Chapter 6~~How I Came to Develop Insight ~ Living on Universal Bandwidth
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
— Aristotle
What if life’s most profound answers don’t reside in the external world but are hidden deep within us? Humanity has grappled with this idea for millennia, propelling countless seekers toward introspection and self-discovery. Yet, the path to authentic insight is neither easy nor linear—it requires unflinching courage to confront uncomfortable truths, discipline to separate reality from illusion, and honesty to integrate newfound awareness into daily life.
Many of us unknowingly live secondhand lives, donning societal narratives like straightjackets or burial shrouds, rather than mantles that embody higher spiritual aspirations. To dismantle these restrictive constructs, attention must be paid to all facets of existence—dreams, personal writings, physical ailments, conversations, and even intuitive hunches. The clues are rarely obvious, yet they are always present. A good starting assumption? Familial or intergenerational trauma has impacted us in childhood or later, especially if joy, love, health, and purpose feel elusive today. The question then becomes, how does one truly begin the search for truth?
- By becoming discontent with the status quo—whether through heartache or exhaustion—and committing to change.
- By examining cultural, familial, and personal narratives and allowing curiosity to explore alternatives.
- By identifying archetypes that unconsciously govern behavior and dismantling those that no longer serve us.
- By listening to inner wisdom via intuition, dreams, and meditation, and following their breadcrumbs toward clarity.
One of my earliest insights arrived in the fourth grade during a science experiment. The class was asked to witness an experiment and to write down what was observed. Our teacher heated a thin metal sheet over a stove until it warped and deformed. Dumbfounded, I watched but couldn’t find the words to describe what I saw. Desperate to “fit in,” I mimicked the descriptions of my classmates. It seemed harmless at the time, but this simple act of borrowing another’s perspective revealed a deeper truth about collective human behavior—our dependence on secondhand narratives.
The need to conform often trumps personal interpretation, creating layers of illusion in religious, political, and social institutions. Over time, descriptions become more revered than the events themselves, birthing “truths” that often deviate from original experience. This realization planted the seeds of a lifelong pursuit of insight.
A Dream That Changed Everything
In the same year as the science experiment, when I was eight years old, a vivid dream became the catalyst for my deeper self-exploration. Standing by a high-altitude lake, I watched villagers cast golden figurines—representing deities—into the water under a priest’s instructions. Each villager then faced “the evil one” alone, stripped of tokens and protections. The priest was to ultimately realize his adversary bore his own likeness, and that his life force was being wasted attacking unknown parts of himself.
Though abstract at the time, the dream’s layers gradually unfolded. The lake symbolized my subconscious mind—a reservoir of unspoken emotions and hidden fears. The priest embodied inner wisdom urging me to release suoerstitious reasoning, idolatry, and ego-driven attachments, while the battle with “the evil one” encapsulated Carl Jung’s shadow self concept.
Dreams are not random; they are dialogues between the conscious and subconscious. Their symbols, if examined carefully, hold profound lessons about the human condition. For me, unearthing these messages became central to my personal evolution.
The Silence of an Ill-Prepared Mind
By my teenage years, my capacity for introspection remained painfully underdeveloped. A classroom assignment requiring personal reflections brought my inadequacy into sharp focus. Lacking the words to describe my inner world, I copied passages from Hugh Prather’s “Notes to Myself” just to get by. My honesty—to myself and others—remained elusive. This emotional and verbal disconnect formed a prison, confining me to cycles of anxiety, addiction, and disconnection throughout high school and college.
True insight requires rigorous self-honesty—something I lacked at the time. Without words or willingness to describe inner truths, I was incapable of escape. It took years of suffering before I began the work of breaking free.
At 31, desperation became the bedrock for transformation. I sought to untangle the chaos within and explore the cultural and personal conditioning that shaped my fragmented mind. The greatest success of this healing journey was discovering the timeless silence beneath my thoughts—the foundation of all being. Plato and the Oracle at Delphi asserted that through understanding oneself, one finds God and the cosmos. But this requires distinguishing timeless truths from transient narratives, which often entertain the ego rather than dissolve it.
In October of 2022 I was at a 14-hour spiritual retreat. I came to the retreat to work on the healing of fundamental perceptions of self and others that may have been contributing factors to exacerbating an autoimmune disease that plagued me. The retreat was to become the most powerful and transcendent experience that I had experienced in many years. The facilitator, after deep meditation and extensive personal sharing, questioned me as to why I did not recognize myself as a beautiful person. I replied that, though I know of my interior beauty and the beauty of my world, my body now shows to the world anything but that. I am in my late 60s, I have psoriasis, skin cancer, wrinkles on my neck that Botox would help etc., so my body image certainly kept me from acknowledging a truth that the facilitator wanted me to see.
I had long ago left that part of my biological and cultural self that sought a more perfect body in a quest to be attractive to the opposite sex (I am heterosexual). My search has ended in that regard, with my present spiritual and physical partner Sharon having become my life partner since 1989. Yet, I forget to consciously cultivate my love for my body, and express gratitude for the continued miracle of its existence as the vehicle for my version of consciousness.
The facilitator stated that if I only perceived my beauty to be an interior phenomenon, I was still just living out of my “head space”, as beauty is of THE WHOLE BEING, body, mind, and spirit, and a reflection of our connection with Mother Earth, and the Universe. We are all of immeasurable beauty and significance, and these two qualities must forever remain within our hearts, and remain independent of our biological, social, and personal agendas, AND THE UNINFORMED OPINIONS OF OTHERS. Otherwise, our failure to conform to the expectations of others will create internal informants who become our tricksters, and fool us into accepting disfigured visions and versions of the innate perfection of life.
Wow, that was quite a call on me.
I remembered the times growing up, when I felt rejected by most peers, sometimes because of my appearance. That rejection did not end when I matured. I vividly recall my friendship with Marsha Feldman, a strikingly beautiful friend from 1987-1988, who rejected me as a romantic partner. Marsha had specific ideals for her lovers—expectations I didn’t meet, and yet, I remained unbothered by her critiques, as sexual relationships were far from my focus at the time. I treasured the platonic friendship we shared. But over time, I wondered—was my indifference real? Or was it a mask concealing deeper self-neglect or feelings of inadequacy?
Marsha was extraordinary—undeniably beautiful, with a near-perfect appearance—yet she wrestled with her own unhappiness. She yearned for answers to ease her suffering. Battling a suspected autoimmune disease, Marsha turned to her Rabbi, seeking spiritual clarity and healing. What he offered was both profound and universal. He confessed that after years spent searching for God’s Truth in scriptures and laws, he only began to find it when he turned his questions inward. The answer, he told her, lay in the courageous exploration of herself—her beliefs, judgments, relationships, and her connection to life itself.
The Rabbi’s central message was clear to Marsha, and now to me as well:
To find God, to find healing, you must first find yourself.
He encouraged her to reflect, learn, and confront her shadows. Only then, he advised, could she uncover the divine that she sought. For Marsha, this meant beginning a deeper spiritual exploration, even attending 12-step groups despite not being an addict herself, to better understand her pain and find emotional liberation.
That’s where we met—at a lecture by motivational speaker Jack Boland, a master of the recovery movement and the human spirit. Boland spoke candidly about pain as a necessary catalyst, telling me directly that I needed more hardship to wake up and explore my true self. At the time, I dismissed his words. I had already three lifetimes worth of pain in this life, and my belly was full.
Years later, his insight resonates deeply. Many of us, myself included, carry unconscious patterns—internalized beliefs from childhood that operate silently, shaping our identities in ways we don’t fully understand. These “dark forces” often thrive in the subconscious, forming self-criticism, fear, or even physical manifestations like illness. Looking back, I see now that my autoimmune condition wasn’t just a health issue—it was my body telling me I was at war with myself, attacking who I was and how I showed up in the world.
The question emerged sharply in my mind:
Hadn’t I always known?
The truth is, I hadn’t. For years, these self-sabotaging beliefs were too close for me to recognize—so fundamental to my worldview that I mistook them for foundational truths. They acted as a quiet undercurrent, shaping my self-perception and actions. But with reflection, and by opening myself up to spiritual practices like mindfulness, meditation, and compassionate feedback from others, I began unraveling these patterns.
Healing, I learned, isn’t a linear process. It requires moments of stillness, raw honesty, and deep communion with both the light and the darkness within us. The more I studied myself—the forces shaping my thoughts, the judgments I carried against myself and others—the clearer it became. Suffering wasn’t something that simply happened to me; it was something I perpetuated through my perceptions.
With mindfulness, I could see the subtle transformation taking place. Through acceptance and greater self-awareness, I began to shift my focus—from battling myself to nurturing the best parts of me and letting go of what didn’t serve. Insight, as I discovered, comes in layers. Sometimes it feels like lightning clarity; other times, it feels like a slow unraveling and building up of who you thought you were. But in every case, insight is about bringing light to what was previously hidden.
The Rabbi’s advice to Marsha wasn’t just hers—it’s all of ours. If we’re to invite healing, growth, or even the presence of the divine into our lives, the first step is always the same:
We must be willing to find and face ourselves.
Marsha sought external healing, but it was in her internal exploration that she began finding pieces of the peace she longed for. That peace isn’t something reserved for few; it’s attainable by anyone willing to look for it. Healing isn’t necessarily about fixing—it’s about transformation. It’s about stepping into the deeper understanding that you’ve always been enough, even when you couldn’t quite see it.
No longer do I view my autoimmune struggles or early rejections as merely hardships. They’ve been mirrors guiding me toward deeper, more profound truths about myself. Every struggle held a hidden invitation to connect more deeply—both with myself and with the divine presence in all things.
Healing starts the moment we stop running. Deep self-awareness demands persistence. Insight must transcend surface-level revelations, piercing through lifelong ignorance, suffering, and suppression. Only then can we move from fragmentation to wholeness.
Spiritual freedom has never been about guns, money, or toxic forms of religion,
Indifference, paired with ignorance and denial, is the breeding ground for chaos, within both the self and society. Those unwilling to confront their inner toxicity unwittingly contribute to collective dysfunction. Indifference’s and ignorance’s offspring—hatred, divisiveness, and violence—continue to fuel global tragedies. Reactive outpourings of love for victims are noble but they only address symptoms, not root causes. True healing begins with insight, planting seeds of mindfulness that transform the actions we take in everyday life.
Practical Tools for Spiritual Insight
Unlocking the subconscious can feel overwhelming, but tools exist to decode its messages. Experiment with practices that resonate:
- Dream Journaling captures fleeting subconscious narratives, offering symbolic clues to inner truths.
- Meditation and Mindfulness silence external noise, creating space for deep awareness.
- Question Your Judgments – Are your inner criticisms rooted in truth, or learned narratives? Challenge the thoughts shaping your self-image.
- Explore Your Inner Shadows – Consider journaling, meditating, or taking part in groups that encourage self-exploration to uncover what lies beneath the surface.
- Creative Expression transforms shadowed emotions into empowering art or poetry.
- Guides and Mentors provide compassionate reflections, offering perspectives we may overlook ourselves.
No single method works for everyone. The key is to stay curious, open, and willing to explore until something resonates.
Insight, no matter how profound, remains stagnant without action. True change demands courage—letting go of unfit relationships, reevaluating material attachments, and challenging ingrained narratives. Resistance is natural; old habits and external skepticism are formidable barriers. Yet the rewards—authentic relationships, greater self-awareness, and richer experiences of the world—are immeasurable.
Insight is both a mirror and a lantern, illuminating what is and guiding what could be. The courage to engage deeply with dreams, subconscious symbols, and ego’s mechanisms charts a path toward an authentic, meaningful life.
Insights have the power to transform, but they demand engagement. Begin small:
- Listen to what your dreams are trying to tell you.
- Meditate regularly to create stillness within.
- Seek mentors or join supportive communities that challenge your understanding.
- Examine long-held beliefs and be bold enough to question them.
By opening yourself to introspection and acting on its revelations, the answers you seek may already be within you, waiting to unfold.
Unlock your insights.
Live authentically.
Insight and Mindfulness: Transforming Darkness into Light
Mindfulness and insight are often described as paths to clarity, peace, and self-understanding. But they’re more than just tools for calming the mind—they’re portals into deeper awareness and profound personal growth. Whether you’re a seasoned mindfulness practitioner, a spiritual seeker yearning for deeper truths, or someone exploring techniques for self-improvement, these practices open the door to authentic self-acceptance and lasting transformation.
What if every perceived flaw was an invitation to see yourself more clearly? What if rather than seeking external validation, you shifted toward uncovering your inner truth and aligning with your spirit? I invite you on a reflective exploration of insight and mindfulness—not just as intellectual concepts but as experiential practices that reshape how you view yourself and the world.
Years ago, I struggled with a relentless need to look “acceptable”—not just in physical appearance but in my creative expressions, my work, and the way others perceived me. My writings felt incomplete, as though they needed to be molded or polished to meet some idealized standard. I often found myself thinking, “If only I could appeal to the general public, and smooth out the rough edges, I would be seen as worthy, credible, enough.”
It became a metaphorical “botox” for my creations. Just as people may turn to cosmetic procedures to alter their appearance for external approval, I felt compelled to simplify complex ideas and inject superficial flourishes into my words so they’d be palatable to others. The source of this self-consciousness ran deep, rooted in my need for validation, my belief that only perfection would allow me to be “seen.”
But beneath these layers of self-doubt, something surprising emerged. What if this critical lens I used on myself wasn’t the truth? What if the narratives I spun while berating myself were flimsy at best? It dawned on me—my writings and my body were vessels, temporary containers for something much more profound.
The process wasn’t immediate, nor was it easy. Self-criticism, after all, doesn’t dissolve through sheer will. What helped me begin the shift was mindfulness—the anchoring focus on this moment, right here, right now.
Through mindfulness, I started to notice a pattern. Self-criticism was rooted in stories about the past—things I’d “gotten wrong”—or projections about the future—what others might think of me. But when I was present, simply being, my mind became a friend rather than an adversary.
Insight gently reminded me of an essential truth found in mindfulness practice—everything about us, from our thoughts to our physical forms, is temporary. Even the most beautiful sentence I could write would one day fade, just as the body eventually changes and returns to the earth. This awareness could feel heavy, but instead, it sparked a certain freedom within me.
By quieting the relentless judgments, I could finally see my body and writings not as imperfect objects needing correction, but as vessels of spiritual expression. They weren’t meant to be flawless; they were meant to be truthful, alive, and imperfectly mine.
“My body, and my writings, are temporary containers for my infinite spiritual potential.”
This insight became transformational. Just as we polish silver to reflect light, so too are our lives—the bodies we inhabit and the works we create—meant to mirror something far greater. These vessels are not the end goal; they are tools for the infinite to reveal itself through the finite.
Our spirit doesn’t demand perfection. Perfection is rigid, immovable. True expression, on the other hand, moves freely. It flows through the written word, through the imperfections of mistakes, and even through the rawness of vulnerability.
This reframing demanded that I focus more on alignment—with my purpose, my values, my truth—rather than aesthetic illusions. It shifted my energy from “fixing” myself towards honoring the infinite potential within these human containers.
If this resonates with you, consider weaving insight and mindfulness practices into your daily life. Here are a few tips to start or deepen your practice:
1. Practice Present-Moment Awareness
Set aside five minutes each day to sit quietly and tune inward. Notice your breathing, the sensations in your body, and the thoughts that float through your awareness without clinging to them. Simply be.
2. Use Self-Compassion Mantras
When self-criticism arises, gently interrupt the spiral with a mantra like, “I am more than my mistakes” or “I honor the imperfection of this moment.”
3. Write Mindfully
Approach a blank page without judgment. Instead of striving for perfection in your words, allow them to flow authentically. See your writing as a snapshot of your truth in this moment—nothing more, nothing less.
4. Reflect on Your Narrative
Daily journaling can help you unearth the inner stories you tell yourself. Are they kind? Are they realistic? Question whether these narratives align with who you wish to be.
5. Practice Gratitude
Gratitude reminds us of abundance, even when we feel lacking. Take a few moments to reflect on three things you’re grateful for—your body, your creative voice, even the courage it takes to pursue self-discovery.
6. Accept Impermanence
Meditate on the temporary nature of all things—your body, your work, even your struggles. This perspective cultivates freedom, allowing you to release the weight of perfectionism.
When you begin to honor your body and your creations as temporary vessels, life shifts in profound ways. Instead of striving to fix or perfect, you allow your truth to shine through. Insight and mindfulness aren’t about changing who you are but rather awakening to the beauty that’s been there all along.
Each moment is a new opportunity to transform self-doubt into self-acceptance. Each breath, a chance to align with your spirit. You are not here to prove your worth—you are here to express your infinite light, even in imperfect forms.
Start today.
Sit with yourself.
Breathe deeply.
And know that every step forward is a step into the luminous power of your being.
Embrace mindful self-acceptance now.
12 Steps Revised To Reflect My Spiritual Experience
1. Through our extended suffering, we finally found the desire to want it to end. We admitted that when we become self-destructively habituated to any substance, situation, or perception, or judgment and/or lack of forgiveness in our relationships with others, we lose our freedom of choice, bring unnecessary trauma into our lives, and into the lives of others, and, thus, fail to achieve any lasting sense of inner peace and joy. We finally realize that our lives have been lived unconsciously, and have become unmanageable as a result of that neglect.
2. With our newfound hope and openness for change, came the desire to begin to awaken to higher possibilities for our lives. We realized that, in our essence, we have an interior, though neglected, power that will heal us and restore us to balance, if we pursue it in earnest. We now realize that we have not been living up to our full potential as human beings.
3. We decided to turn our will, and our lives, over to the care of our higher interior power. We become open to the possibility of embracing a new Truth in our lives. We want to access the power to continuously evolve, and we want to cultivate our hearts to be more loving to ourselves and to others. We decide to let go of ANYTHING that impedes our progress toward happiness, healing and wholeness. We realize that without the deepest of desires, and intentions, to change our behavior, we will not be transformed.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We have lived a life without a high sense of self-esteem, and we have made unfortunate choices because of the scarcity consciousness that has resulted from it. We realize that when we find the blocks to our evolution and become willing to remove them, our newfound insight will guide our paths with precision to the Truth of our existence. This is our entrance onto the path of mindfulness and higher consciousness.
5. We admitted that we were not being truthful with ourselves and with others, and by talking with another whom we may trust, yet not be beholden to, about our errors in judgment and in actions towards ourselves and others, we can better deal with the shame and self-judgment that so often arises from the deadly secrets that we once felt that we must keep. Just by honestly talking with someone else, our burdens can be lifted. Our secrets need no longer keep us imprisoned, and mentally ill. When two or more people come together in the spirit of truth and honesty, mutual compassion and empathy also become part of the gathering.
6. We became entirely willing to let go of our attachments to unhealthy attitudes, behavior, and people. We wish to see clearly, without the limitations of our past, of our family history, and of our cultural conditioning, with all of their embedded trauma.
7. We open our hearts through humility and the willingness to change to embrace a new possibility in our lives. Our newfound sense of connection with our higher interior power inspires us to become more grateful for the gifts that we now have, and we are now spiritually preparing to finally give back to the world in a meaningful, positive way. We want to finally let go of all of the emotionally charged memories that keep us trapped in a dead past. Rejoice, for the old demons are being transformed into the new angels!
8. While we were unconscious of our higher potential as human beings, we brought emotional, spiritual and perhaps even physical harm to other innocent beings, and we want to try to bring healing and peace to those who have suffered from the effects of our ignorance. We realize that through the mirror of all of our relationships, dysfunctional or otherwise, we are granted a view into how we truly see ourselves. We want to see through the eyes of Truth, and not through the pain and suffering that unfulfilled relationships may have brought to us.
9. We made direct amends wherever possible to all people we may have brought harm to, except when to do so would bring further injury to them or to others. Our guilt will not be assuaged at the expense of others. We make full application of our newfound wisdom, and our renewed desire to bring no harm to any sentient being. We want our world, and our sense of self, to feel safe from further attacks from us, and our honest disclosure of our mistakes to those impacted by our errors in judgment will continue to support that intention.
10. We continued to take personal inventory, and, when wrong, promptly admit it. We have become honest with ourselves. We practice mindfulness and continue to develop our capacity for insight into ourselves. We now know ourselves, and we now know many of the potential impediments to experiencing and expressing the Truth of our being. We no longer solely abide in old modes of thought, and now we are more focused on the beauty of the present moment.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the Truth of our being, praying only for knowledge of Truth, and the willingness to live within its infinite domain. We now understand that this whole process of recovery is a meditation on life and that the evolving, healing life that we are now experiencing is our living prayer. Each time we drink from the deep interior waters revealed to us by meditation, more of our painful dreams are dissolved. We finally realize that the capacity to change, to evolve, to grow in our infinite spirit is the whole point of our human existence. We are now traveling upon new paths of consciousness.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we attempted to carry our message of recovery to our world while continuing to practice these principles in all our affairs. We have finally become whole, and are now conscious, caring human beings. We have accepted full personal responsibility for our lives, including healing our past and keeping our present balanced and harmonious, and we no longer blame others for who we are now. We are now experiencing prosperity on many levels, and have witnessed the healing of ourselves. We have saved the world—from ourselves. Our life is now our truest teacher. We realize that we have no power to bring salvation to others, yet, it is our responsibility to point to the way of healing for others who may still be suffering, and who may finally become interested in overcoming their limitations.
