I have simultaneously traveled several paths on my way to freedom from internalized trauma. One of the obvious ways was to study my life, and see where any inflection points were incurred where my life went unexpected, self-destructive, and even tragic directions. Through investigation of my past, studying family and personal narratives, and becoming aware of the concurrent cultural narratives, I could see the process of my life, and how consciousness was influenced, or even built, by those forces. As mentioned earlier, all that I see, or can ever see, from an individual perspective is myself, so by the study of relationships, I could actually see how, while in relationship with the world, I created the various versions of myself. This investigative activity was predominantly a conscious experience, with my intention, and intuition, leading the search for truth…
One other path that I took was to study and develop a narrative around was that which unfolded within my dream time. Dreams are often seen as almost chaotic eruptions from the body, or the subconscious mind. I have found, though, that dreams are anything but unconscious, and, in fact, often times offer a compelling view of the fundamental forces at work within the biological and spiritual ecosphere. Remarkably, many of these dream time messages are not necessarily emanating from immediately recognizable parts of the conscious, individual that I call myself, and, in fact, are emanations from the collective mind of mankind, and even from psychic, cosmic, magical and mystical realms. But, be careful, and enter into these realms with humility, lest a powerful resistance to our conscious presence, and a virtual kickback will be experienced.
,I am not a religious person, though I have joined with the community of many theologians who believe that dreams are one of God’s (or, Higher Power, Universe, Healing, Spirit, Grandfather Great Spirit, The One, etc.) primary ways of getting our attention and ordering reality for us. In the absolute, there is little difference between what we experience through our dreams and through our so-called waking reality. Awake or asleep, internally we respond in real time to what we witness as if both experiences have equal footing in reality. So could God/Truth be trying to tell us something while we are sleeping?
Here are seven spiritually significant dream categories that point to more than meets the mind’s eye….
1. Visitation Dreams
It’s common to have a visitation dream after a loved one passes. The deceased often appear in bodily form, healthy and luminous, in order to communicate an important message: “I’m okay.”, or “There is nothing to fear about death”. I have had several of these dreams over the years, with my most recent experience revolving around the recent death of a good friend.
2. Prophetic Dreams
Many people have had a “dream that came true.” Our dreams may use our past experiences to produce a probable series of future events—showing us patterns that help us make better choices when we’re awake. I have had several dreams that have predicted EXACTLY events that were to happen, yet they remain unreliable predictors of the future, because the future is always changing, depending upon changes made in the present.
3. Warning Dreams
God—and our body—can sometimes speak in dreams to warn us about imminent danger, especially regarding health. We may dream of a specific body part or even receive a verbal warning. In a 2015 study of women diagnosed with breast cancer, 83 percent had dreams that were more vivid than normal. And 44 percent reported hearing specific words like “breast cancer” or “tumor.” I had a dream where I saw that my friend, who had metastatic brain cancer, needed to trust his own healing process, rather than resisting and trying to control it.
4. Healing Dreams
These are the internal creations that bring us from an “out of balance” place into “harmony and balance.” They often involve a mystical encounter. I have experienced many healing dreams, I had one amazing dream with my deceased grandpa Henry which, to this day, inspires and confounds me.
5. Heavenly Dreams
According to a 1989 study, more than half of healthy young adults who dreamed of death spent a significant amount of time in that dream in heaven. These dreamers sometimes go down a tunnel or pathway and arrive at heavenly destinations. They also frequently encounter deceased loved ones. I have had dreams where I have heard the songs and sounds of the “angels of heaven”, carrying a message of beauty beyond my ability to describe or define.
6. Mutual Dreams
A mutual dream is when two people—typically in separate locations—dream of the same thing at the same time. According to a 2017 study, shared dreams are 80 percent identical on average. They often occur between close friends or relatives. Interestingly, 4 percent of these dreams are shared by strangers. A most profound realization and insight may come to the dreamer, that the collective mind of man dreams through individuals, and individuals dream through the collective mind of mankind. We are one, after all, you and I.
7. Remote Viewing Dreams
Remote viewing dreams can be some of the most confusing of dreams. Literally, the dreamer walks into the awareness of another personality, and witnesses the same activity as that person being witnessed. One of the more amazing dreams that I have had in recent years was a dream involving June Thomas’s brother Dale, where, while sleeping, I saw what June saw, when she attended to her fallen brother. In the dream, I fell between the toilet and the wall. That same evening, June witnessed her brother falling between the toilet and the wall.
I used to have a dream journal by my bedside, where I would record any dream that I had, upon awakening. Sometimes, I would write while still asleep, so as to not lose the essence of the dream. The picture below is of one entry from 2007, and is a truly remarkable dream statement. It seems to prove, at least in the dream, that we may have choices as to what we see, and who we see it through. I have no conscious recollection of ever writing this entry into my journal, and, in fact, this entry was discovered twelve years later, hidden in a notebook which was discovered while on a trip to Japan in 2019.
Wisdom and insight are available through our “dream channels”. Atheists and agnostics have the same capacity as the saints, as far as the ability to access dream wisdom goes.
We are much closer than we presently believe, and our beliefs keep us more separate as a human beings, than together as spiritual beings. June is much more like me, and attuned with me, than I am comfortable with, some times.
The same is true of ALL OF HUMANITY.
Here are a few of my many important dreams. I can see now the progression of these dreams, as I sought for, and gradually gained, the necessary insight to find the new paths to my own healing, and transcendence.
Dream of 1964
In 1964, at 9 years of age I had a most amazing, realistic dream. This was during a period of time when I slept very little, as I usually got to sleep no earlier than midnight, no matter how early I went to bed. I laid in bed and reviewed the day every night before sleep, and see where I could have done things better, or said something a little differently. My dreams had finally evolved beyond the continuous nightmare phase that I was accustomed to, prior to age 8.
THE DREAM:
The priest, having received his directive from “on high”, then returned to his village along the lake in the high mountain region. He gathered all of the villagers together, and informed them that they were to take every golden figurine, every sacred symbol that they owned, and they were to throw them all into the lake, and never to think about them again. Then, he told each villager that they must each go into their own home, and face the “evil one” without any protection or care from any of their gods or their symbols of the sacred.
Lake Titicaca Peru-Bolivia-South-America
The priest then returned to his own home, having tossed all of his own idols and treasures into the deep blue lake. He stripped himself bare of all clothing, and then began to summon the forces of the dark. He became surrounded by a fog, and as he lifted his hands, sparks started flying out of his fingertips at the unknown force of darkness that lay just beyond his visual field, still hidden beyond the boundaries of the fog. The priest refocused his energy into his arms, and hands, and the sparks grew into a steady energy field, extending from his body, his heart, and his spirit, towards his unknown adversary. He was determined to overcome this force, this dark energy, and he redoubled his efforts. The priest’s heart began to race out of control, he began to sweat profusely, and a growing sense of fear and dread began to take hold of his entire being, as he finally understood that his energy could not last forever. Yes, for him to continue this battle, he must sacrifice all of his life force. Yet, he felt that he had no choice but to keep engaging the enemy, to finally see the face of the force that had terrorized his village since time began. He desperately strained and stretched to see the object of his fear and disdain, even as the ebbing energy field flowing from his fingertips continued to cut through the fog. Suddenly, a face began materializing before his faltering gaze. As he collapsed to the floor, almost drained of all life, he could no longer fight an undeniable truth– the face of the evil one might be his own!
Being so immature, and not too worldly in my knowledge, I did not have the necessary background to know what to think about the dream. I discussed the dream with my older sister, who seemed to have some partial answers to its mysteries (based on her understanding of reincarnation), but so many mysteries remained to be explained. I waited and watched for further answers, and went on with the all of the important business of being a carefree boy, though at times, I fleetingly experienced “self-awareness”.
Three years later, while taking World Geography as a class in the 7th grade, I was introduced to the Incan civilization, and Lake Titicaca, which is on the border between Peru and Bolivia. This was, and still is, a very sacred lake, and, according to the lore of the Incan people, it was where the origins of the human race began. I had an eerie sense of familiarity with the lake, and with the people of the area.
Di Di Dream 1988
I wrote my first love poem in 1984, when I became lovers with a woman by the name of Diane (Di Di) McCloud. I had first met Di Di while she was running with Gary, a cocaine dealer and friend to both me and Randy Olson. Gary and I became friends, and Gary eventually stored his money and cocaine in a safe house, which happened to be the home that I lived in. How unlucky was that for me! I got the privilege of running with the same important people that Gary did, including prominent local rock and roll DJ’s, as well as the best local rock and roll bands. And, during this time, I started to fantasize about someday hooking up with his sweetie, but I never had any intention of having an affair with her. Somehow, she stayed with Gary for over two years. Di Di was quite the free spirit, as well as a drug addict, so Gary’s appeal may have been enhanced by his constant supply of drugs.
Randy and I were living near downtown Portland at the time We lived on the 22nd floor of the Panorama Tower, and it was at this home that Randy first brought Di Di, who had recently broken up with Gary, into our shared lives. She hung out with Randy for a few days, then lost interest in him. Somehow, we hooked up after that, early in the summer of 1984, and this most beautiful woman professed her love and willingness to stay connected with me shortly after that. I was blown away, as she was the most attractive, sexy woman I had ever seen. I was so inspired by my relationship with Di Di, that I wrote my first love poem in 1984. She treasured the poem, and actually sought another copy of it shortly before her own death early in 1987. She was to become the first person that I felt I had ever truly loved, but we had to let each other go after a short period of time.
I was to see her two more times in April of 1986. I saw her at a bar in Beaverton, and we traveled to the beach together to Seaside to spend the following evening. She was somewhat distracted, and in the intervening eighteen months since I seen her last she had deteriorated in her appearance, looking a little worn. We drank at the local Seaside bars, until I no longer had any desire to drink anymore. I told her that I was going back to the hotel room, and left her the extra key. She stated that she wanted to keep the party going, and continued drinking and carrying on with some of the local folks. She returned to the hotel room at two in the morning, all excited about some new “friends” that she had made, and the great cocaine that they had shared together. She wanted to bring the two guys back into the hotel room to continue the party.
“No thanks, this is where I take my leave!” I announced in a rather angry tone of voice. I grabbed my overnight bag, and headed towards home, even though I was drunk, almost to the point of being in a blackout. Somewhere along Highway 26, beyond the Elderberry Inn, I crashed my car into a guardrail, nearly going over a cliff in the process. I could not get out of the drivers side door, it was so crashed in. I quickly got the car back onto the road, in my attempt to get home before any more trouble befell me. When I finally reached North Plains, I fell asleep at the wheel again, stepped on the accelerator, and rammed into the back of another car at freeway speeds. We both pulled over, and I was able to bribe the owner of the car not to call the police, since I was DRUNK, by writing him a check for $471, which was every last penny that I had in my checking account. My car was totaled, but somehow I was able to make it home, miraculously escaping death or a DUI citation.
Di DI called me a month later, wanting to talk, and wanting a copy of the love poem that I had given her two years before. When we met, she told me that the poem was the most beautiful gift that anybody had ever given her, and that she was sorry that she did not find the spot in her life for me. We both cried, and parted company on rather sad terms. She eventually died one year later, when she was killed in a drunken driving related automobile wreck in Lake Oswego.
Di Di became a part of myself and my consciousness, and I had one profound dream with her in it, shortly after her death. In the dream, I am confronted by a man exhibiting aggressive, unkind, abusive behavior. In the dream, I am appalled, disgusted, and threatened by his manner. I call out to a policeman, imploring him to arrest that man, and protect all of us from his violence. Di Di then walks up to me in the dream, taking the policeman’s place, and states quite plainly that for love to reappear in my life, in all of its fullness, I must first “arrest” all of these negative qualities within myself, and rehabilitate my own passions, then love will reappear. The dream ends, but the journey continues.
Poem Written for Di Di, in 1984.
Though hibernating for oh so long
And hiding from the deep pain of winters’ chill
Love reawakens to sing its special song
So for how much longer can we be still?
With eyes that melt winters’ deepest snow
A tender touch that always seem to say
That all we will ever need to know
Will be learned along Love’s way
Two minds that were brought together
Two hearts that seek to share,
Two bodies that need no tether
Two become one, though still a pair
Heavenly nights and rapturous mornings,
Love promises through all of our years,
The sweet, stirring music of love sings
For two souls who now have the ears to hear.
True love can be the source of dreams
For two hearts continuing to awaken.
I pray that we are all each other seems
And share in Love’s next journey taken.
Dream of 1992
In the spring of 1992, while Sharon and I were living in Rock Creek, I had a most amazing dream, and it is the miracle of love, and trust and innocence that enables me to share it (only Sharon has ever heard it , and she had no choice-she woke me up from it). In this dream, I was in my grandfather’s home, sleeping in the bedroom that i always slept in as a child. A “fierce, fiery cluster, or orb, of pure light and love” hovered over me, and though it did not have human form, I knew it to be my grandfather. I was being drawn into his love light, and I knew that, for me to continue, this energy would destroy my body because my body was too weak to support this “fire of love” that came to me. I did not care, for I had finally found what I was looking for, and I began to rise up, and attempt to join with it, knowing my “body” would be destroyed in the process.
Now, in real time, in the physical world, my body was shaking and almost convulsing, and, to Sharon, my “crying and distress” showed that I was having a nightmare. In her concern, she woke me up, and I had never felt so disappointed to have to wake up, as it ripped me away from this most remarkable inner experience. It is also remarkable how absolutely parallel this inner experience in the dream was to my own grandfather’s experience on the operating table, when he was “ripped back into this world” against his will.
But the dream carried many fruits with it into the world that our bodies inhabit (Also, the prayer of gratitude-Grandfather, Great Spirit, Thank You, appeared in my mind and heart back then, as well). I knew that if I wanted to entertain, or to even host, the higher vibrations of love, my body (both physical body and the body of thought constituting myself), must become much stronger, and more open to the powerful energies of Love’s universe. I came to realize that I must improve my physical conditioning and my dietary choices, and continue to be engaged with like minded individuals and groups of people, where energy can be exchanged.
April 1 2017 Dream
After Friday evening’s seminar about mysticism with the Master Spiritual Teacher, Matthew Fox, we returned to our hotel room, to rest up for the next morning’s follow-up workshop on the Cosmic Christ. I had quite the deep, peaceful sleep, which lasted six hours for me. Prior to awakening, I had a most interesting, powerful dream.
What was/is fascinating about this dream is how absolutely awake I was, while having the dream. It is a complete spiritual teaching, and for that, Great Spirit, I thank you, and my gratitude will be expressed through the life lived through me, for now and all time to come.
Curiosity only thrives in an unconditioned mind. Drink freely from its chalice of the Spirit!
In the dream, I opened a door, and walked into a room that was well-lit. The room seemed unfamiliar to me. Inside of the room there was a man standing to the right of the entrance. He greeted me, holding a cup out to me in his hand. He gently offered it to me, and for a moment I considered what it’s contents might be. I then knew that if I drank from it, I would become “intoxicated”, but of a different nature that was still consistent with the path of “sobriety” I currently walked upon. I then noticed a table, where an opened map laid open upon it. The man walked with me to the table, still holding the cup.
I looked at the map, and it was a topographic style map, similar to what I might use for traveling and/or hiking with. There were two distinct areas to it. The path or road, on the right side of the map, had only one dark, solid line drawn from the bottom to the top of the map. But, the section on the left side of the map had several dotted lines that only remotely “paralleled” the route on the right side of the map. I had no judgement about each of the path styles, yet I remained curious about the several dotted line paths, which intersected each other, while also “snaking” their unique individual routes up the map. I noted also that the “dotted line” paths also did not ever cross the path of the solid, dark line, though all of the paths had no distinct starting, or end point.
At the Cosmic Christ workshop, Matthew asked if anyone had a dream that they wanted to share in the big group. Not being a “realized person”, I felt uncomfortable sharing the dream. But when it came time for a break, I took a book to Matthew for signing, and shared my dream with him. He refused to tell me what it might mean, but he had a smile on his face, and told me to let it tell me it’s meaning.
On our drive home, Sharon White took controls of the car, and I started telling her the dream again. It was then that the horripilations (Godchills) began in earnest, and the full meaning came through me. A complete mystical understanding, and teaching, was built into that dream, and it was then I realized that I had indeed drunk from the cup of the Spirit. Yes, I became quite “intoxicated” with Spirit, and I knew then that we had truly been blessed by the Master Teacher.There are two aspects of human consciousness represented here.
The straight dark lined right side of the map represents:
- Goal setting and achievement within cultural accepted norms and standards.
- automatic, culturally ingrained responses to the world, and to the self
- Memory and habitual responses predominate, little creative expression
- Worship of authorities, leaders, historical spiritual heroes, and
- full blown unconscious participation in the common knowledge game and lemming effect
- time based awareness, where personal and cultural history are unquestioned
- Looks to others for salvation
- fear of future, guilt, shame, and trauma influenced/controlled history
The dotted lined, left side of the map represents:
- A life defined by moment to moment experience, where individual choices and decisions fill in the gaps between the dots
- A life informed by inquisitiveness and curiosity
- High degree of creativity, insight, and intelligence.
- Courage to create new paths of conscious awareness
- Full blown conscious participation in the uncommon knowledge game
- Timeless awareness, where historical understanding is supplanted with the unencumbered intelligence of the spirit.
- works out own salvation
- life in the present moment
I don’t expect anybody who remains stuck in the right side of the map to understand this dream, except for Sharon and I, and those who wander on the left side.
Mysticism, the heart of all vibrant, evolving religions, also can be a personal reality. It is not, however, for those clinging to structured understandings of life.
Not all who wander are lost—-JRR Tolkien
July Dream of 2021:
I was driving alone on a back country road, into a deep wilderness. The road ends suddenly, with the front of the car hanging over a precipice, I get out car just in time before car falls off of the cliff. I walked up a path into the woods, where I was confronted by community of disfigured men, each one with their own unique, disfiguring handicap. One at a time, each demon engages and threatens me. I wrestle with each one of them, in a steady progression, while I also began developing greater and greater strength. I see a little bit of myself in each demon that I face. After being confronted by each demon, they are changed into a unique human being with normal appearance. They all eventually are engaged, transformed, and fall back and lose interest in me..A ferocious leader appears, and he barely appears to be humanoid in appearance. I see nothing of myself in this monster. The leader tells me that he will subdue me for his pleasure and for his consumption, I ask for help from those I have already faced, and transformed. We don’t defeat the leader, yet the leader releases me and the others from his grasp, when he loses interest. He is not me, or the others. I appear inside of a building. I walk over to a window and look out. I see a man victimizing my first wife, Donelle, I confront the man, and he releases Donelle. She hangs around for a moment then I fly away from her, imbued with a new energy. I then engage in an incredible, dangerous mission, climbing/traversing the upper reaches of a great wall. I stand atop it,. The wall is immovable, but I am free.
I stand at its pinnacle looking out beyond the boundaries of the wall. A new palace on the hillside is just starting to come into view.
The dream ends, and only Life’s infinite vision remains.
The Minotaur has been confronted. The Minotaur has no more influence upon me. And, I have a very good clue now, as to how to retrace my steps, and leave the labyrinth,
FOR GOOD.
NOVEMBER 2021 DREAM
In a recent dream, I was taken on an amazing, enlightening journey through my subconscious and conscious mind. During several vignettes, I am surrounded by a protective cage, a cage which keeps me safe while I visit a legion of different people in differing circumstances. In one case I see Death itself who has taken human form in the personage of a man that I have known for 35 years, and who is nearing his own death times. Death invites me into his creative studio, and though I am friends with him, I say NO THANK YOU, NOT FOR ME AT THIS TIME! There is no color in the world of death, only gradations of black..
I notice that my protective cage is not impenetrable, and that my point of entry into it on its back side is the most vulnerable, and that I must keep a close eye on it, lest unwelcome visitors will attempt to enter, and abide with me.
There is an important point being made here. Our spiritual connection and understanding gives us wings to fly, and the potential for greater health, yet our openness to the world needs to be tempered with its harsh reality. We all still suffer under the weight of its own self-destructive illusions. We are susceptible to their influence even if we are firmly established upon our own unique spiritual path.
In the next vignette, I am floating above a vast swamp, a swamp covered by a living opaque membrane. I can’t see through the membrane per se, but zi know that forms of life exist underneath it. Some forms I recognize to be very small humanoid appearing creatures, yet not quite fully alive. I also see larger forms, also humanoid, more to the center of the vast membrane. I recognize that this swamp is owned or managed by a community of fear intoxicated brings. In the dream I know not to confront the people about what is going on under the membrane, but I intuit that this is where they not only create images of humans, but also grow and sustain them. These victimsm were created as sacrifices to some dark energy, and they could also be destroyed if they felt it was appropriate. This was not the place of peace with sublime creations for sure. This was the creative swamp where humanity creates judgements against each other, and against the self. These judgements are created to minimize others’ value, and, ultimately, to kill them if threatened, and, ultimately, our self, at least in a spiritual sense.
I encountered several other disfigured beings, all wishing to enter into my protective cage, and tempt me with self degrading options, which I eventually recognized as being personification of all manners of human disease. I saw that my health demands that I do not invite any of these friendly tempting diseases into my protective vehicle.. I also then saw that the swamp was where the human mind creates false images of its self and others, and these become the very source of conflict, disease, and disfigurement.
In real life, I was beginning to become ill, and for several days I had concerning symptoms. There was a battle going on inside of me between life affirming energy, or my antibodies, and life destroying energy, or disease in one of its infinite disguises.. My feet were inexplicably dragging while walking with my wife Sharon. I was getting headaches, and I developed quite a cough and congestion. knew who, or what was going to win.
The miracle of uncoupling from the past is a real, and a dream, possibility.
Looking at my history, I have witnessed many dreams inspired by the Healing Mystery
