”, because the “promised land” does not exist for persons living a life devoid of spiritual discernment, no matter how much they claim to read the bible, or attend church. Unhealed men are not capable of seeing everything as extending from an unbroken whole, of which everything emanates from and which we are eternally united with. Men do not automatically assign the highest value to life, instead opting for philosophical agendas that minimize other life’s value, so that they can achieve their selfish desires with less guilt.

There just are not enough recovering men in this country right now who have undertaken the practice of self-awareness and healing, and applied spirituality, devoid of the trappings of religious dogma and misplaced judgement. Men will not evolve, unless backed into a corner, and threatened with the loss of everything, and even then they will try to hold a discussion with you about why they don’t need to heal, just everybody else needs to. There are far too many men who pretend to be Christian, playing that music in the background while going about their typically anti-Christ unconscious, unhealed male behaviors, negatively impacting all those who make contact with that irrational, yet all too common, wounded American male soul. Most men will not change, unless faced with the certainty of death itself. And, the road that our country is now set upon, is defined by death’s very boundaries. There will be healing for the American male in our future, but by what impetus, and at what cost to the rest of our world?

Insight, enlightenment and healing do not come to the “fat and happy” people of our world. Transformation is NOT a gentle process, merely attained through reading books, practicing a few affirmations, talking with friendly therapists under our emotional control, and/or attending a few workshops and conferences. To find true enlightenment, a path through personal, and our collective, insanity is REQUIRED. Watch how the so-called ‘professionals’ of our culture continue to try to oppress this movement, and repress those impulses within themselves, and others under their ‘spell’ or control.

I can quote from the Bible, Koran, Talmud, Bhagavad Gita, or the sayings of the “enlightened masters” such as the Buddha, Jesus Christ, Mohammed, or more recently Krishnamurti, the Dalai Lama, OR ALL OTHERS, for the rest of eternity, but until I face myself directly and honestly, NO TRANSFORMATIVE CHANGE WILL OCCUR. The same is true for our country, and for our world.

The greatest life lesson that life has given me revolves around my relationship with my father. My grandfather’s alcoholism seemed to have had an Impact on the way dad drank as a young man. He enjoyed drinking, and was quite the social person, as well. But, his memory of his father’s behavior probably served as a good deterrent to abusive drinking. But dad still wrestled with his own self-esteem . The legacy that my grandfather tried to leave with his kids tragically revolved around diminishing the value of his children’s lives in his, and in their own, developing minds. My dad was, at times, troubled by his upbringing, though he rarely spoke of it until very late in life. Unconsciously, dad had impressed his own lack of a healthy mental self concept upon his children.

To this day, depending on how conscious I can or can’t be, I can be dramatically impacted by the wounds, or I can soar high above it all through maintaining the principles of an open heart and a quiet(er) mind, which neutralizes the unhealthy illusions of self that can be so troubling. But my lack of a healthy self-esteem did take me into hell very early in life. I was not to find recovery from this until I was 31 years of age. And, for me, my only hope was to find the Truth that underlies the whole of life, and attempt to derive a new sense of self through re-connection with this lost essence. A new openness to life and all of the possibilities that shared love can create, and a resurgence in the respect that I now give my body through enhanced physical activity, diet, and placement in healthier outdoor settings and social situations, helped to guide me in ways my father could not have embraced, nor given me any mentoring with, as he was too unconscious.

Awe, wonder, love, connection, healing, wholeness, collaboration, good mental health, all lie within the realm of possibilities for all men, and for humanity. With the acceptance of personal responsibility one human being at a time, for all of our negative perceptions, we can transmute their dark energy into a lighter, healthier energy through insight, mindfulness, and meditation. We will then find the perfect peace and goodness that some claim that we have always been looking for, since Mankind first arrived on this planet.

Dead men tell no tales, but the near dead, and fully alive, MUST continue to tell their stories, with respect for themselves and others, until our civilization finally wakes up. To not express ourselves honestly and openly results in our own early demise, Spiritually as well as physically. My innate response would be to keep silent, as I have nothing of value to share with the world, and/or the world could give a shit about what I have to say anyway. Extrapolate that response to life, and we can perceive the isolating framework that imprisons much of the American male psyche.

The compulsion to hide from ourselves can be lifted. We can know love and forgiveness of ourselves, and others, like we thought would never be possible. We can become a light unto ourselves and others, and that light can sustain us for the rest of our days. We can be at peace, and understand, perhaps for the first time in our life, how to live life on life’s terms. We can finally find what we were looking for our entire life, so please do not give up before the real miracle of our life reveals itself. Finding our real healthier, saner self is the greatest challenge of life.

Those who find what they are looking for, find the secret of spirituality, and the secret of a successfully lived life. Happiness, joy, and freedom become our life’s most enduring companions on our life’s journey. Difficulties, sorrows, heart breaks, deaths, depressions, anxieties, and even relapses may still arise, but we now have healthier tools for dealing with the adversity of life. We no longer hide from life, but instead remain engaged with it. We ride Life’s occasional Tsunami waves, rather than be drowned by them. We learn that it was not Life’s loads that broke us, but instead it was the unconscious and unskilled ways that we carried them. Now we have the developed spiritual skills to successfully manage Life’s unavoidable burdens, while creating the conditions for new opportunities in life and for prosperity in its many forms, including enhancing our relationships to each other!

We did not cause or create this disease, We cannot control this disease, and, by ourselves, we cannot cure this disease. I have had many, many years of sobriety, but I have also had three major relapses over the past 34 years, as well. I can continue to treat myself consciously and with love for this disease, and show the benefits of recovery from this disease to those who still suffer, and have interest in their own recovery process. Relapse is a painful, but necessary, part of recovery, as we learn from our mistakes, and grow from them. The point remains to lift ourselves up in recovery, even though we might have descended the ladder into the hell of toxicity yet again. If we fall seven times, we lift ourselves up eight times.

Those who are still toxic are not without choices. We all have the internal power to change, we only need to learn how to consciously access that power which is greater than our resistance to change and bad habits, and express its infinite healing potential. For me, the choice became between living a an inspired life, or leading a self-destructive life. For those that continue to embrace toxicity to their own detriment, and the detriment of others, there are healthier, more life affirming choices to be made..

I continue to have contact with toxic people, practicing alcoholics and/or drug addicts, as well as the family and friend “enablers” that consciously or unconsciously continue to support them in their dysfunction. Enablers are not bad people, we just do not know what to say, or how to say it, to those who continue to abuse their chemical of choice, or attack love’s sensibilities. We might be hesitant to give feedback, for fear of being rejected and/or seen as being overly judgmental, or we may have become fatalistic in our appraisal of the situation, and given up hope. For some of us, we have remained silent in the face of direct threats against the continuing health and safety of our beloved family members or friends, and our own emotional well-being while attempting to remain an active part of the diseased family structure.

To some of us who continue to enable bad/self-destructive behavior of others, just remember that even though we did not cause the disease for others, we cannot control the disease for others, and we cannot cure the disease for others, by our remaining silent on the sidelines, we remain part of the denial system of the diseased culture. At some point, it WILL BECOME NECESSARY to confront the toxic attitudes and behavior, and speak our truth. Then we will need to set our boundaries, and hold fast to them. This can include eschewing all conversations and/or physical connection with the offending family member until they start to make the necessary changes in course, and MAKING SURE THAT THE OFFENDING PARTY KNOWS EXACTLY WHY WE ARE KEEPING AWAY FROM THEM.

Our own mental health and personal safety become most important, for without that, we remain a powerless part and unconscious contributor to social and family toxicity. There are many who have found the way to use their disease to control their family, their friends, their employers, and all of the people in their lives like they were marionettes on a string. We must not remain a functioning part of their diseased control dramas, lest we lose control over our own destiny, and sanity.

I remain well acquainted with anonymity, which is one of the supporting spiritual principles. My headlights shine brightly for my own “vehicle of consciousness” on my own new path of consciousness, yet they often provide little illumination for others on their own unique path. This is as it should be, as “no teacher can effect the salvation of others, as we each must work it out for ourselves”. Yet, we must be willing to share our experience, strength, and hope, so that others might benefit from our journey.

We are all as sick as the secrets that we keep from each other, and from ourselves.

Choose wisely, oh mankind, the secrets that we must keep, for by our choices, we all may awaken, or stay sick, isolated, and asleep. I grieve with the rest of humanity for the early deaths of all damaged souls, and for the loss of human potential to the rest of humanity. Please, America, listen to, and retell their stories, so that we can all heal, grow, and love together in a new, transformative environment that can celebrate wholeness, and our individual contributions to it, from both the male and female perspectives.

May all sentient beings be released from suffering.

May all spiritually and emotionally damaged men be released from the cultural conspiracy of silence, which contributes to personal, and collective, suffering.

Please, my fellow men, save yourself. I did not write this book for fame, fortune, or cultural acceptance. This writing is based upon my entire life experience, which has been complemented by thousands of hours of meditation and mindfulness. This writing reflects my lifelong search for truth, wherever it may lead, and I found that it leads to all of us.. It even leads to YOU.

Are we ready to create and/or follow new paths of healing consciousness? 

Are we ready to evolve in consciousness and wholeheartedly practice mutually life affirming, collaborative behaviors with our peers?

Are we ready to quiet our minds enough to hear the whispers of Mother Earth, all of her children, and the Universe that supports us all ?

If so, we are ready for an amazing transformation of the heart and soul.

But first, let’s completely understand how collective consciousness is related to the Common Knowledge Game.