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Amanda V., my urologist and surgeon for Wednesdays Asteroids game, er, surgery, hopefully has practiced up on this old classic. She will be, wait for this, sticking a laser unit up through the penis and the bladder into the ureter (the tube between the kidney and the bladder) and play Asteroids with a stuck kidney stone . The professionals call my right kidney’s special creation a “kidney stone with colic”. Over six millimeters in size (that is over 1/4 inch), it is STUCK, and causes spasms, and intense pain, every day or two for over 6-8 hours at a time. I have five different medications prescribed to me to cover pain, flow, inflammation, blood pressure, and nausea, so at least there are medicinal options available to keep me from returning to the emergency room again…
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I have never experienced more physical pain in my life, including broken bones, waking up early during the reconstructive surgery of my collar bone in 1980, a fall from a 60 foot tree in 1967, two motorcycle wrecks, a toxic reaction/convulsion/seizure from a street drug in 1986, a confrontation with people with a knife, over-active fists and feet on my 21st birthday, and attitude adjustments from my dad’s belt from 1958-1969. First, at home, I asked for death as a relief from the pain. Then, in the emergency room, I asked for death again when the doctor, nurse, and my pleadings with “God” did not work. It was when the professionals finally decided it was “dilaudid time” that I finally found my relief
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God appeared in a new form for me, and I was immensely grateful!!!!
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If Amanda’s laser shot is good, the Asteroid, er, the kidney stone, will be broken into small enough pieces to retrieve with suction. If she isn’t a good shot, or the stone is diamond tough, well, I guess, life will be changing rather dramatically for me for a time, perhaps, for a long time! There are several more Asteroids just waiting to drop, according to the scan. ARGHH!!!. Maybe she can wake me up during surgery and give me a shot at it, as I was pretty good at this game forty two years ago! I probably logged over 1000 hours of training on this damned video game in bars and taverns in the late 70’s and early 80’s.
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In the old days, the game cost a quarter to play. I can’t charge Amanda for this one, and, in fact, she will be charging me and the insurance company nearly five figures.
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NO FAIR!
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I was at my best busing asteroids after a pitcher of cold beer. Fortunately for me, Amanda will be aiming her laser in a cold stone sober state.
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Hit me with your best shot, Amanda! Just be careful in there, and down there!
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Laser lithotripsy is a way to treat kidney stones. This treatment uses a laser to break kidney stones into tiny pieces.
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Note: Just returned home at 5:30 pm, and the surgery was a success. Amanda tried to physically remove the stone, but it was lodged tight, so she used the laser as planned. I just don’t want to pee ever again. The pain is immense, and the sight of blood makes me queasy. Amanda left a stint that extends all the way from the kidney to the end of my southern hemisphere.
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Early Morning Update:
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I was in extraordinary pain 6-8 hours out from the procedure, and the pain continued in earnest until I got up 2am and passed a big blood cot. My gut is so sore, I doubled up on the dilaudid, still no relief. Drinking coffee at 3am, Sharon awake with me.
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Quite a lineup of prescribed medicated to treat symptoms of the kidney stone and surgery for it for a person who only takes nutritional supplements
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Shit, this is nearly as bad ( and worse in a different way) than keeping the trapped stone. I am hoping/praying that this too shall pass.
Thanks for reading, I just needed to write.
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Word to the wise, be prepared to have a challenging life event if you ever develop kidney stones.
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Laser lithotripsy is a way to treat kidney stones. This treatment uses a laser to break kidney stones into tiny pieces.
