All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king

by J. R. R. Tolkien (1892-1973)

Even if you remain lost in the shadows, having vainly pursued the mythical Garden of Eden, the dangerous Minotaur in the labyrinth, or the dark kingdom of Mordor, there still is hope. To be insane in an insane world, to be a stranger in a strange land, is the true new normal for many people presently wandering upon the face of this troubled planet. How we deal with the insanity determines whether we remain imprisoned, or eventually find our freedom. Blaming others for our present station in life is self-defeating. Yet, that is the first response of an immature mind, a mind not ready and willing to make the necessary adjustments in course to create a new life experience.

Mass hypnosis, oppression, mental illness, drug addiction and alcoholism, and their most destructive spawn, murder and suicide, have been a scourge upon the fabric of human consciousness for time immemorial. Our mental journey far away from Eden begins with the loss of self esteem and mutual respect, loss of personal meaning, and the loss of clarity in making good choices for our life.  This confusion morphs into depression, alienation, isolation, anxiety, despair and loneliness. Suicide, the ultimate act of repression against self, and murder, the ultimate act of oppression of the other, appears as a reasonable choice for the final act of protest against life from those suffering from the terminal effects of oppression and repression.  Suicide and murder are cruel acts against those with loving intentions , and are tragic forms of violence against self, family, friends, and the supporting community.

Suicide and murder are perceived to be the only solution for desperate souls who have reached the end of their options. Our society continues to supply potential perpetrators, and victims,  at a catastrophic rate, and that rate will only increase, as the diseases of planned political divisiveness, oppression of those not in the cultural “in” group, addiction and mental illness within our culture continues to increase. I have known, and buried, far too many friends and family members who were waiting for a better day, and life, while abusing drugs and alcohol, or collapsing into mental illness.

My own “wait for a better day” has born great fruits for me, but the fruit was not acquired passively or through waiting for the outer conditions of my life to improve. I first had to confront my own suffering, and the sources within my mind, memory, and heart that would push me towards self-annihilation. Suffering need not lead to death, for those who choose to awaken.

Life can be an extremely humbling experience. Those blessed few who stop resisting life and develop the capacity to accept “defeat” are the ones most receptive to healing. It is when we are defeated that we become the most open to life affirming change and growth. After accepting the grace innate within the willingness to change, we can accept personal responsibility for the rest of our lives,.  We finally learn that the willingness and capacity for changes in our attitudes and behaviors can become our “higher power”.

When our goal has finally been spotted, or, has spotted us, we each can make our own unique path towards it. The trail that each one of us blazes is as important as any path made by any prophet, saint, or savior who has ever lived, or will live. It is only our ego, or the egos of the hero worshipers of other faiths who have not yet realized their own highest truth that would say otherwise.

To make dramatic changes in my life, the desire had to come from a place deep within myself. I did not change because my wife and family, my friends, my minister at church, my employer, my political leaders, or my “people pleasing” attitudes cajoled or advised me to change. I had to begin to value myself differently, and to become conscious that my behavior was causing irreparable harm to myself, to other human beings, to our animal brothers and sisters, and/or to the sustainability for life on this planet. I understood that my behavior was insane, and that I had a death wish for myself, and/or for others. I sought for a higher power or energy to overcome my insanity.

Bringing healing to a situation is about recognizing what we are not doing well and accepting where we can improve, right now, in this moment, to help unfold more holistic intentions. Positive change follows the Hearts’ intentions, if the Heart is pure. If it is a desire from the Heart, never stop seeking that which seems unattainable, for it is the Heart itself seeking for its own highest expression. Please do not stop until  Life’s Miracle reveals Itself to you.

Built right into the very fabric of life, is death itself.  There are up to one hundred trillion cells within our human bodies that are constantly dying off, and being replaced by others so that we can continue to live, and even evolve (or regress as the situation may dictate).  So also should all of our old thoughts die off, to be replaced by newer, more vibrant creations, if we are to continue to live, and grow, and even evolve.  Those who do not do the work to shed the old ways, the old thoughts, the incomplete and inaccurate ways of seeing life, and being in life, will remain the “poor among us”, and more susceptible to the ravages of disease, aging and deterioration of the mind and body. 

Even though the disease and despair wrought by toxic male energy is woven throughout the collective garment that now covers our humanity, there are many threads of hope interwoven within it, as well, and these threads are our hope for transcendence. Most forms of insanity can be healed without a lifetime of therapy or taking medications, if it is recognized that at its source, insanity arises from the habituated thoughts, feelings, and actions created through our lifelong unconscious accommodations to trauma.

Insight changes attitudes, insight changes behaviors, and insight changes lives. To change my world, I first changed myself, through insight, meditation, making amends to all people who I may have harmed through my insanity, and through carrying the message of recovery and healing to all who are interested in not only hearing my story, but bringing healing to their own lives, as well.

I continue to die daily, to all that is not like my true nature. I do not need pills or philosophical ideas to separate me from life’s goodness. I now see the good that is really good, and all of the illusions of self that others, and the past versions of me, offer up to the world as our daily “prayer offerings’ for its conditional acceptance, or its rejection. Though I lost out on my childhood dreams and goals of becoming a space traveler, to “get off this fucking rock”, I was able to live into a new dream. This “fucking rock” transitioned from a living hell, to becoming more of a peaceful paradise, where I became a more conscious traveler through the infinite regions of inner space, or Consciousness itself. My spiritual launching pad only awaited for me to “let go of the controls” to be catapulted into the unknown, mysterious, transformative and healing potential of the infinite.

My “spirit rocket” now lifts off daily, without the extra encumbrance of religious and cultural conditioning, misunderstanding, judgement, and all of the superstition which impedes spiritual progress. Love and acceptance of myself and all others, INCLUDING ALL ANIMAL LIFE, now unfolds within me as my primary, life affirming propellant. To remain healthy, we must be willing to “punch a Nazi”, figuratively speaking, but not just those projections out of our own wounded past. We instead will be dealing directly with issues that need to be addressed through insight into self, communication with others and/or outright confrontation with the offensive and antagonistic elements within our society still operating under the influence of the chaos and swamp of the collective consciousness that we all arose from.

Always question prevailing attitudes and philosophies of the people in power, be they politicians, employers, pop psychology or spirituality gurus, or religious figures. Healthy skepticism is warranted whenever a person or organization tries to exert pressure on individuals to conform to certain beliefs or traditions. If our internal bullshit detector is sounding off loud and strong, our external voice should be speaking our truth to whatever power is promoting lies or half-truths, thus affirming to all what we know to be true,.  Never sit idly by while witnessing injustice or unfair and hurtful judgement and action meted out by the people in power against innocent people. By your silence, you are supporting the ignorant and the evil doers. They will use your silence to claim that you were in full support of their abhorrent behavior.  Do not join in their conspiracy of silence. 

Taking dominion over the world, and then destroying its wildlife, forests, rivers, oceans, and lands was never part of God’s will. It was always part of a worn out patriarchal attitude that still pollutes human awareness to this day. The greed and self-serving interests of our Christian ancestors has been glorified, and exalted, over and above the preservation of our planet, and the cultivation of harmony between the diverse interests of people on this planet. Our politicians and corporate leaders use our Capitalistic economic system to rape and pillage the Earth, and its people, and all of its life.. The “mark of the beast” is seen daily in the attitudes of those who promote the destruction of our environment, and who incite hatred and enmity between people.

The closer I get to my “God’, or the creator of my creations, the more anonymous that I become, and the more my story becomes about the truth of life, and, a little less about myself..My story may have little or no value to you, yet, there is a story, long neglected within your own heart and soul, patiently awaiting its delivery to our world.  Your world awaits the King or Queen within you ..You only needs to pick up your own unique crown of the truth of being, and wear it with integrity and love.  Take that MAGA hat off, and throw it in the dumpster, the corruption of thought and heart that this hat represents exists at a level far below your real nature.

Never let someone speak for us, we are responsible for bringing our voice into the world, and having it heard. Never take for granted our right to freedom of speech and its expression, both at home and in the marketplace.  Find the way to express yourself without sacrificing your integrity, and stand up tall and strong in the face of any ignorant,  unfair or unwarranted criticism.  You will “cast your pearls before swine”.  Our hard-earned deepest truths have little value to those who are considered hypnotized, which are many of the “civilized” and “normalized” citizens within this diseased culture of ours.  If they cannot see how your wisdom will increase the size of their bank accounts, increase their prestige and popularity, get them more or better sex, or just generally appeal to their ego, it will have little value, except “laughing value”.  “A prophet is never respected in their own hometown”.

Healthy anger at people, situations, politicians, religious figures, and abusive family members is not only acceptable behavior, it is required for honoring the truth of the moment, and to retain spiritual integrity.  Do not follow those well-meaning souls who claim that all anger is hatred, for that is simply not true.  Anger becomes dangerous when it does not naturally arise from the moment, but instead from animal/tribal instinct, memory and religious and cultural conditioning. 

Oppression and repression are birthed through incomplete and prematurely aborted responses to environmental threats.  Institutionalized anger, or hatred,  arises from memory, inadequate education, and emotional immaturity, and can be stoked by politicians and religious leaders with ignorant and evil agendas, and it is dangerous, being the source or racism, war, hatred, alienation, and cultural insanity.  The insight gained through mindful, non-judgemental self examination, is our clew/clue for how to escape the confusing labyrinth of the mind. The clues gained will advise us to avoid the road blocks to enhancing our awareness of Love, and the integrity of our self. The expression of love INCLUDES the conscious expression of anger, whenever it is appropriate. Those who can consciously and skillfully express anger are the game changers for our age. Nearly 80, 000, 000 Americans appropriately expressed their anger at a corrupt president through their vote for an alternative. 3000 Americans expressed their anger on January 6, 2021 in a self-destructive manner.

I remain concerned about the “unaware ignorance” that is so prevalent within many sections of our society, including elements within the American Christian church. Using a church to get to the truth and beauty of Life can be like using an old Volkswagen Beetle to drive around the world, with a worn out, outdated map. Though Christianity brings a form of comfort with its historical and cultural familiarity to all, for many of us it is a clumsy vehicle for consciousness, with much too philosophically restrictive, time dependent dogma that even postpones “heaven” into a fantasy future after death, with no guarantee that anybody will ever spiritually ascend, no matter how much we try to match “what Jesus would do”, or what the other “prophets” would advise us to do.

Mysticism is at the core of all true religions. Each of us is a mystic, should we shed the oppressive and repressive energies of familial, cultural and religious conditioning. Each one of us should become the leader of our own internal movement towards truth, beauty, love, intelligence, awe, wonder, grace, and miracles. What is the difference between the “mind of God” and the “mind of man”? Ah, the answer is there, for you to discover for yourself. You should never just accept my answers, without your own deepest inquiries into your own personal truth.

It is revealing to note how the experience of “enlightenment” allows for the love for all people, and respect for all love based philosophies, yet promotes no dogma, religion or philosophy, as such, for its own support. The prerequisites are a desire for change, self-honesty, insight, mindfulness, meditation, and the developed ability to see beyond the controlling mirages of cultural and religious conditioning. Yet, religions, and their followers, tend to strongly move in tight circles around their own adherents and practices, and often exclude others from their spiritual “inner circles”. And those who point to the benefits of non-religious, spiritual enlightenment are regarded suspiciously, and, in some cases, as manifestations of Satan, or are seen as Infidels, by those who claim to be “religious”.

This meandering story has presented a small portion of my own journey towards healing. As each individual is unique, please do not use my experience to minimize, or maximize, your own. We must eventually find our own direction for life, and not only learn how to think for ourselves, but also to learn how to think and feel with others. We can truly be one with others in a non-controlling, NON-JUDGMENTAL manner, and be with each other with compassion and in communion. It is healthy to acknowledge that we all need each other.

I can’t do this life alone, nor would I ever want that for myself. We are here to help and support each other, and to love each other. Each moment can either be a new beginning, or just the continuation of a painful past where all of human suffering arises from. It is our choice as to how we will experience this moment. I must be willing to travel new paths of consciousness, and never to become too attached to any particular memory, or teacher and their teachings, as it is up to me to work out my own “salvation”. When I let go of the controls, including my own internalized forms of institutionalized thoughts, when I let go of time based thoughts and expectations, when I respect the truth that many times the presence and wisdom of the Great Unknown, rather than just more information and knowledge, is what I am best fed with, that is when I am truly trusting the life force which has always supported me, whether I have recognized its presence or not.

While incarnated into human form, with our poorly illuminated human minds, we can only witness the projections of our minds. All that we will ever see, unto whatever eternity that we can possibly conceive of, is our self, so the most important question for each day is “how will I see myself today?” The answer to that question determines whether I can see through the eyes of the truth of this moment, or just the limited eyes of the past. Each person that I meet either is one of the infinite manifestations of God, deserving ultimate respect and love, or they become just another dead illusion of my aging, conditioned mind.

Why would anyone just settle for the “finger pointing at the moon” or the verbal description, when one could walk upon its very surface, and be one with it?  Sucking more meaning out of someone else’s “finger” will never replace the direct personal experience of our deepest desire, the underlying truth of our own nature. Be ever vigilant with the internalized image of anything, or anyone. Note how the desire for the image, rather than the truth that underlies it, will attempt to take precedence, and will distort one’s view of the world. The image plays to a small part of fragmented being where the search for pleasure and the avoidance of pain rule our decisions, whereas the truth plays through the wholeness of all beings, uniting us in a collaborative, uniting experience..

Lust, greed, selfishness, hatred, and judgement of all others unlike oneself all play to the structure of internalized individualized images. Seeing each other through wholeness and love and thus disempowering the fragmenting images, which is another way of saying “giving forgiveness” allows for right action and healing in the otherwise chaotic and broken world created within the mind of individual self. The ultimate truth is that “you can’t be real”. For in God’s eyes, there is only one self, one love, one existence, with an infinitude of manifestations. There is no room for “you and me” in ultimate truth, though we must continue to make room for that “illusion” in the relative truth of this world, through practicing forgiveness and letting go, until the final ascension into “enlightenment” or complete spiritual understanding.

Finding the true connecting link is the journey into wholeness that our human race must undertake, if it is to survive. When we see our brother and sister as our own self, then we are home. This connecting link is not to be found through our digital devices, or through our “best thinking” or philosophies. It will unfold when we learn how to no longer think time based thoughts, but, instead, eternity based thoughts. That is the only place where Unity will ever be experienced. To see eternity, is to first witness the self without fear and judgement, and then see through the illusions of self to the Heart of Truth.

MOUNTAINS IN THE DESERT

While in realization of Truth,

God’s High Mount is found to be just another illusion to climb

The idea infects like a virus to control the innocent, and all fearful, desirous minds.

The non-illuminated, restless mind remains forever devoid of Love’s Rhyme and Truth’s Reason

With its fruitless chasing of desert mirages,

Until it looks within, and sees the movements that are guilty of treason.

The quickest way to prepare for the new world order (which was once the old world order, by the way) is to get outside of the house, the computer, the movie theater, the Facebook pages, etc. and start getting acquainted with the great outdoors. Once we are free from the encumbrances of our daily lives, we may be more receptive to the call of our spirit. We are not connected to God through our technology. In fact, most of our media related technology has separated us from the quiet state of being that allows God’s will to be readily accepted into consciousness.

Our mother Earth, Gaia is a living being, and is the true “son-daughter of God”. And yes, we are children of that sacred child. God’s face is seen clearly, once the detritus of human misunderstanding is moved aside long enough so that Reality may emerge, once again.

We need a real awakening, enlightenment, to change our way of thinking and seeing things. To breathe in and be aware of your body and look deeply into it, realise you are the Earth and your consciousness is also the consciousness of the Earth.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Technology is only a tool, though it has become another new world religion, a way of life for far too many people. Our country, and our world, shows the collective effects of falling far short of meeting or even acknowledging the existence of our spiritual needs, or attempting to meet our spiritual needs through illusory processes. Most of our media devices have continued the promotion and distribution of cultural hypnosis, and most people continue to be separated from a greater good through that process. The world exists in a state of hypnosis, and it is easy to see that truth when the mind finally takes itself off of the grid of shared cultural and religious misunderstanding. We can pull our eyes off of the phone display for a moment, and engage the person next to us in conversation. We will all benefit from the exchange. We do not benefit in any spiritual or social way by remaining glued to our phones.

Someday the rest of the world will wake up, and realize that all of our technology is only a symbol for the true power that we all have access to, if we only were to fully explore the full range of our consciousness. My closed mind and heart was eternally grounded, and would have NEVER freed itself from darkness’ grasp, until I accepted personal responsibility for the brokenness, and self-destructive and other-destructive life that I had co-created for myself and with others, see the damage that those illusions caused, and became willing to have a different, more spiritually oriented type of life experience. Freedom may not be for everybody now, but it certainly is for me, now, and for all of eternity. I am grateful for my wife Sharon White, who shares in the new/old insight. May all sentient beings be freed from their suffering. But first, all sentient beings must become conscious enough to be aware of the options available to free themselves from their suffering. Pay attention to the man behind the curtain! Get to know him at the deepest level. And then, don’t give up finding truth, beauty, and love until the real Miracle appears in your own life, OK?

Like my father asked, when I was nearly four years old, and finally learned how to talk,

“Will that boy ever run out of things to talk about?” and

“Bruce, would you please shut up!”

Once I started talking I proved that I had the capacity for speech, and A LOT OF IT. Both of my parents wondered, at times, if I would ever shut up. Once a person touches Consciousness, Infinity is the limit to our potential.  Yet, my own voice disappeared, after many years of oppression, and repression. The long-term oppressive effects of the conspiracy of silence that plagues most men will continue to limit our potential to experience happiness and longevity, and love for our life.  That certainly was the case for my own life, and nearly eventuated in my early death at thirty years of age.

I am humbled and amazed by both the miracle eternally embedded in SACRED SILENCE, as well as its bridge to human consciousness through the Word. May the Word take a form unique to each of us in all of lives, and lift all of us together into a unity of love, thought, action, and a new shared story of world healing and wholeness.  May the Word spontaneously arise from our SACRED SILENCE, and not from the chaos of our troubled past. As I contemplate the entirety of my life, I see a simple truth arising from the complexities of the details. Silence born of ignorance and oppression brings suffering and disease. Silence born of healing brings joy and love into the world. This same Silence brings forth the capacity to listen with the heart for the deepest meaning embedded within All of Life, in All of Its infinitude of forms, and return the dignity back to each sacred manifestation of life. Is anybody really listening to each other?

Those who have learned how to really listen, hear the “voice for God”. And, we finally get to live in the creation that Love provides for us all, when we accept Love’s vision as our own.

And, no, Father, in whatever form Father may take, I will never “shut up”

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

We all have had problems listening to each other. We all have had problems listening to ourselves. Yet, our stories must be told, and we must listen to the “other’s” story, with respect and compassion for ourselves, and for the other. Every good story has an ending. And, so do our bad stories. What value is a story, if it is never told? What value is love, if it is never shared? What is the value of speaking, if nobody is even listening? What is the value of writing, if there is nobody left to read? We all have infinite value, whether it is ever recognized by another, or not. Discover, enjoy and celebrate INFINITY, rather than the limitations thrust upon us by the deafness of our culture and of our families of origin.

Sing your song, like your life depended on it, BECAUSE, IT DOES! All of our lives depend on each others stories. Those who will not listen to our story, and in turn, will not share their own story with us, are still stuck in their own story of repression and oppression. They are still unconscious participants in the Conspiracy Of Silence.

The sun shines, and the artist interprets its light upon the beautiful landscape, and paints a classic piece of art. The wolf howls in the lonely, cold, snow-covered wilderness, and, miraculously, another wolf a great distance away howls back at him, reassuring both that each other is still there. The bird sings alone in the forest, yet, a hiker stops for a moment, listens, and her heart begins to sing and soar with the bird. The divorced and lonely man sings in the shower, and the salesman at the door hears him, and is so impressed by the man’s voice that he encourages him to try out for a local band. An isolated man stumbles upon the miracle of silence within his being, and a resultant bridge of words subsequently connects this sacred silence to his latest writings, creating beloved poetry and healing balms for all. As I look at my life’s history, I bear witness to Love and its healing Mystery.

I have penetrated the Conspiracy of Silence, and I have lived well beyond my expiration date.  My “miracle experiment” continues in earnest. My world can never be the same

How about yours?

Blessed Longing, by Goethe (Translated by John O’Donohue)
Tell no one else, only the wise
For the crowd will sneer at one I wish to praise what is fully alive,
What longs to flame toward death.
When the calm enfolds the love-nights
That created you, where you have created
A feeling from the Unknown steals over you
While the tranquil candle burns.
You remain no longer caught In the penumbral gloom
You are stirred and new, you desire To soar to higher creativity.
No distance makes you ambivalent.
You come on wings, enchanted In such hunger for light, you
Become the butterfly burnt to nothing.
So long as you have not lived this:
To die is to become new,
You remain a gloomy guest On the dark earth.
Categories: Musings

Bruce

Presently, I am 67 years old, and I am learning how to live the life of a retired person. I am married to Sharon White, a retired hospice nurse, and writer. Whose Death Is It Anyway-A Hospice Nurse Remembers Sharon is a wonderful friend and life partner of nearly 30 years. We have three grandsons through two of Sharon's children. I am not a published writer or poet. My writings are part of my new life in retirement. I have recently created a blog, and I began filling it up with my writings on matters of recovery and spirituality. I saw that my blog contained enough material for a book, so that is now my new intention, to publish a book, if only so that my grandsons can get to know who their grandfather really was, once I am gone. The title for my first book will be: Penetrating The Conspiracy Of Silence, or, How I Lived Beyond My Expiration Date I have since written 7 more books, all of which are now posted on this site. I have no plans to publish any of them, as their material is not of general interest, and would not generate enough income to justify costs. I have taken a deep look at life, and written extensively about it from a unique and rarely communicated perspective. Some of my writing is from 2016 on to the present moment. Other writing covers the time prior to 1987 when I was a boy, then an addict and alcoholic, with my subsequent recovery experience, and search for "Truth". Others are about my more recent experiences around the subjects of death, dying, and transformation, and friends and family having the most challenging of life's experiences. There are also writings derived from my personal involvement with and insight into toxic masculinity, toxic religion, toxic capitalism, and all of their intersections with our leadere. These topics will not be a draw for all people, as such personal and/or cultural toxicities tends to get ignored, overlooked, or "normalized" by those with little time for insight, introspection, or interest in other people's points of view on these troubling issues. There also will be a couple of writings/musings about "GOD", but I try to limit that kind of verbal gymnastics, because it is like chasing a sunbeam with a flashlight. Yes, my books are non-fiction, and are not good reading for anybody seeking to escape and be entertained. Some of the writings are spiritual, philosophical and intellectual in nature, and some descend the depths into the darkest recesses of the human mind. I have included a full cross section of all of my thoughts and feelings. It is a classic "over-share", and I have no shame in doing so. A Master Teacher once spoke to me, and said "no teacher shall effect your salvation, you must work it out for yourself". "Follow new paths of consciousness by letting go of all of the mental concepts and controls of your past". This writing represents my personal work towards that ultimate end.