Chapter 10 Book #8: There Is Something Fundamental Here

In the complete seeing of a problem, insights are derived pointing to solutions  for its resolution and to ultimate liberation from their damaging imprisoning effects—-Elisha Scott.

“There is something fundamental here!”

The trapped energy of a lifetime was released. I became aware of a pain so deep, and so all-encompassing, resulting in an anger from a source that I had never touched before, at least as a verbally conscious human being.  One of the fundamental trauma seed packets, compartmentalized and buried in the fertile unconscious soil within myself, had finally sprouted, spreading its explosive growth from over sixty years of pent up emotional energy.

Sharon and I went our separate ways for a few hours, while we both tried to understand what the heck had just transpired. Leading up to this experience, I had been intensely exploring the entirety of my life experience, having written 70 pages about my early childhood, maturation process, addictive and self-destructive cycles, and glimpses into higher possibilities for living. All of this writing had placed me, without me realizing it, into the psychic world of all of my past pain and suffering.

After a meditation, I had a realization. My wounded essence had actually cried out for the first time and I actually listened to it, without my ego repressing it as it had for 61 years. And I also saw, for the first time, the wounding process that I shared with my father. I felt an incredible compassion, love, and acceptance for my father, who had also suffered immensely under the spiritually destructive parenting of his own diseased parents.

I finally had experienced the most basic nameless suffering of an ignored child, or baby, and I have now given it verbal description:

MY VOICE IS WORTHLESS, I HAVE NO VALUE.  I MUST BE ALONE IN THIS WORLD.

My wife Sharon paid the price for a couple of hours, while I re-birthed the wounded baby within me. But, I had an insight that still informs me daily.

I began to see how we, as humans, keep layering ourselves and our ideas upon what somebody else is saying, rather than meeting the being where they are, and responding according to the dictates of our “heart center”, which in most people, ESPECIALLY MEN, has been scabbed over by our own early spiritual wounding. Men typically inflict their own wounding on everybody else, in subtle, or not so subtle ways. Usually, this manifests in dominating, or being dominated, by others. Philosophies of oppression, and of the monetization of reality, arise out of this wounding. Women are usually victimized, or those with sensitive natures.

When our personalities have been formed by the layering of our egos upon the “unnamed, unrecognized dark energy”, we end up with an energy exchange dynamic where we “project” our dysfunction onto others, and make them wrong for it, not recognizing that we were the source of our misplaced judgement.

We just can’t quiet our minds long enough to listen with our hearts to what is being said, and respond accordingly with our heart. We are much too eager to respond with ego programmed responses, which, typically, are based on incomplete perceptions or someone else’s ‘knowledge’, and it remains our attempt to control other’s experience through linking our own unhealed energy with their own.

In our attempt to be “heard”, we instead try to program people, unconsciously, to behave and react more in accordance with our expectations. When they don’t (they rarely do, unless they are our impressionable young children), we are very disappointed, and feel rejected, and, in the absolute, we feel betrayed by the sum total of exchanges between the parties.

“There is something fundamental here.”

As a baby, my parents placed a blanket around my baby body, and deposited me in a car in their garage so that my father could get at least 5 hours of sleep a night. My father was “chasing the American Dream”, and worked two jobs at the time.

I don’t need to remind any of my loved ones of the profoundly damaging effects of denying love and interactive time to a developing human being. What I might need to remind myself at times is that others, no matter what their age, or how much that I think that I know them, deserve my undivided attention, as they attempt to reveal who they are in this moment.

It is funny, sometimes when I share some of my creative work, I get the very strong impression that some important people in my life just don’t have the time to listen.

Another clue about our own, or other’s listening intention, is when we try to share a profound life event, and are immediately run over by another with more knowledge of the subject. Sometimes we, or the other, either have too much book knowledge, we have the certificate, we already have read about it on the internet, we have memorized something from a class that we already took, or we have a friend who has already “been there, done that!”

If I do not want to grow anymore, I will stop listening to what others are really trying to say. If i don’t want to be of service to my fellow-man/woman, I can just stop listening to what they are trying to express, and just layer my own point of view, or even ignorance and judgement, over somebody else, and not let them reveal to me who they Really Are in this special moment.  Many of our leaders, be they family heads, politicians, CEO’s of corporations, and cult and religious leaders, are masters at this.

Please don’t inflict this same treatment on the ones you love. It is like putting a blanket around our heart and soul, and putting us into the car, so that those with a dehumanizing or monetizing philosophy can continue to oppress others, while keeping themselves spiritually asleep. We all deserve to be listened to. We all have the potential of creating damaging impacts to our relationships with others by merely not taking the time to listen with our hearts, to the other’s deepest meaning.   We are all developing human beings, no matter what our age. And, we are all God’s children, and God speaks through us, whether we can hear the “truth”, or not. Sometimes the “truth” is so difficult to hear, that we shut down emotionally, and we either ignore what is said, or substitute our own story for what the “other” is trying to communicate.

My parents and my culture told me to become the best person that I could be. Yet, they insisted that I make do with their standards of understanding and behavior, adapt to it somehow, and to live my life with it.  The trauma packets planted into my consciousness by my parents and my culture guarantee only a continuation of our human history of division and dysfunction, rather than encourage attainment of our full potential for health, love, joy, and true purpose.

My mother, who had not yet recognized that she was being oppressed and had options to break free from it, had not yet unleashed her innate feminine power and her powerful voice.  She ultimately found herself, and her voice later in life, as did myself.  We both had to overcome our culture’s primary oppressor, and source for most traumatic behavior, the toxic man.

My relationship with my father had created much of the irregularities in the foundation for my own vision of life and of love, especially in my youth. My father showed to me, in a perfect way, what a potential end point looks like from a lifetime lacking in true collaboration and emotional integrity while sharing life force with others. My father achieved many of his goals in life, yet at what cost did they come to him, and to the people who he may have influenced and over which he exerted control? And, what is the cost to a society that blindly plows forward while supporting ideals that traumatize our innocents, threaten the dignity of others, and do not conform to the development of all of its citizen’s highest nature, and truth?

I saw how my own father’s ignorance and needs early in my childhood negatively impacted my own mind’s formation. There was a revelation within me that as a result of my father’s sometimes toxic influence in my life, I had unwittingly and unconsciously created fundamental internal feedback mechanisms that contributed to my personal dysfunction, and my unskilled interactions with our world. My father represented, in a perfect way, how my life experience had become overshadowed by the needs and concerns of our culture, and its own unconscious needs to dominate, control, and oppress, especially those who did not conform to its often conflicted, twisted values. A manifestation of this was that my father had difficulty, in times of great stress, in recognizing the intrinsic value of all life, including my baby self, and my essence as a young boy.  I can think of no greater source of trauma, than having one’s innocence attacked and damaged by the parent through their ignorance or planned malevolence,

Most of what I know about myself, and my reactions to the world, was created by my fundamental relationship with my parents. My sense of self in my early years revolved around internalizing many of my parents’ attitudes. I was acutely aware of what my mother and father expected from me, what I could or could not give back to them to attempt to please them, and my defense mechanisms for managing the fallout when I failed to please them. Beginning early in my life, I also developed the desire to protect them and myself from the results of the conflict that arose in our house, either when I made yet another mistake, or when father overreacted to any situation that brought a sense of fear or threat into the home environment. I developed a need to balance whatever energy was being over expressed at any particular moment, and I was very unskilled at those kind of efforts.  I learned the power of the lie to deflect negative attention from myself. But the biggest revelation was that I had internalized and normalized two incomplete creations, or tricksters as I now call them, of who I thought my father and mother were, which were to become sources of self-talk and feedback for me as a child, and then as an unconscious adult.

But a most compelling and controlling dark agenda that I had either created or inherited revolved around my self worth. Through the history of my relationship with my parents while very young, in addition to whatever fundamental and universal factors that are innate through being alive and aware in human consciousness, I had created BLACK HOLES in my developing mind.

I found that fundamental cores to my personal dysfunction, like poor self esteem and fear, worked together to create self destructive agendas, and these black holes certainly sucked all of the light out of my life. . It was around these powerful cores that the whole of my consciousness swirled around, as if drawn and disfigured by distinct, though interconnected, black holes of negative influence.

The human race has a predisposition towards creating “black hole events” where no light (love, compassion, empathy, healing thoughts) escapes from our consciousness. These events occur especially during times of collective distress including mass hypnosis and the resultant mob mind activity that leads to wars, genocide, racism, xenophobia, hysteria, misanthropy, ageism, sexism, and collective fear in general.  These also occur as a result of traumatic injuries to ourselves, as a result of the incomplete responses to the capricious actions of others and to the vicissitudes of life.

We, as individuals, have a real talent for creating black hole events within our personal worlds, as well. Our concepts of time and space certainly get distorted, as present day events occurring in our lives get distorted within our minds by traumatic events of our past, or black holes of past influence through which the light of our ever unfolding present moment of life gets sucked into the darkness of a singularity point of a traumatic event from our past. I remained tethered to a past that never should have been through this very process, creating the phenomenon of a dark nostalgia..

Our minds are the generators of consciousness, which simply stated, means our brains generate internal feedback, develop and support our own internal self-concept, create internal imagery associated with our understanding of the “outer world” and support our verbal relationships with and actions towards all others. We attempt to match the “outer reality” by forming internal verbal and emotional linkages within ourselves, and this helps us to stay relevant and abiding within some measure of resonance and continuity with our perceived external universe or community that we presently share with others.

This light that we internally emit, and eventually share with our worlds either through action or verbal expression, is influenced dramatically by our own secret, internal agendas, whether we are conscious of those agendas, or not. While these agendas remain unconscious, they become the equivalent to our own internal black holes. All streams of consciousness that our minds and hearts attempt to express become trapped in the swirling vortices of these powerful forces, and these internal black holes continue to influence virtually every aspect of our lives. And, if not dealt with consciously and carefully, these black holes will eventually draw all of our internal light into them, and we become unwitting agents of our own internal darkness.

To repress or deny these internal forces is to continue to feed them. As we get in touch with our fears, angers, hatreds, or whatever name for manifesting darkness that we might give to them, it is important to realize that these are great forces, and once they are harnessed, NOT REPRESSED OR DENIED, these black holes will continue to keep us connected to the real world, and, as we transmute their energy, the light within us uses these once dark energies for the good of ourselves, and for all mankind.

It was around these cores that the whole of my consciousness swirled around, as if drawn and disfigured by two distinct, though interconnected, loci of negative influence. These dark masses of influence interacted with my internalized representations of my parents, and I now posit that these forces are the precursors to all manners and types of mental illness, including anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, and multiple personality disorder.

My major black holes created powerful forces of control, which contributed to my sense of powerlessness, anxiety, depression, loneliness, and isolation. One aspect is that my voice will never be heard, and because my voice has not been heard, I have no value.  An aspect of fear is that I must be alone in this universe, with only death awaiting me. Insight finally reveals that these two dark tricksters are actually connected, and are a direct result of failure to be fully integrated as a complete, healthy human being. This formative consciousness is certainly not the foundation for healthy relationship with the world.

These vortices drew all of my internal light towards themselves, and by the time that those internal “singularity points” worked their dark magic to their fullness, I actually flirted with the end of my own life. Such is the way these black hole events can influence and control our lives, making peace of mind and positive, loving connections with others virtually impossible.

The black holes may remain, even after making profound spiritual and emotional changes. Their dark influence, however, continues to recede, once there is a committed intention to stay connected with insight and spiritual healing, where all true light comes from. As I strive to stay balanced internally, so shall my walk through the rest of my life remain balanced, as well. Insight keeps these forces balanced internally, so that the spirit of wholeness within us can utilize our energy in more sane and mutually beneficial ways.

And, for more than one of us, these black holes are eventually transformed into “white holes”, where no darkness can escape, and all of our experience becomes enlightened. We can’t short-circuit this process, by just substituting the pleasant-sounding “spiritual froth ” produced by other great spiritual thinkers, and trying to layer those messages over our unexamined inner universe. Well meaning advocates of this process become unwitting contributors to the repression, and oppression, of the Human Spirit. It is only after we do the real inner work, that these teachers can assume their rightful position in our consciousness, as fellow travelers on the path to Truth, which has no final destination. Our most profound words and thoughts only present the illusion of a “final resting place”, when, in fact, truth is eternally unfolding into each moment as a brand new, unique manifestation.

I have my moments with the “white holes”, and I continue to strive for experiencing this phenomenon with both increased frequency and intensity. A path of insight and meditation is quite helpful, and association with others who share in this new reality has been shown to produce almost miraculous results. If this experience is to become our real new reality, then there is work to do! Please, let us not rest on another person’s “spiritual laurels”, for by this culturally and religiously ingrained process we will be delayed in finding our True Passion.

I had an experience with a mystical “white hole”, as we prepared to hike to Lookinglass Lake at Mt. Adams.  I awoke one morning during August of 1992, and finished preparing to leave on a weekend hiking and camping trip with Sharon, up to the Mt. Adams Wilderness Area.  My senses were somehow heightened, and I felt as though I could see and hear better than I was accustomed to.  Food tasted better, the air carried many more scents, and my entire body felt alive with vitality, and sensation, well beyond what I was accustomed to experiencing in my day to day life.  I had to work that day, so I ignored my “extra sensory perception” for most of the work day, and I remained excited about joining with my beloved partner on an overnight backpacking trip to Lookinglass Lake, which would end up becoming around a 10 mile hike, in one direction.

Our drive took longer than expected, and we arrived in the wilderness area too late to reach the developed campground, which was to be our base camp, so we parked for the night in a snow park area, and set up our tent to shelter for the evening.  We sat outside of the tent, and I began to experience, in its fullness, that “extrasensory perception” yet again, but much more profoundly this time. It was as if I had sensory receptors in the dirt, the sky, and the trees. I had grown roots, so to speak. I not only could see the ground all around us, and the beautiful trees, and the sky, I could FEEL the ground, and it was as if I extended all the way through everywhere that I could see.  It was the experience, in a new form, of “all that I can see is myself”.  It was like I was “hearing” and “seeing” and “feeling” for all of nature that surrounded us, and it was a profound, mystical event.

We finally lay down for the evening in our tent, and though I was still having a transcendental experience, I was able to fall asleep in the tent beside Sharon.  Shortly afterward, I awoke to a disturbance outside of our tent, and I arose to go outside to see what was happening.  In the sky appeared a Great Light, and the entire surrounding area was bathed in a light that totally eliminated all shadows, even though it was near midnight!  I awoke Sharon, who rose to witness the light.  To this day, I have no clue if the light is associated with my “heightened mystic awareness”, or if it was just a coincidence that a UFO would awaken us to bathe us in its radiance.  After we returned home, I told my mother about the light, and she reported that the week before, a mysterious light in the Mt Adams wilderness area was also reported in the news, so who knows what was happening there?

Looking back at my life’s history, I remain immersed in the light of its Mystery.

After the death of my father in 2017, I had the privilege and challenge of reading and sorting through a lifetime worth of writings and papers from my parents, and from myself.  After reading some of my mother’s personal writings, I was struck by the pain and suffering that she experienced remaining married to my father.  He was not a person with the soft touch, when it came to communicating with those that he loved, especially during challenging/difficult periods of life.  He was what those in the field of recovery refer to as a “dry drunk”.  He was a poor listener, and he could be opinionated, judgemental, angry, obnoxious, overly competitive, and hurtful. He was a member of a huge class of human beings now known as toxic males, and his behavior was to become a major influence for my own choices for how I was to present myself to the world

The death of my father ended the era of subservience to his needs, and to my need to protect my mother from my perception of his aggression towards her. It also ended the era of incomplete grieving for my own mother’s death, as I had to immediately support my mentally deteriorating father when mother died, and I had never completely worked through the grieving process. I was finally an “orphan”, and all of the entanglements that kept me wound around their lives were now physically removed. With my fathers’ spirit no longer overshadowing my own life, I was allowed to develop more fully into whatever, or whoever I am.

For me this was an extraordinary release, because the formation of my sense of self was influenced by parental bonding issues just after birth, and through my first 4-5 years. Being placed on “formula” right after birth, and being placed in a chilly car in the garage at night so that my father could sleep better (I was just another “damned crying baby”) left me as a young being feeling abandoned, and lonely, from the beginning. Though I loved my parents, I certainly did not want to grow up and be like them, and inflict this pain on innocent children. Yet, I was not able to offer to my developing self a viable alternative to being like my father, being extremely limited creatively, and my resultant dull, though at times insightful, personality reflected that darkness. Coping mechanisms such as passive/aggressive behavior became my normal response to the daily challenges of life. Toxic masculinity, or, more precisely, an unskilled capacity to relate to people in a peaceful and mutually accepting manner, was to become a defining characteristic of my life.

I came to perceive the collective impact of male unconsciousness upon my individual existence, with some insight into my own father’s sometimes toxic involvement in my own mind’s formation. I saw that the two tricksters roaming through the inner recesses of my heart and soul gave me limited guidance and kept me from being lonely as a young being, yet kept me from developing into my greater good as an independent, free human being.

In our world, there are countless examples of “self organizing systems”, and all creatures, and the minds of those creatures, are examples of that miracle in action. Our bodies appear to be primarily organized through the pattern created by the history of the human species, and it’s interactions with its earthly environment. Our DNA appears to carry that pattern within our very cells.

Our minds also have a self-organizing principle, as it organizes itself into our unique personal sense of being. The activity of self-organization in consciousness is the greatest mystery of life. The greatest story that I have read around this mysterious process is that which was recounted about the life of Helen Keller. As a young person, she had lost her sight and hearing, and she could not develop the capacity to communicate. As a mute, she appeared to be living a basic life characteristic of many intelligent animals. but not having the ability to communicate with her world. When her teacher was finally able to show her that the letters W A T E R, represented both the substance that she drank, and that which she was bathed in, she had an insight, or a revelation. And, according to Helen, the perception of the word water, as associated with the physical experience of water, initiated her own self awareness. Literally, Helen was birthed as an ego as a direct result of understanding this one word WATER in her mind. Of course Helen went on to become a beloved author, political activist, and lecturer.

Parents are always quite pleased when their children speak their first words, and they then know that they have a viable, healthy child. Usually, the first word is “Mom”, but it can be others. The initial words become the initial organizing energy around which the developing being initiates the launch sequence into consciousness itself. In biblical terms, the word becomes flesh, and dwells among us. It is a mystery of why and how this process actually works, and neuroscientists continue to study the brain, and the human mind, as they attempt the impossible, to locate the physical source of our sense of self.

Sociologists and psychologists have found that healthy integration of self revolves around how well the organism feels accepted by, and connected to the environment that the young person travels through. Thus, happier senses of self arise, and are supported, by myriads of “successful” interactions with its social and physical environment and, giving positive, life affirming names to those experiences. First and foremost is the beings’ acceptance and integration into the primary family cell, or group. If we do not get the requisite positive feedback early on, we face tremendous odds against forming a happy, well-adjusted self organizing principle, or ego.

I never chose this uneven life path of recovery from trauma, life chose it for me. I choose how to deal with the sights along the way, however.

The amygdala in our brains under duress from trauma creates new paths, leading in unhealthy directions, when these issues that arise through trauma are not promptly dealt with honestly and openly. For me, my number one intention for facilitating healing of myself is to avoid situations or people where poor communication and suppression of human emotions has become ‘normalized’. There are guaranteed negative outcomes associated with those interactions which have resulted in secondary damage and the potential for profound anxiety attacks.

It really is distressing to experience the fear of losing my mind and sanity, the light-headed spaciness, extra fear around health issues, and the all around sense of discomfort and disease of being in a disturbed state of mind, and being. It came to me in cycles for several months, with about two to three weeks of reprieve, followed by two or three troubling days. This coming from a man who knew perfect peace and harmony for most of the last 30 years of my life.

I began to experience the “BIG THREE” of depression, anxiety, and the occasional panic attack, in the latter part of 2017, beginning about two weeks after the death of my father, and three weeks after the death of my friend Marty.  I gained intimate knowledge of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, making me a personal expert in these matters, albeit a reluctant one. It is inappropriate to keep these issues secret, as I tend to be as sick as the secrets that I attempt to keep. Remaining unconscious and victimized by these conditions is not a helpful option for me now, or anytime.

I took various steps to help me make strides towards my own healing, complementing my work in mindfulness, insight, meditation, and forgiveness.

The following have been found to be helpful for me:

• 1). Seeking “professional help” from therapists or physicians/surgeons as required,
• 2). exercise (such as yoga, with emphasis on proper breathing techniques),
• 3). immersion in Nature (walks through parks, forests, deserts, etc. as available),
• 4). meditation (listening to relaxing music is useful, if the mind will not quiet on its own),
• 5). getting plenty of rest/sleep (not automatic or easy when in anxious states. Use of melatonin and non-caffeinated relaxation tea prior to bed is helpful),
• 6). honest and open communication with friends and family (hanging around people with positive, loving attitudes and behaviors is important),
• 7). insight (and taking my inventory, to use the parlance of 12 step groups),
• 8). prayer (focused intention/thought energy for personal and collective change, for those so inclined),
• 9). service to others who are less fortunate, and
• 10). medication (if necessary) can be helpful. Ibuprofen is effective for anxiety, as well as (in the short term) some “heavier hitters” such as Ativan and Xanax, or anti-depressants (FYI, I can’t stand Xanax).
• 11). avoiding obvious anxiety producing behaviors, like excess coffee consumption, eating sugar or high carbohydrate mix foods excessively, or over booking my day-to-day life,
• 12). continue to allow feelings to naturally arise, with no judgement.
• 13). continue without shame and guilt any unfinished emotional business, such as grieving for the loss of loved ones.
• 14). watch a few good comedies, or go see a good comedian (lighten up!)
• 15). Go to live music performances, and enjoy the presence of powerful positive group energy.
• writing into a personal journal, or a blog

Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a name given to one powerful variation of related symptoms, and therapy and techniques developed for its healing may be appropriate, as well (a form of acupressure called the “tapping” technique is quite helpful).

Posting to Facebook, with the hope or expectation that somebody who cares might read a posting and give meaningful feedback, is unrealistic, and can potentially be dangerous, depending on the state of mind of the writer at the time of posting. It is best to have friends and connections who respond directly, preferably in person, where our humanity shines the brightest and has the most healing potential. Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, or whatever other media vehicle that one may employ for communication in isolation just cannot get the job done, PERIOD. Just passing time without helping myself would never have allowed for sufficient healing either.

As I moved toward and through healing, more compassion towards myself and others became a treasured outcome. The absence of self and other forgiveness only perpetuates the anxiety cycle, and keeps the black holes created by early trauma energized.

Our brains, and our bodies, have evolved over many billions of years of presence upon our sacred planet Earth.  Our brains have several crucial independent, though interrelated, sectors, that help up to adapt to our changing physical, emotional, and spiritual environments.  Yet, each sector of the brain has evolved for fairly specific intent, and the need to protect ourselves, act appropriately to our fear response, adapt and adjust to changing social conditions, and develop and refine our oversight capacity in our neo-cortex to oversee all of our mental activities (mindfulness and insight) point to our extraordinary capacity to recognize our present situation, and offer solutions to whatever problems that we may presently be experiencing.  Yet these subroutines are often in conflict with each other, and will require an extraordinary desire to bring balance to these sometimes conflicting internal subroutines of brain consciousness.  And, the time bomb of unexamined trauma is a most dangerous subroutine which causes the mind to remain in a loop, rather than free to explore infinity.

For those who still suffer, please save yourself.  Do not despair, and do not give up until the Miracle appears in your own life, We are true miracles in consciousness, and this can express itself in the material world, as well.  We can lift ourselves out of whatever suffering we are presently experiencing, without begging and beseeching some unknown and far-distant God or Savior.  Chasing Jesus’s or the Buddha’s  friendly ghost will not carry the heroic healer to the promised land. We must be present to first save our real Self, and then we can help each other.

All that we see, have seen, and will ever see, unto eternity, is our Self.  If our Self is limited by traumatic wounding, which controls our reality by tethering us to an awkward past, what we see will not bring to us fulfillment, joy, and healing.  If, however, we have let go of those controls, and embarked upon new paths of healing consciousness, we will see more clearly, and, in the ultimate, see as God sees.

Then share with the world this healing vision!

The Black And The White Dog

One evening, a Cherokee elder was teaching his grandson about life.

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“A fight is going on inside me,”

 

he said to the boy.:

 

“It is a terrible fight, and it is between two wolves. This battle that goes on between the two wolves is inside us all.  One wolf is Evil. He is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

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He continued:

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“The other is Good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

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The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:

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“Which wolf will win?”

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Wisely, the grandfather simply smiled and replied:

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“The one you feed.”