Like a bumblebee, whose body is too big for his wings, it lifts up its heart, and then it sings, and then it flies. . . I want to fly, don’t you want to fly?-—Jerry Florence, and Alliance.
Truth is either ubiquitous, though ignored by many, or it does not exist at all. Even though some readers may care little about my personal sharing around my experience of “truth”, it still does not remove from me the moral and ethical obligation to try to present my perspective on this most important spiritual phenomenon. My own sister stated to me, on a trip to Hawaii in November of 2021, that my “spiritual journey” was “a total waste of time”, and few could care less about the narrative around my experience. My older sister Pam, like most of our culture, sees little value in my story.
Should I remain silent about “the Truth”, and by my silence support the perception of my own supposed ignorance around this ultimate issue? By my continuing silence I may even support the erroneous contention that there is no “Truth”, that “Truth” has no ultimate existence.
My choice, obviously, is to attempt to present my experience of “the Truth”. Opinions rise and fall like helium balloons in our sky. Yet, Truth is the sky that they all must travel through. And, as difficult as it is for me to try to successfully communicate around this profound issue, I continue to try to write about the infinite, mysterious sky that embraces, and overshadows, all of our shared life experience.
I have now written eight books since 2017, none of which have been published, for reasons obvious to me. I have never been much of a writer, and I could not even string two sentences together prior to 1984. I present this material to the reader, because the Universe gave this material to me for free, and I finally became willing to deliver it to others, even if the “others” never appear. It is the truth that we give that enables a higher possibility for the life that we might want to live.
I continue to live a life of anonymity, while adoring all of life, with its eternal challenges for all of us for being fully present for it. Enjoy, and prosper from this message, if it is appropriate for you. May the inquisitive reader find that which has been eternally sought for, by those forced onto the path of truth by their own interior GPS. Following new paths of consciousness towards the “truth” can be an exceedingly long, though, ultimately, satisfying journey. The sun gets so hot sometimes, on Life’s endless highway, enjoy the shade whenever necessary!
His Master’s Voice
When the Master Speaks, WE LISTEN!
It is this belief in a power larger than myself and other than myself which allows me to venture into the unknown and even the unknowable.
— Maya Angelou
Beginning on May 24th, and extending through July 21st, 1987, I had a series of three spiritual “events” which, to this day, guide and direct the consciousness presently unfolding within me. I have had other conscious contacts with the “Mystery”, but these three spiritual experiences provided the pillars to support all of my further movements through the Spirit. To not share my experiences, in this time of greatest need for our world, would be an act of selfishness, and hiding, on my part. I do not wish to dishonor the life that I now share with our Universe by keeping it secret. Sometimes, the “Conspiracy of Silence” that dominates human consciousness manifests itself by my silence around the activities of Grace, and my unwillingness to share my gifts with others.
Here is an important part of my story of personal transformation and self-discovery.
Beginning on the first Sunday after my first sober day in three years, March 22, 1987, I resumed attendance at Hinson Baptist Church, in southeast Portland. In my earnestness to follow the right path through this religion, I accepted a baptism, scheduled for May 28, 1987. Whenever I attended this church, I always dressed up in my nice blue pin stripe suit. I first bought this suit in 1984, specifically for church attendance when I was released from the Lovejoy Care Unit, a hospital dedicated to those recovering from drug addiction and alcoholism. I had been placed in the Care Unit in March of 1984, at the request of the Employee Assistance Program from the US Postal Service, where I had worked from 1975 until my termination in 1985.
In recovery groups, there is a term called our “look good”. We try to present a pleasing exterior to the world, even though our personal inner world may be in total disarray. Those who understand the principle of “look good” will understand the need for a suit to attend church. We try to “fit in” on the outside, even though we do not necessarily feel a kinship with the people we may be presently associating with. The suit is helpful to provide information to others that we belong in their “tribe”. Yet we also know that if we compared our insides to their insides, there would be little possibility for honest connection, due to the shame, hiding, lack of self-esteem, and lack of a developed faith in the ideas that the others may claim to be adhering to. Recovery groups also advise us to “fake it until we make it”, and for some through extended play acting they may actually live into the truth that they do not presently entertain as real to themselves.
I attended Hinson Baptist Church, first while connecting with a new healing potential while within the Care Unit for Alcoholic Recovery. I then continued my attendance after my release from the Unit with a fellow recovering patient at the Care Unit, Steve. S, who had been a member of that church most of his life. After my relapse back into alcoholism and addiction from recovery in June of 1984, after almost 90 days of sobriety, I discontinued all attendance at that church. I was to begin a “search for truth” beginning on January 28, 2016, after my life had totally fallen apart. After I had reemerged from my “underworld experience” of 1986-1987, I had assumed that reintegration back into a familiar church setting might be appropriate. I followed a familiar path offered to me by the Baptist church, which was to accept a “baptism”.
On the weekend prior to my baptism, I received my first ever conscious “visitation of the spirit”. On May 24, 1987. I had a deeply personal, spiritual event. It manifested in my experience, for lack of a better description, as having the feeling of being held in the loving arms of an “infinite motherly presence”, and I felt like I was being “reborn” as a person as a result (I will further develop this experience later in this work).
During my baptism ceremony, I spoke loquaciously about Spirit to a big audience, most of whom were strangers to me, save my parents and my grandmother. My father later stated that I missed my calling, and that I should have become a minister. When I described my spiritual experience to the minister after the baptism, he requested that I attend a training to get my “beliefs” more in alignment with the structure that the American Baptist church accepts. He was amused and perplexed by my “performance” at the baptism, and he stated to me that I needed to have a better understanding of the philosophical requirements for becoming a true “Baptist” in faith.
Really?
The minister misunderstood my experience, as it represented a direct connection with the God of my spiritual understanding, and not his. This was to be one of the many introductions that I had to the patriarchal values which dominated American Christianity.
During this period of time, I also needed to get tested for AIDS, since I had relations with at least two women who had sex with bi-sexual men. I also had my own intravenous drug activity, during my darker days in my “underworld tour” of 1986-1987. I was looking for some support during this time, as the threat of a death by AIDS was quite real to many of us. Though I had finally decided to “live”, I was plagued by death terrors that AIDS promised to all who suffered from it during those times. I found that there was NO SUPPORT TO BE FOUND, at the Baptist Church, where all people with the potential for having AIDS were regarded as outcasts from GOD, and undeserving of support or respect from the “good Christian folks”. This helped to cement my understanding that our religious institutions exist to support something other than just our “spiritual natures”, and their ignorance of such things causes the injection of some really unhealthy outlooks on life and love into the collective mindsets of their parishioners.
The last straw for me was when the lead minister claimed that of all of God’s creatures, only man has a soul, and that all of earth’s creatures have no basic spiritual essence, I was aghast. A religion that makes such a claim for man by uplifting its own standing in God’s universe by reducing the spiritual standing of his animal brothers and sisters is Ptolemaic, self-centered and egotistical to the absolute extreme, and another supporting reason as to why our earth is under such attack right now. As an individual searching for the “Truth Of Being” I thought it was best to steer clear of organized religion, where truth is not so much a sacred value, but instead more a medium for ignorance and a marketable commodity that also is used to help keep people philosophically controlled, and united in one particular way of looking at life. Historically, religion in general remains the primary avenue for the proliferation of ignorance among the people who don’t have the insight or take the time to think for themselves.
I was to be educated by a new teacher, a recovering alcoholic by the name of Jack Boland, who had released to the world many series of tapes on recovery and spirituality. I was given one of his tape series of recovery by a co-worker at the Fred Meyer warehouse, John Johnson, of whom I will be eternally grateful to, on May18, 1987. I worked there for several weeks under a temporary contract through a temp agency. When John heard from me that I was attending church to try to find God and Truth, he smiled, and he said to me that he had something special for me that might be more appropriate to my needs. The tape series was called “Twelve Steps To A Spiritual Experience”, and it was comprised of three 45 minute long tapes.
I listened to these tapes over and over, during the Memorial Day weekend, and something miraculous happened afterwards, probably as a result of my openness to the experience brought about by listening to these tapes, and practicing some simple steps. By this time I was two months “clean and sober”, when I had the most remarkable of experiences.
12 Steps Revised To Reflect My Experience
1. Through our own extended suffering, we finally found the desire to want it to end. We admitted that when we become self-destructively habituated to any substance, situation, or relationship, we lose our freedom of choice, bring unnecessary trauma into our lives, and into the lives of others, and fail to achieve any lasting sense of inner peace and joy. We finally realize that our lives have been lived unconsciously, and they have become unmanageable as a result of that neglect.
2. With our new found hope and openness for change, came the desire to begin to awaken to higher possibilities for our lives. We realized that, in our essence, we have an interior, though neglected, power that will heal us and restore us to balance, if we pursue it in earnest. We now realize that we have not been living up to our full potential as human beings.
3. We made a decision to turn our will, and our lives, over to the care of our higher interior power. We become open to the possibility of embracing a new Truth for our lives. We want to access the power to continuously evolve, and we want to cultivate our heart to be more loving to ourselves and to others. We decide to let go of ANYTHING that impedes our progress towards happiness, healing and wholeness. We realize that without the deepest of desires, and intentions, to change our behavior, we will not be transformed.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We have lived a life without a high sense of self-esteem, and we have made unfortunate choices because of the scarcity consciousness that has resulted from it. We realize that when we find the blocks to our evolution, and become willing to remove them, our new found insight will guide our paths with precision to the Truth of our existence. This is our entrance onto the path of mindfulness and higher consciousness.
5. We admitted that we were not being truthful with ourselves and with others, and by talking with another who we may trust, yet not be beholden to, about our errors in judgement and in actions towards our self and others, we can better deal with the shame and self-judgement that so often arises from the deadly secrets that we once felt that we must keep. Just by honestly talking with someone else, our burdens can be lifted. Our secrets need no longer keep us imprisoned, and mentally ill.
6. We became entirely willing to let go of our attachments to unhealthy attitudes, behavior, and people. We wish to see clearly, without the limitations of our past, of our family history, and of our cultural conditioning, with all of their embedded trauma.
7. We open our hearts through humility and the willingness to change to embrace a new possibility for our life. Our new found sense of connection with our higher interior power inspires us to become more grateful for the gifts that we now have, and we are now spiritually preparing to finally give back to the world in a meaningful, positive way. We want to finally let go of all of the emotional charged memories which keep us trapped in a dead past. We may begin to rejoice, as our past demons are now becoming transformed into our present angels.
8. While we were unconscious to our higher potential as human beings, we brought emotional, spiritual and perhaps even physical harm to other innocent beings, and we want to try bring healing and peace to those who have suffered from the effects of our ignorance. We realize that through the mirror of all of our relationships, dysfunctional or otherwise, we are granted a view into how we truly see ourselves. We want to see through the eyes of Truth, and not through the pain and suffering that unfulfilled relationships may have brought to us.
9. We made direct amends wherever possible to all people we may have brought harm to, except when to do so would bring further injury to them or to others. Our guilt will not be assuaged at the expense of others. We make full application of our new found wisdom, and our renewed desire to bring no harm to any sentient being. We want our world, and our own personal sense of self, to feel safe from further attacks from us, and our honest disclosure of our mistakes to those impacted by our errors in judgement will continue to support that intention.
10. We continued to take personal inventory, and, when wrong, promptly admit it. We have become honest with ourselves. We practice mindfulness, and continue to develop our capacity for insight into ourselves. We now know ourselves, and we now know many of the potential impediments to experiencing and expressing the Truth of our being. We no longer solely abide in old modes of thought, and now we are more focused on the beauty of the present moment.
11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the Truth of our being, praying only for knowledge of Truth, and the willingness to live within its infinite domain. We now understand that this whole process of recovery is a meditation on life, and that the evolving, healing life that we are now experiencing is our living prayer. We finally realize that the capacity to change, to evolve, to grow in our infinite spirit is the whole point of our human existence. We are now traveling upon new paths of consciousness.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we attempted to carry our message of recovery to our world, while continuing to practice these principles in all our affairs. We have finally become whole, and are now conscious, caring human beings. We have accepted full personal responsibility for our lives, including our past, and our present, and no longer blame anyone for who we are now. We are now experiencing prosperity on many levels, and have witnessed the healing of ourselves. We have saved the world—from ourselves. Our life is now our truest teacher. We realize that we have no power to bring salvation to others, yet, it is our responsibility to point to the way of healing for others who may still be suffering, and who may finally become interested in overcoming their own limitations.
Be mindful, oh Mankind, of all of the painful secrets that we must keep,
For, by our suffering silence, we will not awaken, but just die powerless, and asleep.
—–Elisha Scott
On May 24, 1987, as I was driving toward Beaverton to visit Randy (longtime friend and fellow “party monster”), a wonderful vision came to me. It was the vision of a loving mother, holding a baby, and I felt the love of this wonderful UNIVERSE for the first time in my lifetime. There is the love we have for each other, for our friends, our pets, our children, our families, but this love that I felt flow into me, and though me, transported me into a heightened awareness, and awe. The beauty was too great to talk about, the feeling so overwhelming, so healing, so resurrecting. I had to stop my car on Canyon Blvd, and I got down on my knees and prayed my thankfulness to a CREATIVE FORCE that finally had found me receptive, and open, to its presence.
I made it to Randy’s house, and I met with him for the first time since my blackout experience (you will have to read my book for those gory details-no deaths, but there were gunshots). Randy could not believe his eyes, he said
“Bruce, what has happened to you? You look different, you look happy. You look at peace. You have changed!!!”
Yes, I had changed. I started talking to Randy about my experience, and Randy started to get tingling sensations up and down his spine. The hairs on his arms starting sticking up straight off of his arms! Randy exclaimed
“Bruce, what is going on. When you talk, I start to tingle all over. What has happened?”
“Well, I think that I am having an experience with God, Randy.” I said.
“Bruce, that kind of an experience is not for me right now, but I am sure happy that you are having it, because you needed something different in life really bad, and really quick. I feared for your life!”
How right he was! I only wished that Randy could find the will to want something better for himself, but, alas, he never did. Randy died in 2013, still smoking cigarettes and drinking excessively. Randy died in his car, which he had just parked in his driveway after returning from Subway sandwiches. He was 57 years old at the time of his death, at the exact same age as his father died. I still feel his loss.
Randy with my parents and me, during Thanksgiving of 1993
The vision of a loving mother (actually, the Mona Lisa), holding a baby, came with a feeling of the love of this wonderful UNIVERSE for me for the first time in my lifetime. This love that I felt flow into me, and through me, transported me into a heightened awareness, and awe. The beauty was too great to talk about, the feeling so overwhelming, so healing, so resurrecting. Later, I was taught to understand that this energy is the Divine Feminine, of which our patriarchal world continues to suppress daily, and has successfully done so, more or less, for at least the last 2400 years). The wonderful feelings that accompanied that vision became known to me as divine horripilations.
The image of the Mona Lisa holding a baby is a fascinating, enlightening image. It was reported some time back that Leonardo DaVinci had painted the Mona Lisa as a self-portrait of himself, in feminine form. His message is subject to interpretation, but in today’s terms, he was honoring his feminine side, or nature. He saw that the source of all creativity came from this mysterious, non-conscious center within himself where feelings of wonder, awe, mystery, and sensitivity to and compassion for others arises from. His mission was to symbolically represent the divine within himself, through the most effective medium of the day, which was painting. My own consciousness chose this as a healing image for myself, and I also saw how this feminine side carried all of the divine love and deep feelings of goodness that I had ever wanted for myself. I was literally re-birthing myself, and this image of the mother holding the baby pictorially represented that new birth to perfection.
I still was not healed and whole, as my body was still wracked with pain, I was constantly shaking, and I still had that annoying chatter in my mind. I was experiencing the symptoms of schizophrenia, and I still thought that I could “hear” what people were thinking about me. I rationally countered my own insanity by challenging each of these observations, reaffirming to myself that if I did not hear these statements from the mouths of the people that I posited they came from, I was to ignore them. It was quite the challenge, for sure!
I still occasionally felt those “divine horripilations” that seemed to remind me that I had touched something extraordinary in nature. I stayed obsessively involved with AA and NA, attending 270 meetings in 90 days, and I continued my prayers and meditations. I started reading several great spiritual works by M.Scott Peck, such as The Road Less Traveled, and People of the Lie: Hope For Healing Human Evil. Mr. Peck spoke to most of my issues, and problems that I had with Toxic Religion, and I felt like I had found a friend and another teacher of truth. I still had some free time to explore around, and I would take overnight trips into the wilderness, to “get close to Nature, and to God”. The feeling of love that I carried with me from the May 24th experience had started to fade by the middle of June, but I still felt blessed, and I was hopeful that continued recovery from my devastating mental illness and neurological trauma might continue.
“HE IS HAVING AN EXPERIENCE WITH GOD”
It was June 22, 1987, and I was hiking up to Larch Mountain, a beautiful peak that overlooks the Columbia River valley, and from its vantage point all of the major mountain peaks of the area can be readily observed. In the ancient times (I was to learn several years later) this area was considered sacred ground by the indigenous peoples, who came to this area from miles around to honor their Great Spirit, and to hold their sacred ceremonies and prayer rituals. I arrived at the top, and allowed myself to become as quiet as my mind would allow for. I slowly did a 360 degree rotation, observing for the many miles around me, in all directions, the incredible beauty of the area, the mountain peaks of Rainier, Adams, St. Helens, Hood, Jefferson, and the great winding river called the Columbia River. It felt as if I were on the top of a great observatory, and, today, I was the only person with this special view, and I was quite grateful just to be alive, and have this privilege. I bypassed a guard rail, and I then climbed around the rocky peak so as to be hidden from the view from anyone. With the additional privacy that I had created for myself, I then felt comfortable enough to begin to pray and meditate for just a little while. I was pretty poor at this activity, as my mind refused to quiet itself. But, at least I made myself available to Spirit, in the way that felt appropriate to me.
Larch Mountain, near observation deck
My nervous system was still quite compromised from all of the poisoning caused by the chemistry experiments masquerading as methamphetamine/crank that I had ingested over the past 18 months, in addition to continued heavy alcohol abuse. I had been clean and sober for 3 months, but total recovery seemed out of the question at this point. I had been a drug addict and alcoholic, more or less, since I was 15 years old, but the last 18 months had really taken a toll.
My health was improving a little, but I still was having physical tremors, almost identical to Parkinson’s disease, and I was also experiencing the psychological discomfort of “hearing voices”, a delusional activity within my mind which consisted, at this point, of mentally generated feedback about whatever I was observing, or doing at the time. The voices were nothing more than my own thoughts, yet, in my mind, they appeared to be coming from a center not of my self-aware self, but of something, or someone, not quite me. It literally was like having a play by play announcer operating in my mind, who verbalized everything that was happening, as it happened, with no color commentary added to it (it was a “third person” perspective, with a running monologue documenting anything that my consciousness was focusing on at any particular moment).
I had an uncomfortable relationship to these mental processes, and I did not report this to medical professionals, fearing that I would be hospitalized, or placed on the same destructive medications that I had seen administered to my mentally ill ex-wife. I had resigned myself to a life of marginal mental health, at best. Yet, I had no choice, either pursue the “truth” and see what manner of healing it might bring to me, or give up on myself, and live out my years in suffering and with continued deterioration.
A light, warm breeze carried the fragrance of the nearby pine trees to me, drawing me away from the problems of my body, and of my mind. I continued to be absorbed by the beauty of the area, and the majesty of the unobstructed views. The mountain peaks began to feel closer to me, for some as yet unknown reason. I felt as though I could reach out and touch each of them. The river far below me felt close, very close, and the whole panorama seemed to be drawing nearer to me, and I began experiencing everything in a different way than I ever had before. And, for the 2nd time in a month, I started feeling possessed by an immense beauty and love.
A month ago I had experienced a “vision”, and, with its presence, all of my loneliness and depression had lifted. I attributed that temporary healing to the presence of the vision, and there had been a love that had flowed into me during its presence. The “vision” had disappeared, but it had left its memory of a beautiful, unconditional love, and with it, traces of hope, and the expectations that something was to follow, of some as yet unknown nature. Well, something was following now, and it was “closer than breathing, nearer than hands and feet”.
A voice inside of my head then stated, with its typical matter of fact nature,
“HE IS HAVING AN EXPERIENCE WITH GOD”.
I was no longer separate from that which I was viewing. Everything revealed itself as an extension of myself, of my own true nature. For the first time in my existence, I could see that, as far as I can see, all that I will ever see, unto eternity, is my self. Then, with a sense of all of my thoughts now being my own, I asked myself “how will I see myself today?” I saw that all of humanity was my true family. I saw that everybody was either my brother, or my sister, in this new, true nature that was revealed within me. I looked within myself, and for the first time in my life, I only saw peace, as well. The third person monologue had stopped!! I held my hands out before me, and my hands, which usually shook so bad that I could not even write my signature clearly, or use a spoon to eat from a bowl without making a mess, were steady! Peace had finally found me on a mountain peak, and I had finally found my true self. And, I had finally found that life, that TRUTH, I had been seeking since I know not when.
And, I had finally found what real recovery is. It is not just stopping drinking alcohol and using drugs obsessively. It is the decrease, and, ultimately, the elimination of all patterns of thought that keep me from caring for this world, and for all of the life upon it. I can’t be alive, and live life fully and holistically, without loving my fellow man, and all of the rest of the life upon our planet. Think of the love that we have for our newborn baby, or our favorite pet, feel that love completely, with no reservations at all. We spare none of our hearts or souls, do we? Can we give this love to all of the plants, insects, and animal life, aquatic and land based, upon this planet? Now think of that family member or acquaintance who is causing us so much distress, so much anger, even hatred. Anger is not bad, or evil, unless it becomes entrenched within our being, and institutionalized within our society as racism, misogyny, xenophobia, or other forms of hatred. Can we give the same love that we would for our baby to that person who we are distressed with? If we can’t let go of those negative emotions, then that is an example of our separation from God, or Truth. I don’t have to travel to the underworld again to find that truth, or to look for somebody who might listen to me.
“WHERE ARE MY PEOPLE?”
became the question of the day, after I hiked the short distance back down to my car.
I then drove towards Portland, from Larch Mountain, and was guided to go to NE 73rd and Glisan, where the US Postal Service’s EAP program was based. I walked into the door, and I was greeted by both Larry and Mike. The last time that I had seen Mike was when he visited me in the Care Unit 3 years before. Larry had been the director of the EAP-employee assistance program-since I could remember. I called out to them by name, yet neither man immediately recognized me. When I mentioned my name, they were both blown away. I was happy, or, more precisely, ebullient, and Mike said that I was simply “radiant”. They wanted to know what was going on with me, and I stated, with a matter of fact attitude, that I was having a “spiritual experience”, and they both gave me a huge hug and acknowledgement.
Inspired by this reception, I returned to the Main Post Office, and checked in with the Personnel Department, where Eleanor Workman was the head of the department. My father and Eleanor were friends prior to my father’s retirement from the USP in 1982. She immediately recognized me.
“Bruce, it is so great to see you again! Wow, you are looking healthy and happy! I have thought of you often since your termination. Please, let me give you an application to reapply for your lost position.”
“No thank you, Eleanor, I just wanted to express my apologies for working for this company in such an unhappy manner for so many years”.
“Bruce, you could get the job back with little problem, since the Post Office knew that they fired you even though you were still a practicing alcoholic. “
“Eleanor, what would make me the happiest is if you could schedule a meeting between me and the head of Plant Maintenance, John Zimpleman. “
Well, he was “in”, so I went right up, and I had a direct opportunity to make amends to him for my poor performance from 1980-1985. He greeted me warmly, listened to my story, was quite impressed, and then stated”
“Bruce, I wish that my son could discover what you just found, because John Jr. was rapidly descending to your former level. I accept your amends, and I wish you well in your future!”
Wow, this day of amends went so well, I remained ecstatic about all future interpersonal possibilities.
One day that next week, while visiting our world famous Powell’s Book Store on Burnside in Portland, I saw my old psychiatrist, Dr. Dan Beavers. He was standing in the metaphysical section of the book store. I walked up to him, and he did not immediately recognize me. I stuck my hand out to him, and re-introduced myself to him.
“Bruce, this can’t be you, can it? Last time I saw you, I was wondering how much longer you could survive if the medication did not turn your life around.”
“Dan, the medication worked just fine. I never used it, at least not in the way that you would have intended for me to use it. I actually carried it around with me for over one year, prepared to use it for my suicide if I did not find a reason to live. I finally found a new way to live life without medication, drugs, or alcohol. I now accept full personal responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and activities”.
“Bruce, that is the desired outcome for all of my patients. Congratulations on your success!”
I gave Dr. Dan a hug, and apologized for using him like a tool in my effort to manipulate my former employer, the US Postal Service. He said that I did not need to make amends to him, and that he was there for me to serve all of my needs, whether I considered them dysfunctional or otherwise. But it still felt good to see Dr. Dan and show him my healthier sense of self. I was to never see Dr. Dan again. When I recently saw his obituary for his premature death in 2015, I felt great sorrow, and cried.
In the continued interest of “finding my people”, I attend the INTA Conference in Portland In August of 1987 (International New Thought Alliance). The person that I was most interested in seeing was Jack Boland, the recovering alcoholic who had started a SUPER CHURCH in Minnesota, with well over 5000 members. He also had a following of many hundreds of thousands of recovering people worldwide, as his approach to spirituality, sobriety, and healing was pretty universal. The integration into this new community was a fascinating immersion into a group energy that I had never experienced before.
I WAS SO HIGH THERE!!!
I got to see firsthand a group of well over 1000 people warmly embrace the musical group Alliance, which starred Jerry Florence. They had some hits in the 1980’s, and they were a group of gay men who all had HIV’/AIDS. Having recently left that “evil” Hinson Baptist Church where gays were bashed regularly, this was like a breath of life to a drowning man, even though I had no homosexual tendencies. The tenderness that I felt towards Jerry Florence and the group of men that constituted Alliance still lives in me today, and I still have tears today for the suffering of all people who have been judged as unworthy or just
Marsha (Masha) Feldman was a beautiful Jewish woman, of Russian descent, who sat directly across the aisle from me at the Jack Boland talk. For some reason she came over to ME after Jack’s talk, and began a friendship with me that was to last for over one year. She had lived quite the life, hanging out with many of the most beautiful people that Portland, Oregon had to offer. She had hung around rich men with their fancy cars, homes, and clothing. She had told me that she spent much time with weight lifting men, many of whom worshiped their own bodies. Some were bi-sexual, and she was a little concerned that she might have made contact with the AIDS virus. She was suffering from an unspecified auto-immune deficiency, and she would not tell me what it was. She was a princess of sorts, and expected to be treated that way. Why she latched onto me is anybody’s guess, but I am sure that there was an underlying spiritual reason for this connection.
Masha was troubled and had recently visited her rabbi for some support. Her rabbi had informed her, in the interests of her own personal happiness and sense of well-being, that she should give up on understanding “GOD”, and to instead pursue more ‘grounded’ approaches to her physical and emotional health and welfare. She certainly had the physical aspect mastered, as she worked out daily, and kept her physical energy and beautiful appearance at as high of a level as possible.
The International New Thought Alliance conference of 1987 was part of her higher involvement in the social activities of her community, both inside and outside the Jewish culture. We traveled all over Portland together, visiting various recovery and spiritual groups for the first time together. We delighted in discussing with each other all manners of healing and methodologies for achieving higher spiritual experience. Hey, it felt wonderful to have a new friend on my spiritual journey. As a direct result of this connection, we visited the YWCA of Portland, on 10th avenue. Every Sunday there was a tape group meeting hosted by Marie Schmidt, a student of Joel Goldsmith, the creator of the healing movement “The Infinite Way”. Since Masha was Jewish too, like Joel, she had an immediate connection, though it did not last long for her. I continued with the Infinite Way for several years afterward (and I still practice some of their principles today).
As I moved forward spiritually in that great summer of 1987, I was still quite new to the path of healing and transformation. I had left my old life behind, and I was open to the experience of spiritual connection, and mastery. I had developed quite a meditation practice, eschewing committed relationships with others in order to develop a deeper spiritual practice. I remained excited about the possibilities for my life, as I had finally made “conscious contact with the God of my understanding”. I had recently experienced dramatic, if not miraculous, healing of my body and my mind, and a new energy permeated my being. I felt like I was finally “swimming in the sea of meaning”, though I still had not “connected the dots”, or started consciously rebuilding the new self. But, I could have never anticipated the experience I was about to have, on this particular day, July 21, 1987.
The Master Teacher
“Master Teacher of the Light, Master Teacher of the Light” I repeated within myself several times during an evening meditation, which is a mantra that I had developed to aid my focus for my meditation practice. I was meditating several hours a day, and though my life was bearing fruit from previous connections with the Spirit, I remained driven to find deeper and deeper layers of meaning, and experience of my true nature and being. Well, this meditation was to become Truth’s “bell ringer” for me. Without warning, I was lifted from my body awareness, and I then had a sense that I now had a decision to make. It was like I was driving an automobile, and I realized that I could continue steering, and heading in my usual direction for life, or I could “let go of the controls” and experience something totally different and unique.
I released the “steering wheel” of my mind, and my conditioning, and there was an exhilarating inner “rush” whereby I was totally released from myself and what was left of my old psychological set, and my burdens, and my body! My essence traveled into a great unknown, neither “light or dark”, and it was like I passed through some sort of great matrix of information/being. I had entered into a dimension of experience where infinite interconnected structures of alive and intelligent energy were manifest. I did not recognize what I was witnessing, nor do I have the words to adequately represent this “web”. Later, I was to learn that this matrix was the very collective consciousness of mankind, with all of its intelligence, and its stupidity. I quickly flashed by what was, at this point in my life, that unrecognizable and unnameable energy, and began almost a half spiral downward, where I came to a place of complete “darkness”, or emptiness. I felt totally at home here. I felt as if I was in the womb of all creation. It felt like it held everything in the universe, yet there was nothing at all to witness here, at least initially..
Almost immediately, a “laughing, happy voice” seemed to be speaking to me, or, more precisely, through me, in this “secret place of the most high”. Messages floated through, like
“No teacher shall effect salvation, I must work it out for myself”, and,
“think no thoughts”, with
“Follow new paths of consciousness”,
And then, a mathematical formula for re-entry back into the great unknown was given to me. It was a differential equation that I could understand, and which stated (in layman’s terms) that with the total elimination of the movement of time based thought, the direct perception of reality was possible. The limit, as delta T goes to zero (T is thought as a function of time), divided by delta t (t is time itself), delta is the “change in”, or as LIM dT/dt, as dt approaches zero, with T=f(t). The solution of this equation is the great unknown, INFINITY, or that which I sought. The difference between spiritual “being” and human “becoming” took on mathematical and spiritual significance for me on the deepest level.
The final messages, however, were the one most difficult to reconcile within my life, and the ones which remained troubling for me through the subsequent years. First, there is this component:
“YOU CAN’T BE REAL”.
When it was stated, it was stated through me, with a joyful, laughing voice, yet when I re-entered my normal way of being, it became an almost threatening statement, and one that continued to challenge myself, and my ego daily for quite some time. And yet, to see again, as God, or Truth, sees, I must be mastered by this truth. The ego is the sum total of all of my judgments, the sum total of my human experience, my acculturation, my conditioning, my “separation from God, Love, my fellow-man, and Truth”. The ego looks out from itself, and sees everything, and everyone, as if they are separate from its self, while totally failing to see that “all that it ever sees, unto eternity, is itself”. There really does not exist the “you” that I have formed, my perception of “you” is an incomplete mental creation that only exists in my mind, and which may or may not be shared by others, and most certainly is NOT shared by you.
The human race tends to confuse the verbal description (or mental image) of the person with the actual experience of the person, who, regardless of appearances, is infinitely more complex, and worthy of love and acceptance, than the human mind can readily accept. My ego is the sum total of all of my time based thoughts about time based behaviors of myself, and others. If I want to see clearly, I must accept that my main mode of viewing the world was through the ego’s eyes of time-based judgements and the unreality that this creates. To die to this mode of living is to truly be reborn of the spirit.
To “follow new paths of consciousness”, while knowing that “you can’t be real” sets up quite a transformational dynamic within consciousness. If “you” can’t be real, then everything that I associate with “I” is preeminent. Every time I identify with a person, a process, or a place, I have created either a “new path of consciousness”, or I have reaffirmed some older, more familiar, potentially worn out path that I have already been traveling upon. “I am an electrician”, or “I am an alcoholic”, or “I am a son of Beryl and Corinne Paullin”, or “I am full of shit”, or “I am a lonely, isolated person”, or “I am angry with X,Y, Z”, or WHATEVER I associate my self, my “I am” with, either continues my path in old directions, or creates the imperative to create new words, thoughts, and experiences around a new direction. I could just as easily say “I am no longer traveling old paths of consciousness”, and then STOP thinking time-based thoughts, and rehashing and rehearsing old memories, to create a new life experience for myself. I would then have to trust in a “Higher Power”, “the Unknown”, and the “Mystery” to create my new “timeless self” in each unique moment.
Lastly, a most confusing revelation came, as well. I could see the field of energy that constituted my “body/mind awareness”. I saw embedded in it two almost complete thought forms, or identity forms, which I recognized as two distinct “entities”. Yes, I had two ‘extras’ attached to my field, and they were not there for my greater good, for sure. They were the psychic internalization of cumulative childhood trauma that I had experienced. I came to regard these two unwelcome components to my life force as “tricksters”, though I noted that their presence seemed to allay the feelings of loneliness of my ego, perhaps only because they seemed vaguely familiar to me. They appeared to be almost “caricatures’ of two unique people. I sensed that I was supposed to let go of these “illusions of self”, but I did not know what to do. I was to learn later, much later, after my father’s death, that these two tricksters were creations that I had made in my youth of my parents intentions for me, including my unhealthy attachments and historical reactions to their points of view.
The two extra identity vortices in the ‘human energy field matrix’ that constituted my conscious sense of self did not really ever disappear, they just became unconscious again, for me. I later was to associate them with two “black holes” in consciousness which swirled around my lack of self worth and the fear of death.. Little did I know that they were to become the most critical components to understand in my desire to form a better ongoing human/spiritual experience. I now understood the basis for the potential for the development of “multiple personalities disorder”. I saw how the whole human race suffered from this disorder, to varying degrees. Schizophrenia, oppression of others, repression of self and feelings, passive/aggressive behavior, people pleasing, prejudice, racism, misogyny and the like all shared a common foundation.
All of these teachings were too much to digest in that moment, in that year of 1987, and for many years to follow. But, this is a true path of humility, to finally see in its totality the shortcomings of the human mind, and to become willing to go beyond it. It was all so fresh and new to me and I was not the best communicator around the experience. I had no one to discuss this earth shattering spiritual event with, save one person, Masha. I knew that everybody else would think that I had gone insane, so I kept this inner teaching a secret to everybody else for many years to follow.
Masha, my new friend, was an amazing listener, and such a good friend, that we struggled through the teachings together. We talked endlessly about our ‘spiritual experiences’, discussed the enlightened ‘masters’ of the day, traveled and explored through the Columbia Gorge together, attended recovery meetings, slept under the stars together, slept in her apartment together, yet we never made love, as I was not to be her “prince charming”, as she related to me fairly early on. I continued to see Masha as an extension of my ‘search for truth’ process where I remained celibate, so I was not too disturbed for that to continue (for most of my life, sex had not been all that satisfying for me). Yes, this was yet another rejection of me on a pretty basic level, but I was relatively unaffected by it. This rejection did not darken my life because of all of the other light that was being let in.
We continued to hang out together, and spent lots of quality time with each other in platonic, yet blissfully loving, situations in various settings around our area. Two of our favorite areas to visit were in Mosier, near the Tom McCall overlook at the Columbia River, and Washington Park, near her apartment in southwest Portland. I continued to struggle to make sense of the three spiritual upheavals, or revelations, that happened over the period of May 24 through July 21, 1987, and attempted to understand other available teachings.
The search for Truth continued, yet I had finally found my own unique path towards it.
“YOU” can’t be real, continued!
I have always known that there is something fundamentally wrong with the way that we, as humans, live our lives, and communicate with each other. I have not always known what the source of my own disease was, however. My disease of misunderstanding drove me to the brink of death, into insanity, drug addiction, despair, loneliness, and suicidal ideation. My life could only be characterized, by the time I had turned thirty years old in 1985, as a committed search for the grave.
In 1987, I experienced a series of real spiritual transformational events, resulting in the miraculous healing of my body and mind. There was such a huge disconnect between the consciousness of the “old ways”, the “diseased”, the “dying” aspects of myself, and a new order of being that was trying to discard the “old me”. My old misunderstanding of life, and of myself, was to be replaced by another version of my infinite potentiality. It was a remarkable time, and people who knew me then could feel the energy that was bubbling up within me. I had found a newborn enthusiasm for life, living, and a healthy re-integration back into the flow of humanity, Humanity, alas, did not collectively share in my inner experience, nor could it.
I traveled all around the City of Portland, much like I did when I sank into its underworld, on my original search for truth. I no longer visited the drug dealers, manufacturers, itinerant thieves, motorcycle gang hit men, or any of the other characters that helped to enlighten me while I traveled the road of darkness. I now met with, literally, thousands of people who were new to me, in a multitude of different group experiences, to engage with and get to know “my people”. When I literally, and spiritually, came off of the mountaintop on June 22, 1987, an intention planted into my heart was to locate “MY PEOPLE”. My life had changed, and so did the nature of the people that I was to become interested in , and who became attracted to me, as well.
On one of my journeys, I visited a crystal store, which was a new-age rock shop on Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway. The owner of the store stocked books which promoted some of the speculative spirituality of that time. Every day, many people congregated at that store. They appeared to be part of a well-meaning group of spiritual aspirants, yet I could not quite grasp the ideas that “spiritual masters”, or even ultra-evolved aliens, were communicating to the human race through these crystals, many of which were originally located in Brazil. Books had been written about them (such as the Starseed Trilogy), and there was a popular, though misguided, attraction to the possibility that these crystals had special powers. Even some of these supposedly evolved people had evaded the truth that their enlightened minds were the source or cause of special powers, and not any objects in the world of effect.
I had several conversations with Jack, the owner of the shop, as I visited the shop at least three times to look at books, and be conversant with this “new-age” community of people. I challenged him about selling some of these crystals to naive purchasers for several thousand dollars each. Jack, quite the economic and spiritual realist, claimed that he was only meeting a need, and not promoting an idea or agenda. After all, he is a capitalist now, and he needed to pay his bills.
One of our conversations had to do with what our responsibility as evolving, healing beings is to the rest of humanity, which continued to struggle with its own broken truth, as it had since time immemorial. Jack listened with great interest in what I had to say, as he always did. Jack had the capacity to listen to what was being said, acknowledge the person where they were, and point to a direction where they might want to look. In some sense of the word, Jack was a GURU. I was not attracted to GURU’s, however, as my nature tended to rebel against so-called authority figures.
My own “Master Teacher”, which revealed itself within me on July 21, 1987, in a most spectacular fashion, rejects the notion that any teacher can deliver to another their salvation. The inner message, received as if delivered by thunder in the silence of my being, was that “no teacher can bring salvation to others, it must be worked out within the self”. There were a few other messages delivered, as well as a few visions, but I did not have the context at the time to fully interpret and understand the totality of its life-changing, life-affirming message.
That is where personal experience must rise up and become incorporated within a new narrative, a narrative informed by the new energy, an energy that is more inclusive, and universal in its application. Without our personal story becoming married, as it were, to the new truth, life changing wisdom could not become part of our nature, nor could we become verbal around a new world order that was trying to reveal itself to all receptive beings.
I pondered with Jack the possibility of bringing healing to others, as I felt so blessed by my own healing, and I felt that I had something unique and precious to share with the world. Jack listened intently, as he always did, thought for a moment, then with a BIG SMILE stated simply:
“FUCK THE WORLD!”
I was confused, and asked for clarification.
“Bruce, the world could care less about your healing, and what new truth or messages that you might be able to bring to assist others in their journey. The world, as it now exists, exists for a reason. The whole fundamental consciousness has been established to make the common man feel OK about being less than who they are, in truth, and to limit and control those who might develop the insight to rebel against the established disorder. The whole of religion, and philosophy, was designed to help keep people in their darkness, while telling them that they are on the path to their own salvation through the belief in powers greater than themselves. It has always been about disempowering, and controlling, the population. Could you imagine how the powers of the age would respond if everybody sought for, and found, the Truth?, There would be chaos, and the world would collapse into a form of Armageddon. The world of religion, and this bastardized Christianity that Americans practice, is the ultimate form of oppression. And the oppressed BELIEVE that they are the chosen ones, while they subject themselves to the fantasies and hypnotism of their faiths”.
One of his final statements set me back in my chair, and I almost fainted.
“The “world” has created its own dysfunction, and revels in swimming in its own cesspool of misunderstanding, and there is NOTHING a sane man can do about it, other than just laugh at it.”
Though I felt a part of myself feel rejected by his statement, I also felt a resonance with his statement of truth.. I had lived a life of little or no value up to my transformation, and I felt that I finally had something to contribute to the world, yet here was a prominent figure lecturing me to turn my back on the world, and to just go out and enjoy my life, and LAUGH AT THE WORLD.
Here is the eerie part:
In the spiritual experience of July 21, 1987, when I first reached the “Master Teacher” within my own being, I had traveled, without my body (of thought, past consciousness, etc.) to a place of silence so deep and powerful, and which was subsequently perceived to be the very “womb of creation” of consciousness itself. It was there that I heard my own Master’s voice.
“You can’t be real”
was the message, laughingly expressed through the deepest silence, peace, and love that I had ever experienced. For a moment, I was allowed to “look through the eyes of God” and see that the entirety of the matrix of consciousness of the human experience was unreality itself. All that the “Truth” can do, is to laugh at it, and dismiss it.
And now Jack, two weeks later, was parroting the very idea that my “God” had revealed to me.
All that I knew was that I was a “guided missile” of the truth, and I was to have many more remarkable connections with evolving people over the next several years. These connections helped me to “flesh out” what had been revealed within myself by my own “Master Teacher”, or source of wisdom common to all of mankind when it chooses to access it.
I chose to be silent about my experience, for many years to follow. I carried a grin on my face that the despair of the world could not erase for several of the following years. I stopped “laughing at the world” when my responsibilities to my life increased.dramatically in the mid 1990’s, while, concurrently, my new, more spiritually inspired, persona developed. I was not to live the life of an acetic monk, or live the artificial, though idyllic, life of a member of an ashram. Traveling through the diseased world of form, with one’s need for eating and gainful employment, while witnessing the world’s corruption, its sin, suffering, and dying, tends to distract one from the truth that “all that is human, is illusion”.
And now, watching the drama continuously unfolding from within the White House from the Anti-Christ himself tends to be quite disturbing, and shows how twisted human consciousness may become. I am still attempting to “laugh at the world”, though my “God consciousness” appears to have dramatically ebbed, at least for now, and all that I can do, many times, is be anxious, and cry. I have known, at times, the darkest night of the Soul.
Unlike the years from 1987-1993, when I meditated up to six hours a day, and lived in a continuous blessed state, I am unable to meditate for longer than a half hour now. And, yes, the continuous blessed state is only a memory for me. I could return to it if I abandoned the world, but I love too much of the world and its infinitude of sights and sounds to do so at this time. Reading, writing, integration into nature, exercising outdoors, and conscious meditation upon day to day life now fills my day. Most days, I am at peace, and I feel fulfilled. The daily news remains a source of information, and I tend to avoid conservative points of view, opting for more liberal and progressive interpretations of reality.
I have recently attempted to write several books about the potential for the transformation of consciousness. To the best of my ability, I have translated the message from the ‘Master Teacher”, but I am not an adequate messenger, for sure. Publishers dislike my style, and editors have a problem with my tendency towards verbosity. Yet, potentially, we are all containers for Infinite Spirit, albeit broken ones, and that can be more than enough to bring a blessing to self, and to others.
All that I can now say is this:
Welcome to the ILLUSION.
Please, enjoy yourself while you are here.
Discard all of our knowns and conclusions into the universal dumpster, and live from the state of “unknowing”, where insight and new knowledge may be spawned. There is only one Mind, and it can only be experienced in the “unknown”. Intelligence and its active agent, curiosity, only thrive when one is not permanently committed to a point of view.
Changing our consciousness is a natural and normal experience, when we are not suffering under the infinite weight of the oppressive nature of collective consciousness. Drinking alcohol, using drugs, spinning madly on a merry-go-round, jumping out of airplanes, or even traveling to outer space is the expression of our natural need for change. The key is not to become addicted to the avenues chosen for release, for then they become new forms of oppression for our hearts. Permanent release, liberation, or enlightenment, occurs, when one loses attachment to the world of form and effect, its accumulated verbal constructs, and all forms of release, with its accompanying pleasure and pain.
If you are not enjoying the show, remember, you are the co-creator of it. Try changing the channel, and see what happens.
Pain is inevitable, though many forms of suffering are optional
There must be the DEEPEST of desires to find the truth, and the DEEPEST of intentions to not neglect it in the face of attacks from others.
The human “Conspiracy Of Silence” points to the FACT that mankind covers itself with illusory verbal constructs, and worships the illusion as if it is fact. The Truth remains forever buried, thus, the foundation for the “conspiracy” is created, and maintained, throughout eternity.
The truth that I live is the only truth that I can give.
I have saved the world from myself, and there really is nothing more for me to do, save witness the suffering of others, and point my finger to a potential new direction for those who choose to awaken.
Those that do not choose to awaken, will remain stick figures in other people’s dream of world domination.
Hildegard of Bingen, the great German mystic and writer from the 12th century, became ill whenever she did not write. The same experience has become the truth for myself, and, potentially, may be the truth for all of mankind. Collectively, we are terminally ill.
Please, save yourself.
And write a great story, or book!
Jiddhu Krishnamurti, truth, and the mystery within our being.
The following material is for those readers with intense philosophical and spiritual curiosity. In “truth” it may not be for anybody. This post is inspired by my relationship with the teacher, and the teachings of Jiddhu Krishnamurti, and a universal truth forever available to any sincere seeker.
The thoughts, beliefs, and experiences that tell us that all that we, and each other, are is our past and our memories, is the tomb that we as individuals, and as a part of cultural collective consciousness, imprison ourselves within.—Bruce Paullin
How might one liberate their self, and experience the Mystery, the Unknown, and the Unknowable?
While both attending college in the early 1980’s, and in my early stages of “awakening” in 1987, I had read several books by important authors on atheism, philosophy and a few of the important religions of the world, including Christianity, Buddhism (emphasis on Tibetan variations), Taoism, Islam, and Hinduism. My intention was not to become better educated in the way others saw God, or themselves, however. I had a purely selfish need in the years following the 1987 revolution within my own heart and soul. I wanted confirmation that I was either insane, or that I had actually “found and experienced truth”, in whatever form that I had received and accepted it at that time and in the years that were to follow.
Jiddu Krishnamurti lived from 1894 through 1986, and was considered a world teacher by many. He saw the need for, and pointed the way to a new collective and individual intelligence as well as anybody who has ever lived. My first exposure to his work was a reading of a paperback book by Krishnamurti, called The Only Revolution, early in 1988.. I had known little of Krishnamurti prior to this time, but after reading this book, I saw, for the first time, a teacher and a teaching that almost identically represented what I had experienced “on the inner plane” of awareness during the apocalyptic meditations and revelations of the summer of 1987. Keep in mind that the word apocalypse literally means the ending of time, which I experienced in meditation. Psychological time ends with the ending of human thought, which never happens for the vast majority of humanity.
Krishnamurti spoke almost poetically, and at length about the potential for experiencing truth, the truth that comes with the ending of knowledge, memory, and psychological time, or, the actual ending of the ego, or self. He described how the mind fragments into various perspectives, creates a main integrator to keep that fragmented consciousness fairly structured, yet fails to perceive that everything that he sees is his own broken self, One of his favorite expressions was “the observer IS the observed”.
He states unequivocally that “you” as both an individual self, and as an image created by “you” of somebody else, is unreal, without truth or substance, and does not exist other than some illusory conceptual creation of thought.
He talked about the need for liberation, liberation from the culture, the religion, and the teachers that have been created to continue the individual’s imprisonment within society, and which unconscious and semi-conscious individuals within society keep promoting to their own self, and to others. No teacher can effect salvation, it must be worked out within ones own mind, and heart.
To quote Krishnamurti:
“Our whole social and intellectual structure is based on the idea of gain, of achievement; and when mind and heart are held by the idea of gain, there cannot be true living, there cannot be the free flow of life. Isn’t that so? If you are constantly looking to the future, to an achievement, to a gain, to a hope, how can you live completely in the present? How can you act intelligently as a human being? How can you think or feel in the fullness of the present when you are always keeping your eye on the distant future? Through our religion, through our education, we are made as nothing, and being conscious of that nothingness, we want to gain, to succeed. So we constantly pursue teachers, gurus, systems. “
Krishnamurti’s books literally grabbed me, and would not let go, until I read them and re-read them several times. After reading the book “The Ending Of Time”, I knew that the same teaching that informed Krishnamurti, or that was Krishnamurti, was the same teaching that informed me. God, as Krishnamurti experienced God, seemed to be the same God that I was having collisions with. The main difference being that Krishnamurti was able to maintain that state of being constantly, and had for his entire adult life and I, only on special occasions, it seemed.
Krishnamurti died in 1986, yet, somehow, his teachings had mysteriously reached me in 1987, prior to me having ever read about him or what he represented. Saul of Tarsus talked of hearing Jesus Christ’s voice, two years after Jesus’s death on the cross, on the road to Damascus, and this experience caused his conversion to Christianity, and he changed his name to Paul, as a result of this experience. I can’t help but postulate the possibility that either
1). important spiritual teachers, and their primary teachings, remain active in the infinite field of human consciousness, or humanity’s morpho-genetic field after their own deaths, or
2). this information about spiritual transcendence is eternally available within consciousness itself, independent of teachers and teachings, just awaiting someone’s dedication and commitment to its truth so as to bring it forth in their own unique life experience.
What the actual mechanism for delivery of truth’s real message remains unclear, though I have heard the words “prayer” or “telepathy” used by some. Krishnamurti had psychic experiences facilitated by members of the Theosophical Society, such as Charles Ledbetter, where he helped to bring the “Ascended Master Kuthumi” into “communion” with Krishnamurti when he was a teenager. Either way, I had found confirmation that I was not insane, at least not by these new standards, and that one of the greatest teachers of the twentieth century had presented a teaching to the world that not only paralleled my own, but may well have been the source for it, as well.
About Krishnamurti’s teachings, three other points can be made: First, the current direction of human development makes inevitable serious conflict on various levels.
One is increasing conflict among religious communities, as those societies compete for material and political advantage, and within those communities, particularly the suppression of religious views differing from those dominant in a particular society.
Another is the increasing dissonance between religious traditions and the discoveries by science, a dissonance that is totally absent in what K proposes as a new sort of religion.
Third, although it is possible that most of humanity will continue to choose the illusory comfort that comes with the bondage of traditional religions, one can also point out the attractiveness of K’s vision of absolute freedom.
On one hand, the continuation of organized religions would perpetuate all their psychological and social negative effects. On the other, the arising of a religious mind, in K’s sense, on a global scale, with its widespread shift to living in and by intelligence, would seem to be the only valid basis for the solution of the serious problems, such as warfare, environmental degradation, oppression, etc., that emerge from the usual way of trying to satisfy the basic need for food, shelter, clothing, and physical security. That is, K’s proposal is a profound remedy for the ego-centered perspective that currently infects almost all individuals and all social structures. It also points to the liberation of the mind to its full potential for creative living.
Receptive, inquisitive readers may feel motivated to jump on in, as our true, loving nature is revealed through immersion in this new understanding.
“One is never afraid of the unknown, rather, one is afraid of the known coming to an end.”—–J. Krishnamurti
What if I were to tell you that everything that you think you know about yourself is only a theory, and potentially an unproven one, at that? What if I were to tell you that everything that you think you know about your significant other, your children, your parents, and even your best friends are only theories, and potentially unproven ones at that? What if I were to tell you that everything that you think you know about your planet, including the plants, animals, insects, oceans, rivers, and the rocks and dirt, are only theories, and potentially unproven ones, at that? What if I were to tell you that everything that you think you know, or believe, about God, the Bible, Christianity, or other religions are only theories, and potentially unproven ones at that?
Truth is the antidote for all inaccurate, second-hand, toxic and limiting theories. Truth is not just for the saints and sages. Yet, very few people have any interest in it, because of the belief that they are already covered by their “religion”, or that only their “savior” has the truth, or is the truth. There are others who believe that they already understand it, or, for others, that there is no such thing as “truth. Sadly there is also a category of human beings who are so absorbed with their material world existence that the search for “truth” never even begins, because it does not sound very interesting or entertaining.
One cannot possibly find the sacred, using only the searchlights provided for by the profane.—Elisha Scott
So, just what is “Truth”, anyway? A fact might be that there is only one mind, to be experienced in the unknown, yet to the uninitiated, that statement would sound vague and esoteric. Another fact might be that it is up to us to determine what is real, and what is not, yet that might sound threatening to those who cling the strongest to their culturally and religiously inculcated theories and dogmas.
Truth is extremely difficult to conceptualize, because truth is elusive, and exists above and beyond all of the words used to chase it with descriptions. Truth is often times best described through our inspired art, poetry and music, where more of the brain becomes engaged to the energy attempting to be shared. But our words still serve a valuable function, yet forever remaining only pointers, or place-holders, for the energy that must be personally experienced, or it will never become psychologically real to the witness.
So, again, what is Truth? There is only a “God” when there is no longer a “me” questioning “what is” while still trying to justify one’s own opinions or ignorance. In that silence, Infinity finds its expression, and the observer is the observed. And there is no longer a need, or a desire, to find “God”, for “God” has found “us”. Yet, there is no longer the “us”, only the witnessing of infinity, by one no longer limited by a verbally intoxicated mind. It is in this silence that love flourishes, and moral and ethical action becomes spontaneous and natural.
The Awakening Voice (by Bruce Paullin)
Though the slowly shifting desert sands of time,
Keep creating ever taller dunes for America’s lost, thirsty souls to climb.
It is through transcending our hateful world of so little reason and rhyme,
That we will reaffirm the way of Truth, with its quenching waters of the Sublime.
As seekers for Peace, on Truth’s high mount’ we must continue to climb,
Or we will stumble through the swirling sands of chaotic, corrupted minds.
That tempts and confuses minds with the lies of false rhyme and reason,
So all our inner Lawyers must object to deceit, and charge those thoughts with treason!
Are we but marionette’s dancing images trapped upon the ATM screen of a monetized mind?
With Corporate America’s dollar driven beliefs in full control, what freedom can we find?
We must release ourselves from the spiritual imprisonment of these choking, binding strings,
And unleash our hearts’ truest wisdom that our liberated Intelligence can then bring.
As shadow boxers of Trumped Up Evil, to what ends do we hope to aspire?
Becoming co-champions with false leaders in their nightmares creates situations that are perpetually dire!
When we first heal our own illusions that promote self-destructive mental pugilist blows,
Our hearts can support the real fight against the Dark Ones who are now on public show.
As a pro-Trump marathoner, only on Life’s treadmills will we perpetually stand,
To follow in a liar’s missteps dooms us all to fail and become life’s also-rans,
Who forever just chase in vain Sanity’s unifying, healing voice.
So step off of his divisive, circular belt, and share first place in the Life all may rejoice!
To finally realize the Truth, is to see ignorance’s agendas are only illusions that limit and bind,
Spun together with the same golden threads of the Emperor’s New Clothes, his evil tailors did wind,
To corrupt the minds and hearts of all innocents, and all of the vulnerable that they can find.
So we must continue to seek our own truth, and then our struggle becomes Sublime!
The non-illuminated, restless mind is devoid of all of Love’s rhyme and Truth’s reason,
And only chases after desert mirages, until it sees the internal corruption that is guilty of treason.
Shame on you, Donald Trump, your minions, and the pseudo-Christians who continue to support you.
Blessings to all of America’s holy warriors, who seek for, and hold onto, all that is just, equitable, and true
If we remain attached to our minds, with our limiting words and thoughts, we are perpetually stuck outside of the “Garden of Eden”. The Tree Of Knowledge of “good and evil” will continue to tempt us with its fruit, as we judge our way out of heaven from moment to moment. The flaming swords of our limiting judgements keep us forever on the outside of heaven, trying to look back in. Our shame that has been created by our broken relationship with our society, our family, and our reality will encourage us to cover ourselves with the tattered rags of the lies and misunderstandings of others. Our hubris keeps us promoting our own broken vision and knowledge, forever blocking us from witnessing the unknown and the mysterious, thus keeping the sacred foundation of our existence unknowable to all of us.
Put that one in your philosophical pipe, and smoke it.
“Why struggle to open the door between us, when the whole wall is an illusion”-—Rumi
Jesus, The Buddha, Mohamed, and all of the other “heroes” or idols of religion and spirituality become potential hindrances to the truth, if we only follow and/or worship them and their words, and don’t see beyond them to the truth that is fundamental to all of us.
Don’t follow the path. Go where there is no path and begin the trail. When you start a new trail equipped with courage, strength, and conviction, the only thing that can stop you is you!—– Ruby Bridges
And the real observer, the sacred, can only laugh at the vast matrix of verbal consciousness created out of the disfigured mind of man. None of our understandings of God, Truth, or Love is real in any lasting, eternal sense, no matter how “sacred” the mind of man have imbued those words with, and historically worshiped them as such.
In the deeper realms of truth, in the deep silence of the sacred within, some difficult, but transformative truths are revealed. There is no such thing as a “you” or a “them” in any ultimate sense of truth, though as we travel through this strange, wonderful world, we must continue to entertain those illusions because of our race’s consensus agreements that such entities must exist, and that their stories must be honored.
Yes, we all must treat and respond to each other as if we are each real in an ultimate sense while we are alive. The truth is that the “self-concept” and the “other concept” are illusions, yet the underlying essence is that which is real, and eternal, and, in truth, the only part capable of loving, and being loved. Yet, those of us who have been wounded deeply, tend to cling the most tightly to our mistaken understanding of ourselves, and the other. When will the vain Emperor within us finally stop hiring the deceptive weavers of invisible golden threads to clothe our purity and nakedness in yet another illusion of self?
Self deception takes on added importance, and danger, in the mirror of relationships
“If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, Infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thro’ narrow chinks of his cavern.” —-William Blake
With the cessation of all movement of thought that has a time base, the revelation of another way of seeing is experienced. Seeing without the limitation of the word is the domain of infinity. The word is the measure of our time based reality, and serves a relative purpose only. Yet, as far as we will ever see, unto eternity, is our self. Will we see the continuation of a limited sense of self, the self fragmented by the word with its concepts of time and space, or will we finally apperceive the all-inclusive self, unlimited by the word and all of its historical relationships with concepts developed within human consciousness?
See, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.— Isaiah 65:17 (NIV)
Any real change implies the breakup of the world as one has always known it, the loss of all that gave one an identity, the end of safety.—- James Baldwin
I AM
I am the brightest of mornings, I am the cloudiest of days, I am the silent night altar upon which mankind prays and preys.
I am the Olmec and Mayan of times old, recent, and new, I am all civilization’s ruins, and I am the ever-evolving life that regrew.
I am the bird’s call, I am its flight, and the wind beneath its wings, I am the music and its spirit that joyously lifts all hearts up to sing.
I am the water, I am the lagoon and the bay, I am the infinite ocean where my children are birthed, live, love and play.
I am the blue sky, I am the weather changes, and the gathering of clouds, I am the lightning storms that are now appearing so dangerous and loud.
I am the wind and the sun, I am the warm soothing breeze, I am even our cold’s most raucous cleansing sneeze.
I am the dolphin and manatee, I am the mangrove lined shores, I am waves crashing against rocks, that photographers adore.
I am the mind, and I am the end to its lonely thoughts, I am the heart’s loving web in which we are miraculously caught.
I am the boisterous protests, and I am the crowd made quiet, I can be even be found witnessing the white supremacists’ riot.
I am the wealthy, and I am the hurt, oppressed and poor, I am your heritage, history, and future until we all are no more.
I am the Sanders and Pelosis, I am the Putins and Trumps, I am love’s warriors, and I am also hate’s chumps.
I am the Christian, and the Hindu, I am the Muslim and the Jew I am the Atheist and Buddhist who you never thought that you knew.
I am the cancer and its treatment, I am the movement towards health, I am the healing balm that works mysteriously in stealth.
I am the grief, and I am the pain and the sorrow, I am the deepest well of hope from which we eternally borrow.
I am your lifetime, I am your body and its breath, I am the blessed last moment before each of our deaths.
I am the death of the false self that leads to the only true heaven, Our denial of this truth brings the hellish news on channel two at eleven.
I am the sacred, and I am even the profane, I am the source of all that we treasure, resisting me only adds to life’s pain.
I am not the movement of our thoughts, while we cling to concepts of time, I am the emergence from all shadows, we all must reach for the sublime
What is my name, and where is my place? Being ONE is seeing Me on every smiling and suffering sentient beings’ face.
This poem was written January, 2019 while on vacation at Hopkins Bay, Belize. I wanted to honor of all of the innocent oppressed, bullied, victimized, traumatized, gassed, misogynized, persecuted, marginalized, neglected, abused, murdered, alienated, and institutionalized human beings, and all of the animals that are being driven into extinction, as we are all overrun by the principles of toxic masculinity in it’s almost infinite varieties of forms.. Toxic masculinity, toxic fatherhood, and toxic religion are cultural and historical impediments to achieving and maintaining happiness and good health.
“Be still, and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth.” – Psalm 46:10
Set out, pilgrim. Set out into the freedom and the wandering. Find your people. God is much bigger, wilder, more generous, and more wonderful than you imagined. – Sarah Bessey
The question remains: How will we see our self today? Are we the eyes and ears of an important part of an unbroken whole, or are we only a fragmented part seeing through the kaleidoscope of a broken mind?
“We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are” —Anaia Nin
Religious reasoning and oxymorons
Religious reasoning still is an oxymoron, being subject to fantasy and tribal control dramas throughout human history. This illusory thinking style will never bring anyone close to the Kingdom Of Heaven, but it may bring the adherent closer to the hypnotic spell of religious tribalism and delusion. To find Truth, we must let go of the controls of the past, be they religious, philosophical, familial, emotional, and/or physical in nature. All of our knowledge is an accumulation of incomplete perceptions, no matter how hallowed or sacred the concepts derived from which have become over our history. Our personal and collective knowledge accretions may even become a prison cell for our spirit, until we find a way to release ourselves from the pillories of our ignorance.
So, again, what is “truth”?
When Pontius Pilate asked Jesus “what is truth?”, Jesus stood silent before him, and said nothing. The greatest leader of the age saw no wrong in Jesus. If Pontius Pilate understood the silence, he would have set him free, but instead asked the mob what to do with Jesus. Of course, the mob mind will choose the criminal Barnabas any day over what the truth is, because truth cannot be seen by the profane mind of unconscious man. The same is true for today, with the mob mind of white evangelical Christianity, and other politically corrupted groups, clamoring for untruth, immorality and greed in the personage of Donald Trump over truth and justice.
LOVE’S REUNION (poem by Bruce Paullin)
I stumbled over the frozen wilderness for oh, so long!
With a hole in my heart that life could just not fill
Until I stopped to rest, and heard a gentle voice singing a long forgotten song
That promised of my release from this winter world of painful chill
Her lyrics spoke of the return of Life to freedom
And the release of shivering minds from darkness’ frozen, fearful hands
She drew me closer without any further verbal tethers
And prepared me for the walk back to Love’s now awakening lands
Her warming presence melted the icy hardness that I used to know
Inspiring within me the courage, to myself and my world, to say
That, to all of my past memories’ barren trees of lifeless knowledge, I now refuse to go
I will now accept only the lessons learned along Love’s Infinite Way
Yes, she met me while I was with the dark companion
But it was to her pleasure to take me home to share her loving lights
And give me the shelter of Love’s never setting summer sun
She changed my cold mourning into happier, heavenly nights!
By freely offering of herself and all of her sacred charms
She moves me through life’s clamorous valleys unto its silent peaks
I can now retire from a life of fruitless wanderings
To live in the Source of Peace of which mankind forever seeks
Her life is resplendent with Wisdom, Strength, and Beauty
For these are the robes with which she clothes her being
The gift of Love now unwraps before my inviting eyes T
o reveal her ecstatic vision, which is now all-seeing
My search for Truth and Love Sublime has finally ended
For, I now fill my empty cup from her joyous running streams
I have reunited with my eternally fulfilling lover
And, her healing waters dissolve all of my painful dreams
I only seek to remain within her all-embracing arms
While through all life she extends her ever unfolding surprise
My first waking breath each morning brings the certainty
That, from my bed, joined as one, we again shall arise
My broken heart and shattered life is finally mending
And, wedded to her life, I now call her my faithful bride
Life no longer has a fearful road ahead to travel
For, One with God, on Love’s lighted path, I now gratefully stride
So, finally, what is Truth?
Sacred silence and its unbroken vision of one infinite self.
Perfection lies, behind all eyes,
We, who would look within ourselves, will find,
The Sublime Surprise, of which all Life does comprise,
The Divine Self of all Mankind.
We, who have made our choice, with one free voice, Call to our Eternal Source Supreme,
We will no longer roam, we are coming Home,
We are awakening from the “human” dream!
With courage drought, from fear made naught,
We move from temporal shadow to Eternal Light,
The Kingdom sought becomes the Vision caught,
Whosoever overcomes, now sees with unhindered sight! T
he Love All-Knowing, the Truth now showing,
With Divinity, We walk hand in hand. In us its growing, through us its flowing,
Embracing all between space and land.
With Hearts entwined, One Soul Divine,
To this world, We are a blessing immense.
Though we pass this way for but a day,
With Divine experience, who would dare dispense?
If you don’t want to disown your own unique Spirit, watch out for truth’s damned distant relatives! They will try to steal your spiritual inheritance!
Fundamentally, we are all magnificent, radiant beings of infinite potential, yet our sleeping minds create images of us and the other which are forever limited, and limiting. We surround ourselves with religions and other communities which help to support our erroneous concepts of ourselves, and the other, and our spiritual integrity and dignity remains compromised until we wake up and assume our rightful place in Love’s Universe.
Those who are not the “Truth”, forever are competitors with the “Truth”. We have a former President and his White House staff, as well as some members of the Congress and the Senate, who prefer to lie to themselves and to the people of the United States. Those who are poor in spirit, and in Truth, will always be among us. There are also those who are awaiting their “heaven” after they die. All of these examples are of people who have missed the point of living their lives, and they remain the lost souls roaming our planet. They turn the sacred into a profane, tawdry marketplace, manipulating others poor in spirit and understanding so as to achieve their own selfish, self-destructive and Earth destructive ends. They are not even aware that they are creating the conditions for Hell on Earth.
There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don’t expect you to save the world I do think it’s not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect.-— Nikki Giovanni
Will Love ever win out?
Meditate on that one, if you dare!
So, finally what is Truth?
Truth is not part of the structure of thought, existing at a transcendental level of unknowing where our hearts and our intuition join together in the sacred silence of our infinite potential. Yet, the bridge of words created between the truth and our conscious mind becomes the “word of God”.
The only acceptable sacrifice to be made for the Truth is our past, and our future, for Presence is only in the present.
Either we are the Truth, we continue seek the truth, or we disregard the truth.
This is how the concepts of heaven and hell are created.
Do your concepts burden you, or point you to freedom?
We are all free to choose again, if our present choices don’t bring happiness, joy, connection, love, sanity, and appreciation for our Mother Earth.
More perfect than you are, you will never be, for what could be added to infinity?—-Marie Schmidt
“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” —-Jesus said in Matthew 6:24,(NLT)
I am that I am. Once again, are you truth, or just another illusion. Who are you?
“Be still, and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth.” – Psalm 46:10
Never give up, never give in, never give out. Keep the faith, and keep your eyes on the prize. Together, we can redeem the soul of America.“
—John Lewis 
We must first lose our mind, with its historical accumulation of knowledge and questionable theories and memories, to find the Truth underlying all of Life–Elisha Scott
.This is a bifurcation point, where the curious, and the attuned, divurge from the well worn path of the disinterested reader, No shame to the disengaged reader, you are doing the best that you can, according to the level of consciousness that you presently occupy..
.I would like to present to my readers a unique meditation, or thought experiment. This can be both a teaching, and an interior journey, and it can be useful for accessing the one Real Teacher, which lies deep within all of us. Thousands of years of conditioning and education have kept our innate capacity to tune into our interior dimensions for personal change and evolution as more of a threatening proposition, rather than as the natural avenue towards freedom and self discovery. In the end, it is the mind that has found the present moment, imbued with the healing potential of its infinitely supportive sacred silence, that becomes our Teacher.
.This thought experiment is a representation of my unique meditation experience from July of 1987. Well meaning teachers and healers attempt to give guidance to those spiritually inclined wanderers who may have lost or ignored their personal ‘direct connection’.with intuition and insight. Thus, my experiences may serve as a template for other fellow travelers, though all must create their own unique path back to a spiritual home. This meditation is only a sketch,, to be filled in by one’s unique journey towards Truth. It only points in a direction, and this ‘meditation’ is not for everybody.
THE MEDITATION
After quieting the body by sitting down comfortably, let us breathe consciously, and deeply, for a few breaths. Usually, the following of our breathing will quiet the mind a bit, which is important if this “experiment” is to bring any results. Poly-vagel breathing exercises that naturally reduce stress can be quite helpful. Breathe in for a four second count, hold breath for two seconds, and exhale for six seconds is the rhythm here. Repeat cycle for up to 5 minutes, if necessary. If your flight or fight response has been overactive, this will quiet down the adrenal glands, and reduce cortisol induced inflammation. Let’s now ask of our self if we are ready to listen for the truth of the moment. Are we willing to travel to a new place in consciousness, and conscious awareness, that we have never traveled to before? Ask our self if we can “let go of all thought controls” that keep us pilloried to the past, controls that keep us in judgement of self, and/or other, while also keeping us from experiencing a deeper appreciation for what this moment might be able to bring to us? 
Now visualize for a moment that we are driving a car, heading to a direction that we feel quite familiar with. Before arriving at the usual destination, ask our self what would happen if we just “LET GO OF THE CONTROLS”, even if it is for just one moment? Remember that all of our known neural pathways become overused over time, and create deep ruts leading to graves, if we stay imprisoned by our past with all of its knowns. Is it possible? 
Keep trying, until we can see our self actually letting go of the steering wheel of our conscious mind. As we let go of the steering wheel, imagine, now, that the car disappears that was carrying us, and find that we are now being carried into some new, unexplored realm of experience. If it is still familiar territory in our interior visual field, we will need to restart the thought experiment, and find a different method, or path to the interior dimensions than I am providing here. If we have “LET GO OF THE CONTROLS”, we are now finding that we are being guided by a teacher , spirit guide, or a messenger, who has not revealed who or what it is, what kind of form it might take, or why it might or might not exist for us in this new moment. Yet we know that there is no need for fear, even though we are now being drawn into a complete mystery, and to a previously unknown experience. There is a sense of exhilaration, because we are no longer secured to our body of knowledge anymore, which may also feel like we are having an out of body event. We are free, yet we do not yet know what we are being liberated from. Stay in this “unknowing state”, while still being “guided by our inner teacher”. We may then pass through an amazing, infinite array of interconnected, interlocking “membranes”, which are neither “light” nor “dark” in appearance. Do not fear what is being witnessed, this is a critical part of the conscious uncoupling process with our conditioned mind. Everything that we now see is part of the infinite consciousness that our sense of self arises from. We seem to bypass this web of both individual and collective consciousness, – then we reach a place of absolute still, and calm. If we are really “there”, we find a silence, which is so quiet, and peaceful, that it may “startle” us initially, yet we quickly settle into it, and appreciate its essence and nature. A “voice” may appear within our now quiet minds, and may begin to speak “through us” rather than “to us”. We will become the mouthpiece for a teaching, or a message, that we have never heard before, yet we are willing messengers for this new moment. We begin to recognize an incredibly happy, joyful, laughing voice, and we know we are right where we are supposed to be, in a state that is so natural, and normal. We might wonder why it was so “unknown” in our past, but we save all questions for later, so as not to miss the rest of the experience. “Follow the new paths of consciousness” we hear, and speak within our hearts and minds simultaneously, directly and powerfully to ‘our self’. “No teacher can give to us our salvation, we must work it out for our self”. “Think no thoughts, especially time based thoughts (memories) about the “you”, as any “YOU”, cannot ever be real here”. “To return to the “UNKNOWN”, we must eliminate all time based thoughts about our self, and “THE OTHER”. We now know that this moment, outside of time, has all of the information that we will ever need, and does not need our input to reveal itself and its real, eternal nature. 
As the “teaching” ends, we are shown those forces which have attached themselves to our energy fields, which provide “companionship” yet they provide no lasting spiritual value, and will inhibit our future growth and development.
FURTHER FRUITS FROM THE TREE OF LIFE
Be easy on our self, as it will not be immediately obvious what the nature and purpose of these inner/interpersonal forces are. Some energies are trapped within our life force energy field, and extremely resistant to our intention to let them move on.. They may be intern alized traumas of any nature, and/or may be fragments of a past wounded version of our self They served a purpose, yet they will have to leave for us to evolve. But, first, we have to meet them directly, to get to know them better, while further dealing directly with our “conscious” world, and the life we live in it. Welcome to our Real individual, and collective, self. There is no room here for “you and me”, “us and them”, there is only room for the ONE. This will trouble us greatly when we return to our ‘normal’ consciousness from this experiment. This is normal, and we will learn from the tension created by this dynamic. Eventually we learn that we dream through the “collective” mind of mankind, and the “collective” also dreams through us. Yet there is also One Other Option, which has eluded most of Mankind. As we travel back to this place, over and over, over many years, if necessary, we find what we have always been looking for. We also find what has been holding back the rest of mankind for all of time. Many of the very structures of thought that have been ‘worshiped’ or unconsciously accepted are seen to be the source of the Shadow within mankind’s heart and soul. This journey is not for those who want to continue to just worship the past, and all of its dead thoughts, and disgraced and/or discredited heroes. This thought experiment is a technique for shaking the mind free, even if just for a moment, from its lifetimes of its ‘knowns’ or certainties. Truth does not come into a mind that has already been crystallized into a structure that does not permit curiosity, and insight. If we are sincerely seeking Truth, prepare for a real shock. If our minds have not been shocked, we have not yet met our goal. “YOU WILL FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR”, just don’t give up looking before the Real miracle appears, OK? Otherwise, we will only find a continuation of our past, as it extends into an all too familiar future. lieve in the spiritual potential for all of us!
