Chapter Fourteen — Becoming Consciously Aware

Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing their opinion.

— Proverbs 18:2 (CEB)

One is never afraid of the unknown; one is afraid of the known coming to an end.”
― Krishnamurti 

Who would want to wake up, to become more “consciously aware”?

What happens when an infinite life and its experience is unconsciously lived, and reduced to just a string of words, statements, and fragmented personal stories?

Welcome to our present-day pseudo-world order, and all of the conflict and confusion that continues to be stirred up. I am presenting material that may help to waken us up, or, to put us to back to sleep, depending upon our intentions. Our verbal statements of self, by their very nature, remain imperfect, incomplete representations for the perfection ever-present in life. There are those who understand mind control and propaganda and use it to great advantage, as well as those who are unconsciously controlled by these powers while manifesting their toxic by-products, mainly through the engagement of unhealed interpersonal control dramas with the world..

Several decades ago, Saudi Oil Minister Sheikh Yamani gained recognition for his insight into global development:

“The Stone Age did not end for lack of stone, and the Oil Age will end long before the world runs out of oil.”

Today, we live in what many call the Information Age, and we are in absolutely no danger of running out of information, particularly in data form. There is a general perception that we are overwhelmed with data, making the ability to store, process, analyze, interpret, consume, and act upon that data a primary concern.  There is so much more to reality than what just greets the eye, and appears on the screens of our cellphones and/or computer monitors, however.  Scientists, mathematicians, theologians, artists, philosophers, enlightened politicians, and Google algorithm writers, continue to struggle towards some unknown destination that our collective search for truth continues to guide us towards as a human race.  The exponential increase in available information does little to settle what the “truth” might be, let alone which direction that its search may best be started from.

Information can help us to know why we are ill and which illnesses we have, exactly. But wisdom is to know how to heal them.

—Dr. Alberto Villoldo 

We need only watch the evening news, or read any newspaper or magazine, to recognize that we are no closer now to a consensus reality than we were before, even with the advent of the internet.  Religious and philosophical divisiveness, ego aggrandizement, wealth accumulation, and personal and corporate power are still being celebrated and supported as ideals to pursue by our cultural power brokers, and these principles lead to further propagation of lies, misstatements, half-truths, and illusions.  All people who follow these ignoble paths have no true knowledge of their fundamental selves, nor would they possess this knowledge about the other people in their worlds, thus they have limited access to the truth, and their styles of communication reveal that ignorance.

Can truth and love be reduced to a series of binary decisions?  Where does our reliance on technology connect with a “search for truth”?  Search engines now serve you up what they think you are looking for. They know who you are, and more importantly, what your online consumer preferences are. They know how you are looking for things, as well as how you search for news, companies, products, etc. Plus, they know the zip code and the local geography where each user is located. Search engines are getting better and smarter at knowing YOU, as well as what’s new, and old, in your micro-locale every day. A quick type into Google, and you are being fed more information, and the foundation for  yet another illusion, with just another photograph of or written interpretation of a past that never was true.  Do you think for one moment that truth, or love, can be reduced to a string of “1’s” and “0”s” (machine code for programming of computer hardware) or ascii characters (The result of “I Love You” on hexadecimal notation based on ascii code is : 49204C6F766520596F75).  These characters give you a real warm, fuzzy feeling, don’t they?

Many types of “knowledge” actually breed division and separation between human beings. It is easy to tell the difference between the ministers, politicians, teachers, teachings, and knowledge just by feeling within our own inner chambers of consciousness how their message impacts our hearts. Eventually the presenters of knowledge and the highest learned “truths” of the day will be ignored, if they are not able to break through the psychic/spiritual barrier between the mind and the heart, while still presenting, or preaching, to others their message. Did they just bring more information, which we tend to daily saturate our awareness with anyway (Google it!), or did they bring the intellect coupled with the heart awareness, where we can experience the promised fruits of deeper connections with all of creation, and, perhaps, experience an increased measure of peace of mind and more love brought into our world?

The control of information is something the elite always does, particularly in a despotic form of government. Information, knowledge, is power. If you can control information, you can control people.

—Tom Clancy

Understanding what we now consider to be sources for knowledge is all important, as well. With the idea of “FAKE NEWS” being so casually tossed about these days, it is important to keep in mind that “FAKE NEWS” has always been with us. It can be traced all of the way back to the days when we first starting naming objects, and attaching emotional linkages to our observations. Everybody sees things somewhat differently, though similarities outweigh differences by super-substantial amounts. But the human mind tends to focus on the differences, and, thus, temporarily accentuate those divisions while examining the objects of its reality, reassembling the new information into its own unique information matrix known as the personality.

To the more technically inclined, it takes more than cleaning cookies or turning off personalized searches in Google’s browser, Chrome, to get to the “truth.” Keep in mind that most of the search algorithms are Capitalist Oriented Male Biased (COMB) computer coding exercises that sort and order the “objects of reality” based on that slanted mind-set. Personally, I see COMB-overs as having run their course, with the  need to be balanced with a more feminine, humane perspective.  If we all want that biased mindset, then we will continue to trust and rely upon Google, and most other search engines, for the ordering of our reality. It should be more than a little concerning to know that many of the same values that our President touts as his own are built right into these algorithmic formulas.

Within myself, it is quite enlightening to note that when I attempt to interpret situations solely in terms of a potentially divisive philosophy/understanding, I usually now rebel out of my newer/refreshed understanding of life, and continue on and listen more deeply for the real truth of the moment, (AND NOT THE POTENTIALLY WORN OUT TRUTH OF YESTERDAY). All of those divisive philosophies that pit “me versus you” or “us versus them” will bring fewer positive results than the uniting philosophies that bring people together in the spirit of cooperation and caring. Yet it almost seems like the divisive ideas are for many, and for me, by instinct, first in line for consideration, so it is important to not act out of impulse. Yes, it is being mindful to wait out that first racing train of sometimes fearful, angry or hurtful thought, and just watch it as it passes through the screen of awareness, and wait for another peaceful train of loving thought that may lie underneath all of the other noise.

The goal might be to make “love” the leading, or first, thought considered, but in my reality, it does not always automatically arise, nor should it, just because I think that it is a good idea. It is important to note here that ideas that initially appear to be counter to our prevailing philosophy may have legitimate origins, and discovery and exploration of the mind and our individual experience of it should continue without fear and self-judgement, as we attempt to discern the “truths” being communicated. If our “prevailing philosophies” are not subject to change, then we risk excess friction in all of our relationships, especially as we slip further and further away from the new, upgraded truth trying to be revealed.

Mindfulness, insight, and meditation help to create a more stable foundation for thought, feeling, and action. Remaining socially connected through real life interaction, vs predominantly through media devices, keeps the heart and mind refreshed and engaged holistically. Giving and receiving “presence” to each other has much more value than the mere information that might be exchanged. For us to continue to trust in technology solely for our heart connection is like only eating popcorn for our diet; Satisfying in the short-term, and deadly in the long run.  We need to feed each other new ideas and words from the deep storehouses within  each of our hearts, where intuition, empathy, compassion, and healing all arise from.  To continue to be fed only from the internet, is to continue our connection with cultural hypnotism, which leads in its own self-defeating directions.

Of course, once “new ideas” become integrated, they can be just as resistant to change as old, damaged, worn out thoughts, and the new synthesis will require continuous further revision until some sort of all-encompassing philosophical unity arises (or God-consciousness, for those who like to tie spirituality and religion together).

The “unknown” is the opening in our mind and heart that God (change to higher power, or whatever represents love, beauty, and healing to you) speaks through, so that we can find the truth and spirit of this new moment. Do not fear the unknown, as it can be so much more than we could ever anticipate or imagine.

Even after our most sincere and deepest “prayers”, there still must be an opening created within our minds where we can listen and watch, without fear or judgement, for the “answer”, which is always provided, and rarely understood. An overactive mind runs over the quiet truth that is revealed in each moment, so take off those mental workout clothes, and take a breather!

We will never change “God’s mind”, but we just might change our own, and, in that change, the real miracle of life can be revealed, and our lives healed and renewed.  The “One Mind Of God” can only be experienced in each new moment, in the ever-unfolding unknown and unknowable moment that is now.   This unique new moment can only reveal itself to a mind no longer burdened only with its own knowledge, or the knowledge of others’ endeavors.

Love’s Reunion (excerpt)

I stumbled over the frozen wilderness for oh, so long!

With a hole in my heart that life could just not fill

Until I stopped to rest, and heard a gentle voice singing a long forgotten song

That promised of my release from this winter world of painful chill

Her lyrics spoke of the return of Life to freedom

And the release of shivering minds from darkness’ frozen, fearful hands

She drew me closer without any further verbal tethers

And prepared me for the walk back to Love’s now awakening lands

Her warming presence melted the icy hardness that I used to know

Inspiring within me the courage, to myself and my world, to say

That, to all of my past memories’ barren trees of lifeless knowledge, I now refuse to go

I will now accept only the lessons learned along Love’s Infinite Way

Our answers to some of life’s greatest questions are never to be considered sacred, or unchangeable, in and of themselves.  What is sacred is the “don’t know” space that we all can enter into, if we can suspend our need to be always right.  We don’t need a lot of new answers, we need a lot more good questions, which can direct our inquiries in new directions, and, thus, create new paths of consciousness and awareness.

I have met quite a few healers, ministers, teachers, and the leaders for those on “the spiritual path”.  Most have the best of intentions, and their heart is in the right place, and permeated with the desire to be of greater service to humanity, and to their own spiritual evolution.

Some are quite the planners, are amazingly studious, and read everything  available to support their knowledge, or need for knowledge, in areas revolving around the main concerns in life, or in their teaching arenas. Some develop quite the rigid understanding of the facts, and, in fact, the “facts” became almost idols, of which became trusted, almost at the exclusion of any other teaching, or learning, that those around might try to impart, either unintentionally, or through a need to help to see more clearly. Some show  little or no sense of humor, and are devoid of all capacity to embrace the “unknown” or the present moment, as it tries to present itself every moment of our existence.

I have met one or two information “control freaks”, and their quest for knowledge had the unconscious intention to keep them in control, and to establish themselves as a teacher, so as to keep their own fears of insufficiency and inadequacy at bay in group settings. They might tend to dominate group discussions with them taking the lead role, where they would unconsciously parade themselves, and all of their self-knowledge, in front of their adoring masses, or, at least they had hoped that they were adoring.  Some want so much to be like their mentors, who they may have patterned themselves after.

Their self-righteousness is continuously displayed, as they travel from one topic to another, always showing to the world how perfect their relationship was to any issue revolving around medical issues, social responsibility, or ecological awareness. Perfectionism and unintentional self-worship were characteristics that define them, and are traits that are immediately recognizable by me and others, who were not also participating in the parade of self.

They can be the type of person, had the Christ been before them and teaching from the Truth, they would have grabbed their phone, and Googled information to prove that their own head knowledge trumped what was being presented in the moment by Truth itself. Some of our leaders have, in a term that I coined, “spiritual dementia”. They tend to think that every moment needed to be covered by their (mis)understanding of the facts.  They may not request or appreciate feedback, and many listeners, rather than confronting the teachers about their quirks, and  their need to always be right, go along.with the show, and acquiesce to the needs of the teachers.

I sat through literally, hundreds of groups, with many types of teachers and leaders over the years.  If the speaker, teacher, or leader does not capture the energy of the moment, the listeners will become fatigued, and lose interest.  There is also a temptation to just sit back, and offer up an occasional barbed remark (typical passive/aggressive communication style for me), without adding much to the flow of the group energy.   I did not come into this world just to “bow down before excellence”, in whatever form it might appear in, though that is the implied need expressed through many teachers’ outward behavior.  Without an interactive approach, the teacher or teaching will have a more difficult time keeping the listener engaged.

Why would I withhold myself, and my truth, from situations that should have demanded my participation in it? Why would I withhold my own assessments of what is real, and true, and right, in the face of this assault upon my own sensibilities? Why would I devalue myself, and my own truth, so much that I would carry the perception that “I have nothing to say”, or that “nobody would ever listen to me because I do not have a college degree, or I am not a therapist or respected spiritual advisor”? Why do I sometimes unconsciously believe that nobody would ever listen to what I have to say, anyway?

It has taken me nearly thirty years to be willing to speak my truth to our cultural knowledge disseminaters.  Our cultural spiritual dementia needed to be challenged, lest I lapse into deeper degrees of anxiousness, powerlessness, and unreality. Confronting a difficult reality takes more energy than most of us care to bring to the table, yet, not doing so diminishes our own standing in Truth, Life, and Love, and that has been my experience

What do emotionally and spiritually disfigured teachers and leaders represent to me on the inner plane of my consciousness, where the human collective archetypes reside? They might be the Dark King or Queen, and Trickster, and/or a number of other “lesser gods”. They might represent the unyielding rational brain, devoid of Spirit’s soft, embracing touch. They may have no room for anything unlike themselves in their kingdom, and the stick figures in their dream of world domination could never be filled out with their true essence, because they may have no time or inclination for that. Their Trickster mind misrepresented trust and openness to the Unknown as something to fear, and cover up its Nakedness with second-hand, worn out rags of other people’s intellects and misunderstandings. They might be like the King in the parable of the “Emperors’ New Clothes”, parading their misunderstandings of life around for all to see and worship, all the while fearing that an innocent boy would call  them out.

i had very poor training since birth in how to successfully navigate group energy, up to, and including, the whole of society that we all participate in. As a boy, when family discussions turned into arguments, many times I found myself either raising my voice against the angry voice of my father, or retreating into submission and fear at the threat of being attacked for being contrary to the flow. And, I internalized that I was probably wrong anyway, and would be punished if I stepped out and asserted myself too much. I learned that I could undertake less obvious means of rebelling against authority, sometimes through indirect, or obvious, self, or other, destructive behavior.

Passive/aggressive tendencies have haunted me most of my entire life, and becoming “self-aware” has gone a long way to keep me from employing those unskilled coping mechanisms unconsciously, though I am still occasionally haunted by their presence. Having undertaken the inner work of insight, and maintaining mindfulness, and identified those sources of suffering within myself, does not instantaneously remove all of the darkness within. But is also does not remove from me the responsibility to call out those who are the external agents of oppression and repression, no matter how much I might love them or want to protect them, or even to protect myself from the ramifications of asserting what is right, true, or proper in any situation.

Knowledge is power only if man knows what facts not to bother with.

—Robert Staughton Lynd

Why Facebook, and what knowledge can be derived from that online forum?  With the outrage over Fake News, and Russian interference in our elections, plus fake people, fake news, trolls and viruses being planted on Facebook, one can see that searching for real information on Facebook can be a daunting challenge, until one learns how and where to look for the truth.

‘Nothing on this page is real’: How lies become truth in online America

(Washington Post link below)

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/nothing-on-this-page-is-real-how-lies-become-truth-in-online-america/2018/11/17/edd44cc8-e85a-11e8-bbdb-72fdbf9d4fed_story.html?fbclid=IwAR3uxrUAymNK2xC4vywxlz81FthX2sT4hsV2GE5UsMcdnhUIKNNl_PmlbQU&utm_term=.eb344709a3bc

It all started rather subtly when people began to substitute email connections and the photographic attachments to them for much of their real life social involvement. It was such a natural progression from email communications to Facebook and all other present day online media forums.How many people on our own email list do we really care to hear from, or would actually give a phone call to, or visit with when we happen to pass by their part of the world? Do we come to Facebook just to be entertained, and perhaps educated? Do we come here to “check up” on our friends and family? Does Facebook continue to exist to serve as only a temporary bandage over the open wounds of a rampant social disconnect that our cultural, religious, and political processes exaggerate?

Why would anybody rely solely on emails, Facebook, or other online connections for life affirming connections, of which, inherently, THEY HAVE NO POWER TO GIVE? Is it the fear of missing out? Are we so busy that there is no longer enough time for committing to important relationships? Is there now an indifference to the value of old friends, acquaintances, and certain members of our families? Is the phone really the heaviest object in the universe, especially if we are “male”? Is that car drive to the other side of town to see a friend or acquaintance the same as a drive across the country?

Who knows for sure, as everybody has a unique answer, but remaining true to our own basic social and spiritual values while utilizing Facebook is an imperative. I was “duped” into using the Facebook forum, of which I had no interest in, as it was offered by our daughter-in-law as the only way to see photographs of our grandsons while they were growing up, beginning in 2011. She had cut us off from their lives, due to her own emotionally dysfunctional behavior, and we had to settle for the “scraps of information” offered by her through Facebook postings. It sure was a “bait and switch” proposition, as she, and Brad, quickly reduced their postings. I did not have a lot of interest in Facebook for the first several years, and did not learn the ropes until about 2014, after watching others’ posts over the intervening years.

With many of my friends having passed away, or left my inner sphere of connection due to the neglect brought about by enhanced care and time spent with my aging (and now deceased) parents, I no longer have of lot of my previous social interconnections anymore. But, I do not rely on Facebook for any “social” connections, nor do I rely upon emails exclusively. Those pseudo-connections are primarily reserved for those who have little time for or have expressed little interest in me or my life anymore, or vice versa. The dopamine rush from a Facebook like or love does not suffice for true sharing and mutual compassion and understanding.

These vehicles exist for many reasons, but a very important one is so that we can continue to express or write to ourselves, and somehow find a measure of satisfaction with our sometimes incomplete socializing efforts, no matter how isolated we may or may not truly be, and/or regardless of the people we may have presently surrounded our lives with. The thoughts around these issues can be rather troubling, and disheartening, regarding this technology, and the illusion of connection that it provides.

I choose to continue to use Facebook as a tool. It is NOT a crutch, or a substitute for real human companionship, connection, and communication. It remains a forum for exchange, regardless of who, or what, profits from our use of it. What do I give to the exchange? What do I receive from the exchange? If the balance tips in my favor in the long run, then it will continue to remain a tool to utilize, as I reach for my own unique goals for personal expression and creativity, or for connecting or reconnecting with long neglected or ignored family members and acquaintances. Like all things in life, if I approach Facebook consciously and with wisdom, my returns will be commensurate with my investment.

If I used Facebook for the sole intent to just get likes, or to have others ask to “friend” me, I would have been quite the unhappy fellow, for sure. Few people in my “Facebook world” have a lot of time or interest in my musings. I am not hurt or offended by that at all. I realize my own insignificance, and, at times, social irrelevance, and it keeps me humble and willing to explore deeper within my own mind and heart. I am not writing to please anybody. My own uniqueness demands expression, even though there may appear to be nobody “out there” who cares to listen, or “likes” what I have to say or do. I have had many more “unfriended” and “no longer follow” experiences with Facebook “friends” than I have had new connections the last three years, so this forum is dying in many ways for me.

Some of my best work in life has been what life (especially on Facebook) has overlooked or ignored the most, which is the way of my world. If I just wanted to be noticed and “liked”, I would just post pictures of my cat, my grandchildren, or of my vacations. As a long-term practitioner of mindfulness and personal inventory, and an expert in Recovery, Toxic Masculinity, Toxic Religion, and Toxic Capitalism, I have a lot of insight into why the world spins the awkward way it now does. And I will write about it, much to the disinterest and annoyance from some Facebook readers. The “silent treatment” that I receive from Facebook now is quite deafening, so I know that the target audience for my writing remains very close to home. But, for the one or two stray readers who wander by, I usually try to remember to get those kitty pictures and vacation photographs posted to balance the whole Facebook equation for me, and to keep my personal page from becoming perpetually serious..

The greatest challenges in life come through following, or creating, new paths of consciousness, rather than retracing the same steps that the so-called important members of society have already created for us. The ruts of society, if traveled upon too frequently by others, become deep enough to form graves for the unwary. Following others carries the risk of losing one’s own uniqueness, so we must strike out on our own, and create the conditions for own creative and spiritual “salvation”.

Please, don’t just “like” this post (or be “angry” with it). Try something “new” today, like having a dialogue directly with family and friends, and talking with a stranger or two whenever appropriate. Take out that diary or personal journal, and make new entries into it each day for one month, if even only to note the change in the weather forecast. We all long for real connection with our Spirit, both within ourselves and within our friends and neighbors, regardless of any outward appearances to the contrary.

Be a “friend” to yourself. “Like” yourself, and Love will lead the way into your own unique “promised land”. Even though, at times, I may be alone, I am never lonely, for I have found the “fellowship of the Spirit”.

That is where I now try to hang out.

This can be good food for thought, if only for me alone. I keep myself very well fed, thank you very much, in between my moments of most sacred silence. Which will lead into yet another future Facebook monologue, to be read by one or two of my most treasured of friends, or by nobody at all.

It is what it is, but it is not what it seems

—Paul Hewson

“By the skillful and sustained use of propaganda, one can make a people see even heaven as hell or an extremely wretched life as paradise.”

—Adolf Hitler

We all love a great story  Those who have developed real insight into the story, and who can both translate the essence of an experience and convey the emotion of all of the participating characters through words, become the raconteurs of our culture.  These honored story tellers may become famous and beloved novelists, musicians and rock stars, ministers, writers of religious stories and texts, comedians, and playwrights.  The story may be about a personal or historical event, and it may be real, or fiction, but as long as it entertains, it will keep our attention.  As all of the best story tellers know, it can be important not to let the truth get in the way of telling the best story, especially if they are trying to keep our attention.

We all create stories around our individual lives, and around all of our relationships with each other, and with the world.  We also listen intently to the stories told to us  by our parents, our teachers, our religions, our history, and our society about who we are, who others once were or now are, and who we might aspire to become.  Many of our stories, both individually and those created by society for us, are steeped in illusion, ignorance, half-truths and outright falsehoods.  Far too many stories are just illusory dramas about our attempts to control others, and, sadly, our failed attempts at control over our own lives and our emotional experiences around all of these intersections, and collisions, with each other  But these stories have an amazing hypnotic appeal, especially to those who have not undertaken the process of insight and healing.  At some point in our lives, each of us must begin a “search for truth”, lest the entirety of our life experience be lived and experienced without true integrity, the potential for healing and completeness, and the best alignment with reality.

Some aspects of life just seem to elude our ability to effectively communicate around them, and never get incorporated into our personal stories, and thus add to the collective conspiracy of silence.  Also, other people’s stories and garbage gets back-filled into the holes and empty spaces within our own stories,  becoming embedded within us, and adding to our internal confusion and chaos.

Life was never an easy journey for me, and had it not been for some deep need to understand my dysfunctional process, and try to find the underlying truth amid my personal chaos, I would have passed away, silenced by the disease.  Some wounds are so deep, and primal, that just pasting new names onto aspects of the disease and creating new stories are not enough.  But it is each of our responsibilities as conscious, or semi-conscious, human beings to bring our personal truth, and our stories, no matter how incomplete they may be, to the collective experience, including our family, our friends, our co-workers, our neighbors, and our religious and political leaders..

Names and stories are only a convenience for communication, and are never comprehensive and inclusive enough to completely reveal the true natures of what they were created for in our minds to represent in the first place.  The process of naming is the way that our consciousness weighs and measures new forms of life, ideas and experiences, in the attempt to insert the unknown and the mysterious into a present context for understanding, which becomes the latest iteration of our “story”.  Naming tends to attach a dynamic process to a fixed point in time and space, always with a past frame of reference, and thus permanently lodges it in the dead past.

The act of creating stories and context, and just being conversational about the details of life does not dislodge the detritus from our field of consciousness. The Devil is in the details, figuratively speaking, and if our need is for change, we need to find a way to see under the vast matrix of details that only float on the surface on the mind .  We who still choose to name processes and create stories must also have personally explored and experienced the movements through consciousness, and found the way to the silence at the foundation of our being.  Otherwise, the process of naming, and the resulting stories that arise from naming, are just more intellectual knowledge and entertainment for a superficial mind, and will not pry open the healing doors to insight and wisdom. 

“Once I had asked God for one or two extra inches in height, but instead, he made me as tall as the sky, so high that I could not measure myself.”

—Malala Yousafzaia

The intellectual and the atheist, though possessing finely tuned minds, can never explore the mystery, and the depth, of the human soul, and comprehend that we all have a connection with Infinity.  The willing explorer of the new paths of consciousness or the mystic both have access to the limitless territory of the Spirit, and will soar to new heights and see the sights rarely seen by the rest of mankind. “

I did not develop verbal abilities until relatively late in my childhood  My sister reports that she spoke for me until I developed the capacity, or  inclination, to speak.  Once I started talking (close to age 4) I proved that I had the capacity for speech, and A LOT OF IT.  My father wondered, at times, if I would ever shut up.  I  proved to be quite precocious, once I engaged my verbal skills.  I remember that I would start talking about things that were around me, giving new information that my parents had no knowledge about.  My parents thought that there was no way for me to know anything about what I was spouting off about, so I was mostly ignored.  But I can remember how good it felt to be talking, and sharing the excitement of the magic of words exploding in my mind!

I intuited quite early that built-in to the very fabric of words is an access to imagination and knowledge beyond the word, or sequence of words, spoken.  Looking back now, I can see also the incredible capacity of the human mind to represent the real world with words and internal imagery, as well as to create false realities while remaining utterly convinced of their “truth”, even in the face of non-supporting facts.  I can remember as a young boy around four years of age having a doll named Percy, who spoke with me at times, and even spoke to me once over the telephone.  Percy was to me what “God” was to other innocent children, a reassuring voice that would speak to me, and remind me that I had value.  I almost had my sister convinced of it, as well, and she was almost six years old at the time.  So, illusions can become contagious, if not recognized, and reigned in early.

What is truth?  Sometimes, we must remain open to a mystery that far transcends our simple explanations, as well.  This book touches extensively upon the many self-destructive and false stories and realities, as well as the mundane, and sometimes amazing, life-affirming truths, that I, as an individual person, and as a collective, acculturated human being was subjected to and consciously and unconsciously adapted to throughout the course of my life.

In some of the early times of my life,  prior to my addictive cycles, I carried with me a sense of isolation, depression, and a strong feeling of anxiety around the unknown.  From 1971 through 1987, as a practicing alcoholic and drug addict, and mentally ill human being, I lost most of my remaining freedom of choice.  I belonged to the “death wish core group” of Americans, who lived lives of desperation,  addiction, suicidal ideation, and mental illness.  We all sought an early death, either by our own hands, through our addictions, or by the poor health and relationship decisions that we continued to make.  Many of us could see the insanity of those still claiming for themselves good mental health, while the choices of those supposedly “healthy people of the world” continued to bring the promise of the destruction to our planet Earth.  While we contemplated our own end, we witnessed a world in the midst of its own collective march towards suicide. 

The story of Armageddon, as both an individual and as a collective event, becomes very real to those trapped by their own illusions of powerlessness, helplessness, and despair.  We are the loosely knit tribe most susceptible to the oppression by others, and the repression of our selves.  We are the prime candidates for political and religious propaganda.  We may seek a new tribe that gives us a sense of safety and purpose, even if our own anticipated benefits come at the expense of other innocent people or groups.  We have become limited caricatures of ourselves, as we continue to play to stereotypes that those in power have thrust upon us.   We do not have the emotional and spiritual intelligence to discern what is true, and what is false, about our selves.  The stories that continue to be told to us keep us connected with an extremely limited view of “our people”, all the while keeping us disconnected from our own true natures, and more realistic stories of ourselves.

Crippled Inside, by John Lennon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otwuTetDSUs

A spiritual awakening process beginning in 1987 was the start of my own exit from the chaotic mindset that characterized my life up to that point.  Since 1987,  I have chosen to live life more fully, with enhanced personal awareness, good health, honest expression of all feelings, joy and happiness the majority of the time, and almost continuous sobriety.  My own living, dynamic story has become forefront in my mind, and having examined my life to its deepest core, I have seen what the source of my own spiritual disease and despair was.  And, I finally found a way to describe the foundational dynamics of both personal and collective consciousness that contributed to my disease, and to all of our suffering.  I need no longer be an unwilling participant and just another silent partner in the conspiracy of silence.

John 1.1-From New Testament Of Christian Bible

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Yet, another layer of the Conspiracy of Silence exists around the Divine, Higher Power, God, or Truth.  Organized religions, intellectual savants and those parading as atheists, and political powers all too often obfuscate the truth that underlies all of our existence. When Pontius Pilate asked Jesus

“What is truth?”,

Jesus, as the story goes, could only be silent in the face of the greatest power of the day.  The question “What is truth?” was intended as mockery, and that principle continues to this day. Speaking truth to power is not an easy or automatic proposition, no matter how “enlightened” one might appear to be.  Truth is more like a continuous rainfall upon rocky mountains.  It does not immediately displace all of the sharp, dangerous edges of eons of ignorance, but, over time, it finally erodes the roughest of terrains, and exposes the deeper layers of existence where a new level of experience is to be found.  Those who are not patient will be mortally wounded by thrusting themselves too aggressively against our human monuments to stupidity and ignorance that often act as the controlling religious, political, and economic powers within civilization.

Those who touch the Infinite relate back to the world the ineffability of the experience, though they have been deeply impacted by that contact.  The universe of Spirit defies rationality, though it will eventually speak intelligently through the healed human mind.   First, the mind has to be properly prepared, and then it must be willing to communicate, no matter how mighty the struggle may be  to interpret or express its energy.  But if the mind is overburdened by education, knowledge, religious and cultural inculcation, the Infinite will be speaking through distorted measures of reality, creating illusion, deception, and delusion. 

A look at Joseph Smith and his revelations, and the LDS movement that subsequently arose from this process,  is a great example of the corrupted marriage of spirituality and truth with hallucination and delusion, producing its inevitable spawn, toxic religion and cults.  This type of spiritual corruption only further confuses and alienates those seekers of a deeper truth that are still in possession of keen wits. Would anyone like a serving of golden plates, from which the “Book Of Mormon” is based upon, or Jesus appearing in the wild west of America, say, two thousand years ago?  The sirens of my “bull shit detector” continue to go off loud and clear, whenever I hear these stories.  And don’t forget to tithe your ten percent, or your next of kin will hear about your “lack of faith” at your own funeral (yes, I witnessed this in an abominable eulogy at a funeral for a co-worker, who had committed suicide).  Like our mothers sometimes said:

“Oh, and always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident! “.

It is time for the Church of the LDS to change their dirty “underwear”, because their delusional stories have created quite the mess in human consciousness, and this philosophical buffoonery is an accident waiting to happen to all of its adherents.  The Church, and its community of well-meaning human beings,  may have done a lot of good over the years, but that has to be balanced with the corruption in consciousness itself that this tribalistic cult creates and maintains.

All religions promote the hope that humanity has a capacity for love and healing.  The simple truth behind Christianity is that we all have divine heritage, though we may be still struggling with our human experience.  Ignorant Christian philosophers,scholars, and ministers continue to interpret and promote the Word as having its expression only through Jesus Christ.  In their minds humanity remains relegated to outcasts from the “Garden Of Eden” and we will all remain on the outside of the universality of our divine heritage and potential for eternity until Jesus is accepted as our personal savior.  There are many other errors in spiritual discernment in addition to this one that continue to be propagated, especially all of the nonsense that is promoted around the concept of Armageddon.  This is important, because these beliefs contribute mightily to the Common Knowledge Game of human perception, which is a socially and culturally inculcated system for assessing and judging against all others unlike the observers.  

Most of the world does not hold the belief in Jesus as the Savior, though many of us have been victimized by those with such a vision!  With our American judicial and political processes still impacted by, and in some cases dominated by, so-called “Christian ideals”, it is easy to see the potential for collective persecution of and discrimination against those not conforming to these ideals and dogmas.

And, much of our American religious landscape remains dominated by blind adherence to  patriarchy, which manifests through toxic masculinity, toxic capitalism, and toxic religion, with their qualities of misogyny, white supremacy and its outright hatred or indifference to others unlike themselves, greed and rampant selfishness, and self-destructiveness, and all of the planetary destructive evil that emanates from it.  When the writer quoted from in the Bible proclaimed that we “be fruitful and multiply”, that writer did not intend for our race to become a planet ravaging virus, through overpopulation, pollution, extinction of 1000’s of species, genocide, religious persecution, greed, and competition, yet our race has been fruitful, and multiplied our collective ignorance and evil exponentially.

Prosperity theology is a religious belief among some Christians, who hold that financial blessing and physical well-being are always the will of God for them, and that faith, positive speech, and donations to religious causes will increase one’s material wealth. Prosperity theology views the Bible as a contract between God and humans: if humans have faith in God, he will deliver security and prosperity.  The doctrine emphasizes the importance of personal empowerment, proposing that it is God’s will for his people to be happy. It is based on interpretations of the Bible that are mainstream in Judaism (with respect to the Hebrew Bible), though less so in Christianity. The atonement (reconciliation with God) is interpreted to include the alleviation of sickness and poverty, which are viewed as curses to be broken by faith. This is believed to be achieved through donations of money, visualization, and positive confession.

Our blind adherence to our soulless Capitalist economic system is a force that must be reckoned with.  With capitalism now married to religion, we end up with Corporate Religion, whereby sects of American Christianity celebrate wealth and fame, and goad their members towards rampant materialism, all in the name of God’s prosperity..  These mega-churches with ministers, such as Joel Osteen, set the tone and the pace for self-glorification, materialism, overpopulation, and the continued destruction of our planet through their adherence to the Prosperity Gospels.  Prosperity is oppression, when we see the long-term effects of focusing wealth and planetary resources into the pocketbooks of fewer and fewer people, in manners that tend to increase profits and visibility for the unconscious adherents of the new Corporate Religion.  This competition for resources continues to cause our Earth to suffer, while the few prosper.  There is abject spiritual and intellectual poverty imbued within a philosophy that celebrates prosperity as a manifestation of “God’s reward for the good”, and is indicative of a larger poverty that has overwhelmed our nation, and our world.  We all need umbrellas to shield ourselves from the “golden showers” of “trickle down theories” that follow such megalomaniacal visions of privilege and power.

The fundamental oppressive force in the human universe is not our wayward religious, political, economic, or social agendas or systems, however, as the fundamental problem is within the human mind itself. Jesus Christ would be crucified again (and, in fact, the Truth continues to be sacrificed daily), and Muhammad and the Buddha, were they alive today, would be ignored or attacked, in today’s diseased, divisive, dark money controlled political, social, and religious climate. Some say that it may be time to PUNCH A NAZI, in whatever form it takes, but it is best to first master the Nazi within our own minds.

A new story needs to be told by each and every one of us, as our old stories are killing us,  both individually, and collectively.  We need a new world religion, one that honors ALL life upon the planet, and the very planet Earth itself, as our Lord and Savior. We must have a story that allows for each being to have the opportunity to live in peace and harmony, and to share in the benefits of an evolutionary consciousness.  We either grow together as a race, and as a planet, or we will not survive as a species, and, potentially, we may destroy the rest of our supporting animal species, the environment itself, and the planet.

“if you tell a big enough lie, and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed”.
― Adolf Hitler

If you tell a lie often enough, you are prone to start to actually believe it yourself.  All of the internal defense mechanisms are engaged to support the story and to maintain the lies existence, and the corruption that living a lie creates can become part of our nature.  Be careful out there, the world, and our minds, can be a dangerous place. Unlike TV entertainment series, where the programs have the potential to resolve the contrived issues  before the ending of the weekly show, life carries our issues for prolonged periods of time, sometimes whole lifetimes, if we do not find a way to dislodge our lies, and our stories of disease and dysfunction from the cells of our bodies, and from our consciousness.  There is no freedom to be found, if we do not first see that we are trapped.

Pay attention  to all of our stories, many of which  have created quite the mess to sort through.  Constantly question reality,, search for available facts, and learn not to unconsciously accept statements from authority figures.  “Reality” many times, is only someone else’s opinion about “what is”, so a cautious, probing mind, not rushing to simplistic conclusions, or susceptible to popular suggestion or hypnotism, is required to maintain, or re-establish, personal integrity, healing, sanity and reason. 

It has been a great challenge and adventure living this life. It has also been a great fulfillment for me to have lived long enough and to have become articulate enough to be able to put into words my unique experience of life. There are many chapters to follow, where I attempt to bring into the verbal universe my extended journey into the mystery of human consciousness, and its corruption by those with selfish and self-destructive agendas.  Finding my unique story, and finding the supportive silence underneath that story, is the journey of my salvation, the hero’s journey towards healing and integrity.  Buckle up, fellow travelers, the ride is going to be a rather turbulent one at times!

What is “reality” and who am I?

Watch out, for more stories are always forming around those questions!

I am what I am, but I am not what I seem

We all need a bigger story, with more heart and healing, higher accuracy, and maximum inclusivity!

 

SATAN’S GREATEST TEACHING (told by Jiddu Krishnamurti, original source unknown)

Satan and his main disciple were drifting above the planet Earth, and observing all of the activities that were of interest, while his student learned some more of the great lessons of the truth of the Dark Master.  One of their journeys  brought them to a single man standing in an open field, who looked up to the heavens, with a look of great relief and joy upon his face.  As Satan and his disciple looked closer, they found that the man was holding something in his hands, hidden under his shirt, close to his heart.  The man hurriedly walked back to his home, protecting his find from the scrutiny of the outside world.

The disciple asked Satan:

“What do you think that this man has found?”

“Oh, he has found Truth!”,

replied Satan, with a satisfied look on his face.

“But Satan, how can you be so happy?  Should we not be terrified by this man’s revelation?  This could spell the end of your rule over our earthly kingdom!”

“Hush, my student, and listen closely.  We are about to help this man write volumes of texts, create relevant spiritual fantasies and stories pertinent to those texts, and organize this “truth” into yet another religion.  This is my greatest teaching, that organized religion eventually becomes the structure to capture and imprison the minds and hearts of susceptible people.”