Birthday Message 2023

Published by Bruce on

It is sometimes a dangerous, though potentially enlightening, question to ponder.

“What’s on your mind?”

That is the Facebook question that opens every news feed post.

Yes I have been blessed with yet another birthday, and, of course, I have something on my mind!

I have been blessed with yet another breath, a breath that is not labored, nor weighted down with life’s traumas and troubles.

I have been blessed by my soul mate, Sharon White who reminds me daily of the precious Gift Of The Spirit that she truly is, and has been for 34 years for me.

I am grateful that Sharon’s son Brad Graves has made dramatic life changes, and now appears again to his mother as the special, empowered, loving man that we always knew him to be.

I am grateful for three grandsons, Mitch, Tony, and Jasper. I am grateful that Jasper has found a measure of sobriety, and is no longer suicidal.

I am grateful that our nephew David Gabbard did not lose his life in a fire that destroyed his home, and killed his two step sons, in a devastating tragedy last month.

I am grateful for my 30 year friendship with June Thomas. Sharon has been her great friend for over 45 years. I miss her birthday calls, where she sang happy birthday to me, every year until health issues silenced that part of her two years ago. Please take care of yourselves, readers, and encourage optimal brain health for your self. If you lose it, you lose more than you will ever realize.

I am blessed by Sassy the Cat, a 12 tear old cat who lays by my side in a recliner chair. Sassy is my 94 year old Aunt Susie’s, who had to be placed in a memory care center last year. Aunt Susie will be joining with us for Thanksgiving supper.

I am grateful for our two deceased canine companions, Iris and Ginger, who will remain treasured memories until the day I die.

I am blessed by my sacred morning cup of coffee, whose beans were flown in from Kauai.

I am blessed by our wonderful, cozy house, which has protected and brought a sense of home to us for nearly 30 years. I am now blessed by our new therapeutic hot tub, which I installed just prior to foot surgery. It makes immobility almost tolerable! While I hang out in the hot tub, my foot hangs out of the hot tub.

I am blessed by the memories of my parents Beryl Donald Paullin, and Corinne Beatrice Henry Paullin,, who brought me into this world, and were always there for me, even when I could not be present for myself

I am blessed by the 68 year old relationship that I have with my sister Pamela Kay Paullin, who spoke for me until I was 4 years old, as I chose, or life chose for me, the unwillingness or incapacity to talk until then. I am blessed that she will join with us for Thanksgiving.

I am blessed by the life of my first wife, Donelle Mae Flick Paullin, a woman who taught me so much about the ravages of childhood sexual abuse and family trauma, and who died on my birthday, November 20, 2022.

I am blessed by the life of Sean Tucker, a high school and post high school best friend who left my life in 1978. Because of our 50- year class reunion I was able to make healing strides with my understanding of our relationship.

I am blessed by my lifelong friendship with Randy Olson, who died in 2013. He introduced me to my first wife, Donelle, in 1972. and saved my life a couple of times in the 1980’s. Irreplaceable!

I am blessed by all the friends and acquaintances, alive or passed away, who made enough room in their lives and hearts, to include me in their life story, even if it were for just a little while.

I am blessed by all strangers who overcame their fear.insecurity, resistance, and preliminary judgments of my body or my often awkward presentation of self, to engage me in spontaneous conversation.

I am blessed that I found my voice once again in 2016, after having lost it due to the traumas and oppression that life sometimes clouds our minds and hearts with.

I am grateful to my wife Sharon, our deceased friend Marty Crouch, and Sheila Hamilton, who all provided the inspiration and encouragement for me to find my voice, which has resulted in numerous writings, books, and extensive healing dialogs with others.

I am blessed by the seven years that I devoted to my father in his time of greatest need, when my mother tragically passed away in 2009.

I am blessed by the memories of my grandparents (on my mother’s side), Kenneth Wayne Henry, and Beatrice Simpkins Henry, who provided unconditional love and support for me the entirety of my life until their passings.

I am blessed by my two wonderful deceased uncles, Wayne K Henry, and John Edward Paullin, who provided the highest level of loving, family support and presence,

I am blessed by my body’s incredible capacity for healing, having brought health back to me after several destabilizing illnesses, strokes, cancers, and injuries.

I am grateful that I learned how to love, and appreciate, my unique life experience, even in the face of challenges, and sometimes the rejection, from those I loved and respected.

I am grateful for the infinite capacity of my awakening heart, which has opened many doors to higher consciousness, healing from trauma, and reintegration back into our Sacred Mother Earth and the Universe. Until I opened up to my healing potential, I was cursed by the symptoms and effects of traumatic wounding. I had buried my heart at wounded me, but with healing intentions, I was able to resurrect my Spirit from the dead.

I am blessed by my relationship with every living thing, animal, plant, even rock and mountain, who shares this Sacred planet Earth with me.

I am grateful for the opportunity to finally be here, now, and open the gifts that Grandfather Great Spirit bestows upon me daily.

I am grateful for today.

I am grateful for “You”, in all the infinite forms that “You” may appear to me in.

I am grateful that I have made You always welcome at my home, and in my heart, and when I forget that, i am grateful for the lessons that lead me back home, with love, forgiveness, and compassion, to “You” again.

I am grateful that we are One.

I am grateful.

“We are One, after all,
You and I
Together, we suffer
Together exist
Together
Forever
We recreate each other”—-Teilhard deChardin

Categories: Musings

Bruce

Presently, I am 67 years old, and I am learning how to live the life of a retired person. I am married to Sharon White, a retired hospice nurse, and writer. Whose Death Is It Anyway-A Hospice Nurse Remembers Sharon is a wonderful friend and life partner of nearly 30 years. We have three grandsons through two of Sharon's children. I am not a published writer or poet. My writings are part of my new life in retirement. I have recently created a blog, and I began filling it up with my writings on matters of recovery and spirituality. I saw that my blog contained enough material for a book, so that is now my new intention, to publish a book, if only so that my grandsons can get to know who their grandfather really was, once I am gone. The title for my first book will be: Penetrating The Conspiracy Of Silence, or, How I Lived Beyond My Expiration Date I have since written 7 more books, all of which are now posted on this site. I have no plans to publish any of them, as their material is not of general interest, and would not generate enough income to justify costs. I have taken a deep look at life, and written extensively about it from a unique and rarely communicated perspective. Some of my writing is from 2016 on to the present moment. Other writing covers the time prior to 1987 when I was a boy, then an addict and alcoholic, with my subsequent recovery experience, and search for "Truth". Others are about my more recent experiences around the subjects of death, dying, and transformation, and friends and family having the most challenging of life's experiences. There are also writings derived from my personal involvement with and insight into toxic masculinity, toxic religion, toxic capitalism, and all of their intersections with our leadere. These topics will not be a draw for all people, as such personal and/or cultural toxicities tends to get ignored, overlooked, or "normalized" by those with little time for insight, introspection, or interest in other people's points of view on these troubling issues. There also will be a couple of writings/musings about "GOD", but I try to limit that kind of verbal gymnastics, because it is like chasing a sunbeam with a flashlight. Yes, my books are non-fiction, and are not good reading for anybody seeking to escape and be entertained. Some of the writings are spiritual, philosophical and intellectual in nature, and some descend the depths into the darkest recesses of the human mind. I have included a full cross section of all of my thoughts and feelings. It is a classic "over-share", and I have no shame in doing so. A Master Teacher once spoke to me, and said "no teacher shall effect your salvation, you must work it out for yourself". "Follow new paths of consciousness by letting go of all of the mental concepts and controls of your past". This writing represents my personal work towards that ultimate end.

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